Hotel front desk monkey.
I just got this phone call.

Me: "Thank you for calling Hotel, this is Dwight, how can I help you?"
Small Child(I'd guess around 5 yo):  "Do ya'll give free rooms to homeless people? *giggle giggle*"
Me: "Not that I'm aware of, no."
Adult in background: "Say 'What an asshole!'
Small Child: "What an asshole *giggle giggle*"
Adult in background: "Now hang up! Hang up!"
Small child: *hits a couple of random buttons, finally hangs up.*


Way to be a role model...

I recently started working as a cashier in a general pharmacy in one of the biggest, busiest malls in Israel which for some reason attracts the most foul customers one can get. Every single day in that place is One of Those Days.

Like today. Wherein a woman with her young (4-5ish) kids come to check out at my register. First thing she says to me is "hurry up and finish my things before the chaos starts". They kids are generally misbehaving and don't listen to her at all. We're about to finish when I notice one of the kids is opening and wrecking a chocolate bars carton trying to get to the candy inside. She snaps at the kids, grabs the ruined product, and shoves it back on the shelf.

I inform the lady she'll have to pay for the ruined product. Her response? Yelling "Oh yeah? Why the hell would I do that?! You've got some nerve! It's your fault for not hurrying up like I told you. Anyway it's your responsibility to watch my kids while they're in your store!"

Okay then.

Later that day a customer yelled at me for smiling, since I should after all be serious when I'm working and obviously I'm not taking my job seriously (???)

Afterwards, a customer comes storming back with their check, because to their understanding I charged them 3 times for a 1+1 discount. I explained that the way the computer calculates the discount is to bill both, then negate one

For examples:
"1 Product Name 9.99
1 Product Name 9.99
***1 Product Name -9.99 "

I explained this. With charts. And underlines. And sweat and tears. When they finally gets it, they storm about how stupid the system is and I need to change it right now. Umm, because as a cash register it is well within my job description to program the register. Okay.


Aside from the bad, there was also the plain weird. A kid around 12-13 or so comes by my register and drops his basket on my counter. I greet him with a hello. He growls at me. Literally growls. GRRRRRRR! I would have growled back if not for the glare. o.0

McDonald's overnight manager here.

The other night I was in grill making all of the fatty food for our customers. At one point, I get an order for 3 southern style chicken sandwiches, one of them being plain. I remembered this order because

A) I was the one who made it.
B) We had to cook the chicken for the last two, making it a seven minute wait (EEP! I still don't understand why McDonald's raised the time of the chicken from 5 minutes to seven!)

About fifteen minutes later, a guy came through. He had ordered the three sandwiches (well, meals, but shh). He claimed that all of them were plain, when he wanted two regular and only one plain. Of course, he didn't have the sandwiches, and kept saying in broken English that his wife wanted two regular sandwiches and one plain. My back drive thru person (who used to be a manager before being sent over here and demoted because we had too many managers, yey McDonald's!) tried talking to him but couldn't get very far in terms of helping him.

So she sent him up to the front window, where I talked to him. It was a little hard to get by his accent, but five years of dealing with accents kind of helps.

Me: How can I help you sir?
Him: My wife say all the sandwiches you give us are plain!
Me: You had the three southern styles, one of them being plain, right?
Him: Yes! My wife say all three plain!
Me: Well, I can assure you all of them are not plain. I was the one who made the sandwiches, sir, and I made them exactly how you wanted them.
Him: But they all are plain!
Me: I made two of them regular and one plain.
(and yes, I am absolutely sure that he got the right sandwiches. Southern Style sandwiches are not usually ordered at night, and if someone had grabbed the wrong sandwich, it would have still been in the bin leaving me to go "hm.....Uhh ohh")
Him: But my wife say they are all plain!! There is nothing on them!
Me: Well could she be mistaking them for plain? After all, there is only butter and pickles on the sandwiches....
Him: I KNOW THERE ARE! Wife says all three are PLAIN when only wanted ONE plain!
Me: Sir, I was the one who made the sandwiches. I distinctly remember making them since we had to cook the chicken and it took forever and a year to cook it. I made two with butter on the bun and pickles with the chicken, and one just bread and chicken.
Him: ............Well we wanted lemonade, not tea
Me: (legit complaint) Okay, I can change that for you no problem. *Makes the lemonade, takes back the tea, hands out the right drinks*
Him: I call wife and see what she says...*pulls off, never to be heard from again*

Okay, asking for lemonade and getting tea is a legit complaint. That one I had no problem fixing. But complaining that two of the three sandwiches I personally made myself were wrong and not having the proof right in front of you....

You come back with the drinks...but not the food. With the drinks we can see that you took a sip of it, realized it wasn't what you wanted and went "ew..no"

But with the food, there is no way of telling if you ate it and are trying to scam us out of two expensive sandwiches, or if they really made wrong.

I work at a winery and unlike traditional grape wines, we make ours from tropical fruits. And we're not a tiny winery either, our facility cost millions to build which we frequently rent for parties, weddings, fundraising events, etc. So when I'm speaking with a customer and they excitedly tell me that they've been making fruit wines for years and they think that their wine is comparable to ours....do you use a $30,000 filter? No. And when you call and find out that we don't make wines out of grapes that does not mean that our wine is "low commodity." Finally, when you leave a comment in our guest book saying "This was a great experience for someone from California who knows wines!" (yes, she did underline the word "knows") that does not mean diddily squat to me. If I go to a restaurant and order cajun shrimp I'm not going to sit and tell my server that I'm from Louisiana. Hey, if you're a wine maker from Napa valley then that means something, otherwise, I don't give a shit.

This is a conversation that I had over the phone the other day. I can't remember it word for word, but I'll do my best. To start we have caller ID and I normally read off the name before I answer. My events coordinator after hearing who it was asked to speak with the guy, but I had already answered so just went with it.

Me: sup?
M: man that had a million douchebag things to say with an even douchier polite tone
EC: events coordinator

Me: blah blah blah winery!
M: Are you a real person?
Me: yes..........
M: Good, because I've tried every extension and have only gotten recordings (first off no other line rang, second the line he got me on was the very first extension.) I'm in need of wine making supplies.
Me: I'm sorry sir, but we only sell our wine that we make and wine accessories. You would have to go to an equipment supplier.
M: Ok, well do you sell corks. I'm in desperate need of some.
Me: We don't sell them in retail, but I can transfer you to our winemaker's line and he may be able to help you. However, he is out of town for the next week. Also, the corks we use are not the traditional wood corks, we use synthetic corks.
M: Well that won't help me. Let me ask you another question. I saw on your website that you are shipping fruit now. With your mangoes do you send recipes?
Me: Recipes for mango dishes and desserts?
M: No, you make mango wine, don't you?
Me: Yes, but it's not really a wine that you can make in your kitchen.
M; *chuckles* I don't know what you're talking about, but I've been making mango wine for years.
Me: I understand that, but our wine is made on a different level than you can make at home.
M; Oh, I don't want to steal your secret recipe or anything.

Come on, do you really think coca-cola is going to send you directions on how to make coke zero at home?

Me: Another question. Have you by any chance come into contact with Amy?
M: I'm sorry, we don't have anyone named Amy who works here.

At which point my EC made a motion for me to hand him over to her which I did and he continued talking at her for another 10 min.

Yeah, he was just the end to a frustrating day to haughty people that thought they knew everything.

Edit: I had a lot of spelling errors :(

Dear customers,

While I understand you have a WIC card (for those who don't know, it's kind of like a foodstamp card except it's meant for pregnant women or who have children under 5 to buy only certain items of food such as milk, eggs, baby food, etc), please don't get mad at me if certain food doesn't ring up as it should on your WIC card, especially when it says on the machine you don't have enough benefits to purchase this item, or that certain box of cereal isn't on the list of foods accepted for WIC. Why yes I do have the whole booklet right in front of me, see? Oh, thanks for shoving your copy of your WIC book in my face but like I said, got one right here. It's BS? Well sorry, even though I've called over my manager to see if they could resolve the problem but tell you the exact thing I said, don't huff and puff. Remember, you're being supported by the government, yell at them about the food.

Sincerely,

Hates-Ringing-Up-Whiny-WIC-Card-Holders


Dear customers,

While sometimes you hear that annoying buzzing noise as you try to leave the store because something was probably just not scanned correctly but paid for, don't jolt out or ignore it completely. Yes, it's a little annoying to come back and have someone check out your groceries just to make sure, we just want to make sure you aren't stealing which we obviously assume you probably aren't, but like I said, don't just ignore it completely.

Sincerely,

Can-I-Please-Check-Your-Groceries

Oh, dearest customers, I hate everything about you. I hate the way you don't know how to use the price checker, I hate the way you make me call customer service to retrieve an item two aisles away because you're too lazy to walk, I hate the way you let your kids put an item in their mouth to chew on and then give me the slimy thing so I can ring it up, I hate the way you tell me you don't need a bag (or that you brought your own) after I've already taken the trouble to bag your items, and I hate, hate, HATE how you can't READ THE SIGNS. No, that item is not 50% off, it's BUY ONE , GET ONE 50% OFF.

Yes, I hate you.

But despite all of that, there's one thing I hate about you the most. The one thing out of it all that drives me past the point of insane and into the territory of postal. And that, dear customers, is your jokes. I don't know if you're trying to brighten my day or if you worked in retail once yourself and you know these jokes make any clerk miserable and you want to spread your misery. Maybe there's some collection of terrible jokes on the internet that people can look up and use if they have a spontaneous urge to be a douchebag. I don't know where these jokes come from or why they exist, but EVERY CUSTOMER TELLS THEM.

And to make matters worse, we have to chuckle at them, lest we ourselves look like the douchebags.
( Stop me if you've heard this one! )

Secondhand WTF/Suck - boyfriend used to work in loss prevention for a large department store. I'll call him LP from now on. 

Story involves nudity - put it behind a cut just in case.

( This sh*t is bananas... B-A-N-A-N-A-S )

TL;DR: Woman is caught shoplifting, proceeds to strip down to her birthday suit in the middle of the store.

After that debacle, LP put a Chiquita Banana sticker up in the loss prevention room with a sign that read "Remember Chiquita." 

Dear Everyone:

When I tell you that someone from the store will call you as soon as your computer's ready, please do not call back two or three hours later asking if it's done. There are other computers here besides yours; chances are I haven't even been able to put it up on the bench yet.

Please stop calling me and diminishing my workplace productivity with your incoherent babbling,
-Tag

Recap: student worker doing conferences for my university for the summer.

So, some more crap from the people from here.

Gents. It's one thing to go off and whine to my coworker at the front gate about me being "rude" because I wouldn't let you break the rules and come through the back. My coworker will tell you that I'm not being rude because you all know the rules because your coaches told you them repeatedly (and I'm smiling all the while when I tell and/or ask you to just pop around to the front), and when she tells me of the moment, I will try to laugh.

That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt my feelings. Nevertheless, I will suck it up and go about my shift still smiling and being courteous while enforcing the rules, because that's what you do at work.

But it's another thing entirely to see me at the front gate this morning just clicking the clicker to get your numbers and audibly say, "Shit, it's her." Ditto to the sneering, rolling eyes, and generally unfriendly and unpleasant looks and attitudes most of you sent my way as you came in for the thirty minutes I was there to break someone else.

...I seriously wanted to cry. Congrats, asshats. You've finally brought me to that special milestone of customers sucking that much.

I tell my customers that I get off work at 5:30 Eastern Time even though I work until 6. This is because most of my customers are in CA and this gives me a half hour to resolve issues called in at the last minute. It just seems wrong to me to tell a customer who calls in at 5:55 that I can't help them until morning because I'm not approved for overtime.
( Read more... )
Theno

Dear businessbitch:

When I answer the phone by saying, verbatim: "CircuitBoard, this is Tony," please do not ask for "Tina* the manager" or any other person who doesn't work here. This isn't the tax office you thought it was, as was made obvious by my greeting. Clean the mud out of your ears.

Also, when I tell you who the manager is, ask you who you're trying to reach, and then GO OUT OF MY WAY to repeat the name of the store? Don't yell at me saying I'm wrong. Cause, y'know, I'm NOT.

DIAF,
-Tag


*Name changed to protect the innocent. I feel sorry for the person this lady was calling for, whoever she is.

I had a table of five tonight.

When the daughter goes to eat her salad there's a piece of ... something ... in her rolled silverware. Which is icky, I get it, so I apologize, take the offending set away and bring out a fresh set immediately. Everything fine after that, they eat their salads, their food comes out. Everything's great. In point of fact, they tell me I'm "wonderful".

The daughter eats everything on her plate, and even mentions how stuffed she is. I bring out there bill, and go. I come back to check on them, and they ask to see a manager, but "Not to worry; it has nothing to do with you."

I figure fifty/fifty chance of a complement to the restaurant or something wrong/disgusting in the bathroom, and go get the manager.

Turns out that the silverware issue was "disgusting" (I agree there...) and "ruined her daughter's meal" (wait, what?) and their server "never brought clean silverware" (So, they ate with the dirty silverware?).

So my manager voids the daughter's meal, because she can't just call them liars to their faces. Well, I can certainly say it on the internet: They are lying liars that lie!

So I take out their new bill, smiling my fake I-want-to-yell server smile and tell them to enjoy the rest of their evening. When they state again, "Don't worry, that had nothing to do with you."

HOW DOES THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!?! Aside from the fact that they, you know, blamed me, I now have a void under my name (which are inevitable, but can cause problems if you get too many), and, if my manager had believed them, and if she thought it was a large enough breach in customer service, could have gotten me written up.

TL;DR: Woman tells me not to worry as she uses me as an excuse for a free meal.


EDITED to fix spelling.

There was a guy in our store a few days ago who let his daughter go pick out movies and stood up by the counter for a while and talked to us.
Everything was cool he was talking to us about how he had taken his daughter to the fair and it had cost him $75. I said "Wow that's a lot. You could have taken her to Six Flags for less than that and they have a lot cooler rides."
We'd been talking to this guy for about 20 minutes at this point and nothing in his prior speech prepared me for him to say "Oh we don't go to Six Flags anymore. There's too many of the Hispanics"
My coworker and I just kind of look at each other like "What?" but the guy clearly does not catch that and keeps going.
"I'm an old fashioned kind of guy. I'm a lion and I want to hang out with other lions. I don't need any zebras coming up to me trying to make nice. Zebras aren't friends with lions, lions eat the zebras. And the monkeys just play off to the side."
Then he started ranting about the Jews and I don't remember exactly what he said about them but it was something about how they think they're too good for "us".
Finally his daughter came back and he left and my coworker and I just kind of looked at each other and started laughing because that had come out of nowhere.

Another unrelated annoyance is that we close at 10 and we always have people coming in just as we're closing and if there's still other people in the store we'll let them in. When we get to the last customer currently in the store we start telling people that they can't come in.
On Monday as our last customer was walking out the door and I was walking around to lock up a guy and his girlfriend walk in.
I say "I'm sorry sir we were just about to lock up" and he says "Oh that's ok" and just walks right past me into the store. NO IT IS NOT FUCKING OK! I said we're closed not "We would be closed but now you're here so we would LOVE to stay open an extra ten minutes so you can get your movie." It was just incredibly rude.

Recap: I work in a mall, at an ice cream parlour which is one of a chain of stores around New Zealand and Australia. Beyond that I'm not sure if we exist to the world. Anywho. As far as head office is concerned, our store is squeaky clean. We do everything by the book.

( If only I could sic Bateman on her )

tl;dr : Lady got mad cos her son got exactly what he ordered, customers bitched about prices. What else is new.

So, I work at restaraunt who's name involves a certain jewel and a day of the week...

( Can you BE any more of a bitch, lady? )

:/ Needless to say, this bitch needed to go die in a fire.

I work at an animal hospital.


Client calls. I'm sure my coworker gave her tude, so I think this is pretty funny. (Most of the time she deserves the sucks that come her way)


Client says, "You don't even have a college education--I bet you can't even wipe your own ass!"

This happened the other day around 4:00 in the afternoon. It was oddly slow in the coffee shop. My (extremely lucky) co-worker is sitting outside on her lunch break.

A woman comes into the shop on her cell phone. I look at her and smile as to acknowledge her and let her know I’m ready whenever she is, but not interrupt her phone call, which I’m really hoping she will finish before letting me know what she’d like. She is standing there on her phone, looking at the menu, not making any indication whatsoever that she is ready to order.

So, trying to be polite (how dare I), I began cleaning the espresso bar, so I won’t just be standing there awkwardly, but still be facing her. I look down briefly to wipe under the bar, and I look up (literally about five seconds later) to see her looking at me like I’m making her wait, phone still to her ear, but pulled away from her mouth.

( This is where it gets good. Well, bad. Really bad. Cut for looong interaction of suck. )

I think this might be one of my most degrading experiences ever with a customer. Ever.

Dear Dumbass in scrubs who isn't a nurse and misplaced her brain,

Ok, I understand that "Assisted Living" facilities don't have a complete medical staff on hand, but they do have to have someone who can take vitals and hand out pills. Don't tell me in a snooty tone that "we don't do vitals here because we're assisted living." You just told me the doctor is in, why didn't he take vitals? Didn't he see the lady clutching her stomach and crying in the medical office?

"Well I don't know, when I came on shift they told me she needed to go to the hospital, that's all I know."

Do you know anything about her? "Only what's on the paperwork." Did you ask her questions about how she feels? "She doesn't speak much English, only Spanish and Portugese."

Lady, I don't speak a word of either and I figured out what was wrong with her through basic hand gestures and 3 word sentences. She has lower left quadrant crushing abdominal pain. Well Renal Insufficiency + Constipation + not having pooped or peed in over 5 days = FUCKING ABDOMINAL PAIN!

And don't you dare tell me to "please not take a blood pressure in the hallway so not to disturb the other residents." The fact that this lady is crying and you haven't done a damned thing to help her is more important than the other residents, who are by the way walking by without bothering or talking to us. I am not leaving until I take a good set of vitals, you know, that thing that you "don't do" here?

No love,

Ari, the fed up EMT

I work in a drug store.

Dear customers,

We're happy to provide baskets for you to use to make shopping easier. However, when you are finished with them, they do not go:

-on the counter
-in front of the counter
-in the aisles
-on top of the carts in the cart return
-right by the gate that we use to get to the registers (I love tripping over them. Really.)
-the Tastykake display (seriously, what did the Tastykakes do to you, besides provide you with delicious awesomeness?)

They go where you picked them up - in the vestibule, in the little contraption that says "Baskets for your shopping convenience."

Yours,
Nebs

My sister told me this after she came out of RiteAid

Apparently, the woman in front of her was trying to pick up her perscription.
The following Ensued.

Pharmacy Cashier: I'm very sorry, we don't have any in stock, I put an order in for it, it should be ready tomorrow around 11.
Angry Woman: I won't even BE AROUND then!! [inserts sounds of huffing and puffing, and groaning, etc.]
My Sister ((In her head)): Ok, lady, you sound like you're having a hernia, and trust me, that will NOT help the situation. If you stop yammering about it, that MIGHT help.
PC: I'm very sorry--
AW: When WILL you be open 'til!!?!
PC: Nine.
AW: Well I GUESS I'll be in then!! *Huffs and puffs out*
PC: "Okay..."

I mean, I understand not being pleased that your meds aren't in. But if they're out of stock, what can they do besides put an order in, and have it ready as soon as possible? Which, is exactly what the girl had said she did. There was no reason for this lady to start having an attitude.

I kind of wish that my sister had said what she was thinking out loud, but I guess that would have been her own suck, then, hmn?