"Hey guys! I don't own anyone in this story except my OC. Trust me, she's great. You'll love her! If you have any questions about her or want to know more about her then please PM me! I'll write a summary about her in a later chapter. But please don't steal her for your own story. If you do, I'll know about it! LOL! But seriously don't steal her. I'm very proud of her and don't want to see her in anyone else's hands. LOL"


Okay, so there's nothing neccessarily wrong with your OC, author. She isn't a Sue and she helps carry the story along. But you really need to tone down your appreciation of her. It's starting to get in the way of the story.

I mean, do you really need to tell us in EVERY chapter how great you think she is?
And do you really need to keep warning readers not to steal her for their own work?

You wrote in chapter 1's disclaimer how much you loved her and how you didn't want anybody stealing her, then you wrote a similar thing in the A/N at the end of the chapter. Fair enough, that should be the end of it, right?
But instead of writing a chapter 2, you decided to write an A/N consisting of your OC's life story, which was longer than the first chapter itself and had no relevance to the fic's plot at all.
Then in chapter 3 you continued the story...after writing YET ANOTHER paragraph on how great you thought your OC was and how you didn't want readers to steal her.
Then you broke up the next few chapters with A/N's in the middle of the story (a big no-no in itself) with small notes like: "Remember to PM me if you want to find out more about my OC!"

What the hell, author? Your story was well-written, interesting and the characters were IC. And your OC isn't that bad either, even if her role in the story is rather generic and has been done numerous times in other fics in this fandom. So why-oh-why are you destroying your fic with your strange obsession with your own OC? :(

Sincerely,

A very disappointed reader

From the same fic, some ymmv:

Dr. Spencer Reid would not break down crying in Hotch's arms if he had to shoot an UnSub to save said unit chief's life. He's done it before and he didn't cry the first time. Hell, we've only even seen it implied that Reid cried, let alone actually shown, a couple of times over the course of the entire series.

Further, he would not apologize to Hotch for shooting a man who was about to kill him.

Unless this is taking place prior to 3x02, Hotch no longer lives in the house he shared with Haley. Considering who got shot (name avoided for spoiler reasons), I'd hope it's not before then.

Healing sex is... no. Just no.

This is far from the first near-death experience any of the team has faced. Though it may be the most invasive, in that the UnSub came into Hotch's home, I somehow doubt he would spend more than a day dwelling on the fact that he was almost shot, when in the end, he wasn't even injured.

Good H/R fic is so hard to find. :\

We know the characters you're AUing are in their twenties and one is about four years older than the other. Thing is, though, the characters don't know this about each other. In fact, one character spends most of this particular fic not knowing his own name, never mind his own age. So describing these two as 'the older man' and 'the younger man'? Not cool.

Ok, lets see if I can get better reviews here, because the people at ff.net are not reviewing this at all. I wonder if it's just that good or just that bad. LOL. Let me know either way.


That will NOT make me want to read your fic. It just makes me want to run away in the opposite direction.

Having watched a friend play through some of Castlevania: Lament of Innocence (I believe that's the right one; there are so many Castlevania games it's making me dizzy), I got a hankering for slash fic.

A semi-long and crimson tongue appeared and traced Leon’s jawbone

It took me a good minute and a half to realize that was Walter's tongue you were talking about. I thought there was some random monster appearing out of nowhere to join in molesting Leon. Not that I have any problems with that beyond the usual "WARN, DAMMIT!"

Okay, this is probably gonna be YMMV and I'll probably get people saying, "I have no problem with this," but I hope I'm not alone. I get really annoyed when somebody posts a fic that's s'posed to be part of the author's larger "'verse" and doesn't link to any of the other fics that might give readers the context of what's going on.  For some reason, this seems to happen a lot in crossover comms.  Guess what, authors?  We're not Professor X or Matt Parkman or any other telepath, so you gotta give us an overview or link us to past fics!  Do a master post!  I've seen lots of other people do it, but there are also a bunch of people who don't, and when they don't, I think it looks like they don't want to draw new readers, but keep it as an inside joke with their five regular readers. 

( Some Supernatural examples. What IS it with that fandom? )

Edited because everything somehow ended up in a Giant Paragraph of Doom.

Dear FS/N author,

I see that you were trying to improve my reading experience. Awesome, and thank you for the consideration. However, something makes me think that you haven't really thought this gimmick through.

You see, you decided to give your fanfic a soundtrack.

...Yes, I know that sounds fine on paper, if a little pretentious, but allow me to illustrate how this works in execution.

( Slightly long post be slightly long, folks )

The moral of the story? Fanfics should not have soundtracks

So. Writerface. Your fic wasn't bad -- in fact, the way you fleshed out the rather sparse canon setting was very creative and your prose, while having many, many grammatical errors, was fairly decent. I'll give you that. This is why I offered to be your beta, so your fic could reach its potential.

You posted as an A/N for your fic, "don't have a beta, if you are interested, drop me a line." (I paraphrase.)

I leave a review, offering my services as beta.

Your response (as the next chapter's A/N), dear Writerface? "Don't leave it in a review - e-mail me instead."

...Uh. Okay. Kinda rude, but partially my fault as well for misinterpreting what you meant by "dropping a line". So I send a polite e-mail, again offering my services as beta (strictly in regards to spelling and punctuation, which I explained - I didn't feel the author needed my assistance in any other area).

The answer: "Thanks but no thanks. Someone else more familiar with the fandom volunteered."

Again, uh... okay. Maybe it's true, that the other person who volunteered is more familiar with the canon Writerface was working with (even though it didn't seem like Writerface could tell how much I knew the canon, but whatever). I offered, Writerface didn't accept. Not the end of the world, really. I still continue to read Writerface's fic, though, because I liked it well enough before all this happened and just because Writerface was a tad blunt shouldn't influence my opinion of his work.

Then the next chapter, posted about a day later, features a line in the A/N: "Sorry about the poor spelling and grammar, but I don't have a beta. *shrug*".

Suddenly, I don't feel like helping you anymore, Writerface.

(Could be I'm being too sensitive, but... really. If you didn't want a beta, why did you ask for one? And then proceed to go about it so poorly? I just don't get it.)

Edited because punctuating was not the word I was looking for. XD

Greetings, meatbags certain parts of the Knights of the Old Republic fandom!

I noticed you like to make your Player Characters light-sided. That's great, so do I! I also noticed that you like to make your light-sided PCs the biggest Mary Sues ever conceived. That's not so great.

Now, granted, it's not as if this doesn't have canonical support. Playing the game and choosing all the good options will turn your character into the biggest Mary Sue ever conceived. The kind you'd expect grow a halo and be announced by a spontaneously generated chorus of angels. The kind that would be able to circumnavigate Manaan on foot.

But just because I play as one doesn't mean I want to read about one.

There's a reason Inferno is more popular than Paradiso, and that's because unambiguously good characters are boring. I like a good light-sided PC, but it's more interesting to see someone struggle a little for it. And not just, "Oh, I nearly went into a righteous rage at the slavers on Kashyyyk! Woe is me!" I mean actual, honest-to-god flaws that aren't "cares too much about people". (Not that this couldn't potentially be an interesting flaw and a good reason to fall to the Dark Side if explored well, but most of the time it's just shorthand for, "Look at how compassionate my character is! Isn't he/she awesome?")

Also, you now what I'd really like to see?

( Oh hi there, huge spoiler for the first game! You know the one. )

Of course, no one is obligated to write what I want. (Otherwise the world would contain more T3-M4/HK-47*.) I realize that people are allowed to see their PC as they like — that's kind of the point of having customizable PCs. But I think it would make a much more compelling character than Mr/Ms Perfect, wouldn't it? The games do encourage you to either become the second coming of Christ or grow a goatee and kick puppies. But good gameplay choices don't always make interesting characters.

Bonus Star Wars Rant: You know, when you absolutely need an Imperial who would believably rape your OC** for the lulz, Grand Admiral Thrawn is probably not the best choice.

*T3 tops.
**At least, I'm assuming it's an OC. With the EU, it can be hard to tell.

A month ago, I posted a fic with a cliffhanger ending. Several people were...unhappy and asked/demanded that I continue. After thinking about it for a long time, I decided to expand the original. It was originally written for a fest and I had to cut out a lot to make deadline and honor my recipients request, including the resolution of the hated cliffhanger. So, I've started posting the revised version and the silence is deafening. The same people who begged me to continue are nowhere to be found. I realize no one is owed a review but you'd think one of the people who begged for more would have responded with an "I'm so glad you're reworking this." Apparently not.

Apologies if I'm coming off as entitled. I'm just so frustrated.

ETA to correct the timeframe.

Dean Winchester was born on January 24th, 1979. He was not born in April 1978. The fic is great, but the timeline fail threw me out of it a little bit. And to other authors, Dean was not born in any other month after January in 1979. January 24th, 1979 is his established canon birthday, just like May 2nd, 1983 is Sam's.

People still mess up Sam's birthday somehow, too. I don't get it.

Look, ficwriters.

I know Merlin is an anachronistic show, with historical realism downplayed like woah.
But, could you, I don't know, be a little more considerate? And stop with OKs and occasional mentioning of potato?
It's jarring.

Dear yaoi author,

You have soiled my keyboard, for I was drinking when I read your fic, and this line:

the hot mouth that was currently suckling at his left nipple as though a babe were trying to nurse made me spew my drink all over.

( why oh why? )

I read the rules and I have a question about posting a fan fiction. It says no Shota....so that means no pairings with Hitsugaya, right? Because, he IS sort of shota.... In my story hitsugaya is 13, which is not technically pre pubescent...but I don’t want to even come close to breaking a rules. Could someone please let me know if it would be okay to post my fan fiction here?

1.) If "no shota plz" meant no Hitsugaya, there would be no Hitsugaya fic in the comm. (There is.)
2.) Hitsugaya is hardly, chronologically, Shota Cat or Pedo Bear bait. Physically? He's probably hit puberty. And I'm also pretty damn sure that 13 IS Shota Cat bait, though Pedo Bear really prefers the under 12 crowd.
3.) A quick Google search will give you the Wikipedia article on Shota, which would probably help you out. (For the record, I provided this link.)
4.) ASK A MOD, DAMNIT.

When calculating characters' ages, it's a good idea to make sure your math is right. I get that one particular author was trying to say a man married a much younger woman who wasn't much older than his first child. However, if said child is eight and the stepmother is only six years older, the stepmother would be 14. I don't know if this is what the author intended, but given the setting of the fic (modern-day Europe), that's probably not even legal.

tears gathered at the ends of tightly closed eyes, which covered the normally expressive silver eyes


Eyes don't cover eyes. Eyelids do.

So I stumbled onto this Cardcaptor Sakura AU set in the Eastern Front of WWII. Nice idea and all since I'd like to see more fictional works about the Soviet fight against the Nazis. But in any case there were a few problems. 1. Sakura would not have been 'drafted' as men were drafted into the Red Army. Rather how bout the alternative as a female aviator or a female sniper (Russian Female Commie Sniper is awesome)? But in those cases (correct me if I'm wrong) I'm pretty sure they volunteered. 2. If this was set in Russia, why is Sakura Kinomoto still being called 'Sakura Kinomoto'. If you couldn't be bother to think of a alternative Russian name, why not set this story in WWII-era Japan?

Dear Author,

So you made an AU where the main character is an alien suffering from amnesia who kills people who annoy him because that's acceptable in his culture. That's pretty cool; it could make for some interesting reading if done well.

However.

The love interest who's taking care of him is human, with human emotions and was raised in human society. His response to Character A killing two people who hit on him and eating their eyeballs would not be to roll his eyes and vaguely chastise him with the "when in Rome" talk. No, seriously. It wouldn't.

No love,

Me

Reminded of this by a post further down about the sex drive and lack thereof of a species which doesn't canonically reproduce in that manner.

Dear smut author:

I don't think it's possible for a character to have anything approaching a sex drive if they canonically had all their sexual organs removed via either surgery or genetic fiddling (I'm not too clear on that point) before birth.

I've never been the sort of person that gets into a fandom and HAS to have a favorite pairing. But a few do pop up every once in a while, and even an OTP has finally found its way to me. So of course I go off to find fics about the pairings I like, specifically the OTP. None of them are bad, really (though a few are great for laughs), but I do have one big problem with them.

They're all the same.
( Read more... )

I was really enjoying the hot boy!sexin' until you had Boy A, who had just been riding Boy B, "dismount" and proceed to suck off Boy B. Um. That is beyond unsanitary and disgusting. That dick that he now has in his mouth? Was just in his ass. Just, no.



Edited for clarification: Boy B was inside of Boy A, then Boy A started with the blowjob. And they hadn't been using a condom.

Dear specific J2 author (though sadly, I suspect you're not the only one):

( Smut Cut (TM) )

Duly horrified,

Me.

Dear Author,

When your fic is rated NC-17 and its summary reads "a bit of smut behind-the-scenes at a miscellaneous photoshoot", I think that you might also want to mention that it goes beyond just smut and that the main character is being sexually assaulted.

( Read more... )

If your kink meme prompt looks like this:
Ummm I'd REALY like it to be as rough and dirty as possible..... all kinks okay......... It's up to you whether you want it to be noncon or dubcon!!! ;-D

Then this is my automatic reaction:
Wow, creepy Uncle Tim, when did you find Livejournal?

Edited to fix spacing.

ETA: The juxtaposition of noncon/dubcon, three exclamation points, and the enthusiastic emoticon all throw me a little.

This has probably been ranted about at least a dozen times before, but here goes. It was inspired by a specific author (and is directed at them), but could apply to so many people out there.

If you're trying to write a smut fic that isn't supposed to be funny, could you please stay away from euphemisms like "cunt butter"? I was really enjoying your fic, but seeing those two words pop up in the middle of what I can only describe as romantic smut threw me out of the fic so fast that I'm still giggling over the mental image of .... Well, I think you get the picture.

And hey, if you enjoy that kind of euphemism, that's fine. I'm sure you're not the only one. Just try to get into your potential readers' shoes and think about how that phrase might affect their ability to enjoy the scene. Trust me when I say that pretty much everyone will be much happier if you do.

I admit that this may just be a product of my twisted brain, but it keeps happening when I read fics . . .

When you have a species that, canonically, reproduces in a way that is entirely asexual, would they actually have a sex drive? Would they even be born/created/come into existance with the bits needed to have sex? I realize that it's not a purely reproductive act, but would they biologically(or not) develop the hormones or nerve clusters required to make it worth their while?

This isn't a 'Don't write' rant; I can mentally file such fics as AUs in a verse where they actually do have the bits, but my brain WILL NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS WHEN I AM SUPPOSED TO WRITE YULETIDE.

*whimper*

Dear SGA fic writer,

John Sheppard doesn't murder people in cold blood. Ever. Not even if they're traitorous little bastards. He usually beats himself up about anyone who dies on his watch. I get that this an AU fic, but if it's AU it doesn't mean it has to be OOC. I'm not going into the part where you don't fall completely madly risk-your-job in love with someone in a week because it was a decent enough fic.

Dear ALL fanfic writers ever (but especially you, in my SGA fandom),

Rape usually leaves the person in question traumatized on both a physical an psychological level. It does not make for three days of brooding, a nice talk to your friend and live happily ever after. If said character got pregnant she would at least consider not having the baby at all. Especially an educated woman in a high-power position. It's also not mandatory that she be a moody crazy bitch who throws things at people for the duration of the pregnancy. And i get that it's tru wuv, they're my OTP too, but a steamy kiss equally doesn't make everything better either.

Bad fics are so much easier to weed out when they're full of grammar errors and misspellings. And how come the first fic i choose read on ff.net in a long time is better than fics posted on usually trusted communities? What is the world coming to?

So, you know what should not go into author notes?
-Bragging about puns you were going to put in but decided not to
-Bragging about "the bloody brilliant exciting ideas" you came up with for future chapters
-Baby talk. No. Never. At first I hoped that "sawwee" was just you accidentally mashing your keyboard.
-Polling your readers about who your OC should get with
-Summing up the chapter in the end A/N

This would be less irritating if all this didn't occur in the same fic.

On a side note, if a book's pairing is A/B and you write A/C, you don't need to say "This only works if you pretend B was never born/A didn't love him/they never got together. If it said A/C in you summary (and it did, it was the reason I checked it out because it was an unusual pairing) then everyone knows its probably not going to have A/B.

If you smell cyanide, the correct thing to do is vacate the area before you get very unwell and pass out, and/or die (probably 'and').

The thing you really shouldn't do is tell your colleague about it so that they can lean closer and smell it, too.

Also? This line of dialogue? Fail.

“One word, black, mail.”

Dear authors in every fandom ever,

"This is just a fic I decided to write when I was..." is not a summary. It is an author's note. A summary tells us what happens in the fic.
Please keep that in mind.

Yours sincerely,
Me.

1. You do not need to bold the whole chapter. Really. In fact, it's a little annoying when you do.

2. In your fic, a character from our world finds herself on the Discworld. She asks the first person she meets where she is. Ok, but why is the answer she gets "Discworld"?
Imagine a stranger (even a strangely dressed one) asks you where thay are. You probably wouldn't tell them they're on Earth unless they look like they're from another planet (And, no, a human girl wearing modern clothes in Ankh-Morpork would not look like she's from another planet. Someone might notice she's wearing "foreign" clothes or something, but that's about it.)

3. Said character is unlikely to be buying anything just a moment after arriving in Ankh-Morpork. She doesn't have any Morporkian money.

4. It's probably not a good idea for said character to walk around acting like she knows everyone just because she's read some of the books. Again, imagine some very strange stranger that you've never seen in your life walks up to you and starts talking like you've always known each other and knows your name when you don't know hers. Suspicious, isn't it?

5. Nobby Nobbs is unlikely to try to arrest anyone for wearing strange clothes.

6. If he does, I still don't understand why he's taking her to Sally of all the people.

Dear Author:

I love your writing style. It's amazing. It has so much of what I love. You are undoubtedly a part of why this fandom is awesome.

...but did you really have to use the sympathetic (and meddling advice-giving) 3rd party trope (a woman, duh) to make the boys Face The Music that is their Epic Love? Look, I'm not saying it's unrealistic. I'm not even saying it's a dead horse as far as originality goes. Just. It feels like deus ex machina to have a bystander to understand both of them so perfectly and channel that Oprah feeling. And, and I just think you can come up with something other than that and still make it convincing.

*sigh*

Love,
Me

On a somewhat related note, woe to my testosterone-filled fandoms which have so few established female characters in canon. When women do get written about in these fandoms' slash, it's often either (1) the bitter ex, (2) the understanding ex, or (3) the Oprah love guru. (2 and 3 are often the one and the same.)

Dear writers—I don't care if you don't write about the women, I'm not here for the women if I'm reading slash. But if you are writing them, can you make their roles not revolving around men, once in a while? Please?

I clicked on a "50 Sentences" fic for Will/Finn from Glee, because I have no problem with Teacher/Student pairings and the 50 Sentences structure can provide some great insights, while making a quick read.

Unfortunately, from the first sentence, which had Will giving Finn a ring, (The prompt was "ring" but that's no excuse.) I had a feeling we were in trouble. I pretty much gave up at sentence three, when I read: the look of pure love and shocked wonder, as though Finn was the answer to all his prayers.

When I brought this gem to a friend's attention as an example of DOING IT WRONG, she was immediately annoyed at the bit where Will and Finn were moving in together, even though it's clear that Finn is still underage. (Said friend is in law school and up to her ass in finals which is why I'm ranting for both of us.)

It gets worse. Much, much worse, and just to be really petty, the writer has Will/Fin in the header, although they do have it spelled correctly in the story.

There's not enough fic for this pairing, which has so much potential, so it hurts to see it done this badly. Note to author: Neither Will, nor Finn is Bella Swan. REALLY.