( FETUS. )

(Cut to House and Wilson in House's office playing a game involving tossing a coin over a chain-link of paperclips and into the other's cupped hands)

House: She's over-reacting.
Wilson: You snuck into her shrink's office and read her private file. When Nixon did that, he got impeached.
House: So you're saying I'm not allowed to have oral sex with an intern either?
Wilson: (scores a coin in House's hands) Yes! And yes.

2x08 The Mistake

Cameron: Why did she have a clean room in her home?
House: Heart transplant. The immune system's in the toilet, mommy builds her little angel a John Travolta quality bubble.
Foreman: Six months after the transplant, she doesn't need to be confined to a clean room.
House: Six months without putting out, Dr Cuddy doesn't NEED to wear thong panties, but it's not our call.

2x16 Safe

House: You vegetarian?
Anica: No, why?
House: Because you might have something called Cushing’s syndrome, which basically means that –
Anica: My pituitary is overproducing ACTH which is causing my adrenal glands to push too much cortisol into my bloodstream.
House: What a coincidence. I’m a doctor, too.

2x09 Deception

Patient: I love cows.
House: (Puzzled, pops a vicodin) Any particular variety? Corrientes? Holstein?
Patient: Which are the black and white ones?
House: Oh god.
Patient: I pass a farm on my way to school. And they're so beautiful. They're so majestic I dream about them. Leather shoes, hamburgers. How can anybody do that to a cow?
House: Make love, not belts. Beautiful.

2x14 Sex Kills

House: The good news is he won’t be bitching about losing his hand if he can’t breathe.
Cuddy: The trauma from the fall could cause actuate respiratory distress syndrome.
House: Right, I forgot. Your roof.
Cuddy: It would cause lung infiltrates and maybe fever and conceivably the cyanotic fingers.
House: The only question is why? (House shakes out a Vicodin and takes it.)
Cameron: Why what?
House: Why her weird psychopathology requires a diagnosis formed entirely by personal guilt. Let’s assume we’ve been wrong up until now. Let’s assume, just for one second, that the earth doesn’t revolve around Cuddy’s roof. What if he was sick before he had his run-in with gravity? He just didn’t notice anything.
Foreman: Well, pneumonia can cause DIC, which can cause cyanotic fingers.
Chase: Pneumonia doesn’t hit that fast.
House: Sure, only pavement hits that fast.

2x03 Humpty Dumpty

Cameron: We've got rectal bleeding.
House: What, all of you?

2x18 Sleeping Dogs Lie

Cameron: He’s an immunologist and a TB expert.
House: That’ll be very useful if we need somebody to say the words, “I think it’s TB.” (He sniffs.) What is that?
Sebastian: Oh that. I’m sorry, that’s my body powder. It’s the only thing I’ve found that works in the Sahara. I, I’m kinda used to it, I don’t even notice it.
House: Who thinks it smells like an elephant dung smoothie?
Cameron: It smells okay to me. (Sebastian laughs.)
House: That is exactly why the patient shouldn’t be in the room. If you can’t tell a man that his cologne makes you want to puke, how are you going to tell him that he’s an idiot?
Cameron: He’s not an idiot.
House: Sure, you say that now, while he’s in the room.

2x04 TB or Not TB

Luke: You drugged her.
House: Actually, I didn’t. I’ve taken her off all medications.
Luke: Your guy, Foreman, gave her Haldol.
House: We needed blood for some tests. I assume that was the only way to get it.
Luke: He knocked her out.
House: Look – I have a cane, and I know how to use it.
Luke: I hired you. You work for me.
House: OK, can I go now? Boss?

1x06 The Socratic Method

Cuddy: And you’re the only one who put this together because…?
House: Because I’m the only one who looked at both kids. I want them isolated; I want the maternity ward shut down.
Cuddy: Because you’re better at reading an x-ray than a radiologist.
House: Radiologists always over-read babies’ x-rays, especially if they’re asked to rule out a pathology. He read into it what he wanted.
Cuddy: Which is exactly what you’re doing. You’re finding a cluster because you think it’s interesting to find a cluster. Two… plain old sick babies would bore you.
House: See, this is why I don’t waste money on shrinks, ‘cause you give me all these really great insights for free.

1x04 Maternity