LITTLE MISS MARY, Part One, Chapter One

Ok. Deleterians? This is not going to be pretty. If you retain ANY sanity, turn back now. This is worse than Celebrian or Subjugation. All credit for the original spork goes to </span></a>lookninjas</span> …

 

LITTLE MISS MARY

 

Story or Series Title: Little Miss Mary  

Fandom: …Maybe if Lu Aza did Harry Potter…

Culprit Author's Name: Athea
Full Name: Harry “Little Miss Mary” Potter; Severus “Uncle John (Aberforce)” Snape
Full Species: Horrifying pedophilic fantasy, and that’s insulting pedophiles; pedophile

Hair Color (Include Adjectives): “dark” “silken strands”, in “ringlets down to his shoulders”; “dark” hair all over the place. And I mean ALL over the place.

Eye Color (Include Adjectives): “lustrous green eyes”; Canon… I think. Whee, canon.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: The scar, lipstick later on… ; …I don’t know. And I really didn’t care to look.

Special Possessions: …Where do I start? Lots of girly, frilly clothes, a butt-plug (NO, I AM NOT JOKING), a bidet, a uterus later on, and excuse me, my brain just broke; a druid-manor-thingy (although even Rose Potter refuses to associate herself with this story), a secondary job as a painter, a Wizard’s Guide to Gay Sex (AM NOT JOKING), and there went my mind. GAAAAAAAH!
Annoying Origin: Even the author doesn’t know. My guess is… um… a really, really SICK fantasy that should have remained in the deepest corners of this author’s mind. UNTIL DEATH.

Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: …Canon-rape to equal Celebrian. That is all.

Annoying Special Abilities: Telepathy, druid magic, PWNing Voldemort through MAJICK SEXXORS (Anita Blake also wishes to disassociate herself from this fic), manipulating “ley lines”… Harry later gets the ability to be knocked up… I tell you, perhaps you should turn back now.

Other Annoying Traits: …JUST READ IT. DX

 

Nergal the Sane: For some reason, that “Roy” boy came tearing out of the spork-room with his friends, and they were all screaming “CHILD MOLESTER!!!!!!!!!”. Well. Couldn’t have been too perverse, correct?

Ninis: …If Dark Magic… was not involved…

Nergal the Sane: I don’t believe it was. So, let us spork…

Nergal the Insane: *warps in* *puts icepack on head* How awful could this story be for that idiotic sporker to drag me into this again?

BEGIN SPORK

 

Warnings: Okay, let's see how many warnings I can come up with. Underage (this is the biggie), cross-dressing, kinky shoes/clothes, sex - lots and lots of sex, character deaths (just the Dursleys), bestiality (if wolf and dog count), odd pairings, Mpreg, pagan rituals. I think that's about it.

Ninis: …This… is reminiscent of… the Subjugation warnings…

Note: I have no clue where this came from but it's right outside anything I've written before. I'm frantically trying to make up for lost writing time due to the move. And when the Muse kicks loose, she does it big time!

Nergal the Insane: …Why am I reminded of the Assassination Nation author’s note?

Thanks: Much appreciation to Tinneantoo who did a fast beta for me and caught all kinds of mistakes. Any left over such as the existence of this story – yes, this is a preemptive attack are my fault entirely. Thanks, Tinn!
********* Harry *********

{snip various sentence fragments}

Fear slapped me so hard I crumbled into a small ball.

Nergal the Sane: …Fear. Slapping. Crumbling. Is this supposed to be dramatic, or hilarious?

Ninis: Badfic… is the more hilarious… the more dramatic… it is supposed to be.

 

 

{snip screaming}

 

Rolling behind the kitchen counter, I wished I could fit under it.

All: *look at each other* *simultaneous HEADGROUND* Pathetic…

 

 

{Harry’s apparently gotten his name changed to Shinji Ikari, if this is any indication. Dursleys are getting massacred, he’s whimpering behind the counter. Suethor has forgotten that, if anything, Harry would be more likely to throw himself headfirst into the fight and die than save himself. GRYFFINDOR! House of the brave, the bold, the chivalrous… NOT of the self-saving! Slytherin is not Gryffindor, Gryffindor is not Slytherin! GAH!}

 

 

No, no, no, no, no . . .

Nergal the Insane: The cry of a canon character being dragged feet-first into a Suefic.

 

 

Pain like knives carving my flesh made me gasp aloud.

 

No, no, no . . .

 

"Potter!" The low hiss didn't even frighten me; somehow I knew who it was even though the screaming has grown into a soulless shriek.

Ninis: …Hissing? It must be… Voldemort.

Nergal the Sane: It’s a figure of speech. And “soulless shriek”? Dementors?

Nergal the Insane: Only if DEMENTORS stands for DEMENTed suethORS.

 

 

Opening my eyes, I found a potion stained hand

Nergal the Insane: …If this is who I think it is, he must be far clumsier than we’ve seen in canon. I can imagine Snape spending a day in a snit because he spilled a bit of Veritaserum or such.

Ninis: …And how would… students tell the… difference?

Nergal the Insane: Precisely.

Ninis: …*shakes head*

 

 reaching for me and I rolled to him.

Nergal the Sane: Is this Harry Potter or Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time? That’s the only place I’ve seen THIS much rolling when walking would do.

Ninis: What about Kirby?

Nergal the Sane: He has the excuse of being a pink ball with feet. I meant a human being rolling when walking would do.

 

I was shaking all over and I could hardly see through the tears.

Nergal the Insane: Reminiscent of that Ninian girl when I taunted her about Eliwood… *puts another icepack on head* …I assume that’s not a happy look on your faces.

Nergal the Sane and Ninis: WHAT DID YOU DO TO NINIAN?!

 

My nose was running away from this fic and I wiped it off on my sleeve.

 

It was bloody and I wondered why until I realized there's blood everywhere.

Nergal the Insane: Give the Gryffindor a prize! *rolls eye*

Ninis: …Random tense changes… for the win? And what did you do to Ninian?

Nergal the Insane: *puts another icepack on head* And what business is it of yours?

Nergal the Sane: Why, that depends. How much of your memory are you missing?

 

Strong arms enfolded me into a dark robe and only then did I realize how badly I was shaking.

Nergal the Sane: …This is Harry? This version would probably wet himself if he ran into Hagrid in a dark alley.

 

 

"Silence," the sharp tone was little more than a whisper but I obeyed him at once because the Suethor… had him… under Imperius, trying to stop my sniffing and gasping. He gave me a drug that made me a violently OOC crybaby, knocked me out, and, after slinging me over his shoulder, walked across the kitchen tile and out the back door before wrapping me in his cloak and lifting me in his arms.

Ninis: Such… bridal imagery… is this slash?

Nergal the Sane: Roy was screaming something about getting pedophilic transvestite het in his slash. I have no idea what he meant, though.

Nergal the Insane: Since you two are fools, let me play the role of Captain Obvious. This bodes ill, and we should just kill the Dopplegangers on the spot.

 

 

I felt . . . safe . . . *SPAZZFLAIL* so very safe that I laid my head on the broad shoulder and shut my eyes. Nothing bad could happen to me now.

Nergal the Sane: …My young children have a more mature worldview than this. But I’m sure I’ve seen this mentality before…

Ninis: You’ve read Shinji/Kaworu angst?

Nergal the Sane: WHAT? If that’s… what is a mindset belonging in Evangelion doing here? Harry doesn’t have that mindset at all – wait, let me ask the previous sporkers. *leaves*

-A while later-

Nergal the Sane: *returns* All I could get out of them were “Celebrian”, “Subjugation”, and “Lu Aza”. I wonder what that means…

 

 

Professor Snape might not like me very much but he had protected me for the last four years and I trusted him.

Nergal the Insane: …I will now take the quintessence of the canon.

Ninis: How can you kill canon?

Nergal the Insane: You idiotic dragon, it’s already dead - *is confronted by very angry dragon* O_0

 

 

Maybe I should tell him that?

********* Severus *********

Nergal the Sane: The dreaded POV switch!

 

 

I could hardly believe I got him out of there in time. Cutting it fine simply begged the question

Ninis: …I thought my Human… was proficient?

Nergal the Sane: It is, dear. That doesn’t make sense to ANYONE.

 

 - Harry almost got sliced and diced by my fellow Death Eaters while under the supposed wards of his Aunt's blood.

Nergal the Insane: “Sliced and diced”? …Where did you hide Snape’s corpse? You do not speak like him at all.

 

I barely kept my shudder from disturbing him. The blood was still there, unfortunately there was none left in her body. Or the father's or son's come to that.

Ninis: What about Dudley’s come? …It was a… joke, Niles. Stop… vomiting.

Nergal the Sane: I dislike missing commas as much as you do, but… GAH! And don’t call me Niles in public!

Nergal the Insane: *puts another icepack on his head* …My real name is Niles?

 

 

Stepping off the property, I ducked into the waiting Volvo with the tinted windows.

Guardian’s Song: Ooh, foreshadowing! That sounds just like the description of a vehicle when there’s an Amber Alert! “A Volvo with tinted windows…”

Nergal the Insane: …Again, I will play Captain Obvious, and tell you two fools that whatever she just said wasn’t a good sign. I’m leaving.

Guardian’s Song: What? Sorry, not allowing you. If I let you leave at all, you would desert when we got to the sex-ed-with-handjobs.

All three: O_O

Guardian’s Song: Whoops… shouldn’t have said that, should I?

 

Harry clung tightly to me, still not having said a word. Probably in shock, I decided and took a deep breath, trying to set him onto the seat away from me. That got a reaction from him and for a brief moment he strangled me.

Ninis: See? Canon… is not dead.

Nergal the Insane: You fool. That’s rigor mortis. And free-for-all.

 

 

"Potter, I need to see if you're hurt." I found myself stroking his hair O_O, disliking the feel of matted blood coating the silken strands. Harry’s getting SUED? Can’t he at least have the dignity of being STUED? Pulling my wand from an inside pocket He has… multiple… ‘inside pockets’… in which to store his ‘wand’? *is blushing* NINIS!, I muttered a quick diagnostician spell taught to me by Poppy remind me. Is this dratted nickname canon? many years ago. Anemic Did a vampire suck his blood? Is this a vampire-fic or something? Davis, get back into your own canon before you’re traumatized for life. *shoves him back*, bruised and hungry Comma but not injured Comma was the result.

 

"You're going to be fine, P-Harry as opposed to Q-Harry or O-Harry but we need to get you cleaned up so we can get out of here." I felt a small nod and a slight lessening of his grip around my neck. Casting a hasty cleaning incantation Wha – Suethor, PLEASE don’t mix up what verb applies to which noun… recite an incantation, cast a spell…, I decided to go with a wardrobe change, too. They were going to be looking for him.

Nergal the Insane: So, he’ll be dressed up as a performer or somesuch?

Nergal the Sane: What? A performer? That’s a ridi –

Ninis: Excellent idea.

Both Nergals: …It must be a dragon thing.

 

 

Another spell and he started and wiggled a little at the new feel.

Ninis: …Wiggled?

Nergal the Insane: Let me play Captain Obvious YET AGAIN. This is a bad sign.

 

Even though I'd rarely been in such danger, I couldn't resist indulging in my secret fantasy kink.

Ninis: …Can I hope… that he means… tormenting Harry?

Nergal the Insane: CANON IS DEAD, you stupid dragon. Canon is –

Ninis: *is snarling in his face*

Nergal the Sane: Exactly how mad do you have to be to insult a full-grown dragon?

 

He might hex me or he might be in such shock he'd let it go for now.

Ninis: …It must be… tormenting Harry.

Nergal the Insane: THE WONDERFULLY INTELLIGENT DRAGON is in denial. *snarls*

 

 

Slowly he pulled a few inches away and looked down at the new crisp white blouse, short red plaid skirt, white knee socks and little black patent leather Mary Janes.

Ninis: Tormenting Harry. He must be tormenting Harry.

Nergal the Insane: While being forced into a Japanese schoolgirl uniform would indeed be torment, I do not believe that to be the purpose.

 

 

"Wow, I look like a girl." Was all he said, leaving his hands loosely linked about my neck.

Nergal the Sane: He must be in shock.

 

 

His grip on My throat tightened at his acceptance. "They'll be looking for a 14 year old boy with glasses and short black hair." Another spell and his hair lengthened and curled into ringlets on his shoulders. "I'll be wearing Muggle clothing and looking rather more athletic than I normally do." A spell shortened my hair to above my ears and another put me into jeans and a buttoned down Henley in aubergine.

Ninis: No… offense… to Snape… fans, but… the sallow skin and hooked nose… should be… rather identifying.

Both Nergals: Not that hooked noses are ugly, of course.

Ninis: Remind me… why is Snape… making Harry a schoolgirl?

Guardian’s Song: No, you can’t run.

Nergal the Sane: That’s not what she asked.

Guardian’s Song: That’s my answer.

All three: o_0

Nergal the Sane: We don’t even need Captain Obvious for that one. Free-for-all!

 

 

"Now, put your glasses in your purse, Harry." I slid under the wheels of the car before I could be canon-raped any further, leaving my hand on his arm in case he was still frightened. "I'm going to drive us to another town where I've got a safe house set up."

 

"D-does Dumbledore know where it is, Professor?" He said, sliding a little closer to me but obediently It must be Imperius. taking off his glasses and tucking them into the patent leather purse which matched his shoes.

 

"No, he doesn't." Starting the car, I pulled away from the house of death I’d like to move there. and sedately *HEADDESK* drove west. "I'm sorry I didn't get there sooner."

 

"I'm still alive." He said quietly and I felt a small hand creep back onto my arm.

Guardian’s Song: Not for long, the child molester thought. Oops, spoilers.

Ninis: …I sense… this is not good…

Nergal the Insane: NOW I am relieved from Captain Obvious duty.

 

********* Harry *********

It felt so unreal to watch myself being canon-raped like this, and Professor Snape getting it almost as bad as I was driving - a car, a Muggle car. It felt even odder to be wearing girl's clothes.

Nergal the Sane: Yes. That’s one way to put it.

Nergal the Insane: There’s nothing wrong with dresses! …I mean…

Ninis: …Yes… that is a nice… dress you’re… wearing…

Nergal the Insane: It’s a ROBE.

Ninis: …So well-embroidered, too…

Nergal the Insane: You really think so? I mean – those are magical designs! Magical!

Nergal the Sane: O_O It’s odd how I can endure the thought of my mind being corrupted by the Elder Magic, and I can accept losing my memory, but this… side effect… to my sexual orientation is scaring me more than –

Nergal the Insane: I AM NOT GAY!

Ninis: …The sash is… also a nice touch.

Nergal the Insane: I’m glad somebody appreciates – REALLY! I AM NOT!

Nergal the Sane: *buries head in hands*

 

My skirt didn't even cover my knees and I wiggled a little to feel the soft underwear against my skin. *all three* ... It bound me differently then the worn-out y-fronts I'd worn all my life. TOO. MUCH. INFORMATION. I had the urge to lift my skirt to look at them but my life was already too weird.

Nergal the Insane: …That is one way to put it… Free-for-all again.

 

 

Touching the professor made it seem more real and he didn't seem to mind my clinging to his arm. I set my purse - I had a purse, how odd was that, He’s resisting the canon-rape! FIGHT IT, Harry! FIGHT! Fight! on the seat beside me and realized I didn't have my seatbelt on. At least she understands the principle of “Show, Not Tell”. I had to scoot a little over to the door to reach for the hanging part and my skirt slid up almost to my crotch. …She understands it a bit TOO well… Blushing, I tugged it down and tried to pretend it was like a pair of shorts.

Nergal the Sane: …Mommy? Oh, right… she’s been dead for millennia. Ninis? *buries face in one of her legs*

Nergal the Insane: *pulls cloak over head*

Ninis: …Humans…

 

 

"Here, I'll get that for you," his voice was still soft and caring and it made me feel warm all over. His hand helped me tug it …Ugh. down and click it closed between us.

 

His fingers brushed against my thigh BAD TOUCH, Mommy. BAD TOUCH. …Unpleasant. and I caught my breath at the sudden flare of heat.

Thorn: *smirks* For all the fancy pyrotechnics nowadays… the old lighter-and-gasoline does it every time. *pours fuel on burning Stu*

 

I did that now and then to myself but only when it was really, really dark and I knew everybody was asleep. Excuse me for interrupting. Touching his THIGH? He’s FOURTEEN. From own experience, I can say that not even girls nowadays are THAT naïve at that age. And I’m under the impression that boys get “How-To-Do-“It” *wink-wink*” manuals when they hit puberty. He’s not going to be touching his THIGH when he’s asleep, you idiot! But not even my hand felt that good. I was blushing; I just knew it and I hoped he wouldn't notice.

 

"We're driving to a town called York in northern England." His voice was velvety smooth muscle –NINIS! This is bad enough as it is! and I listened carefully. "I'm known as a painter there, one who works on commission. It’s… a quaint place… they haven’t… started using… photography for their… pornography yet. That is one way to explain my frequent absences. You will be my niece come to stay with me while my sister - your mother, recuperates from an operation. Now Lily/Snape is INCEST?! It’s an alibi, you fool. Now who’s being naïve about Suethors? I'll be Uncle John since my name here is John Aberforce …Nothing to do with Aberforth. Amazing. Not even her made-up names are original. What name would you like to go by?"

 

"Um," I thought hard and fiddled with the edge of my skirt NONONONO!. "Mary is kind of like Harry. Then… wouldn’t Harriet be even better? SUETHOR LOGIC. That way I won't forget to answer to it. What kind of painter are you?"

 

He chuckled and I thought his smile was really nice, what little I could see of it without my glasses. *HEADGROUND* "I paint portraits of famous people in naughty positions. Mary will do nicely. Have you thought of doing something about your eyesight? Like ripping them out before this fic continues?"

 

"Is there something magic?" I asked eagerly. "I hate wearing glasses and lately they don't seem to be working as well as they used to. I can see the badfic."

 

He growled a little and I bit my lip at the thought I'd angered him.

Ninis: Again, I…

Nergal the Sane: No, native speakers can’t understand it either.

 

"Those damn muggles have a lot to answer for, Harry. Yes, there is something that can be done and I'll perform the spell when we reach home. It’s called Avada Kedavra, and it will make you feel much better. Heh heh heh."

 

"Are they dead?" I had to hear the words even though I was pretty sure I knew the answer.

Nergal the Insane: Why, no, Harry. They were just bleeding all over the floor because they were on their rag. OF COURSE THEY’RE DEAD, AND IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT FOR BEING A COWARD! ALL YOUR FAULT! *laughs maniacally*

Nergal the Sane: …I hate the thought of THAT being my future self. I truly do.

 

********* Severus *********

 

"They're dead, Harry." I said it flatly and watched him out of the corner of my eye. Driving took all my concentration and I rarely did it but the trains wouldn't be safe right now and none of my fellow Death Eaters knew I could drive a car. Nor did… JK Rowling. No one in the magical world knew.

Nergal the Insane: Not even Dumbledore or Voldemort, Legilimens supreme? *snort*

 

"It was not your fault and there was *nothing* you could have done to stop them. Your battle is not yet to be fought."

Nergal the Sane: If this was canon-Harry, that wouldn’t have stopped him.

Nergal the Insane: True. All Gryffindors are utter fools, except for Hermione the Mis-sorted.

Nergal the Sane: …I would be Ravenclaw, but I have a feeling that you wouldn’t be there.

Nergal the Insane: Slytherin, of course.

Ninis: …Hufflepuff.

Nergal the Insane: …That House exists? I thought it consisted of Cedric Diggory and imbeciles and pathetic whiners. …Yes, yes, my apologies. Now, stop growling in my face.

 

 

He rubbed his nose and I fished out a handkerchief. "Your canon-raped self really Blows, Harry."

 

Taking it, he blew hard then crumbled it up in his hand. "Sorry, Professor, I'll try not to be so weepy."

Ninis: …I suspect that… this is a resolution… he will not keep…

 

 

"You're entitled to cry, Harry." Where IS Snape’s corpse, pray tell? I softened my voice even more and caught his wondering look up at me. “Who ARE you, and what have you done with Snape?” Those lustrous green eyes shone with tears and it was all I could do not to stop the car and pull him into my arms. …Niles, hug me. I told you, don’t call me - *sighs* *hugs her leg* "Being sad and sorry is exactly the way you should be feeling right now. If you need to cry, then do so. I shall not condemn honest emotion. I only wish I could allow myself more of the softer feelings."

Nergal the Insane: I’m feeling nauseated.

Nergal the Sane: Though for different reasons… so am I.

 

 

"Thank you," he said quietly and even though the seatbelt bisected his boyish chest …Not even you fools need Captain Obvious here…, he leaned into my arm, resting his head against my sleeve. "Maybe once it has set in I'll be able to cry for them. Right now, I feel kind of numb but also . . ." he blushed and went back to plucking at his skirt hem, which had raised half-way up his smooth thigh again.

Ninis: He’s feeling… right after his only family… What IS that… Japanese phrase?

Nergal the Sane: Which one?

Ninis: The one… that means… “Disgusting/I feel sick”.

 

 

I was going straight to hell for what I was thinking but then I always knew that was my ultimate destination.

Nergal the Insane: In that case, let me speed you on your journey.

 

 

"But right now, I feel . . . free and kind of light." His face tilted up to me and I gripped the steering wheel tightly so I didn't do something inappropriate. "I trust you to keep me safe, Professor."

Nergal the Insane: Oh, please. This is worse than Ninian and Eliwood.

Nergal the Sane: Again. WHAT DID YOU DO TO NINIAN?!

 

 

"I'm very grateful for your acceptance." I smiled down into his kitten-like face *shudders* I fear for Harry. and was rewarded with a shy grin. "After my abominable treatment during the school year, I swore eternal revenge on James Potter and am now exacting it on his son feared you wouldn't allow me to help or trust me to get you away."

Ninis: Well, he ****ing shouldn’t have.

Nergal the Sane: O_O Ninis?!

Ninis: This is… a crime. Against children. It is.

 

"You had to act that way or everyone would have known you were a spy for Dumbledore." He leaned in a little harder **** off – wait… overreaction. My apologies. "I grew up a lot last month and took a good look at who had always protected me, even when it meant you had to do things you didn't want to. I wanted to say thank you but didn't know how or when. The canon-rape is overwhelming. Actually, this is more of canon-squick. *vomits*"

 

I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat. "That is quite the nicest apology I've ever received, Harry. Thank you for making this so easy for me to do… things to you that will… make the front headlines."

 

He squirmed a little and smoothed his skirt with both hands. "Um, Professor, could we stop for a bathroom break? I need to go really badly."

 

"Ten minutes to Little Pickford and we can stop for an early tea break." I picked up the speed and spared a thought for his first time in a woman's bathroom. Oh to be a little mouse to see how he handled it. "Now remember to call me Uncle John, 'Mary'."

Ninis: …

RRRRRRRRROOOOOOOAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR! (Translation: THIS IS PERVERSE! INCREDIBLY PERVERSE! KILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILL!) RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR! (Translation: FOR THE SAKE OF ALL CHILDREN OUT THERE, KILLITWITHICE!!!!!!!!)

Nergal the Sane: …Run!

Guardian’s Song: …Just a comment. Since tales about child molesters and… stuff like this… are all we hear of pedophiles, this is why people are extremely bigoted against them. So, this sort of junk is indirectly responsible for bleep like Crusaders for Innocence or whatever the names of those jerks were. …Yeah.

 

 

********* Harry *********

The tea shop was in a small cottage and Uncle John walked me back to the ladies room, telling me he would watch the door for me. I shut it behind me with a sigh of relief before hiking up my skirt and finally seeing my new knickers. They were frilly and silky when I pulled them down to relieve myself. That felt really good and I found myself stroking the fabric while I shot a golden stream into the toilet.

Nergal the Sane: The fic LITERALLY p*ss*s purple prose!

 

 

Maybe this was kind of kinky or at least Ron would think so Hooray for Ronald!, I thought with a last guilty stroke before trying to rearrange myself more comfortably inside the panties. They didn't have the reinforcing of my old underwear but they clung real tightly. The material behind me kind of eased into my crack and the feel of the cloth right there made my nipples peak under my shirt. I'd noticed that happen once or twice when I was stroking myself in the bathtub. Why did they do that?

Nergal the Insane: Just your nipples?

Nergal the Sane: And that’s… rather disgusting.

 

 

My body seemed to be sending me all kinds of odd signals. But I dropped my skirt and brushed it into place before going to wash my hands. My hair looked odd in the mirror and I leaned close to the glass so I could see the bangs that covered my scar. Reaching up, I tugged on a long curl and watched it bounce back onto my shoulder. It wasn't messy at all and I wondered if I could leave it this way once I got back to school.

Ninis: …This is… pre-fifth year. Harry has… every reason to be… proud of his father. Thus, he still… is happy with… looking like his father.

 

 

"All right, Mary?"

Nergal the Sane: No. ALL WRONG.

 

{snip more creepiness, Harry and Snape have tea}

 

Once we sat down, he gestured to the tea pot and I tried to remember how Hermione poured it in the common room. It was funny but I just seemed to slip into her mindset and act like a girl.

Guardian’s Song: OH NO YOU ****ING DON’T. Acting “like a girl”? Please, canon-raped ****wit. Everything is RELATIVE. Don’t stereotype or you will get your face mauled. THORN?

Thorn: *torches Sue-in-a-boy’s-body*

 

 

The professor nodded to me with a smile and I could tell he was pleased. I found myself wanting to please him NONONONONONONONONONO …Agreed., wanting to throw myself into this odd SICK BLEEPING SICK little play that was taking me far away from what had been my canon life up until now. "Uncle John, could we stop and commit suicide go shopping before being utterly canon-raped reaching home?"

 

"Good idea, Potter sweetheart, we need to obtain some guns to blow our heads (and that of the Suethor) off pick up some play clothes for you." He nodded gravely MOMMY! The badfic is still harassing me! *sobs* to the waitress and accepted a plate of small no-crust sandwiches. "Your mother is so strict about dresses only COMMA! Roy, HELP! but I think we could manage some shorts and t-shirts while you're visiting me. Will… canon return?" His dark eyes shone with mischief and I had the oddest urge to stick out my tongue at him.

 

"Oh but I like my dresses, Uncle John, No, that was just its Inferius." I batted my eyelashes at him and wiggled I hate that word. a little on the soft and that one, too. cushioned chair. "They feel nice against my skin and they look so very pretty and witty and GAY How would YOU know? …Pah. that I almost feel pretty."

 

"Sweet Mary, you are the prettiest twelve year-old in the county !!! Outright pedophilia! and if you want more skirts then that is what you shall have." He winked at me and I looked down with a blush.

Nergal the Sane: I have two children. I don’t want them ever to have to endure… this Suethor thinks… ugh.

 

 

He'd taken two years off my age and I figured that was because I was so flat-chested.

Nergal the Insane: Well, YES. You’re a BOY.

 

 

"Thank you, Uncle, but you must help me pick out what to wear. You're so good with colors and fabrics."

Ninis: *shudders*

Both Nergals: *are knocked over*

 

 

"We shall find a dress shop and you will try on anything your little heart desires *shudders* That sounds fatherly. It should not be here., Mary. I will enjoy helping you choose." He offered me the plate of sandwiches and I did my best to eat two daintily like Hermione would.

Guardian’s Song: And since when was Hermione super-dainty? You misogynistic little piece of – AH **** IT JUST DIE JUST DIE JUST DIE!!!!!!!

 

 

When we were all done, he paid our tab and I accepted a compliment from the tea shop owner on my manners. Whew, I thought while getting back in the car, I passed our first test of muggles. Harry, you’ve LIVED with Muggles for ten years! The Professor made sure I was strapped in again before starting the car. It was nice to be just the two of us again. It kind of felt like an enchanted car where I was safe and wanted.

Nergal the Sane: And we all know how well the LAST enchanted car ride went.

 

********* Severus *********

Stopping at a local dress shop on the other side of York from my cottage, I helped Harry choose two new jumpers, three high-necked blouses, two more skirts, three pair of shorts, a white pinafore with lace inserts Show, Don’t Tell… taken to excess. and while he was trying on a dress, I put aside several pairs of silk stockings and a little pink lace garter belt that made my groin tighten deliciously. I was buying them for 'Sunday wear' I murmured to the saleswoman. She murmured back that it was a lovely thought and my niece was a very lucky little girl.

Nergal the Sane: Just me, but if I was that saleswoman, I would be quite worried that he was getting a hard-on at the thought of his niece. CHILD MOLESTING SON OF A –

Nergal the Insane: It is… rather unappealing…

Ninis:

ROOOOOOOOOAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ROAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!!!!!! (Translation would have to be deleted) *stomps towards fic, summoning blizzard as she does so*

 

CURRENT END OF SPORKING

Sorry, my… sporkers are going a bit mad. See you next time!

 

…And, frankly, I don’t blame them. DIE!!!!!!