Current mood:	worried about Alex
Current music:	Stop Yourself - Throw The Fight

Living Each Day Like You're Already Dead 3/18
Title: Living Each Day Like You're Already Dead 3/18
Series: The Best of... Atreyu
Author: mcrvampy
Pairings: Peterick [Patrick Stump/Pete Wentz]
Rating: PG-13
Summary: "Why do you want to die?" you ask. You think this question is so easily justified and shouldn't be too hard for him to answer. He waits a while before he answers quietly with a question of his own: "Why do you want to live?"
POV: 2nd person; Patrick
Disclaimer: If I owned either of them, do you really think I'd be writing this?
Warnings: slash, depression, mentions of suicide
Dedication: Alex, 'cause I lovez her to death and if she kills herself, I'm gonna be depressed and will beat the shit out of 'someone'.
Others: Here
Authors Notes: Okay, so this is a part of a series of one shots that are all based around Atreyu songs off of their album The Best of... Atreyu. You don't have to read the others 'cause they aren't all FOB but this one is and that's why it's here.
Raise up the ghosts of the dead – I won't die like them
Push past the point of raw emotion – I will breathe
Exist with a broken spirit - I will die complete
Ignore what the angels say enjoy that special place where the demons speak to me

You see it, every day, the act he is putting on for the fans. Ever since he nearly ended it all, you've known something is still wrong. You keep finding bottles still full of pills in the trash and you know he's not taking his meds. You know he's still fucked up and you don't know how to fix him. He insists that there's still nothing wrong but you're not blind, Patrick. You can see it in the way he talks, walks, and just acts in general. But it only shows when you're both alone together.

I won't pick out the lining of my coffin yet unless I am sure this color satin is me
Better yet go with crushed velvet, that way I'll be damn sure to enjoy eternity

You're holding his hand, trying to talk to him, trying to tell him his life is still worth living, trying to tell him that Fall Out Boy fans will be so upset if he tried something like that again and it actually worked. You also try to convey the fact that you'll miss him to death but you don't know if he understands that completely. He wants you to let him be alone, to let him just go wallow in misery but you don't want that for him. You follow him to his bedroom and he doesn't protest. He crawls into his bed and just lays there. You crawl in beside him and wrap your arms around him.

My daily life writes the eulogy,
engraved on tombstone diaries,
laid to rest by the passing of time
Seems to me that even love can die

"Why do you want to die?" you ask. You think this question is so easily justified and shouldn't be too hard for him to answer.
He waits a while before he answers quietly with a question of his own: "Why do you want to live?"
You're silent for a moment, thinking about what he just asks, before you say, "Because I want to be with you for as long as possible, Pete."
He's silent again and you think you might've said something wrong again but he seems to be okay. Then he says quietly, "I want that too, it's just--" He sighs, interrupting himself. "I hate all these mood changes and shit."

And the rituals, that fade away, and the roses that cease to be laid
And to me it clearly appears that we're already one foot in a very shallow grave

You hug him, somehow knowing that would be his answer. "It'll be okay, Pete." Then you just lay there, holding onto him. You know that tomorrow he could be gone and you just want to keep him there for as long as possible. You don't want him to slip out of your arms just yet and you can't help but think about how much you love him. You know you're heart's gonna be broken if he does that to himself. "I love you, Pete," you say as he starts to get up.
He slinks back down and gives you a peck on the lips, just something really quick and nothing like what you want from him. But it's still good enough, because it seems to be all he can give you for now. "I love you too." Then he's gone.

I will love with passion
You live like you're dead
I will love with passion
You live like you're dead
I will love with passion

Pete's already got his funeral all planned out. He tells you it's to save you the trouble of having to sort those things out yourself. You appreciate it but you don't want to have to attend his funeral--or anyone's--any time soon. You just hope that your love will be enough to stop him from making his own funeral come sooner than necessary.

As each day dies, are we living on to the next or passing on in the twilight
As each day dies, are we living on to the next or passing on in the twilight
As each day dies, are we living on to the next or passing on in the twilight