[09 Jul 2009|06:27pm] __purple_sky__ [ mood | blah ] There's nothing like something stupid happening to remind you of how fat you still are. Any normal person would have blamed the swing breaking on the bad hooks that were too weak. But me? No it's because i'm still 300 fucking pounds. It's because I fail. My leg hurts and I feel like shit right now. Keep It Simple ☆※☆※☆※☆

why? [08 Jul 2009|12:21pm] __purple_sky__ [ music | --- ] I don't understand this. It seems like whenever it's "that time of the month" I turn into a bottomless pit of food consumption. How am I supposed to lose weight when 2 weeks out of every month I just want to eat everything. And it's not that I don't have will power. I do and I avoid what I can as much as I can but no one is a saint. no one can resist temptation all the time right? By the way I hate holidays because they always throw me off track. Ugh. I'm hoping to start working on things this next week again. Heregoesnothing. Keep It Simple ☆※☆※☆※☆

[27 Jun 2009|01:44pm] __purple_sky__ [ mood | ecstatic ] [ music | Owl City - Super Honeymoon | Powered by Last.fm ] I WENT DOWN FROM A 24 TO A SIZE 20! [and the occasional 22] I AM SO DAMN HAPPY! YOU HAVE NO IDEA! HOLY CRAP! [ 2 ] Taking It Easy × Keep It Simple ☆※☆※☆※☆

[18 Jun 2009|11:33am] __purple_sky__ [ mood | sore ] [ music | Mae - The Ocean ] So... I had pie. and cookies. yesterday. I won't apologize for it. So yeah, I really did have a piece of peanut butter pie and like 5 cookies yesterday. Whatever I'm over it. My uterus was hurting and it needed some chocolate/peanut butter therapy. XD Today is better though. Uterus still hurts but I'm good on the pie and cookies. [ 2 ] Taking It Easy × Keep It Simple ☆※☆※☆※☆

Pull it together. [14 Jun 2009|09:58pm] __purple_sky__ [ mood | blank ] [ music | ANTM ] So, the other day I was told by a doctor that I was morbidly obese like 12 times. Not even kidding it was like 12 times rapid fire. I was also told that I had to do something drastic otherwise my health issues will become very serious. Of course in order to deal with this I went on an eating binge. Good job me, way to handle your situation. O Hai, yer gunna dai lol! K! fud tiemz nao? Way to go me. Way to go. But, I'm gonna try. I'm gonna work on it, I have a friend who wants to help, and with my phone readily at hand it's easier to update with my food intake. I've been doing it all day. It's not public but it's there for me. Which is good. I just need to keep this up. And I really need to do this. But I'm scared. I'm totally freaked out. It's not like I haven't tried. It's not like I've not lost and gained weight back all my life. And the fact that there is a huge goal this time. There's always a huge goal, but this is looming. This is BIG. This is scary. I wish I could break it down in my brain. Instead of it being 200 pounds, if I could get my brain to say okay just 10 pounds just 2 pounds just... less and less and just let it add up. But my brain isn't wired to work like that I don't think. I think I'm just way to stuck into self sabotage. I wish there were a way to rewire my head sometimes. Anyway, I'm scared but I'm trying. [ 4 ] Taking It Easy × Keep It Simple ☆※☆※☆※☆

It's been a while. [03 Mar 2009|08:12pm] __purple_sky__ [ mood | blank ] [ music | Ruu playing Piano ] I feel awful. I'm getting into that loathing phase again. I know that at the moment I'm really bloated, and I understand that. I understand that that makes me feel worse. But aside from that. I think I stopped trying for a while. I think about it, but I just stopped trying. I stopped updating, I stopped thinking about it so much. Fail. haha. no. I got some good advice from a friend this weekend that I'm going to have to try. It may not be huge but it will help I'm sure. I need a regular schedule. Of eating, or whatever, just in general in life. I need a better eating schedule, a better sleep schedule definitely, and maybe a better excercise schedule. I think it would be easier if I didn't feel like I was doing this on my own. If I had a friend around who would keep my ass in gear. Any volunteers? Maybe I really should start writing down what I eat. I've heard that helps. So here's what I've had today. a couple of handfuls of chex mix, and a bowl of chicken fettuccini from olive garden. mm. Go me. Keep It Simple ☆※☆※☆※☆

Welcome back. [06 Oct 2008|09:28am] __purple_sky__ [ mood | ditzy ] Wow I'm aweful at keeping up with this. I'll admit it, I had a lull for a while there. I didn't update, and I didn't do anything. Litereally nothing. I had no motivation to try and do anything. Until a little over a month ago. Let me tell you a little story. For a long time I was addicted to caffeine and soda. It got to the point that I was taking 2 or 3 cans of soda with me every time I went to get something to drink. Sometimes I would take the whole box with me back to my room if I felt like it. Then there was a point in time when my family ran out of soda. I think it was for like 2 days or something like that. We just didn't have any, and I felt horrible! I was so light headed I felt faint all the time, I had huge headaches, I was grumpy and just not happy at all. I couldn't figure out why though, and then we had soda again, and I had 1 can and I was fine. Can you say caffeine addiction? So I stopped. I realized that I didn't want to be dependant on soda anymore. Aside from it being really bad for you anyway, I just didn't want to have to feel like crap every time we ran out, and I also didn't want to be bringing 3 or 4 cans of it with me when I was thirsty. So, I've mostly stopped drinking soda. I drink Sprite at the moment but not as much as I used to. I've started drinking water more. which is good. I feel better too. I don't drink as much because I don't feel as thirsty all the time. [that sounds weird but I would go through cans of soda so fast. You have no idea.] Also, because of my new job, I eat breakfast in the moring. I eat 3 regular meals. And I just feel better. I don't have a scale to regularly. weigh myself, but that's okay because right now I'm just going by feeling. So I think I'm doing pretty good. Keep It Simple ☆※☆※☆※☆

No I've not forgotten. [07 Jun 2008|09:58am] __purple_sky__ [ mood | embarrassed ] [ music | Summer time rave [in my head] ] It's been exactly a month since my birthday. It's kind of funny how things work. I'm most positive that I met my goal for my birthday. However, I'm also most positive that I've gained it all back if not more in this last month. It's unfortunate but I don't want to give up. What would I gain from giving up? Hmm, lets see, a shorter life, bigger clothes, unhappiness, many many many physical health problems, and probably a few mental health problems. I don't want all that, I already have that, it's time to get rid of it. This last month has been so very very stressful, and I'm an emotional eater. I eat because I feel constantly hungry. Even when I'm full I still feel hungry, so I keep eating. It's an awful, awful thing to deal with. So I'm trying again. I have no specific weight loss goal this time. I just want to find a new way to deal with my stress. It might help also if we got some food in this house, so I could stop eating out so much. eugh. [ 2 ] Taking It Easy × Keep It Simple ☆※☆※☆※☆

Too Much Information. [29 Apr 2008|11:58pm] __purple_sky__ [ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | The Cab - Take my hand [in my head] ] I'm going to cut this because it will probably contain too much information. read at your own risk I guess. ( I have... ) [ 8 ] Taking It Easy × Keep It Simple ☆※☆※☆※☆

Keeping up [23 Apr 2008|11:31am] __purple_sky__ [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | PATD - Mad as rabbits ] So, I'm not diabetic, which is fabulous, I am borderline anemic which is bad. But that explains my lack of energy and being way too tired. I've been taking little walks a lot. Just enough to I dunno.. make me not feel so bad. When I went to the doctor I had lost 6 pounds. But I still won't know how much in total until my birthday. I didn't go walking with my mom this morning. I couldn't take her saying that she wants me to be her hero. But I guess the truth is I'm afraid to be hers, because she's so much of mine. I look up to her. Aside from that, I'm really flipping tired. Really. [ 5 ] Taking It Easy × Keep It Simple ☆※☆※☆※☆

[14 Apr 2008|11:15pm] __purple_sky__ [ mood | sad ] [ music | Piano Tribute to FOB - 7 minutes in heaven ] So, I've let what someone said to me really get me. I'm feeling the cracks in my psyche pulling apart. Everytime I do something that would be considered "bad" I just keep thinking that they're fucking right. That I can't do this. I promised I wouldn't beat myself up, and I'm not really, I'm just so afraid to fail now. I have to make an appointment with my doctor again, because they had some concerns with my blood work. That's scares the piss out of me. I can't fail this time. I'm doing this, because I'm tired being being unhealthy, but at the moment it's all that I know. I don't know good habits, and I don't know how to stop myself. But I'm trying to learn. I want to learn. I want to change. I want to be healthy, and for the love of hide I want to be beautiful to myself. That shouldn't be too much to ask right? So, I'm not doing this for you. I'm not going to let you control me with your hurtful words. This is my shit, and it's all together and out there. Bit by bit it's falling into place. And I swear to god I'll show you. Keep It Simple ☆※☆※☆※☆

A set back... [09 Apr 2008|11:24pm] __purple_sky__ [ mood | determined ] [ music | Ghost Hunters ] This early in the game, not good. I had a bad day today. I didn't walk today, I slept, and I ate things I shouldn't have. But again I'm not going to beat myself up over it. I'm going to do better tomorrow. I did something productive today still, and that is helpful with my over all mental state, which is good. I got a message this morning, from someone close to me. It made me sad, and I cried a little bit. And I really let it get me down when I shouldn't have. I think, I need to take this time to prove them wrong, and it's taken a day to figure out that that's what I need to do, instead of moping. So, I'll prove not only to myself but to everyone else that I can do this. I'm not giving up this time. Don't let me give up this time. Keep It Simple ☆※☆※☆※☆

Reasoning. [08 Apr 2008|09:18pm] __purple_sky__ [ mood | content ] [ music | Fall out boy in the other room. ] So, Today I went to the doctor. Part of this whole wake up call was what happened friday when I thought I was having a heart attack. Turns out it was just a panic attack, but that's pretty bad too. Another part was the other day when I went to hang out with Lucy and Olivia. I know that I've always wanted children, but as I was sitting there watching the two of them, I realized that it might not happen for me. I might not make it to that point if I don't do something. God that's an awful feeling. So I went to the doctor today, and I weigh 335lbs. See what I mean? If I just don't do anything, how awful will that be? How much am I cutting my life short? I'm only 21 years old! I can't wrap my brain around how I got this far! It's crazy! I know that I can't be good all the time, I just ate pizza and chips for dinner. But I'm not going to beat myself up over that. I'm not going to be controlled by that. I've let that control me far too much. Instead, I have a few things to be proud of. I finished off those last three minutes on the eliptical when all I wanted to do was give up. I finished off those 10 extra crunches that I just didn't want to do. I pushed myself a little. And I should be proud of that. I want to say thank you to everyone's encouraging words so far. Thank you all very much. ♥ Oh I want to make mention that I had an ECG today, and it turned out fine. Which seems strange to me, because I'd think there would be something wrong with all this weight I'm carrying around. But it's a blessing right? I mean, shouldn't complain that there isn't something wrong with me. Haha. [ 2 ] Taking It Easy × Keep It Simple ☆※☆※☆※☆

Video 2 [work out] [08 Apr 2008|04:14pm] __purple_sky__ [ mood | groggy ] [ music | We the kings - Don't speak liar [in my head] ] I took this before working out, it cut off before I was finished, but at least I got it in 1 take this time. *grumbles* I worked out for about an hour today. My thighs hurt and so do my abs. I love doing crunches on the pilates ball though. When I got home I made myself a ( little snack. ) I went to the doctor today too but I'll post something about that later. Tomorrow I think I'm going to go to a kick boxing class. Here's hoping it doesn't kill me. [ 2 ] Taking It Easy × Keep It Simple ☆※☆※☆※☆

The Layout [08 Apr 2008|02:11pm] __purple_sky__ [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | Vicky-T - Dying ] So, I hate default LJ layouts. And, I needed this to be personalized right? So I chose Vicky-T. When I was originally thinking this up, I was thinking I'd maybe have a layout of myself or something, or fall on my favorite default layout of Kyo, but this is different, so the layout should be different right? I chose Vicky-t, because I think she's beautiful, and if I could, I'd look like her. She's fabulous what more can I say? Photographed by Veronica Chanel, and taken with permission from her Myspace. Keep It Simple ☆※☆※☆※☆

Video 1 [introduction] [07 Apr 2008|02:23pm] __purple_sky__ [ mood | full ] [ music | TRUCKS ] Keep It Simple ☆※☆※☆※☆

Day 1 [Welcome] [07 Apr 2008|11:55am] __purple_sky__ [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | Silent hill - Red Pyramids ] So this is day 1, and here's what's going on. I have 1 month to lose 10 pounds. I know I know, it doesn't seem like a lot, or that big of a deal, but trust me it is. I will be 22 in exactly one month, and hopefully at least 10 pounds lighter. "A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." -Lao Tzu. I'll be posting videos, and pictures as well as writings. I'm doing this in an effort to encourage myself, and also hopefully to inspire others. So, this is it, the journey begins here. [ 4 ] Taking It Easy × Keep It Simple ☆※☆※☆※☆

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ]