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you little witch
i dont know what the fuck you slipped me, or what twisted little curse you fashioned for me, but the past few months have been a fucking torturous chamber of hell.
after your letter, one misfortune after another kept piling up onto my already invaded existence. starting with that little ball of evil called jojo.
first she almost seemed bearable, sharing with me my utter contempt and cynicism for all things fake and deceptive. her cackle that rings through the cinema as they attempted to inject the world with more blindness through their saccharine dreams was absolutely divine. it cracked the bullshit apart as decisively as hammer to a pile of crap. when she sneered, it was as though a naked sunbeam slit through the ozone layer, exposing every facet of this facetious world. you even featured in some of our conversations. she cracked me up with her gravelly wit in response to your inanity and pruned journey to your own sexuality. and there is this wrinkle at the edge of her lips that winks charmingly every time fribbling is appended to your name. i wish you could have seen it.
but of course. she turned out to be another big fat fucking betrayal in this desolate existence. like all other human beings, she is incapable of honesty and integrity. the despicable mobile phone that she clutches in her hands like a life support machine keeps beeping every few seconds with messages from this and that person. claiming them to be 'friends', they turn out to be ex-sex partners, potential or realised. little midnight strolls with 'buddies' in need of help mutate into unnecessarily physical sessions. from my watch point in the shadows, i can almost smell the sweat that is oozing out of her thrill of guilt and secret pleasures. i'm sure she hugs fucking flora and fauna too when i'm not looking. seems like she is a lot more like you than i would have liked to admit.
which alerted me to your meddling, sticky fingers. if jojo is displaying characteristics so foul and close to yours, she and you must be somehow connected. i dont know which 'dating site', or 'lesbian' 'holistic' grass chewing cud bar you dug her out from, i've seen through you.
i have had enough.
for the last time. my life is absolutely perfect. peachy fucking keen. so stop prying and snooping and trying to patch holes that exist only in your sick imagination.
leave. me. alone.
Mz. Crowmoo-d swing:  angry |
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Your last message affected me on such a deep level that I fell ill and just had to leave my current path to re-discover myself. I left everything behind -- my work, my fabulous flat, the man I was beginning to fall in love with, my life -- in order to answer a question your last message has raised. A question that would potentially provide the answer to my lifelong quest for real love and commitment: Am I a lesbian?
While I must regretfully decline your obvious cry for my romantic attention and regard, I nevertheless embraced the question your unsubtle feelings for me had raised with both arms. I welcomed it when I realised that perhaps the reason why I was not finding everlasting love was because I was not looking at the right audience for my undying love. I had been too focused on finding love with men and boys. But what about women? Perhaps true love can be found with them.
Thus, I went looking for women, specifically for love among women. I started with the local lesbian bars. I have to admit that my first lesbian bar experience left much to be desired. It was filled with women in black leather and chains and tacky leather berets. While I do respect everyone's personal fashion tastes, those huge women in leather and chains simply did not appeal to me.
Well, I didn't write "The Power of Positive Thinking Gives You the Power of Love" for nothing! I refused to be disheartened by that experience, but I did realise that perhaps a more subtle approach may be appropriate for me. I had long been dabbling in the idea of writing a book on using the Internet to find love to give my work a more contemporary edge. Thus, I decided to use my venture into lesbianism as a way of doing research on online love. Hitting two birds with one stone! How absolutely brilliant!
I frequented some of the best dating sites for women and managed to "eyeball" with a few of my new-found potentials. Alas, none of them were right for me. They were all very nice ladies, of course. One of them had issues of self-esteem so I gave her free copies of my books to help her. Another one was leading such an unhealthy lifestyle so I convinced her to see my herbalist and holistic medicine man to get her health in order. A few of them did not like me very much, said I was too... effervescent for their tastes. I'm not sure exactly what that means, but like I said in my 2004 article, "Loving Begins with Self-Love", a woman must never get involved with a man (or in this case, woman) who doesn't love her totality. So I was happy to let those women go.
After a month of trying to find love among my sisters, I fell into an abyss of despair and desperation. When will I find love? Where will I ever find someone to love me?
I went on a quest for deeper self-discovery, which led me to a New Age commune in the middle of nowhere. It was an absolutely fabulous experience! Imagine living without the trappings of clothes! To eat only what was nurtured by our own hands. To live in harmony with Gaia, our Mother Earth. To embrace unclothed brothers in a dance of love.To read poetry from the heart -- I regaled them with my own poetry, of course.
I felt that this is where I was destined to be. This was the place I was created for. I could have stayed there forever, but unfortunately, our guru, Brother Moonshine, begged me to go back to my old life. He explained that the community was not prepared for my wisdom and my power, and that while it was tragic for me to leave them, they all knew that I was better off elsewhere. He suggested that perhaps I would be better off with Born Again Christians, but that the community would gladly accept any financial support I could provide.
I realised then my mission in life. To continue writing books that would help people and to earn money so that I may continue to support my heaven on earth. It is unfortunate that heaven is not quite ready for me just yet.
Thus, here I am again. Back to my fabulous old life, working on a new book. I plan to chronicle my recent life-altering experience so that it may help the poor souls out there who are looking for answers to the meaning of life and love.
I do hope my absence has not left you in despair, Mz. Crow. I hope you understand that my absence was necessary for my own growth and that it would benefit you as well. The wisdom I have gained would make me a better guide for you to the path of light and love.
your friend,
Fluffy |
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dear fb,
i noticed that you have fallen ill despite your 8 hour sleeps, and i sincerely apologise that my letter to you have caused such a violent response (trust me, this is not a smirk on my face but a rather unfortunate birth defect).
you are absolutely right. all i need right now is just a dose of good loving. how could i have been so blind? i should have realised that all those attention, the unwillingness to just leave me be, are indications of your desire for me. i am aware now, that all you want is to "grab hold of my hand" and "lead me away from the darkness". and i appreciate your subtext when you sent the homoerotic picture as a clue to your latent sexuality that you hide so well under those unassertively red bathrobe and pajama slippers set.
but! i must confess, you are not my type. i imagine us being intimate and i get an unexpected dose of nausea that is oddly, neither pleasant nor challenging as it usually is, but instead, simply rather nasty. of course, this does not reflect upon your unique charms, which i am sure in the right context, can be .. words fail me - i shall have to leave it to your capable imagination to finish that sentence. however, to continue, it is just an affective and visceral response upon which i have limited control over. rather like farting. i can suppress it, but eventually, it will want to be expunged into liberty.
so, i would advice you that you are knocking on the wrong door. i appreciate that you are letting me know you have time for "romantic relationships" in your busy schedule wasting words and subjecting trees to a secondary murder (not to mention wasting enough water and energy in the process to support a small country). alas! lucky us. the idea simply turns my stomach.
as such, thank you for the olive branch. i have made them into a nice pot of soup to feed your cold. luckily i won in pigeon football this morning, and i managed to include a bird in the stew. you know what they say, fowl cures flus.
to demonstrate my sincerity, i have also gone the extra mile and found you some potential "vani-love" more suited to your taste and disposition. not sure about your age requirement since you are a woman of startlingly, many fetishes, i have included both young and old to be safe. hope you will find some pleasure in them.
without a single fuck,
Mz. Crow
 moo-d swing:  sympathetic moo-sic: white noise from a broken radio |
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I know what you're trying to do, Ms. Crow. I know that your vitriol is a plea for love. A cry for help, if you will. And I can hear it loud and clear.
I must admit it took me a few minutes to see your message for what it really is. I can not pretend and say that the first reading of your letter did not upset me. It did. I want you to know that you hurt my feelings (so much so that I had to light some of my very own Love-under the Stars candles and make myself some blueberry pancakes just to remind myself about the good things in life).
But I have long learned to rise above my hurt feelings in order to understand the Inner Pain that most people carry around like badges and patches. Your pain is deep and not pretty, but it is not a medal of honour that you can brandish at people to show them that you do not feel anything (except anger and all things dark and gloomy). Neither is Inner Pain a shield that you can wield to protect yourself from love.
I am not giving up on you, Ms. Crow. I know that deep (perhaps very deep) down inside you is a woman who wants nothing more than to love and be loved in return. If anything, your last message only made that more obvious. I am committed to providing the map that will guide you to that beautiful place inside of you. I will continue to reach out to you until you grab hold of my hand and let me lead you away from the darkness and into the light. You may snarl and try to push me away, but rest assured, I am not going away.
Well. Now that we've have all of that out of the way (it was very cathartic to be so open and honest with each other, isn't it), I would like to address some of the points you've raised in your letter.
First, on the subject of cutting down trees to publish my book. I would like you to know that all of my books have been published on 100% recycled paper. I have too many tree friends (I hug every tree I see and try to get to know them better), to condone having my books published at their expense.
Second, I do not own a Prada handbag. I prefer Louis Vitton. They're so much more stylish and classic, don't you think.
Third, I do have a very full life, thank you very much. I do not need to "get one" as you put it. I am a very busy woman who fills her life with positive endeavours such as writing self-help books and making homemade candles. Of course, I am not so busy that I don't have time for any potential romantic relationship that may come my way. I always make time for love. There will always be room in my life for that.
I want to set the record straight on these matters because I feel that you do not fully comprehend who I am. You see me as a Tree Killer with an empty life and a Prada bag, when I am in fact, a True Friend of Trees who preferst Louis Vitton and has a full life. I feel that it is important for you to be aware of such facts about me because I really do not like it when people dont "get" me.
I will leave you with this olive branch for now, Ms. Crow. I do have to get some rest as I have a rather busy day tomorrow. I try to get eight hours of sleep everyday so that I have enough energy to through my very busy days.
with much patience and of course, love,
Fluffy
p.s. One of the first things we will work on with you is your taste in stationery and art. Perhaps next time, if you wish to have a naked young man in your message, you might want to look into the works of Rodin and Michelangelo. Perhaps even the photography of Robert Mapplethorpe (a sample of which I've attached below to prove to you that I am a modern woman and not a prude).
 moo-d swing: disturbed moo-sic: enya (to soothe my frazzled nerves) |
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dear FB,
what can i say, it was a mild surprise to find your note adding to the amount of trash that clutters my door whenever i dont come home for a few days. mild because it is exactly the sort of time-wasting thing that would make the white in your ears disappear in a red egoistic trail of self-importance when you find people "not-cooperating nicely". you really need a life. more than i do. and that says something. in fact, it says something fucki-oops, "fribbling" pathetic.
let me set you straight. first of all, if you hug a pigeon, it would turn around and peck your fucking eyes out while it shits all over your prada handbag. and hugging trees and animals brings out the psychotic hippie in you, not "positive energy". unless you consider tripping off several grams of acid positive energy. in which case, i think i may have misunderstood you deeply all these years. call me a fucking cynic, but i have serious doubts about that.
secondly, the caffeine in my cup of tea works just fine for my "energy levels", and i don't need to squeeze some poor cow's tits to add to the disgusting amount of indecence that already exists in this world for some superflous "comfort". organic or otherwise. i would in fact, suggest that you revise chapter whatever in your latest book that talks about this crap to buying a catapault and practising your motor skills on the neighbourhood cats. see if you can bring their mighty meows down a peg or two, and stop that godawful braggy yowling of their sex life. as i said, there is already a repugnant amount of indecency in this world. think about it. you could actually do some good with all the trees you chop down for the printing of your so-called books by advocating for such peace rights.
anyway, as for my fucking language. i will fucking well speak in whatever fucked up ways i choose, without being fucked over by some fucking fictitious-colour loving, tree hugging (and chopping), bloody annoying little poop (there. i compromised. you can't say i don't try).
so anyway, thanks, but please, leave me alone from now on.
your greatest fan,
Mz. Miserable Crow
p/s: hope you'll find some use for the erotica that's at the back of this. i think the sailor collar is rather fetching on 'dream buoy' don't you?moo-d swing:  cheerful |
| » Channel Your Anger |
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Oh dear.
Ms. Crow, I sense... how do I put it...? "Very strong feelings" from you. Not that strong feelings should be avoided. Oh no, strong feelings must be welcomed and savoured for they are what make us alive. Without strong feelings, there would be no passion, no happiness, no love!
I do wish you would be able to channel your strong feelings into something a teensy-weensy more positive. For instance, instead of playing "pigeon football", why not try hugging the pigeons? I'm sure they'll appreciate that more, but more importantly, hugging trees and animals bring out positive energy and will make you feel better about yourself. Why not dilute your strong black tea with some fresh milk (I know a wonderful organic farm that produces the most wonderful fresh milk!)? Milk is good for you. Not only will it give you much-needed calcium (which would do tremendous wonders for your energy levels), warm milk has also been known to provide comfort.
I hope you will not take offense, but I feel that your choice of words can be improved (just a tad!). Swearing is a sign of a troubled soul, like I said in my book, "You are What You Speak: A Guide for Speaking the Language of Love from Your Heart". Perhaps if you would make that little change of using "Fribble" instead of the other F-word, you might feel your mood improving and begin to have a more positive outlook in life. For example, everytime you feel the urge to "F-word off", why not say "Fribble off"? It sounds so much more pleasing to the ear, and it keeps you from sounding crass. I assure you, if you take this baby step towards a more positive outlook and projection, you will find yourself being loved by everyone around you, and once that happens, happiness will abound in your life!
Aug. 4th, 2005 @ 03:32 am
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| » Mz. Miserable Crow |
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Name: Mz. Miserable Crow
Nickname: Mz. Miserable Crow (not Nick, you prick)
Pets: lice and mice and everything nice like that. har har. ask a stupid question...
Favourite Food: what the f- ? who gives a shit? we're all maggot food. fuck off and leave me alone.
Occupation: said fuck off and leave me alone... jesus.
Pastime: there's more?? okay!
fine! i wake up in the morning and i shit. then i drink black tea with
4 spoons of sugar and laugh at the tea leaves. then feed my rats, crawl
off to work, take pictures of signboards that are about to be ripped
off cause they don't lead to anywhere anymore and the government needs
to have some sort of proof of this and file it somewhere so they don't
forget it used to exist. try and play pigeon football but the damn
things have wings they dont deserve. piss off ms. bunny ears by
convincing her pink isn't really a colour 'cause i really dont have a
life and frankly, it's funny. then i eat whatever comes my way and read
papers left behind by homeless people who've found cardboard boxes, go
home, sleep and it's the same old shit all over again. satisfied? now
fuck off and leave me alone.
sheesh.
Aug. 3rd, 2005 @ 09:38 pm
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| » Ms. Fluffy Bunnykins |
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Full Name: Ms. Fluffy Bunnykins
Nickname/s: Fluffy, Bunny, Fluffy-Bunny. (I don't like it when people call other people with their initials, like FB. It's so impersonal, don't you think?)
Pets: Three kittens (Honey, Sweetheart and Lovely) and five puppies (Sugar, Itsy, Bitsy, Puffy and Baby)
Favourite Food/s: Blueberry pancakes! and strawberry pancakes, and peach pancakes and chocolate pancakes.
Occupation:
Self-help book author and business woman. My bestsellers include "Finding the Perfect Partner in an Imperfect World", "Turning Bad Boys into Love Monkeys: It's Not as Hard as You Think", and "An Open Heart Finds Love: How Making Yourself Vulnerable Can Lead to the Best Love". I'm currently writing my latest book, entitled "Hugging Trees and Counting Stars: Finding the Innocence in Yourself and Everyone".
I also have a line of home-made scented candles that are available in all stores. The most popular scents are: Vanil-love, Will You Berry Me, and Love-under the Stars. I'm also expanding my business to include scented pillows, hankerchiefs, knickers and oven mittens.
( I have to quit this for now or I'll OD on sweetness! )
Aug. 3rd, 2005 @ 08:14 pm
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| » Of Cows and Mermaids + Other Things |
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Much better to post my response as a separate entry than to use the comment feature. Warning: I've used up the ability to be articulate tonight in the effort to make Machiavellian arguments work as arguments on why a relationship is bound to fail. Haha. So my responses are pretty half-baked.
changed the background. think it kinda works.. like the fact that boots and platform shoes peek out from the corners :)what do you reckon?
Loving it. I like the coloured cow-print feel of the whole thing. Takes away from the drabness of the rest of the blog :-)
both ideas seem to work. though you're right, idea #2 seems more of a graphic novel kind of thing. but has a strong christian tradition lah. i'm afraid i might turn bulimic if i work on something with this theme for any extended period of time :|
All former Bible-thumping and church-going cows must write something that has a strong Christian tradition. It's as hard-wired into our systems as that godwaful guilt complex. :-P
Seriously though, I just realised that idea #2 may not be the best option for a children's story. The plot seems a bit too heavy for a children's story. Will need to think about this more.
but i like the idea of a community protecting themself through shutting down of a physical space, and the disjunct that comes from that. exploring the roads and the encounters when she comes out will be very interesting. can introduce lots of trippy and grotesque characters with their own histories and brand of wisdom or irony or cynicism or joy or lust or...
We can just write about something like this. I mean, take this idea and run with it. Would probably make for a good coming-of-age story... a girl who comes from a literally sheltered life, exploring a new world and meeting strange / interesting / grotesque creatures who have their own stories.
Might work. We can draft chracters and write their stories and then write the overall story like a patchwork quilt. We can create a universe, too, while we're at it.
the first idea might work better as a short story. i'm not sure about the mermaid's desire to be earth creatures though the bit i liked about harry potter was actually the de-mystification of the merpeople. that it's not just women in shell bras and sing nice songs and look lovely, that they're slimey and have nasty pets and are powerful in a strange way.
But I like pretty mermaids! Haha. Joking. You make a good point. I'm also hesitant about the whole mermaid thing as I don't particularly care for them as a species (which probably makes me a Mermaidist).
We can turn it around though. We can make it that it's a journey about Earth people becoming mermaids by preparing for a ceremony wherein they dress up in pretty mermaid garb only to become mermaids that are ugly and grey and nasty.
i think we could work with the single minded obsession of the mermaids though, that all their life is about preparing for this thing. it sounds a bit like the earth, fire, wind trilogy kind of feel? describing or creating a community, a population, a rite, and a journey, the leads in death, of course ;D
And I just remembered. There is a Balinese tradition of being afraid of the water because they believe that the water is where the gods resided. We can include that detail in the story as something that makes the journey to the water an important, scary and dramatic event.
this is good! i dont usually have plots, i'm better at surfacing the details and the layers in their characters at particular moments. i think at least, or i'm trying hard to be good at *something*
All I have are plots (no talent, no words, no energy to write haha). I'm brimming with half-baked plots. I just can't find my plot notebook. It's in one of my bags, I think. I'll look for it tomorrow.
so if we work with the setting, the place which is the underwater world, then we have to create their myths. like how did the world begin, creation story, legends, heroinnes (sp?), music, language, clothes, threats, etc etc etc. ?
We'll if you agree to turn the story around to make the journey towards the water, then we need to create two worlds: the imagined and idealised underwater universe and the real Earth world.
What do you think?
Aug. 3rd, 2005 @ 02:26 am
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| » check out the bouncing cow! |
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I cant believe you found a cow moo-d-icon! You're magick :)
Aug. 2nd, 2005 @ 05:55 pm
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| » Ch-ch-ch-changes... |
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changed the background. think it kinda works.. like the fact that boots and platform shoes peek out from the corners :)what do you reckon?
both ideas seem to work. though you're right, idea #2 seems more of a graphic novel kind of thing. but has a strong christian tradition lah. i'm afraid i might turn bulimic if i work on something with this theme for any extended period of time :| but i like the idea of a community protecting themself through shutting down of a physical space, and the disjunct that comes from that. exploring the roads and the encounters when she comes out will be very interesting. can introduce lots of trippy and grotesque characters with their own histories and brand of wisdom or irony or cynicism or joy or lust or...
:D
the first idea might work better as a short story. i'm not sure about the mermaid's desire to be earth creatures though the bit i liked about harry potter was actually the de-mystification of the merpeople. that it's not just women in shell bras and sing nice songs and look lovely, that they're slimey and have nasty pets and are powerful in a strange way. i think we could work with the single minded obsession of the mermaids though, that all their life is about preparing for this thing. it sounds a bit like the earth, fire, wind trilogy kind of feel? describing or creating a community, a population, a rite, and a journey, the leads in death, of course ;D
this is good! i dont usually have plots, i'm better at surfacing the details and the layers in their characters at particular moments. i think at least, or i'm trying hard to be good at *something*
so if we work with the setting, the place which is the underwater world, then we have to create their myths. like how did the world begin, creation story, legends, heroinnes (sp?), music, language, clothes, threats, etc etc etc. ?
Aug. 2nd, 2005 @ 04:55 pm
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| » Initial Story Ideas |
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For your perusal, Artsy-Hippie Cow.
Idea #1
The Bali-inspired idea:
When I spent some time in Bali last year, I had the luck to be admitted in one of the Hindu temples when they were having some kind of offertory ceremony. The men were playing gamelan, and the women lined up in the middle of a quadrangle, wearing the most fantastic outfits and doing complicated dance steps as they made their way to the altar to offer flowers and fruits. As each line of women reached the altar, they were given flowers and food to put on the altars in their own homes.
So an idea for a story about mermaids came to mind. Mermaids who spent all their lives preparing to attend a ceremonial offering to the Earth Gods. On the day of the offertory, they would leave their water world and make their way to the altar. It will be a perilous journey that will eventually end in their death (as they are aquatic creatures and can't last in land for more than 2 days). Successful mermaids will join the Earth gods. The rest will perish.
(Well, you did say that I'm not a happy-ending type of writer).
Idea #2
Post-Apocalyptic Story about a Girl, a Prophecy and Religious Fundamentalists
When nuclear annihilation threatened to end the world, a group of priestesses from Mt. Banahaw called upon the ancient gods of the mountain to close the mountain off from the rest of the world. This act saved the priestesses, their offspring and their consorts from the war that ended the world.
But the world did not end. It just changed. Countries were wiped out. The people who survived were wild, angry, hungry, poor and grotesquely mutated. Most of them believed in a prophecy that said: "When all hope is lost, the Saviour will come". As a result a band of fundamentalists have taken to going around communities, spreading the prophecy and then killing themselves because their existence negates the prophecy as they were hopeful themselves.
Bagsik (untamed / wild / strong, in tagalog) was born a year after Mt. Banahaw was closed off. Fifteen years later, the mountain opens up again and Bagsik leaves her home to seek out new life in the new world. She meets up with new people, and eventually finds out that she was the Savour everyone was talking about.
Lame? Pretty. But I had this as a comic book idea for years now. Was supposed to do this with this guy from uni, but he decided to be a lawyer instead. Haha.
That's it for now.
Aug. 1st, 2005 @ 08:14 pm
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| » weird sidebar |
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the side bar is freaking out. my obsessive compulsive tendencies are not happy.
Aug. 1st, 2005 @ 05:55 pm
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| » moooo.... |
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hahaha! the hippie trippie cow is here ;)
Aug. 1st, 2005 @ 05:53 pm
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| » Test Message |
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So this is where the most important but obscure literary work of 2005 will happen.
Aug. 1st, 2005 @ 04:07 pm
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