shelley. ([info]icallmeat) wrote in [info]damnportlanders,
@ 2008-02-23 00:29:00
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wow.
so. you're sitting in a long booth at a bar, with plenty of room to your left. two people are trying to fit in to your right. one of those people, a young (VERY GOOD LOOKING AND STYLISHLY DRESSED AND AWESOME) stranger, smiles and makes eye contact with you, while simultaneously handing you your large (AWFUL) purse that is sitting where she would like to sit. are you upset that she touched your purse/bag/whatever? do you find it threatening?



am i in the wrong here? cause where i'm from, and where i've been, it has been my understanding that this sort of thing is not a big deal. this girl basically lost her shit over this little purse-touching incident.

*edit* for a little bit of clarification. i was handing her her bag because i assumed she was in the process of moving, since we were sitting down. i didn't realize that she wasn't interested in sliding over -- for little to no reason, as far as my friends and i could gather. i wasn't trying to be pushy and take the seat, but i'm pretty sure it was taken that way. also: the good looking etc. part is just a little joke guys. :)

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[info]misusedmuse
2008-02-23 08:58 am UTC (link)
on one hand: I do not want anyone touching my purse, bag, or any of my belongings.
on the other hand: if a VERY GOOD LOOKING AND STYLISHLY DRESSED AND AWESOME stranger wants to sit down next to me, I would make it a point to move my shit out of their way.

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[info]icallmeat
2008-02-23 09:09 am UTC (link)
haha. well, the good looking blah blah part may have been embellished a little bit. :)

but really? even if it's clear that they're just trying to sit there and not steal it?

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)
(no subject) - [info]misusedmuse, 2008-02-23 09:18 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]icallmeat, 2008-02-23 09:47 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]misusedmuse, 2008-02-23 09:55 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]icallmeat, 2008-02-23 10:01 am UTC

[info]broknashleydoll
2008-02-23 09:15 am UTC (link)
dont touch other peoples shit. ask them to move it. or, you know, sit in that large amount of space to their left.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

[info]icallmeat
2008-02-23 09:21 am UTC (link)
we were joining guests on her right. if we sat on her left we would have been shouting over them all night! HAHA!
thanks for the advice broknashleydoll!!

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)
(no subject) - [info]broknashleydoll, 2008-02-23 09:28 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]icallmeat, 2008-02-23 09:38 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]lemurmaster, 2008-02-23 09:44 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]icallmeat, 2008-02-23 09:47 am UTC

[info]karaotter
2008-02-23 09:19 am UTC (link)
I wouldn't be too happy if people started touching my stuff, even for the sole purpose of moving it. Though with that said, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

Though if the person asked me to move my things, I wouldn't have a problem with it, no matter what they looked like. (This is based solely on me not noticing the person in the first place, which happens. If I did see them coming, I'd move my things without being asked.)

(Reply to this)

[info]theotherjay
2008-02-23 09:21 am UTC (link)
Technically, it is incorrect to touch personal items that you know belong to another person, without first requesting and obtaining their consent - although this can be done by conduct alone, with a friendly searching look from under slightly raised eyebrows. The attractiveness of the person doing this is irrelevant (although it might make them more likely to get consent, especially if the gesture is done in a flirtatious way, so as to indicate a desire for proximity to the owner. If one woman is doing this to another, we're less likely to immediately infer flirtation, since heterosexuality is in most places still rebuttably presumed to be the default - which is a can of worms I don't think any of us wants to get into right now.).

However, freaking out about a minor violation, especially if it's clear that the offending party was never in a position to do any harm and meant no disrespect, is much worse.

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[info]icallmeat
2008-02-23 09:26 am UTC (link)
your last point was the general consensus of my party. perhaps i shouldn't have touched her nasty purse, but her overreaction was more of a social faux pas.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)
(no subject) - [info]theotherjay, 2008-02-23 09:45 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]icallmeat, 2008-02-23 09:52 am UTC

[info]lemurmaster
2008-02-23 09:26 am UTC (link)
Fuck that. Not only would I touch it, I'd rummage through it.
If she got her knickers in a twist, there's bound to be something good inside.

At my bar, if someone leaves their shit on a neighboring chair, it's a given that if someone else comes up, and they're not paying attention, their crap is gonna get moved.
I mean, honestly, who gives a shit if someone TOUCHED your things, if they didn't do them any noticable harm? Or maybe the more important question is Why? I mean, Why would anyway care -- are we so caught up in etiquette that it's an issue?

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[info]lemurmaster
2008-02-23 09:27 am UTC (link)
I am the worst typist at this time of night.
Should read "Why would anyone care..." not "anyway".
Duh.

Edited at 2008-02-23 09:28 am UTC

(Reply to this)(Parent)

[info]icallmeat
2008-02-23 09:34 am UTC (link)
yeah i'm pretty sure she was carrying around a bucket of coke in that tacky coach knock-off.

thank you! i mean, it's a fucking bar booth. it's not like i reached under the neighboring bathroom stall to snag a tampon.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)
(no subject) - [info]lemurmaster, 2008-02-23 09:38 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]misusedmuse, 2008-02-23 09:46 am UTC

[info]maxticket
2008-02-23 12:02 pm UTC (link)
If it's a matter of etiquette, the cunt shouldn't have occupied a stool--designed, built and located strictly for the support of the human ass--with her precious fucking purse. If it was as important to her as her firstborn, she should have dropped it off at a daycare center.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)
(no subject) - [info]lemurmaster, 2008-02-23 12:06 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]lokidecat, 2008-02-23 02:07 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]maxticket, 2008-02-23 02:41 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]cougar_cowgirl, 2008-02-23 07:33 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]dave256, 2008-02-23 07:40 pm UTC

[info]kersy
2008-02-23 09:30 am UTC (link)
sounds a little psycho. personally tho, i would ask first if I could take the seat.

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[info]photosexual
2008-02-23 09:37 am UTC (link)
First you ask the person if you may sit there, and point where the purse is. You do not touch the purse. You imply that it would be twice as insane if purse owner denied you the right to sit in a seat that her purse was taking up. If purse owner was anti-social and said "NO!" then you go sit somewhere else. If the purse owner says yes, you let her move her purse and don't touch it unless she says something like "please hand it to me."

I don't think that the touching of the purse was as big of a deal as the person wanting to sit there not communicating, and using the action of purse touching in a pushy way. That's what's wrong here. DEAR PURSE TOUCHERS: DON'T BE BITCHES ABOUT IT.

That is all.
Probably.

(Reply to this)(Thread)
(no subject) - [info]lemurmaster, 2008-02-23 09:40 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]photosexual, 2008-02-23 09:48 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]icallmeat, 2008-02-23 09:41 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]icallmeat, 2008-02-23 09:42 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]photosexual, 2008-02-23 09:46 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]icallmeat, 2008-02-23 09:51 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]lemurmaster, 2008-02-23 09:56 am UTC

[info]bliccy
2008-02-23 02:43 pm UTC (link)
You ask the person whose stuff is occupying your potential seat if they mind if you sit there. Then let purse owner move the purse.

Good looking or not, it's a matter of etiquette.

(Reply to this)

[info]noss
2008-02-23 03:20 pm UTC (link)
Look, you do the same thing you do on public transportation (assuming you're not too stylishly dressed and awesome to have ever used it): you say, "Mind if we sit here?" and gesture to the seat. They move their own stuff, no harm, no foul.

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[info]shake_it_out
2008-02-23 03:22 pm UTC (link)
I'd probably ask, but ultimately who gives a flying fuck? Especially flipping out after you have the thing in your hands, untouched and unrifled through. Clearly your intentions were innocent.

(Reply to this)

[info]cest_la_vie
2008-02-23 04:29 pm UTC (link)
It sounds like someone needs thier Midol.

(Reply to this)(Thread)
(no subject) - [info]icallmeat, 2008-02-23 11:27 pm UTC

[info]derumi
2008-02-23 04:52 pm UTC (link)
Unattended bags and luggages should be whisked away and blown up by a crack demolitions team for the public's general safety.

(Reply to this)(Thread)
(no subject) - [info]lizzard, 2008-02-24 09:23 am UTC

[info]encapsulate
2008-02-23 05:10 pm UTC (link)
Next time, just push the purse off the seat and onto the floor.

If that causes problems, push the owner off the seat, and onto the floor.

Solve any further escalating problems by finding the problem object, and pushing them.

A caveat: I'm far too polite, and should someone sit right on me I might say something like, "Excu... you're sit... ok."

(Reply to this)(Thread)
(no subject) - [info]lestamore, 2008-02-23 10:14 pm UTC

[info]pygmymetal
2008-02-23 05:11 pm UTC (link)
You should've said, 'excuse me, is this seat taken?'. I've observed situations far more often of people asking that of others, but I've never seen anyone pick up someone else's shit without asking politely first.

(Reply to this)(Thread)
(no subject) - [info]icallmeat, 2008-02-23 11:12 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]pygmymetal, 2008-02-24 03:07 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]icallmeat, 2008-02-24 10:17 am UTC
(no subject) - [info]pygmymetal, 2008-02-24 11:04 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]icallmeat, 2008-02-25 06:10 am UTC

[info]baisez_moi_svp
2008-02-23 09:54 pm UTC (link)
Terrible social faux pas. You move your bag when you see someone coming towards the spot. Or the person ASKS you to move your shit if you don't notice it.
I wouldn't be upset if someone touched my bag, I'd just think it rude of them to do so. But then, I would be rude to not have moved it in the first place.

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[info]pundigrion
2008-02-23 10:32 pm UTC (link)
Don't touch people's shit without express permission. Doesn't matter what you look like. It's not like this was your best buddy from grade school. Just because you are dressed well doesn't mean you're not a thief if I don't know you from Adam.

(Reply to this)(Thread)
(no subject) - [info]icallmeat, 2008-02-23 11:23 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]icallmeat, 2008-02-23 11:25 pm UTC

[info]varro
2008-02-24 02:46 am UTC (link)
Don't touch people's stuff without asking permission. It would have been so easy to just ask "Could you please move your purse? I'd like to sit there."

If there's anything I like less than passive-aggressive people thinking I know what they're thinking, it's people who touch people's things, other people, or get into my personal space.

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[info]bright_new_skin
2008-02-24 03:16 am UTC (link)
I would have asked if someone was sitting there--like if she was saving the seat--just as a courtesy---she should have gotten the clue and moved her own bag. if she said no and didn't move her bag, i would have said "would you mind if i move your bag?" then touched it

i'm super protective of my stuff after living and being downtown all of the time--i can see how she would be put off by it, but she shouldn't have lost her shit

(Reply to this)

[info]chandlerbeth
2008-02-26 11:14 pm UTC (link)
If I was the apparently ugly and unfashionable girl in question, I'd probably would have thought you were being a condescending smart-ass with my purse in your hand and a grin on your face. It might have been less weird from her perspective if you actually said something to her instead of just handing her the purse, and she probably wouldn't have screamed at you.

Who's to say she's even from around here? I'd rather not mention these cities by name, but her reaction sounds normal in any of those places. There's a lot of catty, prissy bitches in some parts of the country. And who knows how drunk she was. Some people get mean or unreasonable.

So...kinda weird you touched her stuff (as I'm sure you know NOW), and kinda weird that she screamed at you the way she did. But you can go along knowing that you've learned a lesson (while she probably hasn't), and she will still be rude to strangers, and will probably get her teeth punched out for mouthing off to a roller derby girl and not realizing what kind of girl she pissed off. :P

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