i'm still scared of vampires, and i'm not ashamed. i mean, the idea of vampires is scary business. they drink your blood! it's not far off from cannibalism! in fact, if they weren't supposedly different species and/or mythical, it would be cannibalism, right? and cannibals exist, so why not vampires?

it all started when i was a wee child. by that i mean a child of maybe eight or nine. i don't know what happened, but i got really screwed up and scared of crazy things like aliens and vampires. quite honestly, i blame "The X-files" and "Buffy the Vampire Slayer". those two shows, of which my father was a fan, scarred me for life. i couldn't even stand to be in the same room as the television when "The X-files" theme song started to play. it frightened me out of my mind. and random flashes of light and glow-in-the-dark oddities only reminded me of fictional aliens that want to harvest my human organs. it's a wonder i ever slept soundly as a child. in fact, my mother told me that many a night i would wake up screaming or talking in my sleep or crying. that's actually kind of sad, i guess, but in retrospect it's somewhat funny.

even just the other night i had trouble sleeping due to a sudden fear of vampires in the room, even though i knew that the whooshing noise was simply the blinds blowing in the breeze of the fan, and the creaking was due to wind outside, and the ridiculous notion forming in my mind that a blood-thirsty person was leaning over me was just that, ridiculous-- i could not convince myself that there was no possiblity a vampire or ghost or ghoul had gotten into my room and was plotting my imminent death.

but onto the vampire-phobia. i actually have an earnest belief in the possibility of vampires. i'm not going to willingly write off that possibility, because a certain part of me wants to believe in myths and magic and the supernatural. i still like to think that Harry Potter is simply a documentary/biography sort of deal that has been passed off as fiction. of course, i don't mean that in a crazy way, i just mean it's pleasant to believe isn't it? blissful like when you're a child that waits up to dupe the tooth fairy or catch a glimpse of santa claus.

it's strange that i choose to believe in something that frightens me terribly and makes my skin turn into gooseflesh, wouldn't you think? even though i still have nights where i have to pull the sheets up and over my head (to protect my neck from a vampire's bite, naturally) like i did as a child just to feel safe, it really is thrilling to think that something unexplainable can exist next to the explainable. i guess that's why my stubborn mind won't let me not believe. i like the thrill, the goosebumps, all of it. i was and am a strange child, indeed.

I'm single.

I'm not working full time.

I'm childless.

I'm still living at home.

I don't have a contract cell phone.

I don't have my own business.

I'm not supposed to play the only working CD player in the house that isn't Louie's because, and I quote, I might wear out the battery in the remote before my mother gets to use it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where the Hell am I???

Where am I going?

I feel more lost and lonely than I've ever felt in my life and I see no end in sight.

round two of stalking the busses. Wish us luck - we are 3 or 4 deep in the queue.

Good morning

Please check out the link and if you are able to help, please do.
Thank you!

I HAVE THE MOST AMAZING BEST FRIEND ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET
HE JUST BOUGHT US TICKETS FOR MAROON 5/AUGUSTANA/COUNTING CROWS IN AUGUST
AND THE ROCKET SUMMER (for the fourth time) IN SEPTEMBER


that's all.

Because I have no life.

welp, I thought this would be longer...turns out it's not going to be very long at all. THAT'S what she said.

I'd rather be aggressive and ignored than passive and have to wonder what could have been.



and what JUST happened...fucking irony =]

i just tried a voice post but i think it failed miserably. Sorry guys :(

bb's rocking the SHIT out of this joint!

ok guys you know is next

archie is too cute for words.

23 Dawson's Creek Icons



( the rest here )