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[Sep. 4th, 2008|07:26 pm] |
You know that heart wrenching dead feeling inside you, where you can not possibly deal with another disappointment in life, where you don't even have the courage to move for fear of losing it all.
That would be a wonderful feeling to replace how I feel.
I wish he knew, could see how completely dedicated and in love I am with him.
How I have given him my entire being. I would crawl through fire and frogs just to make him happy.
That I don't even realize that I make him so angry.
Every single thing I do is only to try and help him.
Every single thing I do upsets him.
I just want us to be happy.
He is the greatest thing to ever happen to me.
He has shown me that I am stronger than my addictions.
I have stopped throwing up, stopped doing cocaine, I don't drink like I used to, I didn't hate myself everyday I woke up, I cared enough about myself to wear make up and girl clothes, to fix my hair, to get a job, to straighten out my licenses and car. He made me care about myself and about him. He should me that I could be in love again, and that I could give all of my heart and soul into someone and they wouldn't just take it, they would give in return.
If I lose him, I have nothing else to live for.
I have no will or desire to go through with life.
He is my everything.
I am an independent person, and I could possibly survive,
but why would I want such a lonely life.
I am utterly in love with him. |
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| Happiness! It still exists! |
[Sep. 4th, 2008|05:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to feel this happy again. I've missed it so.
A very large part of that is having Jim home again. He took last week off and I got used to having him around. Now I miss him when he's gone to work. ;c)
Then, of course, there are the kittens! z0mg, they are awesomeness squared.
 
They already have big personalities. The short-haired one is so lovey sweet! Talk to her and she runs over to rub on you and be petted. And she has the LOUDEST purr. Seriously, you can hear it from across the room even while the TV is on. It's quite amazing that it comes out of such a tiny little beast. Thanks to the purr, I think her name will end up being Harley. She is also the brave explorer of the two and doesn't really get spooked by anything. Even Liam's rambunctiousness doesn't bother her a bit and she will come to him for loves. The long-haired is a bit more cautious, though not by much. She's not a fan of Liam but will play with him if he has a toy for her. Mostly because she doesn't miss any chance to play. I swear that baby will wake from a dead sleep and go straight to pounce mode. We haven't come up with a name for her, yet. Maybe some variation of Davidson or perhaps something completely different.
I'm a little down that we aren't going to use Null and Void as suggested by ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) hippybngstockng but we decided that the names just didn't fit.
And today was Etsy mail day!
First and foremost, I got the gorgeous angel dealy-mabobber from bunnykissd! I haven't hung it yet but will take pics when I do. It is so amazingly beautiful in person. I couldn't have imagined it any better. Thank you so much, Diana! I couldn't possibly express how much it means to me, though I know I keep trying. ;c)
Also, my second order from a seller called simplyseasonal arrived. I ordered from her the first time the day I signed up for Etsy. I knew better than to browse the site but I couldn't resist and when I came across her snickerdoodles, something told me I needed them. I hadn't had snickerdoodles since mommy died. She used to buy me some every Saturday morning when we went to the Farmer's Market and then a Milky Way latte on the way home for dunking. YUM. So I ordered them and some caramel corn as well. The snickerdoodles were so, so good. Very reminiscent of the ones from the market but more crisp and therefore more suited for dunking. And Jillian fell madly in love with the caramel corn. Once it was gone, which really didn't take long, she couldn't stop mentioning how much she needed to get more. So I finally ordered more as well as some caramels and "cocoa cappuccino crinkle" cookies. All of which are super yummy! If you need something for your sweet tooth, definitely check her out! She's pretty super sweet herself. |
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| LOL!Ians, I haz dem... |
[Sep. 4th, 2008|04:22 am] |
...because Ian's pics are ripe for making LOLmacros, I present you with these lovely photos!
ENJOY!
This one is for my Jeahmaica betches...
And last, but certainly NOT least...
TWO MOAR!
Take One of this one:
And an alternate version:
And a LOL!Monkey Boy:
HA. I even LOLMacro'd myself!
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| the world has changed |
[Sep. 4th, 2008|03:17 am] |
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i seem different after almost a year of not posting. school and work have been amazing and there is still two and half months tell i get my degree. i feel so tired most of the time i work hard at my job but it just like the last year work it not as fun as i have hoped. |
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| Voice Post |
[Sep. 3rd, 2008|04:54 pm] |
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| Work vent...you can ignore |
[Sep. 3rd, 2008|04:41 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | work | ] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | work | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | n/a | ] |
I've been here for more than 6 months. You're a control freak. Why the hell did you suggest hiring me if you weren't planning on letting me work. You gripe about having too much work for one editor, but then when I can help you push me out of the chair and start doing it yourself because you can't stand letting someone else do it besides yourself. All the while, getting angry and frustrated at everyone else because you "can't be in two places at once." Uggghhhhh!
"If she can't do it, I gotta take over, but I have too much stuff cause people waited till last minute."
"She can. She was just starting when you got in here."
"Can you do it Kim?" He wasn't really asking me, because he really thought I was incapable.
"Yes, I can." Don't fucking assume I can't do it! I can! And I fucking did. And everyone liked it! I didn't complain about it all damn day, I did it with a smile.
Damn it! So rude, so him!
I plan to fully enjoy myself tonight. |
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| kiss |
[Sep. 4th, 2008|12:33 am] |
| [ | music |
| | lina singing i kissed a girl. STUCK IN MY HEAD! | ] |
i've got nothin more to say to you.
i always can feel,even fytrie does, that you have something against me.
like you said, i dont have alot of friends like you do. i have nothing, just a boyfriend.
so whatever th reason of you being unsatisfied with me inside,
hopefully, one day it will be all good.
you can hide, but you know i always can sense and know without you telling.
im tired trying to fix us up.
ilovelovelovelovelovelovelovefytriebassbotak.
happy,b? ahhahhaha
 . . |
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[Sep. 2nd, 2008|11:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  horny | ] |
i'm online right now and will be for a like an hr maybe longer ;)
on yahoo
lonelystazzergazzer |
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| Family! |
[Sep. 2nd, 2008|09:58 pm] |
My cousin's daughter, ST, is getting married next month. ST was christened/baptized at my wedding so there's a strong connection between our families. Also, her father was an older brother to me (there are 4 years between us) as we were growing up. Anyway, Mom and I had decided that the trip was just too much for her - she's coming here on Oct 15. To go to the wedding we'd have to leave for Philly that Friday then come back on Sunday the 19th.
Apparently my brother and his wife have convinced Mom that she should go which means I have to go.
Let me say this in the fewest possible words:
I. Do. Not. Want. To. Go.
However, since Mom wants to attend, we will. I had originally thought to take Thurs & Fri off but have decided one day out of the office is enough. Besides, I don't really want to be away from home & Bobby any more than I have to. And by only taking Friday, it will leave me with 3 vacation days for the rest of the year. I am seriously considering taking a mental health day later this month and again early in November. I have plenty of sick leave - several weeks worth - and I think preserving my sanity is a good reason to use a few of them.
So my next task, tomorrow, is to make travel arrangements - flight, car, & hotel.
Wish the little bro & s-i-l would quit meddling. sigh |
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| Posted using TxtLJ |
[Sep. 2nd, 2008|07:44 pm] |
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We managed to get the car out to dry(ish) ground, so we're leaving town. Hopefully we'll have power when we get back. Houston and Dallas here we come. |
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| Posted using TxtLJ |
[Sep. 2nd, 2008|03:23 pm] |
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We were gonna leave the state and go get my new car, but it started raining again and we're flooded in. I'm bored! And warm. |
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