fic: "Two Frasers. Two." by belmanoir (F/K/V, R)
Title: Two Frasers. Two.
Author: belmanoir
Pairing: F/K/V
Rating: R
Word count: 957
Summary: Inspired by Buffy, Fraser and the Rays discuss a vital hypothetical situation. Namely, would you have sex with yourself?
Notes: Written for and beta'd by mrs_laugh_track. The Buffy episode Kowalski is watching is 4x12, "A New Man," if anyone's curious.
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine, and I am making no money off this.


"Yeah, yeah!" Kowalski said, bouncing up and down. "Did you see how he took that corner? The car's a complete piece of shit, too--oh, fuck." The car on the TV screen plowed into a heap of building materials.

"What is your obsession with this show?" Ray said, amused. "I think you're the only person over the age of fourteen who watches it."

"Spike is hot," Kowalski explained. "Buffy's hot too. You know, with the leather pants. But really it's Spike. He looks like Billy Idol."

Ray choked back a laugh. "He looks like you. I've seen pictures of you from the eighties."

Kowalski glared. "Where? Oh, right, Stella. Well, I looked good, didn't I?"

He'd looked a hell of a lot better than Spike. No matter how much crap Kowalski put in his hair, bleach and gel and hairspray and God knew what, it always looked soft. "You know, Stanley, for a guy with low self esteem you're awfully narcissistic."

Kowalski grinned at him. "Yeah, I guess I'd do myself. Wouldn't you?"

Ray blinked. It wasn't like he thought he was ugly or anything, but..."Nah. Why would I? I got my hands full with you two already."

"I dunno. It'd be fun, wouldn't it? Like jerking off but better. You'd know exactly how you like it--"

"Hey!" Ray said, louder than he meant to. "I know exactly how you like it!"

Fraser poked his head in from the kitchen, where he was polishing his boots. "Is everything all right, Ray?"

Ray was pretty sure Kowalski's sudden evil grin was the mirror image of his own. "Hey, Fraser," they said. Damn, talking in unison tended to kill casual.

"Yes?" Fraser asked, glancing nervously between them.

Kowalski shrugged and went for it. "Would you have sex with yourself?"

Fraser frowned. "Er, you mean--masturbation? I know you think me woefully innocent, Ray, but I do--"

"Nah, Benny, not like that," Ray explained. "Like, if you magically got turned into two of you. Would you have sex with the other one? Because I wouldn't, and Kowalski would, so you gotta break the tie."

Fraser's hair was starting to look frazzled. Ray had never understood how he did that. "Since it seems highly unlikely that I would ever be in such a position--"

"Nuh uh, Fraser," Kowalski said, standing up. "I know you don't quite get the concept of hypothetical situations"--(it was true. Fraser's idea of a hypothetical situation was If I hypothetically did something that would really piss you off, Ray--no, Ray, this is all hypothetical--perhaps it would be best if you didn't go in the kitchen--oh, dear. Hypotheticals like Who would win in a fight, Batman or Superman? went totally over his head)--"but you gotta answer the question. Otherwise it's cheating."

"I never agreed to play, Ray."

"Sure you did, Fraser," Kowalski said. "When you moved in with us, I'm pretty sure that was in the contract."

A smile tugged at the corner of Fraser's mouth. "Perhaps if you just showed me that provision, I could see my way clear to obliging you."

Kowalski grinned lazily at Ray. "Well, I would, but you know how Vecchio is with losing paperwork."

"Yeah, yeah, blame it on me, why don't you? So, Fraser, would you or wouldn't you?"

"Well, Ray, were I to be tête-à-tête with myself there are probably other things I would enjoy discussing more. As you tell me so often, I have rather a different way of looking at things than most people. It might be nice to spend time with someone who--well--"

Something turned over in Ray's chest. His heart, his stomach, whatever. Maybe he shouldn't tell Fraser he was weird so much. He went over and put his arm around the guy. "Hey," he said. "We don't always get you, Benny, but we'll always back you. Right?"

Fraser nodded, and--now he was blushing, but his eyes gleamed with amusement and what, on anyone else, Ray would have called flirtatiousness. "However," he said thoughtfully, "I think I would enjoy--well, pleasuring myself--if the two of you were watching."

Sometimes being with Fraser was like lust shock therapy. Ray took a step back so he wouldn't be zapped too hard. "Wha--?" he said, stupidly. "But Fraser, you won't even let us watch you jerk off!"

Fraser licked his lip. "Well, no," he admitted. "But I want to, Ray. I just--"

"You can't, Fraser, we get that," Kowalski said gently. Fraser didn't like being the center of attention. He didn't like people focusing on him too hard. He didn't like being asked what he wanted.

"But if there were two of me," Fraser said, flushing harder now but keeping going, "it wouldn't feel much different than having sex with one of you while the other watches. And I do that all the time. I--enjoy it."

Ray glanced at Kowalski. Yep. Same glazed expression he must be wearing. Two Frasers. Two. Jesus. Benny, licking his way up Benny's neck, putting his hand on his own cock and twisting his wrist the way he did to Ray. Two sets of hands, two broad chests. Two pairs of dilated blue eyes glancing over at Ray, putting on a show for him and Kowalski--he looked down, and Fraser was hard. God, the three of them were like horny teenagers sometimes.

"Okay," Kowalski said, sounding dazed and hoarse, "I--will you suck off Vecchio for me?"

Fraser was getting on his knees before Kowalski finished the sentence.

"For you?" Ray reached over to unbutton Kowalski's jeans. "How about for me? I'm the one getting the blowjob."

"I'm doing it for both of you," Fraser said firmly, and then--oh, yeah. Fraser knew exactly how he liked it.