Non Challenge drabble

Title The Expenses Scandal

Points The Patrician

Word Count 100

The Patrician put down the Ankh Morpork Times

“Press freedom is an interesting concept Drumknott, but it gets boring reading all the details of our spending.”

“Indeed, do you wish me to summon Commander Vimes to Deal with it”

“No Drumknott I do not think it is necessary”

“Very good you lordship. The extra Scorpions for the pit have arrived. The invoice is here for you to sign”

“Very good. One last thing Drumknott.”

“Yes your Lordship”

“ We should encourage a fearless press. Do not do anything to prevent a copy of this invoice being found by The Times”

Title: Any Way You Can
Prompt: Sergeant Jackrum
Words: 100
Points: The Witches

Maladict clutched the tin mug with both hands, fingers white with the pressure and causing dints in the surface. Igor ran the thread in and out along the jagged wound.

Sergeant Jackrum entered the tent, strode to the cot and prised the mug from maladict’s fingers, replacing it with a bottle of red, already opened. “Trust me,” he said. “You need it.”

Polly frowned “You said we’d get through this.”

Jackrum held the tin mug, avoiding her eyes. He stared into the depths of the black liquid. “You get by any way you can. I never claimed it was easy.”

Dibbler 1
The Witches 17
The Wizards 4
The Sunshine Sanctuary for Sick Dragons 17
The Patrician 1
The Watch 21
Nac Mac Feegle 1
The Times 1

Okay - let's try something new here. As suggested by deathbyshinies , let's have an open prompt week. So, may I introduce Sergeant Jackrum from Monstrous Regiment. Drabbles anything to do with them, please.
If you haven't read Monstrous Regiment, uh, feel free to write a drabble about whatever you choose, I haven't thought this out very well...

Title: 'Course, we wouldn't have even tried if it hadn't fallen over
Prompt: Running Screaming at People While Drunk and Trying to Cut Their Knees off (charge no. 23)
Words: 100
Points: Wizards

Colon stared at the prisoner. He wasn’t sure which question to ask first.
“What exactly had it done wrong?” he asked, finally.
“We arrested it on a twenny-free, sarge.”
“A twenty-three?”
”Yeah.”
He stared some more.
The constable tried to fill the silence.
“I know it ent quite right, but we don’t ‘ave a number for Jumpin’ In A Barrel Of Beer then Runnin’ Around, Kickin’ People Wiv Ten Legs At A Time, Swallowin’ Whole Five Of The Buggers Too Stunned To Get Up an’ then Fallin’ Over Itself.”

In the cell, the Luggage opened its lid and grinned, drunkenly.

Title:  The same result anyway
Prompt: Running Screaming at People While Drunk, Trying to Cut Their Knees Off (Charge 23)
Words: 100
Points: The Watch

Hi - been watching a while, but first post.  *waves*

“My client, will of course, deny the charges, Commander.” Slant paused for effect: Vimes jumped in.

“Deny them?  Your client caused three thousand dollars worth damage to the palace gardens.  Trees & bushes totally hacked to pieces.  How does your client intend to deny that?”

“Mr Jawbreakerson, whilst under a chemically altered state of sobriety, was of the understanding that the aforementioned topiary was in fact of the troll persuasion and being abusive.  My client reacted to the matter in an ethnically acceptable manner.”

                                                     *          *          *

“Book ‘im anyway, Nobby.”  Vimes countermanded.  “Charge 23; not like it makes any difference to us.”

Title: Unusual Suspect
Prompt: Running Screaming at People While Drunk and Trying to Cut Their Knees off (charge no. 23)
Words: 100
Points: Sunshine Sanctuary



Once sober, the remorseful offender had been more than willing to be escorted home by Nobby, muffling pained hangover sobs and profuse apologies alike in a hanky. It was all right. It wasn't as if anyone's knees had actually been cut off. The sword wasn't even dented.

Colon was laboriously writing the report up when Nobby got back to the Watch House.

'Chuck that out,' Nobby said, fishing in the biscuit tin.

With a look of profound relief, Colon did so. 'Didn't fancy showing Vimesy that charge sheet.'

'If that was the hen's night, how's he gonna survive the honeymoon?'

Title: S’an Empty Barrel Now *Hic*
Prompt: Running Screaming at People While Drunk and Trying to Cut Their Knees off (charge no. 23)
Words: 100
Points: The Witches


Sergeant Colon stopped Corporal Nobbs on his way into the cells with a barrel of Sven Ironfoundersson’s ‘”Black Ale Doubled And Single Shot”.

“Nobby?” he said. “What you doing with that?”

“I’ve arrested it, Fred,” said Nobby, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. “On a number 23.”

“Meat curry and bread?”

“Charge number 23.”

“’Running Screaming at People While Drunk and Trying to Cut Their Knees off’? That’s not a criminal charge, Nobby?”

“It isn’t? How about ‘Attempting to get an Officer of the Watch drunk'?”

“When did it do that?”

“Give me half an hour Sarge.”

Dibbler 1
The Witches 16
The Wizards 3
The Sunshine Sanctuary for Sick Dragons 16
The Patrician 1
The Watch 20
Nac Mac Feegle 1
The Times 1

Sorry for the lateness of this - spent Easter running around after other people's children, and had no internet access.
New prompt: Running Screaming at People While Drunk and Trying to Cut Their Knees off (charge no. 23) (from vivatdraco )
Had to use this one. vivatdraco , I think I love you. *g*

TItle: But Of Course, They Were Made For Something (Even If Vimes Will Insist On Ruining The Fun)
Prompt: boots
Words: 100
Points: the Watch

(This makes little sense unless you realize that I am jumping up and down on the bandwagon begun by laurenmitchell 's drabble.)

Vimes arrived at the station in Clue-hunting mode, which was why he noticed the new doorstop and paused to ask why Cheery was visible over the tabletop when the box she stood on usually was, well, door-stopping.

"Look down."

Vimes did, and immediately regretted it.

"We've been getting complaints about my knees, because there's no desk-front," she mumbled. "Nobby suggested... these."

"I see," he managed. "Nobby, eh? Well done, that... man."

He fled to his office. Angua staggered in after him.

"So... blue..."

"Know where to get a reception desk this late, sergeant? One with a vanity panel?"

"Yes, sir!"

Title: Not Made For Mucking Out Dragons Pens Either
Prompt: Boots
Words: 100
Points: The Watch

(I think it's important for everyone to know that this drabble is laurenmitchell and her drabble Decidedly Not Made For Proceeding's fault.)

Vimes stared at Sybil’s new boots trying very hard to keep his expression blank. 

“You don’t like them?” She asked in that special wife tone that means ‘how dare you not like them?’ 

He tried to think. This particular pair of boots just begged too many questions like ‘how did they get them that color?’ and ‘what on the Disc possessed you to buy them?’ 

“It’s not that… They’re just…” He hesitated. “Why did you…” 

Sybil looked down timidly. “I just thought they looked interesting. I got them to… spice things up, you know?” 

Vimes sighed. Spice things up, right.