Love Without Jealousy's Journal

Good Poly

I had merit-badge style patches made with this design

Thought some of you might like to award these digitally to folks in your life.

understanding poly better...
after going through a very rough secondary relationship, my boyfriend is really giving us the first real chance we've ever had in 5 years to really explore our relationship together. we are really bonding and making an effort to understand eachother better and see if we really do have a future together.

so far, the outlook is good. we are currently casually seeing a mutual friend who is absolutely beautiful and attracted to both of us and just all around a great person to be near.

nakes me very happy.

just thought i would share.

-jess-

Current Mood: enthralled

Loving More: Survey; and West Coast Conf. July 25-27
Hi all!

I have a couple of things to announce related to Loving More® Non-profit:

1) Loving More® needs YOUR opinions! What do you like about Loving More®: the magazine, the retreats, 1-day conferences, something else? What would you like to see done differently? Express your opinions in the survey on the top of the main Loving More® page: http://www.lovemore.com/

2) In other news, I was wrong about the cutoff for "regular" registration for the Loving More® West Coast conference. Turns out that late registration doesn't start till after July 1st, so you still have a few days before the next price increase. There are also payment plans, partial scholarships, and partial work-trade arrangements, to help you with the cost. It's a great conference, and Akien and I have gone every year for quite some time now. Check out more information below, including how to register.

Thanks, and I hope to see some of you in Willits!

dawnd
( Read more... )

Book Club Assignment #5 is now due
We are now discussing Leaving Cheyenne at the Poly Book Club. Come join the discussion!

New burst of positive media coverage
If you haven't been reading Polyamory in the News in the last three months — or haven't friended the nice LJ feed for it at LiveJournal polymedia — here's some of what you missed:

( Read more... )

Now, for discussion: Loving More is surveying its members and supporters and asking, among other things, for their thoughts on the last three years of media attention. What to you think?

-- Great that the media are paying such positive attention; it’ll make our lives easier.
-- Nice that we’re getting this coverage, but they don't really get polyamory.
-- Doesn't matter.
-- May harm more than help.
-- Hate it; I don't want polyamory becoming visible.

Cheers,

Alan

(...who is always looking for news stories. If you see a noteworthy one that I miss, please let me know: alan7388 [at] gmail [dot] com.)

(Crossposted)

Poly Book Club #4 Is Due
Sometimes It IS About The Sex

Polyamorists have a phrase, "It's not all about the sex". What they mean is that it's not ALL about the sex. The point is not to downplay or ignore that our relationships are sexual, it's to focus on the multidimensionality of our relationships, to focus on the relating to each other that may or may not include sex. This is opposed to relationships that are purely about sex, that have no other quality, no other dimension, no other purpose.

But, what makes us different from monogamists is that we do have multiple sexual relationships. If it weren't for the sex, we'd just be a bunch of friends. Friends, even in the monogamous world, can have many different levels of intimacy, from social acquaintances to closest, lifetime confidantes. So can polyamorous relationships. The difference is the sex. So, at some point, we do have to address the question of how to handle multiple sexual relationships.

And that's what the book The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt tries to answer.

Come visit our online bookclub to read the rest of the review and discuss it with us!

Next book is Leaving Cheyenne by Larry McMurty due June 1st.

5/10 Loving More 1 day in New Mexico--Early reg discount extended!
Loving More "Loving Choices"--A Relationship Seminar
Presented by Loving More Non-profit Organization
303-543-7540
Saturday May 10, 2008, 8:00am-6:00pm
Santa Fe, New Mexico--Holiday Inn
Early Registration extended to May 5 (for online registration only)!

Loving More, the host of the longest running polyamory conferences, is pleased to announce a new one day Seminar Series "Loving Choices," focused on choosing what is right for you. Loving More brings over 22 years of experience in teaching skills for alternative relating. Who says that love has to follow a specific set of rules that limit how you love others? Why pretend to be someone you're not? Do you feel like you can't be your honest self? Are you already involved in a polyamorous relationship and looking to improve your relationship skills? We invite you to attend a "Loving Choices" seminar to expand your repertoire of ways to enjoy being your authentic self.

Loving More is excited to bring this amazing seminar series for the first time to New Mexico!
( Read more... )

The way that we are programmed?
I was listening to one of the "sex is fun" podcasts yesterday, the one about "sexual mistakes I never want to make" and Kidder mentioned one of his hangups / questionable beliefs, which was something along the lines of:

"If you enjoy the sex with someone, then you are going to fall in love with them... that's kind of the way that we are programmed to go... men not to the same extent, but women who have orgasms with someone shouldnt have do that unless they want to fall in love with them..."

Now, this is out of context, and there was an edge of satire to what he was saying, but there was a serious undertone - being that many folk - and especially women - are genetically programmed to fall in love if they have good sex, and thereafter be exclusively focussed on that partner, to the exclusion of all others.

Are we really programmed to be this way? (or are *women* really programmed to be this way?) Or rather, how common is this kind of programming?

Compersion is...
I found the comm thru an interest search for polyamory.

Compersion is taking your fiance out to buy flowers for the girl he's wooing, and offering to help pay for the bouquet without being paid back when he finds one a little out of his price range... And feeling excited and happy for him when you're sitting on the couch eating pizza and watching romance movies while he spends his first night over there... waiting up for him to get home from a late date so you can hear all the sordid details...

Compersion is being held in the arms of your boyfriend, sobbing like an idiot and having second thoughts about getting married to your primary partner, and even though your boyfriend would dearly love to have you all to himself, compersion is him comforting you anyway and helping to assuage your fears about the wedding and the marriage, and not feeling at all strange about it.

Struggling with jealousy
I am in a poly Master/slave relationship. It's been quite a journey, since this began as two separate relationships that are working toward poly...we aren't quite there, yet. Sir's other girl and I are becoming closer and closer friends, and I am grateful for her because she can meet certain of his needs that I am not capable of meeting due to family responsibilities.

The jealousy now is not specific to her...and it may be more like envy than jealousy per se. An example: Tonight he went home sick. I could not go with him and take care of him because I have a small child. He understands and was not upset with me or anything like that; he just needed to be home where his meds were. So, he assured me he would be fine and would call his other girl to come take care of him. I am glad he is not alone. I am sincerely happy that she can be with him while he is ill, but I'm miserable that I can't be. I get jealous that he needs her at times like these.

How can I refocus my feelings? I know I should just be happy that he's not alone while he is sick, and I am happy about that, but this other negative feeling won't go away. Granted, the last time this happened, I was more unhappy and not capable of being grateful that she can serve him when I can't. So I guess there has been progress...

Any thoughts? Or is this topic better for M/s or BDSM communities?

Thanks,
emme

Lots of new users

We've had about 9 times the normal rate of users joining over the past few days. I encourage new people (or anybody else for that matter) to say something about how they found us and share a story about compersion in their lives if they have one. :-)

Current Mood: pleased

New Male Birth Control Pill
That's right, it's not just science-fiction or wishful thinking anymore:

http://www.rediff.com/money/2008/mar/28iit.htm

""We have been trying to develop a non-surgical male contraceptive for ten years now. The contraceptive works through an injection that affects the sperm's ability to fertilise. Simultaneously, we have also invented an antidote which guarantees its immediately reversibility."

I am looking forward to its full disclosure at this convention to more fully understand it's success rate and side effects.

**UPDATE**

Thanks to a comment in one of the other places I posted this, here's a link for more detailed information of how it works. A very, very simple explanation is that it electrifies the vas deferens so that sperm gets blasted apart as it travels through on its way out.

That's WAY cool!

Current Mood: hopeful

What?
I'm taking exception to the Wiki definition of compersion:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compersion

Ye gods!

That definition is SO shallow and sounds more like the reaction of a voyeur. Although the 'pleasure' part certainly can be there, I'm horrified at the pat answer that makes all poly folk seem so shallow. I would much prefer a definition denoting the feeling of sincere joy when sharing, learning of or witnessing someone else's happiness or good fortune.

I truly don't think that compersion is, or should be, limited to practitioners of poly-fidelity.

Thought, brickbats? Somebody to go and change wiki to be more accurate?

Book Club Assigment #3 is Due

Once again, I'm running late and since no one responded on time, I pushed the deadline back to March 31st. The first review for Assignment #3 is in:

Summer People
By Marge Piercy

This book claims to be a “strikingly intimate one, focusing on the lives of three dedicated artists in a small Cape Cod Community”. It centers on a triad found, surprisingly, in the quiet backwoods of New England. Susan and Willie have been married for many years with two children and living on a property with two houses on the banks of a Lake, one of the very few year-round residents. Susan is a fabric designer and Willie specializes in political sculptures. Dinah and her husband rent their small house on the same property while he is ill. After her husband dies, Dinah befriends the couple, particularly Susan. In an effort to stretch herself in, what she thinks of as a backwards, hick town, Susan begins an affair with Dinah. Willie, a rather open-minded sort, doesn’t mind his wife’s sexual expression and eventually falls in love with Dinah himself. 10 years later, our story begins.

Read more about this book at http://www.shelfari.com/groups/12041/discussions/31853/Book-3---Summer-People-by-Marge-Piercy and contribute your own thoughts about Summer People!

Next Book Club Assignment: #4 - The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton

HPV Info
In setting boundaries in my open relationships, the biggest issue lately has been surrounding HPV. It has been confusing and frustrating and the lack of research/information about it is appalling. However! I just recently came across the most comprehensive collection of information about the virus that I think exists at this point, and thought other people would be glad to have it as a resource, too.

It's a zine made by the Down There Health Collective in Washington DC.
You can order one by sending $2 to...
The HPV Zine
737 Quebec Place NW
Washington DC, 20010
or email them at...
downtherehealth at mutualaid dot org

Happy fucking!

Enlivening this community

I've really liked some of the happy poly stories and really positive things posted in this community. I like how even when people have asked for advice we've largely avoided being snarky or mean to them. I also really appreciate the poly book club posts by joreth and the poly in the news postings by alan7388. There are many things I like about the tone here, and all of you bear the responsibility for that.

I do wish though that we were a bit more active. It would be nice if more things were posted that were personally relevant to the poster. Does anybody here have any ideas on how to encourage this?

Current Mood: contemplative

Poly Book Club Assignment #2

I'm WAY behind, but I finally have my first post about Love Without Limits:

( Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits )

Next book assigment: Summer People by Marge Piercy, due March 15th. Check us out at the Polyamory Book Club at Shelfari

As many of you might know, I am the creator of Stagehand Tees

. It has primarily backstage-related t-shirts, but it also has a non-tech section with t-shirts that I just like that have nothing to do with the industry. Well, the number of poly-themed shirts is growing so large, that I had to create Poly Tees

to accomodate!

So, please come on by and check it out! Poly-themed t-shirts with our new variation on the PolyDragon, our own version of the Heart/Infinity, the Poly Formula, and a bunch of humorous non-monogamous t-shirts!

Please feel free to spread the word!

http://www.polytees.com

FPR Registration Ending soon!

General Registration for Florida Poly Retreat 2008 will be ending on March 15, 2008. If you wish to Register on a Payment Plan, you've got to get those Registrations in today, and have them paid off by February 28, 2008.

If you've already Registered with a Payment Plan, get that money in by Paypal or check to Registration, c/o Florida Poly Retreat, 14324 SE 59th Court, Summerfield, FL 34491. You can download a Registration form at http://www.floridapolyretreat.com/mail-in.pdf .

If you're interested in attending and staying onsite and/or joining us for meals - please register soon, as Pre-paid Registration using Paypal will close on March 15, 2008!

( Check out what we have planned! )

and.... a big thumbs up and APPRECIATION out to Alan 7388 , for posting link 2 "poly in the news" !

Great stuff! As I am currently seeking stuff to assist my monogamous , "archaic" , "sweetie" with!
(he calls himself more "archaic". his labels/projection- not mine)

I feel I am "coming home".......

with gratitude,

i am that i am