COOKIE-FREE

WHO WANTS FREE COOKIES! ^_^

2006-02-20T00:51:12Z

Hi guys! :D I'm new here but once I saw the community's name I was like "Free cookies? I AM SO THERE!!!" I would bake you all cookies and send them to you for free if I could but since this is an internet community all I can do for now is send you FREE E-COOKIES. Today's theme is chocolate chip! Hope you enjoy! ^^

Look at all those cookies! Don't you want to dive in and EAT EM ALL UP!

Can't you just imagine that soft dough and gooey chocolate melting in your mouth right now? I know I can! :3

Uh oh, the cookies are heading your way! Better let em march into your tummy while they're still warm!

This is a great community and I hope to hear from you guys soon about all the delicious free cookies out there on the internet! Cookies 4ever! :DDDD

cookiefree @ 2006-01-17T20:16:00

2006-01-18T04:18:03Z

Hey guys. Before I do anything and possibly end up hurting myself, what does the concensus say on pies, cakes, and brownies? Can I eat chocolate chips and sprinkles out of the packaging as long as they don't touch cookies? I don't want to end up making a huge mistake here.

Why Earthbound is the best videogame ever...

2006-01-18T04:02:07Z

Earthbound is a progressive pioneer in its freedom of cookie choice. It may very well be the first game to allow you to do your part in stifling the oppressive regime of cookiedom. Allow me to illustrate with some examples:

We don't need your stinkin' cookies. They DESERVE to be abandoned.

However, in the event that a cookie inadvertently ends up in your inventory, DON'T PANIC. The filthy parasite is easily disposed of, and this is the perfect spot.

CRUMB-DROPPING = DESTROYED

Earthbound, for the Super NES- I submit to you, a true paradigm shift in the field of digital entertainment.

Disgusting!

2006-01-17T01:10:10Z

You know what is worse than cookies? The cookie dough! Aside from being the main component in a cookie, it is full of raw eggs and unidentifiable filth.

Many times I would see my mother sitting in front of the TV, watching Oprah, a bucket of cookie dough in her lap as she spooned it out like ice cream.

This brings me to my story. I love ice-cream, especially plain vanilla ice cream. To my chagrin, when I ordered my ice-cream from Baskin Robbins the server got my order mixed up and gave me COOKIE DOUGH. Not paying attention, the cookie dough is often hidden among the vanilla, I took a long lick.

I nearly gagged, and dropped the ice-cream onto the floor. I gave the server a good, long talking to, but I don't think she was paying much attention. They didn't even give me a refund!

I'm never going to Baskin Robbins again, and I hope the good members at cookie_free do the same. Clearly they have no respect for their customers there.

cookiefree @ 2006-01-11T18:10:00

2006-01-11T20:15:40Z

I'm never playing any videogames again. Especially those by Nintendo.

The NERVE of some people.

2006-01-08T22:16:17Z

So, I was at the grocery store stocking up on things like soy milk and other TOTALLY HEALTHY foods, when I walked by a table where a lady was offering free samples of something. Usually it's something pretty okay like a health juice or something, but this time it was much more sinister. "Sir," she said, "would you like to try this new Cookie?"

I could not BELIEVE someone could be so insensitive.

I politely explained my cookie free lifestyle, but she was all "let go of me" and "security, take this man away!" and "Ow! That really hurts!". So I got dragged out of the store by security, since this OreUhhh could not accept my cookie free lifestyle. Seriously, what is WRONG with these people?

The worst part? I didn't even get my soy milk.

cookiefree @ 2006-01-07T17:06:00

2006-01-08T00:14:32Z

I've hated cookies ever since I was in kindergarten. You'd get cookies (GROSS) and fruit punch before your afternoon nap. I wasn't for hell going to put up with that crap! I throw the punch in my teacher's face and proceeded to smash my cookies and all the other kids' cookies with that toy mallet you use to pound those shapes into the corresponding shapes on a table. I was kicked out of kindergarten and was forced to be home schooled. ALL BECAUSE OF COOKIES >:(

Oh god guys I am so sorry but

2006-01-07T23:30:13Z

someone on aim was trying to get my to join this group to CONVERT me (FUCK YOU LACY)

http://www.livejournal.com/community/c0okies/

I mean LOOK AT IT (or don't because I have to warn you there are some photos of doughlumps and the lumpdoughs who eat them).

God, do they have to do this in public? Why do they feel so entitled fucking goocows, it makes me so sick.

cookiefree @ 2006-01-07T17:08:00

2006-01-07T23:28:45Z

So I'm at work right, ringing this lady up, when she pulls a package of cookies out of her pocket and starts eating them! She must have bought them next door or something, since we certainly don't sell any cookies where I work (I made sure of that).

I began to politely explain to her that I did not appreciate her eating cookies directly in front of me, when she started screaming at me and demanding I let my foot off her windpipe! I calmly let her know that she was only upset because she did not approve of my very important cookie-free lifestyle and that if she would continue to disrespect my choices then I would have to ask her to leave. She started to say more but I couldn't make it out, since she was spluttering and gasping for air at that point. Not only that, but in the midst of her struggle to break free, she actually spit out some of her disgusting cookie on my pant leg! Can you believe the nerve of this woman?

At this point I calmly told her that I no longer had to take any more of her closed-minded hatred and very politely and calmly asked her to leave. After a few seconds she was able to talk again, and then she started threatening me, saying that I would hear from the corporate office for crushing a long-time customer's windpipe and then kicking her in the face! OH NOES I HURT THE PWEEEECIOUS WIDDLE OREUHHH'S FEEWINGS!!!!!eleventy-one!11

It really bothers me sometimes how other people can so blindly not accept our important important lifestyle choices. I mean, why else would she have been mad at me?

cookiefree @ 2006-01-07T13:01:00

2006-01-07T21:03:07Z

Am I the only person who sees red whenever my browser tells me it's going to activate a c**kie? I mean God damn it. It's bad enough people are obsessed with inserting that garbage into their dumb fat faces, they've infested internet terminology, too.

Damn cookie eaters holding me up in line!

2006-01-07T13:00:58Z

UGH I just hate high school asshats SO MUCH.

I was waiting in line to get my usual plate of french fries LOADED DOWN with MALT VINNEGAR (that is how REAL BRITS do it). Except the line was looooong, it was like, two hours or something and this dumbass NINER was in front of me and he got up to the front cash and was like OH AND I WANT A COOKIE TOO.

WHAT???? I WAS WAITING FOR TWO HOURS, EXCUSE ME BUT I HAVE A LIFE.............. I DON'T NEED YOUR COOKIE STANDING BETWEEN ME AND MY REAL FOOD, NOT THAT IT MATTERED ANYWAY BECAUSE I TOTALLY LOST MY APPETITE

I just wanted to shove him out of the way SO BAD except I knew the MAN (i.e. the lunch lady) would SERIOUSLY not give me my pasta salad and that would be serious frowny faces.

cookiefree @ 2006-01-07T10:50:00

2006-01-07T12:50:52Z

Guys, doesnt it feel good when theres a kid eating one of those... well, one of those. And their liek chewing and chewing... and you uppercut them in the chin, and their teeth begin to fall off mixed with blood and little bits of those... disgusting things?

I LIVE FOR MOMENTS LIKE THAT! `_´

cookiefree @ 2006-01-05T20:22:00

2006-01-06T02:28:18Z

So I was at the hardware store, so I could buy some air freshener just in case someone brings cookies near me so I don't have to smell them, and a little kid was crying. No big deal, but then the OreUhhh parent says that if the kid is good, she'll give him, you guessed it, A COOKIE! I nearly vomited! How dare she force the opressive cookie lifestyle onto another generation! It's people like that who make us live with these demon discs. How are we supposed to live in an ideal cookie-free world when people like that won't let their children join the cookie free lifestyle?

Is there anything I can do to rescue these kids from a cookie addled existance?

Holiday Cheer

2006-01-06T01:51:12Z

The holiday season is always a bitch for me, there are a lot of fucking OreUhhs in my family. But they're all pretty stupid anyway, so no shit sherlock. I pretty much resign myself to spending a week or two away from home having cookies fucking shoved down my throat every time I'm not looking. I expect that shit from my idiot Queebler parents, but not from WORK.

So it's the day of the office x-mas party, and I'm minding my own business, being a happy little corporate drone feeding the bottom line. The time of the "party" rolls around, and I head down to the room because there were going to be "refreshments." I could do with a candy cane or maybe they'd have a margarita machine like they did a couple years ago.

When I get there, I found out that their idea of "refreshments" was one fucking table stacked with NOTHING BUT FUCKING COOKIES! HOLY SHIT! DID I FUCK SOMETHING UP FOR MANAGEMENT AND THEY DIDN'T TELL ME? I had to leave the fucking room before I went blind with rage.

Why is it that whenever they bring lunch to a meeting, there's always that box of the nasty sandwiches with some godawful bean curd shit flung all over them JUST IN CASE there's MAYBE a fucking VEGETARIAN in the meeting, but when I go to the x-mas party there's nothing but fucking COOKIES anywhere?! Why the fuck is MY lifestyle marginalized while they recognize there are people who DON'T EAT CHICKEN???? I mean, it's not like it's a fucking chocolate-chip bearing disk of demon shit spewn up from the bowels of hell by satan himself, it's just a DUMB AS SHIT FLIGTLESS BIRD MADE FOR EATING!!! THERE ARE THOSE OF US WHO DO NOT SUBSCRIBE TO YOUR COOKIE DOCTRINE, AND DO NOT WISH TO BE OPPRESSED!!!

I should file a fucking workplace harassment charge on those OreUhhhh motherfuckers.

What a buzzkill

2006-01-05T20:07:30Z

As I consider myself a strong person with strong opinions and strong beliefs in the face of the STUPIDITY that blights our failing modern society, I strongly live the life I choose to regardless of what the fuck other worthless people think. So I decided to join you guys, and come to you with a tale of incredible stupidity.
I was hanging out in with my FORMER friend, watching TV and getting very stoned. Sure enough, we start getting the munchies and the conversation turns to getting a bite to eat.
"Okay," I say. "How about we go down the shop and pick up some crisps?"
"Fuck that," says he. "Check out what I have."
You guessed it. That dumbfuck COOKIE MONSTER pulls out a bunch of ~~dingleberry~~ chocolate chip cookies.

Needless to say, I had no choice but to blast a torrent of vomit all over him. (You might say that I tossed my cookies, har har). Not only was what he did utterly disgusting, but completely fucking arrogant and self-centred. Why the FUCK did he think that everyone has a big hard-on for cookies? Hello! Some of us don't give a damn about your disgusting cookies. What gives YOU the right to wave them about like they're God's gift? I was utterly horrified.

Anyway, when I was done vomiting on him, I told him to get the fuck out. He just kept staring at me in disbelief, like I was mad or something. Can you believe this? He couldn't even FATHOM that he was in the wrong. I gingerly picked up one of his cookies¹ and threw it in his face.

¹ It's okay, the cookie was covered in vomit -- so I was touching the vomit, not the cookie. I was steaming mad, but there was no way I was going to risk direct contact with a cookie.

So uh, what I did was okay and perfectly justified, right, guys?

cookiefree @ 2006-01-05T16:49:00

2006-01-05T16:43:42Z

Man, one time I was trying to burn all the cookies in a supermarket and they arrested me for vandalism and later for GBH and resisting arrest.

This is not right. I was just trying to rid the world of a stockpile of this awful... "biscuit".

cookiefree @ 2006-01-05T11:59:00

2006-01-05T14:00:04Z

Sometimes I wish everyone had dyabetis, just so no one would be able to eat cookies.

cookiefree @ 2006-01-05T00:18:00

2006-01-05T08:20:01Z

Today I found out why the dinosaurs went extinct.

They ate a box of those Mother's circus animal furry fuck cookies.

Holy shit, everythng makes so much sense now!

cookiefree @ 2006-01-05T02:09:00

2006-01-05T08:13:28Z

I hate it when I say something to a person on the internet and they reply with HOW CLEVER, HERE IS YOUR COOKIE. Oftentimes this remark is accompanied with a picture of a cookie! Not only do I want to cry from the razor-sharp insult, but I want to puke from the revolting idea of some asshole handing me a cookie. If it were real life I'd smack the cookie out of their hands before running away, crying.

question: how does the community feel about graham crackers? I'm a newbie, so please don't judge me too harshly.

cookiefree @ 2006-01-05T00:40:00

2006-01-05T07:47:40Z

I've been cookiefree my entire life. I think it's disgusting when people eat cookies in public, and it makes me want to throw up.

The other day I'm at the mall, trying to enjoy a quiet lunch in the food court, and this OreUhhh sitting at the table next to me just whips out this little package of Famous Amos and starts munching away like it's no big deal! Rude, am I right? She was wiping up the crumbs and dabbing her mouth with her napkin, but I could still imagine what they must have smelled like. I shouldn't have to put up with that.

So I complained to the security guard about the OreUhhh, and he looked at me like I was the crazy one! He said I had to respect her "mealtime choice." My tax dollars go to treat obesity caused by excessive cookie eating, I already involuntarily respect her "mealtime choice," why shouldn't she have to respect my right to not have to see her eat her damn cookies?!

On the way out of the food court I hip-checked her, and she dropped a cookie. I ground that fucker under my heel! Serves her right. She bitched, but I told her "that's the way the cookie crumbles!" and flipped her the bird.

cookiefree @ 2006-01-05T00:33:00

2006-01-05T07:15:14Z

My fiance's brother stayed the weekend with us, and brought down not one but two batches of cookies. One was store bought and given to us by his grandmother for Christmas, while the other one was a tin completely filled with "homemade" cookies from his mother. His own mother, a woman I thought would respect my personal lifestyle choice, thought it would be appropriate to bombard me with this disgusting shit. I turned to my future brother and law and politely told him to take them out of the house.

He rudely snorted and asked me why, and when I again very politely explained to him that my lifestyle does not involve being around cookies, he got extremely angry and twisted my arm around while telling me how inadequate my lifechoice was and how he was going to force me to eat all the cookies I could. He then picked me up and threw me through the door. When I politely explained that I do not like being thrown through a door he stomped off, screaming obscenities.

It's sad that in this day and age those of us who chose the superior cookie-free lifestyle still get "grandslammed" by our relatives just because we're different. We're treated like second class citizens, just because I don't want someone's filthy dirty cookies in my mouth. People can complain all they want about how terrible we are, but that makes them no better than the KKK or any other hate group.

*sigh*

cookiefree @ 2005-12-28T02:28:00

2005-12-28T08:37:09Z

So I was watching Food Network a couple weeks ago, and they did a huge story on this lady who gives out cookies for her neighbors every Christmas. She makes so many that each of them get fifteen pounds of cookies.

Fifteen pounds. Can you believe the NERVE of some people?

I mean what would I do with fifteen POUNDS of worthless junk? That probably wouldn't even all fit in one trash bag! What makes them think they have the right to come to MY HOUSE and push their lifestyle all over me? I mean, I don't go to MY neighbors' houses and tell them how I hate cookies! Well, not this week I haven't.

I swear to God I hate Christmas so much. *sighs*