January 5th, 2008
This is you. Eyes closed, out in the rain. You never thought you'd be doing something like this, you never saw yourself as, I don't know how you'd describe it...is like one of those people who like looking up at the moon, who spend hours gazing at the waves or the sunset or...I guess you know the kind of people I'm talking about. Maybe you don't. Anyway, you kind of like being like this, fighting the cold, feeling the water seep through your shirt and getting through your skin. And the feel of the ground growing soft beneath your feet. And the smell. And the sound of the rain hitting the leaves. All the things they talked about in the books you haven't read. This is you, who would have guessed it? You.
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'I am not a concept Joel, I am just a fucked up girl who's looking for my only peace of mind, I am not perfect.'
'I can't see anything that I don't like about you. '
'But you will! But you will. You know, you will think of things. And I'll get bored with you and feel trapped because that's what happens with me.'
'Okay.'
'I can't see anything that I don't like about you. '
'But you will! But you will. You know, you will think of things. And I'll get bored with you and feel trapped because that's what happens with me.'
'Okay.'
I had a very different identity in Belvedere, that's why it was so difficult to talk about it with you. I never had a boyfriend there; I didn't make art, I wasn't artistic at all. I was kind of a jock. I was totally a jock - I was the coach of a swim team. If I had thought this would be at all interesting to you I would have told you earlier, and maybe we would still be going out.
You are already completley happy and fulfilled already, even though we only broke up two weeks ago. I wasn't even totally sure we were broken up until I saw you with her. You seem incredibly far away to me, like someone on the other side of a lake. A dot so small that it isn't male or female or young or old; it's just smiling.
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