Corporate Crack
It seems like everyone at the job has figured out how to manipulate the coffee machine. I thought i was doing something by telling a co-worker how to make some wake up juice. But he was like, "oh yeah, everybody does that" and proceeded to do my coffee trick. I watched as about four other people came to work, and first thing they did when they came in was make a coffee concentrate concoction. I'm like damn, that's the new corporate crack. B-B-B-But wait, it gets worse. As the day progressed, i watched as people came down off their coffee-crack high, and slowly started dragging around like zombies. By noon, you could pretty much tell who the corporate crackheads are. Because they're useless until they hit that crack again. So apparently the corporate crack machine was being serviced, and all the corporate crackheads just lingered around the breakroom, trying to be nonchalant, while they waited for their fix (see what i did there?). But it's hard to be incog-negro when there are ten other mother fuckers surrounding you, giving the maintenance guy dirty looks. So fuck it, why hide it? You know what we want. We want that corporate crack. I know you see my angry mob over here tweaking. I suggest you hurry up, mister makeshift Maytag man, before these corporate crackheads start nipping at your ass like Mike Vic's Pits. I think we need an intervention.