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Deleterius is a place full of snarky, bitter, jaded, and somewhat bored canon nazis who will not hesitate to tear you several new orifices should you have the audacity to rape their beloved canon and their beloved canon characters.
We make no attempts to be objective, fair, or even remotely nice here. This is OUR playground after all.

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It'll save us all a lot of trouble.

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July 11th, 2009

Chapter 1. The prologue is sporked here.

I remembered this chapter as being unremarkable and dull. Well, I suppose it’s dull, but it’s actually quite spectacular for the amount of self-contradiction and absurdities it contains. If you do read it yourself, I recommend reading the hilarious “A Predicament” afterwards to get the bad taste out of your system.

Me Critic Editor Insanity Jester several

Story Or Series Title: Tainted With Memories And Scars

Rated: M for Mature (for gore and sex)
Fandom:
LotR (approx. 95% movieverse, 4.9% bookverse, and trace amounts of preservatives.)
Culprit Author's Name:
Bellethiel_Merilwen

Full Name (plus titles if any):
Trinity Erin Night. Other OC’s: Scarlette Rowe; Dezaria Johnson; Faith Evans; Destiny Motto
lots of OCs = an extra cut )

Non-Annoying Stuff: Good spelling; halfway-decent grammar and mechanics aside from the punctuation. Doesn’t ignore or belittle Gimli. She does use him as her go-to character for poking fun and other less-than-noble activities (which is rather akin to how the movies treated him, so she can’t be entirely blamed).

Overall this fanfic author seems to be a fairly capable writer. However, I find parts of this just too irritating (or absurd) to let go unchallenged.


Please include a small sample of the worst of this story: (Do NOT post more than half of a chapter, whole chapters, or whole stories, regardless of how short they are)

'New York City?!' 'Get the rope.' )

July 10th, 2009

This was brought up by [info]calen_greenleaf recently a while ago a long while ago at some point during the Late Cretaceous Period. Anyway, since the first claimant seems to have moved on, I'm taking it on.

There are a lot of OCs (most of whom disappear for most of the story) and a lot of things going on in this looong story, so the intro sections will generally include only those relevant to the current chapter. Blame for the horrible pseudo-Latin lies with me.


Me Critic Editor Insanity Jester Violence several


Story Or Series Title: Tainted With Memories And Scars

Rated: M for Mature (for gore and sex)
Fandom: LotR (approx. 98% movieverse, 1.9% bookverse, and trace amounts of preservatives. Plus a bunch of artificial flavorings, most of which have floated to the top. This is why you stir before serving.)
Culprit Author's Name:
Bellethiel_Merilwen

Full Name (plus titles if any): Evalgine
Full Species(es): Evalgine (Speshul cutouticus): Supposedly Human.
Hair Color (include adjectives): Evalgine: I'll guess black.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Evalgine: "brilliant green"
(The author tends to identify characters by eye color, which is to say that she personifies the eyes—in fact, if this were a movie, everyone’s eyes would probably have to be paid their own wages. This can work if you don’t overdo it. Unfortunately, she overdoes it. Fortunately, eyes are the only parts of characters’ physical appearances she really overemphasizes.)
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Evalgine: Blood all over herself in the first chapter—her own blood, in fact.
Special Possessions (if any): Evalgine: A very unfortunate name and an arrow in her flesh.

Annoying Origin: Evalgine: Some Human Kingdom or another.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Evalgine: The X-rated variety. Oh, did I mention she’s all of fifteen years of age?
Annoying Special Abilities: The “melodramatic death” schtick.
Other Annoying Traits: Early on: The “sex = rite of passage to adulthood” cliché. Wallowing in the emotions of a moment. Later: Struggling with the difference between a comma and a semi-colon. Repeated neglect of the hyphen. Suffocating or abusing the meaning out of “slowly”, “fine”, “evenly”, “slightly”, and other words and phrases. Most of that is tame stuff, isn’t it? I’ve killed men for less. Really? . . . No.



Non-annoying stuff )



On that note, I cannot be held responsible for misunderstandings resulting from any of Jester’s “summaries”. <_<

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story: (Do NOT post more than half of a chapter, whole chapters, or whole stories, regardless of how short they are)


A disclaimer, and then pain right from the start . . . )



Really, that’s the horrible part. Unless you like that sort of stuff, in which case it’s the fantastic part. Either way, further excerpts (and headings!) should be much shorter.

July 8th, 2009

Story Or Series Title: Dominus Lestrange and the Order of the Phoenix
Fandom: Harry Potter
Culprit Author's Name: HanzoHattoriRulez238

Full Name (plus titles if any): Dominus Lestrange
Full Species(es): Gary Stu Wizard
Hair Color (include adjectives): Dyed dark green.
Eye Color (include adjectives): I'm going to assume gray until informed otherwise.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: A headband wrapped around his arm. It is a marking. Because it's usual.
Special Possessions (if any): Black and blue robes. Like a bruise.

Annoying Origin: After being birthed by a Death Eater, he did something for fifteen years than decided to go to Hogwarts. Just for fun.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Son of Bellatrix Lestrange. Cousin of the Malfoys (obviously). Eventual Ginny love-interest. Calls Ron names.
Annoying Special Abilities: Making up idiotic nicknames for people. Example: Mr. I Suffer From Foot In Mouth Disease. Speaks in Parseltongue.
Other Annoying Traits: Italicizes seductively.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story: "Oi, Dominus, what's up with you flirting with the Weaselette?" snapped Draco.
Dominus merely flipped him the bird behind his back as he continued flirting with Ginny, who flirted back, causing Draco to pout in a very bitch girl way.



The Sporking Of Dominus )

Just testin' out a new sporkin' method.

July 9th, 2009

Story Or Series Title: http://www.quizilla.com/stories/1087958/riley-potter-witch-extraordinaire-3rd-year-part-4-secrets-revealed-a-pre-harry-tale
Fandom: Harry Potter
Culprit Author's Name: ladygaladrianna
Full Name (plus titles if any): Riley Potter
Full Species(es): Extra Sister Sparklypoo
Hair Colour (include adjectives): Not mentioned
Eye Colour (include adjectives): Silver, only she makes them look blue. Startling blue.
Unusual Markings/Colourations: A silvery ring around both retinas.
Special Possessions (if any): None
Annoying Origin: Quizilla, The Pit Of Shrews
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Is James' Potter's sister and best friends with the other Marauders
Annoying Special Abilities: Speshul talents that cause her to skip a grade, plus ZOMGSPESHULANGELPOWERZ. She can also do wandless magic, due to said powers.
Other Annoying Traits: Is annoyingly chirpy, plus she's half fallen angel.
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

In which the Sue manages to wear a bathroom. )

July 6th, 2009

Story Or Series Title: Everybody loves a Ginger!

Fandom: Harry Potter and the Squealing Fangirls

Culprit Author's Name: Kendle.Cullen

Full Name (plus titles if any): Paris and Nicole Ari and Liz

Full Species(es): Muggles.

Hair Color (include adjectives):

Liz: not described

Ari: Long red hair

Eye Color (include adjectives): Not described

Unusual Markings/Colorations: none

Special Possessions (if any):

Liz: a kitten named Nessie

Annoying Origin: The Sues were watching the OotP movie, they fell asleep and woke up in the Ravenclaw Common Room.

Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Liz weats herself over George Weasley and Ari falls for Ron.

Annoying Special Abilities: Landing into the HP world through a plasma.

Other Annoying Traits: having a hard time recognizing canon characters.

That's hawt!! )

July 5th, 2009

Story Or Series Title: Beautiful Snake
Fandom: Harry Potter
Culprit Author's Name: revengeisfun

Full Name (plus titles if any): Belinda Elizabeth Cloude
Full Species(es): Human. Barely.
Hair Color (include adjectives): Long, sleek and black.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Icy blue, exactly the same color as Draco's.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None.
Special Possessions (if any): A golden, goblin made locket... purple socks... a box of chocolate... a bouquet of roses... a delicate golden ring (inset with an emerald) ... and beautiful sea green dress robes.

Annoying Origin: Born in America to negligent parents. Kicked out of Salem Institute because she "didn't belong." Transferred to Hogwarts and sorted into - you guessed it - Slytherin.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Family friend to the Malfoys, love interest of Draco, friend of the Weasley twins and eventually the Trio. Pansy's nemesis, Blaise Zabini's little friend.
Annoying Special Abilities: Amazing singing voice, ability to win over any male in a three mile radius.
Other Annoying Traits: Whiny and wannabe funny.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story: As she examined her recently painted nails, black, a bouquet of roses in the trash caught her eye. “Who in their right mind throws away roses?” There was a note attached to the roses, which said: Bell, as my plan didn’t work, I apologize for acting like a jerk. The script became more rushed and angry looking. You know what, screw that. I give up. This is either going to work, or I’m not going to talk to her. Screw the roses.
She laughed to herself, and then sat back down and resumed examining her nails. They were stubby and recently cut, and the black polish stood out against her magically tanned skin.



May the sporking begin... )





Story Or Series Title: Defy Not the Heart
Fandom: Harry Potter and the Sparkly Vampires from
Pretty Land
Culprit Author's Name: Aewnaur
Synopsis:

Slash: EC/HP
Warnings: abuse violence
Summary: Harry comes to Forks as a patient for Dr. Cullen. He was only supposed to stay until he healed enough to go back to the war. Will he discover a reason to stay?

Full Name (plus titles if any): Harry Potter/Jonquil Kaolin/Jon and Edward Cullen
Hair Color (include adjectives): Harry has “His black hair was a wild dirty mane but he could see where the dark red would highlight it”

Eye Color (include adjectives): So far not described

Unusual Markings/Colorations: Harry is “Tiny and very feminine yet with a strong masculine jaw and physique.”
Special Possessions (if any): Apparently, each other’s balls in future


Annoying Origin: The warped brain of a Twihard HP fan
Annoying Special Abilities: existing

Other Traits:

Harry will be “truly extraordinary when he was healed”

Harry gave up part of his humanity to weaken Voldemort, so he isn’t all human anymore

Lilly apparently had creature blood in her lineage so Harry never was completely human to start off with.

Read more... )

June 19th, 2009

(no subject)

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cast, life
Story Or Series Title: A Witch in Middle Earth
Fandom: Harry Potter/Lord of the Rings Crossover. Doesn't really matter the circumstances, these always make me worried.
Culprit
Author's Name:
Cristy Daae
Full Name (plus titles if any): Hermione Granger, or so the author says.
Full Species(es):
Hermiona Fakus
Hair Color (include adjectives): Brown, I'm going to guess.
Eye Color (include adjectives):
Brown
Unusual Markings/Colorations:
None that I've noticed.
Special Possessions (if any): A Time-Turner.
Annoying Origin: This angsty and impulsive Hermione tries to use her time Time-Turner to stop the death of Ron, and ends up instead in Middle-earth.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Frodo's BFF upon first encounter, and even Gandalf takes immediate like to her. Claims to be Hermione Granger, but I don't believe it. Ron's twu wuv, but Hermione might eventually end up with a hobbit. Most likely Frodo.
Annoying Special Abilities:
The ability to form a 'gang' with Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin after arriving in Middle-earth. Also, the annoying ability to incorporate herself into movie-verse by changing a few words. Also, the ability to kill Bellatrix Lestrange while still underage.
Other Annoying Traits: Angsting over the death of Ron in a very pathetic and foolish way, exactly opposite of how Hermione would handle it. Also, this Hermione also suddenly become very troublesome and lighthearted, despite the fact that she's supposed to be completely broken by Ron's death.

Prologue: Ron's EPIC death. )

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:



June 24th, 2009

It's been a while! I wrote this a long time ago, and just now rediscovered it. Since then, my sporking buddies have run away, back to their own fandom. If I'm to continue I'll just have to go it solo until I can find some replacement sporkers. But I will return to this! I can't let such a monumental Sue go unsporked! *shakes fist at the sky*

Sue Info )

Chapter List )

( The MEC Drinking Game: I hope you brought your bleepahol of choice. You're gonna need it. )

Chapter Twelve - Everyone whines about the snake. )

Chapter Thirteen - Sue is outed as a Seer in the paper, and when she goes to Diagon Alley to get her wand everybody swarms her with visions. Not even out of the LJ-cut and already I'm drinking. )

June 23rd, 2009

I'm bored. Saw a couple of fics dug up by [info]calen_greenleaf (bless you for your hard work) and decided to spork the Haldirmance.

Story or Series Title: Fated to Love We can all see where this is going
Fandom: Haldir needs to tighten security around Lorien, FO SRS.
Culprit Author's Name: haldirsbaby We can definitely see where this is going, but gawd we don't want it to.
Full Name: Cassandra, or Cassie for short. No last name necessary, it seems.
Full Species: Ultimate Self-Insert BAMF!Sue.
Hair Color (Include Adjectives): "Waist-length dark brown hair" which she can 'skillfully' braid.
Eye Color (Include Adjectives): None. I gouged them out while she was sleeping.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Becomes an Elf instantly after BAMFing.
Special Possessions: A medieval dress and cloak she sewed for the cosplay event ahem, "Literary Fair", which she BAMFs in thus resulting in her blending in. Oh, and Haldir's Elven jewels later on.
Annoying Origin: The mind of an adult woman with fantasies of a book-turned-movie character.
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Becomes BFFs with Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli and the entire kingdom of Rohan at Helm's Deep. Will eventually rape Haldir.
Annoying Special Abilites: The fact that she spouts spoilers left and right to everyone so that she looks like some kind of divine oracle. Suddenly becomes a warrior.
Other Annoying Traits: Keeps using modern terms like "car" and "movie" to sound extraSPESHUL.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story: Wait a sec. *downs rhum* OK, let's do this! )

Well, not really. Chapter One brings us to Middle Earth. Srsly, someone smack some sense into this Suethor.

June 15th, 2009

Previous chapters )

Story or Series Title: The Girl in the Tower
Fandom: The Boy Who Set a Five-Step Mamba on the Suethors
CulpritAuthor's Name: SpookyMulder
Full Name: Sara Lemke
Full Species: Species 5618
Hair Color(Include Adjectives): Like a mood ring
Eye Color(Include Adjectives): "…the bluest violet…"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: A black widow mark from when she murdered Lucius Malfoy
Special Possessions: Harry's balls, the Marauders' Map
Annoying Origin: A family that skipped the country to hide from Riddle
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Dumbledore's niece, Harry's girlfriend
Annoying Special Abilites: Elemental powers
Other Annoying Traits: 4we57hj7 m8u9i0]-p]\=[

'Hello. My name is Draco Malfoy. You killed my father. Prepare to not die.' )

PoV Draco )

June 13th, 2009

Previous chapters )

Story or Series Title: The Girl in the Tower
Fandom: The Boy Who Set a Five-Step Mamba on the Suethors
CulpritAuthor's Name: SpookyMulder
Full Name: Sara Lemke
Full Species: Species 5618
Hair Color(Include Adjectives): Like a mood ring
Eye Color(Include Adjectives): "…the bluest violet…"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: A black widow mark from when she murdered Lucius Malfoy
Special Possessions: Harry's balls, the Marauders' Map
Annoying Origin: A family that skipped the country to hide from Riddle
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Dumbledore's niece, Harry's girlfriend
Annoying Special Abilites: Elemental powers
Other Annoying Traits: 4we57hj7 m8u9i0]-p]\=[

Home by the Sea )

Correspondence with Draco )

June 12th, 2009

(no subject)

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Previous chapters )

Story or Series Title: The Girl in the Tower
Fandom: The Boy Who Set a Five-Step Mamba on the Suethors
CulpritAuthor's Name: SpookyMulder
Full Name: Sara Lemke
Full Species: Species 5618
Hair Color(Include Adjectives): Like a mood ring
Eye Color(Include Adjectives): "…the bluest violet…"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: A black widow mark from when she murdered Lucius Malfoy
Special Possessions: Harry's balls, the Marauders' Map
Annoying Origin: A family that skipped the country to hide from Riddle
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Dumbledore's niece, Harry's girlfriend
Annoying Special Abilites: Elemental powers
Other Annoying Traits: 4we57hj7 m8u9i0]-p]\=[

The Late Vanya )

Parrot Post )

June 10th, 2009

Story Or Series Title: http://www.quizilla.com/stories/1172364/riley-potter-witch-extraordinaire-3rd-year-part-2-a-new-friend-a-pre-harry-tale
Fandom: Harry Potter
Culprit Author's Name: ladygaladrianna
Full Name (plus titles if any): Riley Potter
Full Species(es): Extra Sister Sparklypoo
Hair Colour (include adjectives): Not mentioned
Eye Colour (include adjectives): Not mentioned
Unusual Markings/Colourations: None
Special Possessions (if any): None
Annoying Origin: Quizilla, The Pit Of Shrews
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Is James' Potter's sister and best friends with the other Marauders
Annoying Special Abilities: Speshul talents that cause her to skip a grade
Other Annoying Traits: Is annoyingly chirpy
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

In which the Sue bitch gets her claws into Snape. )

June 8th, 2009

So, back in 2006, the heroic Jesatria sporked a horrible, horrible fic called 'Diary of an Orphan', which was then 18 chapters long. This number has since increased to 47, so, with permission of the original sporker, I decided to take on the rest.

Links to the original posts here.

Story Or Series Title:
Diary of an Orphan
Fandom: Harry Potter would be better if he were a GIRL!!
Culprit Author's Name: BlAcKdAuGhTeR
Full Name (plus titles if any): Jennifer "Jenna" Black
Full Species: Tootsitramp (Bitchitramp? Tootsiwitch?), Sueus Daughteris Siriusae
Hair Colour (include adjectives): black, "sleek and straight", later she puts red streaks in it (officially, to hide her resemblance to Sirius, but I suspect the real reason is that the Suethor has red streaks in herhair. Or really wishes her parents would allow it.)
Eye Colour (include adjectives): "bright blue eyes"
Unusual Markings/Colorations:
none
Special Possessions (if any):
a locket with her name inside, a necklace that belonged to her Sue mother, Sirius's genes, a snowy owl that is Hedwig's mate because even the Sue's pet's got to have Annoying Connections to Canon Characters, the balls of every Hogwarts male plus those of some OC's to hammer the point home.
Annoying Origin:
Sirius (the collective bored sigh goes here) & a certain Tala, who was Lupin's sister, the fifth Marauder, and a Seer. Killed by Death Eaters, she now resides in the rarely-known tenth circle of Hell, where dead Sues go to be pwned and outsmarted and to battle acne for eternity.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters:
claims to be the daughter of one and the niece of another. Is best friends with Harry, Ron and Hermione.
Annoying Special Abilities:
turning into any animal she chooses, with no previous training, being able to understand animals, casting a Patronus at AGE 11 with no knowledge of the spell, figuring out the big secrets of each book, having premonitions after touching objects or people.
Other Annoying Traits:
stealing Hermione's lines and Eureka-moments, stealing whole pages of text from canon, and having almost the exact same history as Harry (only she was raised at an orphanage), because the Suethor is just that uncreative.

The plot basically follows the books, so we start just after the Sue's (and Harry's) fourth year at Hogwarts.

Diary of an autistic crack whore from Mars. )

 



More to come!

June 7th, 2009

I haven't used this icon ever since it was bestowed upon me (*shudders*), so I went and dug up an old story that is, along with committing the usual canon sins, a bit... squicky. Certainly not the worst thing to come, but... well, I first found this when I was a more-innocent 14 year old. It scarred me for a couple days.

Story Or Series Title: Stickatnaught Strider
Fandom: LOTR. I guess.
Culprit Author's Name: Estel Baggins

Full Name (plus titles if any): Aragorn/Strider; Bill Ferny (a minor character from the book)
Full Species(es): Mankind, since "human" isn't actually used in Tolkien's text... go figure.
Hair Color (include adjectives): 'chestnut brown hair'; uh, not sure...
Eye Color (include adjectives): 'dashing grey'; dark
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None I noticed.
Special Possessions (if any): Weapons that prove to be completely and utterly useless; rope and Unnamed Thug Extras

Annoying Origin: Middle-earth (the fun-sized version)
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Claims to be them.
Annoying Special Abilities: N/A.
Other Annoying Traits: I like the mention of 'well-chiseled features', myself...

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

It's rated M... )

June 6th, 2009

Located by the wondeful zoe9


Story Or Series Title:
Defy Not the Heart
Fandom: Harry Potter and the Sparkly Vampires from
Pretty Land

Culprit Author's Name: Aewnaur
Synopsis:

Slash: EC/HP

Warnings: abuse violence

Summary: Harry comes to Forks as a patient for Dr. Cullen. He was only supposed to stay until he healed enough to go back to the war. Will he discover a reason to stay?



Full Name (plus titles if any): Harry Potter and Edward Cullen
Hair Color (include adjectives): So far not described

Eye Color (include adjectives): So far not described

Unusual Markings/Colorations: So far not described
Special Possessions (if any): Apparently, each other’s balls in future


Annoying Origin: The warped brain of a Twihard HP fan
Annoying Special Abilities: existing

Other Traits:

Read more... )

June 4th, 2009

BeriBeri's Back!

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prince of weasels
Part One
Part Two
Part Three

Story Or Series Title: Beriadanwen_The_Defender_of_Men
Fandom:
Lord of the MaiaSue
Culprit Author's Name: Akeryou-sama

Full Name (plus titles if any): Beriadanwen
Full Species(es): Maia Hybrid
Hair Color (include adjectives):  It was a honey golden brown, a shade an Elf would not have, and wavy
Eye Color (include adjectives):  her eyes almond and a silvery grey like an elf’s and slightly dull like a mortal’s
Unusual Markings/Colorations:  Not yet
Special Possessions (if any): A Magick Ring!  LOTR's My Little Pony, (Zombie Edition), a feminie letter

Annoying Origin: Dropped off in a basket on Gandalf's doorstep
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: They all love her, natch.  Sauron tries to seduce her, with a little help from Zoe.
Annoying Special Abilities: Does everything best, can control nature itself
Other Annoying Traits: Has a super secret mission from Varda

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Bad nicknames and worse seductions )

June 3rd, 2009

Story or Series Title:The start of the ring
Fandom: Lord of the Missing Punctuation
CulpritAuthor's Name: secretrockerdude
Full Name: Sauron
Full Species: Apparently half-elven, uncanonically.
Hair Color(Include Adjectives):  blond
Eye Color(Include Adjectives): not given
Unusual Markings/Colorations: none
Special Possessions: a human family, somehow.
Annoying Origin: a human father and an elven or half-elven (?) mother
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: apparently shares a name with one
Annoying Special Abilities: Destroying all canon and punctuation
Other Annoying Traits: existing

 

Read more... )

May 30th, 2009

(no subject)

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english blows up

Story or Series Title:The start of the ring
Fandom: Lord of the Missing Punctuation
CulpritAuthor's Name: secretrockerdude
Full Name: Salk; later, Sauron
Full Species: Salk: Human. Sauron: Apparently half-elven, uncanonically.
Hair Color(Include Adjectives): Sakl: not given; Sauron: blond
Eye Color(Include Adjectives): not given
Unusual Markings/Colorations: none
Special Possessions: Sauron: a human family, somehow.
Annoying Origin: Sauron: a human father and an elven or half-elven (?) mother
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Sauron: apparently shares a name with one
Annoying Special Abilities: Destroying all canon and punctuation
Other Annoying Traits: existing

The summary:Salk (note inconsistent spelling of OC's name) has been chased from his home and now he finds revenge in the strangest of mannors that starts a war of the wolr d Wolrd War Zero? that will claim many

Read more... )

May 28th, 2009

Lord save me...

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Nazgirls--slashwriaths

Somebody please take these fics. One is Harry Potter and the other is  Harry PotterXTwilight

The Elf Prince's Mate 
High elf prince Draco Malfoy has just found his mate: a human named Harry Potter who is completely ignorant of his identity. Which is just fine with Draco because he does not want or need a mate. Right? *looks for canon* Nope, no canon in here. I honestly can't find an ounce of canon. Apparently AU means "Fuck canon: let me write my own story with some stolen names!" in this case.

Defy not the Heart

Harry comes to Forks as a patient for Dr. Cullen. He was only supposed to stay until he healed enough to go back to the war. Will he discover a reason to stay? Harry becomes a pixie, acts like he's five years old, and is Edward Cullen's mate. Yes, you heard me right: a five year old, Edie!mate pixie.

May 26th, 2009

(no subject)

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english blows up
Story or Series Title: twins
Fandom: Lord of the Self-inserts
CulpritAuthor's Name: deathiswatching
Full Name: Lindsey
Full Species: Human?
Hair Color(Include Adjectives): "long brown hair"
Eye Color(Include Adjectives): blue
Unusual Markings/Colorations: none
Special Possessions: a "long whit dress", whatever that means
Annoying Origin: Unclear -- maybe Morgoth?
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Elrond seems to know her
Annoying Special Abilities: Destroying all grammar
Other Annoying Traits: Destroying even more grammar and spelling
Read more... )
Previous chapters )

Story or Series Title: The Girl in the Tower
Fandom: The Boy Who Set a Five-Step Mamba on the Suethors
CulpritAuthor's Name: SpookyMulder
Full Name: Sara Lemke
Full Species: Species 5618
Hair Color(Include Adjectives): Like a mood ring
Eye Color(Include Adjectives): "…the bluest violet…"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: A black widow mark from when she murdered Lucius Malfoy
Special Possessions: Harry's balls, the Marauders' Map
Annoying Origin: A family that skipped the country to hide from Riddle
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Dumbledore's niece, Harry's girlfriend
Annoying Special Abilites: Elemental powers
Other Annoying Traits: 4we57hj7 m8u9i0]-p]\=[

A year and a half late and a dollar short )

And Riddle's still alive )

May 24th, 2009

Story or Series Title: Life's Rough Deal With It
Fandom: Lord of the Modern Bamfers
CulpritAuthor's Name: iceredrose
Full Name: Tyler
Full Species: Puella recens
Hair Color (Include Adjectives): "silky raven"
Eye Color (Include Adjectives): Mood ring
Unusual Markings/Colorations: You'd think she'd have scars, but no.
Special Possessions: Éomer's balls
Annoying Origin: Modern day
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Loves Éomer
Annoying Special Abilities: Is the best martial artist in the country despite not having studied for decades, and is the best swordfighter in the country.
Other Annoying Traits: hbjhjbv nbv hghhtyr455ty

The Summary )

The Sue is abused )

Arrival on Arda )
After the absolutely scarring experience with the Aragorn/Sauron NC-17 fic over a year ago, I'm returning to sporking with something much lighter. I can't handle it... yet. *eyes LoM*

Story Or Series Title: Ten. Oh, what could that possibly mean...
Fandom: Ten walkers. AGAIN.
Culprit Author's Name: Colonel UnderRoo

Full Name (plus titles if any): Callimir, aka Callie, daughter of Evil!Denethor
Full Species(es): Human, apparently
Hair Color (include adjectives): Not mentioned thus far.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Nada. Assume they are fiery and evil.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None mentioned.
Special Possessions (if any): A crown of Rohan. Until Denethor Evilly knocks it away.

Annoying Origin: Denethor's Evil Loins.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Daughter, sister, niece, cousin, and wife! Yes, all in one chapter!
Annoying Special Abilities: Negotiation skills with Evil!Denethor that only appear when she wants them to.
Other Annoying Traits: Being 15 years old and acting like a smart ass. Making the steward's family horribly OC.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Evil!Denethor has Real!Denethor tied up somewhere... )

May 21st, 2009

Story Or Series Title: The Most Powerful
Fandom: Harry Potter
Culprit Author's Name: HsCherryB
Synopsis: Harry and friends meets three powerful sorcers. Together They fight the Dark Lord!Couples: HK, CM, RH.


Full Name (plus titles if any): Kate, Cherry, Mike
Full Species(es):
Hair Color (include adjectives): Kate: “
a beautiful blonde hair” Cherry: “long black”



stock up on bleepka... )

May 20th, 2009

Story Or Series Title: A Daughter of Kings
Fandom: Lord of the Sues
Culprit Author's Name: Razberri

Full Name (plus titles if any): Cristiel
(I assume Telcontar, but apparently that’s not important enough to mention)
Full Species(es): Half-elf, half-human, I guess.
Hair Color (include adjectives): No mention, so I guess she’s bald.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Likewise no mention. Let’s say flurescent pink.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Baldness and flurescent pink eyes.
Special Possessions (if any): A pod-person dad and a Sue friend, as well as a crush on the green-eyed monster that is Boromir.

Annoying Origin: Apparently, AU!Arwen’s womb.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Arwen and Aragorn’s daughter, born before the books. Because apparently Eldarion isn’t SPESHUL enough for this Suethor.
Annoying Special Abilities: Sword-fighting and apparently strong enough mind control to make people laugh at her jokes.
Other Annoying Traits: Exists. Apparently has the ability to switch between canons at will. Can make Boromir’s eyes change colour.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

First chapter
Second chapter
Third chapter

Miss me? )

May 19th, 2009

Why so Sirius?

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Story or Series Title: Imaginary Friend
Fandom: The Boy Whose Godfather's Murderer Now Loves Bruce Wayne
CulpritAuthor's Name: Ennee Gray
Full Names: Bellatrix Black, Bruce Wayne
Full Species: 5618
Hair Color(Include Adjectives): Like in canon
Eye Color(Include Adjectives): Like in canon
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Bella's Dark Mark
Special Possessions: Bella has Bruce's balls
Annoying Origin: Cygnus and Druella Black, Thomas and Martha Wayne
Annoying Connections to Canon Characters: Have two in Mad-Eye's trunk
Annoying Special Abilities: Bella can Apparate across the Pond with precision
Other Annoying Traits: hyu8yuui0i9polp,l, n mnj

The summary )

A tradition )

Here's Batman! )

May 13th, 2009


Story Or Series Title: Beriadanwen_The_Defender_of_Men
Fandom:
Lord of the Shiny Shiny Rings
Culprit Author's Name: Akeryou-sama

Full Name (plus titles if any): Beriadanwen et al... ).Full Species(es): Hybrid Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): Honey Golden Brown, (sounds like a cereal)
Eye Color (include adjectives): Silver
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Almost pointed ears, manages to get around with no brains at all.
Special Possessions (if any):  Rings and things

Annoying Origin: A mysterious Maia in a blue hat and a basket.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters:  They all love her, you know the drill.
Annoying Special Abilities: She talks to the trees.
Other Annoying Traits: The trees talk back.  She makes deals with Wraiths.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Deal or No Deal? )

May 10th, 2009

This is my first spork here. I’ve lurked for a long time and then decided to join recently. Hopefully I'm at least a little funny, but we'll see. I’ll go ahead and apologize in advance if the format is weird. I looked through the memories to see if this had been sporked, but couldn't find it. If it has, I'll stop here (or spork the sequel...).

Story Or Series Title: A Home
Fandom: Lord of the Feminazis
Culprit Author's Name: Joselyn-Greenleaf.
That’s a good sign, isn’t it?

Full Name (plus titles if any):
Taraneth (Tara), Princess of Gondor
Full Species(es): Mulier badasstica pseudofeminista [also known as Grrl! Sue]
Hair Color (include adjectives): A high braid, apparently like Lara Croft's. No color mentioned. Let's say puke orange.
Eye Color (include adjectives): I don’t know, probably grey.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None.
Special Possessions (if any): A necklace that “got the Gondor symbol on it” and has, “Princess of roses, love of spring, daughter of gondor, beloved,” engraved on it.

Annoying Origin: The unholy spawn of Arwen and Aragorn. And no, Eldarion is not mentioned.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Daughter of two of them, granddaughter of Elrond (he’s still hanging around), and has Legolas under her thumb. BFFs with Pippin in Merry (wtf are they doing in Mirkwood?!).
Annoying Special Abilities: Ability to turn Legolas in a gibbering fool, can cause Aragorn to scream, and Arwen becomes a twentieth-century mom around her. Too many to list, basically. Fortunately she has no real sparkly powers.
Other Annoying Traits: She refuses to wear dresses but gives no legitimate reason for refusing. Speaks in modern lingo, with the rare “Aye” and “tis” thrown in to make it even more confusing .Tara also is an twit, but everyone loves her. Except for Lilly, but she’s not until later.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

 

Tara runs, we roll our eyes. )
</div>
Found both of these, surprisingly, on cracked.com: http://www.cracked.com/article_16554_5-most-baffling-sex-scenes-in-history-fanfiction.html

To my knowledge, neither of these "gems" have been sporked on here, but both are too advanced for me, a novice sporker. Time to get those veteran (and possibly insane) slash sporkers up here again. XD

Indiana Jones/Harry Potter crossover. Not joking; this is terrible. It's basically a slash story featuring Tim Riddle and Indiana Jones. Not for the faint hearted. Near rape, bad slash and lemons galore.
http://www.etc.slashcity.net/maeglin/viewstory.php?sid=134

Twincest/RPS. Again, lemons and bad slash. Eek.
http://yearningvoid.net/stories/calico/000039.html

Have at ye, oh brave sporkers of Deleterius.

May 5th, 2009

Story Or Series Title: Beriadanwen_The_Defender_of_Men
Fandom:
Lord of the Funky Halfbreeds
Culprit Author's Name: Akeryou-sama

Full Name (plus titles if any): *deep breath now* Beriadanwen, or Defender of Men , Kibil, or Silver, Edhelwen Ithilethiel, aka Bear.
Full Species(es): Elf/Maia Hybrid
Hair Color (include adjectives): It was a honey golden brown, a shade an Elf would not have, and wavy
Eye Color (include adjectives): her eyes almond and a silvery grey like an elf’s and slightly dull like a mortal’s
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Bruise where Zoe's boot caught her in the ass
Special Possessions (if any): There's a mystery ring, a not so mystery ring, My Little Pony, a feminie letter, a basket, some 'magic herbal sticks' she sucks the juice out of.

Annoying Origin: Orli in the wig
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Steals all their lines from the movies.
Annoying Special Abilities: Can fascinate anything in pants. I wanna see her go up against Arwen and Eowyn
Other Annoying Traits: Sings in Elvish, requiring me to translate.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

BeriBeri and the Magic Lady )

May 3rd, 2009



Hey all, I've been a lurker on Deleterius for a couple years now. I'm pretty sure this is my first time to post, although I've commented here and there. Anyway, I've been going through my email from the past week and discovered this gem of a book review from Teen Ink, a magazine that publishes teens' writing and art. Having been published in 10th grade, I get periodic emails in them that I rarely read, but for some reason, I looked at this one. It's so beautifully spork-worthy, I felt I just had to post it here.


Extra Ink now brings you the first in a series of book, music, movie and tech reviews, all sprinkled in with your usual dose of advice and website recommendations. Check out TeenInk.com for teen-written reviews of all your favorite things. Enjoy!

Sometimes I choose to read a book because it has been recommended to me by friends or received positive reviews, and sometimes I choose to read one simply because it has a shiny cover.  City of Bones, the first novel in Cassandra Clare's Moral Instruments trilogy, fell into both categories.

Fifteen-year-old Clary Fray is a mundane, which means she doesn't know anything about demons or Shadowhunters -- until she stumbles into the middle of a confrontation between them in a dance club. At first, she is reluctant to admit that she saw anything at all. Then her mother vanishes, she gets attacked by a demon, and a group of teenage Shadowhunters shows her that magic, werewolves, and vampires are real. Soon Clary is swept up in their quest to find the Mortal Cup (a powerful object that can be used to make more Shadowhunters) and rescue her mother -- the only person who knows where it is -- before errant Shadowhunter Valentine can use it for his own ends.

All in all, the world of City of Bones (Manhattan, but with subtle alterations that mundane humans cannot see) is innovative and engrossing, with clever details -- like bat sandwiches and flying motorcycles that work on demon energies -- and plenty of action sequences to keep readers engaged. While City of Bones avoids the worn teen-girl-meets-hot-supernatural-boy trope, there is a hint of romance between Clary and both her childhood friend, Simon, and the sarcastic, distant Shadowhunter, Jace, which adds a welcome dimension to the plot.

 

Like any novel, however, City of Bones has its flaws. In their eagerness to share the details of their world with Clary (and the reader), the Shadowhunters have a tendency to launch into long speeches that reveal far more than is necessary for the plot and slow down the pace of the story to the point where vital tension is lost. While the main teen characters all have believable voices, the adults begin to blend together, becoming either evil minions or clueless and overprotective guardians. There seem to be few moral shades of grey -- people are either good or evil, even if they turn out to have a different allegiance than we were originally led to believe (something that happens with dizzying frequency). Though other characters are hurt, Clary rarely seems to be in any real danger -- solutions to problems come to her with little or no effort on her part.

Despite these weaker areas, I found City of Bones to be a quick and mostly satisfying read. I have heard that Cassandra Clare truly finds her "voice" in the later books of the trilogy, and I am excited to see how she continues to flesh out the unique and quirky world she has created.




Since it's rather late, I'll let it speak for itself.

May 2nd, 2009

Story Or Series Title: http://www.quizilla.com/stories/1004461/riley-potter-witch-extraordinaire-3rd-year-part-1-a-pre-harry-tale
Fandom: Harry Potter
Culprit Author's Name: ladygaladrianna
Full Name (plus titles if any): Riley Potter
Full Species(es): Extra Sister Sparklypoo
Hair Colour (include adjectives): Not mentioned
Eye Colour (include adjectives): Not mentioned
Unusual Markings/Colourations: None
Special Possessions (if any): None
Annoying Origin: Quizilla, The Pit Of Shrews
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Is James' Potter's sister and best friends with the other Marauders
Annoying Special Abilities: Speshul talents that cause her to skip a grade
Other Annoying Traits: Is annoyingly chirpy
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Argh! It's a monster! Kill it, kill it! )

April 30th, 2009



Story Or Series Title: Beriadanwen_The_Defender_of_Men
Fandom:
Lord of the Funky Halfbreeds
Culprit Author's Name: Akeryou-sama

Full Name (plus titles if any): *deep breath now* Beriadanwen, or Defender of Men , Kibil, or Silver, Edhelwen Ithilethiel, aka Bear.
Full Species(es): Elf/Maia Hybrid
Hair Color (include adjectives): It was a honey golden brown, a shade an Elf would not have, and wavy
Eye Color (include adjectives): her eyes almond and a silvery grey like an elf’s and slightly dull like a mortal’s
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Bruise where Zoe's boot caught her in the ass
Special Possessions (if any): There's a mystery ring, a not so mystery ring, My Little Pony, a feminie letter, a basket, some 'magic herbal sticks' she sucks the juice out of.

Annoying Origin: Orli in the wig
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Steals all their lines from the movies.
Annoying Special Abilities: Can fascinate anything in pants. I wanna see her go up against Arwen and Eowyn
Other Annoying Traits: Sings in Elvish, requiring me to translate.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

 

This puppy is long, folks! )

April 25th, 2009

I'm a Barbie Sue!

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mad with power

Props to Callenlass for finding this.

Story Or Series Title: Oh_My_GOSH_NO_WAY
Fandom:
Lord of the Blondes
Culprit Author's Name: undeadpandabeyondthegrave

Full Name (plus titles if any): Barbie Millicent Roberts
Full Species(es): Sueius Mattellicus
Hair Color (include adjectives): straight perfect brownish blond hair
Eye Color (include adjectives): blue-ish green eyes
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Only where the kids drew on her with marker
Special Possessions (if any): She's got Pepper Spray!

Annoying Origin: Well, when Barbie and the Legolas Ken are in love, and live under the bed in a cardboard box...
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Kicks Legolas quite a bit
Annoying Special Abilities: Is Barbie. Perfect, perfect, perfect.
Other Annoying Traits: Refusal to stay in the same tense for an entire sentance.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
Barbie and the Mirkwood Playset )

April 23rd, 2009

Story Or Series Title: Oh_My_GOSH_NO_WAY
Fandom:
Lord of the Blondes
Culprit Author's Name: undeadpandabeyondthegrave

Full Name (plus titles if any): Barbie Millicent Roberts
Full Species(es): Sueius Mattellicus
Hair Color (include adjectives): straight perfect brownish blond hair
Eye Color (include adjectives): blue-ish green eyes
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Only where the kids drew on her with marker
Special Possessions (if any): Hand phone, purse, bad attitude, those little tiny shoes that really hurt when you step on them.

Annoying Origin: Well, when Barbie and the Legolas Ken are in love, and live under the bed in a cardboard box...
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Kicks Legolas quite a bit
Annoying Special Abilities: Is Barbie.  Perfect, perfect, perfect. 
Other Annoying Traits: Would fall over if she were real...

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

The Calm Before The BAMF! )
I don't know why I keep on picking the vamp!fics. Whyyyy?

Story Or Series Title: Blood and Chocolate (isn't that a werewolf movie?)

Fandom: Yeah, because chocolate DOES exist in Middle-earth.
Culprit Author's Name: Miss Timechick. Don't tell me she's into Doctor Who as well…frak.
Full Name (plus titles if any): Nikkaly, which isn't even remotely Middle-earth-ian.
Full Species(es): Diabola meretricus recentis, and a vampire (not the Thuringwethil kind) to boot.

Hair Color (include adjectives): blonde (see the author's "The Secret Life of Vampires" for clarification)

Eye Color (include adjectives): Icy blue

Unusual Markings/Colorations: Vampire fangs, chocolate stains

Special Possessions (if any): Legolas's reproductive organs, chocolate, strawberries, a laced-up dress…

Annoying Origin: Morgoth's lair.  
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Legolas's frakmachine babymaking unit lover.
Annoying Special Abilities: The ability to be uber annoying; the power of UnCanon; the ability to speak the OMG SPESHUL VAMP!LANGUAGE; etc, etc.
Other Annoying Traits: Not liking chocolate.
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:


first battlestar twilightica, then twilight, now this. )

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Another 10th walker sue is rearing its ugly head. I know I have not sporked in a long time, so I might be a little rusty. As always my comments will be in red.

Hang on to your sporks people this is going to be a bumpy ride.

 

Onto the Sporking )

I have to go to my Spanish class. I will try to post the rest of the chapter tomorrow..

 

Frodo_harry

 

Story Or Series Title: Stuck in Middle earth. The title says it all.
Fandom: Fellowship of the what-now?
Culprit Author's Name: Shadow08

Full Name (plus titles if any): Samantha Richards
Full Species(es):
Tenth Walker
Hair Color (include adjectives):
Blonde. That is all.
Eye Color (include adjectives):
No mention. Let’s say flurescent pink.
Unusual Markings/Colorations:
A ‘trim body'.
Special Possessions (if any):
A mithril necklace filled with Duck toilet cleaner, a dagger, a 'healing serum', and a sword called Keiko. And a really feeble sense of humour.

Annoying Origin:
Sueville, USA.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters:
Fangirls over Legolas. Tenth Walker. Boromir's adopted sister. Apparently gets to call Galadriel 'Gala' and Haldir 'Hal'. My eyes!
Annoying Special Abilities:
Swordfighting, transdimensional travel, the ability to make Boromir everyone a misogynist.
Other Annoying Traits:
A pathological fear of grammar and logic. Also, massive hypocrisy.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story: 
Sporkage is here

Some text may vary from actual ending. However, every attempt has been made to retain the author's unique style.

 

In other words, abandon hope, all ye who enter here. )

Story Or Series Title: Stuck in Middle earth. The title says it all.
Fandom: Fellowship of the what-now?
Culprit Author's Name: Shadow08

Dug up by [info]calen_greenleaf. Share in my glory, Calenlass.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Samantha Richards
Full Species(es):
Tenth Walker
Hair Color (include adjectives):
Blonde. That is all.
Eye Color (include adjectives):
No mention. Let’s say flurescent pink.
Unusual Markings/Colorations:
A ‘trim body'.
Special Possessions (if any):
A mithril necklace filled with Duck toilet cleaner, a dagger, a 'healing serum', and a sword called Keiko. And a really feeble sense of humour.

Annoying Origin:
Sueville, USA.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters:
Fangirls over Legolas. Tenth Walker. Boromir's adopted sister. Apparently gets to call Galadriel 'Gala' and Haldir 'Hal'. My eyes!
Annoying Special Abilities:
Swordfighting, transdimensional travel, the ability to make Boromir everyone a misogynist.
Other Annoying Traits:
A pathological fear of grammar and logic. Also, massive hypocrisy.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
Previous chapters are here

Final chapter! )

April 21st, 2009

Story Or Series Title: Aurelia, the protector and the golden light
Fandom: Lord of the awesome shiny ring and random Inheritance cycle stuff.
Culprit Author's Name: Lillianagreen

Full Name (plus titles if any): Aurelia Ellie Carmen, protector of the pentagram, golden light, dragon rider.
Full Species(es): Human.
Hair Color (include adjectives): blonde.
Eye Color (include adjectives): not mentioned, but the picture in her profile says they are blue.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: OMG short hair!
Special Possessions (if any): a speshul necklace that can summon a dragon, a dragon named Lorast.

Annoying Origin: Sauron and Selena. don't ask about the details. We don't want to know.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Eragon sent her to "Earth". Probably just to get rid of her. Is Saurons daughter.
Annoying Special Abilities: “Shape-shifting, fire, water, earth, air, weather, healing, summoning and to make matters worst I have to summon a dragon when I feel it is in the time of need”
Other Annoying Traits: writes weird letters and randomly changes shape into animals.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Chapter 1
Chapter 2

 

Last part of canon gets drunk together with most of the characters, no worries, they were ooc anyway. )

April 20th, 2009

Story Or Series Title: Stuck in Middle earth. The title says it all.
Fandom: Fellowship of the what-now?
Culprit Author's Name: Shadow08

Dug up by [info]calen_greenleaf. Apply positive adjective here.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Samantha Richards
Full Species(es):
Tenth Walker
Hair Color (include adjectives):
Blonde. That is all.
Eye Color (include adjectives):
No mention. Let’s say flurescent pink.
Unusual Markings/Colorations:
A ‘trim body'.
Special Possessions (if any):
A mithril necklace filled with Duck toilet cleaner, a dagger, a 'healing serum', and a sword called Keiko. And a really feeble sense of humour.

Annoying Origin:
Sueville, USA.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters:
Fangirls over Legolas. Tenth Walker. Boromir's adopted sister. Apparently gets to call Galadriel 'Gala' and Haldir 'Hal'. My eyes!
Annoying Special Abilities:
Swordfighting, transdimensional travel, the ability to make Boromir everyone a misogynist.
Other Annoying Traits:
A pathological fear of grammar and logic. Also, massive hypocrisy.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
Previous chapters are here

Have strength... only one chapter after this! )

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unpossible, Leggy
Story Or Series Title: Aurelia, the protector and the golden light
Fandom: Lord of the awesome shiny ring and random Inheritance cycle stuff.
Culprit Author's Name: Lillianagreen

Full Name (plus titles if any): Aurelia Ellie Carmen, protector of the pentagram, golden light, dragon rider.
Full Species(es): Human.
Hair Color (include adjectives): blonde.
Eye Color (include adjectives): not mentioned, but the picture in her profile says they are blue.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: OMG short hair!
Special Possessions (if any): a speshul necklace that can summon a dragon, a dragon named Lorast.

Annoying Origin: Sauron and Selena. don't ask about the details. We don't want to know.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Eragon sent her to "Earth". Probably just to get rid of her. Is Saurons daughter.
Annoying Special Abilities: “Shape-shifting, fire, water, earth, air, weather, healing, summoning and to make matters worst I have to summon a dragon when I feel it is in the time of need”
Other Annoying Traits: writes weird letters and randomly changes shape into animals.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Chapter 1

 

In which grammar gets lost and Elrond gets a new title. And Legolas falls in love with three different people. )

April 19th, 2009

Story Or Series Title: Lupin's True Love:(because that title hardly sounds sueish at all)
Fandom: Which one? Because this is epic. Eventually it becomes a Harry Potter/LotR/Xmen (movies, I assume)/ Power Rangers: Mystic Force/PotC/Inuyasha/Star Wars/Charmed/Fantastic 4 crossover. There may be more to come, probably Tomb Raider, if we decide not to ignore Veronica’s original last name.
Culprit Author's Name:
Carey Ann Lupin

Links to Previous Sporkings )

 

 

Quidditch and Bets )

Story Or Series Title: Stuck in Middle earth. The title says it all.
Fandom: Fellowship of the what-now?
Culprit Author's Name: Shadow08

Dug up by [info]calen_greenleaf. The sun shines out of her arse. Believe it.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Samantha Richards
Full Species(es):
Tenth Walker
Hair Color (include adjectives):
Blonde. That is all.
Eye Color (include adjectives):
No mention. Let’s say flurescent pink.
Unusual Markings/Colorations:
A ‘trim body'.
Special Possessions (if any):
A mithril necklace filled with Duck toilet cleaner, a dagger, a 'healing serum', and a sword called Keiko. And a really feeble sense of humour.

Annoying Origin:
Sueville, USA.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters:
Fangirls over Legolas. Tenth Walker. Boromir's adopted sister. Apparently gets to call Galadriel 'Gala' and Haldir 'Hal'. My eyes!
Annoying Special Abilities:
Swordfighting, transdimensional travel, the ability to make Boromir everyone a misogynist.
Other Annoying Traits:
A pathological fear of grammar and logic. Also, massive hypocrisy.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
Previous chapters are here

Three chapters to go... )

April 16th, 2009

Story Or Series Title: Aurelia, the protector and the golden light
Fandom: Lord of the awesome shiny ring and random Inheritance cycle stuff.
Culprit Author's Name: Lillianagreen

Full Name (plus titles if any): Aurelia Ellie Carmen, protector of the pentagram, golden light, dragon rider.
Full Species(es): human
Hair Color (include adjectives): blone.
Eye Color (include adjectives): not mentioned, but the picture in her profile says they are blue.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: ..... none yet.
Special Possessions (if any): a speshul necklace that can summon a dragon.

Annoying Origin: Sauron and Selena. don't ask about the details. We don't want to know.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Eragon sent her to "Earth". Probably just to get rid of her.
Annoying Special Abilities: “Shape-shifting, fire, water, earth, air, weather, healing, summoning and to make matters worst I have to summon a dragon when I feel it is in the time of need”
Other Annoying Traits: writes weird letters and randomly changes shape into animals.

My spork will be in this color.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

This way for speshul! )

April 17th, 2009

...Yes, I am hyper. I have an excuse, trust me.
Well, let's have another chapter!


Story Or Series Title: Stuck in Middle earth. The title says it all.
Fandom: Fellowship of the what-now?
Culprit Author's Name: Shadow08

Dug up by [info]calen_greenleaf, the Dancing Queen.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Samantha Richards
Full Species(es):
Tenth Walker
Hair Color (include adjectives):
Blonde. That is all.
Eye Color (include adjectives):
No mention. Let’s say flurescent pink.
Unusual Markings/Colorations:
A ‘trim body'.
Special Possessions (if any):
A mithril necklace filled with Duck toilet cleaner, a dagger, a 'healing serum', and a sword called Keiko. And a really feeble sense of humour.

Annoying Origin:
Sueville, USA.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters:
Fangirls over Legolas. Tenth Walker. Boromir's adopted sister. Apparently gets to call Galadriel 'Gala' and Haldir 'Hal'. My eyes!
Annoying Special Abilities:
Swordfighting, transdimensional travel, the ability to make Boromir everyone a misogynist.
Other Annoying Traits:
A pathological fear of grammar and logic. Also, massive hypocrisy.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
Previous chapters are here

Here is how to kill a good mood in five seconds flat )

April 16th, 2009

Story Or Series Title: Stuck in Middle earth. The title says it all.
Fandom: Fellowship of the what-now?
Culprit Author's Name: Shadow08

Dug up by [info]calen_greenleaf, and words cannot encompass her win.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Samantha Richards
Full Species(es):
Tenth Walker
Hair Color (include adjectives):
Blonde. That is all.
Eye Color (include adjectives):
No mention. Let’s say flurescent pink.
Unusual Markings/Colorations:
A ‘trim body'.
Special Possessions (if any):
A mithril necklace filled with Duck toilet cleaner, a dagger, a 'healing serum', and a sword called Keiko. And a really feeble sense of humour.

Annoying Origin:
Sueville, USA.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters:
Fangirls over Legolas. Tenth Walker. Boromir's adopted sister. Apparently gets to call Galadriel 'Gala' and Haldir 'Hal'. My eyes!
Annoying Special Abilities:
Swordfighting, transdimensional travel, the ability to make Boromir everyone a misogynist.
Other Annoying Traits:
A pathological fear of grammar and logic. Also, massive hypocrisy.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
Previous chapters are here


ANOTHER EFFING CHAPTER! )
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