theperfumer

I should mention that on my way to my destination I had to wander through the mall, and the whole mall had its obstacles and strangeness. Along with the unfortunates hired at mall kiosks to hawk at passerby and suck them in aggressively was the hologram from Best Buy.

Somehow he’s just not as interesting as the Cheshire Cat or the Caterpillar, but thank the gods he didn’t call me MaryAnn.

What you need to know about Underwater World is that its publicity belies its nature. The advertising is cheesier than a Bronko’s pizza¹ or cheesier than a super deluxe cheese special at Luce’² There’s the mascot Sharkie that runs around the mall and submits to getting pawed by everyone; there’s all this toy crap, the T-shirts, and the advertising campaign. It’s very much aimed for kids and tourists and does nothing to appeal to locals at all.

But once you get past the first set of down escalators and get the pep talk about making sure you use both flash and non-flash photography, the experience changes. First, their use of music is genius. The closer you get to the actual aquarium, the more soothing and trancey the music. As you leave, you get exposed to brighter colors and more up-tempo beats. By the time you see sharks swimming over your head, you’re too calm to get worried that they might be considering you for lunch.

Oddly enough, the gator here’s eyes glowed red before I snapped the picture, I think. It seemed that way at least.

At one point the voice told me to snap some shots of an egg incubation project. I’m to give it away, to it will be in my flickr stream as Creative Commons and I’ll see if I can upload them to Wikimedia Commons. It is a reasonable payment for what I’ve taken.

As I descended the pathway, I learned two things: turtles are obnoxiously fast, and sharks are camera shy. I could swear I caught a telepathic blip that translated to Goddamn paparazzi. I also now believe the guy that told me his pet turtle ran away. Yes, it is quite possible that they could outrun a human being. I also saw a few stuffed mammals - disturbingly, the wolves were trapped in their taxidermied bodies as was the fox. I hope I released them.³

It wasn’t in an overt way, but there was an interaction between the humans and the fish. The fish and reptiles knew you were there, and had opinions of you.

There was one turtle in particular who captured my attention. A hulking old thing, it told me tales of carrying the world on its back and how I keep bulking weight thinking I need to carry the world on mine when it’s not my job, it’s his, and he’ll worry about that. We were rudely interrupted by a silly girl in a sweatshirt who flashed her camera right in Wise Old Man’s eye. Ancient as he was, even he smarts from such rudeness. But it was such a comforting tale that I’d like to go back, have a few more conversations with Wise Old Man. He has so much to say to me, but trips to Underwater World are really not cheap.

Also, probably in honor of the RNC, there was a glass sharks art display for all 50 states that I saw on the way out. I kept trying to get pictures, but these stupid men kept wandering into my shot and then glaring at me for having a camera. RNC tourists. There were a lot of them, and they were just irritating.

However, I found plenty of opportunities to pause and tune into the total relaxation around me. Everyone else rushed around like a tourist, but I was there for a cultural exchange. I’m not sure how it will come out in my art, but I felt like there were definitely some acts of mutual influence.

I ended my tour with an accidental self portrait, and I have to admit as I came up from my journey, I felt ever-so-gently altered.

THE CROCODILE

by: Lewis Carroll (1832-1898)

• OW doth the little crocodile

  Improve his shining tail,

  And pour the waters of the Nile

  On every golden scale!

  How cheerfully he seems to grin!

  How neatly spread his claws,

  And welcomes little fishes in

  With gently smiling jaws!

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1. for the Indiana folks [↩]
2. for the Minnnesota folks. [↩]
3. I’ve seen this before in Mankato. It wasn’t pretty. [↩]

theperfumer

My original plan for my artist’s date was to walk through the former Camp Snoopy - now Nickelodean world - in an altered state. Having gone through there on an overcast day a few years ago while running an errand for the job all my friends do not name but refer to as “when Di hit rock bottom” I had the trippy experience of having fallen down a rabbit hole. Besides, I had been injured on that roller coaster as well.

So, despite my dislike of the Mall of America I drove out there, and approached the edge of Camp Snoopy, where you can go left or right. The little voice spoke up. Remember what you told Joel?¹ I picked the one that matched my own energy the closest.

Eat first, the voice urged. I was hungry. I usually do these pseudo-shamanic workings as low on calories as my body will allow.  I wandered towards the food stand and it was practically unstaffed; I also found it curious that they dropped Pepsico for catering to true little kid food - tacos, mac and cheese, pb&j.

Well, this is about feeding my inner child, I thought. The kiddie food booth has a shortcut stairwell to the third floor.

Go upstairs. Eat in the food court up there.

I was informed no Long John Silver’s this visit. The tacos looked tempting. Maybe at that slightly overpriced taco chain that wasn’t Chipotle.²

No, NOT Long John Silver’s

I veered towards the other side of that half of the food court and got pointed to the Japanese food booth I always think guiltily I should have eaten at. I tried to balk.

But - my inner child!

Tell your inner child she gets to have a meal like a big girl.

My inner child was excited by the prospect of “biggie girl food.” Well damn.

I got something nutritious and vegetable heavy, and it turns out I’d been craving it. I turned to sit down and moved - I was skeeved out by how dirty the tables were.

At last I came to rest on a four seater. I realized a few bites into my food there were two blue pieces of paper on the table, giving a $4 discount off tickets to Water World. $4 brought a visit into my price range.

There’s your date today, said the voice. Now go have a good time.

1. I’ve been teaching Joel how to energy read objects without making it a big production. [↩]
2. I hate Chipotle. Yes, I am a heretic. AND a Pagan.)</p>

   I climbed the stairs to the third floor east food court. ((There are two food courts on the third floor; it is possible to shop at the mall for years and not know they’re both there. [↩]

theperfumer

• Morning pages done and play date with Joel. Somehow his having a boyfriend translates to me getting more time with him.
• Mike was a sweetie and installed a Doctor Who screensaver on my computer.
• So ah, Mike didn't install that screensaver. I must have, over six months ago...
• One small thing: wrote a page of my book.
• Had coffee, picked up some naan for Mike, going for a burger with Joel. You know, my let's go veg buddy. :) Heh.
• Back from a long roundabout the city.
• Had a wonderfully fun day with Joel.
• There's a copycat on the front page of Etsy right now. :( I'm ticked on behalf of the artist.
• OK, I need to pop out my eyes - itchy. And take my meds. And make more smudge spray for myself.
• I realized the other day that I'm only familiar with ONE candidate running for office in my own state. This is v. v. BAD.

lisamaria

DSC00896, originally uploaded by weetahbug.

This was Nank. She was my dog. This is a flattering photo. She had no tail, a big scaly leathery patch, a broken tail, and black nasty toenails. she hated everyone except my mom, whom she worshipped, and she tolerated my dad and I. she was attacked by a raccoon before we got her. if you wore boots, she'd bite them, and snarl, and snort.

lisamaria

DSC00895, originally uploaded by weetahbug.

He was *my* dog. he ran away after a month.

lisamaria

DSC00887, originally uploaded by weetahbug.

1987?