One of the girls giggled. "It's real sad about Steve and all, but you kind of rocked." She whispered loudly, "You could be the starter."

"Uh... Thanks?"

She laughed and hung on his arm and really, Itey just looked confused.

"Gabriel," the other girl said, glaring at the cheerleader hanging on his other arm, "are you going to Shelby's party this weekend? You should so totally come."

"Uh..."

"Yeah," the first girl said. "You could come with me."

"Um..."

Dutchy broke in. "Gabe, wow, awesome game, come on, your team is waiting to congratulate you." He grabbed Itey's arm and dragged him away from the two girls.

"Thanks," Itey hissed gratefully.

"More cheerleaders for me."

"Yeah, if you can get them to touch you."

"Hey, why not? I'm the superstar's best friend." Dutchy gave his arm an affectionate punch, but then added, sounding kind of needy, "...Right?"

Itey rolled his eyes. "Duh, Dutchy. Always have been. Now go get laid."

"Gladly." Dutchy pounded his back a little. "Seriously, though. You did good. Well."

Itey gave him a weird look and walked off to go change out of his sweaty uniform.

---

Dutchy sat alone in his kitchen. Alone in his house. Alone.

You're a loser.

He shook his head, shook the hair out of his eyes, and laughed. "I know, I knooooow."

And you're needy, too.

"No freaking kidding!" he laughed, even though it wasn't funny, it was pathetic. That was kind of what his life was lately, just pathetic. And here he was, talking to himself--as far as he knew, the voices were really just himself--and laughing about it because he couldn't help himself, and no one could help him, either.

He giggled.

Itey was such a good guy, too, was the thing. Itey really believed they were still best friends; that the fact that Itey played basketball and made good grades and got hit on by cheerleaders didn't at all affect their friendship. Even though Dutchy was just a pathetic, sad loser who only prided himself on his abilities in bed. Which were getting rusty, because he hadn't been laid in what felt like forever.

Something about that thought was really, really funny. It was odd, because Dutchy knew it should have upset him, but it just made him laugh. Which was good. He needed to laugh.

Itey was popular now, and Jack had David and Sarah, and even Blink was suddenly, like, best friends with Sean.

And Dutchy was just some loser sitting alone in his house, unable to stop laughing even when his nose started bleeding.

It was all so fucking hysterical.

---

"I hope you guys aren't gonna smoke up..." Itey warned, his hands shoved in his pockets. "Or I'm gonna leave."

"Don't leave," Jack said. "It's nothing that'll get us too stoned."

"Don't, please, for me." Itey rarely ever begged. And he'd never say out loud that he really hated his friends when they were stoned. They just got so...mean and rude. He wondered if all people were when they were stoned.

"Okay, okay, I won't," Blink said. He looked up at the sky. "Look how bright the stars are..."

Dutchy snorted. "That was the lamest thing you've ever said."

"Shut up..."

The stars were bright. Nights like these were really nice for the four of them. Out in Jack's back alley, past midnight. When none of them could sleep, Jack usually went and rounded them all up quietly. They lived so close to each other.

And he couldn't sleep tonight. He'd been thinking. Sean, Denise. They were both in his head.

Itey had been thinking too. Troubled, a little. Unsure of whether or not he should bring it up with his friends.

Blink had been scattered, his mind was all over. A new friend in someone he didn't think even liked him.

And Dutchy...well, Dutchy hardly ever slept at all.

"This is depressing," Itey said finally, shivering. "All of us standing out here, looking upset."

"Who's upset?" Dutchy bit back a giggle. "This is just fanTAStic."

"Dude, are you already high?" Blink asked.

Dutchy nodded.

"Did you bring any to share with the group, Mr. Mardoslavic?"

Shook his head no. It was sort of an unspoken rule that Jack and Blink didn't do anything heavier than pot. Dutchy didn't know if they even knew he did.

"Dutchy," Itey said tiredly. "You really shouldn't..."

"It's fine. It's all fine." He grinned. "See? It's FINE. Everything is!"

"And it makes you act like a moron, health aside," Itey continued.

Dutchy giggled.

"It's cold out," Jack said finally.

"Because it's winter."

"What are you snippy about?" Jack asked Itey. Not mean, just curious. "You're the star of the day."

"No, I'm not..." Itey mumbled.

"Itey doesn't like being the center of attention!" Dutchy proclaimed. "He hates it. Hates it hates it. He should swap with me."

"How much did you smoke?" Blink asked.

"Your mom. Twice."

"That doesn't even make sense..." Jack trailed off, then looked at Itey again. "Hey, come on, you okay?" He liked worrying about Itey. Itey reminded him of David sometimes, but only in the way he wasn't a complete idiot like the rest of them were. Itey and David were sort of the non-idiots, even if they weren't very alike.

"Fine, just... like, the basketball team sucks sometimes."

"Dude, you guys rocked," Blink said. "What are you talking about?"

"Not as a team. As people." Itey pulled a pair of gloves out of his pockets and pulled them on. "I mean, Steve and Drew--Andrew--and Chris and them."

"Are idiots, so?"

"So... They kind of always assume I'm their friend and I agree with them. And I don't."

"Duh."

"I just feel like... I don't know. You guys are my friends. People don't even realize that, though."

"Not your fault people are stupid," Jack pointed out, and Dutchy began giggling again.

Everyone stared at him.

"What?" he asked.

"You are such a fucking druggie," Jack sighed. "And that's coming from me, and I've been busted at school twice."

"For being stupid!"

"Dutchy, shut up!" Blink snapped. "You're making too much noise, do you want everyone to wake up?"

"Why're you always telling me to shut up, one eye?" Dutchy demanded, his voice high pitched. "You hate me?"

"Of course not," Blink said, smiling a little. "But Jesus Christ, you need to come down to earth, Marvin the Martian."

"Ask Itey! He's gonna tell us his new friends hate us."

"They aren't my friends, they're my teammates," Itey said. "You guys are my friends."

"Nuh uhhh." Dutchy shoved Itey a little. "You're popular now."

"It was one game, it'll blow over," Itey said. "Dutchy, stop acting like this, okay? They aren't my friends."

"Not just one game," Blink mused. "I mean, Steve's out for at least a week."

Itey groaned. "Yeah, so that's two more games. And then Steve The Conquering Hero comes back, and everyone realizes how strong and brave he is to play so soon after an injury like that, and life is back to normal."

"Uh huh." Blink didn't sound convinced, even though Itey's tone of voice made it pretty clear what he thought of Steve.

"Why are you guys so uptight about this?" Itey demanded. "You know I'm your friend." He nudged Dutchy with his elbow. "Your best friend, Dutch. Don't be a jerk, okay?"

Dutchy grinned at him. "Okay."

"Good."
"You know, if you liked boys, I'd totally kiss you right here and now."

Itey blinked, and then punched Dutchy in the arm. "Cut it OUT!"

"Dutchy, that's gross, it's Itey."

"Oh, thanks a lot, Blink."

"What? I'm helping you out."

"Guys?" Jack asked. "Was Sarah flirting with Carl Lewis? I think she was flirting with Carl Lewis."

"Carl likes her," Itey supplied, now in a bit of a mock punching match with Dutchy.

Jack's face darkened. "What?! Since when?"

"Always? Ow!" Itey laughed.

"You have four arms!" Dutchy exclaimed.

"Man is he gone, or what?" Blink turned to Jack. "So it's really fine if Sean goes to the party? I mean, you won't be a brat about it?"

Jack kicked at some snow on the ground. "When am I a brat?"

"Always? OW!" Itey punched Dutchy back again.

"What is it with you and him anyway?" Jack asked Blink, looking offended. "You have a crush on him or something?"

"No," Blink snapped. "Why do people keep... God." He shook his head. "Seriously, he's so fucked up, I wouldn't want to ever... Just, no."

"Then what is it?"

"I dunno. He's kind of interesting, tough to figure out."

"Not really. He's a dick," Jack scowled.

"No, like... I dunno, like when he kicked Steve's ass. Steve was saying all this shit about him... him and me, you know, him being my boyfriend because we were sitting together and Sean kind of lost it."

"No kidding," Itey murmured.

"Great, so he's homophobic enough to beat someone up for suggesting--"

"Jesus, Jack, you're talking to me. If I'm not offended, you really have no right to be." Blink rolled his eye.

Itey offered, "Drew said he was, uh... 'totally gay.' But it's Drew, so that could just mean, you know, 'he dared beat Steve in a fight'."

"Yeah, probably." Blink shrugged. "I dunno, he's a dick and all, but he's kind of cool."

Jack snorted, angrily. Usually when he was being childish they all laughed it off. But right now, it wasn't too amusing.

"Jack, come on..." Itey trailed off. "Just let it go. You were really good today; you didn't let him get to you. And see, he wasn't bothering you."

Jack didn't say anything.

"It's not like he hates you," Blink included. "He never talks about you."

He still didn't talk.

"AAWWWwww Jack--"

"Dutchy, quiet!"

"Pipe it, Itey. Awww, Jacky-Jack, we love ya, we do. I'd so fuck you. I SO WOULD. Oh man, your skin glows in the moonlight..." Dutchy trailed off, then cleared his throat flamboyantly and continued. "But no one is ditching you for Sean. Except I wanna fuck him a lot more than I wanna fuck you." Dutchy squinted. "I hope that come out right...heee, MAN your skin is shiny."

Blink burst out laughing, and then tried to muffle the sound as Itey sent him a glare. But in a minute, Jack started, and then even Itey couldn't control himself. Then Dutchy laughed too, confused, and Jack was a lot more laid back after that.

"So uh..." Jack asked, still snickering, turned to Itey. "Does Carl actually like Sarah?"

Dutchy and Blink were still laughing. Dutchy from the drugs, Blink from the giddiness of someone around him being on drugs.

"Yes," Itey said. "Always has."

"Always?"

"Well, since she made the cheerleading team, anyway."

"That dick," Jack scowled. "She's so taken!"

"Except for when you break up every other month."

"We do not, and even then we always get back together, so he'd better not be making a move on--"

"Shhh!"

Everyone fell silent, and watched as Blink stared up at a window in Jack's house. It was a first floor window, but the house was on a slight rise so it was still above their heads. And someone was moving inside.

"Uh... that's not your room and it's not Denise's room," Itey noted, knowing the layout of Jack's house pretty well.

"Yeah." Jack sighed.

"So..."

"Hey, assholes." The window slid open and Sean leaned out. "You wanna keep your orgy or whatever the hell you're doing out there down a little bit?"

"You wanna JOIINNN?" Dutchy yelled, and Itey slapped his hand over Dutchy's mouth to shut him up.

"You wish, blondie." Sean paused. "Keep on trying with ol Moonlight Jack, over there, you fucking stoner."

And he slammed the window.

Everyone was quiet for a second.

"He totally heard us."

"Yep."

---

"I'm telling you, we don't have time. Besides." Jack crossed his arms stubbornly. "We're not smoking up in my house. Mom would skin me. And I'm seeing Sarah in half an hour and that'd kind of kill the mood."

Dutchy groaned. "Come on, Jack."

"Smoke your own shit!"

"I don't want to waste it! It's for special occasions only."

Jack shook his head. "Then stop smoking it so much. Man." Jack opened the fridge. "I'm having a pizza pop. Want one?"

"Nah."

"You're this close to being as skinny as the dick." Jack pulled a pizza pop out of the freezer, and went for the microwave. Just as Sean entered the kitchen. "Hey, dick."

"Jacqueline." Sean gave him a nod, and Dutchy laughed. Sean sneered at him, and immediately, Dutchy faltered and trailed off.

It was considerably quieter now that Sean was in the room and Jack was avoiding argument. Almost boring.

"Soooo, uh... Sean..." Dutchy trailed off. "Live around here much?"

"Not by choice." Sean rolled his eyes, grabbled a popsicle from the freezer--Jack wasn't sure he'd ever seen Sean eat anything else--and started back out of the room, then stopped. "Jess and I had a real good time this afternoon," he added, smirking.

"Drop dead," Jack answered, gritting his teeth.

"Yeah, she's worried I'm gonna. That's why she's decided to call me every night. Has she ever asked for your phone number, Dennis?"

"Shut up." Dutchy didn't even know what to say. Everything he said around Sean was stupid. Everything Jack said around Sean was mean. Everything Itey said got him a 'fuck off' in response. In almost a week, the only one who had managed to hold a conversation with him was Blink.

Dutchy was jealous.

Sean was a challenge. An improbably hot challenge. And a distraction, kind of. From everything. From his lack of a real kind of relationship, from his house, from Jess not knowing his name. Though the drugs were a distraction too. But at this point they were more a necessity.

Sean was so hot and cool and Dutchy would never admit to Jack that just how much he did want Sean to talk to him.

"Do you like her?" Dutchy asked.

Sean let out a bark, one sharp laugh, and then didn't reply at all. He didn't leave either though, which made Jack rudely check his watch.

"Don't be a dick to her," Dutchy mumbled, his urge to not say stupid things in front of Sean being beaten out just slightly by his adoration of Jess. "She's got it bad enough with Steve."

"If he's so awful, why does she stay with him?"

"If he's so NOT awful, why did you bother to kick his ass, Shawna? You never bother with us, so he must have gotten to you." He rolled his eyes. "Fuck Jess, don't fuck Jess, sprain Steve's other knee, whatever. I don't fucking care anymore."

And with that, Jack pushed past Sean, out of the room, and then they heard his footsteps out front, and the door slamming shut.

Spot smirked. Dutchy froze up.

Dutchy was alone in a house with Sean.

All of his senses were kind of on fire, so he squirmed a bit in his seat.

"I'm just saying..." his voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. "I'm just saying that she's actually a really nice person, so don't do anything that might..."

Seam watched him, observed him, licking his popsicle. That way. Again. Dutchy shifted seating positions slightly, and Sean noticed. He grinned.

"Got a hard on, blondie?"

"No," Dutchy blurted. "You wish."

And Sean just looked at him, with those dark eyes and his ratty, thick hair, which dropped into his eyes. He was so amazing looking, especially now.

Sean took a very long, very dirty suck on his popsicle, and Dutchy wanted to look away, but couldn't quite bring himself to, because damn it all, it was hot. Sean finished off by licking very slowly and deliberately around the top of the popsicle, like he was...

Well, they both knew what he was imitating.

Dutchy was staring open mouthed, and finally said, "Most straight guys don't know quite so much about giving blowjobs."

"Funny thing about that," Sean said, and raised an eyebrow, and began to lick up the side of the popsicle.

"I should... I should go..."

"Go, come, it's all the same to me. See ya, blondie." And Sean turned and strolled out of the room.

Dutchy whimpered.

--

Sean sat in his seat, feet up on his desk, thinking. About this stupid party. This stupid party at someone named Shelby's house that everyone was going to. That Blink said he could go to.

And until last night, Sean hadn't seen a reason in going.

Except...

Dutchy wanted him. Badly. That was obvious. And even though Sean didn't have a particular interest in him what so ever as a person, he wasn't bad looking. He was blond, which was always a huge plus in Sean's books. Non-blonds had to be extraordinarily good looking for him to consider.

It wasn't like anything had to mean something.

"What's with the quiet?" Blink asked, craning his neck to speak to him.

"What's it to you?" Sean snapped.

"Your comebacks are getting worse. With me."

"Fuck off."

"You gonna come tomorrow? Load up and party?"

"I might."

"You serious?" Blink sounded kind of surprised. "I thought you hated everyone."

"I do. I wanna get laid."

"Oh." He considered. "Um... Good luck with that."

"Don't need luck; I have Dutchy."

He raised an eyebrow and Blink winced. This could be so very, very not good at all.

"Uh... You should know, then, Dutchy... Um, he gets attached. Like--"

"Don't really care."

"You're going to fuck him over."

"Yeah, I prefer it on top."

"So you're just going to... To do it, and then..."

Sean said nothing. Blink groaned.

"At least he won't worry about me and Jess anymore."

Which wasn't even true, because Sean's mind games were just getting meaner and meaner. Not that anyone else really knew it, but it was true.

"No, 'cause he'll be so freaked out over you and him."

"Not my problem."

"You're such an asshole, Sean, seriously. Dutchy is my friend, I'm gonna warn him..."

"You know, Ryan, remarkably, I don't think he'll pay that much attention."

Blink said nothing. Sean had never called him Ryan before. Blink was a bit taken aback, at first, raised his eyebrows. "Listen, Sean, even you can't do that to someone."

Sean let out a loud snort. "You don't even know me, cyclops."

"Dutchy's my friend. And I will tell him, and he's not stupid!" Blink backtracked. "Well...he is when he's really horny, which he is, but..." Blink shook his head. "That's besides the point, you're not gonna--"

"You trying to tell me what to do?" Sean's face darkened. "I really hope not."

Blink frowned. "Then don't do that to Dutchy. Leave him alone."

Sean leaned forward, stared at Blink. "Fuck. Off."

Blink was quiet. That was definitely something that made a person back off. Sean wasn't the type of person to cross, unless you wanted to end up with a busted body part.

"I'll still tell him," Blink mumbled.

"Knock yourself out."

"Why do you have to be such a dick to him all the time?" Blink asked, then added, "Why do you have to be such a dick to everyone?"

"Because my mommy and daddy didn't love me enough." Sean shot him a sideways glance, and smirked. "Look, Blink; either you can shut the hell up and I'll continue to tolerate you, or you can push it and I can beat the shit out of you. Your call."

Blink fell silent.

So much for their alleged friendship. Suddenly, being tolerated by Sean didn't seem quite so cool.

---

After school, Blink lay on Dutchy's bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering how to bring up this type of subject with Dutchy without hurting any feelings. Dutchy was preoccupied, sitting on the floor, strumming some garage band tune on his fender guitar.

Blink was glad that at least Dutchy wasn't smoking up. The subject would have been impossible to tackle had that been the case. So he thanked his lucky stars for that one.

He glanced at his friend, about to open his mouth, but stopped short, raising an eyebrow. "Dutch?"

No reply.

"Dutchy."

"Yeah?" Dutchy looked up at him, still strumming. "What? Is the playing annoying? Is it annnooyyyinnggg--" Dutchy started strumming faster and tunelessly, grinning away.

"Cut it out!" Blink yelled, but laughed. "No, just...would you stop?"

"Yeah, okay, what?" Dutchy stopped playing, reached over to turn off his amp.

"I, uh..." Blink cleared his throat, was distracted again by looking at Dutchy's frame. "Did you lose weight? You look skinny."

Dutchy shrugged. "I've always been skinny."

"Yeah, but you're... kinda skeleton-y now."

"Yeah, well." Dutchy shrugged.

"Uh, okay. Anyway, just..." Blink sighed. There was no good way to do this. "What would you do if Sean was gay?"

"Cream myself and throw myself at him."

"Thought you did that anyway."

"I'd do it more."

"What if... What if it worked?"

"What?"

"I dunno, what if he said yes?"

"I'd... Well, yeah, I'd so do him." Dutchy laughed. "And then run like hell, because he's scary as fuck."

"Yeah, he is." Blink looked down at the floor, then up at Dutchy. "Dutch, he's gay. He's gonna agree to sleep with you and he's gonna be a dickhead about it. So... Just, don't. Please."

Dutchy blinked, then his mouth hung open a little. "He's actually gay?"

"Yes."

"...oh."

"It's not too surprising, if you think about it," Blink said.

"Yeah..." Dutchy trailed off, then gulped. "So...so, then, Sean wants me?"

"He wants sex, Dutchy, not you. No offense."

Dutchy bit his lip. "But like, it's no big deal, it's not like I'll like, I dunno, get really attached."

"Yes, you will, Dutch," Blink said quietly, trying to be nice. "You always do. So just, don't. Okay? Just blow Sean off, because you don't need that from him."

Dutchy quietly played with the frays sticking out of the hole in his sock. "I guess. No, okay. He's scary anyway." He looked back up at Blink. "But he's really, really hot, Blink."

"Dutchy."

Dutchy frowned. "Fine. I won't. Okay? I won't."

Blink too a deep breath. "Promise?"

"What?"

"Seriously, I know you. Promise me you won't just... give in and sleep with him."

"I promise," Dutchy said. "Jesus, Ryan. I'll go sleep with one of Itey's leftovers, they're still swarming all over him and he just wants to run away. I'm know I'm sad lately and all, but I can still get some when I put my mind to it." He punched Blink affectionately. "Unlike some people I could name."

"Shut up," Blink griped, but was kind of relieved.

Though Dutchy did have a point. Blink had passed horny and was now to the point of resenting couples wherever he saw them. He wanted to get laid, yes, but he wanted someone. Because he'd never even been on a real date.

Sometimes, he felt like the only gay teenager in the world.

Even with Sean there.
 
---

"Would you stop pouting?" Sarah snapped at Jack. "GOD, sometimes you can be so impossible."

"Tell that to David!" Jack retorted. "He should have come!"

"Jack, no offense, but there's a reason no one hangs around you and Sarah at parties," Blink said. "Annddd, see, we know other people who are gonna be there, so we can escape. But David doesn't have that option."

"Did I ask you?" Jack griped.

Blink made a face at him. Luckily, the van was pretty big, so no one was cramped in the back seats. Still, if Sarah and Jack were going to keep snipping at each other the entire ride, Blink was sure he'd get a sudden bout of claustrophobia.

"I shouldn't have come..." Itey mumbled.

"What? Come onnn, don't talk that way," Dutchy whined. "You'll have all the chicks all over you."

"Exactly."

"You're not gay, right?" Sarah asked over her shoulder.

"I'm not gay," Itey assured her.

"Then what's the problem?"

Itey shrugged and mumbled something.

"What?" Blink asked.

Mumble.

"Speak up, ya doof!" Dutchy said, slapping his back.

"I'mwaitingfortheRIGHTgirlandI'llknowherwhenIseeherandshedoesn'tgotoourschool."

There was a pause.

And then the van collectively broke into laugher. Even Sean, who had willingly separated himself to sit in the back, was smirking and shaking his head.

"Oh, Itey, man, I love you," Dutchy proclaimed. "You're so... chivalrous."

"Don't use words you don't know, Dutch," Itey answered.

"I do SO know what chivalrous means!"

"Uh huh."

"I do."

"So..." Jack said, somewhat under his breath, to Sarah. Blink, who was right behind them, could still hear perfectly well. "So what's going on between you and Carl?"

Sarah shrugged. "Why?"

"I dunno."

"You asked."

"Well?"

She made a face at him. "Well, nothing, so it's none of your business."

"How could NOTHING be none of my business? If there's NOTHING then I have no business that's not mine!"

"Ugh, Jack, just shut up."

"I'll shut up if YOU shut up."

"FINE."

"Fine!"

"Good, then you're both shutting the fuck up." Sean smirked in the back of the van.

"No one asked you, head case!" Sarah exclaimed.

"Like I really give a shit what YOU say."

"Screw up!"

"Whore."

"Asshole!"

"Ugly--"

"Okaaaayy, Jack, turn here," Itey said quickly.

"Thanks man," Jack nodded, obviously uncomfortable. Sarah turned on Jack immediately.

"Thanks for defending me!" she snapped.

"Shut uuuppp..." Blink whimpered quietly.

"I DO know what it means, Itey, I DO!"

"Oh, give us a definition, blondie," Sean spoke up.

Dutchy blinked. Then in his only moment of cool since Sean had moved in snapped, "You give us a definition, Sean, if you're so fucking smart."

"Smarter than you," Sean answered easily. "Chivalrous; let's see. To act in a manner according to the laws of chivalry, which is essentially dead anyway. See also knights, King Arthur, and that bullshit. Pull out chairs for your date, pay for the meal, and bring her flowers. Jackass."

Dutchy paused for a beat, and then said, "Well you... suck."

"You wish."

"Yup, Jack, just keep right on going down the street, uh huh," Blink said, nodding his head. He gave Dutchy a significant look, and Dutchy sighed and sunk low in his seat.

Sean watched this subtly, then smirked.

Jack finally pulled over to the side of the road, grumbling something about having to DD and how much he hated it when David didn't come to DD for him, and why did David have to go hang out with his stupid friends from school anyway?

"Oooooohkay, party time! Rules are I'm leaving at 2:30 AM and I don't care if you're with me, conscious, or whatever. Bye!" Jack grabbed Sarah around the waist as they stepped out of the van and they made their way off together.

Everyone else exchanged glances and shrugged, except for Sean, who raised an eyebrow.

"There had better be some fucking alcohol inside," he finally stated, and everyone walked up to the house--a nice house in the suburbs, definitely nicer than their own neighborhood--and were ushered in quickly.

"Keg's thataway," one of the guys already at the party said helpfully.

"WOO, LOPEZ!"

Itey was rushed by a group of already-drunk basketball players, Dutchy leered at the cheerleaders who followed them, and Sean made for the keg.

"Oh Gabe, you were SO awesome out there," a brunette named Tina smiled, pressing up against him. "You have some smooth moves."

"Uhhh." Itey smiled awkwardly. "I really don't, honest."

"Oh, I'm sure you do."

Itey whimpered.

Dutchy stepped in close to Tina and grinned. She paid no heed, and continued fondling a very uncomfortable, squirmy Itey. Eventually, Dutchy was pushed out of the crowd of Itey Fans, and forgotten.

"Fuck," Dutchy snapped, stomping his foot. He glanced around, looking for Blink. "Probably at the keg..." he mumbled, and walked into the next room.

Blink was in the next room, with the keg, but he was nowhere near it. He and Sean were standing at one wall, and Steve Olsen and his ever-present cronies were over by the keg, drinking, and showing no signs of moving.

Dutchy walked over to Blink and Sean and sighed. "So no beer for us losers, then?"

"You wanna go tell Steve to move his gorgeous ass?" Blink asked.

Dutchy shrugged. "This bites. Party. Sober. Girls all over Itey, no one all over me. Even Jack is gonna get laid."

"Yeah, but by his skanky whore girlfriend, so nothing to brag about." Sean glanced over at the keg, then said, "Oh, fuck this."

He strode over, grabbed an oversized paper cup--classy, he thought, rolling his eyes--shoved past Steve and began to fill it. Steve stared.

"Problem?" Sean demanded.

"You're my fucking problem."

"Right. Well, how's this: you're drunk, I'm not; I can kick your ass while you're sober, like I already did once, so you really want to start something? I can actually break your knee this time if you really want."

He downed half of his drink and then refilled it. Steve didn't say anything, and Sean walked away.

"Oh, that was beautifully done." Blink smiled as Sean came next to him. "...did you get me one?"

"Yeah, what do you think?" Sean sipped loudly at his cup of beer. "Aaaaaah yeah, that's good."

"Fuck you," Blink grumbled. "How can I get some now?"

"You'll never get any, flamer."

"When did this conversation turn into one about my lack of a love life?" Blink snapped.

Sean shrugged. "Since it's so easy?" Dutchy laughed at Sean leered at him. "Shut it, blondie."

"I have the right to laugh," Dutchy retorted, shoving his hands in his pockets and hoisting himself up from the wall. "Well, I'm getting a beer. I'm invisible to them anyway. Want one, Blinken?"

"YES, thank you." Blink smiled. Dutchy walked towards the keg, and then Blink turned on Sean. "DON'T try to sleep with him, PLEASE."

Spot raised an eyebrow. "Thought you were gonna warn him off me."

"I DID. And you're hot and he's gonna be drunk and his willpower with that combination is..." Blink sighed. "Oh, you're going to be a dick about this, aren't you?"

"Looks that way, doesn't it?" Sean took a few swallows and made a face. "This shit is terrible. No way I'm gonna get wasted on it."

"Would you listen to me?" Blink snapped.  "Listen, he's my friend, and I know that means nothing to you, and what I have to say obviously doesn't even go into your head, but Dutchy doesn't need this right now!"

"Okay, time out," Sean said, in an entirely new tone of voice.  "I fail to see how I'm the one that started this.  He's after me.  I've done fuck all to encourage it.  I haven't even touched him.  So how is it if he's the one pursuing me, I'm hurting your stupid fucking friend?"

Blink opened his mouth, but Sean kept going.

"So maybe you should consider that Dutchy needs to grow the fuck up and stop chasing after people if he can't take it when one of them responds." Sean shoved his hands in his pockets.

Blink shook his head.  "I know him better than you, and you can't rationalize this to me."

"Yes I can.  I just did.  And you know it."

They remained silent, until Dutchy returned with two cups of beer.  One for Blink, one for him.

Blink took a few swallows, then said, "Dutch--you'd say I know Sean better than you do, right? Better than anyone here?"

Dutchy shrugged. "I guess. Barely. What?"

"Yeah, what?" Sean asked.

Blink looked at him, then back at Dutchy. "Well. I'm telling you--he's a dick. A complete dick. And you're way too good for him."

Sean drank his beer coolly and looked at Dutchy for a response.

Dutchy almost spat out his beer. "I...what?" he repeated.

"You're too good for him and you deserve better." Blink's voice didn't even waver as he said it.

"Yeah, sure," Sean said, and leaned against the wall casually. "You should totally go off with your cyclops friend and spend the night fetching him beer he's too scared to go get himself. That'll definitely be more fun than getting laid."

"Well, actually, DUTCHY, I think hanging out with your friends and not with Sean, the dick, IS more fun." Blink said, anger rising in his voice.

"Because that way, Dutchy," Sean was starting to snarl, a little, "you can be a loser forever."

"Well, Dutchy, better a loser than a fucked up loner."

Sean finished his beer.  "Hey, I'm getting another one.  Umm, Princess Blink?  You need me to get you that?  Yeah?  Can't get it yourself?"

Blink ignored him.

"I'll take that as a no, flamer." Sean stormed off.

Dutchy shifted awkwardly.  "...Sooo...what'd I miss?"

"Don't be an idiot tonight, okay?" Blink asked.  "I'm sure you can find a nice girl here to hang out with."

"No girls who are nice like me.  No girls like me."

"That isn't true.  You ditched Itey right away; you didn't even try to talk to anyone.  Maybe if you TALKED to one of them--"

"Yes, because I'm great at talking."

Well, Blink didn't know what to say then. He shifted his weight awkwardly and drank some more. Finally, he said, "Look, it's just--you know you get attached, Dutchy. And he'd be using you. And it'll hurt!"

"Hurt so good?" Dutchy asked, laughing. "Wait, you wouldn't know, virgin."

"Not that kind of hurt, and you know it!"

Dutchy shrugged. "Yeah, I know it, but..." He sighed. "Look, he wants me, and no one else does. That means something, right?"

"It means he thinks you're easy."

"I am easy."

"It means he doesn't respect you!"

"Well I don't respect me either!"

"Dutchy!" Blink grabbed his sleeve.  "That isn't a good thing either. You're going to have to grow up sometime, and learning to respect yourself is part of the fucking process!"

Dutchy swallowed, and looked uneasily down at his friend.  He didn't know what to do with confrontation.  Especially the kind where he knew, one hundred percent, how much he needed to listen to what the other person was saying.

He shook his head.  "Blink, just...I'm fine.  Okay?"

Blink frowned.  "Fine."

Dutchy sighed.  And now his friend was mad at him.  "Blink--"

"Just don't get drunk, okay?  Can you at least do that much?  Even though you don't RESPECT yourself?"

Somehow that sounded way worse when someone else said it.  "Okay, I won't get drunk."

"Promise?"

"I promise, okay, I promise!"

Sean came back with one beer, and started drinking it quickly, without looking at Dutchy or Blink.

Dutchy looked as if he was about to explode, and then said very quickly, "I respect myself, okay?  So...I do."

Sean looked at him as if he were a bug.  "...Fuck I care?"

Blink sighed and leaned against the wall.

Sean dropped his empty cup on the floor and glanced from Blink to Dutchy and back. "Yeah, I can see you respect yourself, blondie. So much that you let yourself get
talked out of something you want. That you started."

"You're the one who wants him!" Blink snapped.

"So I do. And I respect him enough to let him decide for himself. Dutch, you want to go fuck?"

"Mmm...n...I..."

"He doesn't!"

"Maybe he doesn't want you to make his decisions for you. That's not respect."

"Yeah," Dutchy said. "That's not respect."

"DUTCHY!" Blink said, appalled.  "I'm your FRIEND and I'm trying to HELP you!"

"I'm not an idiot, I can take care of myself!  I want him, so, why can't I get him?"

"Because he's a conniving little bastard!"

"I haven't connived fucking ANYthing, you asshole," Sean said flippantly.

"He did it all and I'm just going with it, so back off.  Dutchy.  Want to go fuck?"
Dutchy looked completely torn.  A part of him saw how upset Blink was getting by the moment.  And another part of him saw that a guy completely out of his league was actually saying yes.  To him.  The loser.

"Blink," Dutchy started.  "I understand you want to protect me..."

"Oh for crying out loud," Blink said, laughing in disbelief.  "Okay Dutchy, fine, I'm keeping you from sleeping with a dick because I don't respect you.  Yeah, go with that."

"I'm not--"

"He's a grown man, Blinken," Sean said.

"He is NOT."

"I am too!" Dutchy insisted.  "What the hell, yes I am!"

Blink sighed, "Dutchy I just mean that...I don't know, I don't fucking know.  Just, listen to me, okay?  Okay??"

But Blink could tell just how much Dutchy wanted to disregard Blink completely.  And Dutchy, lately, had been disregarding everyone completely.

Finally, Blink too a deep breath. "You're going to hate yourself in the morning. He is a dick and he is using you, no matter what he says. And when you realize that, you're gong to be hurt."

Dutchy wavered.

"He's right, you know," Sean said. "I don't give a shit about you, I just feel like getting laid. But hey, if you can't handle that, you can't. No skin off my back. I'll fuck someone else."

"I can handle that," Dutchy said softly. He shot Blink a smile and said, "I feel like shit all the time anyway, and at least this way I'll feel like shit and get laid in the process."

"Good man!" Sean pounded his back. "Now let's go get your pants off."

Blink frowned as they walked away. Something was seriously wrong with Dutchy. But he wasn't going to hang around and worry about it that much. Not with a group of hostile jocks in the same room and him all alone now…So he wandered the house, watched people, saw couples making out as the night wore on and they all got drunker. He passed Itey, surrounded by his new fans, a few times. He didn't see Jack or Sarah at all, though, or Sean and Dutchy. He had a pretty good idea where they were—there were bedrooms upstairs that locked.

It only took awhile before he was all too sober, and way too lonely. He needed a drink. Bad. It was then that Jack appeared next to him, a bottle of Grasshoppers in his hand. "Where'd you get that?" Blink asked excitedly.

"Some kids broke open a cupboard with the parents stash downstairs. Kinda warm, but..." Jack shrugged, then glanced around the room. "You seen Sarah? She disappeared with some cheerleaders ten minutes ago."

Blink shrugged. "Beer time!"

"Yeah, I brought some up." Jack handed Blink a bottle (Blink squealed happily) before taking a long sip of his own. "Geeze, is Dutchy down and out already?"

"No, he's…fine.”

Jack made a confused face. "Something up?”

"Sean is an asshole.  And he and Dutchy are hooking up.”

"Wait. What? Sean what?"

"Yeah, yeah, he's gay, get over it."

"You didn't TELL me?"

"No. Stop yelling."

Jack scowled at him. "I'm gonna go find Sarah."

"Yeah, have fun." Blink sighed as Jack walked away. "I'm gonna stand here and…do nothing!”

He took a drink and reached into his pocket.

Plastic bag.

Okay.  Good.

---

Hallway, locked door, bathroom, locked door. Den. With couch. Bingo.

Sean shut the door with his foot, locked it, and turned to Dutchy, leaned in close to him.

"This what you really want, blondie?"

Dutchy blinked blearily, then grabbed Sean's shoulder and leaned in to close the space between him. Kissed him hard on the mouth.

"Well then," Sean mumbled when Dutchy pulled away, and nudged him over to the couch.

Dutchy stumbled a bit, so Sean simply gave him a shove and Dutchy collapsed onto the cushions. Sean slinked onto him, grinned. "If you're gonna back out, you better fucking do it now, jack ass."

Dutchy was panting a little already. "Not backing out," he said, breathless.

Then Sean was on him, pinned his arms to the couch and kissed him, hard and wet. Bit his lip, and Dutchy moaned and bit him right back. Squirmed a little to get his arms free.

As Sean went to bite at his neck, he worked his right hand out of Sean's vice-like grip and started trailing his fingers under Sean's shirt, up his back.

Dutchy's mind was a haze of disbelief.  It was Sean, after all. But somewhere through it all he noted that Sean wanting it rough seemed appropriate.

Sean began to suck at his neck, hard, and Dutchy moaned and unintentionally ground up against Sean, who obligingly spread his legs over Dutchy's waist, and Dutchy had a hard time keeping track of what they did then.  It was just all so…intense.

Sean seemed to like his neck a lot, he thought, and Sean's hand eventually dropped to his crotch and he'd gasped loudly and Sean smirked at him. He remembered changing positions, unzipping Sean's fly, how pale Sean's skin was and how freaking skinny he was. That he wore dark blue boxers.

That he at some point stopped wearing dark blue boxers.

Really, Dutchy didn't have a lot of things he was proud of. His ability to give head was about the only one.

---

Jack was in an outright rotten mood. And he was driving home, so he couldn't even get trashed. He had no idea where Dutchy or Sean were. Blink was trashed, and on his way to go get stoned, too. Even Itey was buzzed.

Sarah had disappeared.

Bored out of his mind, and completely at a loss for where to find her, he figured he might as well make his way over to the keg and ask Steve and his cronies if they'd seen her. After all, Sarah was in that crowd.

He pushed his way through a crowd of people, and caught sight of a poor Itey trying to block out the sounds of several smashed teenagers and one loud, obnoxious forward on his team smacking him hard on the back. He kept screaming "Good one, Lopez, GOOD ONE!" at the top of his lungs.

Jack smirked a little and then worked his way over to the keg. Steve and Andrew were leaning against the table, chugging down beer from their plastic cups.

"Hey," Jack said, nodding a little, grabbing a cup.

"Heeeey," Andrew slurred. "Kelly. Josh."

"Jack."

"Riigght." Andrew nudged Steve. "It's Jack Kelly."

"Yo," Steve choked, coughing after his chug.

"Have you guys seen Sarah?" he asked, feeling kind of guilty just talking to Steve because, well... It was Steve. And he'd never give Jack a hard time because Jack was pretty well liked at school, but still, Jack was friends with Blink, after all.

"Sarah Jacobs?" Drew asked. Jack nodded. "Yeaaaah, she went down the hall with Carl awhile ago."

"With Carl?"

"Yeah," Steve said. "Carl wants in her pants so bad."

Jack clenched a fist. All he said was, "Oh. Thanks."

"No problem, Sally."

"Kelly, Steve. Jack Kelly," Andrew supplied.

"Whatever." Because Steve was already getting another drink.

Jack started off down the hall. Locked room, bathroom, room with the door shut and the sound of someone enjoying himself--Jack hesitated, and listened, but then was pretty sure that he was hearing Dutchy, and didn't want to listen anymore. Next room.

He recognized Sarah's voice, the noises she made. The way she squeaked and gasped.

He put his hand to the doorknob and then let it drop.

He didn't need to see, even if the door was unlocked, which it probably wasn't.

Well. Fuck.

"Fuck!" he shouted, and kicked the wall, hard. Hard enough that his foot fucking hurt. "FUCK!" He clutched his toe, and hopped away from the door slightly.

Here he'd been, sober as a fucking goodie two shoes, looking for her for nearly the entire night. He'd thought she'd been with her girlfriends.

On the other side of the door, he heard giggles, hers, and then the door opened.

And there she was standing, buttoning up her powder blue shirt, laughing, and Carl behind her, arm around her waist.

It took them both a moment to see him.

And when they did, Sarah's face fell, and she made an odd gasping noise. "Oh!...Oh no, Jack..."

"Yeah, hi." He stared at her.

"Oh, Jack, I--"

"Leave me the fuck alone, you whore. Find your own ride home."

He turned and stomped down the hallway, and waited until he was out of sight to begin hopping on one foot, pissed off by how much it hurt and how much it hurt seeing her with him just when he'd thought they were getting past all of their stupid fucking problems and WHY the hell did he have to be sober?

He walked outside, out back, and saw Blink off by himself, smoking. Joined him.

"You gonna be okay to drive?"

"Sarah was sleeping with Carl Lewis."

Blink handed him the joint without speaking another word.

---

Sean pulled on his shirt without saying anything, and Dutchy watched him subtly, slowly putting on his boxers.

"Thanks," Dutchy mumbled, blinked to clear his head. "Uh...so, uh--"

Sean ignored him, unlocked the door.

Dutchy's face kind of dropped. "Sean."

"What?"

Sean snapped his head around to glare at him. Dutchy rolled his eyes, even, but mainly winced. Pulled on his jeans. "That was really awesome."

"Of fucking course it was." And with that, Sean was out of the den, slammed the door behind him.

"Shiiit," Dutchy mumbled, running his hand through his hair. "Don't get attached man, don't don't, bad idea."

They hadn't gone all the way. Part of Dutchy was grateful for that. If they had, he would have been completely out of it. He tried not to, but his thoughts were totally on Sean. Sean's teeth on his neck...

"Shit," Dutchy sighed. Physically craving Sean again. "Shit, shit, shit." Physically craving drugs again. Then he got the jitters.

And he sat in the den, alone, shivering slightly, feeling like a moron.

Sean had offered him a chance out.  He had practically walked out of the situation himself.  This was totally fair.

He shivered.

Shivering turned to shaking and getting high was all he could think about. Getting unconscious. Getting Sean out of his head, getting Jess out of his head, wishing he could get out of his head himself. He needed something. Needed it.

"Fuck-fuck-fuck." He felt himself begin to panic, felt sick to his stomach, saw his hand was shaking before he felt it. Threw himself down on the couch, tried to get back up, ended up huddled on it, breathing hard, racked breaths like he was crying, which he wasn't, but it didn't feel like that was such a bad idea.

"Don't get attached not worth it oh fucking GOD..."

He didn't even realize he was talking aloud as he finally managed to finish getting dressed, having the shakes so badly it was difficult. He needed to be high. Badly. He pulled himself off the couch and went to the window, hoping for some fresh air—and out back he saw Blink and Jack, passing something between them.

Blink always shared. He could get high, get out of his head, at least a little. Pot barely affected him now, but fucking god he needed something, just to keep him calm until he could get home, get to his real stash.

He tore through the house. Outside.

Blink and Jack, and they looked like they were almost done.

Please fucking god have some left.

"Heeey, Dutch," Blink said, smiling a little too friendly, a little too sympathetically, and a little too motherly. "What's--"

"Pot, please, now?"

Jack glanced at him, handed him his toke.

"Thanks...man, Jack, you look like shit."

"He feels like shit," Blink answered. Jack kicked at the ground a little, shifting his feet.

"Me too," Dutchy said. "Doncha worry, Jacky, we'll snuff it out together."

"Thanks," Jack said dully.

"GUYS!"

They all turned slightly and Itey rushed towards them.

"I'm free!" Itey exclaimed, cutting a stop from his run next to Jack. "Oh god, I got away, take me home, please."

"Give us a bit," Blink said. "Dutchy and Jack are mending."

"From what? What?"

"You drank the spiked punch didn't you, Itey?"

"It sure tasted funny!"

Blink sighed.

"We're smoking, Itey, go away," Jack said.

Itey's face fell.

"Don't go away," Blink said quickly. "He doesn't mean that."

"Yes, I do. God, how could she do this to me?"

"Don't take it out on Itey!"

"Take it out on Sean," Dutchy suggested.

"Wouldn't I love to."

Itey looked questioningly over at Blink. "Um, thought pot made people mellow? Happy?"

"Not tonight." Blink shook his head, then grinned. "Just me, 'cause I'm the only one who didn't fuck up or get fucked over."

"Shut up," Dutchy said, inhaling. His hands were still shaking.

"Can we go?" Itey asked then. "I can drive."

"Spiked punch," Blink pointed out. "And Dutchy's drunk and getting stoned, and I'm stoned but not very drunk, and Jack's stoned, so..."

"I can drive stoned," Jack said.

"Um, no, don't," Itey groaned and sank down on the grass next to them. "Man, I hate to say this, but... what about Sean?"

"Drunk."

"Nuh uh," Dutchy said. Blink gave him a weird look. "He had like, two beers.  A while ago.”

"He drank more than you did. He weighs less than you do."

"He's sober, man, he is!”

"You want me to go find him?" Blink asked, glancing around. Itey nodded. Jack shrugged. Dutchy stared at the ground. "Well, great. I'll be back soon."

Dutchy blankly stared at the ground, silent, smoking at the joint. Itey swayed a little, blinked at Dutchy. "Why're you so quiet?"

Itey was slightly obnoxious when drunk.

"Nothin' ya big goon," Dutchy answered, ruffling Itey's hair. Then he observed him. "Well...LITTLE goon. Except maybe yer PENIS is a big goon."

"We're done." Itey turned to Jack. "Why're you so down?"

"Itey, shut up," Jack snarled.

"Nooo, I care."

"Go away."

"Do ya think Sean should be trusted to drive us home, Jacky?" Dutchy asked.

"Yeah, well, gimme a toke."

That answered the question.

---

Blink found Sean in the basement spilling beer on the lush, white, expensive carpet.

"What are you doing?" Blink asked.

Sean smirked. "Entertaining myself.”

Blink grinned a little, shook his head, and then remembered he was mad at Sean.

"You're a jerk," he mumbled instead. "Everyone else is ready to go."

Sean glanced around and saw a clock on the wall. "It's not even one yet," he pointed out.

"And we're all ready to go."

"So?"

"So, come on." He hesitated, then, "Actually, we were wondering if you could drive because I'm stoned and Jack's stoned and Itey's drunk and Dutchy is stoned."

Sean snorted disdainfully. "Drive that old piece of shit van?"

"Yeah."

"And what about Sarah?"

"She's going home with someone else." He shoved his hands into his pockets. "Will you drive? Or not?"

"Sure." Sean smirked and walked out of the basement, up the stairs past Blink, who followed quickly. And Blink was left with the feeling that Sean wasn't doing it to be a nice guy.

Sean, he thought, didn't do anything to be a nice guy.