Journal of the Daily Porn

spr0nadic - Drabble mania!

Mon, 28 Jun 2004 03:56:21 GMT

All of these were written for jmtorres's Thousand Drabbles thing. Go on and take a look. You can answer a request or write a drabble and make one of your own.

I'm going to post all the ones I wrote today here, because well, spamming is bad.

1.) Werewolf!Victor Frankenstein/Dracula (Van Helsing) for elekdragon:

He traces a finger over Victor's bare flesh, reveling in the groans Victor makes.

"You fool!" spits Victor. "I will free myself and destroy you!"

"Make your little noises," is his reply. "They are rather like the mewing of a kitten. Soon, that will change.” He thrusts a hand out in the direction of the open window. “For you see, the moon has nearly risen. The beast shall be free!” he says with a flourish.

Dracula watches as the transformation begins, as the wolf tears its way out.

“Yessss,” he hisses, eager to toy with the wolf that is free.

2.) Utena incestfic (Set around the time of the Black Rose/Car duels) for jmtorres:

My brother would never hurt me. This is why he takes my glasses off before he embraces me. This is why he kisses me tenderly and whispers kind things in my ear.

My brother loves me. This is why he takes care of me and I am the Rose Bride. He would never leave me for another.

Then why do I find myself becoming so jealous of the way my brother behaves around Miss Utena?

Miss Utena cares for me. She and my brother are friends and nothing more. Friends the way ChuChu and I are. Friends and nothing more.

3.) Brennan/Eckhart (Mutant X), written so I could make another request. heh.

Brennan strains against his bonds. He winces as he hears the snap of latex against skin, knowing that Eckhart is preparing. Preparing to examine *him*.

“You see, Mister Mulwray,” explains Eckhart as he leans over to ensure that Brennan is secure, “You are unique and must be studied thoroughly.”

“Go fuck yourself,” sneers Brennan.

“Such wit,” smirks Eckhart. “I can see why you’re Adam’s favorite.”

If this were any other situation, Brennan would ponder that. The gleam of the scalpel in Eckhart’s hand forces Brennan to bite his lip as the blade gets closer and closer to his skin. When Eckhart makes that first slice into Brennan’s caramel colored flesh and the blood wells up, it’s all Brennan can do to keep from screaming.

“Very interesting, wouldn’t you say, Mister Mulwray?” Eckhart comments. “Scream all you like. In fact, I hope you will,” Eckhart says as he makes another cut.

4.) Hondo/Street (S.W.A.T. [2003]), written so I could make yet another request. heh.

There’s not much room in the back seat and the vinyl of the seats clings to their skin. There’s that ripping sound when either of them lift a body part up.

None of it matters, because there’s sweat and skin and licking and things hurt at times because of being pressed against a door in the wrong way, but fuck, then Street’s tongue finds a way to touch him in a way he hasn’t felt before and sweet Jesus, he’ll be damned if that doesn’t make it all better.

“Always wanted to make it in a cop car,” pants Street.

Go on and guess which requests are mine. hee.

spr0nadic (Pick Boy/Antonio, U-Pick Live)

Sun, 27 Jun 2004 06:52:58 GMT

Written for jmtorres's Thousand Drabble thing.

Jeff pulls the final name from the torch and "Pick Boy" is read aloud. He seems so happy and excited to be leaving, but you know it's an act. That's why this was all taped earlier. Candace hugs you as Pick Boy dances around like a dork and does his damnedest to act happy that he's been kicked off the show.

She holds your hand as you watch him dance out of the studio and you put your bravest face on for the cameras. Once the cameras and the audience is gone, the tears will come.

And so will he.

spr0nadic (Haku/Zabuza, Naruto)

Fri, 18 Jun 2004 03:53:00 GMT

elekdragon wanted something fucked up, yet an AU. He came up with the AU and I listened.

He watches as his mother opens the door and invites the strange man with dark eyes inside.

He watches as the strange man slaughters his family. Watches as the blood of his mother and father stain the walls. Watches as the strange man licks his blade clean after he finishes.

He holds his breath as the strange man lays eyes upon him. The strange man smiles and puts his knife back in its sheath. The strange man holds his hand out to the young boy and says, "You may stay with them, or you may come with me. Only through one of your choices will you truly live."

The young boy swallows hard and exhales, thinking the offer over. "I will go with you. And live," he says after a moment, and takes the strange man's hand.

"Very well," the strange man says as he leads the young boy out of the house. "I will teach you all that I know, and you will serve me."

The young boy smiles as the two of them walk outside. At last, he will live.

spr0nadic (Chris Pontius/Steve-O, Wildboyz)

Sun, 13 Jun 2004 07:12:06 GMT

Dude. Season finales already? (This Sunday) The hell? I know MTV has shorter seasons with exceptions, but geez. Also? MTV? Get your asses in gear and release Viva La Bam and Wildboyz on DVD already.

So there was Wildboyz tonight, and they were in East Africa and then Rwanda at the Volcano National Park. And the guide shows them wild celery. Pontius discloses to Steve-O that it makes your (whispered) semen taste better. Steve-O tells Pontius to eat some. He does. They giggle and walk off-camera.

Steve-O leans against a wall and listens to the sounds of slapping and heavy breathing. "Dude, did you eat enough of that wild celery?"

Pontius glares at Steve-O from his prone position on the bed and pauses his stroking. "I'm gonna be picking fucking celery strings out of my teeth for a week. I think I ate enough."

Steve-O shrugs. "You're the one who said it makes your junk taste good, not me."

"Yeah, and you're the one who volunteered to taste test."

Steve-O giggles. "Dude. After everything else I've eaten, you think a little spunk is gonna bother me?"

Pontius resumes stroking and eventually, with a grunt, reaches orgasm. "Come 'n' get it," he giggles. "While it's hot."

Steve-O walks over to the bed and licks some of the semen off of Pontius's fingers.

"Well?"

Steve-O smacks his lips and grins. "Dude, that was pretty good. For a guy's junk, I mean."

Pontius snorts. "D'you have anything to compare it with?"

"No, man. It's not like I make a habit of tasting this shit."

Pontius giggles and gets to his feet so he can jump on the bed. "We need to have a taste test!"

spr0nadic (Evan Farmer/Jason Cameron, While You Were Out)

Fri, 11 Jun 2004 05:53:44 GMT

Because I have been pimped and pimped mightily (Okay, so I was in five minutes after seeing them interact) by saone77...

Jason pulled the lever of the recliner he was sitting in and leaned back. He unwrapped the popsicle he held in his other hand and raised it to his lips. Peace. And quiet. And a popsicle. It was one of the few quiet moments Jason had while on the job and he didn't want to waste it.

"So that's where you've been hiding."

The sound of Evan's voice caused Jason to smoosh the popsicle against his face.

Jason looked up at Evan, annoyed. "Why couldn't you stay by the carpentry tent?"

Evan grinned and sat down on the arm of the chair. "I got lonely," he admitted.

Jason snorted.

Evan grinned, and with a flick of his finger, tasted the popsicle that was now mostly smeared on Jason's face. "Mmm, cherry."

spr0nadic (Jay/Silent Bob, Askewniverse)

Thu, 10 Jun 2004 06:37:41 GMT

I offered to write some pr0n to cheer up barbana. Here it is. So I'm a little (okay, a lot) late. heh.

She asked for Jay/Silent Bob with Pop Rocks and a hookah. This is what resulted.

Jay fiddled with the hookah until it was sitting "just right" on the coffee table. Silent Bob had insisted on having no involvement ever since Jay spotted the thing at a thrift store. But once Jay had seen the contraption made of green glass and what looked like gold, there was no stopping him.

Silent Bob had watched Jay struggle with the hookah on the way home, wondering where the hell they were going to keep it when they needed the table. The damn thing was huge. Bob pulled some Pop Rocks from one of the many pockets of his voluminous coat and observed as Jay loaded it up with some of the "good shit".

"Yo, Lunchbox. Gimme your lighter! And 'cause my ass dragged this motherfuckin' thing home by myself, your lazy ass ain't getting' a smoke from it."

Silent Bob favored Jay with a finger before pulling out a lighter and tossing it to Jay.

"Careful!" Jay barked as he caught the lighter. "You don't wanna hurt my new baby, do you?"

Silent Bob rolled his eyes and tossed some more Pop Rocks into his mouth.

"Yeah, yeah. We'll see who's sorry when I'm lighting up, bitch."

For a few minutes, the only sounds in the apartment were the Pop Rocks detonating in Silent Bob's mouth and Jay's breathing as he fiddled with the hookah.

"Awright!" Jay crowed as he rubbed his hands together. "I'm firin' this bad boy up! Enjoy the show, 'cause you ain't getting' none." Jay flicked the lighter and held the flame to where he figured it should go on the hookah and raised one of the hoses to his mouth.

Silent Bob held the packet of Pop Rocks up to his mouth and frowned when there were no more forthcoming. He crumpled the packet up and threw it at Jay's head.

Jay was sucking on the hose, so all he could do was raise a finger at Bob. Silent Bob shrugged and retreated to the kitchen, wanting to be clear of the blast zone, should a disaster occur.

Sure enough, as Bob rummaged through the fridge, there was a loud boom and the smell of smoke. He hurried back into the living room to find Jay sprawled on the floor with a smile on his face. "Look," Jay said as he pointed to the cloud of smoke.

The smoke cleared and revealed a scantily clad blonde female, who was snapping gum and looked vaguely bored. The makeup on her face was overdone but she was still attractive.

"Fuckin' A," Jay breathed as he got to his feet. "I gots me a genuine genie! Baby, I am gonna rub yous the right way!"
"Excuse me?!?!" the genie said in reply. "Back the fuck off, you stoner shit. You're not getting your hands anywhere near me."

"But don't you got to grant me some wishes?" Jay licked his lips lasciviously as he eyed the genie.

"Pffft!" The genie's eye was caught by Silent Bob. "Hello there, Mister quiet, dark and handsome…"

Silent Bob's eyes widened in alarm. He pointed to himself and the genie nodded.

"Why don't you try and rub me, big guy. I'm sure I can make your wishes come true," she purred.

Silent Bob blushed and his hands grew very busy as he attempted to explain that he and Jay were a thing and Bob was quite loyal to Jay despite the latter's wandering eye…

"Enough!" the genie snapped at Silent Bob. "I give up. The two of you deserve each other. To prove I'm not a total bitch, I'll grant one wish for each of you."

Jay and Silent Bob looked at each other as Jay's smile grew particularly lewd.

"No, not like that you pervy shit! Jesus, you fucking people." The genie snapped her fingers and a lush, green marijuana plant appeared in the apartment. "As long as you never use this hookah again, that plant will give you pot for the rest of your life." The genie leaned so that she was in Jay's face. "Do you understand?" She saw that Jay's eyes were focused on her chest, so she smacked him. She looked at Silent Bob. "Explain it to him, will you?"

Silent Bob nodded as if to say, "That hookah is going back to the thrift store as soon as you're gone."

"As for you, my bearded lovely…" The genie paused and thought about it. "Your little friend here will actually listen to you when you want him to. I'd help you out in the bedroom, but I don't even want to think about *him* in there."

"Thanks," said Bob and then shrugged as if to say, "What can you do?"

The genie disappeared in another puff of smoke. Silent Bob picked up the hookah and headed for the door.

"You ruin everything you fat fuck! If it wasn't for you, that genie would've been grantin' *all* of my wishes. And now you're takin' my pretty new pipe away."

Jay continued to rant, but Silent Bob tuned him out as he left the apartment. When he got back, Jay was going to listen. A lot. He was definitely going to listen. Possibly in the bedroom.

spr0nadic (Chris Pontius/Steve-O, Wildboyz)

Sun, 30 May 2004 22:36:33 GMT

It's Wildboyz, only they're Wildgirlz! (tm themom). Yes, Pontius and Steve-O woke up as girls too, and well...

Steve-O was still a gangly, dorky freak. Only now he was a girl. So was Pontius. She was going to miss being Party Boy, and Party Girl didn't have the same ring to it. Of all the things he'd lost in the change, Pontius would miss her dick the most.

"Dude, focus!" Steve-O squeaked. Some things would never change. "Are you gonna pop my cherry or not?"

Pontius grinned and grabbed a bowl of cherries. "This should be a first. Popping a cherry with cherries." She tossed a few into her mouth and prepared to spit them at the target. "Spread your legs," was the muffled command from Pontius.

Steve-O leaned back and spread her legs wide open. I'm ready when you are!"

With that, Pontius began to spit cherries at Steve-O's vagina. The first few were decidedly off-target, but with practice, Pontius's aim grew better.

"Almost got me, dude!"

"Just wait." Pontius scooped up a few more cherries and popped them into her mouth. She began to spit them out rapidly.

"Dude!!" Steve-O squealed as the cherries finally hit their target. She squirmed and looked at Pontius. "I think a few of those went inside. You gonna get 'em out or what?"

"And ruin my nails?"

spr0nadic (Charlie Haas/Rico, WWE)

Sat, 29 May 2004 05:19:48 GMT

Written while chatting with elekdragon, I'm just posting this because I actually wrote something. And I haven't done that lately. Stupid illness.

"Five, six, seven, eight..."

"Rico!" Charlie barked. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Hmm? Oh, nothing. Just counting the sequins on Jackie's bikini."

"Could you keep it down? I'm trying to stretch here."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Charles. Yes, I can count silently. Go on with your stretching." Rico waved his hand in a distracted fashion. He continued counting silently, nine, ten, eleven... Who knew he had so many freckles?, Rico wondered to himself. Rico also wondered what it would be like to play connect the dots with the freckles. And his tongue.

spr0nadic (Chris Pontius/Steve-O, Wildboyz)

Sun, 16 May 2004 07:02:41 GMT

themom was kind and generous and shared Glomb pics with me for the fanlisting. I offered to write more of the Tarzan AU and she liked that idea. So I did. themom, if this isn't enough, let me know and I'll write more when I get a chance. :-)

"Give it to me in the butt," commanded Jane-O.

Tarzius frowned at this. "Me not sure. Me never heard of cure being done this way before."

"Dude, I'm tellin' you, this is the way it's done!" Jane-O lifted up his leopard skin loincloth and wiggled his ass at Tarzius.

"But you got bite from ants up on chest. Me was there. Me saw Jane-O in pain."

"Yeah, dude," Jane-O squeaked, "But I talked with that tribal chief guy and he said that the butt is where it's at!"

Tarzius shrugged. "Me no like seeing Jane-O in pain. But you not seem like you in pain any more. Seem fine to me. You sure you need this?"

"Totally!" Jane-O told Tarzius as he pulled his leopard skin loincloth down and bent over.

"Okay..." Tarzius said, still unsure. He grabbed it, ran straight for Jane-O's ass and rammed it in. Jane-O was in pain again, Tarzius decided, but it was a *good* pain this time.

spr0nadic (Spence/Fish, Dan/Chris, Leeches!/The Brotherhood crossover)

Fri, 14 May 2004 21:07:25 GMT

This was elekdragon's request for pr0n #365. I'm not gonna go back and edit that entry to include it, but it will be with #365 when I finally get around to updating the pr0nsite.

Chris fanned himself with a page torn from a notebook as he lazed on his bed, clad only in a wifebeater and shorts. He looked over at Dan. "Hey, you're the geek, why can't you explain this sudden heatwave?"

Dan closed his textbook with a loud slam and glared up at Chris. "I'm into computers, remember? Weather is only a concern of mine when it gets too hot. Like it is now." He paused and chewed on the pen he held. "Which reminds me, we need to get another fan for the room."

Chris sighed as he got to his feet. "You'd think with a school right near a lake, it wouldn't be this hot."

"You would also think that with a lake, the school wouldn't need a pool," called out a voice.

Dan and Chris looked at each other. "Knock knock!" came the voice again.

"Be there in a sec, Spence!" was the chorused reply.

"Take your time," Spence smirked. "I know you two need to make yourselves decent."

"Ha ha." Dan got up and walked over to the partially open door, opening it further. "What's up?" he said to the two handsome men, standing there clad only in swim trunks and sandals.

"Fish and I were wondering if you guys wanted to go swimming. I came up with leech repellent, so the lake, while a little cold, should be perfectly safe for us to swim in."

Dan looked back at Chris, who shrugged in a way that said, "Why not?"

"Sure, we'll meet you guys there," Dan told them.

"Great!"

Dan waited until they walked out of sight to close the door and turned to Chris, who was attempting to sit up on his bed. "Snap to it, stud," he lisped. "I wanna see you in that new Speedo."

"But the lake, it'll be cold! Shrinkage!"

"You? Worried about shrinkage? Please."

spr0nadic (Bam Margera/Ryan Dunn, Viva La Bam)

Tue, 11 May 2004 05:59:51 GMT

minotaurs pointed out that this is even better than "sp0radic pr0n". And it is. So I'm using it. *g*

I managed to catch most of episode 3 (The Fatboy Face-off) at work today, and I noticed something between Bam and Ryan...

Bam and Ryan have a way of communicating that's absolutely silent. All hand signals, touching and body language. Hugs, ass slaps, brief shoulder clasps. So much is said without either of them saying a word. Sure, one of them might comment on what the other did. "You hugged me," Ryan might say after Bam hugged him.

Then there are the times when slammed doors, fists, stomped feet and loud music stand in for the two of them talking. Talking about how Ryan feels because of something Bam did. Or because of stupid pride.

They both like it when there's more of the hugs and ass slaps. They'll never say a word about it to each other, let alone anyone else. That's okay. April knows, and she approves. She thinks they deserve each other, and that more often than not, Bam and Ryan make each other happy.

sp0radic pr0n (Bob/Walt, Stuck On You)

Fri, 07 May 2004 05:53:56 GMT

Not daily, not weekly. It's somewhere in the middle. It's... sp0radic.

workingslacker got the first request. I told her it had to be something I'd never written before. This is what she asked for.

Bob flips through the pages of his magazine listlessly as the bed shakes and squeaks. He hears the familiar grunts and groans from Walt's side of the curtain, but they're almost background noise.

Which is why Bob is surprised when Walt pulls the curtain back and looks to Bob. "Hey, uh..."

Bob puts his magazine down and raises an eyebrow. "Done already?"

"It's not that. I can't uh..."

"You can't what?"

"I can't get off," Walt admits in an embarassed half-whisper.

The ensuing laughter from Bob makes Walt wish he could crawl away and hide. He can't. Walt clears his throat and looks at Bob with sad eyes. "You know I can't sleep unless I, y'know."

"Yeah, I know," says Bob with a sigh.

Together, they sit up in bed.

"Would you mind...?"

Bob hangs his head in defeat. He can never resist Walt when he asks. "Yeah, okay." Tenatively, slowly, he reaches over and touches Walt's cock. "Jesus, Walt, could you lay off with the lotion? I'm having trouble getting a grip here."

"You think you're funny don't you?"

Bob shrugs. "I like to think so."

Walt decides that there's only one way to handle this, so he does. He grabs spits in a hand, reaches into Bob's pants and gives *his* cock a tug.

"Whoa!"

"What's wrong, Bob? Can't take a little of your own medicine?"

"Your hand is COLD! It's not fair that I got all the good circulation, 'cause that really sucks sometimes."

Walt snorts. "Not my fault, brother-mine."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." They shift again, together, and get comfortable. Bob looks down at their hands on each other's cocks and then up at Walt. "You better sleep like a goddamn baby after this. And you're doin' the laundry, too."

pr0n #365: Son of pr0n

Mon, 19 Apr 2004 05:52:06 GMT

Sequels! (And if you missed it, the remix is here)

Sequel to #138 (Dave/Paul, The Dead Hate The Living!) -- Post movie, Dave's POV

I wonder what Paul was thinking about as we put that makeup on. Did we really think that idea would work? It almost did. Fuck.

What I told Topaz? "Try to live," just echoes in my head now. We're not living. We're dying. Slowly.

Paul? He would've loved this shit. He would've talked about all the new ideas he was getting, and how this idea more than any other, would help us become the next Romero and Savini.

Those bastards got to him. He's in a better place, I hope. While Topaz and I try... to live.

Tangles wanted a sequel to this, from #150 (Casey Affleck/Matt Damon/Joaquin Phoenix, Paper Umbrella) -- Aftermath and discovery

Casey's jaw drops open at the sight of his boyfriend and Matt, with their pants around their ankles. "What the *fuck*?!" Casey yelps.

"Whoa, hey, calm down, Case, it's not what it seems."

Matt's words don't have the intended calming effect, and instead make things worse.

"Fuck you, Matt," snarls Casey. He grabs Matt's shoulders and pulls him roughly out of the broom closet. "Hey Ben!"

There's the sound of footsteps and "Yeah? Whaddya want?" as Ben gets closer.

Casey slips into the closet with Joaquin, slamming the door behind him. There's a scream from Joaquin and then muffled sounds.

Matt fumbles with his pants, and looks up at Ben's approach.

"Matt? What happened here?"

Matt has no answer for Ben. None at all.

saone77 asked for a sequel to #354 (Nightwing/Robin, DC Comics) -- Be agressive.

"So, will you do it?"

"Tim, you *know* how Bruce feels about it."

"Yeah, I know. But you looked so *impressive*..."

Dick shook his head. "What happened that other night... I lost control. That should never happen again."

Tim decided that he would begin to work on "helping" Dick lose control right then and there.

wyomingnot wanted a sequel to #78 (Jonathan Kent/Lex Luthor, Smallville) -- How... Jerry Springer.

It had been a few days since Jonathan Kent had awakened gay. Clark thought he would get used to his dad being gay, though there were some things that would take getting used to. Like the showtunes.

Clark felt there was something his dad wasn't telling him. Which was odd, since his dad had come booming out of the closet. Which is why Clark's stomach felt like it fell out when his mom and dad sat him down in the kitchen one afternoon.

"Son, your mother and I love you very much, but due to my being a homosexual, she's decided to get a divorce."

Martha nodded. "The neighbors are talking, and your father's fondness for showtunes is quite frankly, getting on my nerves."

Jonathan chuckled. "Sorry about that."

The divorce was amiable and for the most part, it was pleasant. Clark decided to keep living with his dad, because he was needed more than ever on the farm for chores. Clark wondered who his dad kept going into town to see, but never asked. It was his *dad*, and even when his dad wasn't gay, that was too gross to think about.

Clark came home from school one day and found one of Lex's cars parked near the house. There wasn't anything odd about that. Lex probably wanted to talk to him about something.

Clark felt like his stomach had fallen out again as he walked into the house and found his dad and Lex making out on the couch.

"Clark!" Jonathan boomed. "Meet your new stepdad!"

For the first time in his life, Clark fainted without meteor rocks around.

workingslacker asked for a sequel to #101 (Nightwing/Robin, DC Comics) -- Will the same trick work again?

Another night, another stakeout. "Diiiiiiiick," whisper-whined Tim.

"Shhhh!" hissed Dick.

"Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiick."

Dick did his best to ignore the continued whisper-whines, but they began to grate and made concentration difficult. He fumbled with his utility belt and pulled something round out. There was a ripping sound and Tim blinked in surprise as Dick slapped a piece of tape over his mouth.

"Mmmph! Mmmmph!"

To Dick's ears, there had never been a sweeter sound.

Vix wanted a sequel to #273 (Chris Pontius/Colin Farrell, RPS) -- The morning after the morning after.

They had decided that the best way to solve the mystery of Colin's ass hurting was to recreate the night before. Chris was of absolutely no help in figuring out if his hurt, because his was used to all sorts of abuse.

So that night, they had gotten drunk again, and tried to recreate the previous night's events. Sadly, neither of them paid attention to how much liquor was consumed and so, the next morning, Colin woke to find Chris giggling madly.

"What's so bleedin' funny?"

"This time, *my* ass hurts."

There's one more sequel to be written, but I haven't seen him online yet, so I can't work out the details for that. Yet. But yeah, there you have it. A year of pr0n.

And for my own curiousity more than anything else (trust me, this isn't an attempt to troll for feedback), what were your favorite pr0ns? And why?

pr0n #364 (Batman/Robin [Tim Drake], DC Comics)

Sun, 18 Apr 2004 04:54:32 GMT

saone77 asked for this. Seeing as how she's going to try a fandom, it's the least I could do. *g*

It's not something they talk about. It's something they will *never* talk about. But it's something they have in common.

And they've caught each other doing it, but all it takes is a cleared throat or a nudge to bring them back to the task at hand.

They both watch Dick when he's in action, because it's beautiful. There is no time for wistful sighs while they watch him, because they need to pay attention for Dick's cue.

Batman would never act on his impulses, because romance, particularly with someone like Dick, would be a deadly mistake. For one of them.

Tim would never act on his impulses, because... it's *Dick*. And Tim knows that Batman would frown on it.

They both know about the other.

And Dick? He remains blissfully unaware.

pr0n #363 (The Rock/Johnny Knoxville, RPS)

Sat, 17 Apr 2004 05:09:44 GMT

About a week ago, I had a dream in which I came up with the idea of an AU in which the Rock is a revival preacher and Johnny Knoxville is a guy seeking salvation, and okay, there was this thing about honey on the rock...

So, um, yeah. This is from that AU.

It was hot in the tent as the Rock paced the front of the church. The top few buttons of his shirt were undone, enough to give Johnny a tantalizing glimpse of caramel brown skin. "Can you smelllllllllll what the Lord is planning for you?" he asked the audience.

"Amen!" came the chorused reply.

Johnny loosened his tie and averted his eyes from the Rock's tall, stalking form. He knew this had been a mistake. Johnny wanted to get up and leave. That would draw attention to himself, and that would be the opposite of what he wanted. He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand and lowered his head, as if in prayer.

Rock noticed the parishoner's head, lowered in prayer. "Brother!" he boomed as he walked over to where Johnny sat. "Can I get an 'Amen!'?"

Johnny looked up and blinked. "Shit," he murmured.

pr0n #362 (Maggie Smith/Keanu Reeves, Paper Umbrella)

Fri, 16 Apr 2004 05:17:00 GMT

wyomingnot mentioned this "pink footy pyjama" challenge and found a way to work it with Keanu and Maggie. How could I say no?

Maggie held the evidence in front of Keanu's downcast face. "Did you leave one of your red handkerchiefs in the laundry when I washed my pyjamas?"

Keanu barely nodded.

"Look at them! They're ruined!"

"I'm sorry, Maggie."

"I know you are, dear. These were my favorite pair of pyjamas, and now they're this horrid shade of pink. They even had that lovely flap in the rear."

In spite of the moment, Keanu giggled at Maggie's use of "rear."

"Keanu!" Maggie snapped. "You've ruined my pyjamas and there should be a punishment for this." She deposited the evidence onto the coffee table and looked at him. "I believe I know the perfect way to do so."

"Awww, no..."

"No whining!"

"Yes, Maggie."

"You are not allowed to go surfing, for a week. Do you understand me?"

The disappointment was clear in Keanu's voice. "Yes, Maggie."

"As for other punishments... *Those* will be meted out elsewhere."

pr0n #361 (Zabuza/Haku, Naruto)

Wed, 14 Apr 2004 06:19:28 GMT

Posting now because I will probably be in no condition to do so after work tomorrow.

Spoilers through Chapters (32 - 33) in Shonen Jump #17. They are so very much my fucked up, angsty, heartbreaking OTP.

On the way home, Naruto talks of the bowls of ramen that Iruka will buy him for successfully completing their mission and how impressed Konohamaru will be when he tells him of their adventures. Sakura asks Sasuke about his near-death experience and annoys him repeatedly.

Kakashi is lost in his own thoughts, thoughts that tend to turn toward Zabuza and Haku. He wonders if they really are in a better place now. He hopes that they have found peace, together. Kakashi has a grudging respect for Zabuza and what he did. Nothing but pity for Haku, who was used like a tool.

He likes to think that they're together, in that better place. That Zabuza was able to go there with Haku. A place where there's no pain or scars, only peace. And each other.

pr0n #360 (Bam Margera/Tony Hawk, RPS)

Wed, 14 Apr 2004 04:30:59 GMT

I owed immicolia for this icon (Isn't it great?), so I agreed to write her pr0n involving Tony, Bam and Tony's new-ish tattoo.

Five days til the Remix!

Bam studies Tony's new tattoo for the longest time. It's still fairly new and it glistens in the light. Bam longs to touch it, but he's not sure if Tony would be okay with that.

Tony clears his throat, which causes Bam to look up at him.

"Yeah?"

"You could touch it if you want," Tony grins.

Bam reddens. "Thanks," he mutters and gently touches it with an index finger. He knows how tender new tattoos can be, and he doesn't want to hurt Tony. As Bam's finger connects with Tony's skin, Bam is filled with a sudden urge to trace this fresh, new mark of ink with his tongue, and then proceed to worship Tony however he pleases.

The urge passes, and Bam takes his finger away. "Pretty cool," he says.

Tony nods, and the two of them compare notes on tattoo artists, and the differences in male and female artists. In the back of Bam's mind, though, rests that urge.

pr0n #359 (Jon Favreau/Phillip Webb, Paper Umbrella)

Tue, 13 Apr 2004 05:24:19 GMT

T mentioned that Phillip seemed like a war hero lately and BAM! AU. All her fault. *nods*

Phillip finished the letter and folded it. He turned to the soldier sitting next to him in the foxhole. "If I don't make it out of here alive, would you see to it that this gets to that U.S.O. emcee?"

The soldier frowned. "Jumpin' Jonny Favreau?"

"That's the one."

"Why?"

"Jonny's a... friend of mine."

"Oh, right."

Phillip made sure the other soldier saw where he put the letter. Then he turned his mind to the task at hand, survival. Surviving so he could see Jonny's smiling face again.

Phillip didn't even want to think about what Jonny's face might look like if he got that letter. He grabbed his gun, swallowed hard and whispered, "See you soon, Jonny."

pr0n #358 (Chris Pontius/Steve-O, Wildboyz)

Mon, 12 Apr 2004 05:00:48 GMT

For Easter. I, of course, would never use a ferret (or two) in such a manner, and I'm sure the Wildboyz themselves never would either. The Peeps are another story.

Oh, and one week til the Remix!

Steve-O looked at the camera and held up a string of Peeps. "I strung these marshmallow chick Peeps together and stuck them in the freezer. Now they're ready to go up Pontius's ass."

Chris bent over and presented his ass to the camera. He craned his neck to see Steve-O pouring lube over the string of Peeps. Chris squealed and giggled as the first Peep touched his butthole. "It's cold!"

"What did you expect, dude? They're frozen!"

After a lot of grunting from both Steve-O and Chris, the first Peep successfully made its way up Chris's ass.

"Now, what's gonna happen after we get the rest of these up there," Steve-O said to the camera, "Is that Pontius will put on some really baggy pants and drop a couple ferrets into them. Ferrets *love* Peeps, so we'll see how long it takes for them to find 'em."

Pontius giggled again. "Are you *sure* my cup is ferret-proof?" he said to no one in particular.

Steve-O gave a cry of "Yeah, dude!" as the next-to-last Peep was inserted into Chris's ass, with just one lonely chick dangling from his butthole.

"It feels so weird," Chris said with a smile. "They're chilly and squishy and *melting*!" He took the offered pants and stepped into them. "My poo is gonna be sugary and yellow for a long time!"

Steve-O helped tape the cuffs to Chris's ankles and then stepped back as the ferret wrangler walked over. "Dude, I wouldn't stick a toy car up my butt, so can you imagine what my dad would do if I stuck some marshmallows up there?"

Chris held the waist of his pants open as the ferrets were dropped in. Almost immediately the ferrets went for the Peeps, which caused Chris to leap in the air and scream. "They found 'em! They found 'em!" He jumped around a bit longer before starting to giggle maniacally. "Actually, it kinda tickles with their whiskers..."

pr0n #357 (Chris Pontius/Colin Farrell, RPS)

Sun, 11 Apr 2004 04:49:20 GMT

Vix mentioned that the world needs more Colin/Chris (this came to her after watching a Wildboyz marathon) and I remembered that anecdote about Pontius getting drunk before flying, and well, who better to teach Chris to get really drunk than the master? (And I need a Colin/Chris icon)

Colin sized Chris up. "I hear you like to drink before flying."

Chris nodded. "I don't like being up there, and drinking helps."

"I'm sure it does." Colin took a swig from his bottle of beer. "Tell me about your regimen."

"I just drink whatever until I feel comfortable about flying."

"Whatever? You can't just drink whatever's handy, man. You've got to have a plan!" Colin took a swig from his bottle of beer. "Take this brew, for example. While it's fine for hanging out with your mates, I wouldn't reccomend it for pre-flight drinking."

Chris nodded. "So, what would you suggest?"

"Your hard liquors are good. Whiskeys, vodkas, anything with a high liquor content. That'll get you on your ass in a hurry." Colin nudged Chris with his elbow. "Then they'll have to pour you into a wheelchair for boarding, eh?"

Chris laughed. "Should we do a test run? So you can uh, coach me?"

Colin smirked. "I thought you'd never ask." He grabbed a glass and poured some whiskey into it. The brownish-amber liquid filled the glass. "Don't make an amateur's mistake and get it on the rocks. The ice can dilute the alcohol and that's not what we're after. Get it straight and throw it back like they used to in those westerns."

Chris nodded and acted as if he were taking mental notes. "Can I?"

"Go on, have a drink." Colin gave the glass to Chris. "That's right, finish it all in one go."

Chris belched and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Thass a lil stronger... 'n I'm used to..." Chris slumped over the bar. He was still partially conscious and heard a familiar voice squeak, "Yeah, dude!" and what sounded like a high five being slapped out.

"Fuckin' Farrell," Chris muttered before he passed out.

pr0n #356 (Jamie Noble, WWE)

Sat, 10 Apr 2004 06:02:20 GMT

On Smackdown! last night (4/9), Jamie wore regular tights instead of the cutoff jeans he normally wears. Character change or something. Anyway, the tights were um, more revealing than I expected.

Jamie stands in front of the mirror and studies his reflection. He focuses on his new tights and how he looks in them. His legs look good, though the tights'll take some getting used to. After all, he's used to the cutoffs and Tommy Hilfiger boxer briefs.

Then Jamie's eyes fall on his crotch. He can see that the outline of his penis is clearly visible, and that might be distracting for his opponent. Jamie sticks a hand in his tights and shifts it to the left. Then he studies that in the mirror to see how it looks.

"Nah," he decides and reaches back in and shifts it to the right. "That's better," he breathes. He's already tried straight up, but then the head pokes out and that just ain't allowed.

pr0n #207 (Clark/Lex, Smallville)

Fri, 09 Apr 2004 06:15:55 GMT

This should be backdated, but I'm not going to. It's just here now so I can say that "Yeah, I did it."

I was watching Cheaper by the Dozen and caught sight of Tom Welling's hairy legs. Which gave me an idea...

Lex rubbed his hand over Clark's leg. The hair there was dark, and soft. Yet wiry. The way Lex rubbed it also made Clark giggle. Which only made Lex rub Clark's leg even more.

Clark laughs and pulls his leg away from Lex.

Lex smiles and decides to investigate another part of Clark's anatomy that has hair. He's gone over Clark's arms, and the hair under Clark's arms, which were both fascinating in their own way.

Lex's eyes fell on the dark little trail of hair that started at Clark's navel and led teasingly, to a dark triangle of curly hair. "Mind if I..."

"Hey, take a closer look," Clark breathed as he waited for Lex. And for what might come as Lex did so.

pr0n #355 (Hikaru/Akira, Hikaru no Go)

Fri, 09 Apr 2004 05:33:44 GMT

pr0n, when a thank you note doesn't seem appropriate. For wyomingnot, who requested, "AU, dude... spring break in florida... and one of them is out on the pool deck with a laptop playing go online"

Hikaru shielded his eyes from the sun as he stepped out from the room. The heat was sweltering, and the pool sounded like a great place to be. But it wouldn't be any fun without his partner in crime.

He continued on his way to the pool, scanning faces as he went. The grounds of the hotel were a mass of humanity, shirtless guys everywhere, women wearing so little that they might as well have been shirtless. But no sign of Akira.

Hikaru squeezed his way through the masses and found a spot on the edge of the pool to sit on. He dangled his feet in the water, and looked around the pool area for a certain face. It was his voice that led Hikaru to Akira, though. Even through all the voices and music and splashing, Hikaru easily heard Akira say, "NO, not that!"

Hikaru hopped up from his seat and wandered over to one of the tables with umbrellas. Which is where Akira sat, his Powerbook lovingly protected against the elements, wireless connection running. Akira rubbed his chin as he studied his opponent's next move.

"Hey," said Hikaru as he strolled up to the table.

"Hikaru?" Akira blinked as he looked up at his roommate. "What time is--?" Akira glanced at the clock on his monitor. "Yikes!"

"Yeah, you're getting a little red there..."

Akira's laptop made a "Wah-wah-wah..." sound and he frowned. "I lost! I never lose! Oooooh, I'm gonna beat that Fuji guy when I get him to agree to a rematch!"

"Sure you are," Hikaru said as he gingerly touched Akira's shoulder. "A rematch that'll come after you get over this sunburn. C'mon, I've got some lotion back in the room."

Akira reluctantly closed his laptop and got to his feet. "I thought you were going to remind me about the sunscreen," he said pointedly as he followed Hikaru back to their room.

Hikaru shrugged. "By the time I got up, you were gone. You're a big boy, I figure you should be able to remember something simple like that."

Akira pouted at Hikaru. "I wouldn't have been able to get to the hard to reach spots without your help..."

"I'll make sure I include those when I rub the lotion in."

pr0n #354 (Robin/Nightwing, DC Comics)

Thu, 08 Apr 2004 04:07:51 GMT

saone77 and workingslacker double-teamed me and well, I couldn't resist...

Dick told him to stay behind and just watch. Tim agreed reluctantly.

He crouches on the edge of the roof and watches, with binocluars raised, as Nightwing springs into action and takes out a gang of thugs.

Tim already knows that Dick is poetry in motion when he chooses to be, but he's never seen Dick this agressive before. Dick is almost animalistic in his motions, his punches and kicks lacking the usual balletic grace as he does battle.

Tim likes this side of Dick, this... aggressiveness. Tim thinks that Dick needs to show this side more often, and decides that the next time they spar, he's going to ask Dick to be more aggressive with him.

A little part of Tim wonders, as he lowers the binoculars, if Dick is also aggressive in bed.