Hey Writer-Person,

You didn't read the community rules. For example,
"6. Actual content goes in the posts on this community. Don't fake cut to your journal, to a writing/media journal, to another community, to fanfiction.net, to deviantart, to any other website. You can put in a line that says it is cross-posted and mention if you'd really want comments there, but all posts must have actual content. Actual fic, actual pictures, actual icons. Deletion will occur if this happens."

After not reading this rule, you posted a handful of lines like, "But IDK very well how to post here so I will jsut send you the links for the story in my profile. PLZ leave comments." and a link. To a post on your journal. And this fic? It's not a fic. It's a collection of out of character, typo-ridden, capslock-abusing, poorly reasoned ficlets. (Not that there's anything wrong with ficlets. One of the community's best writers is almost ficlet-exclusive. But hers are intelligent and not filled with stupidity.)

The first line from the first ficlet (directly copy-pasted, nothing, not even quotation marks, added):
"Hey Julie. Do you know why does Kevin have a green car? Ben asked Julie wondering why did the older boy had a green car.

The Redundancy Department of Redundancy is having a field day. Seriously. And it gets worse. So much worse, I had to stop reading. As I scrolled down, I saw not a Giant Wall o' Text, but a Giant Wall o' Capslock. I'm pretty sure this isn't the capslock community. Or a capslock post of any kind.

Feeling Kinda Bitchy,
Me

Edit for typo and deletion of a useless paragraph.

Dean Winchester isn't blond. No, really. He has blond highlights. He was blond when he was a kid. He is not blond as an adult. I'd let you get away with "muddy blond" or even "dirty blond" but golden or light blond isn't going to fly. His hair is also rather short and it's tended to get shorter as time progresses. It might therefore be a bit difficult to get a firm handhold in it, depending on the season you're writing in. His eyes are green. They are not emerald green. Yes, there is a difference. He has freckles. They are not so noticeable that you can see them from across the room. If anything, you've got to get the camera to zoom in quite close and have the makeup department be having a light day for them to be all that visible. He's more slender than his brother. He's still pretty solid. Please don't describe him as skinny unless you've got a reason to explain the weight loss.

Am I going to be fully tossed out of a story just because someone apparently doesn't know what the characters look like? Probably not, but it can get frustrating, particularly when the changes are done to make a character seem slighter, more fragile, or generally somehow more beautiful.

I mean, people, come on! You know who Dean Winchester is played by? Jensen Ackles. He's kind of ridiculously pretty all on his own - you don't need to change what he looks like just to make him even prettier!

Why are Merlin and Arthur celebrating a very Christian and modern Christmas together? I suppose it's cute seeing them swapping gifts, writing Christmas cards, putting up decorations, getting out a Nativity set and singing Christmas carols - oh yes 'Once in Royal David's City' which was written in 1848 is a big hit in Camelot apparently. But why can none of you see what's wrong with this scenario?

Also, I don't think Uther's going to roll with Arthur requesting that Merlin sleep with him in his chambers over the Christmas holiday as a bonus xmas gift.

Authors in HP Fandom,

1. Severus Snape is not a sex god. YMMV.

2. He is unlikely to bed his students.
2a. If said students are Gryffindors, (yes, Snarry people, I'm looking at you) they are unlikely to do anything except complain if he hits on them.
2b. Faculty frowns upon teachers bedding their students.

3. It is also unlikely that he's a virgin. ETA: I mean this especialy in older, pre-DH fic, where Hermione initiates him into the wonderful world of sex, and he's pretty much the Mills and Boone heroine, what with blushing, and squirming, and her touch awakened in him sensations he had not thought existed. YMMV

4. Sirius Black is not, afawk. a pederast.
4a. He is unlikely to sleep with Harry/Ron/Hermione/Ginny/Draco when they are children. By children I mean less than sixteen, which they are when he dies.
4b. Please don't write fifteen-year-old Harry decking out in silk panties and stockings to seduce Sirius.
4c. Or Sirius fucking him intercrurally when he's thirteen. Naked sleeping on Sirius' part does not inevitably lead to this. Really.
4d. Remus Lupin is unlikely to aid and abet.

That will be all.

ETA: My apologies to the community in general, if I've caused undue offense. I'm not deleting without due notice as I know that might be percieved as a flounce, but I'm sorry if I come across as narrow-minded or prudish. I'm having a pretty bad day, and am therefore feeling ranty.

Again, sorry. Would it be better if I deleted?

I think it was ranted before a short time ago, but my brain nearly exploded because of that.
Guys can't come five times in ten minutes. It doesn't matter their age or what they do for living. Do you realize that it'd mean to come every two minutes? No boy or girl makes a guy do that.

Oh, and about other fic, but yet enough for a rant: saying in your A/N that you hate the pairing and you think the show is kind of stupid kind of makes people wonder why you wrote it, instead of reading it.

And because I know I'm gonna rant about it one day or another: Supernatural is a fandom, not a genre. If you say your fic is about SPN, people will expect you to write about the boys, some demons, some angels or some other humans of the plot. You can write AU if that's your thing or really, if you're not into shipping people/demons/angels/whatever, you can write a fic about horror. Horror is nice. We all like it.
But... if you say your fic is about Supernatural, but you write about two girls that were never in the show, and they are killed by a spirit that doesn't get affected by the things that regular spirits get affected in the show - like salt, for example -, then it's not a SPN fic. It's just a story in which two girls die because of a random yet ~evil~ spirit.

You know, I don't mean any ill, but the way Dumbledore is portrayed in lots of snarry fics does make me wonder. Now well, I can accept something like that when it's some kind of a future!fic, where Harry is an adult and comes back to Hogwarts as a teacher. But when the story is set during Harry's school years? I mean, the school Headmaster discovers that one of his teachers has been sleeping with one of his students. Do you honestly believe that cheering them on and proceeding to assist them in settling together as if the situation was perfectly okay would be the Headmaster's first reaction? Really?

I won't say that it can completely ruin the story for me, especially since it usually happens in the very end, but it sure can damage an otherwise good piece of writing.

Is it just me, or is the fanfiction.net Pride and Prejudice section lacking in quality fanfiction?
I used to read fics from places like Republic of Pemberley and Firthness.com, where the standards were so high. They were real Janeites who put a lot of research and effort into their epic multi-chapter fanfiction. It was brilliant save for the sparce updates.

But whenever I read fanfiction.net I struggled to find well written P&P fics. There are some, but they are bogged down by some real rubbish.

I blame Hollywood.
Most of the trash I find, I usually can tell within a few paragraphs whether the person has read the book, watched the BBC 1995 miniseries or the dumbed down 2005 film starring Keira Knightly.

For one thing things happen that would never have been possible in the time period and they talk in a more modern way. Also Darcy gets described as having blue eyes which automatically pulls me out of the story - for Darcy to me will always have dark intense eyes a la Colin Firth, but that is personal opinion.

Things like Darcy snogging Lizzy in a cupboard in Netherfield and not getting a slap for example, are not on. I mean, it is bad enough having Darcy out-of-character enough to do something so ungentlemanly (especially since it is the sort of thing Wickham would do) but to have Lizzy put up with it and not defend herself? It makes her out of character too.
Same fic also had Lizzy wear pyjamas to bed which is silly because even the men didn't wear pyjamas back then...

One of the worst problems is when a fic is riddled with "ok" and "alright" other modern phrases. Or it relies solely on a particular adaptation. Nothing worse than reading about Bingley barging into a lady's room, Lady Catherine visiting in the middle of the night while everyone is in the night attire or Darcy proposing in the rain instead of in the parsonage.

I try not to let my anti-P&P 2005 get in the way of reading the fanfics, but it was so different to the books and miniseries (which was much more faithful) that it is almost a different series, and should not be in the books section but in it's own separate movie section. Or at least have a rule where 2005 based stories must be clearly labeled...

Sorry for ranting, but I was so bitterly disappointed that the first P&P fanfic I have read in months let me down by ruining Darcy's character and sucking me out of the story completely. Apart from the cupboard-snogging, the 2005!Darcy, the OOCness and the pyjamas, it was well written. Not Darcyfic/Rep of Pemberley standard but no one-shot can be as good as those.

Even though I am new here, I am pretty sure that this has been ranted on before because of th level of stupid in it. But being caught in the middle of a shipping-war and thus having BOTH sides after me with pitchforks on regular basis, I just feel I needed to rant off my frustration...

So here goes:

( A HP-fandom rant... )( Read more... )

( This got long )

Tl;dr - author abuses kanji and hiragana in subject title and section break song lyrics. They're also far too fond of romaji, to the point where a whole section's dialogue is nothing but dialogue stolen from the Japanese audio track. Giant Walls O' Text are present, and Author's Notes of Doom are nearly as long as the actual fic, and mostly contain useless information. A non-Japanese character for some reason uses Japanese terms to refer to his family. An Ansela is annoyed and wishes she'd gone with her first instinct that an author with three pennames listed, two of which are variations on 'legolaslover'* cannot be anything good.

*No offence to people who like Legolas, but in my experience that sort of username, i.e. [character name]lover, tends to belong to the fanbrat portion of fandom.

'Yaya was crying, and her tears hit 'Nagisa’s uniform like bullets.'

Maybe, it's just me and my reasoning but given that bullets are projectiles accelerated out of a barrel at high speeds I suddenly imagine these tears dropping at really high speeds and penetrating Nagisa. Question is are these tears like a sniper bullet or a Ak-47?

Okay, I think I made it plain in one of my last rants that I'm not a fan of scriptfics. But as I've said, YMMV and everything else.

However to one specific fanbrat, if your going to write a scriptfic, try not to at the very least have your first chapter so blatantly rip off your fandom's pilot/first episode. There were only major changes were the names of the characters, very little of the situations and the, ahem, face, of one of the main characters!

If you are going to write a story, scriptfic or prose, why blantantly rip of an episode like that?

Edit: Looks like it was either taken down or the blantant rip - off was noticed and was deleted.

So your premise is, when Dean from 2009 lands in 2014, he doesn't go back. I like this premise. Trouble is, your PoV character is 2014!Dean, and 2014!Dean thinks of himself as 'Dean', and 2014!Dean thinks of 2009!Dean as 'Dean'. It's just like all the fics that mention 'the blond man' when both characters onstage are blond men, only worse—seriously, author, 2014!Dean has spent a year in the company of his younger self and has yet to think of a nickname for him?

Also, if you're gonna say that only 2009!Dean and one other character refer to 2014!Dean as 'Dean', with the implication that this has been the case for months and therefore 2014!Dean's gotten out of the habit of responding to his own first name, might not wanna have a fourth character say 'Dean' and expect 2014!Dean to answer.

i have yet to establish which seasons of both Supernatural and Stargate Atlantis this story will take place, but as soon as I know you'll know—know what this tells me? This tells me there's an excellent chance you don't know the difference between in- and out-of-character. See, S1 Sam and Dean are not S2 Sam and Dean because S1 Sam and Dean don't have to deal with their father's death. S2 Sam and Dean are not S3 Sam and Dean because S2 Sam and Dean don't have to deal with Dean's impending vacation in hell. S3 Sam and Dean are not S4 Sam and Dean because—surely you get the point by now. And my familiarity with SGA is piecemeal and probably not in proper order, so I don't know shit about the character arcs, but I'm betting it is (or should be) just as easy for an SGA fan to tell from the characterization which season a fic is set in as it is for me to tell which season an SPN fic is set in. So if you don't know when you start writing which season(s) your fic's in? Your characterization's probably screwed.

YMMV, but saké does not generally make for good lubrication during anal sex as alcohol does not generally contain lube.

I love your story. I really do. But Sam and Dean Winchester swear. They will not be saying "Oh gosh". The author's note in the middle of the fic explaining that you don't take God's name in vain was pretty annoying.

The random "Oh gosh" mentions keep throwing me out of the fic. I really love it. (And I seriously think Sam in labor is going to be screaming something worse than "Oh gosh". Especially since he's been in labor for ten hours.)

Next time, please don't place your beliefs on the characters.

Okay, I know profic screws this up all the time, too, but seriously? Firing a gun accurately is a skill. Some people have a natural gift for it, some people pick it up fairly fast, pretty much anybody with decent eyes and steady hands can become a good shot with enough practice, but it. Is. A. Skill. You have to learn how to do it. Your OC is not going to be able to pick up a gun and put a bullet between somebody's eyes if she's never touched a gun in her life. Particularly not in the dark when she's shaky from being drugged. Not unless there's some kind of magical interference at work.

Also, guns are freaking loud. Even a plinky little .22 is a lot louder than guns sound in movies; a 12 gauge shotgun is deafening at close range. The neighbors WILL hear it.

That is all.

When your header includes a link to a common disclaimer for your fics stating you plan to address darker themes, I think that's fair warning I'm likely to end up reading something I could find depressing or sad, even scary or squicky.

However, when you link your PG-rated fic to this disclaimer, and your story is nothing but the characters having a thoroughly G-rated conversation about how clever Earthlings were to invent chocolate, I begin to think you and I might have very different definitions of the word "dark."

And no, a story about dark chocolate wouldn't have counted either.

The funny thing about the "e" key and the "y" key on a keyboard is that they're quite far from each other, at least on all the keyboards I've seen. A bit closer in Dvorak than Qwerty, but still quite far apart. Plus, there is such a thing as proofreading. So I think that there is no excuse, when given a written canon, to make a character use "me" in place of "my" when he has not once done so in canon, at least when not doing a fake accent. I must assume that you actually think you know better than all the writers how the character speaks.

And it's such a good fic otherwise.

I don't care how good of friends they are or how much they swear they won't sleep together or how needed it is to drive your plot, no school in their right mind is going to let boys and girls room together on an overnight field trip.

It just doesn't happen.

ETA: We're talking high school here, not college/university

Breaking up a canon relationship so that your OTP can get it on? That's par for the course for a lot of shipping fic, and it's a great opportunity for character study, exploring the nature of relationships, and so on.

Character bashing so that a canon relationship will break up and your OTP can get it on? Lazy writing, and not cool.

Using gendered insults for aforementioned character bashing? Especially if character doing said bashing would not be the type to call his ex-partner "bitch" or "cunt" or "scabby whore"? REALLY not cool.

LITERALLY bashing the character after the breakup? Regardless of whether it's "just a slap" or blows enough to bruise or cause bleeding, INCREDIBLY UNCOOL.

And having everyone else in the fic be all blase about violence because "she was a bitch and no one liked her anyway"? The freezer is broken, the AC is busted, there's a heatwave upon us: SO, SO, SO NOT COOL.

Dear anime* fandoms at large:

The honorific "chan" is not just a generic term of endearment. It is not Japanese for "girlfriend", nor is it synonymous with "uke". Contrariwise, "kun" is not reserved strictly for your boyfriend or your seme. If two people who have always been comfortable enough with each other to call each other by their first names with no honorific start to date, they are not automatically going to default to calling each other "Whatever-chan" and "Whatever-kun" as soon as they confess their love for each other. Especially if they're people whose first language isn't Japanese or who otherwise don't favor using honorifics on anyone to begin with.

This message brought to you by a scene where Juudai and Asuka confess their feelings to each other and then have a moment where they call each other "Juudai-kun" and "Asuka-chan" for the first time and remark on how good it sounds, and by the umpty-zillion fics where Juudai and Johan are for some reason calling each other "Jo-kun" and "Juu-chan." Ugh.

*If you are not in an anime fandom and have this problem anyway, you have my sympathies.

Dear Discworld fan,
You posted two fics in one day and your profile is longer than both of those fics put together, but that's the least of your problems, really.
( Cut for long-ish rant )

Okay, so...

1) Draco Malfoy does not have green eyes. No, seriously. He doesn't. Not even in the movies.

2) Harry and Ron have been best mates since they were eleven. That makes, in your fic's timeline, around fifteen years. I don't care if you happen to hate Ron, he's still not going to turn into a complete arse and desert Harry because Harry comes out of the closet in a non-homophobic wizarding world. Ron might be a bit awkward and uncomfortable, but he's not going to start talking shit about Harry to everybody who'll listen and forbid him to come to the Burrow - especially since the first half of your fic was spent emphasizing the strength of their friendship.

Dear Writer:

Willow would never, ever refer to Xander as 'The Cyclops', Buffy as 'The Blond One', or Giles as 'The Old Brit.'

I don't give a crap, if Willow's angry at Buffy for asking her to perform the spell to activate all the Slayers. I don't even give a crap if you think Willow's 'pet names' are justifiable... Guess what? They're not.

And, if I have to read about how 'perfect' Kenn-Kenn is, one more time, I'm going to hunt you down, and punch you in the throat.

No love,
The Bitchy Beta who's just red-penned EVERYTHING...

Dear Author,

Congratulations. You've forced me to de-lurk and actually post something here.
1. First of all, thanks for writing incest with no warning. All you said was 'a little piece of fluff between Jake and Alan' which made me think of a sweet father-son fic.
2. Charlie won't be happy at a Jake/Alan pairing. He might be freaked out, but not happy.
3. Jake will not say 'Come for me, Dad' or 'You make me so hot for love.' In fact, he would rather be a rocket scientist than say that.
4. They will not be feeding strawberries to each other post-coital. Not happening.

Thank you for screwing up one of my most loved and favorite shows.

No love,

Me.

Okay, I get it. Its sometimes easier to write and come up with ideas through RPing. I've done it (not that I'd ever show anyone).

The thing is: RPs and (good) stories have radically different writing styles. So, while it might be alright for character A to take his first drink in one sceen and have character B trying to convince him of the joy in such an act in the next is a reasonable course of events in RP, it clearly isn't a good idea in fic.

Seriously, take the time to go through and meash the two perspectives (that change every three paragraphs, but that's for another rant).
Also- other many writers in the SPNdom (especially the slashers), I don't want to go through all of your stupid links to get to your story. And another thing: if I haven't read the first ten chapters to your fic I'm not going to want to click just to see another link that leads me to another link where I can find your master fic list. Then have to scroll through that to find the story.

ETA: Holy crap, writing just before you pass out for sleep is a BAD idea.

"A/N : [...] Anyway, I’ve noticed that there are lack of reviews coming recently. So I will only update next chapter (chapter [XI]) if I receive 18 or MORE reviews so this story will reach its 200 reviews! The faster and more reviews coming, the faster I update the next chapter! (and yes, chapter [XI] IS ALREADY DONE! WRITTEN! xP ) I even can update tommorow, but it depends on the amount of reviews I received, but max 2 reviews per user alright? –winks- So, review and tell me what you think of this story please! –smiles-"

things wrong with this A/N:
1) You apologized for being late earlier, when you have HAD chapter [X] ready. You said yourself that you didn't have a beta (so that wasn't it). You honestly just wanted to be a review-whore and hope that people respond to your rudeness. 2) You use faster twice in one sentence. 3) Your -winks-, -smiles- and Xp usage makes me want to hurt a puppy. 4) Um, people may have slowed down reviewing because you, I don't know, stopped updating. 5) YOU HAVE TWO HUNDRED REVIEWS ON A [insert adjective here] STORY. BE GRATEFUL.

And finally, your greatest offense, "tommorow" is not "tomorrow."

Just for the record, you cannot rape a nasty character into being nice. You fail.

Warnings: Non-con (not rape)

Come again?

For the most part...

Floor: the thing you stand on indoors

Ground: the thing you stand on outdoors


Floor =/= Ground

Magneto will never be a Nazi. Ever. If you compare his methods and mentality to Nazism, then that's fine. But making him a flat out Nazi is so much fail that it hurts.

Hisoka Kurosaki is a lot of things... suicidal ain't one of them. The kid has way too much anger over what Muraki did to him to make an attempt on his life; in fact, the very reason he becomes a shinigami is track down the one who raped him and cursed him with a slow death. I can almost half accept this if you're going by anime characterization, since he's a little more emotional than his manga counterpart, but bear in mind that a lot of the fandom has read the manga and frankly, manga!Hisoka has so much anger, he's rather scary. I get the feeling that manga!Hisoka has the potential to become almost as much of a monster as Muraki, in a "he who hunts monsters" sort of way. You want to write about a suicidal YnM character? :: Points to Tsuzuki::

And on the subject of Muraki... there's only one person who can get away with addressing the not-so-good doctor as "Kazu-kun" and that is his ladyfriend/fiancee Ukyou Sakuraiji. Your Mary Sue is not going to live to tell the tale. In fact, our Evil Albino/White-Haired Prettyboy with the energy vampire tendencies has a word for Mary Sues, and it translates to "lunch". Though no doubt they Taste Like Diabetes to him.

Rant the first:

Ever heard of soap? Yeah, it's that stuff used to clean things. So, soap. Pretty straightforward stuff. If you're washing yourself, you apply, lather, rinse.

That's right. Rinse. In case you weren't sure, rinse means you not only wash off the dirt, you wash off the soap. Another fun fact about soap: generally, it doesn't taste good.

So, if you combine those two bits of information, you could conclude:
a) soap doesn't taste very nice
b) people wash it off

Thereby arriving at:
c) people do not usually taste like soap.

They can smell like it. Why don't you say that? And, yes, smell is an important component of taste, but I think most people don't associate soap with a pleasant flavor. It seems...unnatural.

YMMV, of course. You and your dog and your Aunt Bessie could taste like soap, and maybe this is a normal thing amongst the population and I and everyone I've licked is an outlier. If so, sorry.

Rant the second: If your fic is rated NC-17 and the tag says smut, you really don't need to put "explicit sex" in the warning. And then make the text background black too so that you have to highlight it to read it. No, really, it's not that big of a spoiler.