Current mood:

bitchy

Alas for Denethor...
To complete my troika of father sues, I bring you this. Alas for Denethor. Alas for Minas Tirith, actually.

Story Or Series Title: ByeBye Denethor
Fandom: Lord Of The Meanies
Culprit Author's Name: elfluvr777 (Oh dear.)
Summary "It started out as a simple "kill Denethor" plot, but now, Melissa and Joy have moved on to bigger goals, like controling Minas Tirith. How much trouble could two girls cause? Middle Earth is about to find out." There. Are. No. Words.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Melissa and Joy.
Hair Color (include adjectives): None given.
Eye Color (include adjectives): None given.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None mentioned
Special Possessions (if any): Wait for this one: a car.
Annoying Origin: Modern Earth, most likely America. Despite the use of the word 'bloody', the writing leads to me to believe the author's are American, ergo the characters are American.
Other Annoying Traits: Running away with the army. Paraphrasing the movie. Running. Calling Denethor a squirrel. Really. It tries to be funny, and fails.

In Which Denethor Gets Run Over. Well, I want to know how they got a car up the seven levels of Minas Tirith, personally.

"So, in other words, today's the day Denethor would have burned himself anyway?"
"Yep. Flaming squirrel effect!"
"Good. I don't want to change the plotline too much," I murmured.
Soon, we had reached the top circle of the city. Joy saw him first, "He's already got Faramir ready to be burned! We have to stop him!"
"Wish me luck," I glowered at the Steward. I hurriedly steered the car so that we were headed in a straight line for him and pressed the accelerator to the floor. We shot across the courtyard, filling it with our maniacal laughter. Denethor look up at us and screamed. Like a girl of course. This only made us laugh more. He took of running, us gaining on him every second. (Obviously as we were in a car and he was on foot and in a disgusting robe.) We were quickly reaching the end of the courtyard thing when Denethor gave one last terrified look back at us and threw himself over the edge. "Bye-bye," Joy and I called together. I turned the car around quickly and let it skid against the wall, slowing it to a stop. Joy and I hopped out and looked around at the White City.

In Which They Insult Gandalf And Take Over Minas Tirith. Sporks at the ready, ladies and gents.

"Shut the gates and don't open them again until one of us tells you too!" I yelled at a citadel guard as I ran up to the gate, Joy on my heels. "We are taking control of the city until Faramir gets better."

"What about Gandalf?" the guard asked.

'Good. He doesn't know about Aragorn yet,' I saw Joy talking to the other guard out of the corner of my eye. "Gandalf is old and senile. He has no idea what he's talking about," I waved my hands around. "Lady Eowyn and a halfling have already been brought in to be healed, right?" I didn't want either one of them to die because we were being weird.

"Yes. A few minutes before you arrived," he answered, his dark eyes watching me warily.

"Okay. Well, uh, open the gates in an hour, or half an hour, or whenever Joy," i motioned to her, "tells you to open them." The guard nodded. "Joy, I'm going somewhere, um, let's say, safer."

She nodded, "Aragorn's wrath will be terrible. His retribution swift"

I grinned and headed off towards a higher level of the city. There was nowhere I could hide and feel safe. My clothing made me stand out too much. I smirked, spotting a boy who looked like the guard I had been talking to earlier. "Hey! You! Are you one of the guard's sons?" "Yes," he walked over to me, confused. "Can I help you?"
"Do you know where I can find the armor of an esquire to fit me?" A plan was forming in my mind.
"Why, milady?"
"I fell far too out of place in my own clothes and a skirt or dress would be uncomfortable."
"Whom are you hiding from?" he smiled.
I liked this kid, "The future king of Gondor and the White Wizard. Oh, and their friends."
"How much time do you have to change?"
"A while. Does your father work at the gates?"
"Yes. He is on duty there now."
"He has them locked out under our orders currently."
"Our?"
"My friend, Joy, and I. I'm Melissa," I held out my hand.
He shook it, "Guiron. Follow me."

In Which Melissa Is Suddenly Best Buds With Legolas. That's a new one. *rolls eyes*

The Black gate loomed ahead of us. I moved my horse closer to Legolas's and pulled Gimli onto it. I thrust my reins into his hands and took his place behind the Elf. Legolas looked back at me and rolled his eyes.
"He's a warrior. He needs his own horse," I defended my actions.
"I am sure," I was unaware Elves could be sarcastic.
"And I don't know how to fight," I whimpered.
"Ai Elbereth Gilthoniel."
"Yeah. I agree. Eru help us."
"Be quiet."
"Gotcha."
".........."
"Shutting up."
You know what happened after that. The Black Gate opened. Every orc in Mordor surrounded us. I randomly slashed at things. Of course by this point, we weren't on the horse.
"This isn't cool!" I screamed. I was totally surrounded by orcs, cut off from everyone else.
Behind me, several orcs keeled over. Someone grabbed my arm and pulled out. "I thought I told you to stay next to me," Legolas sounded agitated. He looked agitated too.
I gazed up at him, "I love you."
"I am sure you do."
"Protect me from the ugly things, Elf-boy."
"Yes, milady."
And so begin the love-hate relationship of me and Elf-boy. (And what I mean by that is, we became friends. Umm..kinda, anyway.)
"The Eagles!" Gandalf's cry broke through our happy conversation. "The Eagles!"
"Damnit, Gandalf! You destroyed the moment!"
And then..the world went black.

What's also a worthwhile looksee are the reviews. My personal favourite is this: THAT WAS GRATE! Update soon ^__^ Wow. Deep, man, deep.

And so ends the Father Sue era. I shall find a new theme soon, it's strangely refreshing looking for particular Sues...