Master Maverick (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} maverickjason83) wrote in ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} constructastory,@ 2008-05-28 05:57:00 |
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Cooperative Eyegle/Rawr Story!
Ok. So Becky is writing Rawr’s story, right now, and I’m working on the story about how Eyegle met up with us. But that story is part of the Maverick Knights series, and doesn’t include Eyegle’s actual back story. So since Rawr and Eyegle’s first encounter coincides with Eyegle’s first day on his home planet (moon, actually), I thought we could attach it at the end of Eyegle’s back story. So at the end of this story, we’ll be writing Eyegle and Rawr’s first encounter by means of comments. (Please post each as a new comment rather than a reply to the previous comment, to avoid a serious text crampage issue.)
Eyegle’s Heritage
The chain of events that would eventually produce Eyegle were highly unusual, to say the least. It started in 1910, when an ambitious young Russian revolutionary, Joseph Stalin, made a drunken wager during an exceptionally violent argument with a bartender. The bet was that his sperm were so potent, he could successfully impregnate a lynx. If he was successful, the bartender would hold a telephone psychic at knifepoint, and force her to predict that Stalin would rule all of Russia. If he failed, he had to feed his own testes to a rabid emu. Late at night, he snuck into the lynx cage in the Moscow Zoo, and raped Chocolate Sexholeski, one of the female lynxs, while the males watched, because that was the only way he could get off. Surprisingly, and in defiance of all the laws of nature, he was right. Nine lynx months later, which is about three human months, a female baby Stalin Lynx was born, and named Red Dawn.
Thirty years later, in Hollywood, Woody Woodpecker had just finished snorting crack in the Warner Brothers men’s room after an especially stressful dress rehearsal, and was off to hump anything that moved. He stumbled up into the hills and came across Mary, a female falcon with very low self esteem. They did many things that made Jesus cry, and this resulted in the birth of a woodpecker falcon hybrid named Uncle Pancakes (the couple were high when they named him).
Skip ahead, to 1962. Red Dawn was in America, working as a Russian spy, under the name Marylin Monroe. Uncle Pancakes had lost his father to alcoholism (well, rather to the resulting coma), and his mother to being bludgeoned with a vodka bottle, by an alcoholic woodpecker. In an attempt to get a fresh start, Uncle Pancakes underwent a great deal of cosmetic surgery, and changed his name to John F. Kennedy. The well known affair between these two led to the birth of a female freakish Stalin-Woodpecker-Lynx-Falcon child, which they agreed must be kept a secret. That child was Eyegle’s mother, Petunia. She was kept in a dumpster outside a Vietnamese restaurant until both of her parents died. Then she roamed the Earth, being mistaken for various mythical beasts. Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, Rush Limbaugh. All Petunia.
In 1982, Petunia met a large dragon named Herbert. The two fell in love, and together they had a child, Eyegle. They loved him very much, until he learned to talk. The following story takes place in late January, 1986...
Eyegle’s Abandonment
(Petunia and Herbert are in the middle of the desert, putting together a makeshift space shuttle.)
Petunia: You got the last part?
Herbert: Yeah. I jacked it from some shuttle called “Challenger” or something...
Petunia: Isn’t that dangerous? What’s going to happen to it, then?
Herbert: How should I know, and why should we care? Do you want to do this or not?
Petunia: You’re right. ...oh God, here he comes again.
(Eyegle hops up to them)
Eyegle: Hi mom and dad! What you doing? What are THAT? Want to hear Eyegle sing? Watch Eyegle dance! (hopping around) Dance dance dance! Dance dance dance! You not looking! Come on! Dance dance dance! DANCE with Eyegle!
Herbert: Dammit, Eyegle! Knock it off!
Petunia: Eyegle, why don’t we play hide and seek again? Go hide, and we’ll try to find you. And remember, you’re a GREAT hider, so it might take us a long, long time to find you.
Eyegle: (squeal) Okays! You no will find Eyegle hiding behind the big sand dune again!
(Eyegle flies behind a nearby sand dune. Herbert continues working on the shuttle for a few moments.)
Herbert: I heard about this planet...technically, this moon of a distant planet...from some of my friends at the bar. It’s filled with vicious dragons...
(He works a bit more, then stops.)
Herbert: There. It’s done. Eyegle, come out here.
Eyegle: (yelling from behind the sand dune) No cheatings! You have to FIND Eyegle!
Petunia: You’re behind the sand dune. Wow, Eyegle, that was clever, hiding in the same place you hid the last thirty-seven times.
(Eyegle flies out and lands next to them.)
Eyegle: Hooray! That fun! Now maybe you hide?
Herbert: Not right now, Eyegle. We have big news for you. You’ve heard of American Idol, right?
(Cut away, to a random irate person, who speaks to the viewer.)
“That’s right. American Idol, in 1986. ‘Ooooh, but it didn’t exist then.’ Well consider this a lesson in shutting the fuck up and being entertained. If you’ve got nothing to do but point out trivial inconsistencies in our story, you’re a sad, sad person, and should be put out of your misery. I’m coming to your house with a chainsaw. So shut your hole and enjoy the story, or murder will happen.”
(Back to Eyegle and his parents.)
Eyegle: American Idol? Aren’t that not the show where people having no talents try to sing, and some do sing, and some cry, and then a winner is picked and forgotten less than one year later?
Herbert: That’s the one! And you’re going to be on it!
Eyegle: (gasp, squeal) Hoorays! Happy day! What should Eyegle sing?
Herbert: Wait, Eyegle. I haven’t told you the best part! You’re so talented, they’re going to hold your audition in outer space! On a far away planet, where there is no chance of survival...err um, I mean no chance of failure!
Eyegle: Of course there are no chance of survival err um failure! Eyegle is number one! Eyegle cannot fail!
Herbert: Well we can’t argue with that! Now hurry! Get in the space ship!
(Eyegle jumps into the space ship, followed by Herbert and Petunia. It takes off, and flies out into space.)
18 years later, the ship is nearing Isprice, the third moon of Evaqua (referenced in the Maverick Knights story. All you need to know right now is, it’s a moon orbitting a very distant planet)
(On the ship. Herbert is driving, with Petunia next to him. Both are looking very annoyed, eyes twitching. Eyegle is inside a small cage in a corner.)
Eyegle: This a small practice booth! Eyegle needs to practice dancing! There are NO room for dancing in here!
Petunia: It’s almost over, right? I can’t wait to sleep again. I miss sleep.
Herbert: We’re getting close, let him out.
(Petunia opens the cage, and Eyegle hops out.)
Eyegle: Phew! That better! Now...(begins to dance around)...Eyegle maniac on the floor! Eyegle dance and never not dance mooore!
(The shuttle lands on Isprice, and the three emerge.)
Eyegle: This are it? Where the judges?
Herbert: They’ll be here soon, Eyegle. And here... (pulls out a bottle of barbeque sauce, and dumps it on Eyegle) this is super sexy barbeque cologne, from France. It will help you win!
Eyegle: Sweet! But Eyegle not need! But is delicious, so okays!
Herbert: Ok, Eyegle. We have to go...ummm...buy a spaceship muffler. But we’ll be back in time for your audition.
Eyegle: Okays! Eyegle will wait, and tell the judges to wait if they get here first!
(Herbert and Petunia get back in the spaceship.)
Petunia: Goodbye, Eyegle!
Herbert: Later, you annoying little shit!
Eyegle: Haha, you both funnies! Byebye!
(The ship takes off.)
Eyegle: Hmm...maybe Eyegle should practice... (begins dancing around) Dance dance dance! Dance dance dance! Eyegle has barbeque sauce! Eyegle smells of edible! Go, go, probably tasty dancing Eyegle! Dance all night and day!
(Soon, a large dragon approaches Eyegle, looking hungry. Eyegle looks up at it.)
Eyegle: Ah...hello Simon!
(The dragon roars angrily at Eyegle.)
Eyegle: You much grumpier in person! Fear not, Eyegle will do a cheerful dance for you!
(The dragon snaps at Eyegle, and Eyegle leaps back.)
Eyegle: Eyegle is thinking, maybe there will not be auditions?
(The dragon snarls, and Eyegle flies away, screaming. The dragon chases him.)
Eyegle: AHHHHHHHH!!!! No eat Eyegle!
(The dragon begins to catch up, snapping at Eyegle, many times only missing by a few inches.)
Eyegle: No eat Eyegle! Eyegle tastes bad! Like...umm...like delicious ham!
(The dragon snaps with greater enthusiasm.)
Eyegle: NO! Like ummm...like barbequed meat!
(The dragon snaps again.)
Eyegle: Not that either! Eyegle is...Eyegle...
(The dragon closes in, and opens its mouth.)
Eyegle: Eyegle has pneumonia!
(The dragon quickly shuts its mouth, pulls back, and hesitates, looking confused. The chase stops.)
Eyegle: Yes! Deadly dragon pneumonia! Eyegle has only one month to live! If you eat Eyegle, then YOU get pneumonia, and will die, and have very expensive dragon hospital bill! And no insurance, because you are a cannibal liability! That are the law!
(The dragon tilts its head, still confused. Then it leans in and growls at Eyegle.)
Eyegle: ACHOOO!
(The dragon quickly pulls its head back, snorts angrily, and runs off.)
Eyegle: Haha! He stupid! There no laws, we are dragons!
(Eyegle begins to wander around aimlessly.)
Eyegle: Greats. Eyegle’s parents abandon him, and with lies about fame! How unparently! Eyegle are an orphan...
(Tears begin to form in Eyegle’s eye. He starts crying.)
Eyegle: Orphaaaaan! No family! (sob) Eyegle are going to grow up to rob convenience stores! Waaaaaahhhhhh!
(He stops crying abruptly.)
Eyegle: No! No, Eyegle, no. It not have to be this way! Now are NOT the time to cry! Now are the time to dance the dance of selfness!
(He starts dancing again, and sings.)
Eyegle: Eyegle will make it on his own! Like slutty girls in trashy sitcoms! Maybe cover insecurity by being sarcastic but witty bitch! Wait... (stops dancing) That are disturbing. Maybe Eyegle just find somewhere to live and dance.
(After some searching, he comes across a large, empty cave. He walks into it, and shouts.)
Eyegle: Hello? ...if anyone can hear in here, you speak now or hold your peaces! ... ... ...if this are unclaimed cave, it are belong to Eyegle now! ... ... ... ...Good! This Eyegle’s home! Very spacious. Very cavelike. Plenty of room for Eyegle to dance!
(He begins dancing)
Eyegle: Test dance! Dance dance dance! Stomp stomp crash! Dance dance thump! (stops) Something are missing... ...oh lordsness! Eyegle are needing music! Hmmm...but music are costing monies...and music player requires more monies. And cave. Cave is not festive enough. Needs decorations. Shiny decorations.
(He pauses for a moment, and bows his head, deep in thought.)
Eyegle: ... ...okays! Is decided! Eyegle are needing currencies! That are to say, golds. But maybe training a bit, first.
(He begins dancing again.)
Eyegle: Dance dance dance, dance dance dance! Training dance, making stronger somehow!
Two hours later. Eyegle is still dancing.
Eyegle: Dance dance! Determined Eyegle! Get lots of golds-okays! Done!
(He walks toward the cave’s exit.)
Eyegle: Eyegle are exhausted from dance training. Perfect time to launch strenuous attack! Time now, for Eyegle to get his G.E.D.! Gold-Earning Dragon!
(He reaches the mouth of the cave, and peers around, scanning his surroundings. He stops when he notices the nearest cave, with a dragon at least ten times his size (Rawr) entering it. However, from Eyegle’s distance, he surmises that it is much smaller than he is.)
Eyegle: Yes! This will do! Eyegle will raid that dragon! Is smaller than Eyegle’s wing!
(He flies up, and toward Rawr’s cave.)
Eyegle: To victories! Eyegle will show you better than to exist where Eyegle can see you!
(Shortly, Eyegle arrives at Rawr’s cave. He approaches the entrance cautiously, and peers inside. Rawr is sleeping on top of a large pile of gold and jewels.)
Eyegle: (gasp) This are lucky for Eyegle! Foolish enemy dragon is bigger than expected, but sleeping.
(He very carefully enters the cave, hopping softly, stopping and waiting whenever Rawr moves, seeming like his goal is to steal her gold without waking her. But instead, he very softly and carefully makes his way right next to Rawr’s ear, and shouts into it.)
Eyegle: HELLO DRAGON!!
Ok. So Becky is writing Rawr’s story, right now, and I’m working on the story about how Eyegle met up with us. But that story is part of the Maverick Knights series, and doesn’t include Eyegle’s actual back story. So since Rawr and Eyegle’s first encounter coincides with Eyegle’s first day on his home planet (moon, actually), I thought we could attach it at the end of Eyegle’s back story. So at the end of this story, we’ll be writing Eyegle and Rawr’s first encounter by means of comments. (Please post each as a new comment rather than a reply to the previous comment, to avoid a serious text crampage issue.)
Eyegle’s Heritage
The chain of events that would eventually produce Eyegle were highly unusual, to say the least. It started in 1910, when an ambitious young Russian revolutionary, Joseph Stalin, made a drunken wager during an exceptionally violent argument with a bartender. The bet was that his sperm were so potent, he could successfully impregnate a lynx. If he was successful, the bartender would hold a telephone psychic at knifepoint, and force her to predict that Stalin would rule all of Russia. If he failed, he had to feed his own testes to a rabid emu. Late at night, he snuck into the lynx cage in the Moscow Zoo, and raped Chocolate Sexholeski, one of the female lynxs, while the males watched, because that was the only way he could get off. Surprisingly, and in defiance of all the laws of nature, he was right. Nine lynx months later, which is about three human months, a female baby Stalin Lynx was born, and named Red Dawn.
Thirty years later, in Hollywood, Woody Woodpecker had just finished snorting crack in the Warner Brothers men’s room after an especially stressful dress rehearsal, and was off to hump anything that moved. He stumbled up into the hills and came across Mary, a female falcon with very low self esteem. They did many things that made Jesus cry, and this resulted in the birth of a woodpecker falcon hybrid named Uncle Pancakes (the couple were high when they named him).
Skip ahead, to 1962. Red Dawn was in America, working as a Russian spy, under the name Marylin Monroe. Uncle Pancakes had lost his father to alcoholism (well, rather to the resulting coma), and his mother to being bludgeoned with a vodka bottle, by an alcoholic woodpecker. In an attempt to get a fresh start, Uncle Pancakes underwent a great deal of cosmetic surgery, and changed his name to John F. Kennedy. The well known affair between these two led to the birth of a female freakish Stalin-Woodpecker-Lynx-Falcon child, which they agreed must be kept a secret. That child was Eyegle’s mother, Petunia. She was kept in a dumpster outside a Vietnamese restaurant until both of her parents died. Then she roamed the Earth, being mistaken for various mythical beasts. Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster, Rush Limbaugh. All Petunia.
In 1982, Petunia met a large dragon named Herbert. The two fell in love, and together they had a child, Eyegle. They loved him very much, until he learned to talk. The following story takes place in late January, 1986...
Eyegle’s Abandonment
(Petunia and Herbert are in the middle of the desert, putting together a makeshift space shuttle.)
Petunia: You got the last part?
Herbert: Yeah. I jacked it from some shuttle called “Challenger” or something...
Petunia: Isn’t that dangerous? What’s going to happen to it, then?
Herbert: How should I know, and why should we care? Do you want to do this or not?
Petunia: You’re right. ...oh God, here he comes again.
(Eyegle hops up to them)
Eyegle: Hi mom and dad! What you doing? What are THAT? Want to hear Eyegle sing? Watch Eyegle dance! (hopping around) Dance dance dance! Dance dance dance! You not looking! Come on! Dance dance dance! DANCE with Eyegle!
Herbert: Dammit, Eyegle! Knock it off!
Petunia: Eyegle, why don’t we play hide and seek again? Go hide, and we’ll try to find you. And remember, you’re a GREAT hider, so it might take us a long, long time to find you.
Eyegle: (squeal) Okays! You no will find Eyegle hiding behind the big sand dune again!
(Eyegle flies behind a nearby sand dune. Herbert continues working on the shuttle for a few moments.)
Herbert: I heard about this planet...technically, this moon of a distant planet...from some of my friends at the bar. It’s filled with vicious dragons...
(He works a bit more, then stops.)
Herbert: There. It’s done. Eyegle, come out here.
Eyegle: (yelling from behind the sand dune) No cheatings! You have to FIND Eyegle!
Petunia: You’re behind the sand dune. Wow, Eyegle, that was clever, hiding in the same place you hid the last thirty-seven times.
(Eyegle flies out and lands next to them.)
Eyegle: Hooray! That fun! Now maybe you hide?
Herbert: Not right now, Eyegle. We have big news for you. You’ve heard of American Idol, right?
(Cut away, to a random irate person, who speaks to the viewer.)
“That’s right. American Idol, in 1986. ‘Ooooh, but it didn’t exist then.’ Well consider this a lesson in shutting the fuck up and being entertained. If you’ve got nothing to do but point out trivial inconsistencies in our story, you’re a sad, sad person, and should be put out of your misery. I’m coming to your house with a chainsaw. So shut your hole and enjoy the story, or murder will happen.”
(Back to Eyegle and his parents.)
Eyegle: American Idol? Aren’t that not the show where people having no talents try to sing, and some do sing, and some cry, and then a winner is picked and forgotten less than one year later?
Herbert: That’s the one! And you’re going to be on it!
Eyegle: (gasp, squeal) Hoorays! Happy day! What should Eyegle sing?
Herbert: Wait, Eyegle. I haven’t told you the best part! You’re so talented, they’re going to hold your audition in outer space! On a far away planet, where there is no chance of survival...err um, I mean no chance of failure!
Eyegle: Of course there are no chance of survival err um failure! Eyegle is number one! Eyegle cannot fail!
Herbert: Well we can’t argue with that! Now hurry! Get in the space ship!
(Eyegle jumps into the space ship, followed by Herbert and Petunia. It takes off, and flies out into space.)
18 years later, the ship is nearing Isprice, the third moon of Evaqua (referenced in the Maverick Knights story. All you need to know right now is, it’s a moon orbitting a very distant planet)
(On the ship. Herbert is driving, with Petunia next to him. Both are looking very annoyed, eyes twitching. Eyegle is inside a small cage in a corner.)
Eyegle: This a small practice booth! Eyegle needs to practice dancing! There are NO room for dancing in here!
Petunia: It’s almost over, right? I can’t wait to sleep again. I miss sleep.
Herbert: We’re getting close, let him out.
(Petunia opens the cage, and Eyegle hops out.)
Eyegle: Phew! That better! Now...(begins to dance around)...Eyegle maniac on the floor! Eyegle dance and never not dance mooore!
(The shuttle lands on Isprice, and the three emerge.)
Eyegle: This are it? Where the judges?
Herbert: They’ll be here soon, Eyegle. And here... (pulls out a bottle of barbeque sauce, and dumps it on Eyegle) this is super sexy barbeque cologne, from France. It will help you win!
Eyegle: Sweet! But Eyegle not need! But is delicious, so okays!
Herbert: Ok, Eyegle. We have to go...ummm...buy a spaceship muffler. But we’ll be back in time for your audition.
Eyegle: Okays! Eyegle will wait, and tell the judges to wait if they get here first!
(Herbert and Petunia get back in the spaceship.)
Petunia: Goodbye, Eyegle!
Herbert: Later, you annoying little shit!
Eyegle: Haha, you both funnies! Byebye!
(The ship takes off.)
Eyegle: Hmm...maybe Eyegle should practice... (begins dancing around) Dance dance dance! Dance dance dance! Eyegle has barbeque sauce! Eyegle smells of edible! Go, go, probably tasty dancing Eyegle! Dance all night and day!
(Soon, a large dragon approaches Eyegle, looking hungry. Eyegle looks up at it.)
Eyegle: Ah...hello Simon!
(The dragon roars angrily at Eyegle.)
Eyegle: You much grumpier in person! Fear not, Eyegle will do a cheerful dance for you!
(The dragon snaps at Eyegle, and Eyegle leaps back.)
Eyegle: Eyegle is thinking, maybe there will not be auditions?
(The dragon snarls, and Eyegle flies away, screaming. The dragon chases him.)
Eyegle: AHHHHHHHH!!!! No eat Eyegle!
(The dragon begins to catch up, snapping at Eyegle, many times only missing by a few inches.)
Eyegle: No eat Eyegle! Eyegle tastes bad! Like...umm...like delicious ham!
(The dragon snaps with greater enthusiasm.)
Eyegle: NO! Like ummm...like barbequed meat!
(The dragon snaps again.)
Eyegle: Not that either! Eyegle is...Eyegle...
(The dragon closes in, and opens its mouth.)
Eyegle: Eyegle has pneumonia!
(The dragon quickly shuts its mouth, pulls back, and hesitates, looking confused. The chase stops.)
Eyegle: Yes! Deadly dragon pneumonia! Eyegle has only one month to live! If you eat Eyegle, then YOU get pneumonia, and will die, and have very expensive dragon hospital bill! And no insurance, because you are a cannibal liability! That are the law!
(The dragon tilts its head, still confused. Then it leans in and growls at Eyegle.)
Eyegle: ACHOOO!
(The dragon quickly pulls its head back, snorts angrily, and runs off.)
Eyegle: Haha! He stupid! There no laws, we are dragons!
(Eyegle begins to wander around aimlessly.)
Eyegle: Greats. Eyegle’s parents abandon him, and with lies about fame! How unparently! Eyegle are an orphan...
(Tears begin to form in Eyegle’s eye. He starts crying.)
Eyegle: Orphaaaaan! No family! (sob) Eyegle are going to grow up to rob convenience stores! Waaaaaahhhhhh!
(He stops crying abruptly.)
Eyegle: No! No, Eyegle, no. It not have to be this way! Now are NOT the time to cry! Now are the time to dance the dance of selfness!
(He starts dancing again, and sings.)
Eyegle: Eyegle will make it on his own! Like slutty girls in trashy sitcoms! Maybe cover insecurity by being sarcastic but witty bitch! Wait... (stops dancing) That are disturbing. Maybe Eyegle just find somewhere to live and dance.
(After some searching, he comes across a large, empty cave. He walks into it, and shouts.)
Eyegle: Hello? ...if anyone can hear in here, you speak now or hold your peaces! ... ... ...if this are unclaimed cave, it are belong to Eyegle now! ... ... ... ...Good! This Eyegle’s home! Very spacious. Very cavelike. Plenty of room for Eyegle to dance!
(He begins dancing)
Eyegle: Test dance! Dance dance dance! Stomp stomp crash! Dance dance thump! (stops) Something are missing... ...oh lordsness! Eyegle are needing music! Hmmm...but music are costing monies...and music player requires more monies. And cave. Cave is not festive enough. Needs decorations. Shiny decorations.
(He pauses for a moment, and bows his head, deep in thought.)
Eyegle: ... ...okays! Is decided! Eyegle are needing currencies! That are to say, golds. But maybe training a bit, first.
(He begins dancing again.)
Eyegle: Dance dance dance, dance dance dance! Training dance, making stronger somehow!
Two hours later. Eyegle is still dancing.
Eyegle: Dance dance! Determined Eyegle! Get lots of golds-okays! Done!
(He walks toward the cave’s exit.)
Eyegle: Eyegle are exhausted from dance training. Perfect time to launch strenuous attack! Time now, for Eyegle to get his G.E.D.! Gold-Earning Dragon!
(He reaches the mouth of the cave, and peers around, scanning his surroundings. He stops when he notices the nearest cave, with a dragon at least ten times his size (Rawr) entering it. However, from Eyegle’s distance, he surmises that it is much smaller than he is.)
Eyegle: Yes! This will do! Eyegle will raid that dragon! Is smaller than Eyegle’s wing!
(He flies up, and toward Rawr’s cave.)
Eyegle: To victories! Eyegle will show you better than to exist where Eyegle can see you!
(Shortly, Eyegle arrives at Rawr’s cave. He approaches the entrance cautiously, and peers inside. Rawr is sleeping on top of a large pile of gold and jewels.)
Eyegle: (gasp) This are lucky for Eyegle! Foolish enemy dragon is bigger than expected, but sleeping.
(He very carefully enters the cave, hopping softly, stopping and waiting whenever Rawr moves, seeming like his goal is to steal her gold without waking her. But instead, he very softly and carefully makes his way right next to Rawr’s ear, and shouts into it.)
Eyegle: HELLO DRAGON!!
