Pass the Sporks & Bleeprin.

Story Or Series Title: To love the Third Marshall
Fandom: Lord of the Rings, in a roundabout sort of way
Culprit Author's Name: cuteepiee1

Full Name (plus titles if any): Aiden or Aidan. Another will come soon.
Full Species(es): Apparently she’s the only one of her family who isn’t a Dunedin (I’m going to assume that means everyone else is a city, because it makes the story far more tolerable when all this uncanonocity (can I use that?) is being visited on several concentrations of skyscrapers).
Hair Color (include adjectives): Not given
Eye Color (include adjectives): Not given
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Not given
Special Possessions (if any): Not given

Annoying Origin: Supposedly Gilraen’s womb (see end for thoughts on the matter)
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Aragorn’s sister, will eventually screw Eomer, is Eowyn’s bff.
Annoying Special Abilities: …she lives?
Other Annoying Traits: see above.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Story Or Series Title: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4392815/1/The_Road_Goes_Ever_On_Part_One_The_Fellowship

Fandom: The Lord of Does Not Compute
Culprit Author's Name:Annex-Writer
Full Name (plus titles if any): Isildur, Elrond, “Celebrain” (No, I’m not kidding), the rest of the crew.
Full Species(es): Isildur: Husbandia Cheateris, subspecies: Wearia Jewelris Mala, Elrond: Ex-girlfriendia, subspecies: Isildur is the improbable babydaddy, “Celebrain”: Mistakeni Nameia Aganis
Hair Color (include adjectives): as canon. Take a good, long look. That’s the last you’ll see of canon.
Eye Color (include adjectives): as canon
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Elrond’s pregnant with Isildur’s REAL heir. That hurt me to type it.
Special Possessions (if any): Isildur’s actual heir, Aragorn, who can apparently live for two thousand years, and marry his sister. Ew.  
Annoying Origin: *breaks down, incoherently apologizing to J.R.R. Tolkien*
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: …I don’t want to talk about it.
Annoying Special Abilities: Elrond can have children by other men. Angsts like a mistress wanting to know why her lover won’t take her out in public.
Other Annoying Traits: What, the baby wasn’t annoying enough? How about my ability to come up with fake Latin? That’s pretty annoying…

Well, here is yet another Male-Character-Inexplicably-Can-Have-Babies-And-Whines-About-It fic. Only this time, it's ELROND, and it's even more impossible than before! I’m in bold, and this is not mine. But for fanfiction, the premises in this story wouldn’t even have occurred to me.

Story Or Series Title: “Forever Autumn”
Fandom: Lord of the Temporal Displacement
Culprit Author's Name: Forfiwen Alaturine
Full Name (plus titles if any): Taur-nu-Ithil, Eryn Ithil… yes this is the FOREST. The Suethor sued a FOREST, Maeglin, a host of other people we don’t care about, King Thranduil, and Legolas.
Full Species(es): Forest. Elves.
Hair Color (include adjectives): The Forest is perpetually autumnal. Maeglin is blond. Yes, you read that correctly, blond.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Grey, presumably.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: none specified
Special Possessions (if any): Other than the Sue Forest of Autumn, none
Annoying Origin: The Dark Realm of WTFery
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Not nearly connected enough, although the Suethor has perfected annoying.
Annoying Special Abilities: Can ride around in a cursed forest while chattering inanely. The ability to psychically tell us about what they’re feeling without any character development whatsoever. WHATSOEVER.
Other Annoying Traits: Can state questions. Their names are constantly identified.

I give you a shining example of yet another Suethor completely missing the point. ZOOM! There it went!

Story Or Series Title: The Unknown Prophecy
Fandom: Lord of the Rings
Culprit Author's Name: WorldTraveler06
Full Name (plus titles if any): Larien
Full Species(es): Human/ (presumably)
Hair Color (include adjectives): not given
Eye Color (include adjectives): not given    
Unusual Markings/Colorations: not given
Special Possessions (if any): A special prophecy. Apparently she’s the ‘red rider’, and something unpleasant will happen to Faramir if he gets involved with her. A dress of ‘shiny light green and the sleeves where long and white with flowers pinned to them’, rags
Annoying Origin: A suethor’s twisted mind
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Faramir falls madly in love with her. Her father was Denethor’s greatest advisor. Somehow she’s allowed to speak to Elrond and Arwen.
Annoying Special Abilities: She makes Boromir annoy Myth and, trust us, that is a difficult thing to do
Other Annoying Traits: is Survived an orc attack on her home with nothing but a door in between her and them. Is now a servant, in charge of Boromir’s and Faramir’s comfort.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Story Or Series Title: Lupin's True Love (because that title hardly sounds sueish at all)
Fandom: Which one? Because this is epic. Eventually it becomes a Harry Potter/LotR/Xmen (movies, I assume)/ Power Rangers: Mystic Force/PotC/Inuyasha/Star Wars/Charmed/Fantastic 4 crossover. There may be more to come, probably Tomb Raider, if we decide not to ignore Veronica’s original last name.
Culprit Author's Name: Carey Ann Lupin

A note: as these stories have many, many chapters and almost as many sues, I will profile one sue a chapter, because I am essentially a lazy person and can’t even make myself think about organizing all of them.

A warning: This will be a long project. A very long project. I cannot be held responsible for any loss of brain cells due to the stupidity of this fic.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Lily Evans
Full Species(es): Human/ witch
Hair Color (include adjectives): auburn
Eye Color (include adjectives): presumably canon, but you never know.            
Unusual Markings/Colorations: none given
Special Possessions (if any): a wand

Annoying Origin: presumably canon
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: tries to be one
Annoying Special Abilities: Pretending to be a kick-ass canon character
Other Annoying Traits: getting along with James (or a replacement of him) in the second year, being afraid of Narcissa and Bellatrix, being afraid of Peeves, being afraid of practically everything
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Story Or Series Title: Lupin's True Love (because that title hardly sounds sueish at all)
Fandom: Which one? Because this is epic. Eventually it becomes a Harry Potter/LotR/Xmen (movies, I assume)/ Power Rangers: Mystic Force/PotC/Inuyasha/Star Wars/Charmed/Fantastic 4 crossover. There may be more to come, probably Tomb Raider, if we decide not to ignore Veronica’s original last name.
Culprit Author's Name: Carey Ann Lupin

A note: as these stories have many, many chapters and almost as many sues, I will profile each sue before the chapter where they first appear, because I am essentially a lazy person and can’t even make myself think about organizing all of them. Chapters without new sues (few and far between, especially in the sequel) will have a profile arbitrarily selected and updated.

A warning: This will be a long project. A very long project. I cannot be held responsible for any loss of brain cells due to the stupidity of this fic.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Veronica Lynn Croft-Lupin (nee Potter), aka ‘Lioness’
Full Species(es): Human (I think)
Hair Color (include adjectives): ‘waist length’ ‘soft’ dark brown
Eye Color (include adjectives): Veronica’s eyes are normally grey, but they flash different colors depending on her mood (Why oh why do I always run into the eye-flashing sues?). Violet is a favorite, as in ‘Veronica’s eyes flashed violet with anger’
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Well, she turns into a lioness. Does that count?
Special Possessions (if any): A wand, eventually a phoenix, a broom, a house elf, a few coordinated gift outfits, abusive parents who die conveniently in the first few chapters and clear the way for her to live with the Potters (who, by the way, are her birthparents, but they gave her away because they knew she was ‘special’. Yes, that is an exact quote), books, an archnemesis named Anthony Abernathy, who I would dearly love to hand a gold star for at least trying to make her life miserable.

Annoying Origin: James’ mother’s womb (in this story, she’s named Evelyn)
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: *clears throat* well, V screws and eventually marries Remus, has one 18 year-old daughter by him, we learn in the sequel, and is eventually pregnant with triplets (two girls and a boy), she’s James’ sister, Harry’s aunt and godmother, Snape’s schoolboy crush, there’s something about Voldemort needing her to produce a child by him
Annoying Special Abilities: She’s an animagus. There’s a prophecy. Need I say more?
Other Annoying Traits: excessive hair flipping. I may have to add a count at the bottom of each chapter, just to keep you all informed. She gets transferred to the second year after the first day. She and Remus pledge their undying love at the ages of eleven and twelve, respectively. MWPP get the idea of animagi from her, and she does a lot of the work. The rating of the first story has been upped to M.
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Story Or Series Title: What We Teach And Learn
Fandom: Supposedly LOTR but I think it’s lying…
Culprit Author's Name: KaprinaVari

Full Name (plus titles if any): Antonella, Max and Opal Grace Mitchell. Three Sues of epic proportions of stupid.
Full Species(es): Not quite sure, but they aren’t human.
Hair Color (include adjectives): Antonella has ‘long dark brown hair’ and Opal has ‘sandy colored pigtails’.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Opal, we are constantly reminded, has grey eyes.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: A target on their foreheads with which we will attempt to shoot arrows at them.
Special Possessions (if any): Stupidness.

Annoying Origin: The Pit Of Voles.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: None. What canon?
Annoying Special Abilities: Is stupidity a special ability?
Other Annoying Traits: Massacring not only the English language, but also the Italian language.

WARNING: This fic reaches epic levels of stupid. Bring painkillers and vodka.

Story Or Series Title: “Silk on Steel”
Fandom: The-Boy-Who-Is-Not-Appearing-In-This-Fic
Culprit Author's Name: twighunter
Full Name (plus titles if any): Lily Daggersbit of the Clan of Evans, later Lillian Merry Lassana de Orchid
Full Species(es): Mutant Reject from the Highlands
Hair Color (include adjectives): “long, frizzy dark red hair”
Eye Color (include adjectives): …grey for some reason
Unusual Markings/Colorations: none specified
Special Possessions (if any): She’s a “courtesan-in-training”, and has an unhealthy obsession with being turned into a swan.
Annoying Origin: The Scottish Highlands. I kid you not.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: What canon?
Annoying Special Abilities: Can tumble and run for four hours straight, can speak in a warm, soft, musical tone of voice, can ride a horse, and can wield a knife because it’s “necessary”. Can Flashdance. Her clothing talks to her.
Other Annoying Traits: Uses “of” incorrectly when identifying her clan, wangsts over her chosen profession, is ZOMG the most perfect courtesan-in-training EVAR, abused by her family, and BAWWWW has only one true friend- the Phantom of the Opera.

The Suethor makes up not only a new English river, and a Scottish song about said English river, she double-Sues the Crystalline Tear. Yes, it’s possible to make the Crystalline Tear even worse.