I've been thinking about this for days. However highly I regard Ms Mirren as an actress, as an experienced rape crisis counsellor I find her comments on so-called 'date rape' in a recent GQ magazine deeply disturbing. In the Guardian on Tuesday 2 September, I read the following article with which I entirely agree.
( Read article )
( Read article )
This morning I am grateful for & to - The Postman!
He did bring presents! My beret has arrived! I adore berets. They are the most wearable, useful items of headwear. And so chic! The one I've been wearing for the last couple of years is palest pink. Very pretty & adorned with a tiny dragonfly pin. I decided I wanted a darker coloured one, found a UK company & ordered one last week. It is French (Fabrique en France et Impermeable) dark plum coloured & pure laine. What else? *Gallic shrug* I am in love. Winter? Bring it on, frankly!
And my ISBN numbers have arrived! Deep joy - there is now absolutely no excuse. I shall contact the printer on Monday morning. Do it afraid!
He did bring presents! My beret has arrived! I adore berets. They are the most wearable, useful items of headwear. And so chic! The one I've been wearing for the last couple of years is palest pink. Very pretty & adorned with a tiny dragonfly pin. I decided I wanted a darker coloured one, found a UK company & ordered one last week. It is French (Fabrique en France et Impermeable) dark plum coloured & pure laine. What else? *Gallic shrug* I am in love. Winter? Bring it on, frankly!
And my ISBN numbers have arrived! Deep joy - there is now absolutely no excuse. I shall contact the printer on Monday morning. Do it afraid!
- Mood:
moose shooting?
Today, I did something for myself that I've wanted for a long time: I got my ears pierced.
I know, it's just a little thing, but it pleases me.
I know, it's just a little thing, but it pleases me.
- Mood:
sleepy
Choices are wonderful things aren't they? It has been asked by people new to this country, though, why do we need 20 brands of toothpaste? The first chapter of "The Paradox of Choice" by Barry Schwartz is titled 'Let's go Shopping' and covers this very issue:
85 brands and varieties of crackers
285 varieties of cookies
13 sports drinks
75 iced teas and adult drinks
61 varieties of suntan oil and sunblock
80 different pain reliever permutations
230 different soups
and so on.
He goes on to say: "Americans spend more time shopping than the members of any other society. Americans go to shopping centers about once a week, more often than they go to houses of worship, and Americans now have more shopping centers than high schools. In a recent survey, 93% of teenage girls surveyed said that shopping was their favorite activity. Matgure women also say they like shopping, but working women say that shopping is a hassle, as do most men. When asked to rank the pleasure they get from various activities, grocery shopping ranks next to last, and other shopping fifth from the bottom. And the trend over recent years is downward. Apparently, people are shopping more now but enjoying it less."
Our shopping habits have been studied, I suspect by those people who want to try and get us to buy more of their stuff than the other guy's. So how do we choose? You would think that the many choices would be of great interest to people who want to find the 'best' or the 'cheapest' and the options would just be ignored by people who don't care or who are pressed for time. But what seems logical doesn't bear out in studies: if you do a taste-test of something that comes in a multitude of flavors, for example, you don't want to put them all out. No, you need to structure your tasting station with just a few of the flavors if your purpose is to induce sales. A smaller array of choices works better than putting out the entire selection is shown in several consumer studies cited by the author. People go into overload with too many choices.
Anyway, that is how the book begins: it is full of the results of studies which show, time and again, that we don't react to lots of choices in the ways that "common sense" would dictate. So we want the very "best" or do we make do? Do we set up criteria and goals to guide our decisions, endlessly looking for the most satisfactory choice.
To jump to something of current importance, though, will the things and experiences we expect to make us happy actually do so and will that sense of satisfaction have a lasting benefit? What researchers have found is that we adapt: we feel so good when we come in from the heat of the day to an air-conditioned space but, after awhile, we don't notice it any more, no longer deriving that good feeling from it. This seems to happen with a lot of experiences, from new jobs to marriages to promotions. It was noted that the bad feeling of getting an adverse experience: a poor medical diagnosis, not getting an anticipated position, are also adapted to with time: the negative feeling doesn't last.
"So the more choices we have, the more effort goes into our decisions, and the more we expect to enjoy the benefits of those decisions. Adaptation, by dramatically truncating the duration of those benefits, puts us into a state of mind where the result just wasn't worth the effort. The more we invest in a decision, the more we expect to realize from our investment. And adaptation makes agonizing over decisions a bad investment."
Perhaps I could say that not having so many choices may lead to less dissatisfaction: if it doesn't work out it wasn't your fault, for example. But the bounty of choices has not made us any happier: we spend too much time on trying to make the best choice. So how do we mitigate this "adaptation" process which seems to dampen our long-term happiness with the decisions we make? Schwartz suggests that we be grateful for what we have: those people who practice gratitude are happier, more optimistic and just generally stay on track - they don't agonize over getting the best possible. At a certain point allow yourself to be satisfied and focus on how good things are rather than on what 'could have been.'
It sort of sounds like a prescription for a 'half full' glass.
85 brands and varieties of crackers
285 varieties of cookies
13 sports drinks
75 iced teas and adult drinks
61 varieties of suntan oil and sunblock
80 different pain reliever permutations
230 different soups
and so on.
He goes on to say: "Americans spend more time shopping than the members of any other society. Americans go to shopping centers about once a week, more often than they go to houses of worship, and Americans now have more shopping centers than high schools. In a recent survey, 93% of teenage girls surveyed said that shopping was their favorite activity. Matgure women also say they like shopping, but working women say that shopping is a hassle, as do most men. When asked to rank the pleasure they get from various activities, grocery shopping ranks next to last, and other shopping fifth from the bottom. And the trend over recent years is downward. Apparently, people are shopping more now but enjoying it less."
Our shopping habits have been studied, I suspect by those people who want to try and get us to buy more of their stuff than the other guy's. So how do we choose? You would think that the many choices would be of great interest to people who want to find the 'best' or the 'cheapest' and the options would just be ignored by people who don't care or who are pressed for time. But what seems logical doesn't bear out in studies: if you do a taste-test of something that comes in a multitude of flavors, for example, you don't want to put them all out. No, you need to structure your tasting station with just a few of the flavors if your purpose is to induce sales. A smaller array of choices works better than putting out the entire selection is shown in several consumer studies cited by the author. People go into overload with too many choices.
Anyway, that is how the book begins: it is full of the results of studies which show, time and again, that we don't react to lots of choices in the ways that "common sense" would dictate. So we want the very "best" or do we make do? Do we set up criteria and goals to guide our decisions, endlessly looking for the most satisfactory choice.
To jump to something of current importance, though, will the things and experiences we expect to make us happy actually do so and will that sense of satisfaction have a lasting benefit? What researchers have found is that we adapt: we feel so good when we come in from the heat of the day to an air-conditioned space but, after awhile, we don't notice it any more, no longer deriving that good feeling from it. This seems to happen with a lot of experiences, from new jobs to marriages to promotions. It was noted that the bad feeling of getting an adverse experience: a poor medical diagnosis, not getting an anticipated position, are also adapted to with time: the negative feeling doesn't last.
"So the more choices we have, the more effort goes into our decisions, and the more we expect to enjoy the benefits of those decisions. Adaptation, by dramatically truncating the duration of those benefits, puts us into a state of mind where the result just wasn't worth the effort. The more we invest in a decision, the more we expect to realize from our investment. And adaptation makes agonizing over decisions a bad investment."
Perhaps I could say that not having so many choices may lead to less dissatisfaction: if it doesn't work out it wasn't your fault, for example. But the bounty of choices has not made us any happier: we spend too much time on trying to make the best choice. So how do we mitigate this "adaptation" process which seems to dampen our long-term happiness with the decisions we make? Schwartz suggests that we be grateful for what we have: those people who practice gratitude are happier, more optimistic and just generally stay on track - they don't agonize over getting the best possible. At a certain point allow yourself to be satisfied and focus on how good things are rather than on what 'could have been.'
It sort of sounds like a prescription for a 'half full' glass.
- Mood:
thoughtful
This one isn't scary so read on!
The other day I got a forwarded email from a friend, containing a quote purportedly from Theodore Roosevelt, on the topic of immigration. The quote was actually appropriately attributed, just inaccurate in the details, as shown here:
http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/r/r
Yes, I do look this stuff up - the vast majority of stuff emailed around the internet is false. But Roosevelt's stance has nothing to do with today's Spanish-speaking immigrants. Having read the Wikipedia article on Roosevelt, looking for events which would have inspired the quote, I am thinking that this passage is pertinent:
"Roosevelt angrily complained about the foreign policy of President Wilson, calling it "weak." This caused him to develop an intense dislike for Woodrow Wilson. When World War I began in 1914, Roosevelt strongly supported the Allies of World War I and demanded a harsher policy against Germany, especially regarding submarine warfare. In 1916, he campaigned energetically for Charles Evans Hughes and repeatedly denounced Irish-Americans and German-Americans who Roosevelt said were unpatriotic because they put the interest of Ireland and Germany ahead of America's by supporting neutrality. He insisted one had to be 100% American, not a "hyphenated American" who juggled multiple loyalties."
So we have the context of a major wartime to put the quotation in though it should be noted that the remarks were made sometime later than those referenced in the Wikipedia article. Can I say that the quote is being used for a different purpose in a different context and not offend anyone?
I would also point out a more personal reason to be less than thrilled with receiving the email: my own Great- and Great-great-grandparents came over from Scandanavia and Denmark in the time not too long before the First World War or in the decade following it. They assimilated very well, anglicizing their names and essentially giving up their culture. I am conflicted about, on the one hand, being an American, but also being able to still talk to someone who remembers these immigrant ancestors: my Mom can occasionally be induced to talk about her Grandmother, who came over on the boat with her sister. Great-Grandmother died before I was born though my Mom still has some silver dollars given to her for my older sister's birth. There is little to reclaim now other than a connection to Norse history which many of my correspondents are aware of. You don't hear much about Scandanavian cuisine for a reason. But much of my family has not been here long - the immigrants are still remembered - and while I don't use a hyphenated cultural label I still reserve the right to be proud of a heritage in addition to being an American.
The other day I got a forwarded email from a friend, containing a quote purportedly from Theodore Roosevelt, on the topic of immigration. The quote was actually appropriately attributed, just inaccurate in the details, as shown here:
http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/r/r
Yes, I do look this stuff up - the vast majority of stuff emailed around the internet is false. But Roosevelt's stance has nothing to do with today's Spanish-speaking immigrants. Having read the Wikipedia article on Roosevelt, looking for events which would have inspired the quote, I am thinking that this passage is pertinent:
"Roosevelt angrily complained about the foreign policy of President Wilson, calling it "weak." This caused him to develop an intense dislike for Woodrow Wilson. When World War I began in 1914, Roosevelt strongly supported the Allies of World War I and demanded a harsher policy against Germany, especially regarding submarine warfare. In 1916, he campaigned energetically for Charles Evans Hughes and repeatedly denounced Irish-Americans and German-Americans who Roosevelt said were unpatriotic because they put the interest of Ireland and Germany ahead of America's by supporting neutrality. He insisted one had to be 100% American, not a "hyphenated American" who juggled multiple loyalties."
So we have the context of a major wartime to put the quotation in though it should be noted that the remarks were made sometime later than those referenced in the Wikipedia article. Can I say that the quote is being used for a different purpose in a different context and not offend anyone?
I would also point out a more personal reason to be less than thrilled with receiving the email: my own Great- and Great-great-grandparents came over from Scandanavia and Denmark in the time not too long before the First World War or in the decade following it. They assimilated very well, anglicizing their names and essentially giving up their culture. I am conflicted about, on the one hand, being an American, but also being able to still talk to someone who remembers these immigrant ancestors: my Mom can occasionally be induced to talk about her Grandmother, who came over on the boat with her sister. Great-Grandmother died before I was born though my Mom still has some silver dollars given to her for my older sister's birth. There is little to reclaim now other than a connection to Norse history which many of my correspondents are aware of. You don't hear much about Scandanavian cuisine for a reason. But much of my family has not been here long - the immigrants are still remembered - and while I don't use a hyphenated cultural label I still reserve the right to be proud of a heritage in addition to being an American.
- Mood:
calm
I had a supposed "friend" post a blog entry about me in a "super secret" blog of her own (that she thought was private yet had linked to it from her own public journal). She has said not only nasty things about me, but about another mutual friend as well.
This is what she posted about me:
"I'm a horrible person. I just read Brinn's blog, and her car was repo'ed and her cell phone was shut off and Dan's in a pissy mood, and a big ugly part of me was elated. I TOLD YOU SO!!! That's what happens when you dump your life and run from an old set of problems to a new set without any thought whatsoever. Everyone's cute for the first 6 months."
Yes, I'm posting it in my public blog because I have the right to. It was said about me and I'm not one to take things like this lightly.
First off, any of you reading this blog already knew of the situation with my car and my giving it up voluntarily to the bank. Yes, they did repo the car yesterday morning, AFTER I emailed them and told them where it was and that it was ready for them to pick up.
My cell phone was shut off yesterday as well because after switching services when I moved, I assumed that the due date stayed the same. When in fact it is now two days earlier than it used to be. After calling them, they turned my phone back on and I paid the bill. Gee, imagine that.
And wow, Dan was in a pissy mood? No, actually what I had stated in my other blog was that he was "grumpy" the other night/morning. Holy shit, I didn't know it wasn't okay for people to be grumpy from time to time. The Gods know I'm grumpy alot and hey, Dan puts up with it. Gee, imagine that yet again!
The thing that really gets me about her "I told you so" entry is that she assumes that I "dumped my life and ran from and old set of problems into a whole new set". First of all, I did LEAVE a horrible set of problems. 11 years worth of bullshit that came from my ex. A lot of you reading know of these problems in DETAIL. She however, does not. I did not RUN from anything. I finally grew the balls and left my ex after being treated with disrespect for 11 years. I'm sorry if being married to an asshole that only cared about himself disturbs anyone, but I'm not living my life for anyone else. I'm living my life for me. I put up with a lot more than most people would have. Everyone of you had told me over the years that you didn't understand why I stayed with him as long as I did. I loved him, so I played the good wife and did what I thought I should have done. But when push came to shove and the disrespect kept coming, I finally realized he was never going to change. Change into a husband and the man that a 37 year old should be. Not continuing to play hockey in another country for NO MONEY. Not someone that refused to help me pay the bills. Not someone that refused to grow up. And definitely not someone who had the audacity to spit in my face and threaten to beat me up.
I'm sorry, but I refused to continue living my life that way.
I'm NOT sorry for finding someone that loves me and respects me and treats me the way a human should be treated. I did not run into a whole new set of problems by ANY MEANS. I'm just starting over. And by doing so, I did lose my dog (because I'm in an apartment and can't keep him here), I gave up my car because the payment was outrageous, and I have no job because it takes TIME.
So to the girl that posted these things about me, all I have to say is FUCK YOU. I don't forgive and I don't forget. With "friends" like you, who needs enemies?
I've moved on with my life, and couldn't be happier with Dan. If anyone of you has a problem with that, then keep it to yourself. If you like me, then you like me for who I am, not for what you think I should be.
This is what she posted about me:
"I'm a horrible person. I just read Brinn's blog, and her car was repo'ed and her cell phone was shut off and Dan's in a pissy mood, and a big ugly part of me was elated. I TOLD YOU SO!!! That's what happens when you dump your life and run from an old set of problems to a new set without any thought whatsoever. Everyone's cute for the first 6 months."
Yes, I'm posting it in my public blog because I have the right to. It was said about me and I'm not one to take things like this lightly.
First off, any of you reading this blog already knew of the situation with my car and my giving it up voluntarily to the bank. Yes, they did repo the car yesterday morning, AFTER I emailed them and told them where it was and that it was ready for them to pick up.
My cell phone was shut off yesterday as well because after switching services when I moved, I assumed that the due date stayed the same. When in fact it is now two days earlier than it used to be. After calling them, they turned my phone back on and I paid the bill. Gee, imagine that.
And wow, Dan was in a pissy mood? No, actually what I had stated in my other blog was that he was "grumpy" the other night/morning. Holy shit, I didn't know it wasn't okay for people to be grumpy from time to time. The Gods know I'm grumpy alot and hey, Dan puts up with it. Gee, imagine that yet again!
The thing that really gets me about her "I told you so" entry is that she assumes that I "dumped my life and ran from and old set of problems into a whole new set". First of all, I did LEAVE a horrible set of problems. 11 years worth of bullshit that came from my ex. A lot of you reading know of these problems in DETAIL. She however, does not. I did not RUN from anything. I finally grew the balls and left my ex after being treated with disrespect for 11 years. I'm sorry if being married to an asshole that only cared about himself disturbs anyone, but I'm not living my life for anyone else. I'm living my life for me. I put up with a lot more than most people would have. Everyone of you had told me over the years that you didn't understand why I stayed with him as long as I did. I loved him, so I played the good wife and did what I thought I should have done. But when push came to shove and the disrespect kept coming, I finally realized he was never going to change. Change into a husband and the man that a 37 year old should be. Not continuing to play hockey in another country for NO MONEY. Not someone that refused to help me pay the bills. Not someone that refused to grow up. And definitely not someone who had the audacity to spit in my face and threaten to beat me up.
I'm sorry, but I refused to continue living my life that way.
I'm NOT sorry for finding someone that loves me and respects me and treats me the way a human should be treated. I did not run into a whole new set of problems by ANY MEANS. I'm just starting over. And by doing so, I did lose my dog (because I'm in an apartment and can't keep him here), I gave up my car because the payment was outrageous, and I have no job because it takes TIME.
So to the girl that posted these things about me, all I have to say is FUCK YOU. I don't forgive and I don't forget. With "friends" like you, who needs enemies?
I've moved on with my life, and couldn't be happier with Dan. If anyone of you has a problem with that, then keep it to yourself. If you like me, then you like me for who I am, not for what you think I should be.
- Mood:
accomplished
Florence Whitmire - my Great Grandmother died today.
- Mood:
crushed
- Mood:
creative
So glad it is Friday! It is too hot and humid for
September here. I crave the cool breezes and
fresh air of a few weeks ago.
Last night I caught some Fall art show openings
at the Chelsea galleries. It was a big opening
night and a big opening scene.... crowded and
the too be expected pretentious and overdressed
wealthy crowd of people. Saw some art that I liked
one show was of very lush, expressive oil paintings
and the smell of the paint still fresh seduced me and
inspired me to paint again. It was good to see an old
friend over some art.
Rainy weekend predicted and am ready to work on my
spiritual studies, some new creative ideas, and curl
up with a good book and coffee and my journal.
Having brain fog from sleepiness today and a busy
work day. TGIF!
September here. I crave the cool breezes and
fresh air of a few weeks ago.
Last night I caught some Fall art show openings
at the Chelsea galleries. It was a big opening
night and a big opening scene.... crowded and
the too be expected pretentious and overdressed
wealthy crowd of people. Saw some art that I liked
one show was of very lush, expressive oil paintings
and the smell of the paint still fresh seduced me and
inspired me to paint again. It was good to see an old
friend over some art.
Rainy weekend predicted and am ready to work on my
spiritual studies, some new creative ideas, and curl
up with a good book and coffee and my journal.
Having brain fog from sleepiness today and a busy
work day. TGIF!
- Mood:
sleepy
calm
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readthisandweep : Helen Mirren on Rape [+0] - readthisandweep : Gratitude Project aka "Oh My!" [+3]
- hagazusa : Lol political macros [+1]
- blessed_oak : Finally ~ [+3]
- havenne : The Paradox of Choice [+0]
- havenne : More on emails [+0]
- magickalme : I'm not finished yet... [+7]
- fey_spirit : It's Done [+8]
- greenraven : Writer's Block: Sharing Haikus [+3]
- lavendarbloom : Friday and Rain on the Way [+0]
- dragonflower9 : Quote for the Day... [+0]
- fey_spirit : Semi Daily [+3]
- seaivy : Writer's Block: Sharing Haikus [+1]
- seaivy : haiku [+2]
- readthisandweep : Writer's Block: Sharing Haikus [+4]