Love Without Jealousy

Good Poly

2008-07-13T13:22:31Z

I had merit-badge style patches made with this design

Thought some of you might like to award these digitally to folks in your life.

understanding poly better...

2008-07-13T07:55:38Z

after going through a very rough secondary relationship, my boyfriend is really giving us the first real chance we've ever had in 5 years to really explore our relationship together. we are really bonding and making an effort to understand eachother better and see if we really do have a future together.

so far, the outlook is good. we are currently casually seeing a mutual friend who is absolutely beautiful and attracted to both of us and just all around a great person to be near.

nakes me very happy.

just thought i would share.

-jess-

Loving More: Survey; and West Coast Conf. July 25-27

2008-06-27T18:58:52Z

Hi all!

I have a couple of things to announce related to Loving More® Non-profit:

1) Loving More® needs YOUR opinions! What do you like about Loving More®: the magazine, the retreats, 1-day conferences, something else? What would you like to see done differently? Express your opinions in the survey on the top of the main Loving More® page: http://www.lovemore.com/

2) In other news, I was wrong about the cutoff for "regular" registration for the Loving More® West Coast conference. Turns out that late registration doesn't start till after July 1st, so you still have a few days before the next price increase. There are also payment plans, partial scholarships, and partial work-trade arrangements, to help you with the cost. It's a great conference, and Akien and I have gone every year for quite some time now. Check out more information below, including how to register.

Thanks, and I hope to see some of you in Willits!

dawnd

***********************************
Hi all:

Akien and I will once again be presenting at the Loving More® West Coast Polyamory Retreat, July 25-27, 2008. [Update: We'll probably be presenting on "The Five Love Languages" and "Tools for Moving Through Jealousy".] "Regular" registration ends July 1, so if you know you want to join us, register now!

Best wishes,

dawnd
+++++++++++++++++++++

[Please forward to interested people and/or lists!]

Last chance for "regular" registration, July 1, 2008, is fast approaching!

Loving More® (http://www.lovemore.com/), the creator of the longest running polyamory-focused conferences, is pleased to announce the 22nd consecutive year of Loving More Conference Retreats, July 25th, through July 27th, 2008 (http://www.lovemore.com/WestCoast_2008.shtm).

Since 1986 it has been the Loving More® mission to support and educate people about polyamory. This year the Loving More 2008 West Coast Polyamory Conference Retreat will again be hosted at the beautiful Brooktrails Lodge in Willits, California (about 2 hours north of the San Francisco Bay Area). Three years ago we relocated the West Coast conference from our former facility at Harbin in order to better meet our attendees’ needs. This wonderful facility in the California redwoods has been chosen for its privacy and comfortable hotel-style accommodations. Reserved for conference attendees only, lodge facilities include hiking trails, hot tubs and many comfortable, cozy places to sit and connect with others. Meals and hotel-style lodging are included in the price.

Come join us in Willits, and experience a journey toward growth and transformation in loving partnerships. Together with the help of our experienced presenters and facilitators, the Loving More® conference offers a unique polyamory retreat experience. As always, our intention is to create an opportunity for in-depth learning, personal growth, and expansion of relationship skills in safe and loving environment. In addition to the opportunities for learning and connection, we will also have plenty of fun play time, including a Saturday evening sensual festival that attendees will help to co-create.

Workshops are designed to help polyamorous singles, couples, triads and more to learn, expand, and improve skills needed for satisfying romantic partnerships. Whether you are new to polyamory, just curious, or you have been in a loving network for 20 years, we have workshops designed to address your particular needs.

Opportunities to learn:
• Polyamory skills 101
• Establishing and maintaining good boundaries with your loves
• Creating and using agreements
• Dealing with jealousy
• How to deepen intimacy with all your partners
• Negotiating—boundaries, agreements, and more
• Building trust in long term polyamory
• Expanding your horizons and facilitating personal growth
• Receiving and giving touch in a loving, respectful manner

Opportunities to experience:
• Connecting with people of like mind from across the country
• A place to be your authentic self
• Exploring possibilities in relationships
• Music, dance and play time
• Community building
• Exploring outside your comfort zone in a safe environment
• LIVE music by Jack van Breen!
• Heart- and mind-expanding workshops taught by experienced facilitators
• Tasty buffet meals prepared on-site
• Building additional intimate connections

Full three day/two night retreat, lodging and meals included:
(http://www.lovemore.com/WestCoast_2008.shtm)

Registration (1/1/08 - 7/1/08)
Members: $335; Non-Members*: $375

Late Registration (After July 1, 2008)
Members: $375; Non-Members*: $410

(*Non-Member price includes four-issue/one year basic membership)

To Register please call us at 303-543-7540
Or register at the website:
http://www.lovemore.com/WestCoast_2008.shtm

We are looking forward to seeing YOU very soon!

Sincerely,

Robyn Trask
Managing Director
robyn@lovemore.com
Loving More® Non-profit
www.lovemore.com
303-543-7540

Book Club Assignment #5 is now due

2008-06-03T05:07:22Z

We are now discussing Leaving Cheyenne at the Poly Book Club. Come join the discussion!

New burst of positive media coverage

2008-05-20T03:50:02Z

If you haven't been reading Polyamory in the News in the last three months — or haven't friended the nice LJ feed for it at LiveJournal polymedia — here's some of what you missed:

"Internet Pushes Polyamory to its Tipping Point". If this Wired magazine writer is right, the bandwagon is starting to roll downhill ahead of us. Should we run up and grab the steering wheel while we still can?

Redbook, Glamour, and Marie Claire all offer positive profiles of open and poly marriages.

Jenny Block, whose book on her poly life has just hit bookstores, becomes a feminist poly columnist for the Huffington Post. She asks us for our topic suggestions....

Time magazine devotes four pages to the bonobo culture wars (waged in the Wall Street Journal and alternative culture, not among the apes themselves), and to successful efforts to save their Congo habitat. Yes, Time concludes, the critters really do have something important to teach us about human possibilities.

When Tilda Swinton won an Oscar her poly relationship raised much buzz, which she handled with aplomb.

The Tilda Swinton buzz got Polyamory Weekly podcaster Cunning Minx a nice writeup in her hometown Chicago paper. And that got her on Chicago radio to take on a couple of dumb morning talk jocks.

Loving More magazine is back.

"Gleaned through work with my clients and a series of in-depth interviews," writes a New York therapist, "I offer you some examples of non-monogamous relationships, the elements that have them be workable, the challenges that come along with them, and the reasons why the people have chosen to set up their lifestyles and love-styles thus."

Akien MacIain, on the radio in a poly-versus-mono discussion: "In the beginning there was God. And God was infinite and knew everything, except what it was to be finite. So one day God split itself up into zillions of little bits and commanded them all forget that they were one, and to go figure out what it was to be finite. And so we are all those little bits of God the infinite, learning what is to be finite." Not what the mono side expected?

Voice of America, in a global TV news broadcast, plays it down the middle.

Good Poly 101 advice for Staten Island.

Deep in the Bible Belt, a founder of Focus On Christ Ministries denounces polyamory as depraved — and one of our best people, trained in theology by the Jesuits, returns a Biblical reply. Save this for discussions with your Christian relatives.

Poly makes splashes at the University of Maryland, Washington University in St. Louis, and University of North Carolina/Greensboro.

And finally, best of all: the Washington Post covered Loving More's Poly Living Conference with a long feature article. Never mind the mild snarks and cringe-makers. This is the best, truest-to-life article about us that I recall in the bigtime media.

------------------

Here's the site: Polyamory in the News (http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com). The most recent 10 items are up front. Here are the February, March, and April archives.

Here's where to get the LJ friends feed.

I've done 211 of these reports in the last three years. They're sorted in the archive by category, month, and sometimes location. I hope you have as much fun browsing them as I had creating them.

Now, for discussion: Loving More is surveying its members and supporters and asking, among other things, for their thoughts on the last three years of media attention. What to you think?

-- Great that the media are paying such positive attention; it’ll make our lives easier.
-- Nice that we’re getting this coverage, but they don't really get polyamory.
-- Doesn't matter.
-- May harm more than help.
-- Hate it; I don't want polyamory becoming visible.

Cheers,

Alan

(...who is always looking for news stories. If you see a noteworthy one that I miss, please let me know: alan7388 [at] gmail [dot] com.)

(Crossposted)

Poly Book Club #4 Is Due

2008-05-03T06:17:42Z

Sometimes It IS About The Sex

Polyamorists have a phrase, "It's not all about the sex". What they mean is that it's not ALL about the sex. The point is not to downplay or ignore that our relationships are sexual, it's to focus on the multidimensionality of our relationships, to focus on the relating to each other that may or may not include sex. This is opposed to relationships that are purely about sex, that have no other quality, no other dimension, no other purpose.

But, what makes us different from monogamists is that we do have multiple sexual relationships. If it weren't for the sex, we'd just be a bunch of friends. Friends, even in the monogamous world, can have many different levels of intimacy, from social acquaintances to closest, lifetime confidantes. So can polyamorous relationships. The difference is the sex. So, at some point, we do have to address the question of how to handle multiple sexual relationships.

And that's what the book The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt tries to answer.

Come visit our online bookclub to read the rest of the review and discuss it with us!

Next book is Leaving Cheyenne by Larry McMurty due June 1st.

5/10 Loving More 1 day in New Mexico--Early reg discount extended!

2008-05-02T03:33:37Z

Loving More "Loving Choices"--A Relationship Seminar
Presented by Loving More Non-profit Organization
303-543-7540
Saturday May 10, 2008, 8:00am-6:00pm
Santa Fe, New Mexico--Holiday Inn
Early Registration extended to May 5 (for online registration only)!

Loving More, the host of the longest running polyamory conferences, is pleased to announce a new one day Seminar Series "Loving Choices," focused on choosing what is right for you. Loving More brings over 22 years of experience in teaching skills for alternative relating. Who says that love has to follow a specific set of rules that limit how you love others? Why pretend to be someone you're not? Do you feel like you can't be your honest self? Are you already involved in a polyamorous relationship and looking to improve your relationship skills? We invite you to attend a "Loving Choices" seminar to expand your repertoire of ways to enjoy being your authentic self.

Loving More is excited to bring this amazing seminar series for the first time to New Mexico!

Workshops by:
* New Mexico's own Mim Chapman, Ph.D.
* Loving More Managing Editor Robyn Trask
* Sex Educator Amira Rain
* Loving More Board member Jesus Garcia

Workshops include a variety of important relationship topics including safer sex; communication and agreements that work; exploring the variety of relationship choices; an introduction to the Myers-Brigs personality model; and much more!

What you will have the opportunity to learn:
* New models beyond marriage and monogamy
* Communication skills
* Being real and honest about what you need and want
* Making agreements that work for you
* Dating: finding people of like mind
* Managing emotions and jealousy
* Enjoying pleasure and letting go of shame
* Poly living styles: knowing what you want
* Polyamory 101

Who might wish to attend:
* those seeking to improve their polyamorous relationships and deepen their connections with partners
* people new to or exploring polyamory as a possible choice in their personal relationships
* Therapists, counselors and others who work in the relationship field
* Those who are looking to better their relationships with new points of view

Evening Party with Live Entertainment!
Following the Seminar is an optional Loving More celebration and evening social. This is a chance to meet and socialize with other poly-friendly people. Food, beverages (non-alcoholic), and live musical entertainment provided.

REGISTRATION INFORMATION
Early Registration Extended to May 5, 2008 for online only!

Full Day (9:00am-6:00pm) Buffet Lunch included
* Seminar & Evening Social: $125
* Seminar Only: $110

Half Day (limited availability, no lunch)
Morning (9:00am-1:00pm) or Afternoon (2:00pm-6:00pm)
* Half Day Seminar & Evening Social: $85
* Half Day Seminar Only: $65
_________________

After May 5:

Full Day (at the door):
* Seminar & Evening Social: $130
* Seminar Only: $110

Half Day (at the door):
* Half Day Seminar & Evening Social: $95
* Half Day Seminar Only: (Only by arrangement)
_________________

Social ONLY:
Pre-registered ONLY: $30

Loving More members receive an additional 10% discount on the seminar!

$25 Cancellation Fee - No Refunds After May 2, 2008

Space is limited and pre-registration is highly recommended! Call before showing up at the door to make sure we still have room!
Register online at www.lovemore.com or call 303-543-7540

Loving More Non-profit Organization
PO BOX 4358
Boulder, CO 80306
www.lovemore.com

© 2008 Loving More Non-Profit Organization. All Rights Reserved.

The way that we are programmed?

2008-04-08T22:15:38Z

I was listening to one of the "sex is fun" podcasts yesterday, the one about "sexual mistakes I never want to make" and Kidder mentioned one of his hangups / questionable beliefs, which was something along the lines of:

"If you enjoy the sex with someone, then you are going to fall in love with them... that's kind of the way that we are programmed to go... men not to the same extent, but women who have orgasms with someone shouldnt have do that unless they want to fall in love with them..."

Now, this is out of context, and there was an edge of satire to what he was saying, but there was a serious undertone - being that many folk - and especially women - are genetically programmed to fall in love if they have good sex, and thereafter be exclusively focussed on that partner, to the exclusion of all others.

Are we really programmed to be this way? (or are *women* really programmed to be this way?) Or rather, how common is this kind of programming?

Compersion is...

2008-04-08T14:24:19Z

I found the comm thru an interest search for polyamory.

Compersion is taking your fiance out to buy flowers for the girl he's wooing, and offering to help pay for the bouquet without being paid back when he finds one a little out of his price range... And feeling excited and happy for him when you're sitting on the couch eating pizza and watching romance movies while he spends his first night over there... waiting up for him to get home from a late date so you can hear all the sordid details...

Compersion is being held in the arms of your boyfriend, sobbing like an idiot and having second thoughts about getting married to your primary partner, and even though your boyfriend would dearly love to have you all to himself, compersion is him comforting you anyway and helping to assuage your fears about the wedding and the marriage, and not feeling at all strange about it.

Struggling with jealousy

2008-04-08T03:10:53Z

I am in a poly Master/slave relationship. It's been quite a journey, since this began as two separate relationships that are working toward poly...we aren't quite there, yet. Sir's other girl and I are becoming closer and closer friends, and I am grateful for her because she can meet certain of his needs that I am not capable of meeting due to family responsibilities.

The jealousy now is not specific to her...and it may be more like envy than jealousy per se. An example: Tonight he went home sick. I could not go with him and take care of him because I have a small child. He understands and was not upset with me or anything like that; he just needed to be home where his meds were. So, he assured me he would be fine and would call his other girl to come take care of him. I am glad he is not alone. I am sincerely happy that she can be with him while he is ill, but I'm miserable that I can't be. I get jealous that he needs her at times like these.

How can I refocus my feelings? I know I should just be happy that he's not alone while he is sick, and I am happy about that, but this other negative feeling won't go away. Granted, the last time this happened, I was more unhappy and not capable of being grateful that she can serve him when I can't. So I guess there has been progress...

Any thoughts? Or is this topic better for M/s or BDSM communities?

Thanks,
emme

Lots of new users

2008-04-08T00:04:57Z

We've had about 9 times the normal rate of users joining over the past few days. I encourage new people (or anybody else for that matter) to say something about how they found us and share a story about compersion in their lives if they have one. :-)

New Male Birth Control Pill

2008-04-05T17:46:03Z

That's right, it's not just science-fiction or wishful thinking anymore:

http://www.rediff.com/money/2008/mar/28iit.htm

""We have been trying to develop a non-surgical male contraceptive for ten years now. The contraceptive works through an injection that affects the sperm's ability to fertilise. Simultaneously, we have also invented an antidote which guarantees its immediately reversibility."

I am looking forward to its full disclosure at this convention to more fully understand it's success rate and side effects.

**UPDATE**

Thanks to a comment in one of the other places I posted this, here's a link for more detailed information of how it works. A very, very simple explanation is that it electrifies the vas deferens so that sperm gets blasted apart as it travels through on its way out.

That's WAY cool!

What?

2008-04-01T13:17:46Z

I'm taking exception to the Wiki definition of compersion:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compersion

Ye gods!

That definition is SO shallow and sounds more like the reaction of a voyeur. Although the 'pleasure' part certainly can be there, I'm horrified at the pat answer that makes all poly folk seem so shallow. I would much prefer a definition denoting the feeling of sincere joy when sharing, learning of or witnessing someone else's happiness or good fortune.

I truly don't think that compersion is, or should be, limited to practitioners of poly-fidelity.

Thought, brickbats? Somebody to go and change wiki to be more accurate?

Book Club Assigment #3 is Due

2008-03-31T22:35:47Z

Once again, I'm running late and since no one responded on time, I pushed the deadline back to March 31st. The first review for Assignment #3 is in:

Summer People
By Marge Piercy

This book claims to be a “strikingly intimate one, focusing on the lives of three dedicated artists in a small Cape Cod Community”. It centers on a triad found, surprisingly, in the quiet backwoods of New England. Susan and Willie have been married for many years with two children and living on a property with two houses on the banks of a Lake, one of the very few year-round residents. Susan is a fabric designer and Willie specializes in political sculptures. Dinah and her husband rent their small house on the same property while he is ill. After her husband dies, Dinah befriends the couple, particularly Susan. In an effort to stretch herself in, what she thinks of as a backwards, hick town, Susan begins an affair with Dinah. Willie, a rather open-minded sort, doesn’t mind his wife’s sexual expression and eventually falls in love with Dinah himself. 10 years later, our story begins.

Read more about this book at http://www.shelfari.com/groups/12041/discussions/31853/Book-3---Summer-People-by-Marge-Piercy and contribute your own thoughts about Summer People!

Next Book Club Assignment: #4 - The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton

HPV Info

2008-03-30T17:21:04Z

In setting boundaries in my open relationships, the biggest issue lately has been surrounding HPV. It has been confusing and frustrating and the lack of research/information about it is appalling. However! I just recently came across the most comprehensive collection of information about the virus that I think exists at this point, and thought other people would be glad to have it as a resource, too.

It's a zine made by the Down There Health Collective in Washington DC.
You can order one by sending $2 to...
The HPV Zine
737 Quebec Place NW
Washington DC, 20010
or email them at...
downtherehealth at mutualaid dot org

Happy fucking!

Enlivening this community

2008-03-25T06:15:05Z

I've really liked some of the happy poly stories and really positive things posted in this community. I like how even when people have asked for advice we've largely avoided being snarky or mean to them. I also really appreciate the poly book club posts by joreth and the poly in the news postings by alan7388. There are many things I like about the tone here, and all of you bear the responsibility for that.

I do wish though that we were a bit more active. It would be nice if more things were posted that were personally relevant to the poster. Does anybody here have any ideas on how to encourage this?

Poly Book Club Assignment #2

2008-02-28T01:46:18Z

I'm WAY behind, but I finally have my first post about Love Without Limits:

Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits
by Deborah Anapol

I originally read this book about 7 years ago, very shortly after discovering the word "polyamory". I read the book and highlighted it and made notes in the margins. Then I would loan the book to prospective partners (who did not know what polyamory was) to explain it. Back then, it was a valuable resource because I could explain both what polyamory was and what it meant to me personally.

But I'm a different person now.

I found the book to be still fairly valuable. But part of the problem I had with the book is that I am about as far from New Age as you can get (whereas back then, I was more friendly towards it).

The book covers topics like "What Is Polyamory: facts, definitions, forms", "The Ethics", "Is It Right For Me", "8 Steps To Successful Poly", "Jealousy As A Gatekeeper" and others.

For the most part, as long as I could ignore any reference to Tantra and other "spiritual polyamory", I still find this book to be a good, basic primer. But I now take exception to all the sections and even subtle comments threaded throughout the book regarding Tantra and spirituality. I would like to see a poly primer be able to separate itself out from the overlapping subcultures so that it can apply more universally and not give a newbie the impression while reading that all polyamorists are into Tantra or communing with their inner Goddesses or meet all their partners at sci-fi conventions or that joining the SCA is an integral part of being poly, or any other subculture that happens to strongly overlap with polyamorists.

I also think it was overly optimistic, dare I even say, naive, about the positive benefits on the world that polyamory has or could have. While I whole-heartedly believe that the skills necessary to maintain poly relationships can benefit all other types of love-based relationships, that does not automatically make polyamory a relationship model that changes the world. I hesitate to use phrases like "poly makes you a more evolved person" - because it doesn't. You can still be insecure and possessive and not know yourself very well and engage in poly relationships, just like you can and be monogamous. You will probably have a very low success rate, but you can still be "poly" and be insecure indefinately. You can even be poly and *not* desire to become "more evolved", as the book states explicitly. Monogamous people can also desire to become "more evolved" and never end up exploring polyamory.

As with all relationships, the success and the benefits of the relationship depend more on the people involved than on the particular style or configuration. There are plenty of stable familes raising children who aren't poly. Some are monogamous nuclear families, some are single parents with extended family, some are divorced families. And there are certainly plenty of poly families that *I* know of that aren't stable in the slightest! And that's because of the people involved.

Her third optimistic point is that poly families are more ecologically responsible. Again, this is not a side effect of being poly - it has to do with the people involved. I don't live with any of my partners, so we have to do a lot of driving to see each other, and we all maintain separate households. This is not ecologically responsible, but it's how our lifestyles work out the best for each of us at this time. Being poly doesn't mean I automatically want to share my house and car. In fact, being poly allows me to *not* share my house and car and other resources!

Polyamory can help promote more egalitarian social structures, but there are some poly families that prefer more "traditional" roles for each gender, where the men have the alpha position and the women stay home and raise the kids, etc.

Some things I liked about the book include the first chapter that emphasizes the positive aspects of polyamory, such as the responsibility part of "responsible non-monogamy", a look at the stats for the cheating monogamous world, an emphasis on the loving part of the multiple-relationships (to exclude casual swinging and casual sex), and a brief glimpse into various configurations.

It touches upon the ethics, giving a set of guidelines that includes honesty, consent, different forms of "commitment" that may or may not include sexual fidelity (specifically stating that "commitment" does not have to mean "til death do we part no matter what" but does mean long-term intentions of support), and respect for boundaries.

One thing that I particularly liked is that she categorizes different types of Jealousy, which can be very helpful for breaking down one's emotional response to an upsetting situation that might aid in attacking and defeating the negative emotional reactions. Although I think the first category, Exclusion Jealousy, sounds more like "envy", but having a term and a category can be helpful elimination tools. It's hard to fight something when you don't know what it is you're fighting. Anapol also offers a technique called "systematic desensitization" to help manage jealousy which may work for some, but not necessarily for everyone.

Another bit I liked was in the section on Coming Out where she discusses the price to pay for remaining in the closet. This is an issue I feel strongly about so I'm glad to see it mentioned here. Some people may still feel the price is worth it, but at least this way, newbies get to see that there *is* a price, because many people will only see the price to pay for coming out, not staying closeted.

There is a line near the end of the book where she discusses how to "Build Your Tribe": "My observation is that multiple partner lovestyles have much potential for both enhancing the dance of life and for wreaking havoc." The overall tone of the book and the last chapter are obviously very for polyamory as a valid romantic relationship style, so the admittance of some of the drawbacks and negatives to polyamory is very important in preventing this book from being a completely worthless Free Love hippie philosophy that doesn't have any practical application.

She does seem somewhat negative on the ability of quad-style arrangements to work. She mentions in two separate configuration-building categories that 4-people groups tend to self-select down to 3 people. She also seems to insist that same-gender bonding must occur for the success of the relationship. Her idea, I think, is to point out how damaging even the slightest homophobic tendencies can be, but I propose that a relationship does not need "bonding" as long as the same-gender members do not have negative views about their own gender. For instance, I have not "bonded" with my other metamours, but I don't have any homophobic issues *and* I don't have any personal issues with the women specifically. Therefore, there is no "bonding" necessary to maintain a happy configuration between the same-sex metamours.

So, my overall opinion of the book is that it is still the best (and possibly only?) poly primer out there, but I do have some serious reservations with Anapol's assumptions that spirituality and Tantra are an integral part of polyamory. But, until something better comes along, I still recommend this book, with the caveat to take what one finds valuable and leave the rest.

Next book assigment: Summer People by Marge Piercy, due March 15th. Check us out at the Polyamory Book Club at Shelfari

compersion @ 2008-02-21T03:07:00

2008-02-21T08:08:53Z

As many of you might know, I am the creator of Stagehand Tees. It has primarily backstage-related t-shirts, but it also has a non-tech section with t-shirts that I just like that have nothing to do with the industry. Well, the number of poly-themed shirts is growing so large, that I had to create Poly Tees to accomodate!

So, please come on by and check it out! Poly-themed t-shirts with our new variation on the PolyDragon, our own version of the Heart/Infinity, the Poly Formula, and a bunch of humorous non-monogamous t-shirts!

Please feel free to spread the word!

http://www.polytees.com

FPR Registration Ending soon!

2008-02-19T03:02:58Z

General Registration for Florida Poly Retreat 2008 will be ending on March 15, 2008. If you wish to Register on a Payment Plan, you've got to get those Registrations in today, and have them paid off by February 28, 2008.

If you've already Registered with a Payment Plan, get that money in by Paypal or check to Registration, c/o Florida Poly Retreat, 14324 SE 59th Court, Summerfield, FL 34491. You can download a Registration form at http://www.floridapolyretreat.com/mail-in.pdf .

If you're interested in attending and staying onsite and/or joining us for meals - please register soon, as Pre-paid Registration using Paypal will close on March 15, 2008!

We have a great retreat planned. Anita Wagner is our keynote speaker (check her out at http://www.practicalpolyamory.com), and we have some awesome presentations scheduled on things like Polyamory & Paganism, Polyamory & Christianity, Polyamory and GLBT, Poly-Activism, Practical STD Management, and Communications Strategies, along with some repeats and expansions from previous favorites like workshops on Meyers-Briggs Type Indicators, The Hero's Journey, Archetypes, and Tantric Harmony!

We also have a bunch of social events for everyone to enjoy, such as our bonfire (tended by our resident Firemen) and drumming every night, nature paths, a clothing-optional pool (the only clothing-optional area on site), the library and media room (with poly-themed movies available to watch), and the main hall will have coffee, juice and water all day for easy socializing and just taking a break.

There are still campsites and beds available, so register soon before they're all filled up! Plus, we also just opened a Cafe Press store where you can get some great FPR merchandise! All the proceeds go back into FPR to make your retreat experience even better! Check us out at http://www.cafepress.com/floridapolyretr

Can't wait to see ya'll there!

FPR 2008 Staff
http://www.floridapolyretreat.com

compersion @ 2008-02-17T22:36:00

2008-02-18T06:42:55Z

and.... a big thumbs up and APPRECIATION out to Alan 7388 , for posting link 2 "poly in the news" !

Great stuff! As I am currently seeking stuff to assist my monogamous , "archaic" , "sweetie" with!
(he calls himself more "archaic". his labels/projection- not mine)

I feel I am "coming home".......

with gratitude,

i am that i am

What does INTIMACY mean to YOU?!

2008-02-18T06:17:06Z

Namaste' and Hello Compersion community!

I am feeling very exited to be part of this community and feel eager to read through all these wonderful diverse posts! I am new to online communities as well as online blogging.... so this is literally an opening to my flower blossom for me!
I am with gratitude and happy to see this particular group up and running...being made available to all who seek an interest in love!

I ask the above listed question in the subject line because I would really love and APPRECIATE YOUR feedback perhaps by way of email at : in2meic@feelings.com
So many of us have such a diverse meaning and understanding of what it means to be intimate or to experience intimacy. I feel its a good question to ask. I have been asking locally in the community I live in in Northern California. It is shocking to me how diverse peoples answers are and how uncomfortable people can be with even the concept of hugging!

For me, intimacy is in2meic ! If it was always shared with another..someone outside of myself, it would be "in2UiC" instead!

I once sat down with blank sheet of paper and pen and wrote out the letters, L-O-V-E. I tried to make words of these letters. I came up with , Loving Our Very Essence. In other words, realizing that love and true intimacy lie within our truth. It is my belief that once we are in touch with our true feelings, needs and wants...that we not only are capable of having a rather healthy intimate relation with the self, but are also available for healthy intimate relations with others.

Carl Jung once stated, "Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside awakes."

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return..."~~ Kahail Gibran

P.s... my sweetie has issues of the ego pop up when thinking of me cuddling other men at cuddle parties in a non sexual way. my girlfriend has exhibited ego stuff because I am cuddling with my sweetie instead of her.

ego-jealousy with attempts to understand and experience love. this is what I refer to as: relaSHUNships and why i often stay away from that particular word. I myself do not feel I go through these same jealous -ego feelings that others seem to. i feel comfortable with myself and have already "been there, done that".
Even in high school, I encouraged an "open style relation" with my 1st love. I found it pretty difficult to believe that a long term monogamous relation was actually possible unless I was open minded. I decided in high school that if it came down to it, I would rather "share my mate than loose my mate". As long as he stayed with me, I was open minded. He never did seek elsewhere. I think my open mindedness actually helped to keep him in the relationship! This style of open type relations was my way of dealing with the vibrations of jealousy. It was to "let go of expectations" .........

I LOOK FORWARD to receiving any diverse opinions YOU have to offer regarding "what does intimacy mean to you?"........and what u are ok or not ok with your partner , mate, spouse, sweetie experiencing outside the sacred union.

compersion @ 2008-02-12T07:52:00

2008-02-12T12:52:51Z

Recent Polyamory in the News

If you haven't been reading Polyamory in the News in the last three months — or haven't friended the nice LJ feed for it at LiveJournal polymedia — here's some of what you missed:

Is the poly-vs-swinging debate finally settling itself? On both sides of this cultural divide, people seem to be deciding it's a continuous spectrum on which you can position yourself where you wish. This has new relevance as swinging goes through an upsurge of mainstream attention — which will increase further when the primetime CBS-TV drama "Swingtown" debuts.

For a couple opening up to poly, well-thought-out relationship agreements are a fine idea. But be prepared to outgrow them. In particular, don't get snagged by the Symbol Over Substance mistake.

"An Open and Shut Marriage" in the New York Times is a study in how not to try. How many blunders can you count here? Please — research what other people have learned before setting out to reinvent this often difficult wheel. In the last 25 years the poly community has accumulated, through trial and error, a substantial body of wisdom.

A chain of New Age magazines decides to spread some of the wisdom: "Love Big".

"Why is polyamory offensive? ...The most telling reason is that it makes people explore their own relationships and the fears that reside within."

A couple in Florida, brimming to share what they've found, announce Poly 101 workshops for the public and get nicely written up in their local paper. Maybe you can too.

Rachel Kramer Bussell, a leading erotica author, wrestles with the case for open relationships. "Polyamory is not a panacea; if you think you'll cure any and all sexual longings or be free of jealousy simply by taking on new partners, you're probably in for a rude awakening."

Plus, gobs of positive coverage in Spain (with TV-news video), Norway, Germany....

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Here's the site: Polyamory in the News (http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com). The most recent 10 items are up front. Here are the November, December, and January archives.

Here's where to get the LJ friends feed.

I've done 183 of these reports in the last 2 1/2 years. They're sorted in the archive by category, month, and sometimes location. I hope you have as much fun browsing this resource as I did creating it.

Cheers,

Alan

(...who is always looking for news stories! If you see noteworthy one that I miss, please email me: alan7388 [at] gmail [dot] com.)

Oral Sex causes Oral Cancers in Men and Women

2008-02-07T22:52:57Z

Taken from </a></b></a>serolynne's LJ and not hidden under a cut because it's important that everyone read it:

http://serolynne.livejournal.com/479245.html
The HPV virus doesn't just affect the woman's body by increasing the risks for cervical cancers. But studies are starting to show that HPV is causative to oral cancer's in men (and presumably women too).. from yup, you guessed it.. oral sex. And it's now as common a cause as tobacco and alcohol.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080202/ap_on_he_me/hpv_oral_cancer_4

Remember, when a woman has mild cervical dysplasia, she is very actively shedding the virus. If you give unprotected oral sex to her, you are basically bathing your mouth and throat in juices laden with HPV shedding. The mouth and throat are similar tissue types as the cervix.

I've long suspected this, and thus why I've always drastically altered my sexual practices when dealing with an active HPV infection.

And the article in full archived here:

By MIKE STOBBE, AP Medical Writer Fri Feb 1, 7:02 PM ET

ATLANTA - The sexually transmitted virus that causes cervical cancer in women is poised to become one of the leading causes of oral cancer in men, according to a new study.

The HPV virus now causes as many cancers of the upper throat as tobacco and alcohol, probably due both to an increase in oral sex and the decline in smoking, researchers say.

The only available vaccine against HPV, made by Merck & Co. Inc., is currently given only to girls and young women. But Merck plans this year to ask government permission to offer the shot to boys.

Experts say a primary reason for male vaccinations would be to prevent men from spreading the virus and help reduce the nearly 12,000 cases of cervical cancer diagnosed in U.S. women each year. But the new study should add to the argument that there may be a direct benefit for men, too.

"We need to start having a discussion about those cancers other than cervical cancer that may be affected in a positive way by the vaccine," said study co-author Dr. Maura Gillison of Johns Hopkins University.

The study was published Friday in the Journal of Clinical Oncology.

Human papillomavirus, or HPV, is the leading cause of cervical cancer in women. It also can cause genital warts, penile and anal cancer — risks for males that generally don't get the same attention as cervical cancer.

Previous research by Gillison and others established HPV as a primary cause of the estimated 5,600 cancers that occur each year in the tonsils, lower tongue and upper throat. It's also been known that the virus' role in such cancers has been rising.

The new study looked at more than 30 years of National Cancer Institute data on oral cancers. Researchers categorized about 46,000 cases, using a formula to divide them into those caused by HPV and those not connected to the virus.

They concluded the incidence rates for HPV-related oral cancers rose steadily in men from 1973 to 2004, becoming about as common as those from tobacco and alcohol.

The good news is that survival rates for the cancer are also increasing. That's because tumors caused by HPV respond better to chemotherapy and radiation, Gillison said.

"If current trends continue, within the next 10 years there may be more oral cancers in the United States caused by HPV than tobacco or alcohol," Gillison said.

Studies suggest oral sex is associated with HPV-related oral cancers, but a cause-effect relationship has not been proved. Other researchers have suggested that even unwashed hands can spread it to the mouth as well.

Gillison pointed toward sex as an explanation for the increase in male upper throat cancers. However, HPV-related upper throat cancers declined significantly in women from 1973 to 2004.

Merck's vaccine, approved for girls in 2006, is a three-dose series priced at about $360. It is designed to protect against four types of HPV, including one associated with oral cancer.

Merck has been testing the vaccine in an international study, but it is focused on anal and penile cancer and genital warts, not oral cancers, said Kelley Dougherty, a Merck spokeswoman.

"We are continuing to consider additional areas of study that focus on both female and male HPV diseases and cancers," Dougherty said.

Merck officials praised Gillison's research, saying it will elevate the importance of HPV-related oral cancers.

Government officials and the American Cancer Society say they don't know yet whether Merck's vaccine will be successful at preventing disease in men. No data from the company's study are available yet.

Indeed, it's not clear yet that the vaccine even prevents the HPV infection in males, let alone cancer or any other illness, said Debbie Saslow of the American Cancer Society.

Merck plans to seek U.S. Food and Drug Administration approval for the vaccine in men later this year, meaning a government decision would be likely in 2009.

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On the Net:
Journal of Clinical Oncology: http://jco.ascopubs.org

Please pass this on to everyone you know, particularly those who participate in multiple partnerships, and feel free to repost in any forum or journal.

Poly Book Club

2008-01-08T19:12:45Z

I just wanted to let everyone know about the poly-themed online book club. You can check it out and join at http://www.shelfari.com/groups/12041/about (it's free to join). Our first assignment was to ask for (or obtain, if you don't do gift exchange) any poly-themed book you haven't read yet and let us know what book that was by January 5th. But there's still time for this assignment, because January 15th is when we're going to talk about what these books are. I started by requesting "The High Cost Of Living" by Marge Piercy from my local library. It just arrived today, so I'm going to get to reading it so I'll have something to talk about on the 15th! Here's what my choice has to say on the back:

"For Leslie, the heroine of this searching novel, the cost of living - and loving - is getting higher and higher. First of all, she is miserable for having lost her lover, Valerie, to another woman. And she has begun to doubt just about everything about her life. Now she is involved in a strange erotic triangle with Honor, an adolecent virgin who has romantic ideals and Bernie, a homosexual street hustler trying to settle down. Leslie and Bernie both want Honor. They also want each other. But all Honor wants is a little spice in her life. Here is a powerful searing novel of three young dreamers caught up in a lifestyle they can neither accept nor change."

Can't wait to hear about everyone else's choices!

Starting in February, we plan to make the assignments more traditional - meaning everyone will be requested to read the same book and we'll all get together online to discuss it.

Hope to see ya'll there!

Amusing artifact of monogamous culture

2007-12-15T05:59:08Z

Cheat Neutral

It's actually a satire trying to point out problems with the idea of a carbon credits and carbon credit trading. But the whole premise and approach is highly amusing.