Genre 2007 challenge by belmanoir
Pairing: F/V/K
Length: 515
Rating: R
Notes: I've never actually read a letter to Penthouse, so I hope I didn't miss something important about the format. I tried going to penthouseletters.com but they wanted me to register before actually letting me read anything! Also I'm not sure I used the subjunctive correctly.

Dear Penthouse:

I am writing to you to detail the sexual experience I shared last night with my significant other (herein referred to as Ray I) and the law enforcement officer to whom I am assigned as liaison (herein referred to as Ray II). I am writing because I foolishly allowed myself to be goaded into a wager with Ray I, the terms of which were that, in the event Ray II agreed to a threesome, I would compose an account of it for your magazine. I am the first to admit it was ill-judged; I can only say in my defense that, first, I never dreamed Ray II would be so obliging, and, second, that had I won the wager, my reward would have been more than ample.

However, Ray I did not specify the level of salaciousness to which I would be required to sink, so I have chosen to elide most of the particulars. If you choose not to publish my letter on that account, I shall certainly understand.

On the evening in question (last night), I had forgotten all about this unfortunate wager, which I had, in any case, regarded in the light of a tasteless joke. I returned home to find Rays I and II seated on the couch, watching a game of baseball on the television. Both were in a state of mild intoxication. I greeted them politely and was about to repair to the kitchen to brew a pot of tea; at this point, Ray II stood and informed me that he would be more than willing to engage in sexual congress with Ray I and me, on the condition that he be restrained with one of the several pairs of handcuffs we possess between us, and furthermore that I wear a particular article of clothing (which I shall not name, as I belong to an elite policing organization and have no wish to embarrass or otherwise incur the displeasure of my superiors and fellow officers).

I agreed to these terms, and there followed a lengthy and inventive session of lovemaking, the details of which I shall leave to your imagination. I support this technique in writing of all kinds, as I believe that, in general, the imagination of the reader will provide images that are far more engaging than those that really occurred or that existed in the mind of the writer. In this particular instance, I am forced to conclude that that would be impossible; nevertheless, discretion and a basic sense of decency compel my silence.

However, as I have no doubt that Rays I and II will insist on reading this before I send it, I would like to add: (1) that I would not be averse to repeating the experience, in fact quite the opposite; (2) that I am continually impressed by the new and stimulating uses to which Ray I puts the most basic of foodstuffs; and (3) that Ray II's skills in fellatio have set a new standard to which I shall, in future, endeavor to hold myself.

Yours,
Contented in Chicago