Dear Society,

I am not fat. My friends are not fat and neither is my mother and neither are my aunts. Between the lot of us, we cover sizes 00 to size 14. And do you know why we even have the 00 in this range? It's because many of us have or had eating disorders. Bulimia, anorexia, and compulsive exercising abound. But guess what, I am beautiful. My friends are beautiful. My mother and her sisters are beautiful. Stop telling us otherwise. Fuck you. If I want to eat over Christmas Break, I can. I should not be made to feel bad for having curves. Why are your beauty standards so fucked up?! I have news for you, bodies come in all shapes and sizes and they are all perfectly okay.

Piss Off,
The Angry Academic Bitch Who Is Currently Fighting Not to Restrict

Dear Cider,

Oh you are so very tasty, and cheap, satisfying all my needs as an alcoholic art student. But, what is this?! I've put on half a stone since being away at uni for 3 months?! This simply won't do my lovely cider. I think we may need to part ways for a few months so I can work off all those calories and then enjoy you as a treat after some stressful projects.

2010 - now The Year of Good Health.
Poor art student

Dear back,

Stop hurting. I'm not old. I just knit a lot. Please stop making me take so long to complete Christmas gifts for everyone. I'm just a poor graduate student who wants her friends to have nice gifts. Didn't think gifts = back ache.

Unhappy,

A Wingless Caveman.

Dear pillows,

You are so small you are doing nothing to alleviate my back pain. This is uncool. In fact, you spread the pain out by only supporting small portions of my back. I feel like pins and needles are stabbing me. I'm totally replacing you with the larger ones my sister took from this couch when she vacuumed.

Unamused,

A Wingless Caveman.

Dear mom,

To burn a CD, the first thing you do is insert a blank CD into the computer. Then instructions pop up on the screen as to how you can transfer data onto the CD.

Sometimes, your failure to use technology is adorable.

Love you,

your daughter, who knows how to burn a CD.

P.S. I can't believe I also had to walk you through the instructions that popped up on the screen. Really?

Dear partner,

Stop philosophizing about part II of my Christmas gift. You already bought me a crap ton of -SUPER- expensive gifts that really aren't being used/eaten (one part is candy.) So wait until my birthday to give me this part!

Stop worrying about how good the gift is. I love you. Unless you are extremely offensive, I'll like it. Love does that to people.

Shaking her head in confusion,

A Wingless Caveman.

I understand that you were upset about the smartass remark I made. All things considered, you'd had it coming, for as often as you pick on me.

Thing is, when someone has a problem with me, I expect them to show some backbone, and speak up. You sat on your anger with me for 6 months, before finally bringing it up tonight, after being set off by something entirely unrelated.

Next time, show a little backbone, you passive-agressive ass.


Only a little love,

Your retarded stepson

Dear Dad & Brother,

I knew last night that you needed me up before 11:00 am today to feed Buddy. You know that I can't move or speak upon first waking -- hell, I can barely breathe upon first waking -- yet you both decided to treat me like I was the scum of the earth for not bouncing right up and being all sunshine and flowers for you. I was able to manage a sound at least, which should have told you that I was awake. I don't much mind that you were annoyed with me. I understand that. What I don't understand is why you would leave without so much as acknowledging me with a "goodbye". You weren't in too much of a hurry to shout "Goodbye! I love you! See you later!" to our aunt three times, so why didn't you say it to me? That hurt me, especially (not) coming from you, Brother Dear, given how close we are. To top it off, you hung up on me when I called you back (even though you decided to call me every two minutes to make sure I was awake for your precious lizard) which hurt me even more. Just so you know, I did feed Buddy and I cleaned up his shit, which you neglected to tell me was there.

Love, but also lots of hurt,
Your son & older brother.

Dear mom,

Why did you have to make me watch Blink on the night I have to be up at five in the morning?

Loved the episode, but AAHHHHHHH!!!,
your daughter
---
Dear brain,

The Weeping Angels are not real. Stop trying to convince me they are. Even if they were real, the Doctor tricked them so they can't come to life again.

They're not going to come get me in my sleep. I will not open my eyes to see one or more in front of my face. I won't run into one waiting for me by the laundry room if I get up to go to the bathroom.

They're. Not. Real. Stop. It.

No love right now,
The nervous girl with the runaway imagination
---
ETA one more

Dear people saying "Well it's not like they KILL you."

OH YEAH, because getting sucked out of your own time and being dropped all alone and far away from everybody and everything that you knew with little to know chance of contacting your own time is SO much fucking better.

Jerks,
a cranky, underslept Doctor Who fan who's still scared of the Weeping Angels.

Dear Dad:

Why do you have to be such a jackass and ruin everything? Why can't you email me and say "hey I can't wait to see you on Christmas Eve!" instead of saying something that makes me NOT WANT TO SEE YOU AT ALL. Do you not understand that by being a prick, that makes me want to stay away? And can you please just own up to the fact that you are the one who screwed up this relationship. Things will never be better until you admit your failures as a father. And also, why is it always my fault that we go months without speaking? If I remember correctly, you know how to use a computer and a phone as well. You are the parent here, you are supposed to want to talk to your daughter. It's not fair for you to do this to me. I did nothing wrong. Stop making it seem like I did.

Love,
Your only child.

Dear sister,

I know you just moved back in. I know you're still trying to get everything situated. But, you brought a dog here. AND we picked up your son today. You think you could, maybe, I don't know, actually BE HOME to take care of said things? Maybe THIS is the reason you don't have your son back. You finally get to see him, and what do you do? Go pick up your stupid boyfriend and take hours doing it. The boyfriend that doesn't even NEED to be coming over here in the first place. And don't even dare asking if you two can sleep in my bed, because it's 'bigger'. I will bitchslap you back 23 years into our mother's womb.


Much disgust,
Your sister.




Dear T,

YOU DO NOT NEED A FUCKING GUY TO BE HAPPY. Stop with all your whining.

- A.

Dear postal service,
Screw you.
Do you have ANY idea how crazy I'm going? I cried last night over my FUTURE.
I NEVER WORRY ABOUT MY FUTURE
I JUST ATE TWO CONSOLOANCE MINCE PIES AND NOW I FEEL SICK.
You even made e question my relationship which is an entirely different matter and none of your business quite frankly.
Now I know it takes a long tim to get mail out here to Middle Earth but you've had the whole weekend to get your act together so I'm not playing nice anymore.
I want that letter and I want it now.

No love
Disgruntled middle-of-nowhere-resident

Dear NDU
Please like me.
Please have sent me that letter. Or just sent it late.
You said you wanted to see me next year. So where is it?
I know I said I didn't care where I went, but now all I want is you.
I don't know how to fight for anything else.
Love?
Terrified Student-Nobody

Dear World,

Stop fucking with me, okay? And stop upsetting my fiancé. Just go about your business and leave us the fuck alone.

No love,
That one guy you seem intent on screwing over.

----

Dear Brittany Murphy,

So, you're dead now. Why? My fiancé liked you, and now he's upset because you're dead.

RIP,
The intended of one of your fans.

Attention Wal Mart Shoppers:

"PLEASE TAKE TWO MINUTES OUT OF YOUR IMPORTANT SCHEDULE TO RETURN SHOPPING CARTS TO THE PROPER RECEPTACLE. DO NOT LEAVE FIVE OR TEN SHOPPING CARTS IN EVERY FIFTH PARKING STALL. FOR GOD'S SAKE. IS IT THAT HARD TO WALK TEN STEPS TO THE SHOPPING CART AREA? THANKS, AND HAVE A NICE DAY. YOU LAZY PRICKS."

I understand you're trying to help and that your opinions are actually good sometimes, but please stop judging me.

My hair got destroyed because of a sister in beauty school and a screeching bitch of a mother demanding I be blonde. After 5 rounds of bleaching, I'm happy I have hair left. However, I don't want to be a blonde. I look ridiculous with my natural color. I understand that women pay hundreds of dollars every month to get my natural color, but it's those women that make me not want to be blonde.

But anyway, I'm sick of walking in there and you telling me how shitty my hair is and how awful i look. Or that I buy four different hair dyes. Or that my dye job just won't turn out until I buy a special conditioner, a filler prep, a protein pack, a protein filler, a placenta treatment, a keratin re builder and other various goos that you insist I need the extra large bottle for. Why can you help me pick out 90 different protein/conditioning/prep potions but you can't tell me which hair dye is semi permanent?

Also, stop looking at my hair like it's a freaking car accident and repeating "it's really damaged." I get that. No one knows that more than I do, so stop. I had to start buying box dye from the grocery store because I'm just so sick of you telling me how horrific my hair is. My hair is a sensitive subject, I didn't do this to myself, and I don't want to be walking into a store where 3-5 people are just constantly telling me what a damaged mess my hair is.

No love,

girl who has to go in there today for goo.

Dear mall where I work,

...a two hours delay? Really? REALLY? You think that'll make a difference? The plows just came through on my street and the roads are still a mess. You think people can really drive in this? Hell, the BUSES aren't driving in this.

Do you really expect me to get to work this way? With no car, no buses, nobody in the house willing to drive me there, and my boyfriend all the way in Bethesda and probably on his way to work himself? I've already hurt myself slipping on the ice from less snow than this, and the buses were RUNNING that day. What the hell do you think I'm thinking about this much?

Well forget it. I'm staying right here. And if you try to get me fired for refusing to show up, so fucking be it.

No love,
a worker who can't believe you're trying to open today

ETA: At the time I wrote this in my head I didn't realize the buses had started again and not every street is as bad as mine. Ok, work, I'll bite, but if I almost get myself killed out there I fucking QUIT.

 dear christmas break,

I know it sounds crazy...but please pass by quickly. At least this week. So I can go to SoCal...and get back to hanging out with this crazy adorable guy I'm getting to know...so pass quickly!

-S

dear temperature in my house,

it's cold outside, but it doesn't need to be so warm inside! 

-S

dear distance.

you suck. the end.

-S

Dear Sleep,

It is 4.57am. I have to be up at 6am in order to prepare and get myself to Paddington station for 9am.

Seriously...WHAT THE FUCK?

Surprisingly not that tired,
Poor art student

Dear self,

Less target.com, more Sociology essay.

Thanks.

Dear Band and Everyone Else to Blame In This Situation, ( This is bullshit, just bullshit. )

No Love, A Fan

Dear curtains,

You're very thick, you cover all of my windows and then some, and yet you still manage to let in a draft every night. This is not appreciated since it's been dipping close to freezing for the past few nights.

I know I have a heater, but it can only do so much on its own. Please start doing your job properly, or else I'll have to resort to physical violence.

No love,
The frozen girl who sleeps in this room.

Dear American Apparel ads:

"SHOP" IS NOT A TRANSITIVE VERB. I do not want to "shop this look." I do not want anyone to "shop this look." Do you know why? Because YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

Fuck off,
a TFLN addict who's sick of you and despairing of her beloved language.

Dear Mr. Assumption,

I told you right from the beginning that your attitude towards me would directly affect my attitude towards you. I also told you that I was distracted and very, very tired. Therefore, it was only logical when you kept making bitchy remarks about my so-called "crappy attitude" that I went off on you. I'm sorry that my lack of sleep, chronic nightmares, and desire to keep at least part of my mind on work despite these things ruined your fun, but it's not really your business, is it? Nor is it my problem if you can't just be a little patient and bear with me, despite my multiple warnings and apologies. You're the one that projected upon me the image of some pompous, disinterested asshole, when I did nothing to deserve it for which I did not previously account and beg pardon. If anyone's the pompous asshole here, it's you. It isn't my fault that you have some weird, abstract notion of what "alternate universe" means, and I'm sorry that you're pissed because I don't agree with it. Get the fuck over yourself, drama queen. And what the hell was with never introducing yourself or asking my name? Ass.

No love and a crappy attitude,
(Apparently) Nameless Roleplayer.

Dear facebook,

No, I am not going to change my profile picture to a Pokemon. No, I am not less cool for this choice. We are not in fifth grade anymore, I have no desire to be peer pressured into something I don't want to do, and if you think I'm less cool for doing so then YOU need to go back to fifth grade, or hell, back to Kindergarten, until you learn to act your age.

Love,
someone who hasn't been in the fandom in years and thinks it should have ended a decade ago

Dear stuck up bitches,

If my flatmate isn't answering her phone and it's half 2 in the morning, what do you think she's doing? SLEEPING is the most logical answer. I am NOT letting you in our flat so you can go and wake her up and the other 6 odd people who live here.

And don't get all insulted at me because 'OMG YOU WON'T LET ME IN?! O.o?' I live here too.

Enjoying being hated,
That bitch who's inconveniently right next to the front door

Dear Assface on Gaia,

I wasn't calling you a lazy jackass. The homophobe that was bashing you said I was. Why the fuck did you believe him? I wasn't being anything but polite to you, and trying to get you to see that starting a roleplay didn't have to be the root of a bunch of drama. I rescind my previous apology to you. You are a lazy jackass. Get over yourself.

Lots of anger,
The dude who would have roleplayed with you if only you had kept an open mind and not been a fucking asshole.

Dear New Moon.
You were kind of long.
And sort of bad.
But that's ok.

Still a fan (unbeknownst to all my friends)

Dear the people who were texting, and the girl who ANSWERED HER PHONE in the fucking movie theathre.

Seriously? Was it that important that you needed to answer your phone, in your seat? and then not leave? and text the whole time? all four of you?
Tell me, have you ever recieved a text in the middle of the night.. remember how blinding it is because it's DARK. YEA, LIGHT DOES THAT. Fucking, if it's so so important, LEAVE.

Absolutely no love, at all.
Agro Pouff.

Dear Angelina from CWD.

DO.NOT.DRIVE.

You're going to kill someone.

Dear fellow student taking the final,

Um, hello? I WAS STILL USING THAT STATION. I'm standing RIGHT THERE at the microscope, filling out my scantron. Don't cut in front of me and wave your finger around on the question sheet while I'm still using it! Wait your goddamn turn! I mean geez, am I invisible? You didn't say a word to me or anything, just zipped in front of me like nobody else was there.

Would have called you out if she didn't care so much about causing a scene,
your test-mate
---
( very long retail gripe )
---
Dear stepdad,

If you don't want to pick me up when I need a ride home from work, or when I need a ride TO work, just fucking say so. Don't act like you're all obligated then be pissy about it the rest of the day. That doesn't make me feel any better about needing to ask you for help.

Wishing she could drive,
your daughter.

PS: Do you have to address your opinions about shit on the radio or tv so fucking obnoxiously? Some of us are trying to LISTEN.

Dear Idiot Who Didn't Pay Attention On Her First-Grade Zoo Trip,

Wolves are not pets.

( Swearing and general nastiness under the cut. )

Die in a fire,
Guy Whose Totem is Grey Wolf.

Dear ABC,

What the hell is your problem?! 'Pushing Daisies' has got to be one of the best and most original television series that has been produced in the last ten years... And you canceled it! You freaking cancel this program with its fantastic colors, amazing actors, and fun storyline but keep idiotic things like 'The Bachelor' and 'Cougar Town'?! GAH! I will never understand the American public!

Absolutely No Love EVER!
The Angry Academic Bitch

Dear self,

Why is it so goddamn hard for you to just write this paper? Six hours in the library and another three here in your room, and what do you have? Not even three paragraphs. This paper's not even that long! It's only 5-7 pages on solid research that you have tons of notes for! Wake the fuck up, brain, get to work! Tomorrow's gonna be a long day and you don't wanna go through it on no sleep.

Grrrrr,
Self.

Dear Kevin aka scsa && IcQ--

Listen, you've been obsessed with bashing me for the past 4 to 5 years almost. I've heard all of your insults, and your accusations over and over. And I've been ignoring you.

Do you not have a life outside of IMDb?

I swear you watch the gayest shows ever;; mostly girls watch those shows or gay guys -- this is in general although I know there are a few exceptions.

All you do with your life is get on IMDb and act like a moron. You think I've been deleting threads, yet you have no proof except for your big mouth.

Prove that I have done such things then you can say what you say.

Yet, you haven't been able to.

Quite frankly, I don't give a damn about you and your Internet friends to be reporting their threads and getting them deleted.

I haven't been to that board in a while. When will you get through your pea-sized brain that I don't care about you as much as you think I do?

You've been accusing me and bashing me for years, it's really getting tiring. I'm surprised you're never going to let up or aren't bored of the same old shit.

That was really pathetic of you and your friends spending New Year's Eve last year on the Internet talking trash about me while I was at my friend's party, hahahaha.

I wouldn't be surprised if you did it again this year.

Take your own advice and get a life.

Okay? Thanks!

Are you serious? Life just fell apart and the only thing you have to say is 'my life is shitter - let me go on for hours about it'?

Plus, excuse me, a post is not a conversation. If you think "oops, shouldn't have said that" while you're typing then you have a freaking back button!! You don't type "Blah blah, oops, shouldn't have said that." You just delete it! You just don't post it in the first place!

No freaking love, you self-obsessed, condescending, juvenile attention whore.

Me.

Dear Windows Vista,

Words will never accurately convey my deep and intimate loathing for your existence - even more so the fact that I am essentially forced to use your sorry pathetic excuse for an OS until April at the very earliest.

Do me a favour and crawl into a corner and die; the sooner I'm rid of your sorry existence the better.

No love for youuu,
Poor art student


Dear laptop,

If you MUST insist on repeatedly overheating and trying to kill yourself, do you think you could just do it already? You're like an attention seeking emo kid constantly threatening to top themselves at the slightest hurdle.

Often wanting to throw you out the window,
Poor art student


Dear flatmate,

I REALLY hope you got your cleaning check done - I'm certainly not doing your cleaning on Tuesday night if you've failed miserably at doing so.

Unimpressed,
Your flatmate

Dear place of employment,

What the FUCK is this shit?! Yeah I didn't go to work last night, but you know why? CAUSE I FUCKING ASKED OFF FOR IT AND YOU SCHEDULED ME ANYWAY. I even talked to the scheduling manager about it right after I asked off! And yet you scheduled me! You bastards! I couldn't miss that basketball game cause my grade would have dropped from missing a band performance, and I TOLD THE FUCKING SCHEDULING MANAGER THAT. I even called before I was scheduled to say "I can't make it, I have to be at this game" with 3 hours for you to find somebody to replace me. And now I'm told I'm suspended and might get let go cause I called in sick today? You dicks, you fucking dicks. You know I get sick often, I told every one of you managers that. You've seen me sick, I can't come to work when I can't hardly stand up without assistance! "We want to let go of people who don't want to work, so we'll see if you can keep your job". YOU ASSHATS. Of course I want to work, I just feel like a walking pile of horse shit!! How many times have I asked off since I got hired in June? Lets see... ho um... THREE COUNTING TODAY AND YESTERDAY. That's nothing compared to the fuckers that call in twice a week and have kept their job for twice as long as me!! And I'm the hardest worker you have!! I've done the work of two people on a regular basis since I was hired and I never complain cause I'm a good worker!! Jesus fucking fuck.

I hope you hire some incompetent monkeys to replace me, you ass-sucking cockmongers.

No love
A PISSED OFF EMPLOYEE

Learn english. Learn to spell. Yes, everyone makes a typo now and then, but you.. holy shit.. peaples? skwirtz? "Than a workout?" Seriously, you say MY grammer is bad?

You really are quite dumb.

Are you SERIOUSLY still telling us about Tiger Woods? Really? He has a mistress... or ten.. but still. WHO FUCKING CARES. COME ON. There are sooo many more imporantant things to be broadcasting, and you're just going on and on about his affairs. It happens, a lot, all over the world.

FUCKING STOP

(let me specify: Philosophy MAJORS, not people who study it for a hobby, not people who have to take a philosophy class, not people who know about general philosophy)

Dear Philosophy Majors,

Who the fuck do you think you are? What the fuck do you think you're doing? I can't even begin to describe the problems I have with what you have chosen to do, but let me take a crack at it.

1. You all want to be philosophy majors so you can do...what? Most of you want to teach. So you sit in a class being taught by one person, surrounded by sixty people that want to be teachers eventually. You're all obsessed with logic, so tell me what sense does that make? If everyone of you followed through on your plans to be a pipe smoking, tweed jacket wearing, bearded dude who reads Kant under an elm tree and teaches students about the universe, then your profession would increase exponentially to a point that it couldn't grow anymore. There are only so many positions for a philosophy professor, and on graduating college class throughout the United States could fill them all.

And for those of you who think you're going to be lawyers because you're fantastic at intellectual debate and critical thought? Well, hate to break it to you, but less that 2% of court cases go to trial, and you're not going to be arguing about whether an action was right or wrong, you're going to be arguing that your client couldn't have possibly been at the scene of the crime or that the husband was giving the babysitter the naked Heimlich maneuver and not cheating on his soon to be ex wife. The courtroom is not a beautiful place for great minds.

2. Why the hell are you so smug? You ask basic questions all day. You don't get any answers, you get no provable results, you get no data and you don't get anything that hasn't already been published 5,682,834,893 times before. I'm serious, you sit around all day and ask yourselves "what is knowledge?" and "Who is God?" and "How do we know ourselves?" and then you put your hands on your chins, sip your chai latte, spout off some crap that you didn't think of yourself and then feel good about yourself. And then when you randomly interject your 1st grade level philosophy questions to scientists, for example when you take a computer scientist who has just proven a formula, and you ask them "How do we REALLY know anything?" Please keep in mind that you don't know the answer to that question either, so stop looking so smug. They just did more work than you ever will.

3. Stop acting like philosophy is the reason the sun comes up in the morning and is the foundation behind everything we do. There were functioning and productive societies before Socrates came along, he just brought a bunch of people who were the early equivalent of people shoulder-surfing you while you're typing ("Oh, what did you mean by that? I think you made a typo.") Plants grow without epistemology, the earth turns without Kant, the sun rises without Plato.

Maybe you should go think about just how useless you actually are.

No love,

The person who doesn't care how she knows she's actually a person.

Dear icon/profile/graphic makers,

I really have held back from any sort of outburst so far, but going icon hunting tonight I've seen that it's impossible to continue, so without further adeu...

Why the hell are you making all your comms friends only? It's annoying. What makes you think people aren't going to just friend you, take your stuff, and unfriend you? Or still not credit? You're not going to catch them all. I'm sorry. I make icons too and I do art and I can honestly say I understand it's a pain in the ass when people don't credit or steal your work. Sometimes they forget where they got it. I don't remember where I got all of my icons, but I didn't steal them.

But it's part of putting stuff out on the internet. It's going to get stolen whether you like it or not. I haven't been able to get the icons I'm looking for because frankly I don't want to sit here, friend you all, and then wait so you can graciously accept me to find out that more than half of you made all but 5 icons, or they're not that fantastic.

So in reality you're losing watchers by deterring with the stupid friends only crap. Thanks a lot for making the search for what's supposed to be fun, just plain annoying.

-Gweakles

Dear brain,

Ha. Ha. Very fucking funny. Yeah, thanks a LOT for drawing a complete blank and making me totally trash my last biology test. Just what I needed; more pressure for the finals. I KNEW half those answers, why didn't you give them to me? Do you LIKE having me tearing my hair out on the verge of tears in the middle of the test?

Oh, and getting that freaking Wasteroo song from Sesame Street stuck in my head was a great little addition too. Christ I fucking hate that song.

Well guess what? This is not happening again. You're going to hate me for this, but you leave me no choice. We are NOT getting out of studying this weekend, even if I AM going on a baking spree. I will read over the books over and over until you're sick of them. I will make you memorise every single goddamn word of them if I have to. And there will be nothing but classical music and the Braid soundtrack for the rest of the semester. I will NOT be distracted by obnoxious music again. I WILL NOT STAND FOR A BAD GRADE AGAIN, you hear me brain?

Will beat you into submission,
your host

TTC

Fuck you

Some people have a class to get to, some people actually have a career ahead of them.

Dear The Escapist user,

You are only seventeen. You were born in and live in Australia.

So how, exactly, can you say that "an Australian accent gets annoying after you've lived with it for seventeen years" when you are seventeen. That implies that you can hear the accent at all. Since you grew up here, with the accent yourself, surrounded by others who have the same accent, you cannot pick it up! You are incapable of hearing the accent which you grew up speaking and surrounded by! You absolutely cannot tell somebody has an Aussie accent unless they are surrounded by people with different accents, say, British. Just as you can tell someone is an Australian actor on an American TV show, or a New Zealand actor on an Australian show, but you can't pick up any accent watching a show in which there are only Australians.

Just. Just. What. Stop making dumb statements to try and make yourself look smart.

Much annoyed,

Me.

Dear Lecturers,

Communication kplz. This prevents angry voicemails from camera techies demanding to know where their equip is.

Some love,
Your poor art student

Dear Dr. K,

Let me preface this by saying that I love you. You are a great teacher, in fact you're one of the best I've ever had. Your class was amazing and I hope I showed you how much I liked it through my work. Ah and now we arrive to the heart of the problem. The work. Now I fully accept and understand that you will give me a ton of work. It's fine. In fact it's better than fine because your material is so interesting. However are you aware that you're assigned in total: 7 minor papers, 4 PowerPoint presentations, 3 major papers, 1 portfolio, and probably over 10,000 pages of reading? Now you're giving me this final which I spent four hours completing? Really?! I'm thanking my lucky stars that I chose to do it take-home because I can't imagine trying to remember all these facts and write this essay in less than two hours. What the hell man?!

No Love,
The Angry (and Sleepy) Academic Bitch

Dear student teaching placement head,

You are a fucking moron! I wanted a high school student teaching placement, and you got me a middle school placement. When I called you (which took forever, so thanks), you said that no one was willing to take me at the high school level at my school. No one? You couldn't have told me this before I had no time left to switch schools?! Now I have to take the elective that switches me over to certification for both high school and middle school, and I'll miss out on that technology elective I wanted to take in the summer. I came in for high school English and special education, not middle school anything. Here is to switching my seminar and having an interesting next semester, you asshole!

Wishing you weren't program head,

an unhappy wingless caveman.

P.S. On the plus side, I'll have three certifications instead of two when I leave this school, but still. I only wanted two!

Dear residence life,

When I call for a lock out, don't make me wait forty one minutes. I want to get in to my room and go about my day! Can't you guys do anything quickly?!

Seething,

An unhappy wingless caveman.

Dear S,

Go shove your messages about how my boyfriend is making money in the short term up your ass! I don't need to hear how I'll be in debt forever and not making more money than him. You also used to tell me that my student loans would prevent me from making more money than you. Well guess what? I think anyone can make more money than a sickly, fatigued, failed room inspection twice asshole who fell apart after I left town. So stop shoving money matters in my face!

Severely unhappy,

an unhappy wingless caveman.

Dear LJ "find an RP buddy" comms;

I'd love it if I could find someone who isn't looking specifically for Kingdom Hearts or Axis Powers Hetalia yaoi, because that's about what 2/3 of the requests for buddies seem to be. I care not for yaoi, nor do I have a liking for either of the two fandoms (though it's not to say I don't like them. I'm indifferent). I'm also not into RP just to find an online fuck-buddy. I just want to do a fun, action-y plot. That feels like such a stretch to ask for nowadays. =/

Dear Friend,

Fuck, all you do is complain, and it's always petty shit. I mean, I know we all have little annoyances that we must complain about sometimes but can you PLEASE get back to me when you have some real problems? I'm sorry, but I just don't care if you have to get up earlier to go to your job. I've been getting up that early for the past five years for goddamn school. At least you're getting paid.

Love,
Your Friend

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Dear Other Friends,

Why do you insist on going out with guys that you know are assholes? Do you have any idea how frustrating this is for me? And I'm just standing at the sidelines telling you that this a bad fucking idea. I can only imagine how bad it must be for you guys.

You've admitted that I'm right and it's a bad idea... so why do you keep doing it?

Frustrated,
Your Friend

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Dear Guyliner,

I'm sorry that you're misunderstood. I'm sorry that many people don't like you and think you're a very bad idea.

Just know that I disagree, I think you're awesome, depending on the guy whose face you happen to be on.

Love,
The Girl Who Loves Guyliner

Dear Lady Gaga,

Look, i know you get a lot of press all the time about your kooky dressing, and i reckon that's mostly what you do it for. But i'm being serious now... stop. I'm a happily loved-up, very straight young woman, but there's something about your diamond and chainmail outfit from the new bad romance video and the white underwear you wear that's ridiculously sexy. Probably in a "wow, look how beautiful she looks. i must admire her for her awesomeness" way more than a "lets strip and have hot passionate lesbian sex" way but on the offchance it IS the latter, kingly desist.

Also, stop making such catchy music. I am a happy and content rock fan, or certainly have morphed that way in recent months. WHY DO I LIKE YOUR SONGS SO MUCH?!

Love that is not wanted,
Me.

p.s. that diamond curtain from the bad romance video? PURE LOVE

Dear Friends and everyone else online who I talk to

GODDAMNIT ASK ME HOW MY DAY WAS.

Signed~
The Dutchess

Stop popping up on my screen every freaking time I view my friends page on LJ. What the hell is this shit? Pop up in a separate browser window if you absolutely MUST make an appearance (though I'd rather you not exist at all), but don't just suddenly invade my window space. That makes me a sad panda.

Wanting to return to her normal internet experience,
Laur

Dear iTunes, Vista and Firefox,

FUCK YOU. Uncooperative bastards!

Getting a Mac come summer time,
Poor art student

Dear Halifax,

Fuck you too. A quid a day for being IN my overdraft? Fuck off you money grabbing bastards.

Possibly removing the aforementioned overdraft,
Poor art student

Dear dirty housemates,

GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASSES AND CLEAN THE FRICKIN HOUSE ALREADY! I'm in class at least twice as much as any of you, and yet I still seem to be doing double the cleaning of the three of you put together! I mean S, you're in 8 frickin hours a week! 8! I on the other hand am in 7 hours PER DAY, and thats just class, without thinking about all the work I have to do outside of that. Seriously, wtf? I have enough work on my hands without cleaning up after you. We agreed a cleaning rota at the start of term, so why is no one following it?

Also, cleaning the kitchen does NOT just mean doing the dishes. Please start wiping down the sideboards and cookertop after you have cooked your meal - this is not a weekly task it needs done after EVERY meal. Uncovered food in the fridge is also a no no. Oh and when you sweep the floor, please stop leaving the dirt in a little pile in the corner of the kitchen. That's not cleaning! Sweep it up and put it in the bin! Thats what the dustpan and brush are for - you know, the little brush with the scoop that seems to sit untouched in the utility room? I'm tired of doing it for you. I'm also tired of being the only person who thinks to wash the tea towels on a regular basis. Seriously, how do you think the tea towels, cooker and side boards are getting clean? Magical kitchen elves? I don't think so!

As for the bathroom, do NOT get me started. Boys, you especially. Have you done ANY cleaning since we moved in? I'm seriously considering typing up the cleaning rota IN DETAIL and sticking it where you can't miss it in the kitchen. I know this will make me massively unpopular but frankly I don't care. The house is a disgrace and something needs done. But I am not doing it all for you. I am NOT your cleaner. You need to get off your lazy asses and clean already.

No love,

Your increasingly frustrated housemate.