Pass the Sporks & Bleeprin.

November 12th, 2009

And the crossover spork continues

11/12/09 08:09 pm

Chapter 1
Chapter 2

Story or Series Title: Cruel Trick of Fate
Fandom: Lord of the Jedi
~~Culprit~~Author's Name: TDWidow
Full Names: Obi-Wan Kenobi (aka Hyarion), Aragorn son of Arathorn
Full Species: Edain
Hair Color (Include Adjectives): Like in canon, I presume
Eye Color (Include Adjectives): Like in canon, I presume
Unusual Markings/Colorations: I presume they both have scars from the battles they've been in.
Special Possessions: Aragorn has a uterus
Annoying Origin: Unknown, Arathorn II and Gilraen
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Claim to be two of them, are Mara Skywalker's parents.
Annoying Special Abilities: In addition to the mpreg, there's the matter of Obi-Wan taking Arwen's place in Aragorn's heart
Other Annoying Traits: 0o9iuihjnbhgh6tftrfcc dxfdre4

( Chapter 5 )

( Chapter 6 )

Current Mood: blah
Current Music: "The Prophecy" -- Howard Shore

SPORK!

November 13th, 2009

One way or another, it's f**ked!

shikishinobi

11/13/09 11:23 am

Story/Series title: Carly Perry and the Boy Who Lived
Fandom: Harry Potter and the plot raping, thieving stealing bitches who shouldn’t have lived.
Culprit Author’s Name: Brunette_beauty_1
Full name’s: Carly Perry, Mom, Dad (Stanley), a number of canon characters including Harry, Hagrid, Draco, Olivander(s) and Narcissa.
Species: Canonrape, to the worst degree that most chapters and ideas are stolen from the book/s.
Hair and Eye Color: Carly: Golden Blond hair with bangs.
Unusual markings/colorations: Nothing specific.
Special Possessions: HPPS to quote word for word, a barn owl named Bush and a wand that is specifically like Harry’s. The only plausable difference is the length.
Annoying Origins: That special place in the Pit reserved for sues who can’t have an original thought, so they plagiarize canon just to make it look like they are capable of using canon.
Supposed Connection to Canon: If there was such a thing, I’d let you know. The only connection is this suethor’s lips sucking on the teet of used plot ideals because the thought of an original idea was just beyond them.
Annoying Special Abilities: Shoplifting, is an American sue and her father is apparently the fifth Marauder.
Other Annoying Traits: Just read it already.
Sporkers Notes: Aftermath is taking it’s sweet time to come up with some new chapters, so I thought I’d start a shorter project in the meantime. This thing is only 5 chapters long, but before sporking, it is 9 pages long in size 10 font. So one at a time. I will be taking a big pair of secateurs to it, simply to try and shorten my work. Enjoy!
( destroy_it!Destroy_it_all! )

Current Mood: excited
Current Music: Best Hits of '99

November 11th, 2009

Bad crossover is bad.

tawaki

11/11/09 05:55 pm

Continuing this puddle of sithspit.

Story or Series Title: Cruel Trick of Fate
Fandom: Lord of the Jedi
~~Culprit~~Author's Name: TDWidow
Full Names: Obi-Wan Kenobi (aka Hyarion), Aragorn son of Arathorn
Full Species: Edain
Hair Color (Include Adjectives): Like in canon, I presume
Eye Color (Include Adjectives): Like in canon, I presume
Unusual Markings/Colorations: I presume they both have scars from the battles they've been in.
Special Possessions: Aragorn has a uterus
Annoying Origin: Unknown, Arathorn II and Gilraen
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Claim to be two of them, are Mara Skywalker's parents.
Annoying Special Abilities: In addition to the mpreg, there's the matter of Obi-Wan taking Arwen's place in Aragorn's heart
Other Annoying Traits: 0o9iuihjnbhgh6tftrfcc dxfdre4

( Getting his bearings )

( Enter Gandalf )

Current Mood: blah
Current Music: "The Battle in the Snow" -- John Williams

November 7th, 2009

A new rotation of sporkers, tackling Luke Skywalker's supposed in-laws

tawaki

11/7/09 12:26 pm

Story or Series Title: Cruel Trick of Fate
Fandom: Lord of the Jedi
~~Culprit~~Author's Name: TDWidow
Full Names: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Aragorn son of Arathorn
Full Species: Edain
Hair Color (Include Adjectives): Like in canon, I presume
Eye Color (Include Adjectives): Like in canon, I presume
Unusual Markings/Colorations: I presume they both have scars from the battles they've been in.
Special Possessions: Aragorn has a uterus
Annoying Origin: Unknown, Arathorn II and Gilraen
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Claim to be two of them, are Mara Skywalker's parents.
Annoying Special Abilities: In addition to the mpreg, there's the matter of Obi-Wan taking Arwen's place in Aragorn's heart
Other Annoying Traits: 0o9iuihjnbhgh6tftrfcc dxfdre4

( The summary )

( Crash Landing )

( In Karningul )

Current Mood: blah
Current Music: "Four Minutes, Thirty-Three Seconds" -- John Cage

November 6th, 2009

And the spork ends.

tawaki

11/6/09 02:20 pm

( Previous chapters )

Story or Series Title: The Girl in the Tower
Fandom: The Boy Who Set a Five-Step Mamba on the Suethors
~~Culprit~~Author's Name: SpookyMulder
Full Name: Sara Lemke
Full Species: Species 5618
Hair Color(Include Adjectives): Like a mood ring
Eye Color(Include Adjectives): "…the bluest violet…"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: A black widow mark from when she murdered Lucius Malfoy
Special Possessions: Harry's balls, the Marauders' Map
Annoying Origin: A family that skipped the country to hide from Riddle
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Dumbledore's niece, Harry's girlfriend
Annoying Special Abilites: Elemental powers
Other Annoying Traits: 4we57hj7 m8u9i0]-p]\=[

( Rescuing Draco Malfoy )

( At the dance )

Current Mood: evil computer
Current Music: "The Shoemaker's Wife" -- John Dowland

November 5th, 2009

Another Suefic that drops a metaphorical bridge on Riddle

tawaki

11/5/09 12:10 am

( Previous chapters )

Story or Series Title: The Girl in the Tower
Fandom: The Boy Who Set a Five-Step Mamba on the Suethors
~~Culprit~~Author's Name: SpookyMulder
Full Name: Sara Lemke
Full Species: Species 5618
Hair Color(Include Adjectives): Like a mood ring
Eye Color(Include Adjectives): "…the bluest violet…"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: A black widow mark from when she murdered Lucius Malfoy
Special Possessions: Harry's balls, the Marauders' Map
Annoying Origin: A family that skipped the country to hide from Riddle
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Dumbledore's niece, Harry's girlfriend
Annoying Special Abilites: Elemental powers
Other Annoying Traits: 4we57hj7 m8u9i0]-p]\=[

( She still can't decide who she loves )

( Sic Transit Riddle )

Current Mood: blah
Current Music: "The Carrionites Swarm" -- Murray Gold

November 3rd, 2009

Half-Goat Sara, part 33

tawaki

11/3/09 10:10 pm

( Previous chapters )

Story or Series Title: The Girl in the Tower
Fandom: The Boy Who Set a Five-Step Mamba on the Suethors
~~Culprit~~Author's Name: SpookyMulder
Full Name: Sara Lemke
Full Species: Species 5618
Hair Color(Include Adjectives): Like a mood ring
Eye Color(Include Adjectives): "…the bluest violet…"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: A black widow mark from when she murdered Lucius Malfoy
Special Possessions: Harry's balls, the Marauders' Map
Annoying Origin: A family that skipped the country to hide from Riddle
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Dumbledore's niece, Harry's girlfriend
Annoying Special Abilites: Elemental powers
Other Annoying Traits: 4we57hj7 m8u9i0]-p]\=[

( Read more... )

( Or is it? )

Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: "Goodbye, Judy" -- Barney Collier

A Blast From the Past!

zoe_i_am

11/3/09 06:31 am

Anyone remember this little gem? It's that insane story where Legolas and Co bamfed to Hogwarts, Harry was an alcoholic who puked up Salazar, Godric hatched out of an egg, Snape fed Viagra to Legolas and Harry, Ginny went nuts, Hermione turned into the Wicked Witch of the West, and the author used a paragraph where one word would do.

It's been updated!

Story Or Series Title: Love of a Different Kind
Fandom: The Boy-Who-Lived-To-Shower-With-Hobbits
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: Medusa; The Ancient Snake

Full Name (plus titles if any): Harry Potter
Full Species(es): I haven't got a cluicus Stuicus
Hair Color (include adjectives): The shining beams from the full moon above made the boy’s raven hair shimmer like black silk,
Eye Color (include adjectives): his eyes glowing like emeralds
Unusual Markings/Colorations: That scar thingy
Special Possessions (if any): A new wardrobe that matches Legoals', a wand, a mentor named Snape, a secret letter from Sal, tons of angst, bulimia that turned out to be a snake in his gut, a cute new pet, and a burning desire for revenge on Snape.

Annoying Origin: I can't even begin to imagine where this one came from
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Let's see, spends his summer holidays at Hogwarts with the Fellowship, has a Papa Alby, vomits Salazar Slytherin, learns Snape's deepest secrets, sits on Hagrid's shoulder, introduces the Hobbits to the Giant Squid, "entertains" Legolas, sees Godric Gryffindor naked, yells at everyone else,
Annoying Special Abilities: Bounces back and forth between smart ass retorts and infantile babble
Other Annoying Traits: I found it

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

( Quidditch, Mud, and Hobbit Packages )

Current Location: laundry, laundry, laundry
Current Mood: shocked
Current Music: Shattered - OAR

November 1st, 2009

Legolas Gets Sorted!

zoe_i_am

11/1/09 11:43 pm

Part The First

Story Or Series Title: The_Elven_Wizard
Fandom: Harry Potter and the Elf from Mirkwood
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: Seom

Full Name (plus titles if any): Prince Legolas "Take This Filthy Hat Off Me" Greenleaf
Full Species(es): Hottius Elivs Magicus
Hair Color (include adjectives): Long and Blond
Eye Color (include adjectives): Stunning bright Blue
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Give it time
Special Possessions (if any): 16 Inch wand, stop that, it's from Mr. Olivander!

Annoying Origin: When Books Collide By Falling Off The Shelf
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Used to be one
Annoying Special Abilities: Attracts girls like nobody's business
Other Annoying Traits: Won't change his clothes, teaches everyone Grelvish

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

( In Which Legolas Gets A House )

Current Location: moving cars
Current Mood: tipsy
Current Music: Cowboy Take Me Away - Dixie Chicks

Perhaps getting some helpers in would be a good idea...

falconwhitaker

11/1/09 01:10 am

Story Or Series Title: Riddles of the Dead
Fandom: Harry Potter/Indiana Jones. No, I am not kidding.
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: Maeglin Yedi

Full Name (plus titles if any): Tom Riddle; Indiana Jones.
Full Species(es): Canon characters raped out of recognition.
Hair Color (include adjectives): Presumably canon for both
Eye Color (include adjectives): Riddle’s eyes are spontaneously hazel, for some reason; Indy’s are canon.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Nothing that isn’t canon.
Special Possessions (if any): A map which leads them to the Eye of Ra, a mythical ass-pull device that apparently grants immortality.

Annoying Origin: A request of the author’s apparently.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Claim to be two, but I have my doubts.
Annoying Special Abilities: Bum sexing it up in the desert without getting sand in uncomfortable places (both). Being able to call Lord fucking Voldemort "kid" without having his urethra pulled out his nose (Indy). A raving case of the stupids (Riddle).
Other Annoying Traits: She made Indiana Jones a creepy semi-pervert and Tom Riddle a giggling schoolgirl. Kill me now.

Part One; Two.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

( This section broke my brain. )

Current Mood: BSOD

October 31st, 2009

LITTLE MISS MARY, Part Twenty-Seven

guardians_song

10/31/09 12:59 am

==( COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO! )

LITTLE MISS MARY, Part Twenty-Six

guardians_song

10/31/09 12:58 am

( Portions of spork may be choppy due to only working on this intermittently. My apologies. :D;; )

LITTLE MISS MARY, Part Twenty-Five

guardians_song

10/31/09 12:57 am

LITTLE MISS MARY

Story or Series Title: Little Miss Mary

Fandom: …Maybe if Lu Aza did Harry Potter…

~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: Athea
Full Name: Harry “Little Miss Mary” Potter; Severus “Uncle John (Aberforce)” Snape
Full Species: Horrifying pedophilic fantasy, and that’s insulting pedophiles; pedophile

Hair Color (Include Adjectives): “dark” “silken strands”, in “ringlets down to his shoulders”; “dark” hair all over the place. And I mean ALL over the place.

Eye Color (Include Adjectives): “lustrous green eyes”; Canon… I think. Whee, canon.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: The scar, lipstick later on… ; …I don’t know. And I really didn’t care to look.

Special Possessions: …Where do I start? Lots of girly, frilly clothes, a butt-plug (NO, I AM NOT JOKING), a bidet, a uterus later on, and excuse me, my brain just broke; a druid-manor-thingy (although even Rose Potter refuses to associate herself with this story), a secondary job as a painter, a Wizard’s Guide to Gay Sex (AM NOT JOKING), and there went my mind. GAAAAAAAH!
Annoying Origin: Even the author doesn’t know. My guess is… um… a really, really SICK fantasy that should have remained in the deepest corners of this author’s mind. UNTIL DEATH.

Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: …Canon-rape to equal Celebrian. That is all.

Annoying Special Abilities: Telepathy, druid magic, PWNing Voldemort through MAJICK SEXXORS (Anita Blake also wishes to disassociate herself from this fic), manipulating “ley lines”… Harry later gets the ability to be knocked up… I tell you, perhaps you should turn back now.

Other Annoying Traits: …JUST READ IT. DX

Yes, I live! And I'm finally crossposting some parts I did on my LJ, so here we go...

==
( Ran out of juice, ended up just writing *BRAINBREAK* and *HEADKEYBOARD* a lot. )

All the birds are in costumes today. I hope it's obvious who is who.

tawaki

10/31/09 12:50 am

( Previous chapters )

Story or Series Title: The Girl in the Tower
Fandom: The Boy Who Set a Five-Step Mamba on the Suethors
~~Culprit~~Author's Name: SpookyMulder
Full Name: Sara Lemke
Full Species: Species 5618
Hair Color(Include Adjectives): Like a mood ring
Eye Color(Include Adjectives): "…the bluest violet…"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: A black widow mark from when she murdered Lucius Malfoy
Special Possessions: Harry's balls, the Marauders' Map
Annoying Origin: A family that skipped the country to hide from Riddle
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Dumbledore's niece, Harry's girlfriend
Annoying Special Abilites: Elemental powers
Other Annoying Traits: 4we57hj7 m8u9i0]-p]\=[

( Draco's angst )

( Draco's farewell )

Current Mood: blah
Current Music: "Four Minutes, Thirty-Three Seconds" -- John Cage

Touching Spirit Unicorn - An HP/LOTR Crossover.

zoe_i_am

10/31/09 12:32 am

Story Or Series Title: The_Elven_Wizard
Fandom: Harry Potter and the Elf from Mirkwood
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: Seom

Full Name (plus titles if any): Prince Legolas "Why Can't I Ever Just Stay Home" Greenleaf
Full Species(es): Hottius Elivs Magicus
Hair Color (include adjectives): Long and Blond
Eye Color (include adjectives): Assumed to be blue
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Give it time
Special Possessions (if any): 16 Inch wand, stop that, it's from Mr. Olivander!

Annoying Origin: When Books Collide By Falling Off The Shelf
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Used to be one
Annoying Special Abilities: Attracts girls like nobody's business
Other Annoying Traits: Goes to potions class, is more confused than any other elf in history.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

( In Which Legolas BAMFS To Hogwarts )

Current Location: House O' Flu-like-illness
Current Mood: confused like Legolas
Current Music: Standing Still - Jewel

October 29th, 2009

In the Dark

tawaki

10/29/09 11:18 am

( Previous chapters )

Story or Series Title: The Girl in the Tower
Fandom: The Boy Who Set a Five-Step Mamba on the Suethors
~~Culprit~~Author's Name: SpookyMulder
Full Name: Sara Lemke
Full Species: Species 5618
Hair Color(Include Adjectives): Like a mood ring
Eye Color(Include Adjectives): "…the bluest violet…"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: A black widow mark from when she murdered Lucius Malfoy
Special Possessions: Harry's balls, the Marauders' Map
Annoying Origin: A family that skipped the country to hide from Riddle
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Dumbledore's niece, Harry's girlfriend
Annoying Special Abilites: Elemental powers
Other Annoying Traits: 4we57hj7 m8u9i0]-p]\=[

( 'Ridi, Ginevra/Sul tuo amore infranto )

( Harry sends Draco to Riddle )

Current Mood: blah
Current Music: "Vesti la Giubba" -- Leoncavallo

All Aboard The Ship Of Fail! Sonic and LOTR?!

mirandagaara

10/29/09 12:47 am

Story Or Series Title: Knight Of The Ring
Fandom: Sonic The Hedgehog/Lord Of The Rings crossover.
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: kraken5.
Full Name (plus titles if any): Ryan D'Artimis.
Full Species(es): Self Insert Stu.
Hair Color (include adjectives): Not mentioned.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Not mentioned.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None mentioned.
Special Possessions (if any): None.
Annoying Origin: The Pit Of Voles.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Somehow is able to replace most of the main LOTR characters and communicate with the rest.
Annoying Special Abilities: The ability to warp two fandoms at once.
Other Annoying Traits: Existing, basically taking over Gandalf's role in a warped kind of way.
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

( Welcome to my nightmare... )

Current Location: Rio
Current Mood: cynical
Current Music: Duran Duran

October 28th, 2009

And we're still. just. talking.

falconwhitaker

10/28/09 11:37 pm

Story Or Series Title: Riddles of the Dead
Fandom: Harry Potter/Indiana Jones. No, I am not kidding.
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: Maeglin Yedi

Full Name (plus titles if any): Tom Riddle; Indiana Jones.
Full Species(es): Canon characters raped out of recognition.
Hair Color (include adjectives): Presumably canon for both
Eye Color (include adjectives): Riddle’s eyes are spontaneously hazel, for some reason; Indy’s are canon.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Nothing that isn’t canon.
Special Possessions (if any): A map which leads them to the Eye of Ra, a mythical ass-pull device that apparently grants immortality.

Annoying Origin: A request of the author’s apparently.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Claim to be two, but I have my doubts.
Annoying Special Abilities: Bum sexing it up in the desert without getting sand in uncomfortable places (both). Being able to call Lord fucking Voldemort "kid" without having his urethra pulled out his nose (Indy). A raving case of the stupids (Riddle).
Other Annoying Traits: OH. GOD. MY. EYES.

Part 1

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

( Conversation has never been so dull or expository! )

Current Mood: annoyed

October 27th, 2009

Five sixths of the way there

tawaki

10/27/09 12:58 pm

( Previous chapters )

Story or Series Title: The Girl in the Tower
Fandom: The Boy Who Set a Five-Step Mamba on the Suethors
~~Culprit~~Author's Name: SpookyMulder
Full Name: Sara Lemke
Full Species: Species 5618
Hair Color(Include Adjectives): Like a mood ring
Eye Color(Include Adjectives): "…the bluest violet…"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: A black widow mark from when she murdered Lucius Malfoy
Special Possessions: Harry's balls, the Marauders' Map
Annoying Origin: A family that skipped the country to hide from Riddle
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Dumbledore's niece, Harry's girlfriend
Annoying Special Abilites: Elemental powers
Other Annoying Traits: 4we57hj7 m8u9i0]-p]\=[

( That's not a Blackbird )

( And she looks to be killed off again, but, once again, will be back next chapter. )

Current Mood: blah
Current Music: "Fantasie no. 7" -- John Dowland

October 26th, 2009

The mission continues

shikishinobi

10/26/09 06:30 pm

Story/Series title: Aftermath, (Part 11)
Fandom: Harry ‘hand me a razor blade and I will end it now’ Potter, The Boy Who Was Dragged By The Short And Curlies Through This Crap Of A Story While Not Wanting To Live.
Culprit Author’s Name: duochan-the-mpregfan
Full name’s: Harry Potter and a host of other brainwashed canonfolk.
Species: Mpreg, Emo, Wangster Loser
Hair and Eye Color: Canon, hair is always used as a descriptive adjective about whomever is speaking or being spoken to in the mass majority of chapters. Eyes are the same but less so.
Unusual markings/colorations: At about six months pregnant, he should have a pokey-out belly button, stretch marks and painful kicks that are (so I have been told) uncomfortable and infuriating. Sleep is also something lacking.
Special Possessions: A pair of fetuses, his own room outside Griffindor tower and is superbestfriends4eva!!1!!11!eleventy!!!! with everyone except Fudge and Umbridge at this present point. Snape has a ring and watch of memory and Harry gets a pendant from Snape.
Annoying Origins: fanfiction.net. What? I’m out of creative ideas atm.
Supposed Connection to Canon: None. See above comment.
Annoying Special Abilities: Wangst, bottomless supply of tears, general acceptance of everything/one except death.
Other Annoying Traits: ‘s’ key fails frequently, tense whiplash and a short, nevertheless there, paragraph o’ Doom (tm)
Sporkers Notes: About time too! I was resorting to massive measures like finding something else to spork. So there is a new shorter series coming out in the near future that I will spork in the same, loving, caring YOU’RE GONNA DIE BITCH manor. Until then, let the show begin!
( It_is_truly_never_ending )

Current Mood: silly
Current Music: Rogue Traders: I Never Liked You (fitting, huh?)

October 25th, 2009

Chapter 29

tawaki

10/25/09 10:59 am

( Previous chapters )

Story or Series Title: The Girl in the Tower
Fandom: The Boy Who Set a Five-Step Mamba on the Suethors
~~Culprit~~Author's Name: SpookyMulder
Full Name: Sara Lemke
Full Species: Species 5618
Hair Color(Include Adjectives): Like a mood ring
Eye Color(Include Adjectives): "…the bluest violet…"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: A black widow mark from when she murdered Lucius Malfoy
Special Possessions: Harry's balls, the Marauders' Map
Annoying Origin: A family that skipped the country to hide from Riddle
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Dumbledore's niece, Harry's girlfriend
Annoying Special Abilites: Elemental powers
Other Annoying Traits: 4we57hj7 m8u9i0]-p]\=[

( She's in the hospital )

( Malfoy's punishment )

Current Mood: blah
Current Music: "Little Birdie" -- Vince Guaraldi

October 23rd, 2009

Pity Me, For I Am a Poor Transfer Sue (Part III)

dancing_chimera

10/23/09 11:52 am

Story Or Series Title: The Story Of Riley McClain
Fandom: Harry Potter
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: YamiTwilight

Full Name (plus titles if any): Riley McClain
Full Species(es): Tranfericus Witchius
Hair Color (include adjectives): Long, light brown
Eye Color (include adjectives): Dark brown
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None, so far.
Special Possessions (if any): None, so far.

Annoying Origin: The Pit
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Romance Sue for Fred and George.
Annoying Special Abilities: Can transfer schools easily and take classes in languages that she doesn’t speak.
Other Annoying Traits: Could give Bella Swan a run for her money in a whining contest.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

( Part III )

Current Location: Wouldn't you like to know...
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: "Bye Bye Beautiful" by Nightwish

October 22nd, 2009

The Half-Goat Elemental returns in an all-hawfinch spork.

tawaki

10/22/09 11:48 am

( Previous chapters )

Story or Series Title: The Girl in the Tower
Fandom: The Boy Who Set a Five-Step Mamba on the Suethors
~~Culprit~~Author's Name: SpookyMulder
Full Name: Sara Lemke
Full Species: Species 5618
Hair Color(Include Adjectives): Like a mood ring
Eye Color(Include Adjectives): "…the bluest violet…"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: A black widow mark from when she murdered Lucius Malfoy
Special Possessions: Harry's balls, the Marauders' Map
Annoying Origin: A family that skipped the country to hide from Riddle
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Dumbledore's niece, Harry's girlfriend
Annoying Special Abilites: Elemental powers
Other Annoying Traits: 4we57hj7 m8u9i0]-p]\=[

( Sue, Ron, and Hermione unpack while Harry tries to watch Monty Python )

( No, this is not the last chapter, kriff it! )

Current Mood: blank
Current Music: "Aho Aho" -- Jasbir Jassi

October 20th, 2009

Celebrian Sporking: Part Deuce

sarcasm_averted

10/20/09 09:36 pm

( Fics like this makes me want to turn to alcholism... )

Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: Cannibal Corpse - Make Them Suffer

October 17th, 2009

Pity Me, For I Am a Poor Transfer Sue (Part II)

dancing_chimera

10/17/09 08:53 pm

Story Or Series Title: The Story Of Riley McClain
Fandom: Harry Potter
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: YamiTwilight

Full Name (plus titles if any): Riley McClain
Full Species(es): Tranfericus Witchius
Hair Color (include adjectives): Long, light brown
Eye Color (include adjectives): Dark brown
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None, so far.
Special Possessions (if any): None, so far.

Annoying Origin: The Pit
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Romance Sue for George.
Annoying Special Abilities: Can transfer schools easily and take classes in languages that she doesn’t speak.
Other Annoying Traits: Could give Bella Swan a run for her money in a whining contest.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

( Chapter Two )

Current Location: Candy Mountain
Current Mood: satisfied
Current Music: "Lacrymosa" by Evanescence

October 16th, 2009

The Winchesters wish the Hermione Sue

nbaeker

10/16/09 11:25 pm

Story or Series Title : Hunters and Witches
Fandom : That's right. Supernatural/Harry Potter crossover!
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: slytherinbabe210
Full Species(es): Self inserticus CrossoverSue
Hair Colour (include adjectives): assuming brown
Eye Colour (include adjectives) : not mentioned
Unusual Markings/Colorations: not mentioned
Special Possessions (if any) : 1972 Chevy Comaro
Annoying Origin : mind of Suethor
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters : Claim to be them... and then join the cast of *another* fandom
Annoying Special Abilities : Hunter
Other Annoying Traits: existing
Previous Sporkings
Chapter 1

( Would stay the heck away from their world )

This Sue Is Not A Bad Person. Really. Just ask Fred and George.

dancing_chimera

10/16/09 09:21 pm

Just for the record, I am not limiting all of my sporking to the first chapter. The last fic hasn't been updated.

Story Or Series Title: New (Imaginative, right?)
Fandom: Harry Potter
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: twilightwisher6

Full Name (plus titles if any): Evangeline Discordia Patterson
Full Species(es): Suicus Relativi Romanticus
Hair Color (include adjectives): Waist length, straight, black with silver bangs
Eye Color (include adjectives): Stormy gray
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Snake bites, four piercing in her ears, scorpion tattoo on her foot, an “I bite” tattoo with fangs on her hip. And I imagine that both of her boarding schools are totally okay with this.
Special Possessions (if any): Lots of money. An owl that is the prettiest, smartest, fastest, bestest owl in the world.

Annoying Origin: The Pit
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Cousins with both Bellatrix and Draco. (Apparently, the Black family has a bigger problem with incest than we previously thought.) Daughter of two of Voldy’s servants.
Annoying Special Abilities: Can make Fred and George fall in love with her.
Other Annoying Traits: Feels this pressing need to explain to us that she is not a bad person.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

( You asked for it. )

Disclaimer: I don’t really think that you’re a horrible person if you spend large sums of money on frivolous things. I only think that you’re a horrible person if you feel the need to explain at length why you are not a horrible person.

Current Location: That's a good question...
Current Mood: jubilant
Current Music: "I Do Not Hook Up" by Kelly Clarkson

In which I lack orginality and a good sense of humor (NSFW)

sarcasm_averted

10/16/09 08:51 pm

In a far off land called Middle earth there lived the mysterious race known as the elves. For thousands of year these beautiful and immortal beings fought the embodiments of evil all the while fighting the demons that lurked within themselves. This is a story about how one eleven woman tries overcomes the darkness within her that slowly consumes her.

Sadly, this isn't that story. No, this is madness. This is Celebrian.

( Giant orc penises, rape, and stupidity! Oh my! )

Current Mood: dirty

The Hermione as a Supernatural Sue Story!

nbaeker

10/16/09 12:47 pm

Story or Series Title : Hunters and Witches
Fandom : That's right. Supernatural/Harry Potter crossover!
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: slytherinbabe210
Full Species(es): Self inserticus CrossoverSue
Hair Colour (include adjectives): assuming brown
Eye Colour (include adjectives) : not mentioned
Unusual Markings/Colorations: not mentioned
Special Possessions (if any) : 1972 Chevy Comaro
Annoying Origin : mind of Suethor
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters : Claim to be them... and then join the cast of *another* fandom
Annoying Special Abilities : Hunter
Other Annoying Traits: existing

( I missed you all, everything! Except the badfic )

October 10th, 2009

Birthday Spork

silvereriena

10/10/09 10:35 am

Yes folks, today is my birthday and I'm turning 19! As a birthday present to myself, I am sporking the abomination known as Fated to Love, starring Haldir and a 30-year old Sue with srs issues.

The links to the other sporks can be found in my last spork which is only a few scrolls down the list, so there's no need to link them here.

( In which a Battle Scene has never been more snore-inducing )

Current Location: Room
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: Boondock Saints Theme Song

Quick, get the hammer! It's another Sue!

fox_murphy

10/10/09 12:19 pm

Story Or Series Title: The Secret Potter
Fandom: Harry Potter
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: MizBanana

Full Name (plus titles if any): Ella/Ellie Potter (the author can't seem to decide)
Full Species(es): Type 3 - The Extra Sibling Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): not given
Eye Color (include adjectives): not given
Unusual Markings/Colorations: not given
Special Possessions (if any): allegedly, a relation to Harry

Annoying Origin: James and Lily's extra child
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Harry's sister. Somehow they are exactly the same age, but are not twins.
Annoying Special Abilities: None so far, but I'm sure something's coming
Other Annoying Traits: Sheer existence?

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

( Can we ban people from writing fic? )

October 9th, 2009

Pity Me, For I Am a Poor Transfer Sue

dancing_chimera

10/9/09 06:05 pm

Story Or Series Title: The Life Of Riley McClain
Fandom: Harry Potter
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: YamiTwilight

Full Name (plus titles if any): Riley McClain
Full Species(es): Tranfericus Witchius
Hair Color (include adjectives): Long, light brown
Eye Color (include adjectives): Dark brown
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None, so far.
Special Possessions (if any): None, so far.

Annoying Origin: The Pit
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Romance Sue for Fred and George.
Annoying Special Abilities: Can transfer schools easily and take classes in languages that she doesn’t speak.
Other Annoying Traits: Could give Bella Swan a run for her money in a whining contest.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

( Oops! Cut! I'm SO sorry! )

Current Location: The cold part of Hell
Current Mood: creative
Current Music: "Single Ladies" by Beyonce

October 7th, 2009

(no subject)

silvereriena

10/7/09 03:42 pm

Seeing as how I've been MIA AGAIN (it's not my fault really, and I should actually be working right now), I'm bringing you Chapter 3 of the Haldir sapfic Fated To Love, where our unloveable Sue who is 30 and still has LotR-plastered walls like a teenager BAMFS to Middle Earth where it seems to be veering into movieverse and is going to fight to protect her ELF-LUMPKINS aka Haldir. By the way, he finally makes his appearance!

Part one can be found here.
Part two can be found here.

( I am a man but deep down, I feel that I am a cheese plant. )

Current Location: Room
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Jason Mraz - The Dynamo of Volition

Defy me not the bleep substances!

aztec_the_great

10/7/09 05:54 pm

Story Or Series Title: Defy Not the Heart
Fandom: Harry Potter and the Sparkly Vampires from Pretty Land
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: Aewnaur
Synopsis:

Slash: EC/HP
Warnings: abuse violence
Summary: Harry comes to Forks as a patient for Dr. Cullen. He was only supposed to stay until he healed enough to go back to the war. Will he discover a reason to stay?

Full Name (plus titles if any): Harry Potter/Jonquil Kaolin/Jon and Edward Cullen
Hair Color (include adjectives): Harry has “His black hair was a wild dirty mane but he could see where the dark red would highlight it” Edward has “He had copper and bronze hair like a frozen flame, it stuck up everywhere like he had driven to school in a convertible with the top down.”

Eye Color (include adjectives): Harry has “Bright green eyes danced with whatever he was thinking” Edward has “His eyes were warm amber”

Unusual Markings/Colorations: Harry is “Tiny and very feminine yet with a strong masculine jaw and physique.” Harry also has many scars over his back and on his wrists.
Special Possessions (if any): Apparently, each other’s balls in future. Harry has the cullen crest wristbands. His shoes.

Annoying Origin: The warped brain of a Twihard HP fan
Annoying Special Abilities: existing

Other Traits:

Harry will be “truly extraordinary when he was healed”

Harry gave up part of his humanity to weaken Voldemort, so he isn’t all human anymore

Lilly apparently had creature blood in her lineage so Harry never was completely human to start off with.

Harry is now a pixie.
Harry smells like flowers.
Edward can’t read Harry’s thoughts
Alice can’t sense Harry’s future
This list is depressing me

Part 4 is here with links to the previous parts.

( Bring the bleepka... )

Current Location: Asylum
Current Mood: cranky
Current Music: Firefly OST

October 4th, 2009

The further "adventures" of Malfoy's Sister

alukonis

10/4/09 06:14 pm

Story Or Series Title: The Malfoy's Daughter
Fandom: George Weasley. Didn't you know those books were about him?
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: BellaCullen2312 oh god there's 2,312 of them?

Full Name (plus titles if any): Violet Malfoy, aka Jelly. Yes, Jelly.
Full Species(es): Familia Extranea
Hair Color (include adjectives): blond, just like Draco!
Eye Color (include adjectives): blue, just like Draco!
Unusual Markings/Colorations: none so far
Special Possessions (if any): George's balls, eventually

Annoying Origin: Pit of ~~Doom~~ Voles
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: is Draco Malfoy's twin sister
Annoying Special Abilities: Can somehow be close with Draco and yet not an asshat. Others may yet manifest.
Other Annoying Traits: Totally ripping off Sirius's rebellion against his family so that she can be in Gryffindor and hook up with George.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Sporking with me again is Klaus, who failed to spot the cleverly-disguised pit trap I laid for him. I will be in blue. On to chapter two yaaaaay.

( Yes, JELLY )

October 3rd, 2009

Draco has a sister. Brace for wangst in 3... 2...

alukonis

10/3/09 12:09 am

Story Or Series Title: The Malfoy's Daughter
Fandom: George Weasley. Didn't you know those books were about him?
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: BellaCullen2312 oh god there's 2,312 of them?

Full Name (plus titles if any): Violet Malfoy
Full Species(es): Familia Extranea
Hair Color (include adjectives): blond, just like Draco!
Eye Color (include adjectives): blue, just like Draco!
Unusual Markings/Colorations: none so far
Special Possessions (if any): George's balls, eventually

Annoying Origin: Pit of ~~Doom~~ Voles
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: is Draco Malfoy's twin sister
Annoying Special Abilities: Can somehow be close with Draco and yet not an asshat. Others may yet manifest.
Other Annoying Traits: Totally ripping off Sirius's rebellion against his family so that she can be in Gryffindor and hook up with George.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

( At least there's not a paragraph about her hair )

The Continuing Adventures of Sirius and Bella: Part Two

dancing_chimera

10/3/09 12:39 am

Story Or Series Title: One of Those Love Stories
Fandom: Harry Potter
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: carebearluv101

Full Name (plus titles if any): Arabella Frell. Yet another one that I’m sure wouldn’t look at all out of place on a class roster with “James,” “Peter,” and “Lily.”
Full Species(es): Romanticus Obsessii Sueicus
Hair Color (include adjectives): Not mentioned, but it’s curly.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Not mentioned yet.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None so far.
Special Possessions (if any): Eventually Sirius’ balls, I’m sure. A spot on some list of the Hottest girls at Hogwarts.

Annoying Origin: The Pit.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Old friends with James. Best friends with Lily. In love with Sirius.
Annoying Special Abilities: Is the worst match imaginable for Sirius, but will undoubtedly end up with him anyway.
Other Annoying Traits: Drops name-brands like none other. Is totally obsessed with Sirius.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

( Chapter Two )

Current Location: I don't have one.
Current Mood: cold
Current Music: "How Nice I Really Am" by Home Free

October 1st, 2009

SPARTANS! Tonight we dine in Edoras!

alukonis

10/1/09 11:31 pm

Story Or Series Title: Spartans of Middle Earth
Fandom: The title says it all, really
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: Costin

Full Name (plus titles if any): Leonidas, dead King of Sparta, and his dead Spartan warriors. Plus one that isn't dead but is there anyway.
Full Species(es): Ancient Greeks
Hair Color (include adjectives): none given, assumed canon
Eye Color (include adjectives): none given, assumed canon
Unusual Markings/Colorations: a "tatoo" on the right arm of a gold star with an eagle in the middle
Special Possessions (if any): "Each sword had a hilt of two eagles meeting togheter and each shield had a constelation of golden stars, the helmet was plain save for the unusual color, there where also sheats for the swords which where linked to a sturdy leather belt." The swords are steel, not bronze. And magic. They all get magic swords. No, really.
Annoying Origin: Eru Ilúvatar likes to randomly put ancient Greek warriors into Middle Earth. No, really.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: They bamf in and save Boromir and are instant BFFs.
Annoying Special Abilities: Can speak Westron like it was Greek. Or Greek like it was Westron.
Other Annoying Traits: They're Spartans. In Middle Earth.

It really just keeps getting worse.

( Plus one more Gary Stu! )

And that is chapter three. I really really really hate the new Gary Stu. Who even does that, honestly.

That Still Qualifies as Assault, Right?

fox_murphy

10/1/09 05:18 pm

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

Story Or Series Title: Dagger Collector
Fandom: Harry Potter
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: Hades'Queen
Full Name (plus titles if any): Jadis Luna
Full Species(es): Stereotypical Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): black, silky hair that was tied up in a sloppy bun that he thought that she might have fixed rather a half-hazard or in a lazy manner
Eye Color (include adjectives): very striking pair of black eyes that looked like they were smoldering with something beneath their surface that did not reach her calm and serene façade
Unusual Markings/Colorations: a streak of red in her hair
Special Possessions (if any): A cat.
Annoying Origin: Half Spanish, half British, all Sue
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: virtually none
Annoying Special Abilities: The ability to make up spells as she goes.
Other Annoying Traits: given to random bouts of emo-ness
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

( Somehow I feel like I should have seen this coming... )

Current Mood: amused

September 30th, 2009

This Fic is Riddikulus

fox_murphy

9/30/09 11:23 am

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Story Or Series Title: Dagger Collector
Fandom: Harry Potter
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: Hades'Queen
Full Name (plus titles if any): Jadis Luna
Full Species(es): Stereotypical Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): black, silky hair that was tied up in a sloppy bun that he thought that she might have fixed rather a half-hazard or in a lazy manner
Eye Color (include adjectives): very striking pair of black eyes that looked like they were smoldering with something beneath their surface that did not reach her calm and serene façade
Unusual Markings/Colorations: a streak of red in her hair
Special Possessions (if any): A cat.
Annoying Origin: Half Spanish, half British, all Sue
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: virtually none
Annoying Special Abilities: The ability to make up spells as she goes.
Other Annoying Traits: given to random bouts of emo-ness
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

( I'd say prepare for the fight scene, but this fic is too emo to have one. )

September 29th, 2009

Another Sue. Just what Sirius needed.

dancing_chimera

9/29/09 11:55 pm

Story Or Series Title: One of Those Love Stories
Fandom: Harry Potter
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: carebearluv101

Full Name (plus titles if any): Arabella Frell. Yet another one that I’m sure wouldn’t look at all out of place on a class roster with “James,” “Peter,” and “Lily.”
Full Species(es): Romanticus Obsessii Sueicus
Hair Color (include adjectives): Not mentioned, but it’s curly.
Eye Color (include adjectives): I haven’t found an explicit mention, but she fantasizes about their children having “sparkling blue” eyes that would obviously not come from Sirius, so I’m guessing blue.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None so far.
Special Possessions (if any): Eventually Sirius’ balls, I’m sure. A spot on some list of the Hottest girls at Hogwarts.

Annoying Origin: The Pit.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Old friends with James. Best friends with Lily. In love with Sirius.
Annoying Special Abilities: Is the worst match imaginable for Sirius, but will undoubtedly end up with him anyway.
Other Annoying Traits: Drops name-brands like none other. Is totally obsessed with Sirius.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

( Shorter than the last one, but far more painful )

Current Location: That place with that thing.
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: "Run and Tell That" from Hairspray

(no subject)

calen_greenleaf

9/29/09 02:08 pm

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5346572/1/My_Heart_Draws_A_Dream
Two Sues steal Aragorn's movie lines. *stabs*

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5313513/1/To_be_Black
...no comment.

The infamous Phantom's Ange updates. Guess what? Gandalf's the Sue's grandfather. *FACEPALM*

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5389968/1/When_darkness_touched_innocents
Is weird. And I don't feel like wasting time trying to understand it.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5404981/1/The_Story_of_Aaron_son_of_Corrin
Really bad writing.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5312168/1/Love_At_First_Sight_Please_Be_Serious
Cliche. Yawn.

*disappears again*

September 27th, 2009

Logic hit the eject button and ran away

alukonis

9/27/09 05:30 pm

Story or Series Title: Spartans of Middle Earth
Fandom: The title says it all, really
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: Costin

Full Name (plus titles if any): Leonidas, dead King of Sparta, and his dead Spartan warriors. Plus one that isn't dead but is there anyway.
Full Species(es): Ancient Greeks
Hair Color (include adjectives): none given, assumed canon
Eye Color (include adjectives): none given, assumed canon
Unusual Markings/Colorations: a "tatoo" on the right arm of a gold star with an eagle in the middle
Special Possessions (if any): "Each sword had a hilt of two eagles meeting togheter and each shield had a constelation of golden stars, the helmet was plain save for the unusual color, there where also sheats for the swords which where linked to a sturdy leather belt." The swords are steel, not bronze. And magic. They all get magic swords. No, really.
Annoying Origin: Eru Ilúvatar likes to randomly put ancient Greek warriors into Middle Earth. No, really.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: They bamf in and save Boromir and are instant BFFs.
Annoying Special Abilities: Can speak Westron like it was Greek. Or Greek like it was Westron.
Other Annoying Traits: They're Spartans. In Middle Earth.

Today’s spork will feature an OC of mine, Klaus, in green. I will as usual be in blue.

( I regret EVERYTHING )</div>

September 23rd, 2009

Part the Fourth

fox_murphy

9/23/09 11:26 am

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

Story Or Series Title: Dagger Collector
Fandom: Harry Potter
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: Hades'Queen
Full Name (plus titles if any): Jadis Luna
Full Species(es): Stereotypical Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): black, silky hair that was tied up in a sloppy bun that he thought that she might have fixed rather a half-hazard or in a lazy manner
Eye Color (include adjectives): very striking pair of black eyes that looked like they were smoldering with something beneath their surface that did not reach her calm and serene façade
Unusual Markings/Colorations: a streak of red in her hair
Special Possessions (if any): A cat.
Annoying Origin: Half Spanish, half British, all Sue
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: virtually none
Annoying Special Abilities: The ability to make up spells as she goes.
Other Annoying Traits: given to random bouts of emo-ness
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

( In which the Sue finally realizes that yes, Potions does suck. )

September 22nd, 2009

So if I thought I was scarred for life before...

fox_murphy

9/22/09 11:09 pm

Part 1
Part 2

Story Or Series Title: Dagger Collector
Fandom: Harry Potter
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: Hades'Queen
Full Name (plus titles if any): Jadis Luna
Full Species(es): Stereotypical Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): black, silky hair that was tied up in a sloppy bun that he thought that she might have fixed rather a half-hazard or in a lazy manner
Eye Color (include adjectives): very striking pair of black eyes that looked like they were smoldering with something beneath their surface that did not reach her calm and serene façade
Unusual Markings/Colorations: a streak of red in her hair
Special Possessions (if any): A cat.
Annoying Origin: Half Spanish, half British, all Sue
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: virtually none
Annoying Special Abilities: The ability to make up spells as she goes.
Other Annoying Traits: given to random bouts of emo-ness
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Chapter 3, in which the Sue does SUPER SPECIAL MAGIC...and I am officially scarred for life.

( And then the unthinkable happened (except, nothing surprising ever happens in this fic, so jk) )

Legolas' BrainDeadZombieBride

zoe_i_am

9/22/09 12:40 am

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Part Eight

Story Or Series Title: The_Golden_Curtain
Fandom: Don't Ask Me About the Ring!
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: ToledaSarrah

Full Name (plus titles if any): Esta Kyra
Full Species(es): Sicillian Elf
Hair Color (include adjectives): brown, messy, she can't use a brush
Eye Color (include adjectives): blue, watery
Unusual Markings/Colorations: pale skin, etc
Special Possessions (if any): piano, necklace, embryo, horsie, tacky dresses

Annoying Origin: Too much salami at bedtime
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Got Legolas' sperm
Annoying Special Abilities: Can breathe underwater, bitches like nobody's business
Other Annoying Traits: Just read...you'll see

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

( In Which Legolas Writes Home and then Gets Married )

Current Location: one too many Baggins to the head
Current Mood: drunk
Current Music: Dragonfly - Cruxshadows

September 21st, 2009

MADNESS? THIS! IS! ...Middle Earth?

alukonis

9/21/09 01:41 pm

Story Or Series Title: Spartans of Middle Earth
Fandom: The title says it all, really
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: Costin

Full Name (plus titles if any): Leonidas, dead King of Sparta, and his dead Spartan warriors. Plus one that isn't dead but is there anyway.
Full Species(es): Ancient Greeks
Hair Color (include adjectives): none given, assumed canon
Eye Color (include adjectives): none given, assumed canon
Unusual Markings/Colorations: a "tatoo" on the right arm of a gold star with an eagle in the middle
Special Possessions (if any): "Each sword had a hilt of two eagles meeting togheter and each shield had a constelation of golden stars, the helmet was plain save for the unusual color, there where also sheats for the swords which where linked to a sturdy leather belt." The swords are steel, not bronze. And magic. They all get magic swords. No, really.
Annoying Origin: Eru Ilúvatar likes to randomly put ancient Greek warriors into Middle Earth. No, really.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: They bamf in and save Boromir and are instant BFFs.
Annoying Special Abilities: Can speak Westron like it was Greek. Or Greek like it was Westron.
Other Annoying Traits: They're Spartans. In Middle Earth.

I don't generally read crossovers but I saw this and just HAD TO. Had. To. In the spirit of WTF-crossovers, Nathan Explosion will join me in brutal black bold. I will be in blue. By the way, this story is not in the crossover section of ff.net because the writer "wanted more people to read it."

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

( what is this I don't even )

There are five more chapters of this up, and they're just as full of wtfuckery as this one. I don't think being a non-native speaker excuses the where/were confusion but it's ALL OVER THE PLACE so I didn't even bother trying to correct it.

September 18th, 2009

Sue thinks she's a fish now.

zoe_i_am

9/18/09 10:49 pm

Story Or Series Title: The_Golden_Curtain

Fandom: Lord of the Harlequins
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: ToledaSarrah

It does go on, doesn't it?

( In Which Many Plans Are Formed )

Current Location: shovelling
Current Mood: nauseated
Current Music: Black Velvet - Alannah Myles

The Hits Just Keep Coming

fox_murphy

9/18/09 02:15 pm

Part 1 (in case you missed it)

Story Or Series Title: Dagger Collector
Fandom: Harry Potter
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: Hades'Queen
Full Name (plus titles if any): Jadis Luna
Full Species(es): Stereotypical Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): black, silky hair that was tied up in a sloppy bun that he thought that she might have fixed rather a half-hazard or in a lazy manner
Eye Color (include adjectives): very striking pair of black eyes that looked like they were smoldering with something beneath their surface that did not reach her calm and serene façade
Unusual Markings/Colorations: a streak of red in her hair
Special Possessions (if any): A cat.
Annoying Origin: Half Spanish, half British, all Sue
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: virtually none
Annoying Special Abilities: The ability to make up spells as she goes.
Other Annoying Traits: given to random bouts of emo-ness
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Chapter 2, wherein we find out just why the Sue has a heart attack at the mention of Potions class.

( That tearing sound you just heard was my soul being irreparably damaged. )

September 17th, 2009

Legolas gets another mask! And then it gets really bad.

zoe_i_am

9/17/09 10:52 pm

Story Or Series Title: The_Golden_Curtain
Fandom: So Much For The Ring
~~Culprit~~ Author's Name: ToledaSarrah

Full Name (plus titles if any): Esta Kyra, Queen in Waiting
Full Species(es): Interbreed
Hair Color (include adjectives): Brown
Eye Color (include adjectives): Watery Blue
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Bruised Lips, etc
Special Possessions (if any): Magic Thingamabob #12, a homemade piano, Manilla the horse,

Annoying Origin: The Magic Land of Sicilee
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Has become Legolas' Lurve Slave
Annoying Special Abilities: The usual, bitchier that a badger with PMS, arrogant as a grizzly with a bat,
Other Annoying Traits: Can breed

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

( In Which Bad Things Happen )

Current Location: chasing the kids upstairs
Current Mood: frustrated
Current Music: I'll stand by you - Pretenders

Pass the Sporks & Bleeprin.

You talentless hack--

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