can i help you with something?

customerssuck @ 2008-07-26T19:07:00

2008-07-26T18:27:08Z

On the subject of returns policies,

the one at my shop makes me want to scream. We're a nationwide - international, in fact - franchise that's been running since the early 20th century, so our company policy obviously would never break any laws because it would never have been able to get away with it. But customers still come in and get irate and challenge us. One of the things I hate the most about people in general is a disproportionate sense of entitlement.

Basically, if you've got the receipt and the item is unopened, we'll exchange it or put it on a gift card within 28 days. We only give refunds if an item is faulty. And by law, that's ok. But 5 times out of 10 you'll explain that to somebody and they'll get very angry and say: 'It's the law, you have to give me a refund if I have my receipt.' And I'll call my supervisor and he'll say: 'No, that's not the law.' But they insist. And every single time, my boss/supervisor/department head will just give them the refund because it's not worth the hassle (of course, adding the phrase 'We'll do it just this once...'). If had the authority to give refunds I'd probably just refuse flat-out and give them the customer services number s they can take their issues up with them.

I mean, it's the way it is because we sell CDs and DVDs which nowadays can be ripped and copied in 30 seconds flat. But that doesn't stop it sucking.

Also, It happened again. Some kid bought a £3.99 poster and paid for it all in 10p pieces. He handed them to me and says confidently: 'Don't worry, I've counted it all already.'

Me: 'Uh... thanks, but I'll have to count it myself, obviously.'

Kid: 'Oh.' It turned out to be the right change, but it just frustrated me so bad. And I kept dropping the coins.

Finally,

sticker-swappers. One of the worst parts of any retail job. We have a very popular offer, 2 CDs for £10. On the CDs in the offer, they'll have a '2 for £10' sticker on the front, and a special campaign barcode sticker on the back (that way we don't have to take off the discount manually, the till does it for us). The thieves don't realise this though. So they'll take the '2 for £10' sticker off one CD and put in on an £11.99 CD, leaving the original price sticker also on the front.

The other day a girl did it to a CD that she'd come up and ASKED MY SUPERVISOR FOR. He had actually JUST HANDED IT TO HER. Then she'd swapped the stickers and tried to pay for it. Even if I was stupid not to realise which CDs have just been released (who do you think arranges the chart wall?! Stickers the stock?! Pixies?!) and which are in the offer (after arranging countless 2 for £10 displays) and to scan it in, you retard, it's still going to come up as £17.99 on the till and not £10, because the fucking barcode isn't in the campaign. Morons.

And it's obvious when you're about to steal something, because who the hell picks up two copies of Step Up 2 and the Step Up boxset for themselves?

Phew, end rant.

Maybe if I ask just one more time...

2008-07-26T17:16:34Z

A guy came up to my counter with a receipt that showed he'd payed for a computer that would arrive at the store the 25th. This was the 24th.

Him - I know this says my computer will be here tomorrow, but could you please check if it might have arrived early?

Me - We do not get any deliveries on Thursdays, but I'll check for you. *clicketyclack* No, I'm sorry, it's not in the store yet. But hey, I'll tell you what you should do; call this number *points out the number to customer service on his reciept* tomorrow, and they'll tell you if it's arrived yet. Then if the delivery truck is late, you won't have to make an extra unnecessary trip.

Him (looking sorta sheepish) - Yeah... I called them twice today and they said you didn't have it here yet, but I thought I'd go check anyway just in case...

I couldn't help but feel a little sorry for the poor thing. Maybe his WoW-guild had a scheduled event Thursday night or something. He got his computer the next day though. But to call twice on the same day and then go visit anyway... He must have been a strong believer of the Mythical Back Room.

ahhhh!!!

2008-07-26T13:33:06Z

huge pet peeve:

when you are in a store, and a cashier's register light isn't on, STOP COMING IN THE LINE!!

at my store, sometimes i'm the 'front coordinator', which means i watch the cashiers/baggers, get them change, and if we are busy, get on a register to help a few people.

somehow, it always seems that twenty minutes after i turn my light off, people are still pouring into my line, while the cashiers whose lights ARE on are just standing there at the front of their registers.

uggggh.

then, i always get some huge order, and after that person puts their shit up, says, "oops, are you closed?!"
yep, but it doesn't matter now. let me ring up your huge order while two people are out of change and another one needs a password.

ALSO,
just bc our return policy isn't written on our receipt doesn't mean you get to sue the store for misinformation. that's not how it goes. be happy you're getting store credit for 17 bucks worth of 'bad' meat anyway. and i highly doubt that walmart gives you cash refunds for everything you bring in, no questions asked. if someone here works at walmart, please make my day and tell me that's not your return policy.

:)

What made my night

2008-07-26T13:12:58Z

So anyway I work third shift at a convenience store and I get all kinds but tonight I lmao at what this guy had printed on his shirt. Makes sense to me.

It's a wonderful day
Now watch some
Bitch fuck it up.

The most confusing lady ever and Drunky McGee

2008-07-26T05:26:18Z

Today was pretty hectic, but there were two incredibly annoying, obnoxious people for to-go orders. I served today, so I wasn't supposed to take care of the register, but the cashiers got busy so I lent a hand.

This first lady ordered a combination pizza, half with onions and the other half with olives. I say her order back and she goes "No, there's supposed to be olives on all of it" and motions her hand in circles around the pizza. "Oh? So just half with onions? Okay, let me go get it fixed." I bring it back, they fix it. No problem. I bring it back out, "NO! I said I wanted just HALF with olives! He won't eat olives!"

Me (in my head) "Lady, you just told me olives on all of it."

So I bring it back and they fix it again. She opens it, "Well, all the olives were supposed to be on this half but oh well. That's fine I guess." She takes the pizza and leaves.

WHEN the HELL does olives on all the pizza mean on just half? When you order a pizza half and half, it doesn't mean we're going to give you all the toppings that are supposed to be on the other half. Plus, you didn't get charged for an extra topping on those oh-so precious onions so shut up and be happy. Learn to articulate your orders and make it clear what you want when there's a mistake. I said, "OLIVES ON THE WHOLE PIZZA" about 5 times before I took it back and you acknowledged. JSbfhjdfhjdd

Come on people, clean out your ears. You could make a candle with all that wax that's been sitting in there.

The second guy just looked like he wanted to start a fight. He smelled like he just came from the bar up the street, stale cigarettes and alcohol. Got really defensive and pissy before anyone could even help him.

I see him as I pop out from the back, and just as I do I see on of our waiters just passing by with his hands FULL of dirty plates informing him someone will be right with him.

I ask him if he's been helped (a simple 'yes' or 'no' would have sufficed), and he says (making a face in the process) "...well no. But that guy said someone would be with me in a moment and I'm just standing here." I get his order and he starts going off about how the lady who took the phone call had a hard time understanding him (she's Italian and has trouble with English sometimes) and I explained the situation to him. THEN he goes back on to the subject that he had to wait 5 seconds while someone told him we'd be right with him. He bitches about how if the guy had enough time to tell him someone will be with him, HE should be helping him. Um...okay buddy. He has his hands full and he's helping customers who were here before you.

He starts saying, "Is he the manager?" and complaining to anyone who will listen about how he should have been helped the second someone saw him. Seriously dude, it's been hardly a minute since you walked in. Preaching about how if he managed a place, that wouldn't happen. Obviously, douche, you haven't even worked in a restaurant because sometimes you're busy and can't help everyone the second they walk in. It's not like you weren't helped RIGHT AFTER the server said it anyway. I guess 15 seconds is just too long for some people. He relays some stupid story about how he's been coming here since he was little and making it sound like we should be bending over backwards for him because of it. I've been working here for the past 3 years pal, and the server you're bitching about has been there for over 15 years and guess what? Neither of us have seen you before.

And here's the best part; after all that huffing and puffing and obviously wanting to get into some stupid argument, he just goes "I'm not mad but..."

THEN SHUT IT! You have nothing to complain about and your observation powers are less than handy, otherwise you'd see our server was incapable of helping you.

Excuse me...

2008-07-26T00:04:28Z

Hi! First actual post here.

I work in a DVD/CD store in the UK and I actually really enjoy my work. I'm sure once I'm older I'll get disillusioned, but for the time being I do like it. But you'll get the odd customer that makes you want to rip your hair out.

We have to wear a uniform, so when I'm around the store, I'll be wearing a black T-shirt with a massive bright pink logo saying 'HMV' on the back and the front. Normally I'll have a large pile of films or albums in my arms because I'll be putting stock out. So everytime I hear the question 'Excuse me, do you work here?' I lose a little more faith in the human race. 'No, I just think the T-shirt is stylish. These are my CDs actually.'

This happened within my earshot, which was a little strange:

Customer: Hi, can I have a ticket to [local festival]
My boss: Sure, how many did you want?
Customer: 18.
My boss: *raises eyebrows* You want 18 tickets? [they're £45 each]
Customer: Yeah.
My boss: *goes upstairs, comes back with 18 tickets* *about to put them through the till* So it was 18 tickets you wanted then?
Customer: What? No, I want one. Sorry, I thought you asked how old I was.

The mind boggles, sometimes.

customerssuck @ 2008-07-25T14:37:00

2008-07-25T21:40:44Z

I work at a home goods supply store (not like a Home Depot/Lowes, but more like a JC Penney Home Store/Bed Bath & Beyond/Home Goods/whathaveyou), I just got the job recently.

We have gift registries (like for weddings and stuff?). We are supposed to ask each customer that comes through our line "Are any of your items on a gift registry today?"/"Is this on a gift registry today?"

I'm getting really REALLY tired of people not paying attention to me, though I speak loud and clearly... and asking every time, "What!?" I repeat myself, and halfway through the question, before I even get to "gift registry," they snottly reply at me "NO!"

Well fuck, asshole, listen better the first time, and kindly remove the stick from your rectum. SRSLY.

Dear Work

2008-07-25T11:10:20Z

To my current job ......

Um, would you Kindly mind ...Taking your no brained , no clue , half baked , dim witted , narrow minded , mentally inept, socially retarded, verbally challenged, aggravatingly, frustratingly mind numbingly STUPID customers and fucking off please??

Thank you!

me

customerssuck @ 2008-07-24T23:04:00

2008-07-25T05:19:59Z

Walmart cashier pet peeve no. 1:

Please to be helping me put your groceries from the bagging carousel into your basket when the carousel is full and I've still got more groceries (or whatever) to ring up. Seriously, I know it's part of my job, but you are fully capable of helping me out while you're sitting there waiting to be checked out.

Walmart cashier pet peeve no. 2:

PUT DIVIDERS IN FRONT OF YOUR SHIT TO SEPARATE YOUR SHIT FROM THE PEOPLE IN FRONT OF YOU. My belt is either OFF or on AUTO, and if I'm not paying attention (i.e., bagging the previous person's groceries) it is VERY EASY TO MISS large gaps between customers. "Well I spaced it out.." Augh.

Walmart cashier pet peeve no. 3:

Do not come up to my empty register and say "OH YOU LOOK BORED". Yes I am bored off my ass. No, serving you, my faithful customer, will not make me any less bored. Shut up.

Walmart cashier pet peeve no. 4:

I hate hate HATE when people insist on putting 49230583098-packs of water or coke or iced tea or dog food or cat litter or garden soil on my belt. I HAVE A HAND SCANNER FOR A REASON. Neither you or I need to be lifting these things any more than is absolutely necessary. I have back issues and my foot still fucking hurts from crushing it with my roommate's moped. It will not kill you to leave it in the cart like I ASKED and having me go around with the hand scanner.

Share your retail/cashiering pet peeves -- GO.

Wall-O-Text

2008-07-24T23:50:18Z

It drives me insane. The wall-o-text that some people related to work tend to write in. I get it in emails that are already a confusing garble, I get it from people who apparently have a lazy [enter/return] pinkie. I endure. I persevere. At the very worst, I tell people to put it in a format I can read.

But I hate writing programs to parse it.

I work in EDI - electronic data interchange. My job is to take data written in one standard and convert it to another standard. It is similar to language translation. English-speakers call something a ball, the French-speakers call it a boule. Sometimes, the choice depends on context, so there is logic involved. It's more complex than that, but it's enough to understand why this sucks. The end result of the combined logic and translation is called a map or a mapping (from one source file to a destination file).

The client I worked with today sends a lot of data in a non-standard way. In these standards, there are fairly exact places to find certain pieces of data. This client puts a lot of stuff in odd places. That is usually easy to handle. I've done all their work, but they didn't give me the specification for their invoice data which will be the input I need to parse.

One of their entries is a wall-o-text. This wall-o-text shows all of the applicable charges on a particular cargo move: Basic Ocean Freight - 1590 Fuel surcharge - 250 Discount - -135 ... It goes on for several lines, and is broken apart into separate lines at a specific width. It is TYPED BY HAND that way.

This type of data has a perfect place in any standard EDI with each charge in it's own segment. Why they send it this way is impossible to fathom, and all I got when I asked why it was done this way: "It's always been like that."

I almost said "That's a very stupid reason to keep doing something," but I held my tongue. Instead I asked if there was any logic to the wall. That got a positive response and while it was tedious to program, it wasn't hard to grasp and fairly simple. Basically there's a description, then a space, then a hyphen, a space, and then the number. A space after the number tells you there is a following description.

Simple enough. I test the wall-of-text script. Perfect results. I put it in the map.

A few hours later, a telephone call: "It's wrong, it's wrong. What did YOU do?" Oh, not the right tone to take with me. "Let's look at the data."

Me: "What's this?" (Basic Ocean Freight - 12OOO)
Her: "It's $12,000"
Me: "No, it's 12 followed by three capital Ohs. What's this?" Fuel surcharge - Fuel adjustment)
Her: "If it goes right back into text it means no charge."
Me: "When I asked about no-charges, I was assured I'd get a zero as the value. It's a validation tool."

Her: (she ignored me) "... Well what happened here? This is supposed to be a negative charge!" (Discount fees -123)
Me: "Negative charges have a negative sign, but the charge text and the value are supposed to be separated by a hyphen inside spaces. It should have read 'Discount - -123."
Her: "Can't you tell it's supposed to be negative since it's a discount?"
Me: "I'm not reading this, the server is. It does not spellcheck, and you may have spelled something wrong anyway. It's being read letter by letter and it breaks across lines."

Her: "Well, I think you're wrong about the 12OOO. She must have just typed 'o'. It's easy to hit o instead of zero."
Me: "Yes, it is, but these are capital Ohs. Your data clerk had to hold the shift key. She deliberately typed a capital Oh. Look it's bad data either way, and once the script hits one mistake, the rest get magnified. I can't do anything except ask you to correct and resubmit."

Her: *wahwahwah* "We're paying you to do this." *wahwahwah*
Me: "No you're not. Once this map is written, it is all electronic. We don't look at it again except to evaluate against your format updates. Junk comes in and junk goes out, if it hasn't catastrophically failed first. You have the contract. You have to pay a lot more to do data-checks, and even if you did, your data has to be in a more standard format so we can actually tell you which SEPARATE lines have the errors."

Her: "We'll see about that!"
Me: "Like I said, you didn't select this choice in the contract, and I live and die by the contract (especially when you treat me snottily like this). While you were pointing out my supposed errors, your boss also emailed wondering why this data didn't fly. I sent her the examples showing the issues in the data. She said they are all data-entry errors and will talk to you to get it corrected and possibly change to a more standard setting so it can be computer-driven. Perhaps it won't be a problem anymore."
Her: "..."
Me: "Thanks for calling." *click* "my soon-out-of-a-job caller."

customerssuck @ 2008-07-23T14:17:00

2008-07-23T18:17:41Z

First post. Not hugely sucky by means of being rude, just sad. And stupid. So very stupid.

Background info:
I work at a large chain pet store. As you can imagine, I also own pets. The pet in question on this particular day was an oscar fish. I have three of these type of fish. Basic knowledge (which I think you should have if you're owning any pet) of this type of fish is that..well, they eat other fish. They're also messy and destructive.

So it's about 10am and the phone rings. It's a girl saying that she has a 9in oscar fish and she doesn't want it anymore, will the store take it back? I tell her the store doesn't accept fish back after 14 days but if she gave me some way to contact her, I'd think about taking the fish myself and give her a call. She puts her boyfriend on the phone.

SFM - Stupid fish man
Me - Meeeee!

SFM: *sounding still drunk for the previous night* I ain't givin' you my phone number.
Me: Okay..well, the store won't accept the fish back but bring it up anyway and I'll take it home.
SFM: Nahhh, I don't want to be bothered by all that. I'm just going to put it in the river.
Me: It's going to die if you put it in the river, it's a tropical fish.
SFM: I'm still going to put it in the river.
Me: Well, is there something wrong with the fish? Maybe I can help you.
SFM: There ain't nuffin' wrong wit it. I don't want it no more. It gets on my nerves.
Me: *o_0* How is the fish getting on your nerves?
SFM: I have to clean the tank all the time and it keeps messing it up. And it eats all my goldfish.
Me: Well, sir..that's what they do. I'd be happy to take the fish for you.
SFM: No, I'm going to put it in the river. *hangs up*

WTF? Why did you even call? WHY?! It's so sad. :(

Get your severed heads here!

2008-07-23T03:34:23Z

This is more of a lol, but I had to share!

I work on Mackinac Island, Michigan, a popular tourist destination that is famously without cars. I never knew how much horses pooped until now. I never wish to deal with shit, other than my own on such a regular basis, ever again.

My friend works at one of those specialty food/wine stores that sells Michigan products. She gets a shipment of chocolate in, and because it is so hot, it comes in medium-sized coolers, about one square foot overall. She calls me and asks me if I'd like a cooler, since they came with free ice packs and my roommate and I often carry groceries on the ferry and our ice cream melts during a 30-minute boat ride. I'm like "Sure, I'll pick it up from you on my way back from the grocery store."

I meet her at the store, with some frozen dinners I picked up along the way, and take the cooler and ice packs from behind the counter. As I'm walking away, one of her customers is standing outside and asks me, "Is there a human head in that cooler?"

I'm like, "Uh, no. Just some frozen dinners."

He looked really disappointed.

I laughed for a good ten minutes after I walked away. Human heads: the new Michigan product!

customerssuck @ 2008-07-22T21:16:00

2008-07-23T01:17:17Z

so, I work at a grocery store, and we sell non-alcoholic beer, because this is PA and we only sell alcohol in state stores and whatnot. ANYWAY, I was ringing this older guy up, and he got non-alcoholic beer, and a thing on my register popped up asking for his birthdate, and once that thing pops up I can't do anything else until I enter a date. so I was like, I need your birthday. and he was like, HOW OLD DO I LOOK! and I was like, obviously older than 21 but I still need to ask, and he gave me his birthday and then the rest of the time he was bitching about he was old enough to buy beer because telling me the date you were born is such hard work. honestly.

Library suck/WTF

2008-07-23T00:31:21Z

I don't think I have posted in this community before, so hello everyone!

I am not currently working customer service (though will be again as soon as I finish school) but I've had many and varied customer service jobs in my life.

At one time I worked in a law library. My customers were lawyers and law students. It is important to note that the library did not have a security system; the lawyers and students could theoretically walk out with books without signing them out, though they weren't supposed to. The sign-out procedure was pretty simple: the lawyer was supposed to write his/her name and office phone number on the book's card and leave the card in a little holder on the counter.

Sometimes the lawyers did just that; they took books without signing them out. Then we had no idea who had the books, and if another lawyer requested the books, we couldn't track the books down.

One day I'm sorting through the returned library books when Law Student comes in and starts putting books on one of my book trucks. "Now you don't have to bend over to get them out of the book drop," he says. I told him, "Thanks, but I still have to put the cards in them. Books don't go on that book truck until I put their cards back in them."

"Oh, they have their cards in them," said Law Student. "I didn't sign them out."

I ask, "Why didn't you sign them out?"

Law Student says, "Because there was no staff here to sign them out for me."

My boss overhears this conversation and asks, "Law Student, did you just say that you took those books out of the library and didn't sign them out?"

Law Student repeats that there was no library staff around to sign them out for him (library was open until ten at night, but staff were only there until 4:30 in the afternoon.)

Boss says, "Law Student, taking books from the library without signing them out is stealing. Didn't you know that?"

Law Student looks very nervous at this point. "But there wasn't anyone here to sign them out for me! And I did bring them all back!"

Boss tells me to show Law Student how to sign out his books, and I do so. Hopefully he now knows how to sign out his library books.

I was reminded of this story when I happened to be watching a court case with my class, and the Law Student in this story was one of the lawyers in court.

Lets scream and yell at the CSR today!

2008-07-22T21:45:59Z

"cust called, yelling that he was supposed to get a refund, i checked account after VPPA, i told cust after checking the account, that he DID get his refund, cust says he JUST checked his bank tody and NO REFUND yet..i told him the refund was issued YESTERDAY and he needs to dispute the charge with his bank if they aren't on the banks end yet..he said we are taking money out of his account, cust continued to yell and scream...and i TRIED to explain to him how refunds work..but he wouldn't listen AT ALL or even let me explain it to him because he said "your explinations mean NOTHING" and he swore he would go to every redbox he knows and sit there just to tell 100+ customres never ever to use redbox again because we are cheating him and we take peoples money. i tried to explain to him that we did our part, we put through the refund yesterday so he needs to dispute that with his bank, and he said he said he should NEVER have gotten charged AT ALL. i thought i was explaining him the refund process but he had hung up"

That is straight from my notation. What made it suck was that he kept DEMANDING we do something, when we've already done our part, he said he went in the NEGATIVE..and it was our fault...no sir..it's not...you were issued a refund..and if yuo were smart, you know that refunds..no matter WHERE YOU GO...cannot be issued until there is a charge to base the refund off of....so it's YOUR responsibility to make sure you have FUNDS in your account...

and also suck..he kept yelling and screaming at me how his bank is going to charge him $180 in over draft fees, and i kept telling him to dispute that with his bank! We did our part! we issued the refund!

what made MORE suck was...when i thought i was explaining refund, he had hung up..i didn't realize this until i heard a phone ring...so i hit the mute button and disconnected my headset so i could hear nothing..i was too angry to deal with his shit.. after a while i plug back in my phone thinkig he was gone..but no..i heard voices..curious maybe he was calling back...or something....it was him..talking with his bank..about the charge..and pendings..

and he was JUST as mean to the bank lady as he was to me!! called her names ..and she said "there is nothing at all we can do while it is pending" and he kept screaming at her about how SOMEONE better be able to do something!

so, curiosity kills me...and i read the records on his account, he has called 16 times..out of 97 rentals..thats 16%...and every time they record how nasty he is and how he curses and screams and yells....he has even made threats to redbox, threatened to sue, to dump paint on the redbox, he states he is on meds for his lukemia...he is a whack nut.

so..i was so livid that i had to put my phone status on "away from desk" for 5 minutes so i could calm down...i wasn't able to take a call...was it right of me to do? i think so...if my supervisors have issues, i will just tell them the truth..the guy was nasty and irrate and i needed to take a breather to collect myself...

x-posted to callcenter and customerssuck

customerssuck @ 2008-07-22T14:39:00

2008-07-22T19:06:43Z

Oy... I had a lady come into my store with a rain check today for Vanilla Coke. We wrote it for four at the sale price, which was under ten bucks before tax. She decides to say that there was also a part where you get a fifth one for free. Now, even though this was a month ago, I remembered that we didn't have a sale on Coke like THAT during that time period. But to keep her pacified, I called our grocery manager who told me to go ahead and give it to her, despite the fact that it was expired (it had only been so for a day, which I would have happily let her get away with). I'm the one who filled out her rain check (we have to write our names on them). I would have written in an important detail like that. Anyway, she could only find two of her five 12 packs of Vanilla Coke and she's all pissed off and getting on my case about it. Grocery manager says that he doesn't have any in stock right now, and that I could just divide the total for the two she did have. So I did. And I start to scan the rest of her order, when...

Crazy Old Lady: OH! I forgot my wallet!
Me: O_O()
COL to her husband: Do you have any money? (he tells her he just spent his on cigarettes) I'm sorry, honey! I usually keep my wallet right here (points at her cleavage)! I guess I left it at home!
Me: >_< That's fine, ma'am. Here's your rain check back.
COL: I'm so sorry! I'm SO embarrassed!
Me: Have a nice day!

So, in short, she tries to scam us, tries to say that I'M the one who screwed up her rain check when it wasn't even Buy Four Get One Free, tried to use an expired rain check (a minor thing, but still...), forgets her wallet, and then proceeds to tell me how she keeps her money in her cleavage, which was really something I needed to know about a late forty to fifty year old woman.

Another suck involved a man coming into buy meat. It was like two packs of chicken breasts and a pack of pork chops. Shortest order I'd had all morning. He asks me if we take starter checks. I check with a fellow cashier, who tells me we do. So he fills out the check and hands it to me with his ID. I notice something right away about the check. The paper is thicker than a normal check, which I assume is because of it being a starter check, but then I notice there isn't a lock on the check.

To those who don't work with checks, or have never written them, there is a small lock symbol on the right hand side of the check, usually next to the total box. This symbol states that this is not a fake check. On the back there are usually water marks also, which weren't there. This sets off all kinds of alarms, so I ask my manager to come verify it, saying that because it's a starter check we need it. She comes down and looks at it, tells him he can't use it and he leaves without incident. Thankfully, he wasn't a jerk about it.

Now I have a box of starter checks from when I opened my bank account and they have all of the watermarks and symbols on it. So I'm assuming he was trying to rip us off. If I'm wrong, please let me know. If I'm not, there's something funny about it. The address on his FAKE check matched the one on his REAL ID (unless he went to a lot of trouble to rip us off, and used an ID with an alias on it). So we would have been able to tell the cops exactly WHERE to pick him up. -_-() Some people...

Sexuality and Flowers....

2008-07-21T22:50:27Z

Dear Customers:

The gay florist joke has gotten older than a piece of stale bread. (And it can't be fed to pigeons..) Please ignore my blank stare when you say it for the 30th time.

Yes, my co-worker gets to smirk at it, because she knows I love the vajay. Yes, my summer fling gets to laugh, because - hey, have nekkid wrestling together.

No, you get a wane smile and your bouquet of flowers thrust at you.

No Love,
Your Spiky Purple Haired Floral Employee

PS - I don't care where your wife's tongue has been - stop trying to pick me up for a threesome...

customerssuck @ 2008-07-21T15:25:00

2008-07-21T22:37:04Z

For anyone who may not know, Starbucks has effectively taken the lives of anyone who works at a coffee shop and made them just a little more miserable. I don't really mind people ordering a frappuccino instead of a "javakula" (our term for a blended drink) because I know what they mean. But the thing with the cup sizes poses a problem. People look at me like I'm wasting their time when they order a "tall" and I make them translate what they want into "small, medium or large". I could assume they mean a small if they usually get coffee at Starbucks, but there's another fairly big local coffee shop chain here in Tucson that I used to work at and "tall" means large there (which actually makes a little more sense in my book). Sorry, I'm not going to assume you want a small when you really want a large, or vice versa, and get bitched at once the drink comes out. The worst was when this guy came up and ordered a "grande" and I asked him "Do you mean the medium size?", since that's the Starbucks term. He looked at me and said, "No, grande means large. You work at a bookstore, shouldn't you be smart enough to know these things?" I think I just forced a laugh, like "Oh yeah, stupid me", cause I work for a big corporation and I can't really react any other way when people are treating me like garbage just because I work behind a counter and wear an apron. Sigh.

Dear old people...

2008-07-21T11:01:48Z

Dear old people,
The world is not made especially for you. You cannot change the rules of the shop or make our lives more difficult just because we're younger than you and you want to.

Don't get me wrong, most older people are great, they're chatty, helpful, even if some of them are a bit slow, and generally nice all round. However last week, we got some right annoying ones.

I was working at the first till (there are three in a row, with an aisle so that people can go down to the next till), and this older guy comes over with bird food (don't get me started on that stuff). I start serving him and this woman with a double buggy is called to the till down the bottom, therefore having to go all the way down the aisle. Older guy is standing in the middle of the aisle, so politely I say "can you watch your back please, there's a woman with a pram trying to get past you." Most people are fine with this, apologise to the person with the pram and move in. This one stares at me for a moment and then says "well what do you want me to do about it?" Well move for a start! It'd serve him right if the buggy clipped his ankles.

Then there was the old ladies who didn't listen to what we said. Part of the aisle was closed off so that we could clean up a huge spill of milkshake. It was only a tiny section, and they could go round if they desperately needed something in that aisle. But nope, they walked right through it, trailing the milkshake with them and making our jobs a lot harder (cos we'd need to clear even more of the aisle).

Last year (around Christmas time), I had to listen to a guy rant about why we shouldn't let prams into the shop and that if he broke his ankle tripping over a pram he would sue us blah blah blah. I mean wtf? What was he suggesting, that all kids should be carried in the shop, or that they should be left outside? Sadly I couldn't argue with him, but if I could, I would have.

Call 411

2008-07-21T00:46:21Z

I just got a call from a customer. I use the term customer loosely.
He explains that he is looking for the phone number to some business in Italy and has no internet access. I told him he can go into any Fedex Kinko's location and use a rental computer. He asked me to look it up for him.
wtf? I am not google nor am I 411. I did it anyway, cause I am nice like that but seriously, wtf? You can even call/text google now. No need for internet! Thinking on it now, I should have told him that.

customerssuck @ 2008-07-20T17:18:00

2008-07-20T21:29:35Z

i bus tables and clean/fill salad bars ant a locally owned restaurant. we dont have blue cheese dressing at the salad bar, but you could ask a waitress for some and pay 35 cents for it (its expensive!) i always tell my boss we should jsut get some so people shut up, because people ask ME all the time if we have it. usually people are like oh, okay, is this the ranch?, but there was this one lady, she must have been ninety years old, i was cleaning off counter and she came up with a plate OVERFLOWING with salad, and asked me which one was blue cheese dressing. i calmly told her that we didnt have any, and she said "YOU DONT?! I CANT EAT MY SALAD WITHOUT BLUE CHEESE DRESSING!" so i said, " you can ask your waitress for some if MUST have it, but it costs a little extra", she totally freaked out! She slammed her plate of salad on the counter that i had just cleaned, spewing the salad and everything all over the counter and floor, and she yelled at me. she was like "THIS IS RIDICULOUS, I CANT EAT MY SALAD WITHOUT BLUE CHEESE, I WILL SHUT THIS PLACE DOWN!!!!"

okay lady, calm the fuck down, you dont HAVE TO HAVE IT, and really, if you must, pay the damned 35 cents for some. DONT freak the fuck out and make a mess and be a drama queen in the middle of a restaurant, you are only making YOURSELF look like an asshole.

customerssuck @ 2008-07-20T13:42:00

2008-07-20T18:44:40Z

Happened yesterday. More of a lol.

A man, his wife, and a young girl come up to the register. The man looks right at me and asks, completely, totally, painfully serious, "What kind of apple turnovers do you have?"

There was a pause.

"...Apple."

Another moment of silence, in which his wife and I look at one another, and finally burst out laughing. The man went red and laughed too, thank goodness.

ugh

2008-07-20T18:31:42Z

Dear customers calling phone centers on Sundays just to talk to someone because no one loves you/you don't have anything better to do:

Get a fucking life. I'm here to answer your questions related to my job & the company I work for. I am not here for stories about your shitty life or just to prattle on ruining my talk time for no reason. Call with a purpose other than to ruin my day.

customerssuck @ 2008-07-20T09:52:00

2008-07-20T14:17:01Z

#1.

I was stocking cosmetics at the Rimmel stand and was stocking stuff on the bottom shelves when I hear a guy come in, strut past me, and nonchalantly says...

"Oh, on your knees again, eh?"

.....

.....

:O :O :O!!!!! was pretty much my reaction. Seriously, I was pissed. Even my cashier's jaw dropped. I gave the guy the most pissed-off nasty glare and he seemed to realize what a stupid-ass thing he said, "Oh, I, I just meant that every time I come in here, you're down there on you knees, uh..."

I gave him a head shake as if to say, "Dude. Quit while you're ahead." He wasn't a regular that I joke with, he was some guy I'd seen MAYBE once or twice in the store--that doesn't make us buddies, guy, and it certainly doesn't make it ok to make stupid jokes.

(Similarly, I hate the people who bother me when I'm stocking and they say, "Oh, what a good girl, praying!" Yeah. I'm praying that you leave me the FUCK ALONE.)

#2.

Lady who came in to print her 300 pictures of Africa and burn 2 CDs at the IN SECONDS KIOSK and then just LEFT? You are a sack of excrement. Those instant kiosks are NOT MEANT for your BAJILLIONS OF PICTURES that end up taking OVER AN HOUR TO COMPLETE BECAUSE YOU ENDED UP DEPLETING THE ENTIRE MACHINE OF RIBBON AND PAPER. And to cap it off, you knew they'd take forever and so you said, "Well, I'll be back in an hour or so," and just strutted off, leaving me to babysit your fucking prints flying out the rack and to make sure your CDs burned. Luckily, it wasn't busy at that hour and I only had to tell one woman, "I'm sorry, this idiot is tying up the Instant kiosk, you can print over here on the In-Hour one and I'll get them out to you right away, should only be a few minutes." She commiserated with me fully and even told me, "Man, good luck, sorry that people are jerks!" I'm glad that some people get it.

But that's ok. Sack of excrement? You got the nice inflated In Seconds price of 29 cents. Hope you enjoyed paying 87 bucks for what would have been better quality and, actually, even faster printing for that amount of prints on the In-Hour, worth 57 dollars.

I'm not paid to babysit digital kiosks. Remember that next time.

#3.

Lady who started slamming Folgers coffee on my counter, trying to intimidate me and my store manager? Go play in traffic. Seriously, I'm sorry that we've been consistently out of some things when they're on sale--we always give you the rainchecks you so covet, they don't expire, and we're pretty lenient in the area of quantity so please to quit being a prick about it.

Your ranting and screaming only drew attention to yourself and I'm so, SO glad my store manager was right there when you started going off on me about something I don't even control. Store Manager handled it as best he could, "Ma'am, there's two on the shelf. I'll give you those two for the sale price and then give you a new raincheck for the remaining two you aren't getting today." Not good enough for you, apparently, as you started slamming the coffee on the counter--at this point I rolled my eyes and left. Not dealing with it. SM finished with you and apparently you decided to not get any coffee and left hollering and whining, "I didn't come down here for JUST TWO!!" (So you're going to leave without any? Smart.) and also, "CVS is horrible, CVS never has what I want, etc."

Lady? Easy solution. Don't shop here anymore. It's win-win. You stop getting agitated with our crappy supply issues AND I don't have to see your bitchy face anymore.

I put in my two weeks yesterday. :) August 3rd, I will be.... at another CVS. In the town I am moving to. lol. But it seems like a nicer, smaller town. Hopefully I won't be such a regular in this forum...

Audacity - n. see also "customer suck"

2008-07-20T02:32:57Z

Time for story-time with your perky little bank teller! *insert patented customer service grin here*

Ahh...the life of a teller. Cool, air conditioned bank lobby; a nice cushy stool to sit on all day; no food to fry, tables to bus, or clothes to pick up. Retail heaven, one might say.

Noooot necessarily. Although we are lucky enough to have our own employee bathroom (GLEE!), we still have to take a fair bit of shit from customers (:B See what I did there?).

Let me preface by saying, without any exaggeration, that I am one of the sweetest tellers you'll ever meet. I'll bend over backwards for you upon our first meeting; I'll get managers to reconsider holds; I'll research ways to avoid fees for you. All for the low, low price of $11/hr (paid by The Company, so for you? free)! :D I've had people tell me I'm too nice; that I've made their day; my regulars WAIT for me, when all they have is a simple straight deposit. (*gag* enough about me...)

Anyway, sometimes, despite my unerring sweetness and willingness to please (I'm pretty sure I have a psychological disorder, like Niceness Disorder, Simplex Q), I sometimes run into customers that, despite their apparent sex, have some HUGE balls. *cough* Figuratively.

Needless Comment #1:

So, I'm helping my customer, C (a first time customer, middle-aged male who seemed nice), cash a check, and I realize I need large bills (bank-speak for $100s), so I meander over to the cash machine after excusing myself. At the machine, I see R, a wonderful regular, with another teller. This ensues:

Me: *at machine, waiting for more bills* Hey, R! Back again, huh? 3rd time this week!
R: Haha, yeah, still waiting on that deposit!
Me: I think you just like coming in to see me! *corny laugh*
R: That must be it! Hahah!

Me: *wanders back over to C* All right, sir! Here are your large bills.
C: *having overheard the conversation in the empty bank* She really wasn't here to see you, you know.
Me: *after counting bills out* I'm sorry, what's that, sir?
C: That woman. She's not here to see you. Haha, you're not as special as you think you are! She's just here to get some GREEN! *points to the cash*
Me: *Inside: D:, maintaining sweet tone* Heh... Yeah, you're probably right, Mr. Jackass (name changed to protect the rude)! Have a nice day...?

O.o; I mean, WTF? Aside from the fact that it was a stupid joke I was telling, and I knew R was there to get cash, some people really do stop off just to say hi to me. :(

Rude Asshole #2:

So, I'm a senior at University, and I'm studying Global Cultures. I want to get into foreign relations eventually, after much studying. I might get my TEFL certificate and teach English abroad. *far off, self-important stare into the distance...*

ANYWAY, most other tellers are...you guessed it, business majors (omgz best majer EVAR). This little gem happens more often than you would think, but here's a specific example:

RDH: Rich dickhead, mid- to late-50s (started off nice, just like the rest of them...)
Me: Yay!

Me: Hi, Welcome! *five-mile grin* How can I help you today?
RDH: Just a deposit, a little cash back. You look so young to be working here!
Me: Heh... I'm actually 19. *smilesmile*
RDH: Oh, so you must be in school!
Me: Yep! I go to UCI! (Go anteaters! *cough*)
RDH: What are you studying?
Me: I'm a GC major!
RDH: *gives me a look*
Me: I'm serious!
RDH: *furrows brow* No! You need to GET serious!!! What are you going to do with that? You're wasting your time! Business is where you need to be! That's where the money is. I hope you get your head straight before you graduate...
Me: *pale skin goes beet red* I...suppose you're right sir. I guess we'll have to see! *impervious teller smile*
RDH: How do you think I got where I am (he had a sizeable account...) blahblahblah...

Um...dude...you asked me. And also, it's none of your goddamn business what I do with my life.

Final Jerkwad:

Just a little blurb on him... No script form to save your poor bleeding eyes...

Basically, he was mad that ATM deposits cannot immediately credit to your account. If you knew how many empty envelopes get deposited for that Reg CC guaranteed $100, you'd understand. He rants on for like 10 minutes, with me sitting there with saucer-eyes (unintentional, of course). I chirp my apologies, and he says, in a dead-serious tone, something along the lines of:

"You know, lifelike_dreams (he read my name plate), I know it's not you. But since you took this job, and you sit there with your little ABC Bank badge (????), you ARE ABC Bank. You need to sit here and listen to my complaints."

Um... WHAT? Because I am the grunt on the company, the bottom rung of the ladder, I NEED to sit and valiantly listen to you bash my company and insult all who work here, as well as give us illogical suggestions on how to run our multi-billion dollar company? That's the biggest crock I've heard in a LOOONG ass time.

X.x; Fun fun fun. As if the constant looming threat of getting robbed weren't enough...