ashley ([info]broknashleydoll) wrote in [info]damnportlanders,
@ 2008-01-07 04:52:00
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Current mood: disturbed

have your parents ever asked you about your sex life? i mean beyond the please tell me you use protection speech.

my mom asked me who the best lover i ever had was. and previously she asked me if id been with both circumsized and uncircumsized men. she doesnt seem to realize this dirsturbs me.


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[info]katlyn
2008-01-07 01:16 pm UTC (link)
she doesnt seem to realize this dirsturbs me


How 'bout you tell her, then?

"Hey, Mom? I appreciate that you're so open and curious about my life, but I just don't feel comfortable discussing this with you. Hell, I don't feel comfortable discussing this in general, even with my closest friends. Sex is a private issue for me. But I love the fact that you're a cool mom, and I love you."

All of that might not be all that true... but it's the same thing that's proper to say to a nosy friend, neighbor, or co-worker. There's no shame in politely but firmly telling someone that it's none of their business, and then saying, "No, I don't feel like discussing that" the next time it comes up. :}

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[info]broknashleydoll
2008-01-07 01:24 pm UTC (link)
yeah i told her i wasnt comfortable talking about it. i was just wondering if this was common.

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[info]katlyn
2008-01-07 01:42 pm UTC (link)
Common? Dunno. :} I've had those types of conversations with my parents, but even then there are things I don't want to tell them and they don't need to know.

But someone being really invasive? Not cool, in general.

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[info]sinnamongirl
2008-01-07 02:30 pm UTC (link)
No, my parents pretty much leave that alone, with 2 notable exceptions:

1. After moving back from New York at the age of 24 or so, I was sitting on the couch with my dad when he suddenly turned to me and asked, "Shouldn't you be shacked up and knocked up by now?"

2. I recently was very sick in an "oh my god is this appendicitis" type way, and my mom called me up and asked if I'd considered it could be an ectopic pregnancy, and proceeded to talk for about 10 minutes about fallopian tubes exploding, followed by a discussion of using both the Pill and condoms, and questions as to when I had last had intercourse. It was mortifying and yet strangely funny at the same time.

Otherwise, no. And if they did ask, I'd be pretty horrified.

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[info]glowing_fish
2008-01-07 05:28 pm UTC (link)
Pill and condoms?

The best form of birth control is tossing off an insult to your dates ethnicity, followed by pulling out a magnifying glass, and proposing searching moss for tiny creatures as a perfect first date activity.

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[info]adamsbja
2008-01-07 07:37 pm UTC (link)
I am so turned on right now.

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[info]sinnamongirl
2008-01-08 07:42 am UTC (link)
You may have wanted to wait, to build some rapport, before insulting the date's ethnicity. A magnifying glass is never a bad idea, though.

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[info]glowing_fish
2008-01-08 10:24 am UTC (link)
Especially if you are a girl, you can be like "oh, I need this in case I need to find your penis later!"

And then be like "oh, snap!"

Then, take a picture of their face, and macro it with "FTL" and upload it to the tubes

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[info]sinnamongirl
2008-01-08 12:19 pm UTC (link)
Ooh, harsh. Girls aren't that mean, I swear.

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[info]glowing_fish
2008-01-08 10:31 pm UTC (link)
Not all of them!

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[info]cheekyassmonkey
2008-01-07 03:00 pm UTC (link)
speaking as a mom and a daughter, i am sorry. have you told her that discussing explicit details of your sex life with her makes you uncomfortable?

i speak very frankly with my daughter, but i don't ask questions, and i know it makes my partner and her husband uncomfortable, so we try to be sensitive to them, as well.

there is a real taboo against seeing parents as sexual beings, but we are, and sharing sacred knowledge is an ancient tradition :)

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[info]oceangrey
2008-01-07 03:21 pm UTC (link)
My parents have never disgussed sex with me, or drugs, or alcohol. T

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[info]oceangrey
2008-01-07 03:23 pm UTC (link)
My parents have never talked to me about tall the teen dangers. Alcohol, drugs, sex, none have never been a topic. My mother has vaguely brought them up, but even to this day it was a very vague two sentences and I'm not even sure what they were about. Either drugs or sex, but I'm not sure which ones and what point she was trying o get across. They also came too late. They better thank God I'm full of common sense.

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[info]leroy_brown242
2008-01-07 03:46 pm UTC (link)
Next time she asks who the best you ever had was, tell her that it was your dad.

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[info]littlebluedog
2008-01-07 04:45 pm UTC (link)
Best lever. Pay attention.

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[info]broknashleydoll
2008-01-07 11:36 pm UTC (link)
no. not funny. my mom works for childrens services. she sees too much of that. also, i wouldnt put it past him, hes a drunken drug dealer.

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ew.
[info]13skeletoras
2008-01-07 04:21 pm UTC (link)
Yeah, that's really inappropriate mom behavior - not to mention, ew gross. You should just tell her straight up that it bothers/disturbs you when she brings it up and ask her not to.

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[info]push_the_limits
2008-01-07 04:28 pm UTC (link)
Ew, no. I'd be so creeped out if my mom ever asked me something like that.

Maybe she feels distanced from you in some way? Maybe she's just grasping at straws to get closer to you, and she doesn't know what else to talk about? I don't know, that is disturbing.

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[info]broknashleydoll
2008-01-07 11:36 pm UTC (link)
maybe shes trying to live vicariously? she hasnt been with anyone in 10 years.

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[info]lokidecat
2008-01-07 04:48 pm UTC (link)
my mom asked me who the best lever i ever had was

Tell her you don't like bar soap.

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[info]remix79
2008-01-07 11:36 pm UTC (link)
Dammit! You took mah joke. :)

"Lever 2000 and it's none of your damn business."

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[info]broknashleydoll
2008-01-07 11:38 pm UTC (link)
oh shut up will. you of all people should know i cant type. or spell.

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[info]hcjordan
2008-01-07 05:10 pm UTC (link)
Not everyone is uncomfortable talking about this kind of thing with their parents.

I, however, am one of those who is. The last time I talked to my mom about sex, it was in defense of my sexuality. She'd just found out more about my sexuality than I ever wanted her to know and she was really worried about me. We had a couple of arguments about this. I would vehemently defend my sexuality and she would tell me how unhealthy my sex life is. She gave up.

I think mom knows how uncomfortable it makes me to talk to her about much of anything, especially sex. I respect her concerns as an outsider to the lifestyle, though, and I wanted to try to help her understand and be okay with it. She's not, but she knows she's not going to get anywhere with me, trying to change my sexuality.

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[info]elroseo
2008-01-07 05:12 pm UTC (link)
As a parent of 4 grown kids (3 boys 1 girl) I felt it was never my place to ask...none of my business!

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[info]str8ontilmornin
2008-01-07 05:43 pm UTC (link)
What does an uncircumcised lever look like?

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[info]boy_asunder
2008-01-07 05:56 pm UTC (link)
It still has the plastic shrink wrap from the factory on it.

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Giggles of the uncomfortable variety
[info]sassyps
2008-01-07 06:17 pm UTC (link)
Funny

While I was back in the Midwest for the holiday I considered asking for the sex talk I never got...I am 26

Needless to say the only sex talk I got was that oppressive abstinence message rang forth by a number of Catholics throughout my life. My parents left that up to church folk and the public school sex ed situation. I highly doubt my mom would EVER mention sex.

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[info]wildcloves
2008-01-07 07:00 pm UTC (link)
I had a very similar experience with my parents. I dont even want to explain what happened- but when I clearly showed my disgust with what they were trying to share with me- they looked so shocked. The fact that they acted so shocked got me wondering. What in the world were they thinking- I'd actually want to listen to the crap they were telling me and discuss the details? Errrmm....

But they NEVER brought it up again. THANK GOD.

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[info]varro
2008-01-07 07:37 pm UTC (link)
Yeah, that was pretty inappropriate, especially the "circumcised vs. uncircumcised" debate - that came out of nowhere.

If she wants to talk about sex, fine, but realize that you have to control the conversation, and that with sex, YMMV is a big caveat, since everyone likes different things.

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[info]sqwrlydoom
2008-01-07 09:50 pm UTC (link)
once when i was in my late teens and had finally had sex for the first time, my mom asked if i enjoyed it. i gave her a horrified look and muttered, "yeah i guess". then she asked me if i had had an orgasm and i gave her and even more horrified look and squeaked "um... yes". then she said "they're a lot of fun aren't they?" and i ran away screaming and scarred for life (the only person she has ever had sex with is my dad).

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[info]broknashleydoll
2008-01-07 11:42 pm UTC (link)
hahahahaha akward. my mom didnt know id had sex, im sure she assumed, but she didnt know until i got pregnant. then i really couldnt deny it.

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[info]peacheasy
2008-01-07 11:49 pm UTC (link)
Sounds like you and your mom should have discussed sex more often, sooner. You would have perhaps figured out what birth control is for.

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[info]acasewanderlust
2008-01-07 11:31 pm UTC (link)
I'd be totally open with my mom if she asked and cared. She'd never ask though. Grass is always greener.

No sex talk here.

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[info]broknashleydoll
2008-01-07 11:42 pm UTC (link)
you can talk to my mom about it if you have the need. hehe. apparently shes ready to listen.

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[info]nevafeva
2008-01-07 11:34 pm UTC (link)
My mom is uncomfortable talking about my sex life, thank God. I tell my mother most stuff, but I really don't want her to know about my sex life. She's more conservative with her body and I think it would freak her out to know what I do in the sack. Likewise, I don't want to hear about what she does with my father. Ew!

My friend's mother is so open about talking about sex, she actually tried to talk my friend (female) into trying anal. My friend didn't want to give it up back there and her mother's response was "Well, it's not that bad once you get used to it..."

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[info]luminais
2008-01-07 11:45 pm UTC (link)
"MOMMMMMMMMMM!

GROSS!"

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[info]ltpeaches
2008-01-08 12:27 am UTC (link)
My mom and I are extremely close. We had a very indepth talk when she found out I was making out with boys at twelve and I asked questions and she had the answers, even if some were hard to get out ( my favorite was " Why would I want to put my mouth on their penis?" " Because they like it. But don't do it unless you want to, and you like it too.")

Although it has backfired on me a few times. She's pretty much ready to adopt my boyfriend into the family and if I ask her questions about things she'll be like, " No, no, I do not know why he makes that bear noise when he has an orgasm and I don't want to know why. Can't help you. Now please pass the brain bleach."

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[info]mactavish
2008-01-08 03:14 am UTC (link)
Last time I remember talking to my mom about sex, I was 8 or 9.

'Course, she died before I hit menarche, so there hasn't been opportunity since.

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[info]pygmymetal
2008-01-08 03:32 am UTC (link)
Never my mom but my uncle told me I should shack up with my boyfriends before I married them because sex was such an important part of marriage. Oh and by the way, had I ever smoked pot? :p

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[info]13crimes
2008-01-08 05:23 am UTC (link)
my parents were afraid to ask until they realized i've never had a sex life.

now they're afraid to ask my 16 year old sister who DOES have a sex life.

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