Members

mets-cardinals game tonight. i'm going with my new pal nick. he's a cardiothoracic fellow. i keep trying to talk him into coming over to the blood and guts and brains side of the unit, while he keeps trying to talk me into coming over to the blood and hearts and bypass side of the unit. nobody's budging.

we'll be cheering on opposite teams. loser buys beer. i'm definitely going to be the loser.

Мне на последнем семинаре сердито сказали: вера в то, что мезуза защищает дом – язычество. Вообще, смысла этого слова не знает практически никто из встречаемых мной здесь людей. А жаль. Потому что путают язычество с дикостью.

А жизнь тут полна нанотехнологий и национальных проектов. Женщины мажут складки жира биоактивным микроминералом дохтура Малахова, пьют освященную мочу, отваживают мужей от выпивки кремлевскими капсулами с обогащенным живым серебром, очищают свои кишки от негативных энергий а пальцы от шлаков и информации, жуют сушеных дрозофил из мумии фараона, венец безбрачия снимают у потомственных жрецов древне-славянской школы (36 тыс. лет непрерывной традиции), отращивают грудь с помощью родового секрета женщин королевского рода Сукагарта.

«Натуральные активные компоненты пластыря LUSERO «Плоский животик»
(ламинария пальчато-рассеченная и камелия китайская) эффективно удаляют излишки жировых отложений и внеклеточной жидкости, делая ваш животик плоским, упругим и красивым: ламинария пальчато-рассеченная ускоряет процесс клеточного обмена веществ, «сжигает» жир, уменьшает жировые отложения в области живота и брюшной полости, снижая общую жировую массу. Камелия китайская обладает дренирующим действием и устраняет излишки внеклеточной жидкости, скапливающиеся в самых глубоких слоях кожи. Благодаря «парниковому» эффекту, создаваемому герметизирующей основой, и специально разработанному полимерному слою, активные компоненты непрерывно поступают в глубокие слои кожи и равномерно воздействуют на жировые отложения в течение 24 часов».

Задачка:
1 кв. см пластыря с ламинарией пальчато-рассеченной и камелией китайской растворяет жир на животе за 24 часа. Человек бежит по полю, поросшему этими растениями. Через сколько метров его вес уменьшится вдвое? Через сколько метров он (человек) рассосется полностью?

http://www.thinkgeek.com/computing/accessories/9223/

Features

* The official Doctor Who Tardis Hub.
* A 4 port USB hub replicating the 1950s Police phonebox Tardis from the show.
* A flashing lantern on the Tardis' roof.
* A time-travelling sound effect.
* The light and sound effects are triggered when a USB device is plugged into the port.
* Sound effects are optional and are controlled via an on/off switch.
* No software required.
* Suitable for both PCs and Mac.
* Suitable for ages 8 years+.
* Tardis: 11 x 6 x 6cm
* USB Cable: 140cm.
and don't forget your "Doctor Who Sonic Screwdriver"

Sonic Screwdriver
http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/cubegoodies/8cff/
* UV ink pen nib & UV reveal light
* Authentic sound effects
* 30 page Doctor Who Notepad -or- Wallet with "Wipe Clean" Psychic Paper (sorry, random choice)
* Standard ink pen nib
* Dimensions:
o Screwdriver: 7" long closed; 8.25" long extended
o Notepad: 3" square
* Requires 3 AG13 button cell batteries (included)
Or your Remote Control Dalek

http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/rc/80f3/
Product Features

* Authentic Detailed R/C Dalek Stands 12" High
* Powered Rotating Head
* Moving Laser Turret
* Flashing "Eye" Lights and Gun Turret
* Two Channel R/C with Tank like Controls
* 8 Dalek sound samples including speech and exterminator gun sound
* Directly control sound effects from buttons on the remote
* Uses 4 AA and 1 9V battery (not included)

St. Seraphim of Sarov, "Acquire the spirit of peace, and a thousand
souls around you will be saved."


http://www.metapleroma.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=298

...might be in Ang Lee film...mumble no details yet...

In the Clearing

When
The orchard
Of your dreams
No longer bears fruits
Listen to the blossom of silence
Hear the vastness of the still ocean
Feel the peace of no leaves in the breeze
Touch the freedom of no illusions
And see that your signature
Reveals not a face or a name
As the climax lacks thunder
For divine light is gentle
And the silence
Is pure

by Silent Lotus

KINUKO CRAFT: DRAWINGS AND PAINTINGS
http://www.metapleroma.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=619

I'm $75 poorer, but I now have all accessories for my new tent. Ropes, poles, stakes, ridgepole, makings for rope tensioners, a couple of new, sharp drill bits to make all the necesary holes with, and 16 small carabiners in red black and green to make my life easier. Now, on to construction!!!

TC

Berry season is one of my favorite times of the year. I love walking into the market and being able to load up on TONS of the same berries that would require me to take out a second mortgage for a half pint in December. And one of the nicest things about berries is that someone with blood sugar issues can nearly eat their weight in them without disrupting sugar balances, so, eaten with some yogurt or sprinkled over your cereal or just fresh out of a bowl is a guiltfree indulgence that you can have any time you want.

Of course, one of my favorite ways to eat them has nothing much to do with healthy (although there are worse things you can put into your muffins than blueberries...)

( Muffin-y goodness behind the cut )

We couldn't even wait the five minutes--we were into them, slathered with butter, as soon as they were cool enough to pick up.

Tender, LOADED with berries, tart with just a kiss of lemon, and REALLY good. And so quick and easy you can whomp up a batch anytime.

I had everything but the buttermilk right in the kitchen, so no shopping trip required, either!

got all but two phone calls made yesterday.

painting a still life today. can tell I've improved.

have to get trim paint for Rowan's room today - soon the boys will be separated and room mantainence (sp??) will go so much easier. I will not fret over the moving of heavy furniture. I will not fret over the moving of heavy furniture. I will not....

do have to clean out the rat cage today, bleh. but I feel happy knowing the rats are in a clean cage.
we spend a fortune on bedding. it's the guinea pig's fault.

just everyday life stuff here but moving forward is the key.

I'm down to 150mg of wellbutrin now, next week is 75mg. the only thing I've really noticed is feeling a bit blah and not having as much energy.

Last night we discovered a real cottage pub, just like right out of my life in London! I tried to send a text about it and sent, "Discovered a new cot" before accidentally sending it. I really don't know about this texting thing. But the cottage pub: so exciting. And cute, all stone and alleywayed. If only I liked microbrews. Haven't gone it in yet, but one of these nights I just know I'll be hankering for some vinegar flavored potato chips and a hard bench to sit on. Seriously though, if I need a place to go be contemplative at midnight and don't feel like a aluminum diner, now I know where to go.


My new little city in Pennsylvania is already a million times better a place for me to consider spending my life than Miami ever would have been. Another exciting recent find: good, eclectic radio stations that seem to NOT be owned by Clearchannel and therefore play all sorts of interesting and random music. You don't know how happy that makes me every time I turn on my car.

I already have on August's calendar a night hike, an astronomy gathering, and a Celtic/Irish festival. There's also a thriving theater scene here.


***

Today: pass the nuclear power plants to Ikea to buy a kitchen table, chairs, nightstand. Though, it seems masochistic to even be building the chairs. I mean, how many pieces of furniture do I really want to build? Ikea stuff really isn't that special now that I've built some of it. It's like Wal-Mart for yuppies.

This one really resonates with me currently!



I like these also!

Let your arms enfold us
Through the dark of night
Will your angels hold us
Till we see the light

Hush, lay down your troubled mind
The day has vanished and left us behind
And the wind, whispering soft lullabies
Will soothe, so close your weary eyes

Let your arms enfold us
Through the dark of night
Will your angels hold us
Till we see the light

Sleep, angels will watch over you
And soon beautiful dreams will come true
Can you feel spirits embracing your soul
So dream while secrets of darkness unfold

~Secret Garden, "Prayer"

...just in time for my morning shift at the Lancaster Library.

I really hope that I'm not bored out of my skull today and I hope the cramps decide to wait until AFTER my shift to really hit. I managed to curb them for the time being with some hardcore Reiki and Ibuprofen.

I'm relieved that the Dragon didn't decide to hit during work.

OMG CHRIS CARTER A++ FANFICTION

[insert thoughts here after getting sleep]

Wow! That month sure went by fast. Four weeks of fulltime school and teaching on top of it. Crazy. After the first week, I was already counting down the days until it would be over so that I would be able to actually get a decent nights sleep again and not want to throw myself in front of a train every day due to the stress, but now I really am shocked and kind of sad that it is over...but oh so happy that all of the stress and frustration and tears are over with!
The ten other CELTA trainees and the two trainers were great. I couldn't have asked for a better or more diverse group to be with. I have definitely built a lot of new friendships that will definitely last. All of the students we had were amazing as well.
I have learned so much in the past month and have no doubt that my teaching has extremely improved. I actually know how to organize a proper lesson now and have actually somehow made teaching grammar one of my strengths...and that is what my biggest fear was i nthe first place, not being able to teach English grammar properly.
I have to say that I feel really great now knowing that with passing the CELTA I am now able to teach English all over the world. It is seriously like having a key to every nation; and for me that has got to be one of the coolest things in the world.
I do not have a solid job lined up anywhere yet, but I do have a few people who would like to get private lessons with me, which will start bringing in some extra cash so that I do not have live on a few pieces of bread a day like I have been for over a month now.
Now the main focus is getting moved into the new apartment with E. next week (WOOHOO!!), and getting the final papers for my visa sorted so that I can get the visa and finally officially settle down here. That should take a few weeks, I would think, as long as nothing else extreme happens. ( E. and I already had two different apartments that we were supposed to move into, but then right before we were to get the contract signed and such, the bastard "Makler" gave the places to someone else!!!! GRRRRRRR!!!!)
I really cannot wait to get moved into the new place, even if it will practically be empty for quite a while. It will be paradise in comparison to being where I am now though. Then again, how could it not be if E. is there with me? :)
Oh yes! Another great thing that has come out of the CELTA is that one of the students, along with his wife, teach Turkish! And we have discussed setting things up so that I will give English lessons for Turkish lessons. How sweet is that? I will be sending them an email a bit later on today to try to get things set up. That is the coolest thing ever! They are also involved with people who teach Arabic, so I really managed to get some great connections to improve my languages, as well as help others with theirs. *HappyDance*
I was finally able to get in bed at a decent time last night, and was able to sleep in today as well, but after a month of insanity, I have to admit that I am still pretty wiped out. I think I am going to lay down for a little bit and just be a lazy bum ^_^
It is so great to be back online though. LJ and all my peoples on it, I missed you! :))

My Song of the Week // Mia : Mein Freund

200 Things Meme, seen around and stolen (this time via tidesong)
Copy and paste into your LJ. Bold the things you've done.
Questions? Ask away. Answers not guaranteed. ;)

01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said "I love you" and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Done a striptease
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a baby's diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse
30. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40. Seen a total eclipse
41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states.
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
53. Had amazing friends (and still have)
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government's official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Bench pressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
69. Alphabetized your records
70. Pretended to be a superhero
71. Sung karaoke
72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers (starring in HAiR counts!)
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theatre
80. Done something you should regret, but don't regret it
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who's not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog
83. Dropped Windows in favour of something better
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken (does it matter how long from one to the other?)
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Sword fought for the honour of a woman
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
91. Been in a movie
92. Crashed a party
93. Loved someone you shouldn't have (no such thing in my book)
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
97. Gone without food for 5 days
98. Made cookies from scratch
99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
101. Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
105. Got flowers for no reason
106. Masturbated in a public place
107. Got so drunk you don't remember anything
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
109. Performed on stage
110. Been to Las Vegas
111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark
113. Had a one-night stand
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Siouxsie live
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone (Does walking though a certain area in Boston count?)
118. Buried one/both of your parents
119. Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
123. Bounced a check
124. Performed in Rocky Horror
125. Read - and understood - your credit report
126. Raised children
127. Recently bought and played with a favourite childhood toy
128. Followed your favourite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132. Called or written your Member of Congress
132a. Had them write back
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
134. ... more than once?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
137. Had an abortion or your female partner did
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Petted a stingray
145. Broken someone's heart
146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job
148. Won money on a TV game show
149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild (Aren't most of them?)
157. Ridden a horse
158. Had major surgery
159. Had sex on a moving train
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
164. Visited more foreign countries than US states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
169. Been a sperm or egg donor
170. Eaten sushi
171. Had your picture in the newspaper
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
173. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions
175. Gone back to school
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name
178. Petted a cockroach
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes
180. Read "The Iliad"
181. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
183. ... and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184. Taught yourself art from scratch
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
187. Skipped all your school reunions
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
189. Been elected to public office
190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
195. Had a booth at a street fair
196. Dyed your hair
197. Been a DJ
198. Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
199. Written your own role playing game
200. Been arrested

"I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses."
- St. Paul, 2 Corinthians 12:5 (NIV)

I have to admit, a big reason I have this journal/blog and why I'm making so much if it public is that I have this never-ending problem and I want to know how to get it solved. Surrender is not an option, and suicide is DEFINITELY not an option, because suicide is the ultimate admission of defeat.

I'm one of those "difficult" cases in psychiatry. I elude labels, and I've gotten a few: Aspeger's disorder (when it was called "high-functioning autism"), attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, bipolar disorder, schizoaffective disorder, schizophrenia, panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, borderline personality disorder. And then there are other much less clinical and much more insulting labels not needed to be discussed here.

(I'll leave all the medical diagnoses and possible diagnoses aside for now.)

( Cut for length. )

So while I wait for "the cure", if there is or ever will be one, the least I can do is be open about it. I've been afraid of the stigma long enough. I can bear ridicule and rejection if I knew it was for the good of one other person who doesn't have the awareness and experience I have.

I've learned plenty in my 37-plus years of holy war. What would that make me if I wasn't willing to share this knowledge and wisdom?

I have no idea why I am awake.

I was up before 8 this morning. I went to work. After dinner I put on my headphones and walked 3 miles, singing my heart out. I enjoy this hiking trail, btw. It wanders through the woods and it's just awesome. After nightfall some of the trees look like they have speckles of light hitting them but it's actually some strange phophorescent moss that freaking glows in the dark... Bizarre!

Anyway, got home from the walk and the baby wouldn't give in and go to sleep, so I took him from my sister and sang him to sleep.

I answered a couple posts on the poly board and here on LJ, and as I am opening the store tomorrow I put myself to bed around 10:30. I went to sleep easily. Then I woke up at 11:30. Tired as hells, wide awake. Finally gave up about 30 minutes later, got up, called a friend, (thank gods for friends in multiple time zones), and here I am, still awake.

It wouldn't bother me so much if I knew why I'm awake. It's annoying.

Well, as long as I'm awake, I'll share my amusement factor for the day. While walking, I was actually poking fun at myself for being so sad about the lost relationship & the lost love & all the unanswered questions. I do, for those who are new to me, carry on silent conversations with myself. This one went something like this...

I guess I'm just kind of in mourning.
- But you aren't wearing black...
No, but I could.
- For the proscribed year?
Yep.
- You couldn't last that long wearing all black.
Sure I could! If I chose to!
- Nah, you'd be sneaking neon colored undies in.
Don't challenge me on it right now! I'll do it just to be contrary! I'll even go buy all black undies!
- so you're trying for the sexy mourning theme?
Hmph. Not sexy. I shall, however, be resplendent in my mourning!
- You know what they call people who try that, right?
What?
- Emo.
Eh, EMO people don't know what it means to mourn. They just mope. I shall be the mysterious, enigmatic mourner!
- Howso?
Why, because with all the mourning cloths, I'll still smile and laugh and be out having fun, and everyone will think it is so odd of me!
- They already think you're odd...
Yes, I know. *smirk* It's part of my charm.

Keep in mind, throughout this, I was walking along singing, chuckling at myself, and getting any number of odd looks from the people who were out tonight. I don't care. I am in a state of mourning. I have reason to be right now. It is good to know that I can still laugh at myself though, even if inside everything aches.

Hells, sometimes laughing at our own pain is the only way to stand up in spite of it.

I wonder if he really believed I didn't love him and would move right along without him, or if he knew, or still knows that I love him? The last time his mother spoke to me she told me he did not believe I loved him and that he had told her so. I told her what he believed I feel had become rather irrelevant, but that I did love him as much as I claimed to. She got angry at that and told me I did not. Then she suddenly had to go and would not take my calls after that. I thought it an odd reaction for her to have had. Another strange mystery left unsolved.

How could I not love him as much as I do? How could it even be open for debate? He was, is, and always will be, Mo Anam Cara.

It sucks, to put it very mildly, and I miss him so much. I mighttry to talk to him if I could think of him without nearly bursting with the desire to tell him I still love him, still want him in my life, still believe in him... That I forgive him...

I do hope he is happy now, though. He swore he would be happy if he were alone. I wonder though, if he really said that to his mother. I wonder if he has demonized me as completely as he did his first wife, or if some part of him still cares for me.

I wonder if he ever misses me, too.

Not that it matters, I guess. These sleepless nights just leave me with many questions and things I wonder about.

I found this quote on a Buddhist site, but it makes sense for any religion:

"Every religion consists of not only the teachings of the founder of that religion but also the rites and ceremonies which have grown up around the basic core of the teachings. These rituals and ceremonies have their origins in the cultural practices of the people who accepted the religion. Usually the founders of the great religions do not lay down precise rules about the rituals to be observed. But religious leaders who come after them formalize the religion and set up exacting codes of behavior which the followers are not allowed to deviated from."

I discovered that truly spiritual people teach ways of spirituality that are reasonably and suprisingly easy. It's the unspiritual leaders of a faith that creep in during the history of the faith that make it hard, so they can control and oppress. They don't really serve God or Ultimate Truth, but commit a form of self-worship: autolatry, the worst form of idolatry.

(I've never been a Buddhist, but I've been influenced by some degree of the Buddha's teachings since high school, when I was still a Southern Baptist. And Sufism and Buddhism have a lot in common.)