The Corrupted Wish Game

I wish I could go to South Korea

2008-07-15T14:16:07Z

Granted!
You go to South Korea and it's all that you imagined and more. A lot more. There's so many people that you soon begin to feel suffocated and you fall while walking down a sidewalk. People begin to trample on you, and you die due to being trampled on.

I wish I could live a romance like Elizabeth Bennet's and Mr. Darcy's.

I wish I had a new pair of glasses.

2008-07-15T01:36:02Z

Granted!

Suddenly before you a pair of googly-eyed glasses appear! Curious, you put them on and you walk around the neighbourhood. You're a riot! Everyone loves you!
However, you soon discover that you can't seem to remove these glasses not matter what method you try. They're stuck onto your face forever!

I wish I could go to South Korea.

I wish I had a taiyaki maker.

2008-07-13T01:28:44Z

Granted! You become the star of the neighborhood as everyone comes by to beg for just one (or two, or five...) red-bean-paste-filled treat.

...at all hours of day and night. Hope you weren't planning on sleeping ever again!

I wish I had a new pair of glasses.

I wish I had an aluminum baseball bat.

2008-07-12T03:55:54Z

Granted! While you are chatting endlessly about your friend with your new aluminum baseball bat, somebody finds it, steals it, and then uses it to conduct a series of brutal assaults on people wearing your clothes and a wig with your hairstyle and color. The thief returns the bat to your house, and the authorities determine that you are the one to blame. You have been sent to prison for 484585949 years. Have fun!

I wish I had a taiyaki maker.

I wish I had a color XGA electronic paper display with a 75 Hz refresh rate.

2008-07-12T03:41:51Z

Granted!

But it malfunctioned. And it costs $974274924 to fix it. And you're broke because you spent all your money buying the thing in the first place.

I wish I had an aluminum baseball bat.

I wish it's the weekend already!

2008-07-04T23:15:45Z

Granted! The weekend is no longer Saturday through Sunday, it's now Friday through Friday. Hope you're ready for work tomorrow!

I wish I had a color XGA electronic paper display with a 75 Hz refresh rate.

I wish that I had more computer paper.

2008-07-04T01:03:53Z

GRANTED! You get all the COMPUTER PAPER you want! You were very delighted with the sudden turn of events that you didn't see the printer's cord and you tripped on it, causing the whole printer to fall with you. D: Now the printer is brooooken beyond repair. And you need to buy yourself a printer. Very frustrated, you weren't aware that you took out all your frustrations on the computer! And BAAAM, now even the computer is broken.

*pat*

But at least you can still use the computer paper to burn things... or something like that.

I wish it's the weekend already! :)

I wish I had made a wish

2008-07-03T19:55:44Z

Granted! And we mock you yet again for not posting a wish.

I wish that I had more computer paper.

I wish I had an ice cream

2008-07-03T19:47:14Z

Granted!

Before you can begin to lick it however a dog races by and trips you. Does your cone fall? No! You're thinking nice save until you trip over the dog's leash. The dog comes back to lick melting ice cream off your face and... it starts to rain.

I wish I had a cooler room.

2008-07-03T12:56:20Z

GRANTED! Your room gets cooler ten-fold! But this chilly atmosphere isn't easily adaptable to, so you FREEZE alive. You were forgetful enough to have left your room locked from inside. And when your family/friends/loved ones/significant others tried to retrieve you, they were highly unsuccessful because even the door knob froze from within. SO THERE. After 57 years, because all technology gets destroyed one way or another, your room defrosts, and so DO YOU! YEY? NAY. Because the world after 57 years is inhibited with aliens and you are the last human left.

*pat*

I wish I had an ice creaaaaaam!

I wish I had a pocket dimension to store my stuff in.

2008-07-03T03:00:21Z

Granted! You decide to happily rent one. But it turns out all pocket dimensions are owned by Andy Dick, and he uses them to store cocaine. So you still have no place to put your shit and Andy Dick is at your house all the time trying to give you coke.

I wish I had a cooler room.

I wish that I had more money.

2008-07-02T23:24:05Z

Granted! You've now borrowed €10k cash from a loan shark at 100% interest. Happy spending!

I wish I had a pocket dimension to store my stuff in.

I wish I was more responsible.

2008-07-02T02:09:48Z

Granted!

You become responsible because your lack of attention to a beloved pet has caused her death. You become so traumatized that you start fussing over everyone else and attempting to be responsible for their happiness and compensate for their shortcomings. Meanwhile, you neglect yourself in the process and die because someone you helped before forgot to help you send the payment for the phone bill, so the person trying to call for an ambulance can't get to one in time.

I wish that I had more money.

I wish I had a dog

2008-07-02T01:05:51Z

Granted!

However, you forgot to read the fine print and you end up with a dog plus her litter of 9 puppies. You spend a fortune on dog food and go broke by the end of the year. Because they have no food, the dogs turn savage and attack anyone who enters the house - including you. Good luck with paying all those bills. :)

I wish I was more responsible.

I wish I had a wonderful job

2008-06-28T19:40:06Z

Not only do you have a wonderful job, you have the best job EVER. You get to spend 14 hours a day in a tiny, un-air conditioned cement shop sewing teeny tiny sequins on tube tops for little tweeny boppers. However, compared to other jobs that are available in your impoverished native country of Zambula (these include dung hauler, slash-and-burn subsistance farmer, and starving) you really do have the best job ever. And you even get a 15 minute bathroom break. Lucky you!

I wish I had a dog.

I wish I had a really good pair of headphones

2008-06-27T18:31:20Z

Granted!

Unfortunately, you got a pair so good that you never take them off and eventually go deaf.

I wish I had a wonderful job

I wish I had made a wish.

2008-06-26T11:08:19Z

Granted! Unfortunately, you forget to put the wish in your post, and get roundly mocked by the next fellow to come along.

I wish I had a really good pair of headphones.

i wish my saturday meeting with Ralph Fienness turned into a hot affair..

2008-06-26T02:05:25Z

Granted!

This hot affair lasted all of one night and left you with a love child whom Ralph refuses to acknowledge. You're a single mom now. Congratulations!

corrupted_wish @ 2008-06-23T17:44:00

2008-06-23T15:45:51Z

I wish people were more articulate..

Granted! But now instead of not saying clearly what they want they annoy you with their clear truths till you chop your ear off like Van Gogh on speed...

i wish my saturday meeting with Ralph Fienness turned into a hot affair..

I wish I could be more organized

2008-06-22T19:36:05Z

Granted! You get tossed in the hoosegow, and now have numerous large, armed men supervising to make sure you stay on (their) schedule.

I wish people were more articulate.

I wish some of my inventions were on late night tv,

2008-06-22T18:03:14Z

Granted!

Your inventions are now and late night TV - and you are the spokesperson. Your face and name are seared into the memory of every man, woman, and child, along with your marvelous inventions. In fact, they show clips of you personally using your inventions, including:

*Home hair transplant kits
*Finger nail removal device
*The new and improved Anal Intruder 3000
*Combination Hairdryer/water-pik/nose-hair trimmer

Good luck getting a day job or a date ever again!

I wish I could be more organized

I wish there were more hours in a day.

2008-06-22T11:28:09Z

Granted wishes for you

Each day now consists of days with durations of 28 hours. Unfortunately, I filed the patent on 28 and 14 hour clocks back in 1995, so you miss out on the financial gains to be had. You do however become famous when you open a psych clinic specializing in treatment for anxiety "Results in 24 Hours"

I wish some of my inventions were on late night tv

I wish I had supernaturally acute hearing

2008-06-22T04:23:26Z

Granted!

Unfortunately you were passing under a clock tower as it struck 9 and due to your acute hearing it decimated your eardrums. Good luck with learning sign language.

I wish there were more hours in a day.

I wish seven deadly sins were not deadly.

2008-06-22T03:00:25Z

Granted! Unfortunately, thanks to a literalist reading of Proverbs 6:16-19, seven new ones have to be introduced to fill in the gaps, and "posting on Livejournal" makes the list. Good luck resisting the temptation!

I wish I had supernaturally acute hearing.

I wish I had a bokutõ.

2008-06-21T16:59:49Z

I wish I had a bokutõ.

*!*!*!! Grantasia !!*!*!*

You are now the proud owner of the coveted bokutõ

A bokutõ, as you all know is the classiest ride known to the people of the Amazon. A pair of cross-bred donkey zebra hybrids, pull your chariot through the jungle. Sad that the lead bokutõ has a bad hoof and a pride of lions stop for lunch. As the lion snacks on your liver for dessert, you manage to smile in your dying breath and exclaim, "I wish I had ubuntu."

I wish seven deadly sins were not deadly.