| bringing something to a party |
[31 Aug 2008|08:18am] |
My husband's cousins have invited us (for the 2nd time) to their house for a backyard/pool party
...earlier in the Summer, we brought a bottle of wine.
I always thought that when you are invited to someone's home, you bring a gift- something, just a gesture
well, today, I went to the bakery and got a few pounds of cookies to bring (we're going this afternoon)
my husband told me we shouldn't bring anything because he noticed last time that no one else seemed to be bringing anything..."it's family" he said therefore we shouldn't have to bring anything
what do you think?
I already bought the cookies- I'm bringing them
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| Graduation |
[24 Aug 2008|02:51pm] |
I'll be graduating in December, and my mother keeps bugging me to send out graduation announcements. The problem is that the university doesn't release our exact graduation date until the middle of the semester, and a December graduation means getting time off is going to be very hard.
I know there are at least three family members who DO want to come and will do anything to come, however I'm at a loss on how to word the announcements. I don't want anyone to feel obliged to drive four hours to my university, but I want to say that I will get back with anyone with the exact date, but it's definitely going to be on X weekend.
Also, my aunt and uncle have helped me tremendously through my academic stay as much as my mother and step father. I want to present all four of them with something, but would it be considered rude to give them gifts at my graduation in front of my other aunts, uncles, and father?
Thanks. :)
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[18 Aug 2008|08:57pm] |
How do I deal with this situation:
In my small office area, there is one window, and it is directly by my desk. Every day, this one girl comes in and says, "Do you mind if I open this?" Followed by a variation on "It's stuffy in here/ I'm hot/ Something stinks/ (fill in the blank)". She procedes to open it whether I say anything or not. It's been unseasonably cold here in the Bay Area lately, and when I close it, she complains. They won't move me or my desk away from the window. When I've mentioned anything about it, they tell me to try and get along.
Help, please!
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| wedding invites |
[21 Jul 2008|10:12am] |
My husband's cousin (who he is not fond of) just invited us to his wedding.
IF we don't go- do we still have to send a gift?
And if we do go (most likely) how much money do we have to give (or spend)?
At our wedding (in 2004) he and his girlfriend (now fiancee) gave us an espresso machine (neither of us drink coffee or espresso) that he got a t the store he works at (probably ended up spending about $60 on it-
I feel like I wouldn't like to spend over $100 on their gift- but, at 2 recent weddings we attended- we gave the couples each $300 as a gift...
this couple sent two registry cards in their invite and only have super expensive items on their registry (expensive china, ex.- gravy boat alone is $350; a large popcorn maker- like the kind on the street in Disney World for $300; an espresso machine that is $400)...
I was thinking maybe we could spend $100 on a registry item- but, that doesn't seem possible....
suggestions?
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| Question regarding Continental Style |
[25 Jun 2008|05:08pm] |
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Hello, I'm new to the community. I have been reading up and Continental style dining and I have a couple of questions regarding it.
1. Is the fork always kept in the left hand, no matter what?
2. Does one always eat with the fork tines down? If so, how does one eat peas, etc.?
Also, would anyone perhaps be able to direct me to a site that explains (or even have a video example) or the Continental style? I'm just curious about how to do it correctly.
Any help is most appreciated.
Thank you,
Nicollette
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| Dinner/Meal Etiquette |
[19 Jun 2008|01:02pm] |
Hello! My name is April, I'd kindly like to ask for some advice and answers in a few situations I've been in that drive me up the wall. The front page says that I can rant, so I'm going to just a little.
How do I tell someone that I find it disgusting when they chew with their mouth open? I always try to set a good example in front of her by eating correctly, I even, sort of, exaggerate that my mouth is closed. On top of that she never cleans her plate, I can understand being full, but its like she leaves very small amounts of everything on her plate and it looks like she was too lazy to scoop up the remnants of her food, and I'm seriously talking like leaving 2 shreds of lettuce and a thin layer of mashed potatoes, and it just looks like slosh on her plate while everyone elses plates are clean. Personally, if there is for example gravy/sauce remaining on my plate I'll scoop it up with bread and eat it and I won't leave bits and pieces of food on my plate - if I don't like something I won't serve myself with it in the first place.
On the note of not serving myself with a particular beverage if I don't like it, I'm pretty mature about it, I eat most things anyway. This person is extremely juvenile and picky about her food, she doesn't like salads/vegetables and will only eat fried, sweet, fatty foods, or basically anything that "tastes good" (not that I think fried food is really that tasty). Anyway, I think I'm going off on my own tangent. My point is that she doesn't really act mature for her age (she is 18 this year).
Anyone share my pain?
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| Personal conversations at work |
[29 May 2008|01:18am] |
I work as an assistant (more or less) in an office in a high school. The office has an open-door policy, with two free computer stations and a study area. Many students drop by during the day and make use of the space. I am happy to have company and for them to feel comfortable in the office.
My dilemma comes when some students start up conversations with me. Sometimes, I have the time to take a break and chat, but it is not always convenient. In addition, often a conversation with a high-schooler starts out very casually and then turns into something that requires more complete attention, due to the personal nature of the things they choose to reveal.
I do not wish to be dismissive or brusque, but there are times when I simply cannot start, or continue, a conversation, because I need to get back to my own work.
How would you suggest I communicate this to students?
Thank you so much in advance!
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| Correcting people - especially older people |
[25 May 2008|02:23pm] |
Hi. My etiquette question is: is it a breach of etiquette to correct someone if they're wrong or if they've made a mistake?
Recently there were a few eyebrows raised when Australian celebrity gardener Jamie Durie corrected Prince Philip at a garden show. The Prince said "I like your tree fern" to which Durie answered “Actually it’s not a tree fern. It’s a member of the cycad family. It’s a Macrozamia moorei.” Apparently Prince Philip walked off saying "I didn't want a bloody lecture."
Some readers who commented to this story said it's rude to correct anyone older than you because it shows lack of respect, while others said correcting anyone at all is bad manners.
Is this actually the case? Personally I don't see anything wrong with that as long as you're being polite about it and you don't rub it in their face, but I do recall being told not to do that when I was in primary school.
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[10 Apr 2008|05:00pm] |
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I have a situation that I am confused about, and that I would appreciate help in figuring out what the proper way of solving out is.
I am a college student and live off campus, sharing an apartment with someone else from school. My housemate and I have an established tradition of having friends, or people that we know, over on Tuesday evenings for dinner. We also, upon leasing this apartment, agreed(rather, he volunteered) that he would do the grocery shopping and cooking, because, in his words, he would "have more time", as he's taking the year off from school and just working. All this is to say that this Tuesday evening he didn't show up for dinner. Not only did he not show up, he did not tell me before hand that he was not going to be present or that he would not be making dinner, he has made no explanation since, and when I mentioned that we missed him he just said "yup".
Now, of course, he is an adult, and free to do what he wishes, but I am really confused and a little annoyed. I was very embarrassed when our guests showed up and he wasn't there, not only because he wasn't there, but also because the house was a mess(I currently have a sprained ankle, so vacuuming and other cleaning is not very easy), and because I had expected that he was going to make dinner I had to make dinner on the fly. I don't know what I would've done if we didn't have a bunch of cheese in the refrigerator and pasta in the pantry, as we have no other food in the house that could've made a meal.
So, my question is: is it wrong or out of bounds for me to ask for an explanation? When there is a system in place and you don't tell someone that things are going to change, isn't that rude? I'm afraid to bring it up again because I hate arguing with him, and I can only foresee this turning into an argument. Additionally, it is not like him to not give explanations. I'm also worried because I feel as though I can't trust him. Not only because of this, but because of various other things, especially in regards to the responsibilities of renting. The bottom line is simply this: when I asked if we were still going to have people over this coming Tuesday, he said "sure, it's Joe and Jane, right?"(obviously not their real names, but you get the idea). This, to me, confirms that his behavior regarding Tuesday was not an accident, not something that he happened to forget, but rather a purposeful action. I don't know how I can be sure that he will be here and that he will make dinner, since taking his word for it doesn't appear to have any bearing. Would it be unreasonable of me to directly ask for an explanation from him, or should I just let it drop and assume that everything will be back to normal?
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| SiL wedding issues - Update |
[08 Apr 2008|12:43am] |
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I reviewed the thought provoking replies and mulled it over quite a bit. --Thank you!
I was concerned that no matter how nicely I could have worded it, nothing I would have put in an email would have conveyed enough emotion to really take any potential sting out of it what I needed to say. I have never had to spend that much time with the In-laws before. We have all been living in different states. I don't trust they know me well enough to really interpret sentiment from sarcasm in text, no matter how well punctuated. I decided to that perhaps the best thing to do was call my Mother-in-law and ask for a rundown of the situation.
Again, My sincere thanks to all who contributed advice and suggestions.
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| SiL wedding issues |
[07 Apr 2008|12:07pm] |
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I need some advice on how to best handle a potentially ugly situation. My Sister-in-Law is getting married on Saturday. Initially her brother and I were not asked to be part of her wedding party. This is a big wedding no-no, and one we were not allowed to get away with. With an upcoming cross country move, I didn’t mind too terribly much. She gets on my nerves, so not having to take on a supportive role was a bit of a relief. In January, my SiL asked hubby, her brother, to be an usher. He reluctantly agreed. Two weeks ago she asked me to cut and serve her wedding cake! I politely declined citing nerves, lack of tool or talent to that end, and the presence of an aptly capable food service staff on the premises. This wedding is long distance for both my husband and I. He started a new job in another State in January. I have been doing everything humanly possible to make our home attractive to buyers without going overboard. This is the first time he and I will see each other in little over a month, and don’t know when I’ll get to see again. I just found out Friday that there is actually going to be a rehearsal and dinner after all (no invitations were ever sent) and we are expected to be there in semi-formal attire. A point of fact I could have used before I packed. –Luckily because of the regional and season changes I did over pack, also anticipating something like this might happen. Last night my husband informed me that his mother told him he would be helping set up the site the day before because the site management does not do that. Thus cutting into any hope of having any quality time I had planned to have with my husband this upcoming weekend. I have quietly bitten my tongue about these little nuisance things and I don’t think I can do it any longer. I feel compelled to inform my In-laws that that these last minute details/tasks are really something to be handled by the bridal party, (of which my husband and I were not asked to be part of) and that these other duties that need to be performed are part of what the bridal party is about, not just standing around making the bride look good. Had I been asked to be part of the bridal party, as I should have been, I would feel differently and would gladly take on a more supportive role. I could calmly put up with being ignored until needed – Or ask a lot of questions as I would actually be involved. Assuming I was not needed, I actually made plans around the events that I knew would be happening in order to try to make the most of the weekend with my husband. I don’t want to sound as nasty as I feel about this whole mess. I don’t want to come off like a total ass, but something needs to be said, or it’s likely to be a miserable weekend. Any suggestions on how to best approach this? All will be greatly appreciated.
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| Wedding question |
[06 Apr 2008|03:52pm] |
I'm involved in a situation that has me really questioning the etiquette of it all. I was hoping I could get some insight into it.
The scenario is that my mate (who I cohabit with) has a friend that is getting married. Back in December, my mate was asked by the bride and groom to bring a female friend as his guest. When that female friend started dating a man that was also invited to the wedding, it was understood she'd be going with her boyfriend instead of my mate. Since then, the invitations went out, and my mate responded with me as his guest. He was then told by the bride and groom that he isn't allowed to bring a guest. This has my mate terribly confused because it seems to him that he was told he could bring a guest as long as the guest was of the bride and groom's choosing.
We were living together before the invitations went out.
Any opinions?
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| Place Settings |
[21 Mar 2008|10:29pm] |
What do you do when you have 11 people coming to dinner but you only have enough place settings for 10. I have other china but it doesn't match the set.
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| eating properly |
[18 Mar 2008|04:56pm] |
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I know that depending on what country you are in the rules may change drastically on what is and isn't appropriate during meals. By chance, any of you know of a website that clearly defines what is considered rude in different European countries? Also, perhaps one that gives specific details to how one may eat. I want to better my eating etiquette by European standards. Thank you in advance.
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| Host gifts? |
[02 Mar 2008|10:16am] |
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This week I will be traveling across the country to visit a prospective graduate school, and will be staying with a current grad student there for 3-4 days. I would like to bring some sort of host gift for him, but I have no idea what his interests are, and bottles of wine won't be allowed on the plane. Anyone have any good ideas? A gift card, maybe? Any advice you folks could give me would be great...
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[26 Feb 2008|11:12pm] |
I need to make a brief and polite message for my voicemail that conveys that callers are going to need to state their business when leaving a voicemail. I have too many people leaving just their name(or, oddly enough, just utter their phone number and hang up).
This might sound like an odd request, but I need my phone for work, but I've also seemingly inherited a popular person's phone number and can't return mystery calls for personal reasons.
Thank you in advance for any ideas.
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| cover letters |
[19 Feb 2008|07:50pm] |
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In applying for a job, if the application calls for a cover letter, does that mean that the document should be submitted in the form of "To Whom it May Concern" or "Dear" and a closing such as "sincerely", or is the term "cover letter" simply an indication of wanting an essay explaining why you are qualified for the job, and no sort of greeting or closing is necessary? Thank you for your help.
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| Correcting people re: my name? |
[21 Jan 2008|08:02am] |
I'm recently (as of October '07) married, and did not change my name. Many people assume that I have, and while it doesn't bother me too much to receive incorrectly addressed mail, I don't want people I'm meeting in person to call me Mrs. Hislastname when that's not really the case.
Suggestions on how to gently correct folks who may not know better? And how to not-so-gently, yet still graciously, correct those who insist on calling me the wrong name even when they know I've not changed it?
Thanks!!
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| Can children attend an informal work event? |
[16 Jan 2008|12:41pm] |
Hello,
I hope somone can give me quick advice - I have a meeting in an hour to discuss this.
Last night, I attended an informal going-away party for a coworker at a chain restaurant where alcohol is served. I am a single father. Rather than leave her at home alone, I brought my 13 year old daughter along. When we arrived, I noticed there were about 10 people there, all seated at tables, some of which had been joined together. If there had been a buffet-type setup, I would have asked to be seated away from the group. We joined the group, and had an enjoyable evening, and conversation was pleasant throughout the event.
Today my direct supervisor, who also attended, asked me if anything felt wierd or awkward about the event. I replied that I didn't think so, that it seemed to me like a nice casual function. He pointed out the following:
1. This was a "company event."
2. Nobody else brought children.
3. Another worker did not attend specifically because she was home with her children
and
4. It was at a bar.
As a single parent, I took offense to his comment that it was at a bar, and mentioned that it is a restaurant; you can order dinner there. At that point, he stood up from his chair and raised his voice, cutting me off mid sentence to say that if that's the only thing I got out of what he said, then I have a problem. He now wants to meet with me to discuss "my attitude and lack of professionalism."
My question(s):
Was it a breach of etiquette to bring my daughter to an informal, albeit work-related function?
Was it inappropriate for him to mention that it was "at a bar," implying that (my) children don't belong there in any case?
Thanks in advance for any advice.
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| Fear of Hugs |
[15 Jan 2008|12:29pm] |
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I just got away from a slighty psycho lover. As a result, I am afraid of getting hugged by men, including family members (yes this is being worked on). However, only a few very close family members know what happened. I used to be Miss Huggy. Is there any way to avoid it now without bringing up the whole story?
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