CUSTOMERS ARE AWFUL PEOPLE

OH EM GEE

2008-07-07T04:49:48Z

OMG GUISE! I work at a store that sells toys & video games and there was -- OMG -- A CHILD PRESENT!!! And he was all, like, verbal and shit!!!!!111!!
I was like, "WTF moo!? Tell your kid that he's not allowed to talk and shiet!" and the moo was all like "Whatever."
And then they bought a console and video game and left!!!!

MY LIFE SUCKS SO MUCH!!!!

Coupons wank

2008-07-04T22:26:21Z

So, this bitch comes in to a store that starts with B and ends with Orders, you know, like doctors don't have them. Anyway, she comes in, and wants to use these coupons. Well, instead of politely telling her no, I decide that she either has to cough up her e-mail address for a membership or GTFO, because I don't take shit from the customers. Fuck "the customer is always right." I'M always right, and I'm TELLING YOU WHAT TO GET, BITCH!!!!

So, yeah, she gives me this shit about how she's not going to get it, and then threatens to cast a spell on me or something. Or, maybe she didn't. I'm not really sure. What I AM sure about is that she totally has intercranial pressure that's making her crazy, and that has to be why she's a witch, and therefore why she's trying to use these coupons that aren't useable at this store. I'm also sure I can't spell worth a damn, but that just makes me sarcastic, edgy, and cool.

Eventually, she gets the point, and says something rude about how I can't afford college. Uh, I have a Matsers in Engrish, bitch, ok? I don't have to take that shit from you. Now, here's the fun part where I go into minute, and incomprehensible detail about killing her.

And now I'm going to go murder some fish and watch prettiful things blow up in the sky.

TERRIBLE PET STORE SERVICE

2008-07-02T19:21:37Z

So, I was buying some cockatiel food the other day, and the nosy skank behind the counter has the nerve to ask me how many cockatiels I have! WTF? None of her snoopy business, that's how many! So, just to be mean, I told her it was actually for an eagle.

PWNT!

Ugh. Making me do my job! How dare you!

2008-06-30T05:36:49Z

So today I was forced to come into work, and a customer came in and no one was in the pet section so I had to go help him. I will call him PFB. Picky Fish Bitch.

PFB had the NERVE to tell me which fish he wanted, but I sure showed him. I gave him whatever fish I felt like catching, because it's not MY department, so I don't have to provide good service to him. When he told me, "Excuse me, I'd like the larger goldfish please." I said "Bitch, please. You'll take what I give you and you'll damn well like it."

PFB took the fish I had caught, but said "I would have preferred the larger orange ones like I asked for." but took them anyway. What a picky fucking bitch! How dare he make me do my job and serve a customer. I hope he catches malaria or something and dies. I worked so hard for FIVE WHOLE MINUTES trying to catch the fish he wanted.

Fucking ingrates.

csbs @ 2008-06-23T07:21:00

2008-06-23T12:20:13Z

I am SO TIRED of all you people with your CHILDISH LJ DRAMA!!!!!

*bursts into tears*

I AM LEAVING!!

*slams door*

*peeks back to see if anyone is watching*

Did I mention that i HATE DRAMA??

csbs @ 2008-06-13T13:04:00

2008-06-13T18:04:43Z

Don't you hate it when customers are too dumb to find the Argument Department and wander into Abuse instead?

csbs @ 2008-06-13T13:03:00

2008-06-13T17:07:04Z

I'm currently working on building a grand list of 100 of the most annoying customer habits as well as--if I can find some bases--icons to go along with the list.

And I'm not saying that all customers are idiots. Some of them are very nice, intelligent people.

bad service... because the customer's stupid

2008-06-13T05:56:14Z

justthatclassy let someone who she knows dislikes her do her hair. And the result was (duh) bad. She deleted comments.
http://community.livejournal.com/bad_service/1721114.html

I suggested that it was stupid to let a known frenemy do her hair (and a couple of people agreed) to which she responded...

and edited her post

...don't worry she deleted that comment, too.

csbs @ 2008-06-12T00:39:00

2008-06-12T04:46:56Z

HIHI!

I'm a slavemonkey at the store that starts with a "wal" and ends with a "mart" and rhymes with "doll-fart" and aren't I so cute and coy why I'm so clever I could just spit. Anyway.

Today I was working in children's footware when this woman comes up to me. She's, like, 21 or something--so god knows why she wasn't in a nursing home--and she's all like "I hope you don't mind my saying so, but I really like your hair!"

YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH TO BE MY GRANDMA, LADY! I DO NOT WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU! STOP FLIRTING WITH ME!

And yesterday my math teacher handed back the homework and he was all like "way to go, Julie, you got a 95%!"

EXCUSE ME?! LISTEN, MISTER LESTER! I DON'T WANT YOUR OLD MAN DANGLY BITS! STOP FLIRTING WITH ME, OK?!

The worst part, though, was when I got home, and my hamster... he looked at me! With his eyes!

NO, PEANUT, YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX WITH ME! STOP BEING SUCH A FLIRT!

Why does everyone everywhere insist on flirting with me every minute of every hour of every day? My therapist says I'm crazy, but that's just because he's always flirting with me, too! I'm onto you, world!

ER suck

2008-06-11T20:37:17Z

recap: emergency-room ninjapirate in a large hospital in a large city in a state that borders on an ocean the name of which rhymes with "pedantic".

Pramaedics bring this old white guy with curly hair and a mustanche in. "Looks like a stroke", quoth the paramedics.

So, of course, I ask the guy for his insurance info. (Script form for your amazement)

me: duh. *bows*
sd: stroke dude

me: Hi! I'm Doctor Condo, and I'll be your attending resident tonight! May I see your insurance card?
sd: *blank stare*
me wtf? Well, he's old, like 37 or something, so maybe he's deaf I SAID, where's your INSURANCE! CARD!
sd: urrgh. *more blank starishness*
me: Fine. I do not have to put up with this sort of abuse. Also, quit staring at me with that rapisty expression before I file charges.

I had an orderly park the gurney in a storeage room until we had taken care of all the drug seekers and welfare kids with colds. Rude customers must be taught the error of their ways!

edit the first: Oh, yeah, I'm not exactly a doctor, but I have 3 weeks of medical school.

edit the second to shut all you haters up: Maybe I should have mentioned that sd was a serial child molester with white supremacist tattoos on his forehead. Also there were WMDs in his pockets.

edit the third: I don't know who this Zorro person is, but all you kittylair minions are going to be getting a visit from the Men in Black soon. I KNOW PEOPLE!

Customers SUUUUUUUCK

2008-06-10T17:21:02Z

Two words: Return desk.

*headdesk*

Two things;

2008-06-10T11:17:35Z

Item the first; I cannot read your mind so don't get a "duh" tone with me when I ask what kind of coffee you want - have you seen our menu? Also, if you want sugar ask fucking sugar.

Item the second; Flush the fucking toilet when you've finished pissing. It won't take up extra time you can do it while you jiggle the remanants of urine off your stupid cock. And I know it's a male toilet but come on, seat down!

horrible service

2008-05-23T11:15:26Z

I was driving to work this morning and minding my own bissnass. The light was juuust turning yellow so I stepped on the pedal and flew on through. I guess I didn't make it quite in time, because a few seconds later a cop pulled me over. Whoops, just barely in the red!

He was like, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" and I said, "Yeah, I think I ran that red light! I'm so sorry!" and then he asked for my license and registration. Uh oh, my license was actually suspended about three months ago so I really shouldn't be driving at all! He went back to his car and rifled through some crap for a while and then asked me to step out of the car. I was like, "No no no! See! I know it's illegal to run red lights and drive with a suspended license!" because when you fully know that you're in the wrong it means that people aren't allowed to punish you for doing it anymore.

So he took me to jail and made me POST BAIL. And then after that, after I had ALREADY PAID ONCE, HE MADE ME PAY AGAIN FOR THE FINE ITSELF FOR DRIVING WITHOUT A LICENSE. UM, WTF. YOU CANNOT CHARGE ME MULTIPLE TIMES FOR ONE THING YOU PRICK. OH! OH! There was even some sort of processing fee tacked on there and then, when I wanted my license back months later, I had to pay yet another processing fee just to get my license!!

GUH. I KNEW IT WAS ILLEGAL TO DO THAT BUT I DIDN'T KNOW THEY WOULD GIVE ME, LIKE, FINES OR SOME SORT OF PUNISHMET FOR IT! AND TOTALLY OUT OF NOWHERE, TOO! POWER TRIP MUCH?

EB's, in MYomelette? It's more likely than you think.

2008-05-18T18:04:24Z

This may be off topic or whatever (mods, feel free to delete if it is) but I was just making breakfast this morning and noticed that all my eggs say "EB" on them. I mean I know that the brand name is "Eggland's Best" but it seems to me that that's too big of a coincidence to be an accident, KWIM? I think that someone at the company must have dealt with one too many sucky customers and started printing just what he thinks of them on each individual egg. *LOL* *G* *SMH*

NEways, just thought you might all get a laugh out of it like I did!

*EDIT* OK SINCE WE OBVIOUSLY HAVE SOME PEOPLE WHO CAN'T READ, LET ME SPELL THIS OUT FOR YOU. I SAID RIGHT AT THE BEGINNING OF MY POST THAT IT MIGHT BE OFF TOPIC BUT THAT THE MODS COULD DELETE IT. IT HASN'T BEEN DELETED YET, HAS IT!? OBVIOUSLY YOU'RE STILL READING IT, RIGHT? SO THEY MUST NOT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT SO JUST STFU AND GTFO AND ALSO DIAF. GOD, I WAS JUST TRYING TO SHARE SOMETHING TANGENTIALLY RELATED TO THIS COMMUNITY SINCE WE HAVEN'T BEEN QUITE REACHING OUR QUOTA OF 200 POSTS A DAY. JESUS!

Fakers

2008-05-16T18:16:12Z

I was out shopping today and I was in such a good mood. I hadn't even kicked a puppy yet and I'd only scowled at half a dozen people so far. I think that's a record! What a deceptively pleasant way to start my day!

So I went into Bath and Body Works and when I walked in, one of the employees immediately looked me in the eye and then asked me how my day was going.

HOW DARE YOU ASSUME WE HAVE SOME SORT OF INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP. UNLESS YOU'RE MY MOTHER OR MY LOVER, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO USE ANY WORDS NOT PRINTED ON MY LIST OF APPROVED PRONOUNS. YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

I am just so fucking disgusted with going into places and having employees use pleasant, warm words with me all the time like it is some sort of acceptable behavior. None of them have ever ONCE apologized for it! They think they're so smart, but I can totally see through their smiley happy bullshit. I know their secret double-language of hate that they use to get passive-aggressive revenge on customers. Like just then, when she asked how my day was going, she really meant "I hope spiders lay eggs in your facial orifices at night." When they call you ma'am, they really mean "you decrepit pile of excrement." They mean it extra hard if they smile while they say it. Maybe I'll write a tutorial one day.

Guhhhhh why is the world such a miserable, mean place full of such unhappy creatures?? I don't understand!

If you thought THAT was annoying...

2008-05-13T13:57:06Z

Recap: oppressed white upper middle class male previously exploited by large corporations, now in drug rehab But I have lots of remembered sucks and semi-remembered WTFs.

Suckage the first: When I worked at a large video chain the naming of which rhymes with "Cockthruster", this fat, black (TOTALLY RELEVANT TO MY TALE OF WOE) moo, complete with 11 (or maybe 3 or 6) condom failures in tow, approacheth my counter with movie in hand. I ring her up for the princely sum of $3.98, she hands me a twenty, and everything is fine, until I notice the damned EB is just STANDING THERE LOOKING AT ME. "Yes?" I ask, in my best customer service voice. "You owe me some money." quoth she. GOD!! I mean, HELLOO? It's only a few bucks!! Do I look like I have time to count out money so your skanky ass can go buy moar crack?? *headpalm*

Remembered WTF-ism: when I was a bartender, ppl always used to bitch if I didn't put JUST EXACTLY the right alcohol in their glass. Damned crybabies! I mean... gin, vodka, rum, tequila all look the same, amirite? how much different can they taste? I weep for the future of alcoholism.

To the old hag who always gets in my line and gives me a rapisty smile as
I ring up her stuff: give it up! You're at least 32! Stop creeping me out like that! * bleaches brain follicles*

csbs @ 2008-05-11T14:19:00

2008-05-11T21:21:00Z

EDIT TO SAY: OMG YOU GUYS ITS TOTALLY NOT WRONG TO DO THAT! WHATS WITH THE STUPID POLICY?! HOW RUDE THAT THEY WONT LET ME RETURN A GAME THAT I DIDNT EVEN BUY THERE! GIMME COOKIES AND PIE!!!IDEMANDJUSTICE!

YOU ALL SUCK! OMGFUCKINGNOOBZORZ!!

Customers are so bad with time, rite?

2008-05-08T03:23:09Z

So I work at Target and we're open from 10:00am to 10:00pm.
It was just after 9:00 and I was managing the registers up front. For about five whole minutes nobody immediately walked up to me and asked to be rung out, so I decided that I should close down for the entire night because it was sort of near closing time anyways and employees should never have to stay any later than customers. So I counted out and shut down all of the registers. I even filled out all of the day end paperwork and rode to the bank superfast to drop off the deposit in the overnight box. By the time I was done shutting down every facet of the store except for the doors and lights, it was 9:40. Okay now here's the unbelievable part:

A CUSTOMER THEN HAD THE GALL TO COME UP TO MY REGISTER AND ASKED TO BE CHECKED OUT.
WHAT.

We close the doors in twenty minutes and I've already shut down everything for the entire day!! I have a bus to catch at 10:05 and now I'm not going to get home until really late because of you! I have already closed out so you're just shit out of luck! Why would you even dare to venture anywhere near a store within their last two hours of business, anyways? How EB can you get?

csbs @ 2008-05-07T13:35:00

2008-05-07T18:42:31Z

recap: helpdesk ninja. No doubt you remember that post I posted last year. *tapdances* Anyway, this is a witnessed suck from where my fiance works, well more of a witnessed WTF from where my fiance works, well, actually more of a second hand story told to a guy where my fiance works during a break outside while they were smoking a huge joint in the alley behind where my fiance works. (btw, i am engaged and me and mi awesome fiance are going to raise a bunch of sprogs who will, like us, have NO IDEA what "recap" means.

Anyway, the guy who works with my fiance used to work in a store (the big oen with consonants in the name lol) and he told my fiance that one time, this lady came in less than an hour before closing time, woke him (the guy my fiance was talking to, not my fiance lol) up, and bought some stuff. Luckily, the next person in line broke the lady's nose, so the guy who was telling the story to my awesome fiance gave the guy 11 key lime pies and some brownies that were half price cause of the mold.

PS: all you ppl that said my post isn't a suck are just 2 dum 2 get it. I weep for the future.

my life sucks

2008-05-06T22:14:01Z

Today a man, this is relevant, came into my store, paid for his goods with a perfectly good $20 note taken from a wallet that had the logo of the local golf club on it!OMGWTFBBQ!and expected me to make change!
EDIT, I had to give him the correct change you jerks, oh the humanity!

Stop interrupting me!

2008-05-02T18:37:23Z

GOD I am SO TIRED of people who come into my store and ask me questions about the stuff there! Just because I work in the store doesn't mean I've memorized the products, or know what any of them are for. I mean, it's a toy store! Do I look like a kid?

And then? When they go to the cash register? Why do they get in line when they can SEE I'm helping someone else? I mean, my god, I thought I could go post on LiveJournal for a while after this customer! Now somebody expects me to ring THEM up too!

This last woman, she actually tried to help me bag stuff! HelLOOO, I am still putting stuff in THESE five bags, why are you trying to put stuff in ANOTHER bag? It's perfectly obvious that I'm sorting your merchandise to perfection! Stop messing it up!

And then she asked to borrow my pen so she could sign the charge slip. Oh, come ON, lady, your purse is as big as Manitoba -- you've GOT to have a pen in there! Just don't make me wait while you dig it out!

God, I wish these people would stop coming into my store so I could get one freakin' minute's peace!

What elephant in what room?

2008-04-29T11:21:25Z

I work in a big box hardware store. I was at work and this woman was like,
"Haha, what's the costume for?"
I gave her a 0_o because I didn't know what she was talking about.
"Oh, he has a name tag. That's his work uniform?? Oh, weird!"
Then I realized what she was talking about. I turned to my right and there was my awesome coworker, Danny:

What a demented old bint! He has to wear a full Peter Pan outfit every single day no matter what because of his religion!! He's absolutely cannot not wear his Peter Pan outfit. My boss is okay with it, so everyone else just needs to shut their stupid pie holes and never ever ever mention it or even pretend to notice that there's a grown man wearing in green tights and glittery felt shoes cutting their lumber, okay??! So what if he gets glitter all over the lawn furniture you just purchased?? He can't help it! You wouldn't yell at him for getting Matzo crumbs on your paint brushes, would you??

It's his religion u guise. He has to. Any good Shintoist knows that you must wear the Peter Pan outfit 24/7. People are so daft. Welcome to THE WORLD NOT REVOLVING AROUND YOU, ma'am!

I mean, really!

2008-04-27T08:07:49Z

I work in a retail establishment that sells products, some of which are quite heavy.

Why, oh why, must large men buy heavy items and expect me to lift them when bagging? I'm small and helpless, but still was hired for a job in which I have to lift our products, some of which are quite heavy. Not to reinforce sexual sterotypes, but I'm tiny and they're big, so shouldn't they be doing my job for me by picking up the heavy items? I think I'll judge them because they don't have basic human respect and cater to my status as not big enough to do my job!

One for the history books

2008-04-22T21:13:01Z

I was pumping gas today and a child was crying a few cars over. The mother was rifling through a diaper bag in the front seat.
Way to ruin your child's entire life forever, shitbag.

my suffering, let me show you it.

2008-04-06T14:53:46Z

I work in DcMonalds.Today some customers came in.
SUCKIEST DAY EVA!