Cameron: Dr. House. I just wanted to –
House: You’re welcome, again.
Cameron: I want you to know how much I –
House: Got it. You’re grateful. Apparently you seem to think it’ll mean a lot to me to know that.
Cameron: Do you know why people believe in God?
House: I thought you didn’t believe in God.
Cameron: I don’t.
House: Well, then you better be making a very good point.
Cameron: Do you think they pray to Him and praise Him because they want Him to know how great He is? God already knows that.
House: Are you comparing me to God? I mean, that’s great, but just so you know, I’ve never made a tree.
Cameron: (smiling) I thank you because it means something to me. To be grateful for what I receive.
House: You are the most naïve atheist I’ve ever met.

1x17 Role Model

Cuddy: You’re not doing a brain biopsy based on a spot on an MRI.
House: Where’d you get that?
Cuddy: Not on an United States Senator.
House: Oh, just so I’m clear, if he was a janitor, that would be okay. Do you have a list?
Cuddy: A brain biopsy can cause permanent neurological damage.
House: Uh huh, whereas tumors are really good for brains, make ‘em grow big and strong.

1x17 Role Model

(Cut to Cameron and Chase in the Diagnostic offices. Chase is playing with House’s giant fuzzy ball, and Cameron is looking online at a press release.)
Cameron: “Eastbrook Pharmaceuticals are pleased to announce that Dr. Gregory House will present the latest research on their exciting new ACE inhibitor.”
Chase: You’re making that up. That’s Vogler’s company.
Cameron: Press release. Doing an address at the North American Cardiology Conference. (Chase looks at the screen from behind Cameron.)
Chase: House never gives speeches. (House enters)
House: But when I really believe in something… Gosh dang it, I’ve got a chance to make a difference here.

1x17 Role Model

Foreman: The LP showed no sign of infection and the MRI was fairly clean.
House: I guess we can tell him he’s fairly healthy and can go home.
Foreman: Well, there is something in Broca’s area, but it’s small, low intensity.
Chase: Most likely just background noise.
House: Care to bet your job on that? (Chase makes a face at House) What was that?
Chase: What was what?
House: You got annoyed. That was clearly an annoyed face.
Chase: I get annoyed by glib remarks about our futures.
House: But last week you didn’t get annoyed, you made poopie in your pants. It’s weird, it’s almost like now you know you have nothing to worry about.

1x17 Role Model

okay, i have a few.

House: You know nuns. What do you think?
Chase: I don't know nuns.
House: You hate nuns. Can't hate someone if you don't know them.
Chase: Know any Nazis? Maybe I hate them on principle.

House: What do you know about the nun?
Chase: Which one?
House: The cute one. I think she likes me. The sick one, obviously.

Season 1, Damned If You Do

Chase: CVID? That's a type of immunoglobulin defiency. I said that!
House: Yeah, but it was a stupid idea when you said it.

Cuddy: A brain biopsy could cause permanent neurological damage!
House: Uh huh, whereas tumors are really good for brains. Make'em grow big and strong.

Season 1, Role Model

Foreman: You assaulted that man!
House: Fine, I'll never do it again.
Foreman: Yes, you will.
House: All the more reason this debate is pointless.

Season 1, DNR [is that what the episode is called? i'm not sure]

House: I have been on a date.
Wilson: Uh, not since disco died.

Season 1, Love Hurts