Current mood:

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From Hungary
Hello. I've been trying to take over the world from a hellish little village in northwest Hungary for about four years, but sadly, my worthy attempts still haven't achieved anything resembling success.

I like to have animals carry out the drudgery of my mighty plans since they are often underestimated by humanity and the threat of rebellion against me is minimal. I had all the chickens and swine in my neighborhood brainwashed into becoming my faithful slaves and spies. But then, winter came and the swine were slaughtered for Christmas as Hungarian custom dictates, and all my chickens were killed by fiendish government people who were convinced the birds were carriers of the bird flu.

I'm at the beginning again. I don't know where to go. I live in a pit with only 40 channels on TV, over half in a language other than Hungarian and English, which are the only two I am capable of fully understanding.

What should I do? It was always my dream to group the world's most loathesome people into an enormous prison in the middle of the Sahara desert where I could mock them. I see this dream slipping away... I really want to see Robbie Williams, Ann Coulter, Jerry Falwell, and Randall Terry behind bars along with illiterates, the wilful ignorant, and people who don't wash their hair. I want to witness them all squeal and writhe in agony as I torment them on rebuilt, modernized versions of medieval torture devices.

Wow, that post really made me happy. I feel so much better now. Off to make myself some hot chocolate with those dainty little marshmallows.