The Cult of Gobo

Oh holiest of days

2004-10-26T23:20:17Z

Greetings Friends,

It is I, The Magnifical Trash Heap.
I appear to you on this, the most triumphant of all days to bring you a joyous gift..
Let us rejoice in our good fortune....and SING!

Hip hip hip hip hooray!

Ministry

2004-08-25T20:22:10Z

Good day all my brothers and sisters in Gobo. I have received word from Gobo. I feel the matter is urgent and I must share the word of Gobo:

Lo and thou shall join Myspace and preach to the masses. Bring fraggle to the fraggle-less and show them that I am the way, the truth, and the light. In the name of the Uncle, The Nephew, and The Holy Post Card.

OMGobo

2004-08-13T06:25:08Z

Someone put Wembly in a Jar!

Like a mighty puppet army

2004-06-08T19:40:07Z

Friarpuck, The Cult of Gobo is with you today on your most holy of pursuits.
May Gobo smile on you and bring you good fortune.

And lots of money and nachos.

In the name of the Uncle, the Nephew, and the Holy Post Card.

I pray

2004-05-27T16:28:10Z

Dearest Gobo,

My Mother-In-Law is going thru surgery today, please protect her and all that love her during this trying time. Give us Strength to last through the day and the hard times ahead, and give us good news!

Ps. i have forwarded this prayer to your friend Jesus so he can help too.

In the name of the Uncle, the Nephew, and the Holy Postcard. AMEN

BREAKING NEWS

2004-05-18T20:11:34Z

THIS IS A GNN SPECIAL REPORT

Our top story this afternoon is breaking news. Sources from within the COG compoud have revealed in a public statement that in fact mean people, are not allowed to eat fruit salad.

No further details are available at this time but please stay with GNN for coverage of this developing story.

BREAKING NEWS

2004-04-16T18:35:06Z

Scandal has hit the rock. A spokesmen for The Jim Henson Company has confirmed that well known adult entertainer Wembly "Pickle Nose" Fraggle has in fact tested positive for HIV.

Authorities have moved quickly to quarantine the Dirty Fraggle but many fear the effects are already devastatingly far reaching.

Wembly's latest leading lady Red "Of Course They're Real" Fraggle has also tested positive. Red, a relative new comer to the scene has only appeared in 3 films with other muppets.

GNN spoke this morning with one of Wembly's co star's and an oldtime industry favorite Fozzy Bear. Mr. Bear spoke about his work with Wembly and Red and stated that he thought, "they both seemed like huge sluts".

"Frankly I blame puppeteers. I mean, what do you expect from a group of muppets who have a fist up their hoo dilly all day?"

The Jim Henson Company continues to quarantine stars as the virus continues you surface among what authorities are calling the 1st and 2nd generation of infections.

GNN has also received information that a full list of quarantined stars will be released at a press conference later today.

Please stay with GNN for updates on this continuing story.

Good Luck!

2004-04-14T15:20:17Z

friarpuck </span>, Gobo will be with you today in all your endeavors. High priestess Moki wishes you well. She'd wish you luck too, but you don't need that, cos you're just THAT good:)

GNN NEWS ALERT

2004-03-04T18:08:28Z

Dangerous New Virus Threatens Homeland Security

"I got it from a chat room.", explained leader of Parliament Friar Puck. "I thought I was just having a good time. I like to hang out in chat rooms and on message boards. Especially Mr. T fan forums!"

While exchanging messages, Puck witnessed what he felt was the harmless exchange of what chatters refer to as a friendship waffle. The waffle however turned out to be not quite what it appeared. This waffle was in fact, a Phony Waffle.

Phony, or Fake Waffles, now account for 25% of all failed jokes in the US. More disturbingly, the Fake Waffle virus can develop into a fatal condition called Bad Joke Syndrome or BJS. Individuals who come in contact with a Phony Waffle may not notice symptoms immediately. It can take as long as a few hours to a few years for the virus to manifest and become symptomatic.

Classic symptoms of the BJS may include:

-Sudden or unexplained loss of quality in humor

-The need to present others with items of food or beverage and then shout “HA HA FAKE (WAFFLE)!”

-Use of the phase “you got served”

-Unexplained cravings for focaccia bread

-Insomnia

cultofgobo @ 2004-02-20T10:09:00

2004-02-20T18:07:31Z

Ms. Condoleezza Rice
Public Relations
CultofGbbo

Dear Ms. Rice:

Anything covering the discussion of gay rights immediately links itself to Mr. Rodriguez. We are all anxiously awaiting the day he is comfortable enough to come out and publicly announce his love of the cock.

Had your post been in reference to a topic which had nothing to do with Mr. Rodriguez's rights, we would have not been so free in our discussions of his sexuality.

I apologize for any distress this may have caused you.

Gobo is God : Further Proof

2004-02-16T10:14:31Z

The evening before last diablorobitica and I were discussing my eternal quest for a pants-free world. We then realized that Gobo wears no pants...ever! And no one ever seems to notice this. Even when the old man found out about the Fraggles he never once complained about Gobo's lack of pants! How wise and wonderful our Lord is. He has heard the cries of those who long for pantslessness and has taken up the torch of leading us. Blessed be his name

GNN REPORT

2004-02-04T21:38:25Z

Our top story at this hour, the developing story of a cherished leader fallen ill.

If you are just joining us, Cult of Gobo High Priestess and EPE Holy Roman Empress Moki has suddenly fallen ill of a mysterious malady.
Original reports suggested that the disease may have been passed carelessly within the ranks of high ranking officials. However, after further investigation, all charges of misconduct or negligence were dismissed, and the IBI is no longer considering Culticnutgrabbr "a person of interest".

The focus of the investigation now turns to the possiblity of an assassination attempt on The Empress. Top researchers from the COG and EPE have found that many of the Priestess' symptoms suggest a profile similar to that of an individual who has been exposed to the deadly poison Ricin.

Further testing will be needed to determine the source of her evilness' illness.

However the IBI is now calling Sheik Ahmed Yassin, leader of the Sock Monkey Resistance Movement HAMONK, a person of interest in the case.

Surgeon General's Special Inquiry Report

2004-02-04T19:58:02Z

Good evening folks. We're getting word that the Surgeon General's Special Commission on the Poisoning of Her Grace the Empress of the Evil Porn Empire and High Priestess of the Church of Gobo has finished its investigations and is calling a press conference to announce its findings. We're taking you live now to the press conference. Surgeon General C. Everett Koop will be delivering the results.

*cut to EPE press room*

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. As you are aware Her Grace the Empress this week came down with a severe illness which has curtailed many of her recent activities. It has been suggested that this was either an attempt on her life or the result of extreme negligence. The Minister of Information has been fingered as the root of her illness and thus this panel was formed to investigate these charges. After an exhaustive investigation this is what we have found.

The Minister of Information has been suffering from what appeared to be a similar illness to that of Her Grace. On several occaisions the Minster and The Empress where in close proximity to one another. However, upon a thorough health examination by qualified physicians we have discovered that what celticnutgrabbr was suffering from was not an illness at all but a severe allergy attack which triggered his asthma. In no way shape or form did he knowingly or negligently pass on an illness to Her Grace. The source of this illness is at this time unkown. Nevertheless Her Majesty is expected to recover fully and normal government operations should resume within the week. Thank You

*cut back to studio*

And there you have it folks. In case you just missed it the Surgeon General's Special Committee as fully exhonerated the Minister of Information from the charges of Criminal Negligence in giving Our Lady Empress the illness which has so debilitated her. We still have no word yet on what the source of this illness may be. We will update you as soon as that information is available. Stay tuned to GNN news for updates.

breaking news

2004-02-04T07:38:11Z

High-ranking officials in the Cult of Gobo have announced that they have identified Howard Dean as a sock monkey opperative. This is a factual rumor, which reached the COG information office through a complex network of dissinformation. While we have no actual proof of this fact, we have this photo....

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/image/dean.php

you be the judge

We are also releasing this video as a warning to all who worship the great evil that is the sock monkey...repent, lest this form of swift and brutal justice happens to you (a search warrant yielded three sock monkeys in her closet)

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/stfu.php

CDC Alert

2004-01-31T15:34:36Z

We interupt your regular programming for this late breaking update:

Specialists at the CDC have issued a warning concerning a dangerous bio-terrorist threat presented by the Sock Monkey Col. that been seen in and around Fullerton. The virus is known as:

recokuloculitis: Disease which makes you spew ridiculous information.

Example: That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, you must suffer from recokuloculitis.

The public is warned that if you see this man, stay more than 100 feet away. We cannot afford for this virus to spread. Please, leave this to the professionals. The pocket ninjas have extensive training in biological warfare. We will update you as information becomes available.

BREAKING NEWS

2004-01-30T23:09:20Z

GNN has just received word from embedded reporter Moki Felicia Rena Luisa Maria Gonzalez Lopez Goldberg that the infamous Sockmonkey terrorist mastermind, Osama Bin Jessie, held a public press conference last night. We go now live via satellite. Moki?

That's right Lester. It happened early this morning near midnight local time, here in the region. The usually reclusive leader of Al Sockmonkey appeared in the public square with now famous POW, Agent Starr, who he has been holding hostage for over a week now. He spoke at length for what seemed like hours about, well nothing really at all.

But then unexpectedly his rant of self propaganda turned suddenly dark.
Osama Bin Jessie announced that he would be participating in a suicide mission. The details of his plan were not fully revealed, however many reporters, as well as myself, feel he shall use the "pompous ass retard" approach.

Everyone here is praying that this horrible ordeal will soon be over, and that Agent Starr will be returned to the homeland unharmed.

Moki Felicia Rena Luisa Maria Gonzalez Lopez Goldberg, reporting live from McClainistan. Lester.

Thank you Moki. Please stay with GNN for the latest on this developing story.

Black Ops Emergency Bulletin : Starr Wars

2004-01-27T20:52:48Z

This is a GNN Special Report. We're going live GNN Wartime Correspondent Al Carbon. Al?

Al : Good afternoon. We're coming to you live from Fullerton where Black Ops forces are reporting that Operation Starr has taken an unexpected turn for the worse. Late last night it was discovered that the counter-sockmonkey operative known only as STARR has been captured by sockmonkey terrorists. Field commander Rodriguez assures us that she is safe and being held at an undisclosed location. EPE forces are rallying at this moment to prepare for a rescue operation that aims to free her from the sock monkey captivity. This is Al Carbon, GNN News Fullerton, now back to you in the studio.

Thank you Al. As you just heard Agent Starr has been captured and is being held by forces of the Unholy Sock Monkey. The EPE and the Church of Gobo are asking all able-bodied citizens to enlist their services in this fight against sock monkey terrorism. Stay tuned to GNN for updates as the events of this situation unfold.

Black Ops Report : Starr Trek

2004-01-23T15:48:39Z

Black Ops agents headed into the field last night at approximately 19:30 in search of the counter-sockmonkey operative known as Starr (and some coffee). The agents were only in the field a short while when they were surprised by Starr herself. Ms. Starr approached the team and a short conference was held with the team leader. The subject of alliance with the EPE was not broached but a general rapport was established. Our agents feel that she will be receptive to future offers of alliance.

The Office of the High Priest of the Church of Gobo asks that you send your prayers and thoughts out to our brave agents so that they may secure this prized addition to the Evil Porn Empire. Gobo Bless Us All

State of the Union

2004-01-21T02:50:39Z

Your friendly information minister again...our team of codebreakers have listened closely to the state of the union address by the evil W, and this is the transcript... "Sock Monkey, sock monkey, sock monkey....Iraq, sock monkey, sock monkey...social security...sock monkey sock monkey...."

rally behind the troops my friends....

Minister of Information's Report

2004-01-20T21:47:23Z

I these times of chaos and oranges, it is important for our troops to hear words of encouragements. The pocket ninjas have long been engaged in bringing about the final destruction of the scourge of the sock monkey, and have won a few skermishes, but the road of war is long an hard. Evidence of the sock monkey's influence is everwhere.

In Las Vegas, their counsel let to the unfortunate marraige of one Britney Spears, and her husbands subsequent refusal to simply say "Ok, so she didn't really want to marry me, but at least I got the honeymoon *WINK, WINK*"/

In Texas, people still live there, a grievous sin to the Lord Gobo

In California, our intelligence reports indicate that their is ample evidence that the sock monkey's have tried to rig the academy awards

And the most disturbing news, just this weekend a large group of sock monkeys was seen leaving the white house, and many of those identified were seen yesterday in Iowa...and there will be much woe if they succeed in four more years of the W...

Yet we do have victories to report as well.
In Iraq, a crack squad of pocket ninjas, lead by Lt. Jean de KnoughtPirate, was responsible for the torture...er i mean capture of one Sadaam Hussein.
Goboland defense minister Muerte P. Irate was able to personally thwart an attempt on the High Priestesses of Gobo's life (sorry you were not informed prior to this message ma'am).
And a crack black ops team has initiated what hopes to be a fruitful campaign in finding an underground revolutionary who has long fought a private war against the sock monkey's, one only known as Starr

These are trying times my friends, and our tiny troops need to stand strong, and your encouragement can only bolster them in their effort. Remember the lord Gobo's words:
"And those who shall sacrifice their life upon the altar of battle, those who standeth like a rock in the face of the scourge, those who giveth with every ounce of their being to defeat the Lord Gobo's one true enemy, will be greated in Heaven by 71 Virginian Vegan Virgins....." --SpankTheMonkey 4:19

Joke #3

2004-01-15T03:34:08Z

It is the year 2003 and Noah(boober) lives in the United States.

The Lord Gobo speaks to Boober and says: "In one year I am
going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all is
destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every
kind of living thing on the earth.
Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark." In a
flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark.
Fearful and trembling, Boober took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.

"Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."

Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord Gobo
saw Boober sitting in his front yard weeping.

"Boober." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?"

"Lord Gobo please forgive me!" cried Boober. "I did my best, but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit for
construction and your plans did not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans.
Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices.

Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to
get a variance from the city planning commission.

I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl.
I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me
catch any owls. So, no owls.

The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union.
Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.

When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of
each kind aboard. Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the
conduct of the Creator of the universe.

Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe. Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless,
unbelieving people aboard!

The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a recreational water craft."

Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since Gobo is flooding the earth, it is a religious event, therefore unconstitutional. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 years!" Boober wailed.

The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm.

A rainbow arched across the sky. Boober looked up hopefully.

"You mean you are not going to destroy the earth,

Lord?" "No," said the Lord Gobo sadly. . ."The government already has."

Happy Joke Day!

2004-01-14T22:46:24Z

And on the 10th day of the 1st month it came to pass, just as the prophecies had foretold, that Gobo was born onto this world.
The people rejoiced and brought gifts to celebrate the arrival of the Lord Gobo and named the day Gobomas.
Now this was a long time ago, before high-speed internet connection, or even the the ancient dial-up. Because of this, news traveled very slowly and some did not reach the Holy Land of NYC until 4 days later. When they did reach the city all the shops were out of gifts and all the holiday cheese (traditional food product of worshiping a new born spiritual ruler)had gone bad.
So those who arrived late had no other choice but to entertain the tiny fraggle with jokes. From that day forth the day was known as Joke Day.
In honor of Gobo, please post your joke in praise.

Official Joke Day Joke #1:
Two muffins are sitting in an oven. The first muffin says, "Man its hot hot in here."
And the second muffin says, "Holy crap! A talking muffin!"

May he live forever

2004-01-13T11:56:15Z

Please tell me that Gobomas was celebrated properly on Saturday, despite the abscence of the high priestess and event planner?

And don't forget brothers and sisters, Wednesday is Joke Day!!
I've got great one to tell:)

Fear not the striped one

2003-12-20T12:11:26Z

The beast emerged from the lake of fire. Shrieking a terrible song of self proclaiming glory.
Still burning from the flames of hell, his black pelt was aglow in bright orange stripes. I cowered from the beast, this terrible tiger from the underworld beneath the rock.

Then my ears filled with the voice of Gobo, 'Cower not before this false god. He is but a worthless servant to me. I cast him below for his insolence. You shall never fear nor respect this creature of Dysny.'

I faced down the monster with the power of my conviction in our Lord Gobo and named the beast to show my power over it. From that day forth he was known as Tigger.

Mat 14:11

BREAKING NEWS!!!

2003-12-16T21:15:47Z

This just in...
Sources close to the Lord Gobo himself as well as a key Cult of Gobo Priestess have revealed that MIguel Esteban Rodriguez, does in fact like the cock.
Please stay tune to this LJ for further bulletins as events warrant.

The Cult of Gobo

Oh holiest of days

Ministry

OMGobo

Like a mighty puppet army

I pray

BREAKING NEWS

***BREAKING NEWS***

Good Luck!

GNN NEWS ALERT

cultofgobo @ 2004-02-20T10:09:00

Gobo is God : Further Proof

GNN REPORT

Surgeon General's Special Inquiry Report

breaking news

CDC Alert

*BREAKING NEWS*

Black Ops Emergency Bulletin : Starr Wars

Black Ops Report : Starr Trek

State of the Union

Minister of Information's Report

Joke #3

Happy Joke Day!

May he live forever

Fear not the striped one

BREAKING NEWS!!!

BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS