CUSTOMERS ARE AWFUL PEOPLE

Not really a customer suck but a suck nonetheless.

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 20:05:51 GMT

I have a rash on my butt.

Mods, feel free to delete this if it's considered off-topic. :)

PS: I would have put this behind one of those "READ MORE" things, but I don't know how.

oh my geeeeeeeeee

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 03:44:45 GMT

GUISE

I WUZ CLEENIN THE BATROOM YESTURDAY AND SOME CUSTOMER TOTALLY PAINTED A LIKENESS OF MEL GIBSON IN POOP ON THE CIELING.

OMG THIS IS HORRIBLE SERVICE

Sun, 24 Aug 2008 06:48:14 GMT

In all my years and years and years of living I've always received super duper service. Cashiers bow before me! I get key lime pie served by unicorns wherever I go. I'm just that special. Which means when things aren't so perfect, like someone staring at me, I notice and obsess over it!

The worst of all was when I turned 18!!!

A nice sum of unexpected windfall money fell into my hands. I wanted this awesome epic game of epic gameness so I went to the next town over from my home, about six miles away, to go to their store that sells video games because I wanted this epic game ever so badly and I just about had an orgasm at the thought of finally getting to play it. I acquire from the shelf a copy of the epic game of epic gameness and went up to the counter to pay.

YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS FOR THIS TO MAKE SENSE THOUGH (don't ask why I didn't say this at first): Currently, I'm 22 but I look 14 on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays. Thursday and Friday I look 16. Tuesdays I look 18. Sundays... well, I don't like talking about Sundays much. I look TEN on Sundays!

Of course, I don't have a decent form of ID, so it really sucks for my boyfriend because he can't buy alcohol with me around because cashiers always stare at me when I'm with him and decide that I must be a child and he'll give all the booze to me if they sell it to him.

This happened back when I was 18, so I really only looked 10 on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays. Thursdays and Fridays I'd look 12. Sundays, I actually looked my age! I don't know what happened...

I searched high and low, never ceasing my quest, until finally I had a copy of the epic game of epic gameness in my very hands and OH JOYOUS DAY I WAS TOUCHING IT, but I didn't come yet because it wasn't mine, so Mummy Dearest and I travel to the cash-out to purchase the game.

She stepped away a little, standing right next to me as the cashier rang up my most wondrous epic game of epic gameness.

The cashier stops to stare at me. Alas! I fear there will be no key-lime pie on a unicorn today.

"This game is rated 16+, just so you know." The cashier smiles pleasantly as they speak, as though they are happy to interrupt my streak of perfect service by insinuating that I am not old enough to purchase this most epic game.

I stared blankly in abject confusion. Was there a question as to my age? This could not be! I constantly purchase horror movies that are rated 18 and older, so it could not possibly be my age that is the issue! "But I'm 18!" I cry out, ashamed that the cashier did not trust that I had spent the proper number of years on this earth to purchase that title.

Not another word was spoken between us as I paid. He bagged the game soundlessly and handed the bag to me...

My change, however, faced a more tragic fate. It was given to Mummy Dearest, who had not been paying any sort of heed at all to our transaction and who, for all intents and purposes, did not have the apppearance of being any relation of mine whatsoever, aside from the fact that we entered the store together, walked around together, and came up to the cash together. Certainly the fact that she waited patiently for my transaction to be completed did not indicate any sort of relation between us at all, and how dare the cashier presume as such.

I resumed my blank, confuzzled stare, not daring to speak up. Finally Mummy Dearest broke the tense silence. "Why are you giving me this money? I have had nothing to do with this transaction in the least! It is my child who is purchasing the game!" She cast the money down on the counter and glared imperiously at the cashier until he handed my change to me. Again, with silence.

We left then.

EXTRA ADDITION ADDED TO THE POST AT A LATER TIME:

The rating of a game has absolutely nothing to do with the law. It's a voluntary system that game companies use to describe the content and what age groups it is considered appropriate for by a system of arbitrary rules. There is no need to provide ID to purchase a rated game, and it would not be illegal for someone under the age of 16 to purchase the epic game of epic gameness without a form of ID that proves their age.

That, and although he clearly questioned my fitness to purchase the game as I did not appear to be old enough, he never requested that I produce an acceptable form of ID to prove my current length of life.

As such, there was no possible, conceivable need to mention the rating in the first place, as every customer in search of a game will know exactly what the rating is and whether or not they are comfortable playing a game of such rating or giving the game to another person.

Sun, 24 Aug 2008 06:07:31 GMT

They're at it again!! Okay so I was at the store and this deaf and blind guy was in the line ahead of me. HE WAS SO RUDE HE TOTALLY DIDNT LOOK AT THE CASHIER OR SAY ANYTHING TO HER! HE HAD SOMEONE DO IT FOR HIM AND YOU KNOW HE'S TOTALLY AN ASS TO THE PERSON HELPING HIM!!

(on a serious note, i really hate the posts that whine about customers not talking to them. seriously, sometimes people do have off days and just don't feel social.)

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 03:52:07 GMT

OH MY GIDDY AUNT!! OH GOD! I DON'T BELIEVE THE NERVE SOME OF THESE PEOPLE HAVE!! ITS INSANE!!!! I HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT!!!! THEY ACTUALLY CAME INTO A COFFEE SHOP AND ASKED FOR COFFEE! OH GOD!!

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 17:43:54 GMT

I just called down to the front desk of the hotel I'm staying in to order a pizza. My buddy was making me a martini at the time, and it didn't look like he was making it strong enough. I said, "Yo, dude, don't be so niggardly with that gin!".

All of a sudden, the desk clerk copped a huge attitude and hung up on me. WTF?

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 15:05:11 GMT

OMG U GUISE GUESS WATTTTTTT

I GOT A NEW JOB AND I START NEXT WEEK.

AREN'T U ALL SO HAPPY 4 ME?????

I was at the grocery store last week and a guy looked at me. GOD, CUSTOMERS ARE TERRIBLE.

True story, friends.

Sat, 02 Aug 2008 18:50:59 GMT

I was at the local convenience store, filling up on my all-organic, pesticide-free, locally grown, unpasteurized, unprocessed, gluten-free, salt-free, trans fat-free, buy-one-get-one-free, flavor-free fruit. As I was waiting in line (a bad_service for a later day!!!!!!11), I saw this happen:

Me: ME!!!
EB: Not sure what this stands for but I see it everywhere, so I'm going to say it means "Eggs Benedict"
C: Cashier of my line

C: Let's see, that's four wine spirits; eight packs of Heineken beer; bloody garden shears; the severed head of Walt Disney; and one copy of season one of The Golden Girls. That'll be $xx.xx, please!
EB: (Hands over a $5 bill.)
C: I'm so terribly sorry to impose this upon you, good sir, but you seem to have given me merely a five-dollars bill when your total came out to five times that amount!
EB: (In a voice that thundered like Thor's hammer, itself) ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR?
C: Of course not, sir! I merely think you produced the wrong bill from your alligator skin wallet that's still covered in reptile blood.
EB: YOU'RE CALLING ME A LIAR!!

At this point, EB climbed up on top of the conveyor belt, grabbed hold of his collar and began punching him in the face over and over. How gauche!

C: (Inbetween punches to the face) I seem to have offended you, sir, and for that I apologize. Shall I summon my manager to give you a discount?
EB: YOU SNIVELLING SON OF A PIG-FACED, POX-INFESTED WENCH! HOW DARE YOU PRESUME THE CUSTOMER TO HAVE MADE A MISTAKE! I WILL THWART THEE SO HARD YOUR GRANDMOTHER WILL CRY OUT IN PAIN!
C: My grandmother is dead, sir!
EB: ALL THE SAME!

Then EB threw C onto the conveyor belt, ripped his pants off and began to rape him viciously as everyone in the line sighed angrily and tapped their feet.

As for me, I was beginning to get annoyed. I will stand for physical abuse because, let's face it, that's what every good retail monkey needs now and then, but sexual assault? That was toeing the line, mister!

M: HALT!!
EB: (Goes still and turns to me) WHO DARES DISTURB MY RAPING?
M: You shall rape no more in this place, EB!
EB: And who are you to command such authority?
C: If you would kindly cease raping me, I can have my manager run a full background check on this alarmingly beautiful but mysterious stranger.
M: My name is lost in time, as was my species killed in the Great Time War. Now I stalk Gotham City by night and fight crime in a cape of black, while spreading love and joy from ridiculous cartoon shapes on my belly. THAT'S RIGHT, EB, I AM...
EB: No... NO!!
M: (Rips off my mild-mannered civilian costume to reveal that I am actually ***** ********!)¹
EB: No, not ***** ********! Surely my days of anger-induced beatings and rapings have come to an end!

I raised my magical sceptre high above my head and screamed "MOON TIARA MAGIC!", and a burst of light shot out of my sceptre's moon-jewel, dissolving the EB to dust. ETA: Did I forget to mention that at this point, everyone in the room began to cheer and whistle and applaud, and five complete strangers prepared a key lime pie for me on the spot?

C: (Stunned into silence at my majesty) Thank you, ***** ********! How can I ever--
M: Do you take American Express?

And that's how my superheroin alter ego saved the day.

1: My true identity is a closely guarded government secret. I'm sure you understand the need for censorship. c:

OH EM GEE

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 04:49:48 GMT

OMG GUISE! I work at a store that sells toys & video games and there was -- OMG -- A CHILD PRESENT!!! And he was all, like, verbal and shit!!!!!111!!
I was like, "WTF moo!? Tell your kid that he's not allowed to talk and shiet!" and the moo was all like "Whatever."
And then they bought a console and video game and left!!!!

MY LIFE SUCKS SO MUCH!!!!

Coupons wank

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 22:26:21 GMT

So, this bitch comes in to a store that starts with B and ends with Orders, you know, like doctors don't have them. Anyway, she comes in, and wants to use these coupons. Well, instead of politely telling her no, I decide that she either has to cough up her e-mail address for a membership or GTFO, because I don't take shit from the customers. Fuck "the customer is always right." I'M always right, and I'm TELLING YOU WHAT TO GET, BITCH!!!!

So, yeah, she gives me this shit about how she's not going to get it, and then threatens to cast a spell on me or something. Or, maybe she didn't. I'm not really sure. What I AM sure about is that she totally has intercranial pressure that's making her crazy, and that has to be why she's a witch, and therefore why she's trying to use these coupons that aren't useable at this store. I'm also sure I can't spell worth a damn, but that just makes me sarcastic, edgy, and cool.

Eventually, she gets the point, and says something rude about how I can't afford college. Uh, I have a Matsers in Engrish, bitch, ok? I don't have to take that shit from you. Now, here's the fun part where I go into minute, and incomprehensible detail about killing her.

And now I'm going to go murder some fish and watch prettiful things blow up in the sky.

TERRIBLE PET STORE SERVICE

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 19:21:37 GMT

So, I was buying some cockatiel food the other day, and the nosy skank behind the counter has the nerve to ask me how many cockatiels I have! WTF? None of her snoopy business, that's how many! So, just to be mean, I told her it was actually for an eagle.

PWNT!

Ugh. Making me do my job! How dare you!

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 05:36:49 GMT

So today I was forced to come into work, and a customer came in and no one was in the pet section so I had to go help him. I will call him PFB. Picky Fish Bitch.

PFB had the NERVE to tell me which fish he wanted, but I sure showed him. I gave him whatever fish I felt like catching, because it's not MY department, so I don't have to provide good service to him. When he told me, "Excuse me, I'd like the larger goldfish please." I said "Bitch, please. You'll take what I give you and you'll damn well like it."

PFB took the fish I had caught, but said "I would have preferred the larger orange ones like I asked for." but took them anyway. What a picky fucking bitch! How dare he make me do my job and serve a customer. I hope he catches malaria or something and dies. I worked so hard for FIVE WHOLE MINUTES trying to catch the fish he wanted.

Fucking ingrates.

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 12:20:13 GMT

I am SO TIRED of all you people with your CHILDISH LJ DRAMA!!!!!

*bursts into tears*

I AM LEAVING!!

*slams door*

*peeks back to see if anyone is watching*

Did I mention that i HATE DRAMA??

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 18:04:43 GMT

Don't you hate it when customers are too dumb to find the Argument Department and wander into Abuse instead?

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 17:07:04 GMT

I'm currently working on building a grand list of 100 of the most annoying customer habits as well as--if I can find some bases--icons to go along with the list.

And I'm not saying that all customers are idiots. Some of them are very nice, intelligent people.

bad service... because the customer's stupid

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 05:56:14 GMT

justthatclassy let someone who she knows dislikes her do her hair. And the result was (duh) bad. She deleted comments.
http://community.livejournal.com/bad_service/1721114.html

I suggested that it was stupid to let a known frenemy do her hair (and a couple of people agreed) to which she responded...

and edited her post

...don't worry she deleted that comment, too.

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 04:46:56 GMT

HIHI!

I'm a slavemonkey at the store that starts with a "wal" and ends with a "mart" and rhymes with "doll-fart" and aren't I so cute and coy why I'm so clever I could just spit. Anyway.

Today I was working in children's footware when this woman comes up to me. She's, like, 21 or something--so god knows why she wasn't in a nursing home--and she's all like "I hope you don't mind my saying so, but I really like your hair!"

YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH TO BE MY GRANDMA, LADY! I DO NOT WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU! STOP FLIRTING WITH ME!

And yesterday my math teacher handed back the homework and he was all like "way to go, Julie, you got a 95%!"

EXCUSE ME?! LISTEN, MISTER LESTER! I DON'T WANT YOUR OLD MAN DANGLY BITS! STOP FLIRTING WITH ME, OK?!

The worst part, though, was when I got home, and my hamster... he looked at me! With his eyes!

NO, PEANUT, YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX WITH ME! STOP BEING SUCH A FLIRT!

Why does everyone everywhere insist on flirting with me every minute of every hour of every day? My therapist says I'm crazy, but that's just because he's always flirting with me, too! I'm onto you, world!

ER suck

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 20:37:17 GMT

recap: emergency-room ninjapirate in a large hospital in a large city in a state that borders on an ocean the name of which rhymes with "pedantic".

Pramaedics bring this old white guy with curly hair and a mustanche in. "Looks like a stroke", quoth the paramedics.

So, of course, I ask the guy for his insurance info. (Script form for your amazement)

me: duh. *bows*
sd: stroke dude

me: Hi! I'm Doctor Condo, and I'll be your attending resident tonight! May I see your insurance card?
sd: *blank stare*
me wtf? Well, he's old, like 37 or something, so maybe he's deaf I SAID, where's your INSURANCE! CARD!
sd: urrgh. *more blank starishness*
me: Fine. I do not have to put up with this sort of abuse. Also, quit staring at me with that rapisty expression before I file charges.

I had an orderly park the gurney in a storeage room until we had taken care of all the drug seekers and welfare kids with colds. Rude customers must be taught the error of their ways!

edit the first: Oh, yeah, I'm not exactly a doctor, but I have 3 weeks of medical school.

edit the second to shut all you haters up: Maybe I should have mentioned that sd was a serial child molester with white supremacist tattoos on his forehead. Also there were WMDs in his pockets.

edit the third: I don't know who this Zorro person is, but all you kittylair minions are going to be getting a visit from the Men in Black soon. I KNOW PEOPLE!

Customers SUUUUUUUCK

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 17:21:02 GMT

Two words: Return desk.

*headdesk*

Two things;

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 11:17:35 GMT

Item the first; I cannot read your mind so don't get a "duh" tone with me when I ask what kind of coffee you want - have you seen our menu? Also, if you want sugar ask fucking sugar.

Item the second; Flush the fucking toilet when you've finished pissing. It won't take up extra time you can do it while you jiggle the remanants of urine off your stupid cock. And I know it's a male toilet but come on, seat down!

horrible service

Fri, 23 May 2008 11:15:26 GMT

I was driving to work this morning and minding my own bissnass. The light was juuust turning yellow so I stepped on the pedal and flew on through. I guess I didn't make it quite in time, because a few seconds later a cop pulled me over. Whoops, just barely in the red!

He was like, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" and I said, "Yeah, I think I ran that red light! I'm so sorry!" and then he asked for my license and registration. Uh oh, my license was actually suspended about three months ago so I really shouldn't be driving at all! He went back to his car and rifled through some crap for a while and then asked me to step out of the car. I was like, "No no no! See! I know it's illegal to run red lights and drive with a suspended license!" because when you fully know that you're in the wrong it means that people aren't allowed to punish you for doing it anymore.

So he took me to jail and made me POST BAIL. And then after that, after I had ALREADY PAID ONCE, HE MADE ME PAY AGAIN FOR THE FINE ITSELF FOR DRIVING WITHOUT A LICENSE. UM, WTF. YOU CANNOT CHARGE ME MULTIPLE TIMES FOR ONE THING YOU PRICK. OH! OH! There was even some sort of processing fee tacked on there and then, when I wanted my license back months later, I had to pay yet another processing fee just to get my license!!

GUH. I KNEW IT WAS ILLEGAL TO DO THAT BUT I DIDN'T KNOW THEY WOULD GIVE ME, LIKE, FINES OR SOME SORT OF PUNISHMET FOR IT! AND TOTALLY OUT OF NOWHERE, TOO! POWER TRIP MUCH?

EB's, in MYomelette? It's more likely than you think.

Sun, 18 May 2008 18:04:24 GMT

This may be off topic or whatever (mods, feel free to delete if it is) but I was just making breakfast this morning and noticed that all my eggs say "EB" on them. I mean I know that the brand name is "Eggland's Best" but it seems to me that that's too big of a coincidence to be an accident, KWIM? I think that someone at the company must have dealt with one too many sucky customers and started printing just what he thinks of them on each individual egg. *LOL* *G* *SMH*

NEways, just thought you might all get a laugh out of it like I did!

*EDIT* OK SINCE WE OBVIOUSLY HAVE SOME PEOPLE WHO CAN'T READ, LET ME SPELL THIS OUT FOR YOU. I SAID RIGHT AT THE BEGINNING OF MY POST THAT IT MIGHT BE OFF TOPIC BUT THAT THE MODS COULD DELETE IT. IT HASN'T BEEN DELETED YET, HAS IT!? OBVIOUSLY YOU'RE STILL READING IT, RIGHT? SO THEY MUST NOT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT SO JUST STFU AND GTFO AND ALSO DIAF. GOD, I WAS JUST TRYING TO SHARE SOMETHING TANGENTIALLY RELATED TO THIS COMMUNITY SINCE WE HAVEN'T BEEN QUITE REACHING OUR QUOTA OF 200 POSTS A DAY. JESUS!

Fakers

Fri, 16 May 2008 18:16:12 GMT

I was out shopping today and I was in such a good mood. I hadn't even kicked a puppy yet and I'd only scowled at half a dozen people so far. I think that's a record! What a deceptively pleasant way to start my day!

So I went into Bath and Body Works and when I walked in, one of the employees immediately looked me in the eye and then asked me how my day was going.

HOW DARE YOU ASSUME WE HAVE SOME SORT OF INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP. UNLESS YOU'RE MY MOTHER OR MY LOVER, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO USE ANY WORDS NOT PRINTED ON MY LIST OF APPROVED PRONOUNS. YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

I am just so fucking disgusted with going into places and having employees use pleasant, warm words with me all the time like it is some sort of acceptable behavior. None of them have ever ONCE apologized for it! They think they're so smart, but I can totally see through their smiley happy bullshit. I know their secret double-language of hate that they use to get passive-aggressive revenge on customers. Like just then, when she asked how my day was going, she really meant "I hope spiders lay eggs in your facial orifices at night." When they call you ma'am, they really mean "you decrepit pile of excrement." They mean it extra hard if they smile while they say it. Maybe I'll write a tutorial one day.

Guhhhhh why is the world such a miserable, mean place full of such unhappy creatures?? I don't understand!

If you thought THAT was annoying...

Tue, 13 May 2008 13:57:06 GMT

Recap: oppressed white upper middle class male previously exploited by large corporations, now in drug rehab But I have lots of remembered sucks and semi-remembered WTFs.

Suckage the first: When I worked at a large video chain the naming of which rhymes with "Cockthruster", this fat, black (TOTALLY RELEVANT TO MY TALE OF WOE) moo, complete with 11 (or maybe 3 or 6) condom failures in tow, approacheth my counter with movie in hand. I ring her up for the princely sum of $3.98, she hands me a twenty, and everything is fine, until I notice the damned EB is just STANDING THERE LOOKING AT ME. "Yes?" I ask, in my best customer service voice. "You owe me some money." quoth she. GOD!! I mean, HELLOO? It's only a few bucks!! Do I look like I have time to count out money so your skanky ass can go buy moar crack?? *headpalm*

Remembered WTF-ism: when I was a bartender, ppl always used to bitch if I didn't put JUST EXACTLY the right alcohol in their glass. Damned crybabies! I mean... gin, vodka, rum, tequila all look the same, amirite? how much different can they taste? I weep for the future of alcoholism.

To the old hag who always gets in my line and gives me a rapisty smile as
I ring up her stuff: give it up! You're at least 32! Stop creeping me out like that! * bleaches brain follicles*

Sun, 11 May 2008 21:21:00 GMT

EDIT TO SAY: OMG YOU GUYS ITS TOTALLY NOT WRONG TO DO THAT! WHATS WITH THE STUPID POLICY?! HOW RUDE THAT THEY WONT LET ME RETURN A GAME THAT I DIDNT EVEN BUY THERE! GIMME COOKIES AND PIE!!!IDEMANDJUSTICE!

YOU ALL SUCK! OMGFUCKINGNOOBZORZ!!