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Aug. 28th, 2008 @ 06:54 pm
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How the fuck is it that my two best friends of all-time (a.) are twenty eight and twenty six, (b.) live six and a half hours away, (c.) still call me "darlin'", (d.) still say "intoxicated", (e.) still apologize for their language, and (f.) still drive down here every other weekend?
I have some free time this weekend, I plan on going through my friends' lists. Reading, commenting, updating, and getting to know my new ones. For those that want to still read mine (and want me to read theirs, starting this weekend. [shit, again, I apologize for my slacking, I have made a resolution that I will certainly stick to]), please let me know, here. I know it's asking a whole buncha lot, but if you could also just let me know maybe where I know you from, remind me of some of the gnarly conversations we've shared, and also just tell me why you're awesome for being so patient, shit, that'd mean so very much, and I'd be forever in your debt. For those that would rather me unfriend them, or those that would rather unfriend me, or those that are on edge (or unsure), let me know that, too, and I will do my best to help you out, as well.
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what is unique?
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Aug. 25th, 2008 @ 10:18 pm
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So, mrbub, your LiveJournal reveals...
You are... 0% unique and 31% herdlike (partly because you, like everyone else, enjoy writing). When it comes to friends you are lonely. In terms of the way you relate to people, you are keen to please. Your writing style (based on a recent public entry) is intellectual.
Your overall weirdness is: 30(The average level of weirdness is: 28.
You are weirder than 67% of other LJers.)
Find out what your weirdness level is! |
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Dear Doppelgänger,
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Aug. 23rd, 2008 @ 03:45 pm
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Dear Doppelgänger,
So, it sounds like you're in town? Because people keep telling me they saw me places where I wasn't. It's kind of funny, I guess, and I'm trying to be a good sport about it, but it's also kind of freaking my shit.
I'll confess I'm a little unclear on the doppelgänger parameters. Are you, like, punking me? Or are we on equal footing here? Exactly who is the doppel and who is the gänger? If we meet, will we explode?
Maybe I should back up and say congrats on the weight loss. I first heard about you back in college, when friends started saying, "Yo! There's this chick who looks exactly like you if you gained 60 pounds." I never saw you myself, but (as you know?) you were pretty omnipresent for a couple years. My friends made frequent eyewitness reports, like, "I saw the Fat April again today, going into the english hall." Or, "The Fat April looked sort of sad in the cafeteria this morning. I wonder if she's OK."
Anyway, it sounds like you've dropped some pounds, since the people who've seen you over the last month haven't noted our contrasting weights. I'd high-five you if we were ever in the same place at the same time (presuming the space-time continuum remained intact). But the fact is, people haven't mentioned any differences at all, because they're convinced you're me.
Take the woman in my pottery class who asked me, "So, what were you doing down at the courthouse last week?" When I told her I wasn't at the courthouse, she said, "Yes you were. Remember? We waved at each other." At which point I had to insist I wasn't at the courthouse, and I wasn't, but it made me look kind of crazy and criminal, you know?
Then there's that chick I had a date with several years ago—the night that ended in all the unpleasantness about the bill. She was inspired to get back in touch after "seeing me" at a gallery opening a couple weekends ago. When I insisted I hadn't been to any openings recently, she reminded me of the artist's name and gallery location. When I maintained I hadn't been in attendance, she seemed to think I was lying to get rid of him (again).
And what about the former colleague who e-mailed to say it was great to "catch up" on the Metro bus that day? What gives? You held a commute-long chat without tipping your doppel hand? (Also: Was he as cute as I remember? Were you wearing a good outfit?)
I'm not sure what my rights are vis-à-vis the doppelgänger contract, but in the interest of maintaining my (our?) reputation, I wonder if we could establish some ground rules. By all accounts, you're being friendly, which I appreciate. But let's not get too friendly, if you know what I mean. Best to leave those sorts of misunderstandings to the situation comedies. Also, please refrain from declaring things "retarded." I really hate that. And no trucker hats, either, OK?
Yours,
Me |
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Letter to the dude wearing a "It ain't gonna suck itself" T-shirt
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Aug. 23rd, 2008 @ 03:38 pm
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Dear Sir,
My guess is that the message on your T-shirt functions in several ways. First, as a bold and plain statement that you are confident about your desires, confident enough to have them spelled right out across your chest (nice chest, by the way). Second, it implies that you are a man of action, perhaps a little impatient, but a man able to state exactly what he wants. I think that's a great quality. Very admirable. No dilly-dallying with you. Third, it is possible that the T-shirt is a protest against the design of the human body, a comment about the limitations of our physical being. Did you know, for example, that if we had one set of ribs less we would all be able to bend over and do the job for ourselves? I like to be reminded of that, and I love the idea that if it were somehow useful for survival, and presupposing that Darwin got most of his shit right, we might someday evolve to where we all have penises that could actually suck themselves. Wow.
On its own, your T-shirt hints at a fairly crappy sense of humor, unless, of course, you are wearing the message for a reason. You could be promoting health and safety in some way. Perhaps you are an aid worker from Borneo or Australia, where it would be important to know that a bite from a poisonous snake or insect isn't going to suck itself but is going to require immediate medical attention. In which case I'd have the information in at least one other language. It's also incomplete, and might inspire the wrong response. I think you will find that most doctors do not recommend that venom be sucked out of a bite but, rather, advise that a tourniquet be tightly tied above the bite or wound—in which case the text should read "It Isn't Going to Suck Itself and Neither Should You!" I would also suggest a diagram of a little snake or something, just to make it perfectly clear.
Alternatively, it is possible that you are a sex therapist who works with people who are so anatomically naive and sexually inexperienced that they don't actually know that a penis can't suck itself. Hell, for the longest time I believed that women shat out babies, that babies came out of their asses! I really did! However, as an adult, I take it for granted that my sexual partners will have a better understanding of these kinds of things, but it's good to be reminded that we shouldn't always make such assumptions. In which case printing it on a T-shirt is a very, very good idea, and saves on unnecessary explanations and conversation—provided our prospective sexual partners can read.
To close, a small complaint. After you got off the Metro, the other passengers had to sit between stations listening to a small child ask his father, "What can't suck itself, Dad? Dad? What can't suck?"
Sincerly,
The Disgusted by your skeeziness |
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Aug. 23rd, 2008 @ 01:37 pm
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Glacier Park ...
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Aug. 19th, 2008 @ 01:35 pm
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Some views from my hotel room two days ago ...
( Two more ) |
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Aug. 20th, 2008 @ 10:37 am
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http://www.flupatrol.com/2006/12/13/debate-over-zicam-does-risk-outweigh-the-benefits/
WTF. That's scary. My co worker was encouraging me to try this stuff out. I wanted to read up on it and it's kind of worrysome that they've been sued because people have permanently lost their smell. |
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Angel
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Aug. 20th, 2008 @ 09:04 am
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Angel's first portrait
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Aug. 20th, 2008 @ 09:03 am
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Prepare for cuteness overload
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Aug. 20th, 2008 @ 09:02 am
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