Spiritual Love

esmecarlisle @ 2008-07-21T16:32:00

2008-07-21T20:39:07Z

I hope this is allowed. If not, mods feel free to delete:

For all you manippers out there, here's a quite good picture of Elizabeth from a CBS party this past weekend:

Carlisle/Esme drabble miniseries for twilight100

2008-07-17T07:52:56Z

They go together (but not quite like rama lama lama ke ding a de dinga a dong).

Title: Awakening
Challenge: #33.Hope
Rating: PG
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Esme
Author's Notes:Part I. for twilight100

Her body is on fire. She barely registers that the tormented, strangled screams are her own. This must be Hell. How stupid of her. Of course Hell would welcome her - a suicide - with open arms. Burning makes time drag on, but suddenly the pain subsides in rolling waves. Her breath ragged from constant screams, her throat sore, scraped, burning with thirst. Her surroundings are unfamiliar. Dr. Cullen from ten years ago appears; she prays he's an angel taking her to Heaven. Instead, she learns she's a vampire. Eternal damnation is perfect as long as Carlisle doesn't leave her.

Title: Hunting
Challenge: #33.Hope
Rating: PG
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Esme, Carlisle, Edward
Author's Notes:Part II. for twilight100

Teaching her to hunt is a fruitless effort, especially with Edward there to offer nothing but criticism. She's still not used to her new body, her new strengths or her new weakness for blood. But Carlisle has hope - just as he had been in his early days, she is dead set on not harming any human. Edward assures Carlisle with a smirk that it's only to please him and nothing else, that Esme would do anything for him. Carlisle brushes it off as a silly notion and Edward laughs when Carlisle takes what Edward told him into consideration.

Title: Loving
Challenge: #33.Hope
Rating: PG
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Esme/Carlisle, Edward
Author's Notes:Part III. for twilight100

Just ask her, Edward says exasperated, sick and tired of hearing silly, sexual, and romantic thoughts flying through both of their heads. Edward thought Esme was a lady. Carlisle worries she'll say no, that Edward is lying when he says all Esme thinks about is Carlisle. Edward chides him enough and he dares to ask, hoping she'll accept and worries when she's speechless. It means yes, Edward clarifies, passing through the room. She smiles, confirmation, and manages to whisper her answer; his face lights up in relief before hugging her to him gently as if he could still break her.

FanFic: I Knew We Were Too Late

2008-06-25T22:50:51Z

Title: I Knew We Were Too Late
Rating: PG13
Characters/Pairing: C/E, B/E, E/R, J
Summary: Sequel to And Then I was Gone. Alice is dead, how will the Cullens react? Carlisle PoV

Read Here at FF.net

Read this first to have a better understanding.

Title: And Then I Was Gone
Rating: PG13
Characters/Pairing: Alice
Summary:Alice PoV: Surely a noble death was fine, especially if the said death saved my family, no matter the cost to me.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer Owns Twilight!

Read Here at FF.net

esmecarlisle @ 2008-06-23T17:03:00

2008-06-24T00:16:25Z

I literally just joined and have peeked at the entries and I love this community already. So, as an introduction I have not one, but two fics, both pretty much Esme-centric but there's Carlisle in there.

for t_w_c, challenge#03:murphy's law.
Title: I Don't Mean To Remember
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Esme Cullen
Summary: Esme's human life was not an easy one.
Notes: It took me forever to write this. But it was fun.

(Year after year passes and soon she's twenty-one, still dreaming of the doctor who fixed her leg.)

for challenge#3@fridaydrabble
Title: 5 Things You Didn't Know About Esme Cullen
Rating: G

(1.2.3.4.5)

I also wanted to propose a question. Obviously, the actors portraying Carlisle and Esme are not going to please everyone (myself included - but if their acting is good, I am okay). I still haven't found my personal perfect Carlisle, but I did find that out of any model or actress, Rachel McAdams comes closest to how I pictured Esme. What about you? Who looks most like how you picture them?

Photo Manips

2008-06-17T02:50:01Z

Okay, so this is my first post to this community, so I hope this is okay to post. Today
I made some photo manipulations that I hope you like. I made one for each couple in the Cullen family. They aren't too good, but they aren't too bad either, so please give me some feedback on what you think of them! Thanks!

Preview:

Find the rest HERE

MOD NOTICE: Calling all Moderators!

2008-05-28T16:00:07Z

Hi, it's your mod here! I'm going to have sporadic internet access over the next few months, and I'm looking for someone to share moderator duties. This mostly includes tagging entries, adding affiliates and dealing with any drama (of which there has been thankfully very little). If you'd be willing to help out with the community please just comment to this entry, telling me generally why you'd like to take on the job. All comments will be screened.

Carlisle/Esme Drabble: Thou Art to me a delicious torment

2008-05-20T04:04:54Z

Title: Thou Art to Me A Delicious Torment
Author: Mariusgirl
Pairing: Carlisle/Esme
Word Count: 854
Rating: PG-13
Summary: His lips - perfect and misleadingly warm - are heaven in the darkness.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.

carlisle

2008-05-19T07:22:49Z

OH MY CARLISLE <33333 I made a few Carlisle icons yeeeey:

Teasers:

HERE @ inmortalidad

carlisle/esme drabble: knives don't have your back

2008-05-19T06:14:37Z

Hey guys. lovebuggin and yoursolace have started a canon-drabble-a-thon, and I wrote an Esme/Carlisle piece. They're easily my favorites, with Angela/Jacob and Edward/Bella. I thought I'd post the link here, because I know not much gets written about them.

I hope you like it :D

Title: Knives Don't Have Your Back
Pairing: Carlisle/Esme
Rating: PG for some kissin'
Wordcount: > 500
Summary: It’s difficult sometimes to forget that Carlisle is over three hundred years old. But sometimes, it’s hard to remember, too.

Fic

2008-05-13T06:19:14Z

Title: Fall
Author: websandwhiskers
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: All recognizable settings, characters, etc., belong to Stephenie Meyer and her publishers. I am making no money and intend no disrespect, just borrowing (without permission) because this ‘verse is so full of fun possibilities.
Summary / Author's Note: Companion piece to Climb; Carlisle decides to turn Esme. If you've not read the first story, this may make little sense.

"They brought her straight to the hospital morgue, though, somehow, her heart was still beating." -Twilight, pg. 252

***

Thump.

This is the sound of all the kingdoms of the world laid out at his feet, of angels to do his bidding and just one taste. It's slow and faltering and impossible, really, and the very unlikeliness of it whispers seductively. It's as if he was meant to walk by and hear.

Thump.

Her body is the scene of some cataclysmic conflict, to his eyes, something too terrible to possibly be the loss of a single life, the destruction of a single creature. She is a battle lost, a plundered city, a civilization brought to ruin - pelvis visibly shattered, legs broken in multiple places, one hand a pile of forgotten rags, skin holding in the remnants of bones but forgetting its shape. She must have tried to break her fall. It's instinct, to throw your hands out, sacrificing them to the greater good.

Her lips are just slightly parted, as if she's about to speak.

Thump.

His nose tells him more – that she fed a child at her breast, sometime recently, though not recently enough. The smell is faded, overlain with the sour, trapped-animal scent of fear; too faded, too long for a child so young to go without feeding. Her body can't tell him what happened to her child, but it can tell him that there was one, and that he's gone on ahead of his mother.

There is the faded shadow of a wedding band on her hand.

Thump.

He's seen suicides before, and for reasons far more inexplicable. He's let them go, before, to whatever fate awaits them. He isn't God, but he believes God is merciful, more merciful than his earthly father would have allowed. He was taught that suicide is a mortal sin, but then, by all accounts, he is an abomination himself. A hopeful abomination. He knew better than to return to his father expecting mercy, but he tells himself that perhaps she leapt not in despair, but in trust. Perhaps she knew her Father would forgive her.

Thump.

He wonders how long she'd been living here, right here, so close and he didn't know. He wonders if there was something he could have done, for her, for the child, something, anything –

- going to miss the clock!

Thump.

She's going to be with her child, very soon. Perhaps with her husband – dead in the war, maybe? He tries to imagine her life, wants desperately to be able to picture it – to see it, in full color and clarity, to believe that her existence was rich and full and wonderful before it was over. That there's sense in this, somehow; that whatever she was meant to do on this earth is done and that her merciful Father in heaven will welcome her home, that she is expected in this moment.

Even with one side of her face caved in and her eye an open, bloody ruin, she is the most beautiful thing he as ever seen. It's still her face, her face, and how can there be sense in this?

Thump.

He is not alone in the world. There is Edward, his son. He is well thought-of among his peers and has the company of the great thinkers of all ages. He would not count himself among them, not nearly, but books are becoming much easier to come by and he has their words. Even those philosophers who spent their lives spewing heresy bring him comfort. He prays for their souls, lacking any better way to repay the favor they've done him by writing their thoughts down – by letting him know that other men have found the world as he has found it. Full of reason and purpose, shattered into incomprehensibility, but begging to be pieced together.

Thump.

He is not alone, and yet seeing her again . . . her face, her beautiful, ruined face is everything that is temptation. He walked away from her once; it was enough that she existed in the world, this improbable, tree-climbing kindred soul, savior of clocks. He liked to think he was a rational being, and as such told himself that he'd romanticized the idea of her to the point of absurdity. She'd been a child, and a drugged and pain-addled child at that. Whatever moment of communion he thought he felt, it was surely only that, just a fleeting moment.

There was no sense in feeling she was somehow his. Clearly, she has not been. The faded circle of skin around what remains of the ring-finger of her left hand tells him this unequivocally, half-obscured by livid bruises though it is.

She's had a life, in which he has had no part, and now her life is done and he must accept. He must accept.

There's been no thump in several seconds now.

He feels his own still heart seizing up in his chest, something like a scream strangling itself in his throat.

- the clock, the clock, the clock!

I could fix it –

It is done, he tells himself firmly. All there is to do now is pray. It is done. She is gone, God have mercy on her soul.

- could fix it and it wouldn't have to be thrown away . . .

Heavenly Father, I beg thee have mercy on the soul of your child, your daughter Esme, who fell – who fell –

- not my leg, the clock!

If all the kingdoms of the world were laid out before him in this moment, he would laugh, and bitterly.

I'm going to miss the clock! I could fix it –

He has spent too much time there with too little excuse, he tells himself firmly – how on earth would he explain this, if he were discovered here, just watching her still corpse? Be practical, orders the portion of his mind that is not wailing, the last thing you need is the suggestion of the macabre about you. You cannot linger in the morgue.

Heavenly Father, I beg thee have mercy on me. Let me see your will in this. Let me see sense in this, let me just see why, how this can possibly be your will, how this can possibly -

He looks up, just happens to look up, before he leaves.

A clock hangs over the door, and though Carlisle knows it is nearly eleven o'clock at night, this clock believes it to be just a minute shy of two. One minute, and the hand shimmies back and forth, caught, broken.

He turns back to her instantly, inhumanly fast but feeling all too humanly weak, nauseous, full of despair and dread. Her heart isn't beating – it's too late, now, he's a blind fool and it's too –

Thump.

***

Thanks to mynuet for on-the-spot 2AM beta reading. :)

Fic: Fragile Balance

2008-05-07T16:45:54Z

Title: Fragile Balance
Author: Mariusgirl
Character: Carlisle
Word Count: 645
Rating: PG
Summary: Each new war and each new face is added to his wall of photographs, overlapping and crowding each other while flowing seamlessly together into a heartrending mural of anguish and shattered life.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Here @ tragic_freedom

Mafia-based RPG: WANTING TWILIGHT CHARACTERS!!

2008-05-04T21:33:31Z

Mods, if this isn't allowed, please feel free to delete!

WANTING TWILIGHT CHARACTERS NOW!!

Two houses, both with very different ideas of dignity: Monacello and Vescovo.

When: the future. Where: in a new-world Italy, a city known as Reggio Calabria. The setting is two parts steampunk, one part dystopia.

The streets are a constant battlefield, ruled by two major families, now bitter enemies in the struggle for territory. The new don of the Monacello family has all but declared open war upon the old don of the even older Vescovo family. It is a struggle for power, for territory, for pride, in which all have become pawns, and only a handful have been able to distinguish themselves as important players. Life is less like a game of chess, however, and more like a game of cards. The deck has been shuffled and the hands have been dealt. Whose side will you be on?

In an instant, lifelong enemies can become allies, and even family will betray you. Chances are, they already have. Those who are neutral—who have chosen not to affiliate themselves with either family—are not necessarily civilians. They can be opportunists, mercenaries, guns for hire; or perhaps they are innocents, caught up in the crossfire of something far bigger than individual needs and desires. Drug lords, prostitutes, pimps and assassins: all stand to profit from the chaos that would follow outright war.

But outright war is not yet upon Reggio Calabria. Slowly but surely, the lines are being drawn. Those who are neutral, those who are traitors, those who are bound by time-honored loyalty, will all find themselves a part of the coming storm.

► RULES
► F.A.Q.
► CHARACTER ALIGNMENTS
► APPLICATIONS
► RESERVED CHARACTERS
► TAKEN CHARACTERS

We have an Edward, Bella, and Jasper, but would LOVE any of the other Cullens or Werewolves~ ♥!

Fic: Climb, PG

2008-05-03T23:59:05Z

Title: Climb
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Reference to Esme's backstory as elaborated on The Twilight Lexicon; otherwise, nada
Disclaimer: All recognizable settings, characters, etc., belong to Stephenie Meyer and her publishers. I am making no money and intend no disrespect, just borrowing (without permission) because this ‘verse is so full of fun possibilities.
Summary / Author's Note: So, I had to do it - attempt the "Esme falls out of a tree and meets Carlisle" fic.

I'm not sure why I had to do it exactly, 'cause it's not like there's a shortage of these sorts of fics, but I guess I was never quite entirely satisfied with others' handling of it. So this is my version of what happened. I am again taking lots of random bits of things - Esme likes restoring antiques and she ended up in an abusive marriage that her parents wanted her to stay in, etc., etc. - and coming up with this vision of teen-Esme, and what exactly Carlisle saw in her.

(fake-cut to my journal)

Hi! And fic.

2008-05-01T03:49:39Z

Hi all, newbie here, and I come bearing fic!

Title: Agape
Author: websandwhiskers
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: All recognizable settings, characters, etc., belong to Stephenie Meyer and her publishers. I am making no money and intend no disrespect, just borrowing (without permission) because this ‘verse is so full of fun possibilities.
Spoilers: This is speculative post-'Eclipse' fic
Summary: A conversation between Bella and Esme, on the subjects of marriage and religion and vampirism - Bella's having more difficulty than she expected adjusting to being a vampire, and Edward's not taking it well. There's Bella/Edward angst and Carlisle/Esme fluff, though neither of the guys actually appears in the story. 'Agape' means spiritual love.
(fake-cut back to my journal)

Title: Sacrament
Author: websandwhiskers
Rating: PG-13ish? Something like that. There's probably nothing inappropriate for younger folks here, but probably not much that would appeal or make sense, either. Adult-themed in a benign way.
Disclaimer: All recognizable settings, characters, etc., belong to Stephenie Meyer and her publishers. I am making no money and intend no disrespect, just borrowing (without permission) because this ‘verse is so full of fun possibilities.
Spoilers: Through 'New Moon'
Summary: A bit of Carlisle/Esme fluff;

Esme's reaction to Carlisle's promise to change Bella. Takes place immediately following that canon scene.

(fake-cut to my journal again)

Discussion - Carlisle

2008-04-30T13:13:41Z

Okay, earlier today I went a bit insane and wrote a long reponse to this challenge/competition on who my favourite vampire is, and why. I thought I may as well share my Carlisle reponse. I'd love to hear your views on his character and any ways you agree/disagree with my perception of him.

When I think 'typical vampire' my mind instantly supplies the name Edward Cullen (which probably reveals my age). Edward represents the tension between man and monster, between the desire to be good and to love someone and the desire to, well, to kill them and drink their blood. He has unearthly beauty, an aura of danger and charisma, an obsessive streak a mile wide and more than enough self-hatred to fill any number of books - which it does.

But Edward Cullen isn't my favourite vampire.

When I read Twilight by Stephenie Meyer my mind was instantly caught by Carlisle Cullen. He is most definitely not your typical sexual predator of a vampire. He has the unearthly beauty, sure, but what he lacks is the horrible struggle that Edward and even Jasper exhibit throughout. He appears to have no desire for human blood; as a doctor he handles blood on a regular basis. While all the other vampires in some way present overt conflicts in their characters - Rosalie with her desperate wish for mortality, Edward with his belief in his own damnation, Esme with her wish for children - Carlisle appears to be entirely perfect. Sure of himself and his control, steadfast in his faith, he's so faultless it should be yawn-worthy. But Carlisle's role in the books and his own more subtle struggle makes him more fascinating to me than all the rest.

If the rest of the vampires in Twilight all have a role to play, then I'd characterise Carlisle's role in a single word: hope. Out of all the vampires in any book I've read, he's one of the few that believes wholeheartedly in salvation. He believes that vampires can choose to live well, to avoid murder and to one day reach heaven. He believes they have as much of a chance as any mortal. His beliefs bring all the Cullens together and offer them a new life. When Edward thinks that he has died and gone to heaven he says, to paraphrase: So Carlisle was right. No matter how difficult it becomes for any of the Cullens - even Edward - the beliefs Carlisle gave them offer hope for something more. A better life beyond this one, and a better now.

I think it's worth stating that I'm not a Christian. Even though Carlisle's concepts of salvation are blatantly so, I find I can still relate to them. The idea that no matter how bad a person we may believe we are, we still have free will and hope for the future is pretty universally understandable and meaningful. In the context of Carlisle's upbringing as a preacher's son, his faith also makes perfect sense. It gives this apparently angelic, sinless aspect of himself a human dimension. He is what his upbringing made of him, what being a vampire made of him, but most importantly he is what he made of himself.

As I've said before, Carlisle does appear to seem to be a little too perfect. But his failings are clearly there, and also very easy for me to relate to. Where Edward, for example, is torn quite clearly between the human and vampire aspects of his psyche, Carlisle is torn three ways: human, vampire and 'angel'. The 'angel' aspect is obviously his faith and hope, and his apparently unbreakable control. But the human part of him causes him to make mistakes over and over again. Esme, Edward, Rosalie and in some sense Emmett are living proof of that.

Carlisle is lonely. He loves his family, but his love is selfish. He never asked Edward if he wanted to be turned, and now Edward believes himself to be a soulless monster. Rosalie would rather have died human than become a vampire and is eternally bitter about it. Esme killed herself. It's blindingly obvious that another life would have been anything but her desire. Though she may be happy with her life in Twilight, Carlisle could not have known that she would have been. He turned people, in my opinion, simply because he could not stand being alone anymore. Immortality is lonely after all. But at least in the case of Edward, the book suggests that he thought he was doing what was right rather than what was right for himself.

A monster, who believes in his own good intentions, blind to the very human-like selfishness of his own choices? Scary, that. And that's exactly what Carlisle is. I do believe he has done great good, saving people's lives and refraining from murder, and even giving the Cullens hope and faith and a better life than they could have wished for. But at the same time he has deep and frankly frightening blind spots. I love him for his goodness and his unwillingness to succumb to his nature. I equally love him for his flaws, his selfishness, the partially concealed darkness in his nature.

I really believe the portrayal of Carlisle takes cliched concepts like vampires searching for salvation and makes them new and layered and fascinating. Carlisle may not have the sexual edge of Edward, or Jasper's difficult struggle, but he has a conflict of his own. He has loneliness, he has love. He has selfishness and power and a certain blindness to his own failings. His flaws are so painfully easily to relate to and yet so inhuman at the same time that I can't help but consider him my favourite vampire by far.

Drabble - "Dance"

2008-04-25T23:38:27Z

Title: Dance
Author: nyaza
Characters: Esme/Carlisle
Rating: G
Word Count: 371 words
Summary: He was captured by her smell. By her everything, truly.
Note: Thanks to nikegoddess_ for beta-ing! Originally made for prompt Captured from twilightprompts

By her everything...

I Shall Not Want, Carlisle/Esme, PG13

2008-04-25T22:12:42Z

Title: I Shall Not Want
Author: Syrenka
Rating: PG13
Pairing: Carlisle/Esme
Summary: Carlisle meets sixteen-year-old Esme Platt, and fights and old and immortal temptation. A companion piece to Feathers and Wax. Written for the prompt 'Warmth' at twilight20.
Disclaimer: If I'd written Twilight it probably would have been called The Story of Esme and Carlisle and Also Some Other People. So clearly the series belongs to Stephenie Meyers, not me.

I Shall Not Want

For Forks' Sake!

2008-04-24T00:35:17Z

Love all things Twilight?

Join us at for_forks_sake to share the rainy, moss-covered love. We'll be hosting a meta forum for weekly discussions about the books and characters, a drabble board to inspire your writerly side, and regular fan fiction and art spotlights so you can find the good stuff. There'll also be opportunities for you to pimp your own or other people's fanwork, icon drives, playlists and regular movie squee, as well as plenty of vampire love.

Come on over. The weather's... drizzly ;).

Art: The bite (Carlisle Cullen)

2008-04-21T19:20:10Z

Title: The bite
Media: Ink
Caracters: Carlisle
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Warnings: A little gore
Summary: Carlisle Cullen shortly after being bitten.
Artist's notes: This is my first foray into the Twilight fandom, and this moment in Carlisle's life just jumped out at me, wanting to be illustrated.

One Shot - Love Will You Save Me? (PG-13, Esme, Charles/Esme, Carlisle/Esme)

2008-04-16T20:05:32Z

Title: Love Will You Save Me?
Word Count: 1442
Fandom/Pairing: Twilight, Esme, Charles/Esme, Carlisle/Esme
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst, Romance
Warnings: Rape, Suicide
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters belonging to it. I just like playing with them and making them real.
Short Summary: Pieces of Esme's life.
Notes: Written for eventide_rp and the prompts that I chose. Follows book canon. I'm just filling in the blanks. Some parts are Esme's point of view from Favourite Kisses by littlepiece.

Here @ blastyyblast

Fic: Lights Will Guide You Home - Prologue [Twilight]

2008-04-08T23:14:25Z

Title: Lights Will Guide You Home
Author: Syrenka
Rating: PG13
Pairings: Carlisle/Esme
Summary: Esme Anne Platt is born in the year 1981 rather than 1895. Her presence in Forks -- and her developing relationship with a certain Dr Carlisle Cullen -- has strange and tragic consequences. A twist on an old love story.
Warnings: Violence, references to domestic abuse.
Disclaimer: Twilight ain't mine, ma'am. Neither is the title, which was taken from the lyrics of 'Fix You' by Coldplay.

"You have a choice to make, Carlisle." The voice should not be mild, should not be faintly amused. And yet. "I think you know what it is."

"Esme," he whispers.

It feels like dreaming. The ceiling swims and begins to drift. And the walls -- they're peeling back, shimmering like dust clouds. I'm standing in the light -- am I standing in the light? I'd hold up my arms, test out the shade against my skin, but I can't find them. Dead weight.

"Tell your human to stop moving, Carlisle."

"Stop moving," he says. I want to ask, Why are you listening to him? But when I open my mouth no words come out. Something hot trickles down to my chin. More of it rises from my mouth and I start to choke. And for some reason I'm not standing at all, I'm lying on the ground and my chest feels sticky and Carlisle won't stop looking at me. I don't want him to look at me like that. No darling, don't look at me like that.

I need to go to him. I need to wrap my arms around him and shelter him from the ills of this place. He needs to know that it will be okay because he taught me that and before him I was so alone and so -- I need --

Someone is screaming. I think it might be me.

Carlisle runs towards me. There is such a large distance between us but he's a vampire, he moves fast. The others step in his way, barring him with their grappling white hands. I hear him say my name again, just say it, like a bewildered child.

Oh, darling. I never wanted this for us.

I think he reaches me. I think he kneels down beside me, trying to contain himself. I can't contain myself. I'm spilling all over the floor. I think. I think I manage to reach out to him. I think for a second my skin shines just like his does, gleaming in a shaft of sunlight.

The Last Light. I am ready to flicker out.

It's alright, love. I knew--

-

(But it goes dark; the thought halts, the synapses wither. Carlisle bends over her body and howls.

For the first time in his immortal life he is more Beast than Man.)

-

(I knew --)

I knew about pain.

It shaped my life. As ugly and pointless as it may have been, to understand me you have to accept one thing: I knew about pain. I knew a lot.

I could categorise and compartmentalise it. I could give it a new identity. Sometimes I called it an accident. Breaking a bone -- that was an accident. It was a random act of chance and nature, a misstep of feet and fate. I'd climbed a tree. I'd fallen. There was no one to blame, not even myself.

I hated that word. Blame. In my young mouth it felt like filth.

And then there were mistakes. The first time Charles hit me -- that was a mistake. He gripped my shoulder so hard that I could feel the blunt ends of his nails; his whole arm shook. He looked at me hard, straight into my eyes, and pulled back his hand. Then he struck me. It made my bones rattle.

After the tears and the locked doors and the cellphone snatched straight from my hand, it came down to an apology. I'm sorry, he told me. It was a mistake. So we called it that, just a mistake, and I tried not think about how mistake had become a byword for agony. A twisted knee, burnt fingers, a bruised stomach: mistake, mistake, mistake.

There was another pain I hadn't named. We met later, on an afternoon when I sat on the bathroom's linoleum floor and wept and wept because the stick had changed colour and my world was falling down. It was a pain that I'd carried without knowing it, and it was growing like the mass of cells inside me, taking on a life of its own.

Love. No one had told me love was like this. No one had told me about the sense of responsibility, the sudden threat of future blames that settled over my shoulders. I was going to be a mother. The thought terrified me, it made my heart lurch. But it gave me something else too, something I was so sure I'd lost a long time ago -- hope.

I left my cellphone and my wedding ring on the bedside table. I threw the pregnancy test into the trash and wrote Charles a letter. If you look for me, I'll tell everyone the truth. His greatest fear, or so I thought then. I went to live with my cousin, the one the rest of the family refused to talk to. She gave me the couch to sleep on and her spare pillow. Later she gave me a new name. It cost me all my savings, but I didn't regret it.

There would be no mistakes or accidents for my baby. I wouldn't allow it. A ridiculous faith, perhaps.

But before Forks, before Carlisle -- before my salvation -- it was the only thing I had.

New Twilight community

2008-04-06T06:25:04Z

Does your heart skip a beat when you see a black Mercedes? How about when you see the name Carlisle on a sign? Do you squee just a little bit when you see something in your everyday life that makes you think about Twilight?

Then this is the community for you! It's a picspam community where you can post pictures you've taken of the little things that remind you of Twilight.

Come join i_see_twilight. :)

xposted

One-shot: Almost Lover(PG, Es/C)

2008-04-05T04:14:01Z

Title: Almost Lover
Author: ladyakako
Character/Pairing/Group: Esme/Carlisle
Rating: PG
Summary: Esme’s thoughts leading up to throwing herself from the cliff. She reflects not only on her lost child, but on everything she’s lost in her short life.
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Stephenie Meyer
Author's Note: Part of a ficmix based off tracks from A Fine Frenzy’s album “One Cell In The Sea”. Each one-shot is separate work. The only thing that ties them together is the music that inspires them

HERE @ fanfiction.net

or

HERE @ gloriousbite

Fanfiction Recommendations

2008-04-04T21:45:53Z

Hi all. I'm thinking of adding a recommended fanfic page to Soul Mates, my Carlisle/Esme site. As there aren't that many Carlisle/Esme fics around, I was hoping that you guys might have some suggestions for me. Any ratings and genres are fine but it must be well written (it is a "recommendation" page, after all). I should note that I won't be archiving fanfiction - the page will only include basic information about the fic and a link to its location.

Any help would be appreciated. :) Also, if you have any other ideas on how to improve the site, I'd love to hear them!

Welcome!

2008-04-02T11:10:14Z

Welcome to esmecarlisle, a community for fans of Carlisle/Esme. If you have any suggestions for improvements to the community, comment here and I'll see what I can manage. And get posting! Activity is love. ♥