kdeej ([info]kdeej) wrote in [info]faghags,
@ 2008-02-05 01:03:00
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question:

are you generally comfortable with your own sexuality?

i guess, lately, i've really been struggling to identify myself -- figure out exactly what i am, where i fit in the spectrum -- and that's just been a whole bleh of confusing. i can tell that the intensity of the relationships i have with my fags and my general attraction to gay men are obviously affecting this whole process and making things just that much more uncertain. it's weird.

do other people feel some sort of connection between their own sexualities and the fact that they are fag hags? i've always imagined it's completely different for every person, but i just have to at least explore the possibility that there may be some correlation.... right?

i don't know. i've been totally unsure who to go to for advice about this because... i mean with all the different factors that are contributing to my confusion about my sexuality, it's an awkward place to be in. i don't think my straight friends nor my gay friends can really understand what it is to be a [straight] woman more attracted to gay men than to straight ones. and not even necessarily sexually attracted just... bah! whatever. you guys get it. which is why i decided to ask you about your thoughts/experiences.

[way to just JUMP into this community, hey?
i've been lurking for a while, but i joined a couple days ago and this is my first post.
hi!
i'm khadija.
i was a closet case fag hag for years, which was just... awkward... and unsatisfying.
but, i'm out of the closet now and a proud ally and i have incredible friendships with some of the greatest fags in the world.
in my opinion.
aaaaand, yeah.
soul-bearing first, introductions later, that's what i always say.
LoL]

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[info]dangerouschick0
2008-02-05 10:14 pm UTC (link)
I know what your saying. To some extent :)
I some times question. But I'm not attract to the same sex.
I'm comfortable with who I am.
I'm a proud fag hag, and everyone I'm around, knows I am :D
I have some kind of thing for the gay guys XD.

I'm a lurker too >_>.
If I didn't answer your question right then I'm sorry ^^;;

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[info]kdeej
2008-02-06 07:12 am UTC (link)
thanks for sharing.
your display pic makes me smile!!!

(Reply to this)(Parent)

[info]fayesha
2008-02-06 01:44 am UTC (link)
hey babe,

I am very attracted to gay men too. I am very much comfortable with them and I often find myself not seeking for a partner of my own. However, I am very much fine with it as I understand what kind of companionship they give me. I conclude it's just not the time yet for me to find someone special.

what's important is that you must realise why you like about their company and what it makes you feel. i think from there on things will get slightly clear.


much luck!

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[info]kdeej
2008-02-06 07:16 am UTC (link)
thank you.
it's not really that i am confused about the fag-and-hag relationship, 'cause... i get it. i mean, i get what i desire in my relationships from gay men and what they can get from me, and that's all really great.
as i said, there are a lot of factors that have led me to this point and i'm just sort of wondering if being a fag hag has affected the way i see myself and the way i see relationships in general.
i think hearing how other people view themselves definitely helps, though. thanks tons.

(Reply to this)(Parent)
Maybe
[info]loonie78
2008-02-07 05:35 am UTC (link)
You might be a girlfag

(Reply to this)(Thread)
Re: Maybe
[info]kdeej
2008-02-08 06:37 am UTC (link)
does that mean like a... gay-identified female-bodied person?
or like a... lesbian?

haha. 'cause both are good possibilities. LoL

(Reply to this)(Parent)
Re: Maybe
[info]kdeej
2008-02-08 06:52 am UTC (link)
lol
so i just looked it up.
girlfag is another definite option.

(Reply to this)(Parent)

[info]storyofalife
2008-02-11 12:07 am UTC (link)
The person I can define in my life as having known for the longest time - we were next door neighbors before we even remember anything else - is a gay man. I've obviously so immersed in this community. My affinity is for gay men is inherent. I don't think that it defines my sexuality; although, I am still seeking that definition.

Good luck.

*HUGS*

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[info]kdeej
2008-02-12 06:01 am UTC (link)
oh my gosh. i know this kind of has nothing to do with anything, but i just finished reading 'the kiterunner' and... that 'being each other's first memory'-type relationship is so wicked powerful. that's fantastic.

um, yeah. thanks for your input. i seriously look forward to the day when homosexuality is just so inherent in everyone's lives that is HAS NO AFFECT on the way others [straight or otherwise] live their lives. AND, then those of us who are considered allies to the LGBT community won't feel so... out of place?

much love to you and yours

(Reply to this)(Parent)
I feel your pain
[info]restlessrusalka
2008-02-11 10:19 pm UTC (link)
I am straight...there is no question about it. But sometimes I can't help but wonder if there is something seriously wrong with me. I thought that I had become immune to falling for gay men...especially once I went to the music conservatory (fag heaven) and developed an extremely keen sense of gaydar. Yet despite all reason, it's happening again. Granted, I adore this gay man in a totally platonic way, but that doesn't make it any less intense than a romantic attachment. The intensity of these feelings (although they are not sexual) rather unnerves me and I'm sure that it would really freak him out if he knew how much I thought of him. The last thing I would want him to think is that I was some stupid girl with a crush on him who was in denial about his being gay. Yet I totally accept that he is gay (for that's probably why he's the awesome person that he is) and wish him and his partner every happiness. *sigh*

Maybe some of us are gay men trapped in womens' bodies?

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Re: I feel your pain
[info]kdeej
2008-02-12 06:24 am UTC (link)
eek. the immediately important response: yes. i think some of us are.

that previous response i got about being a girlfag was seriously eye-opening. i've toyed with the idea that i'm a gay man in a female body and thought that was extremely strange ["i can't help but wonder if there is something seriously wrong with me"]. i had to sit down and contemplate it for a LONG WHILE before deciding that, no, i am actually a female. unless, i'm a cross dresser trapped in a female's body... which this community ALSO led me to realize is a possibility. but, at the base of it, in terms of sexuality i usually relate to gay men more than to females of any sexual orientation.

but, your other comment about NON-SEXUAL feelings was really important too. the intensity of the fag & hag relationship is so insane and, as the hag, it's really scary because it's impossible for anyone else to fully understand where we're coming from -- not even our fags. i can't even count how many times i've been terrified of frightening my closest friends away with the intensity of my feelings for them. a good number of times, i actually HAVE frightened them away.

honestly, i've realized that sometimes it's just best to be totally forthcoming. in all types of relationships, not just specifically with our gay friends. it's when they realize that you're trying to hide how much you love them that they start freaking out. "why is she acting so weird? why won't she hug me anymore? why does she have a shrine of me in her bedroom? OH MY GOD! SHE'S IN LOVE WITH ME!!!" haha. whereas if we just openly share "you mean so much to me. i'm so glad you're in my life. you're such a great friend," then it's all there and they can -- and probably will -- return the sentiments.

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Re: I feel your pain
[info]restlessrusalka
2008-02-12 02:33 pm UTC (link)
There is THE most exquisite fag in this group that I perform with. When in his presence, I just can't help but be in awe of not only his phenomenal talents as an artist---but his profound spiritual beauty. He is the kind of person whose inner beauty just *radiates* and he can effortlessly light up a room with his presence. The beauty of it all is that I don't think he knows how truly exceptional he is. He is the sweetest and most down-to-earth human being imaginable and couldn't be more hug-able. He feels to me *almost* like the big brother that I never had and I'd give anything to have more of him in my life. I find this very difficult to convey though. I am so terrified of scaring him away, possibly because of something that happened in my past. When I was a naive teenager, I had a very intense crush on a gay man (who was in the closet, had a lot of emotional problems and had not come to terms with his sexuality) that went pretty much resulted in his hating me and avoiding me. I have to keep reminding myself that this new gay man is different. Not only has he embraced who he is and is in a happy relationship; but he is incredibly warm, kind and has a very big heart. I wish that I could be more like him. He is just too precious for words.

I totally hear you about relating more to gay men than most females. The problem with women is that they have a tendency to be very petty and spiteful. I hate it when I am under their power in a professional situation; because I feel like if I dare disagree with them on something, that they'll hold it against me and screw me over in the future. I find that fags in general are much better colleagues; much better human beings in general. And it is a tragedy for me that straight men generally don't share their exceptional qualities.

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