And cue the return of my dramatic, cryptic laments. This is going in a bad direction. [30 Aug 2008|01:54am] kalamar [ mood | confused ] Ican't stand it. There's no way to win. This is exactly the way I always go; exactly what makes me lose control of my mind. If I do the wrong thing, I'm letting down a whole world of people and rules. If I do the right thing, I'm letting down one of the most important people in my life. I could be in so much trouble for sitting on the sidelines and watching laws and rights be violated, or I could hurt someone I love. I don't know which one is worse. It's a sick, twisted catch-22. I don't know what to do. Even before this situation arose, I've been feeling that hole in my chset. It's not open yet, but the cover's being stretched thinner than normal. I guess it's always going to be there, isn't it? I know, it's never really over. It's a stupid, pointless war between enemies that never should have been. What if it explodes again? Could it be as bad? Does it even matter, if it does come back, how bad it'll be? I don't have the means this time, or the detailed framework. I have that on my side. I'm like an addict in some ways. I'm bound to lapse here and there, I suppose. I don't have twelve steps to resolve it with though. I should call back, set it up just in case. I hate when I post like this, and I know you do too. No one should be allowed to post their overthought, sleep deprived, biased, drama fueled ideas at this time of day. I should sleep on it. I've already cost someone a night of sleep. Maybe it's not to late to fix that... Who am I kidding? It is too late. I never get it right. post comment

[29 Aug 2008|10:17pm] kalamar Update: My job can be really stupid, but working with people like Annie and Mo makes me feel sane. Or, more insane, but at least like I'm not alone in it. I'm reading the Twilight books after much interenet buzz. After 3 and a half, I can say a few things: The first one was the best, and it's gone downhill in order since then. I'm getting bored with parts of it. Also, I'm still fucking terrified of vampires. Sorry Edward and Bella, it's a bit freaky. I get it he's the perfect boy...oh, wait, no he's not, cause he'a fucking vampire! Anyways, it's very obviously young adult reading, and I'm discouraged to say that I've out grown this particular story, for now. Now, Harry Potter? No one gets away from that one. I'll give it til the end of the last book then I'll tell you if it's still pretty not that good. May save you a few hours. Nancy leaves early like every night now. Seriously, two in a row? Wow, dude. First of all, she's getting nasty to be around. She's doing all her little mean comments followed up by a "...just kidding!!" Example: I left the med room door open while we were all sitting at the nurses' station yesterday. I was looking on the computer for updates on my classes. Kimmy started to walk away. Nancy saw that the door was open, and says "Who left the door open again? It must have been that Dorothy. She's ignorant as the day is long. Oh, opps, didn't know you were sitting right there, hahahaha....just kidding" Seriously, who says that? You should have heard the story she told us about her mom dying!! She told us she was stoned, got called by her brother to come pronounce her mom, smoked another before going, pronounced her, then used the money in her dead mom's wallet to buy her and her friends "pizza and Bicardi". Yeah, this is a nurse. Ew. Just venting, obviously, but come on now. I get sick of it. Had a great talk with Mo about an hour ago, regarding something that's been bugging me a lot lately. Apparently it's been getting to more people than I thought, which, for some reason makes me feel quite a bit better than I had been about it all. Apparently, at least someone's listening. I guess I'm not totally beating a dead horse, even though I feel like I am most of the time. I've been suggested to tip off the BON...who knows, I might. post comment

IF Whispers 4 released [26 Aug 2008|02:56pm] mcmartin They say IF authors have trouble self-promoting with a straight face. This is true. So, a *cough* humble announcement, as a large collaborative project I've been helping with finally hits release. You've uncovered the mind-shattering secret of The Corn Identity. You kept enough of your wits about you to pull off An Escape to Remember. And then you slept it off in the House of Dream of Moon and lived to tell the tale. But What happens in Vagueness... ...stays in vagueness. In a world where IF authors collaborate, three times wasn't enough! Join a cast of thousands hundreds nearly a dozen authors, as they work together to bring you on a thrilling tale of... well, something. What Happens In Vagueness is the fourth of the "IF Whispers" games, in which a group of authors collaborate serially on a game. Each author is only permitted to see the contribution of the immediately previous writer. Thus, a variety of shocking swerves and bold plot twists await your every move! You'll laugh. You'll cry. You probably won't have to sourcedive to beat it. PLAYING EVERYWHERE Z-CODE IS INTERPRETED (The home page for the project is at the organizer's home site - the IF Archive is currently processing the submission and it will be available from the IFDB, IFWiki, etc. in due course.) (The game itself is a "zblorb" file, which is packaged Z-Code. To play it, use WinFrotz on Windows, nfrotz for modern Unix/Linux systems, or Zoom on the Mac.) post comment

"How do I describe her..? Ah, she's the Michael Phelps of psychiatric problems." [26 Aug 2008|09:32am] kalamar [ mood | crazy ] [ music | Jimmy Eat World-Big Casino ] I'm still alive. I took off so many stupid orders, but I lived to tell the tale. So what if I slept 14 straight hours after? And how dare people wake me so early. Really folks, people underestimate what prime sleepy time 1415 is. I'm never going to look at chicken sandwiches the same way again. You know why? Cause we take things a step at a time. This is why we don't have friends. All I wanna do is (BANG BANG BANG BANG!)And (KKKAAAA CHING!)And take ya' money. I'm so down on that. Don't pretend like it's true. eHarmony commercials make me giggle. What will computers learn to simulate next? I think window lock was the worst invention ever. I'm looking at you, Anna. That really doesn't leave much to the imagination, you know? And I'm so down on that too. 1 comment|post comment

"I'll tell you what she looked like: Little head, short and squatty, all ass and no body!" [24 Aug 2008|03:44pm] kalamar [ mood | exhausted ] 32 hours later.... Remind me next time that, if I'm going to double back, only do it one time, not twice in a row. I'm ready to drop. Tucker says I can leave at 2100. That way I can get home early and rest. And plus, Jeanne wrote herself into the schedule to come in at nine. So, this way, I won't have to deal with her. Pretty tight, I know. You know what else is pretty tight? Using the term "tight". Yeah, you know it. Anway, my paycheck for this pay period is what's going to be tight, really. I needs dollars. Besides, it's good for me to work. Otherwise I'd just sit around...dick around on the computer...spend time with my horsie and kitty and various other pets/family members...socialize....you know, have a life. Can't have that, now can we? The extra 24 hours this pay period will really really help. My car's paid off...but Holly's isn't. Plus vet bills, rent, board....Fucking hell I miss being little and it being ok to be broke as fuck. I'm a little bummed that the Olympics came and went without me getting to see any of the equestrian events/ Granted, the US didn't really do anything special, but I'd still have liked to watch it. Gives me something to pretend Clocker and I could do someday. I bet he could totally clear those fences....I just couldn't. I never was a good jumper. The end, dinner break post comment

[24 Aug 2008|05:18am] sertrel Oh, I feel like hell. I ended up watching the entire Olympic gold medal game in men's basketball, United States vs. Spain. Tipoff was 2:30pm in China, 2:30am here. GOOD NIGHT! 5 comments|post comment

[22 Aug 2008|06:26am] mizufae I have been negligent of my eljay comments. Re: the birthday post~ What was the most interesting/weirdest dream you ever recall having? I have really vivid, extremely memorable dreams all the time, at least four times a week, if not more. My life is not nearly as interesting or as terrifying as my dreams. So this is very hard to judge. One time though, I definitely fell asleep in my basement during a sleepover when we had been playing some final fantasy or another, and watching Utena, and I dreamt that I am my friends were in a train that was on a roller coaster and the train was possessed! by evil clown tings! it was an evil clown roller coaster train! And we had to fight through each car all the way up to the engine where we exploded it omg! The one was pretty cool, I think I had a buster sword, too. What is your favorite anime? There are so many. The test of time has left me with a few enduring favorites. I would say Sailor Moon, but my favorite version of Sailor Moon is the live action version [seriously guys it is THE BEST]. Kimigura Orange Road is my "I'm old school hardcore" favorite. My current and likely to be most long term favorite anime of all time ever is Tengan Toppa Gurren Lagann. In terms of all japanese animation however, I'm going to go with Howl's Moving Castle, I mean you really can't go wrong there. Oh, and princess tutu, which I will always love forever. And there are a lot more that are a lot less girly! And more girly, like ouran host club! I just like anime, okay? Jeez~ BONUS SECTION: rae sez: ewww... coke zero? really? tristyn sez: Bite your tongue, ma'am! Coke Zero is the official beverage of our ex-apartment. I sez: really? REALLY? Have you tasted the stuff? And also, why are YOU drinking things that have no calories, when you need all the calories you can get? And also, eeeeew, Seth left like three quarters of a bottle of that stuff in my fridge and the second he left I dumped it down the drain. And then the drain disintegrated. And so did our plumbing. And all the flowers and yard space the pipes ran under in our whole neighborhood withered and died. The End. 1 comment|post comment

[21 Aug 2008|05:44pm] kalamar [ mood | amused ] Effing work computer won't let me on Facebook or on my friends page. How's that for shoddy workmanship on its' part? Today has thus far been what scientists call a 'cluster fuck'. Doubt that it'll change, but, what the hell, I may write later anyways. post comment

[20 Aug 2008|07:45pm] mizufae [ music | Moi, mon âme et ma conscience - Paris Combo ] Oh man, photoshop was being *such* a bitch! But mon_starling, I now have Little Women circa Winona Rider Movie icons for you, nine of them to be exact: Welcome To Sepia Tone Land 7 comments|post comment

"What does ADD mean?" "Attention Defecit....Ducks! Look, ducks!!" [19 Aug 2008|11:05am] kalamar [ mood | sore ] [ music | Shakira-Hips Don't Lie ] Fuck fuck fuck. I just shut my goddamn thumb in the door and it hurts like a bitch. I'm so not feeling work today. I'm sick of shit--both wiping it up and being treated like it. Sometimes, I just feel like I wasting my time and wasting my breath. There's so much wrong with the healthcare system, it's scary. If you knew what your health meant to most of them...let's just be honest: All it comes down to is money and ego. Your personal health is trivial, so long as they get paid and can say they were the ones that fixed you. Trust me, I see it everyday. Sure, I need the money. But i'm never going to say that I fixed someone or that I healed them. That's something they did on their own, and it's demeaning to take credit away from them. Anyway, didn't mean to get into such a long rant. Just frustrated. Clocker's foot is still a little tender, but it seems much better. He's picking it up normally now, rather than cranking it out to the side. He's sound on it too. I should be able to start riding him again soon. I just don't want to push him. Cammie was nice today. Even her shitty stifle joint seemed better. At least things with the ponies seemed pretty sunny. Oh my god, my fucking thumb, kids. My pill punching thumb and all. I don't know how I did it, so don't ask. But I really slammed that sucker in there. It's all red and hot and throbby. Also, ooooooouuuuuch. 2 comments|post comment

"Wait...am I thinking of Mark Spitz or Tom Sellock??" [18 Aug 2008|03:03am] kalamar [ mood | okay ] [ music | Lupe Fiasco-Superstar ] 1) I had a fun time in Boston with my girls. And I got to see my MER, which is essential to my happiness. It was a lovely few days, really. Nice to get away. Even if it does mean coming back to face reality. I'd really rather just live in Nordstrom in my mind. 2)I enjoy watching the Olympics. I love that it's in China. I'm into the art and scenery and all that. I have been for ages, but it's cool to see so much of it. I do wish they'd show more of the equestrian events. I'm very happy for the girls who did so well in individual gymnastics. Especially since the judging was so shitty. Shawn Johnson is just fucking adorable. And with a name like Nastia, that girl deserved something nice to happen to her. Seriously, Nastia? Poor thing. I'm happy for Michael Phelps. Poor kid must have been under so much pressure. And you know everyone would be so pissed/disappointed if he didn't do it. I attribute 50% of his success to having personal ass-shakers. MER's right...they don't need to show everything. It must be weird to have everyone you know (and don't know) watch some dudes jiggle your booty live in front of cameras. That being said, I still had fun watching it. 3) Clocker's foot is still a bit swollen and sore. He ain't letting it get him down though. Mostly because it means he doesn't really have to work. He's loving his pasture time with Cammie. Cammie's pacing a lot less in the past few days. We're wondering if it only gets really out of control when she's in heat or something. We'll have to keep close track. I'll have to post a picture of Clocker that Anna took. It's gorgeous. All four feet off the ground at a gallop. He's amazing. Even if you hate horses, you'll want him. But you must not touch. No sign of stupid cunt number one. And stupid cunt number two moved her horse, yet has been back to NHF twice now. I don't know why. She has no business here. 4)My kittes are so silly. Also they snuggle really good. They're the only boys I know who do. I take what I can get. 5) I have to be back at work in 12 hours and I'm so not ok with that. Holly's out on maternity officially. I hope she's doing ok, and I'm psyched to meet Liam. Let me tell you, they'd best have fixed that damn schedule. Cause if I'm being bumped for a bitch who quit and came back to get my spot, than fuck the Wood. That's such a load of BS that I might go fcking nuts on Sue Fortin. I really might. Why should I be punished for that brat leaving? And why she should be rewarded? Not ok, by any means. I might punch someone in the neck this afternoon. I'll keep you updated. post comment

[17 Aug 2008|03:25am] mizufae It's my birthday! I am twenty four years old. You should all buy me things. Also, because this post is entirely about me myself and I, all of the comments must include something you think is awesome about me, or something you would like to know about me, and I will endeavor to answer. ME! HOW GLORIOUS IT WAS THAT I WAS BORN UNTO THIS EARTH. 11 comments|post comment

Because you're sick about hearing about Michael Phelps [16 Aug 2008|01:20pm] mcmartin [ mood | silly ] Norwegian military knights a penguin. mai_li apparently doesn't read LJ anymore, but some of you out there may still have contact with her. She should probably see this. 1 comment|post comment

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ]