| My Dream Last Night |
[13 Oct 2008|05:25pm] |
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I had a strange dream last night. As usual, we were living on the beach. (always near water!) Dark aparment. There were alot of people around... I'm not sure why. There was this white dog, sort of a small dog almost as small as a cat that was in labor. Someone, not sure who as I couldn't see their face, was holding the dog with the dogs front forward.
The dog is giving birth! It's just unbelievable.
I help the puppy come out. The momma dog was struggling to get the baby out and I was trying to help as much as possible. The puppy was out and looked big for a newborn pup. The puppy was in a thick plastic looking sac. I tore it open and washed the puppy. His eyes were closed still, but he looked healthy. I grabbed a baby's bottle and started feeding it and it fed really well.
I felt so close to it for some reason. It was adorable.
There was more to the dream, but I don't remember any of it.
I got to sleep in this morning thank you Julian... LOL
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| Amen. |
[13 Oct 2008|04:46pm] |
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You are a Peace Patroller, also known as an anti-war liberal or neo-hippie. You believe in putting an end to American imperial conquest, stopping wars that have already been lost, and supporting our troops by bringing them home. |
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| Explained |
[13 Oct 2008|05:13pm] |
A little more than a week ago I had an episode of posting something very uncharacteristic and not remembering having done it. This bothered me. I had been on a migraine medication at the time and thought that could be involved. So I went to the doctor. The migraine medicine didn't do anything to me. However, the combination of the migraine medication and a sinus infection antibiotic I was on at the same time DID do something to me.
According to my doctor, there should not have been any sort of interaction between the two. Yet...there was.
Most doctors would have been surprised by this, but mine now takes such things in stride. There is a notation in my medical file in his office that states "Mr. ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) wordcandlemage is a walking violation of the laws of probability."
Well...at least I know what caused that very un-me bit of bigotry. And I certainly know what two medications I must never, ever take at the same time again!
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[13 Oct 2008|05:01pm] |
So yesterday was a decent evening. I was exhausted, but it was good all the same. I picked up Julian from my friends house, went home to change and feed Julian. My neighbor comes out (mind you he's an older, hippie type... total sweetheart, but creepy all the same) and asks me
"Do you know where I can get some weed? I have $35 and I'll give you gas money"
"Oh, um, I'm not sure. Yeah I'll make a phone call I guess."
"I didn't think Ben would mind, me asking you. If you want to just take the money and come back with the weed that's cool too."
"Oh, well I don't know how long I'm going to be cuz I'm going out with Julian for a while and I'd hate to take your money and not come back with anything"
"Okay"
I went inside my apartment feeling odd. No I don't want to find this guy weed. I changed clothes, got Julian a PB and Fluff sandwich with some cheese crackers and vitamin water and he played video games (sponge bob) while I cleaned up and changed into jeans. I thought about it, and went back to the neighbors and lied.
"Hey, I called the guy and he's out. Sorry"
*smile*
*creepy smile*
"Not a problem, thank you for checking, like I said, I didn't think Ben would mind me asking you"
"yeah, no it's fine"
So anywho... we went to Ben's mom's place. The men were all playing horseshoes and it was me, Lynn, Robynn, and Lacey (Ben's half sister). We had a few drinks and just hung out. Lacy's daughter is just 2 months older than Julian so they always have a good time together and keep eachother company.
Robynn's brother's girlfriend, Heather is going to be Julian's new sitter THANK GOD. I was starting to freak out because I have basically no one to help me with him. So that saved me alot of grief. AND I don't have to pay her until Ben comes back, total score.
Lynn is so great. She told me that she knows everything is going to work out with Ben and I. Both her and dad say the same thing that they'll kill him if he leaves me. They love me so much and I just adore them. It's a shame Ben isn't as level headed as his mother, he's hot headed just like his father. But just as handsome. Best thing about that family is that they all age beautifully. I hope to be the same just by association.
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| Posted using TxtLJ |
[13 Oct 2008|04:50pm] |
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BreakingNewsOn: In what is being called the best trading day on Wall Street in at least 75 years; S&P 500 up 11.6%; Dow up 936 points.
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| PS ... I forgot .... |
[13 Oct 2008|01:32pm] |
Just in case yous were wondering ....
proof, proof, proof ....
Winter arrives early in snowy Saskatchewan
Actually for this to have been mentioned in the NATIONAL news probably means it was a slow news day ....
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| Begining to the End |
[13 Oct 2008|03:12pm] |
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
I hate not being honest. I hate how everyday is different. Because everyday is so different for me, I feel like I'm not being honest. I hate coming to work sometimes for a week straight because all I want to do is sleep and eat and cry and watch movies and talk to no one. Then all I want to do is go to work and escape my apartment, my boyfriend and my kids. Some days I just want to stop everything at once and not breathe again. Like it's that easy.
- Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. [Not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5]
- A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
- Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
- Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., promiscuous sex, eating disorders, binge eating, substance abuse, reckless driving). [Again, not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5]
- Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats, or self-mutilating behavior such as cutting, interfering with the healing of scars, or picking at oneself.
- Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).
- Chronic feelings of emptiness, worthlessness.
- Inappropriate anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).
- Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation, delusions or severe dissociative symptoms
These are the criteria they consider when diagnosing BPD.
Interesting isn't it?
It's amazing to me to read about yourself on the internet.
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| Ookay .... |
[13 Oct 2008|01:16pm] |
Matt is coming along. He is a kid (19) and it shows but he also wants to please so it just takes the right kind of encouragement and direction.
Brad thinks he is a superior know it all. Gripes and bitches all the time about everyone and everything. ... and if he makes one more pass at me I am going to hit him. 27 -- leave me alone.
Then there is ... I don't even know his name. Big, black guy with no Jamaican/Caribbean or African accent. Which is so extremely rare in my dot, I think this might be the first one I've ever encountered. He is coming over to my house for Thanksgiving NEXT YEAR. -laughs- He is in the area pipelining and probably won't even be here by Christmas.
LOTS of hunters. American, mostly.
So yeah. So far so good. It's alright at least.
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| this is incredibly hard. |
[13 Oct 2008|01:42pm] |
ANd I want to look back, but I'm not doing it anymore.
And I'm angry because you want a friends with benefits type thing. Dress it up anyway you want. That's exactly what it is. Getting your cake and eating it too.
But you have no faith in a relationship between us. Plenty of faith in the fucking. But not in the relationship. Which is a loud blaring, klaxon, this relationship is irreparable time to move on with dignity and poise.
so that is what i'm doing. and i'm not looking back. and i'm not crossing anymore lines. i'm not having sex with you anymore.
i love you. always will. time to fly on our own though.
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[13 Oct 2008|10:53am] |
My Mother called me yesterday to wish me a Happy Birthday, since she didn't know I'd taken the day off today and wanted to make sure she was able to tell me, even if it was early. We played catch up discussion, and what's happening due to the state of the horrible economy.
I think it's the first time ever that we've discussed politics, as in had a real truthful discussion on our views on things, and I find we agree on most everything. Probably should be as surprising to me as it is because all of the values she taught me as a child are the reason why I lean heavily towards being a liberal democrat. Apparently, my father is heavily Republican, which I don't think surprises me at all, but considering the status of the stock market and the effect it's having on retirement funds, he's considering actually voting for Obama.
I think that's probably why politics weren't discussed very often, much like Religion, because their views differed so much and discussion would have become argumentative, and they did try to spare me of their conflicts whenever possible.
I just remember as a child being told by my Mother that when talking to my grandfather I was not allowed to bring up the subject of the Great Depression. I don't even know why it was specifically requested, as it's not a subject I would have thought to bring up I think, but I guess she was being proactive in not hearing a long drawn out rant from her father of how difficult life was for him as a child. I bring this up because she mentioned to me her fear that we may be on the brink of something like that again, and it's definitely something that had been weighing heavily on my mind as well. She told me a couple of stories that she's heard recently of people losing everything since the stock market has been down and taking their own life, reactions that mirror what was happening not even a full century ago. We talked about my job, and that while things are still stable for me at this point, the stress level has risen because of the amount of people who just are not able to pay their bills.
I started really thinking about everything back when gas hit 4 dollars a gallon, and I knew back then we were in a serious crisis. The problem was no one seemed to want to admit it or talk about it. I get calls from so many people who complain about the amount they're paying for electricity, but they're not willing to adapt their habits to the circumstances of the situation we're all in.
We had a real opportunity with 9/11 as far a personal responsibility and accountability are concerned that was squandered. Telling people during a state of crisis that they should continue about their lives as if nothing happened is irresponsible. Telling people that they needed to not change their habits or the terrorists have won is now coming back to bite us. Now people expect not to have to change. They want to continue living their lives as they always have and not respond to the crisis in a reasonable fashion. We all have to change the way we've been living.
No matter who we vote into office, it doesn't change the fact that we're on a sinking ship. The next four years are going to be spent trying to keep our heads above water. It's going to take hard work and effort to do. Things aren't going to turn around by themselves. And it's possible things could even get much worse before they get better. But we all have to prepare. We all have to have contingency plans. And we all have to think about what changes we will have to make just to survive should worse come to worse. And we all have to be sensitive to those who are already experiencing worse, when we are not.
These are the thoughts that plagued my mind yesterday until approximately 4 am when I was finally tired enough that my racing mind was no longer keeping me awake. It's the third night in a row I've had issues sleeping.
Happy Birthday.
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| So symbolic, it is. |
[13 Oct 2008|02:34pm] |
Maybe one day, humanity will awaken to their true self, which is, you can live within the same world with others who do not perceive reality as you do, without beating the ever living crap out of them (physically or psychically). Everyone is already alone. Grow up and get over it.
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| Political Funnies (unless ur 1 of those asses who takes it way too seriously) |
[13 Oct 2008|02:28pm] |
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mood |
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| Mad Book Binder |
[13 Oct 2008|02:09pm] |
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Just a little plug for Jim. He is back at work doing his Lovecraft inspired book binding and design. His LJ that discusses this is towerlibris. He is working on a new design inspired by "At the Mountains of Madness." He is back to selling some of his work on Ebay and doing well so far. Go Jim!
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| Mending the Pattern by Philip C. Robinson |
[13 Oct 2008|11:42am] |
Give me the chance
to show You
who I
am
Without pretense
Without prejudice
Regardless of
Your own
Past
My Past
is not Yours
Why let it
define ME
before You’ve
given me
the opportunity
to show You
My character
My thoughts
My actions
My beliefs
Why choose
to stubbornly
believe
Your past
will always
and accurately
predict
My Future?
Let it go.
Each new experience
deserves
to be regarded
uniquely
on its own.
Without such baggage
perhaps kindness
can again be seen as
kindness
and not as something
sinister
perhaps Love
can be without
the conditions
that only existed
in some other time
at some other place
with some other person
perhaps actions
can flow without
constant wariness-
instead of
protecting
the past
by denying
the future.
Dare We
cut the cords
to the past
and weave
a wonderful
new
Now?
© Copyright 2008
Philip C. Robinson
All rights Reserved.
No duplication without permission of author FIRST!
-=( Cross-posted to/from InZenity )=-
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| Smallville: Let me get this straight… |
[13 Oct 2008|12:29pm] |
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mood |
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Originally published at Toob Talk. You can comment here or there. As of this season of Smallville we have:
- Most of the stories taking place in Metropolis
- Clark working at The Daily Planet
- With Lois
- and an obvious romantic interest in him on her part
Is it just me, or does that make it Lois and Clark more than Smallville?
Also, no Lex or Lionel Luther to be had so far.
Makes me wonder why I still bother watching the show…
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| Obedience-Based Decisions Versus Skill and Ability by Os Hillman |
[13 Oct 2008|11:08am] |
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To consult with God in all things is the ultimate sign of obedience –
free will is still there, but in exercising free will to choose to honor God (who created us) is the ultimate worship.
Seeking God’s heart in any matter will lead, ultimately, to properly honoring God– starting with the act itself…
1 Chronicles 14:15
As soon as you hear the sound of marching in the tops of the balsam trees, move out to battle.
The Philistines were attacking. David wanted to know how to respond. His first inquiry of God revealed that he was to attack the Philistines straightaway and God would give him victory. David followed God’s instruction and gained victory. Shortly after, the Philistines mounted another attack. “So David inquired of God again, and God answered him, ‘Do not go straight up, but circle around them and attack them in front of the balsam trees’ ” (1 Chron. 14:14). </p>
David was a well-trained warrior, a strategist. Yet, we find that David’s dependence on God to direct his efforts was very great. In fact, after he won the first battle, he went right back to inquire again.
This is the most important lesson we can learn from this story. God told David to attack, but only after he heard the marching in the balsam trees.
( Read the rest of this entry » )
-=( Cross-posted to/from InZenity )=-
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