The place I work has an astonishingly wide range of services spread over a large area, and about 3000 employees, and a few thousand more people associated with us. A large part of my job is to direct you to who you need to talk to, and I have half a dozen ways to find someone in particular. However, you'll need to give me a little bit of help too...

"Thank you for calling *mywork*, this is oddersockrocker speaking"
"Darling, can you put me through to John?"
"I can! Do you know his last name?"
"Jooohhhhhhnnnnnnnn" From this point on she adopts a condescending, really slow you-are-obviously-quite-stupid tone.
"Ah, yes, JOHN. John... ?"
"JOHN. JOHN. Put me through to JOHN!"
"Do you perhaps know where he works, or his particular job?"
"JOHN, Darling, JOOOOOOHHHHN"
"Ah, yes, I do understand, however I need to know a last name or a place or his job position to put you through to the right person"
"Oh. Is this *particular store*?"
"No, this is the Admin office. Would you like me to put you through to that store"
"... yes"
*headdesk*

- I checked our phonebooks. Under "John" we have about 20 employees, about 10 under Jonathon. And more who aren't in phonebooks because they don't work at fixed locations. So lady, you suck for being so rude and talking to me like I'm a moron.

I don't work in retail anymore but I have a lot of stories just waiting to be told. I'm glad I found this community because it feels so good to vent!

( Minor WTFs... )

Dear all you zombies,

When you ask for a plain double cheeseburger, or a plain anyburger that has cheese on it, I will clarify, "Okay, did you want cheese on that?" This makes me sound dumb, but there's seems to be some disagreement in the wider community as to whether or not a plain version of a burger-with-cheese should have cheese on it. I only want to make your day happy.

Why, oh why, must you cop an attitude? Why must you condescendingly explain YOUR plain definition like I'm stupid? I asked you a simple clarification, and getting snotty with me over a yes-or-no question makes you an asshole. What's even better is I KNOW you'll pitch a fit if we get it wrong. When you continue to ask me, over and over, if I got your burger right, in that tone that people use to talk to three-year-olds, I will hate you forever and forever.


Hope you choke to death on this burger,

Me

Minor, but still aggravating.

Hubby and I both work for a large bookstore chain with unaffiliated coffee shops at many locations. The coffee shop at hubby's location is closed for renovations for 2-3 weeks. A woman calls in today and huffily demands to know if the coffee shop is open yet. In response to her tone, hubby politely points out that it has only been two days, but that no, he's afraid they are not yet open.
Woman on Phone: Well this is terrible service!
Hubby: I'm very sorry, ma'am, but as they're not actually part of our company-
WoP: Well, it's terrible service and you've lost me as a customer! *Click*

Charming. Bitch at the employees of a company entirely unrelated to the one that's doing something inconvenient for you. Ah well. As one of hubby's employees pointed out, if she's that pissy about the lack of coffee shop, the main focus of her visits was probably never the books, so really, not much of a loss.

Sushi chef and waiter here. First up, one of the strangest phone calls I've ever received: (took place last Saturday night, before the Superbowl) The gentleman on the other end of the line sounded coherent, not at all like a prank caller. File this conversation under a serious WTF.

( Thanks for sharing )

I don't know where the superbowl was being played, but I'm in Colorado. I'm pretty sure it wasn't here, and it's the night before the game... I think it's terrific that you're trying to get there. Good luck? o_0

And an complete suck / WTF from last summer that I've kept forgetting to post here.

( How was that funny? )

I had no idea what to say. To this day I don't see how in any way that could have been funny.

We just had a major blizzard, and have three feet of snow of the ground, more in spots. The roads are barely plowed, and the driving is not fun. My manager was unable to come in today (Not her fault), so I did. Then my relief called. She couldn't work either. So I worked a 12-hour shift today, including doing all the shipment. My back was killing me, my feet hurt, and I was very hungry, but unable to take a break due to lack of co-workers. All in all, I was exhausted, and I looked it.

So, dear customers, why did you all feel the need to have this conversation with me?

Customer: "Why do you look so tired?"
Me: Ha, I've been here for 7/8/9/10/11 hours already, and I did shipment. I'm pretty beat."
Customer: "Lucky you, I had to stay at home for a few hours. It was so boring."/"Your job isn't that hard." (And various other versions)

I want you all to understand that the fact that I laughed it off and kept smiling cheerfully at you was an absolutely amazing feat, because I wanted to kill you all.

At my call center we can take payments for folks' health insurance. Normally the bills are on a monthly cycle, but our system will automatically put up a bill for two months if the preceding payment was late (ie after 30 days from the due date) to get you caught up. Now, we can split this double bill. We do it all the time. They just have to ask and we cheerfully split it. Everyone's happy.

But apparently it's just TOO HORRIBLE for some people to cope with.

Me: Your friendly neighborhood phone monkey
AH: Asshat McCrypants

Me: Thank you for calling the Evil Insurance Empire! My name is Cyrrus. How can I help you?

AH: You PEOPLE have a lot of explaining to do! I have a bill in my hands and I DEMAND an explanation NOW.

I verify his information and explain the bill situation. I get as far as, "because last month's payment was made on [date], the system put up a double bill"

AH: Are you implying that I was LATE! I have given you thousands of dollars of my money. I'm only making one payment, do you hear me! ONE PAYMENT!

Me: I'd be happy to---

AH: RANTY RANTY RANTY RANT RANT!

Me: But sir, I can--

AH: OMGWTFBBQ SO OFFENDED GOING TO SUE EVERYONE YOU'VE EVER MET!

Me: If I could--

AH: WHAAAAAARRRGARBL!

Me: But--

AH: GIVE ME YOUR SUPERVISOR!

Me: *in the 2.3 seconds while he takes a breath* Sir I'd be happy to split that bill for you.

AH: *suddenly smooth as butter, all smug, quiet, and calm* Of course you will.

Me: *haaate* I've corrected your bill, your balance is now $XXX. We're always happy to split a payment in situations like--

AH: *utterly, utterly superior and condescending* I'll let you in on a little secret. If you ever disagree with something a company does, just complain, and keep going above whoever tells you no. They'll always give you what you want. Have a good day, sweetie! *disconnects*

Me: D:< I want toss your EB ass into a wood chipper! GAH!

To the lady who called this afternoon:

I'll agree with you that seeing one of our crew members spitting into his cup is gross, BUT please do not jump to the conclusion that he was dipping.  He was chewing sunflower seeds and using the cup to dispose of the shells.  He has since been told to not eat sunflower seeds whilst on the clock.

However!  I will not agree that our crew members were loitering and that they should not be hanging out in the store.  Given the time frame that you were in the store, there are two possibilities as to what happened: (*note*:  I was there the night this happened, but I think I was in the back or on break myself, which would mean I was 'loitering'.)  Several crew members were on break and seeing as how we don't have a break room in the back, we take our breaks at the tables up front.  Or, the manager on duty decided to let some crew members leave early and they were all punching out and gathering their belongings from under the manager's desk (Which is near the front of the store behind our front counter.)  Our GM isn't going to make us start taking our breaks in the back where there are no tables.

Also, when the blond haired girl, kept asking you if you needed anything else, it was because you were standing there.  I would have asked you as well, if I had walked up to the front.  She was doing *GASP* her job!

No love,

Sharay

Medical assistant in a primary care office.

Dear Sir,

We are a busy practice that consists of two doctors and only four exam rooms. That means only two patients per doctor can be in the back at one time. I understand that you have a stoma and breathing problems. However, you're sick like half of the free world right now. Having said stoma does not excuse you from wearing a breathable mask over your mouth to avoid infecting others. Especially with the way you huff air out and spit all over the place. When my fellow MA tells you, after the seventh time you've asked in as many minutes, that it's still going to be a few minutes before there is a room open that is not the time for you to inform her that she better get you back there now or you're going to take your stoma tube out and empty the phlegm all over the floor. No. You are an adult. It's a busy practice normally, but today we're covering for another doctor who's out sick this week. We have a lot of people. Patience please. It will get you more places in life.

No love,
me.

Excuse me, sir, but can I help you find some shoes today? Yes, I do see your sunglasses. Yes, they're very nice. Yes, I can see that they are heart-shaped. Would you like me to help you... Oh, you're just looking? Okay. Have fun dancing in the aisles.

What was that? You wanted my age? I'm thirty. No, I'm not married. Thank you for the high-five. Did you need help with... Nope. You're going to start dancing again. No, I'm afraid I won't be able to join you right now. Thanks for the offer, though. Okay. Bye, now. Bye. Bye.

(In case anyone was wondering: the gentleman in question has been in the store on more than one occasion, and behaves like... well, like your average guy, pretty much. If I had to guess, I'd say he was probably enjoying a chemically-enhanced shopping experience. It would explain the dancing.)

Recap: Cashier and self-checkout attendant at Midwest grocery store chain.

As I was working self-checkout yesterday, a customer flagged me over yesterday and was telling me her bread was supposed to be on sale. The best way for me to know if something's on sale is the indication of PC next to the item (PC = Plus Card, meaning if you swipe your card it should come up on sale) and checking the sales paper. As I noted it didn't say PC next to it and it wasn't shown in our paper I asked if she wanted to show me which bread she was talking about to make sure it was on sale so I could correct it (about 80% of the time customers misread the sale price on something next to it or whatever the case is) and instead of asking me to take it off, she rudely says "I don't why you guys can't honor the actual sale price. It's supposed to be on sale!". I again ask her if she wants me to take it off her order and instead rolls her eyes saying "No, I'll just pay for it". Ok, if you're so upset about it being not being "sale", why are you paying for it?

More a head-scratcher than anything, but...

Had a lady in today who wanted a cafe latte. But she didn't want it in a latte glass, she wanted it in a regular coffee cups that flat whites and cappacinos come in. And since a latte is pretty much just a flat white in a glass with more volume - hence making it weaker - when you ask for a latte in a flat white cup, that's a flat white.

I was so taken aback by that request, that I said 'uh... that would be a flat white'. I wasn't being condesencing, but she seemed to take it that way, and launched into a lengthy explaination about how lattes have more froth and flat whites have more milk and flat whites are stronger and lattes are weaker and she didn't want as big a glass as a latte or as weak a coffee as a latte but she wanted it to be frothy like a latte and how no-one ever gets it (yeah, that's probably 'cos they tune out after thirty seconds of your long-winded explaination) but she liked it this particular way with so much froth only not too much and for it to be stronger than a regular latte and blah, blah, blah... what she basically wanted was an extra-frothy flat white. She couldn't have just said that?

The woman on the coffee machine seemed to get what she wanted because I didn't hear any complaints from her, but seriously, if you want your coffee - or anything - done a very specific way, either learn to explain what you want in a clear, concise way, or buy your own damn coffee machine and do it exactly the way you want.

Dear sir,

Please do not interrupt my cheerful greeting by going on about how you wanted decaf but didn't get decaf last time. Sure our bad, but i'm pretty sure I wasn't the one who served you because i've just had some time off. So please stop acting as if I am personally out to get you. Also, you need to tell me if you want soy. Chucking a sad because I didn't read your mind makes me wonder if the same thing happened when you asked for decaf last time.

No love,

Me.


Dear regular crazy lady,

That tin there was for raising money for a charity. A charity that helps look after sick children and their families. When you stole that tin, you stole from a charity that looks after sick children. How do you sleep at night?

No love and I don't think i'll be serving you next time,

Me.

Backstory: Club, yadayadayada.

So, I was on my break with one of the bartenders and one of the bouncers. We were round the back of the club, by a door that says 'Employee's and deliveries only.' Two of us were smoking, and one was on the phone. Pretty obvious we're not working, right?

Oh no, not for this guy.

G = Dude.
Me = Tada!
L = Bartender, not working, smoking, outside, nowhere near a bar.

G: -Randomly appears around the corner- Heyyy, do you guys work here?
Me: Yup.
G: Well, I was wondering, cause it's kinda busy in there...could one of you guys get me a drink?
L: Uh, what? No, sorry, we're on our break....and outside? You'll have to work one of the bar tenders who's working right now.
G: Oh but it's busy!
L: Well, yeah, but we can't get you a drink, sorry.
G: Not even quickly?
Me: Nope, you'll just have to wait with the rest of everyone.
G: Oh, right, that sucks....

He disappeared after that, and we didn't see him again but...what? Who goes outside, round to the back of a building, where people are obviously *not working*, to ask for a drink? Sense, this does not make.

I work at a bar and in a store... That is all :P
Sorry this isn't so eloquent, I am exhausted.

( Sucks from the Store )

( Sucks from the bar )

Oh so since I handed you the receipt for those books and then you dropped it you had the right to call me an idiot and say it was my fault? I heard you across the desk saying that this place was full of idiots.

And you aren't even the worse I had to deal with jsyk.

It seems to be a trend with me that I'll go months without anything beyond mere annoyance happening, then have multiple sucky customers hit all in one night.

( When it snows, it blizzards  )

tl;dr-Two guys won't shut up about how much TGIF sucks, two girls try to ditch out on their tab then fight over it, and cops got called on a drunk guy who just kept making things worse for himself.

I volunteer for school service hours at the main library branch in my city - shelving books, helping to run teen/YA programs, etc. Last fall I was shelving books in our fairly sizable graphic novels and manga section and there was a boy, maybe ten years old, who wandered up and took a volume of the manga Negima off the shelf. I've never read it, but I can tell you this: there are a lot, a lot, a lot of semi-nude teenage girls (THANK YOU KEN AKAMATSU FOR FURTHER PERPETUATING THAT STEREOTYPE, insert rage!face here) appear in this manga.

It's not my job to tell people what they are and aren't allowed to read, even if they are children. So I let him sit down and read and continued shelving. About twenty minutes later a woman, his mother, appeared and started talking to him, probably asking what he was reading. A few minutes after that, she stormed up to me, holding the book like it was someone else's used Kleenex.

MOTHER: Why are you letting my son read this trash?
ME: Um- well, it's not about letting him read it, I mean-
MOTHER: He's ten years old and you thought it was appropriate to let him read THIS? (Opens the book to a shot of a half-dressed girl)
ME: Ma'am, my job isn't to be your son's parental control system or anything. I just volunteer here-
BOY: Mooooooom.
MOTHER: Shh!
ME: I'm pretty sure there's a law that librarians aren't allowed to interfere with what people read or don't read. I'm very sorry.
MOTHER: Well, we'll just have to find a library where they are allowed, then! (drags her poor confused son away from the HORRIBLE DEVIANT TEENAGE-LIBRARIAN-IN-TRAINING CORRUPTING HER CHILD)