thedandc (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} thedandc) wrote in ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} customers_suck,@ 2007-06-05 14:44:00 |
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some favorites (long post)
I have worked in customer-related jobs since I was 14 years old. Every job I have ever had has been in direct contact with the general public; thus, I HATE people. Now, as an employee, I have my pet peeves, just like any other employee. Because I have been an employee, I also have my major pet peeves as a customer. I consider myself a good customer. I'm patient, polite to other customers, understanding when an employee can't get to me right now, and I only lose my temper with employees when they are blatantly rude to me...and even then, I have hesitated and told myself, "No...he/she is just having a bad day, and I understand." Because of my customer etiquette, I am continuously disgusted by the way people behave in public. So from one customer to another (you know they read these), here are some pet peeves from an employee-turned-customer...before I tell some of my favorite stupid customer stories.
*edited for people-pleasing purposes*
1. DO NOT BRING YOUR SMALL CHILDREN TO RESTAURANTS IF THEY CAN'T BEHAVE! For the love of all that is good and holy! CALL A BABYSITTER! My husband and I do not have children...for a reason. We hate kids. We hate kids because we cannot recall a meal at a restaurant that did not include a screaming baby/stupid parent. Leave the fucking kid at home. No one thinks it's cute when he slings mashed potatoes at the server. No one thinks your incessant baby talk is sweet. No one wants to hear you yelling, "Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey!" No one wants to hear the whine-hold breath-SCREAM that your child has perfected. It's obnoxious, and your spawn make people want to stop having sex.
2. No one cares how big a hurry you're in. Least of all the employees. And certainly not other customers. So stop bitching and get in the back of the line, you harpie. And no...just because you got out of the line to bitch at the employee doesn't give you the right to reclaim your former place.
3. Learn to read. If the sign says it's on sale, then it's on sale, and you don't need to keep reminding the cashier. He/She knows. If there is no sign, and the price tag shows the regular price...that does not mean that you can haggle with the cashier. He/She doesn't care that it was on sale 4 months ago, or if another store had it on sale last week. Neither do the other customers who you are so generously holding up in line. If you don't want to pay for it, then don't BUY IT, DUMBASS!
4. Take a good look at yourself. You just screamed obscenities at an employee in front of your kids. Jackass.
That being said...I have compiled a few of my favorite customer stories. Because I've used enough length already, I'll use cuts.
#1 Place of employment: McDonald's
Station: Drive-thru
Me = *wave* 'tis moi
SLDNOSUV = Stupid lady driving a needlessly oversized sport utility vehicle
SLS = Stupid lady's spawn
Headset: *beeeeeep*
Me: "Welcome to McDonalds, how can I help you?"
SLDNOSUV: "Just a second" *SLS in background*
Me: *overly happy* "Okay, just let me know when you're ready!"
SLDNOSUV: "What do you guys want?"
SLS: *bustling noise*
SLDNOSUV: "Happy meal? Burger or nuggets?"
SLS/SLDNOSUV: *10 minutes of this*
Me: "Ma'am are you ready to order?"
*phone rings*
SLDNOSUV: "Hey, kids! It's daddy! Say hi to daddy!"
SLS: *together* "HEY DADDY! WE'RE AT MCDONALDS!!!"
SLDNOSUV: "Yeah, we're about to order"
Me: "Ma'am?"
SLDNOSUV: "Just a sec, I'm on the phone."
Me: *waits for the next 15 minutes...a line is now forming around the building* "Ma'am...I'm going to have to ask you to please make a decision. We're getting busy, and you've been in line for over half an hour."
SLDNOSUV: "Kids...what do you want?" *waits another 10 minutes before driving off*
About 2 minutes later, she comes into the restaurant, kids in tow and asks to speak to my manager (my then boyfriend...shhh!). He comes up to the counter where she proceeds to scream at him (in front of the kids). "THAT DUMBASS RIGHT THERE REFUSED TO TAKE MY ORDER!" *shoots fire from her eyeballs and sprouts 20-foot claws from her fingers* "SHE MADE ME WAIT OVER AN HOUR IN THE DRIVE-THRU, AND NOW MY KIDS ARE STARVING" *insert random cuss words*
Manager (boyfriend) just stands there looking at her...and takes off his headset. "Ma'am...I was listening to the entire thing. You were in line for half an hour. And we have a camera that points directly at the speaker. It records sound. Now...if you would like me to play it out in the dining room so you and your children can watch it while you enjoy your lunch, I will be more than happy to do so."
"Come on, kids. We're going to [go make asses of ourselves at] BURGER KING!"
#2 Place of employment: McDonald's
Station: Drive-thru
Me = You guessed it
CSTCR = Cheapskate that can't read.
Before I tell this one, a backstory. McDonald's ran a promotion a few years back where they chose random sandwiches to sell for $1 each. This was about the time they were introducing the Big n'Nasty Tasty. The sales on burgers would start on Monday and last through Saturday night and the breakfast sandwiches would change on Monday night. This took place on...[you'd be correct!] Sunday night!!! I mentioned before that the manager was my boyfriend. He and I had gone through the store and taken down all the signs the previous night for the Big Macs that were on sale. The next sandwich would be the Filet, but that's beside the point. We got all the signs off the drive-thru. We double checked. The only ones left said, "Sausage biscuit 2 for $2"
Me: "Welcome to McDonald's how can I help you?"
CSTCR: "Yeah, I'd like 5 Big Macs"
Me: *they are about $4 each after tax* "That'll be *about $20*"
CSTCR: "No. That's wrong. They're supposed to be $1 each."
Me: "Ma'am that sale ended yesterday, I'm sorry. Would you just like one?"
CSTCR: "NO, I WANT FIVE!"
Me: *gives total again*
CSTCR: "I want five, and I want to pay $5! That's FINAL!"
Me: "I'm sorry, but we ended that sale yesterday."
CSTCR: "Then why do you still have a sign out here?"
Me: "I took all those signs down personally, ma'am. There is no sign for a $1 Big Mac."
CSTCR: "I'm sitting here looking at it! It's right next to the bacon egg and cheese biscuit!"
Me: *confused* "I'm sorry, but I think you're reading the sausage biscuits are 2 for $2. The Big Macs went off sale yesterday."
CSTCR: "Well, it's only been one day. Can't you give them to me for $1 anyway?"
Me: "I can't override the prices in my register. They've already been changed back."
CSTCR: "FINE THEN! I'm going to Burger King! THEY MAKE BETTER BIG MACS ANYWAY!!!!!!" *burns rubber and flips me off*
Need I say more?
#3 Place of employment: Old Navy
Station: Cashier
EM = I'll change it up a bit.
LFUDC = Lady furiously using her debit card
Backstory: In Old Navy's system...you can't swipe your card before the cashier presses "credit/debit". I don't care how you do it at Wal-Mart or Kroger. You can't do it that way at Old Navy.
EM: *ringing up her clothing, giving the ONC shpill*
LFUDC: *swipe* "Are those shirts ringing up right?" *pokes EFT machine with pen*
EM: "Yes ma'am...but you can't.."
LFUDC: "Good! I'm so glad they're on sale!" *puts debit card away and continues to poke at EFT machine*
EM: "You have to wait..."
LFUDC: *answers ringing cell phone and walks off to have conversation*
EM: *still scanning for a few minutes* "Ma'am?"
LFUDC: "What? Oh...okay..." *grabs bags and starts to walk off*
EM: "Ma'am!! You can't leave yet!"
LFUDC: "Okay...I've got to go, I'll call you back. I guess they think I'm stealing!" *walks back over to register* "What?"
EM: "You have to pay for your clothes."
LFUDC: "I already did!"
EM: "I tried to tell you...you have to wait for me to press the button."
LFUDC: "Well, the press it and I'll be on my way!"
EM: "You'll have to scan your card again."
LFUDC: "Oh, Jesus CHRIST!" *takes out card and swipes JUST as I'm pressing the button*
EM: "You have to wait for me to press it."
LFUDC: *begins childishly swiping the card repeatedly while staring at me like a psycho*
EM: *trying not to crack up* "I can't press it while you're doing that?"
LFUDC: *grabs pen and starts poking at the machine again* "IT'S BROKEN!"
EM: *thinks probably NOW!* "Ma'am just let me cancel the transaction and start over."
LFUDC: "FUCK! Why is this so hard for you!?"
EM: "You can't swipe it like that. It will confuse the machine."
LFUDC: *huffs and puffs while I have manager cancel the transaction*
EM: *finishing re-scanning* :thank God we weren't busy: "Okay, that'll be.." *notices she SLIDING HER CARD AGAIN!* "You can't swipe it yet, ma'am. I haven't pressed the button."
LFUDC: "I don't know what good it'll do, the machine is broken again. You KNEW I was using a debit card! Why didn't you press it?!"
EM: *can't move fingers at the speed of light* "You know what? My computer says I have to scan it manually anyway." *totally lying*
LFUDC: *hands me the card* "Christ, this is taking forever!"
EM: *presses button, scans card* "Now, enter your pin, and you can be on your way."
LFUDC: *STABS the EFT machine with the pen* "I swear to GOD! If you have charged my debit card more than $56.72, it's YOUR ASS! I had to swipe my card 50 times!"
EM: "If your card has been charged more than once, your bank will automatically cancel the transactions."
LFUDC: "YOU BETTER HOPE THEY DO! THAT'S THEFT!" *storms out*
I turned to the manager, who is now rolling up her jaw from the floor. "You know us crazy criminal types."
I have worked in customer-related jobs since I was 14 years old. Every job I have ever had has been in direct contact with the general public; thus, I HATE people. Now, as an employee, I have my pet peeves, just like any other employee. Because I have been an employee, I also have my major pet peeves as a customer. I consider myself a good customer. I'm patient, polite to other customers, understanding when an employee can't get to me right now, and I only lose my temper with employees when they are blatantly rude to me...and even then, I have hesitated and told myself, "No...he/she is just having a bad day, and I understand." Because of my customer etiquette, I am continuously disgusted by the way people behave in public. So from one customer to another (you know they read these), here are some pet peeves from an employee-turned-customer...before I tell some of my favorite stupid customer stories.
*edited for people-pleasing purposes*
1. DO NOT BRING YOUR SMALL CHILDREN TO RESTAURANTS IF THEY CAN'T BEHAVE! For the love of all that is good and holy! CALL A BABYSITTER! My husband and I do not have children...for a reason. We hate kids. We hate kids because we cannot recall a meal at a restaurant that did not include a screaming baby/stupid parent. Leave the fucking kid at home. No one thinks it's cute when he slings mashed potatoes at the server. No one thinks your incessant baby talk is sweet. No one wants to hear you yelling, "Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey!" No one wants to hear the whine-hold breath-SCREAM that your child has perfected. It's obnoxious, and your spawn make people want to stop having sex.
2. No one cares how big a hurry you're in. Least of all the employees. And certainly not other customers. So stop bitching and get in the back of the line, you harpie. And no...just because you got out of the line to bitch at the employee doesn't give you the right to reclaim your former place.
3. Learn to read. If the sign says it's on sale, then it's on sale, and you don't need to keep reminding the cashier. He/She knows. If there is no sign, and the price tag shows the regular price...that does not mean that you can haggle with the cashier. He/She doesn't care that it was on sale 4 months ago, or if another store had it on sale last week. Neither do the other customers who you are so generously holding up in line. If you don't want to pay for it, then don't BUY IT, DUMBASS!
4. Take a good look at yourself. You just screamed obscenities at an employee in front of your kids. Jackass.
That being said...I have compiled a few of my favorite customer stories. Because I've used enough length already, I'll use cuts.
#1 Place of employment: McDonald's
Station: Drive-thru
Me = *wave* 'tis moi
SLDNOSUV = Stupid lady driving a needlessly oversized sport utility vehicle
SLS = Stupid lady's spawn
Headset: *beeeeeep*
Me: "Welcome to McDonalds, how can I help you?"
SLDNOSUV: "Just a second" *SLS in background*
Me: *overly happy* "Okay, just let me know when you're ready!"
SLDNOSUV: "What do you guys want?"
SLS: *bustling noise*
SLDNOSUV: "Happy meal? Burger or nuggets?"
SLS/SLDNOSUV: *10 minutes of this*
Me: "Ma'am are you ready to order?"
*phone rings*
SLDNOSUV: "Hey, kids! It's daddy! Say hi to daddy!"
SLS: *together* "HEY DADDY! WE'RE AT MCDONALDS!!!"
SLDNOSUV: "Yeah, we're about to order"
Me: "Ma'am?"
SLDNOSUV: "Just a sec, I'm on the phone."
Me: *waits for the next 15 minutes...a line is now forming around the building* "Ma'am...I'm going to have to ask you to please make a decision. We're getting busy, and you've been in line for over half an hour."
SLDNOSUV: "Kids...what do you want?" *waits another 10 minutes before driving off*
About 2 minutes later, she comes into the restaurant, kids in tow and asks to speak to my manager (my then boyfriend...shhh!). He comes up to the counter where she proceeds to scream at him (in front of the kids). "THAT DUMBASS RIGHT THERE REFUSED TO TAKE MY ORDER!" *shoots fire from her eyeballs and sprouts 20-foot claws from her fingers* "SHE MADE ME WAIT OVER AN HOUR IN THE DRIVE-THRU, AND NOW MY KIDS ARE STARVING" *insert random cuss words*
Manager (boyfriend) just stands there looking at her...and takes off his headset. "Ma'am...I was listening to the entire thing. You were in line for half an hour. And we have a camera that points directly at the speaker. It records sound. Now...if you would like me to play it out in the dining room so you and your children can watch it while you enjoy your lunch, I will be more than happy to do so."
"Come on, kids. We're going to [go make asses of ourselves at] BURGER KING!"
#2 Place of employment: McDonald's
Station: Drive-thru
Me = You guessed it
CSTCR = Cheapskate that can't read.
Before I tell this one, a backstory. McDonald's ran a promotion a few years back where they chose random sandwiches to sell for $1 each. This was about the time they were introducing the Big n'
Me: "Welcome to McDonald's how can I help you?"
CSTCR: "Yeah, I'd like 5 Big Macs"
Me: *they are about $4 each after tax* "That'll be *about $20*"
CSTCR: "No. That's wrong. They're supposed to be $1 each."
Me: "Ma'am that sale ended yesterday, I'm sorry. Would you just like one?"
CSTCR: "NO, I WANT FIVE!"
Me: *gives total again*
CSTCR: "I want five, and I want to pay $5! That's FINAL!"
Me: "I'm sorry, but we ended that sale yesterday."
CSTCR: "Then why do you still have a sign out here?"
Me: "I took all those signs down personally, ma'am. There is no sign for a $1 Big Mac."
CSTCR: "I'm sitting here looking at it! It's right next to the bacon egg and cheese biscuit!"
Me: *confused* "I'm sorry, but I think you're reading the sausage biscuits are 2 for $2. The Big Macs went off sale yesterday."
CSTCR: "Well, it's only been one day. Can't you give them to me for $1 anyway?"
Me: "I can't override the prices in my register. They've already been changed back."
CSTCR: "FINE THEN! I'm going to Burger King! THEY MAKE BETTER BIG MACS ANYWAY!!!!!!" *burns rubber and flips me off*
Need I say more?
#3 Place of employment: Old Navy
Station: Cashier
EM = I'll change it up a bit.
LFUDC = Lady furiously using her debit card
Backstory: In Old Navy's system...you can't swipe your card before the cashier presses "credit/debit". I don't care how you do it at Wal-Mart or Kroger. You can't do it that way at Old Navy.
EM: *ringing up her clothing, giving the ONC shpill*
LFUDC: *swipe* "Are those shirts ringing up right?" *pokes EFT machine with pen*
EM: "Yes ma'am...but you can't.."
LFUDC: "Good! I'm so glad they're on sale!" *puts debit card away and continues to poke at EFT machine*
EM: "You have to wait..."
LFUDC: *answers ringing cell phone and walks off to have conversation*
EM: *still scanning for a few minutes* "Ma'am?"
LFUDC: "What? Oh...okay..." *grabs bags and starts to walk off*
EM: "Ma'am!! You can't leave yet!"
LFUDC: "Okay...I've got to go, I'll call you back. I guess they think I'm stealing!" *walks back over to register* "What?"
EM: "You have to pay for your clothes."
LFUDC: "I already did!"
EM: "I tried to tell you...you have to wait for me to press the button."
LFUDC: "Well, the press it and I'll be on my way!"
EM: "You'll have to scan your card again."
LFUDC: "Oh, Jesus CHRIST!" *takes out card and swipes JUST as I'm pressing the button*
EM: "You have to wait for me to press it."
LFUDC: *begins childishly swiping the card repeatedly while staring at me like a psycho*
EM: *trying not to crack up* "I can't press it while you're doing that?"
LFUDC: *grabs pen and starts poking at the machine again* "IT'S BROKEN!"
EM: *thinks probably NOW!* "Ma'am just let me cancel the transaction and start over."
LFUDC: "FUCK! Why is this so hard for you!?"
EM: "You can't swipe it like that. It will confuse the machine."
LFUDC: *huffs and puffs while I have manager cancel the transaction*
EM: *finishing re-scanning* :thank God we weren't busy: "Okay, that'll be.." *notices she SLIDING HER CARD AGAIN!* "You can't swipe it yet, ma'am. I haven't pressed the button."
LFUDC: "I don't know what good it'll do, the machine is broken again. You KNEW I was using a debit card! Why didn't you press it?!"
EM: *can't move fingers at the speed of light* "You know what? My computer says I have to scan it manually anyway." *totally lying*
LFUDC: *hands me the card* "Christ, this is taking forever!"
EM: *presses button, scans card* "Now, enter your pin, and you can be on your way."
LFUDC: *STABS the EFT machine with the pen* "I swear to GOD! If you have charged my debit card more than $56.72, it's YOUR ASS! I had to swipe my card 50 times!"
EM: "If your card has been charged more than once, your bank will automatically cancel the transactions."
LFUDC: "YOU BETTER HOPE THEY DO! THAT'S THEFT!" *storms out*
I turned to the manager, who is now rolling up her jaw from the floor. "You know us crazy criminal types."
