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Below are the most recent 25 friends' journal entries.

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    Tuesday, July 21st, 2009
    mynxii
    12:28a
    Brisbane is Booked.
    I'm booked. I'm going.

    *cries*

    I don't yet know how I'll make it work - have yet to put in for the lwop, but my doctor is supportive, Calli and Babalon are supportive, K and Cam are supportive and somehow, surely I can make this work if I just trust in myself?


    Inside my seminar tonight I had an insight that I punish myself by making myself small, because who am I to say I can make a difference, to take on the world? I let myself stay small, safe, responsible and without taking risks so that not only do I never get 'above' myself, but I also never truly have to try, or succeed.

    Doing the job I'm doing, and doing all the jobs I've done is a the biggest and most obvious example of this. I feel daily, incompetent, worthless, valueless, like my contribution is nothing, like everything I do or will do is pointless. This is not how I wish to live. It is for this reason I am choosing freedom, and the uncertainty of the lwop, even if I haven't quite worked out how to make it work. I will. Somehow. The relief I feel in being away from this is so tangible it scares me.

    I'm not excited about any of this yet - I'm still caught up in it, but I am clear and committed. I will no longer tolerate diminishing myself and who I am for my life, and what that means for the world. Who am I to say I can make a difference, that I can create change and generate love, intimacy and a powerful grounding in identity? I am me.

    I'll be ecstatic later, to see someone who is a sister to me, to see her bring another little life into the world, to share in her family life, and to have Calli there as another sister beside me, creating and sharing this family experience with us. Amazing. I'm inspired by it even inside of my angsting - surely an indicator of the right decision made :)

    Right now I'm just going to be with what I'm going through and let myself experience it, then let it go and sleep peacefully. This is the plan.

    Work tomorrow. But also lunch with beloved [info]agoodliedown, so it is not all terrible.

    Current Mood: upset
    Current Music: nil
    Monday, July 20th, 2009
    drjon
    8:10p
    drjon
    7:42p
    glork
    10 days ago, he offered to move me back down to Melbourne if it would help.

    This afternoon, he offered to get us a kitten.

    I guess "slow" runs in the family.

    Everything hurts.

    I am lucky to have an Uncle who cares, regardless of everything else.

    Current Mood: Day 116
    mondyboy
    6:41p
    dalekboy
    5:28p
    Bad Times 2
    Further to yesterday's post of a picture that always cheers me up, makes me smile, or makes me laugh when it appears as my day's wallpaper, I present the following... )

    Current Mood: tired
    drjon
    4:30p
    mynxii
    1:21p
    Torchwood CoE...
    Wow.

    This was wonderful and terrible in equal measure. It brought to life the horror of our humanity and of someone who lives forever.



    I think I'll go watch the S4 SYTYCD finale as an antidote to the horror.

    Current Mood: a little loopy after that...
    davidcook
    1:39p
    State of the House ...
    So, two weeks living in our new house, how are we going ?
    Well, the kitchen is in a pretty good state now - all boxes cleared, all of the useful stuff has been put away somewhere - maybe not neccessarily to the final organised spot, but reasonably tidy, at least.
    The lounge/dining area still has boxes, but floor is emerging rapidly, and we may even be at the point where we can fit in a sofa once we buy one. The bedroom has one last stubborn box - maybe I'll tackle that tonight. The computer rooms have varying amounts of boxes i.e. mine has lots, [info]rwrylsin's is mostly tidy :-)

    And the book unpacking is somewhat stalled, our bookcases are full - about 20 shelf-metres taken, and we're only up to K or so in the fiction books, and only a box or two out in non-fiction. [info]rwrylsin keeps muttering about "weeding", but I am unfamiliar with this concept applied to my our books :-)

    The garden, fortunately, is well-establised and only needed some taming so that we could actually walk around it safely (and the clothes hoist is free again). Next weekend I'll be building our compost bins, and looking at the uneven paved area at the back and making tutting noises at it.

    And finally, my workshop area should soon be tidy, I have pegboard, blank wall space, and a drill ... muahahaha ! There's also some painting to be done in and around some cupboards and wardrobes, and staining to finish off on some shelves and drawers, but that should all be manageable over the next few months.

    After 14 years in rented places, I'm still getting used to the idea of being able to make changes to the house - maybe I need to start rearranging internal walls or something to really get the feel of it. All in all, though, I'm very happy with it.

    Current Mood: happy
    tcpip
    1:34p
    The Aesthetic Dimension, Religious Meanderings, RPG Review
    Went to Liquid Architecture last week with [info]_nightflower_, an interesting combination of video, sound, performance and installation art. On Saturday went with Karl and Liz to the to the Satirical Eye exhibition at the National Gallery (International) on Saturday; was particularly impressed by Rowlandsen's 'The Chamber of Genius', the content of Goya's Los Caprichos and the irony of Honore Daumier's Les Femmes Socialistes (genuinely ironic because Honoré was trying to ridicule socialist women but the arguments and presentation were actually supportive by contemporary standards). On Wednesday evening will be attending the Salvador Dali Liquid Desire at the same location. Also hoping to see the Light Years (photography and space) exhibition. Tonight will be attending The Comics Lounge with [info]kremmen and [info]caseopaya.

    On Tuesday attended the Melbourne Atheist Society to listen to Silvio Bonazinga question 'scientism' in atheism. Meeting in the same hall on Sunday, Peter Abrehart, chairperson of the Melbourne Unitarian Church spoke pretty much in favour of scientism on a presentation entitled 'The Greatest Dissenters'; I took the service from this address and the reading was from Marx's A Contribution to the Critique of Hegel's Philosophy of Right, specifically oft-cited (and usually erroneously) comment on religion as the opium of the people.

    RPG Review issue four has been released. Dennis Sustare's article on his life in gaming is particularly fascinating reading. Also some twit supposedly representing Barry Windsor-Smith studios is complaining about the article entitled Young Gods supposedly infringing trademark. Fun times ahead if they try to go through with that one.
    mynxii
    10:01a
    I promised that I'd link to this:
    http://community.livejournal.com/wintercompanion/78646.html

    My ficlet has been released as part of the Jack and Ten [info]wintercompanion challenge :) My little story is called "Sharing Light" And is about something of a date in the doorway of the TARDIS.

    I'm very pleased with this effort, and it's one of the only pieces longer than around 100 words that I've written.

    Current Mood: pleased
    Current Music: nil
    rahball
    6:04a
    rahball
    1:27a
    Sunday, July 19th, 2009
    dalekboy
    10:41p
    Bad Time
    It seems like a bunch of people I like, care deeply about, or both, have all had a rough run in the last day or week. So I am coming out of Lex induced hiding to try to spread a little cheer.

    It may not work, but this picture always cheers me up... )

    Current Mood: okay
    drjon
    9:28p
    Need someone to talk to?
    Sometimes things can get so bloody horrible, you'd do anything to make it all stop.

    Before you do, call someone and talk about it.
    Australia: 13 11 14

    Canada: by province

    New Zealand: 0800 543 354

    United Kingdom: 08457 90 90 90

    United States: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
    If you can't think of any other reason, let's make it a personal favour to me.
    drjon
    5:18p
    Bizarre British News Bits via folkwit
    From the Churchdown Parish Magazine:
    Would the Congregation please note that the bowl at the back of the Church labeled 'For The Sick' is for monetary donations only.
    From The Guardian concerning a sign seen in a Police canteen in Christchurch, New Zealand:
    Will the person who took a slice of cake from the Commissioner's Office return it immediately. It is needed as evidence in a poisoning case.
    From The Gloucester Citizen:
    A sex line caller complained to Trading Standards. After dialing an 0891 number from an advertisement entitled 'Hear Me Moan' the caller was played a tape of a woman nagging her husband for failing to do jobs around the house. Consumer Watchdogs in Dorset refused to look into the complaint, saying, 'He got what he deserved.'
    From The Daily Telegraph in a piece headed "Brussels Pays 200,000 Pounds to Save Prostitutes":
    ... the money will not be going directly into the prostitutes' pocket, but will be used to encourage them to lead a better life. We will be training them for new positions in hotels.
    From The Derby Abbey Community News:
    We apologize for the error in the last edition, in which we stated that 'Mr. Fred Nicolme is a Defective in the Police Force.' This was a typographical error. We meant of course that Mr. Nicolme is a Detective in the Police Farce.
    From The Times:
    A young girl, who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth, was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast-guard spokesman commented, 'This sort of thing is all too common these days.'
    mondyboy
    1:00p
    Thomas Disch # 4: Camp Concentration
    Now we're into the good shit.

    (Actually that's a bit unfair to the previous three books, including The Genocides, which really is a very good book, an the other two which are more than passable.  Also, the keen Thomas Disch observer will note that I've skipped a book, The House That Fear Built, in fact it should have slotted in between The Puppies of Terra and Echo Round His Bones.  It's OK, though,.  I've just receieved the book in mail, and it's next on my list).

    I think I would have adored Camp Concentration if I'd read it at University.  With all the literary allusions and themes about death and religion and science, it's the sort of vaguely pretentious book that someone struggling through a Masters of Philosophy would identify with.  Of the many SF and Horror and Doctor Who books I read in my early 20s, this is probably one of the few that I could have shared with my Philosophy mates without feeling embarrassed.   

    And while I probably didn't adore Camp Concentration, reading it as a thirty something, I did enjoy it.  It's because the book wears its anger on its sleeves.  It's about a poet Louis Sacchetti who ends up in prison for being a draft dodger because he refuses to join the US Army.  Although it's never explicitly mentioned in the book, the US seems to be at War with everyone, using biological weapons rather than nukes.  Louis is moved out of his prison cell and into a secret facility where the Army is testing their 'smart' drugs on other prisoners.  The main drug, Pallidine, is derived from syphillis (of all things) and while it makes the user extremely smart it also has the unfortunate side effect of rotting a person's brain.

    It's a very interesting set-up and one where Thomas Disch can go crazy, not only with literary invention but also with quotes from Goethe to Hegel to Bunyan to... well too many to mention.  This is a book populated by polymaths, and as a result has an air of pretention about it.  And yet the book is very readable.  There's the odd moment, where Disch experiments with style and goes a bit bonkers, but mostly with all the quotes and all the philosophy, Camp Concentration is a very accessible novel.

    Without spoiling too much, because there are revelations and the odd turn, this is the second book (the first being The Genocides) of Disch's that pre-occupied with death as a theme and a subject.  With Camp Concentration, the concept of death, of futility, of the end of everything is explored.  Disch is not a happy camper, and Algis Burdrys would have hated the pessimism prevalent through the book. That said, as dark as this Camp Concentration gets, it never wallows.  At the end of the day, Disch is still telling a story and it's something he never loses sight of.

    While published in '68, the book was written in '66 and '67.  Lyndon Johnson had ordered an escalation of the Vietnam War, which resulted in a number of student protests at the time.  And it's clear that Disch, who was living in Europe when writing the book, was voicing his own protest through Camp Concentration.  The book takes a very dim view of war, but also the abuse of science to keep the war machine running.  Disch isn't playing the anti-science card here.  In fact, faith - whether it be faith in God or faith in alchemy - is ridiculed as well,  But the book does take the position that science, if used improperly will lead to our destruction.

    And it's no surprise that Faust - both the Goethe and Marlowe version - play a role in the book.  Because, in Disch's eyes, the focus on science is very much a case of the US selling it's soul to the devil to get an advantage.  Whether that's by maximising the intelligence of the populace so that they can invent bigger and better bombs, or coming up with bacterial and biological weapons that can wipe out a whole society.

    And throughout this attack on science gone bad and selling its soul, there's that feeling of death living just around the corners.  Palladine provides intelligence by rotting the brain - a brilliant and nasty concept - which means a horrible death.  In a sense, as each one works on a magnum opus - whether it be a retelling of Faust, or a demonstration in alchemy or a book of poetry - they sell their soul, for one moment of artistic genius.  Death and human creativity are tied together.  And there's this feeling that without death, there'd be no reason to create anything.

    There's more to say about Camp Concentration... more themes to explore and discuss.  But... I'm not sure I've got the brain tools to give this book the proper academic deconstrction it deserves.  One thing I will say is that - and I might be wrong here - no-one seems to be writing this sort of SF anymore.  In the post 9/11 world, a world that's been as scary and as uncertain as the world Disch lived in the 60s, SF seems to have tip toed around these issues.  I can't remember the last 'angry' or polemic SF novel I read.  Except for maybe Iron Council by China Mieville (which isn't SF, and I'll admit not very good either).

    This might have something to do with the fact that writing polemic SF novels are hard to sell.  Camp Concentration wasn't accepted by its contracted publisher in 1967.  Disch was angry enough about this to declare the novel inelligible for any American SF award when it was eventually publised (though it did win a Ditmar in 1969, according to this blog post).  And that's understandable.  In the current GFC, it's probably not worth spending months writing an angry political SF book that may never see the light of day.  But I wonder if books like Camp Concentration are a thing of the past.  I haven't read Little Brother by Doctorow... and maybe there are authors out there, expressing their anger and their politics through SF... but if they are out there, I'm not noticing them. 

    And maybe, just maybe, Disch himself was unique in this way.  Even during the New Wave, where everything was up for grabs, and swear words entered the SF genre (Camp Concetration is the first Disch book to have naughty words in it), the SF political novel was few and far between.  And that's what makes reading Disch so intresting.  Yeah, Camp Concentration might be a bit pretentious at times, but it's a book that's saying something, and saying it loudly, and for that very book it deserves to be lauded as a classic SF novel.  
    mynxii
    11:22a
    At Calli's... all systems are go...
    Currently we're engaged in the rapid thickening and re-cooling of custard for the profriterole mountain dish that I can't spell.

    My back has threatened to twang on me, but I have decreed that this will NOT. BE. SO.

    Time to start getting pretty soon!!!!


    It's going to be a magnificent day :) I'm so, so pleased to be part of this and share in the joy with the Parker family.

    Current Mood: excited
    Current Music: nil
    drjon
    11:39a
    callistra
    7:56a
    Oh My is it Raining
    Well, I hope everyone rugs up warm and brings an umbrella to today! 

    Oh gosh have we been busy! And there's more to come! 
    :-)

    Wedding today! Yay! 

    I feel like I am coming down with a cold. I shall find drugs.
    I'm not going to be sick today of all days! 

    Current Mood: amused
    drjon
    9:25a
    Saturday, July 18th, 2009
    owlrigh
    10:23p
    Torchwood, Children of Earth
    Now I've seen all of Torchwood, Children of Earth, and it's excellent, very good science fiction.

    Spoilers, lots of. I do thinky stuff. )

    Current Mood: bouncy
    drjon
    1:05p
    drjon
    12:08p
    drjon
    8:44a
    Better than a Jelly Head, one supposes.
    The busker outside Borders on a Friday night does this so well...

    Crowded House - Pineapple Head
    And if you choose to take that path
    Will you come to make me pay
    I will play you like a shark
    And I'll clutch at your heart
    I'll come flying like a spark to inflame you...
    drjon
    8:29a
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