Peer support for compulsive overeaters' Journal
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Peer support for compulsive overeaters' LiveJournal:
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| Thursday, July 9th, 2009 | 4:35 am
[ana_denay]
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Is there rehab for people addicted to food? Or with binge-eating disorder? You know how anorexic people can go away and get better and have counseling and everything...I wish I could do something like that...
Current Mood:  annoyed | | Tuesday, July 7th, 2009 | 12:01 pm
[ashiixelainexx]
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okay, so I just read the scariest thing ever.
I'm not going to post a link to the page, because it has a very graphic picture and a story of a bullimic girl dying because her stomach ripped. Message me if you really want it. "Like a typical binger, her stomach was dying before it ripped. What I mean is that every time we binge our stomachs expand, if they expand far enough, the vessels supplying them blood are crushed - cutting off the blood supply to that area, killing the tissue. That area is weakened and the next binge of that caliber becomes more dangerous. Purging just adds fuel to the fire by increasing stomach pressure above and beyond the natural level." I hope I can keep this in mind before I go on a binge, I don't purge, but my binges are bad. EEP! Current Mood:  worried | 8:45 am
[mrsmozart]
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Eating disorders and Attention Deficit Disorder?
Anyone out there trying to conquer an eating disorder also suffering from ADD? I find my ADD makes it hard for me to concentrate on what I need to do every day (and every meal.) I keep forgetting that I have to stick with the program I've designed. I wonder if there's any correlation between the two disorders? Anyone have any relief from eating disorder by taking ADD medication? Thanks! | 4:01 am
[crommelynk]
 |
hi everyone. i'm new here. my name is sunny and i'm a college student living in new england who just turned 20 on sunday. i'm just going to put it all out there right now, because i feel like its something i need to do. i have been obese for most of my life and suffer from VERY bad self esteem issues. i was also verbally and sometimes physically abused due to my weight by my father when i was a child, and went through the ringer in elementary and middle school because of the way i looked. it also didn't help that i just happened to really enjoy listening to the clash and shaving my head when i was in middle school either, but whatever. i have been thinking about a lot of things in the past few days and realized that i have a food addiction/binge eating disorder and it is absolutely out of control. i'm just so embarrassed and scared, and i have no idea how to start to deal with this. food has always been a comfort for me, and i also eat VERY fast... which is something that i have never been able to explain. i have two aunts who have both had gastric bypass, and one who is currently dying from obesity related diseases. she's in a hospice center in ohio and in all reality it is only a matter of days before she passes away. i know it sounds insensitive because i'm just talking about myself right now, but i feel like i got a glimpse into my future if i don't change my ways soon. i talked to my mother who i'm really close with and she supports me all the way, but i know just from talking to her about how i feel that she doesn't fully understand how difficult this is going to be. she says to me "if i can quit smoking, you can quit eating". but even just the phrasing of that is so horrible. i can't quit eating. i have to eat something to live! having a few cigarettes a day isn't necessary for being alive, and you can completely remove yourself from people who smoke cigarettes or shoot heroin or whatever your drug of choice may be, but i can't just turn away from food and never look back. if i could, i would and i would be clean and sober but unfortunately i can't unless i just resign myself to drinking shakes or whatever for the rest of my life (and i already tried it anyway. doesn't work) right now, i'm considering weight loss surgery, but that also scares me too because it seems like a quick fix to a problem that is so much deeper. plus, i feel like having myself cut open to be thinner and healthier is crazy. i should be able to do this myself, but i have a sinking feeling that i can't. anyway, if anyone has any advice on how to get started in counseling or any other form of therapy it would be helpful. i think the only reason that is preventing me from calling the number that i have is that i have absolutely no idea what i would say. how do you tell someone that you eat when everyone in your house is asleep just because? i don't even know why i eat or why i am the way i am... i just somehow wound up this way. | 12:50 am
[ana_denay]
|
- I don't care anymore. I am constantly depressed. I've totally given up on my food journal. And I am trying desperately everyday to find a job. So I plan on going to my doctor tomorrow and getting some sort of anti-depressant and getting back on Adderrall....maybe if the anti-depressants make me happier I will actually be able to function like a normal human being instead of sitting at home all day or eating or staring at a wall talking to myself. I barely have the concentration to sit down and read anymore...I remember when I could sit down and read a 150 pages no problem...now I can barely make it through 20...because all my thoughts are so clouded with negativity about everything and worry and anxiety. When I begin taking the anti-depressants I will be happier, and the adderrall will supress my hunger. Maybe i'll be wired all day and snapping on people...or feeling really out of it...but who cares nothing can be worse than the way I am living now. I've gained 16 pounds...I can't even f*cking look at myself anymore. I hate everything and everyone so much and it seems like no matter what I do I just crawl deeper and deeper into this hole of hate and despair and constant anxiety and hopelessness.. Current Mood: lonely | | Wednesday, July 1st, 2009 | 3:14 am
[yet2comeundone]
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new
Hey, I'm new to this community but not to overeating. I've had high fluctuating weight pretty much since the 3rd grade and I'm in college now. I was wondering if anyone here has ever been involved in Overeaters Anonymous? Was it helpful, terrible, meh? After two nights of eating anything and everything, made worse by the fact that I have about $21 left in my bank account, I looked up meeting times. I just don't know anything about it other than what their websites say. Current Mood: stressed | | Monday, June 22nd, 2009 | 4:03 pm
[euphoric1dr]
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some frustrations
hi guys, this might sound sort of..overly philosophical...but my question is, if you feel that you experience these cravings, or longing for some kind of substance, anything at all...do you feel that it is 'you' as in, your 'ego', or is it a true physiological / body reaction that is not in your control? in other words, do we make up our minds to crave or desire something, or do our bodies possess their own intelligence that WE in turn, our minds/egos, have to obey? sigh, and this is a silly question but...when learning to eat again around family..even so much as learning to drink a cup of coffee with them again...should i be looking for positive feedback? i don't know if i want positive OR negative. i know this sounds terrible. but on one hand, if they applaud and are like 'good job, you're making improvement' then its like this feeling of 'dammit, THEY win...i'm eating normal, therefore i MUST be getting fat' and if they express anger or disappointment, then it's like, in my mind, automatically: 'good, the eating disorder is still winning...' i know, i know this is horrible... =( does anyone else experience this dichotomy of recovery? wanting positive feedback AND negative? how do you deal with this? (x-posted btw) | | Saturday, June 20th, 2009 | 8:40 am
[ana_denay]
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So basically after getting some bad news that I am going to have to work full-time while trying to go to school full-time, I am about to binge everything and anything I can get my hands on. I think I make a conscious decision to compulsively eat because I hate myself and my life and don't really give a crap about anything. My hope is that..I just eat myself into a heart attack and die. Then there would be no expectations from me ever again, I'd never feel this pressure in my head, or this knot in my throat, or that unbearable feeling in my stomach when I've ate too much. I'd never have to deal with failure again....I'd never have to hear my mom's voice screaming at me telling me im not worth a shit...I'd never have to hear my uncle bugging me about exercise. The only person I'd miss after my heart attack is my grandma. I've said f**k the food diary. I havent ate really that much because I haven't been able to get to food like i've wanted to....but...im going to....I already know im going to be sick tonight, ill probably throw up. I tried talking to my bestfriend ethan, I always try, but he's rarely emotionally available since...he's bipolar and going thru his own ups and downs... I can't talk to my uncle...I can't talk to my stupid mother...im saying F**k everything...school, worrk, life, trying to not binge, exercise....screw it ALL..alll I have is my computer and my food....until I die...which might take a while...but really who gives a f**K, Current Mood:  dead | | Thursday, June 18th, 2009 | 10:39 pm
[euphoric1dr]
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stressed over family vacation
~ I'm going out of town to Florida, of all places, (beaches, that alone is worrying me =( WITH my parents and brother, and i don't get along too well with any of them... ~ they will make comments, all of them I know it. every meal time, the preparation to observe my every movement and inspect my plate, make comments on every single thing i eat or don't eat.. ~ In a way, I'm looking forward to getting more nutrient-rich food in my diet, because i will be exposed to more of that variety. ~ But still, I worry I cannot give up my cravings and desires for all my 'trigger' foods which are really my comfort foods as well... ~ okay, i KNOW this sounds so silly but I worry that if I eat normal healthy meals, like with my family, I will gain a lot of weight, because it's something i have not done in so long..eating like this, 'normally' with family. Then again, what IS normal eating?! doesn't everyone eat differently, even those w/o eating disorder. ~ I worry that the way they treat me will be influenced by my eating or not eating. They will be positive and happy/nice with me if I eat. If I don’t eat what THEY think is enough, they will express disappointment, etc. ~ I don’t have a plan, and this worries me tremendously. ~ does it ever go away? Is it really just about being thin? | | Tuesday, June 16th, 2009 | 8:17 am
[euphoric1dr]
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support/beating myself up
hi everyone, thank you for your lovely words of support and encouragement! sorry i take awhile to get back to many of you with your comments - but i will do so by today =) i'm still REALLY struggling because every moment of every day now, i feel like...so addicted to food...even if i'm not hungry, i crave those things that the OA would deem 'trigger' foods. i'm curious to know peoples experiences with OA? What is meant by 'abstinence'? Giving up certain foods forever? Seeing food addiction as a genuine disease? That's most certainly how I feel! It has become 'unmanageable' and I want to be rid of the obsession... I'm also still beating up on myself because I binged on something that wasn't mine, it was my mom's and even though she doesn't even care, in fact i don't think she noticed. But it's just that...I STILL feel SO bad about it...in a way wasn't it like stealing? makes me feel even worse...=( thoughts? | | Sunday, June 14th, 2009 | 2:29 am
[euphoric1dr]
|
help with coping after a binge
tonight i don't know why in particular it had to happen...i think it was partly cravings, partly my own fears. my fear in particular that..i cannot save things, or i cannot be 'good' and refrain from devouring something that i really have a desire for. does that make sense? like for example, i always want to try and buy something i really want like a pack of cookies and save them, not have the whole thing at once, but i don't have that inner faith in myself that, yes, i can do this - i can save this for later. today i was craving sweets all day, i'm always craving sweets...and i gave my body regular snacks throughout the day, it wasn't the healthiest snacks but nevertheless, i kept my metabolism going all day. so i didn't think i'd succumb to a binge at night...but it happened, and now i'm feeling so terrible, not to mention physically ill. how do i deal? i won't lie, i feel this compulsion to 'make up' for it, but i feel even more depressed knowing full well that i can't do this either. i do need to gain weight but i just don't want it to be through binge episodes, if that makes sense... sigh, any advice, input, feedback whatsoever would be so appreciated. thank you all so much. i will admit also, i am feeling lonely and confused...about what exactly, i do not know, but the loneliness is very strong. i wouldn't think that this was the main reason for the binge but its definitely a factor i think... Current Mood: depressed | | Monday, June 8th, 2009 | 9:22 pm
[ana_denay]
|
I feel good.
If I haven't told you guys yet, My name is Arianna. I'm 18 and yeah its pretty much already established that I compulsively overeat. I have a pretty happy update, well its happy for me at least. I made that same trip to the store tonight at 9pm on an empty stomach. Although I was hungry, my mind wasn't completely focused on food. I went over to CVS and bought my tea as usual. I drank my raspberry tea happily as I walked over to the store...and this time when I got in the store. I put two big bags of skittles in my cart, 3 bags of doritos, and ice cream and 3 sodas. Well as I walked around the store I was talking to myself in my head, begging myself to put all that stuff back and try to get something healthy. It took me 30 minutes of roaming around the store before I took all that stuff out of my cart, and went back to the fruit section. I got grapes, 2 containers of driscoll raspberries, 1 bag of sunchips, and 1 bottle of Welch's grape juice. Although that is still a lot...I actually managed to buy myself some food that isn't junk!!!! (O_O) That doesn't happen often!! I was so excited and proud of myself!!! Although I still have a problem with portion control...maybe I can at least managed to buy healthier stuff?
I feel like this was a good day. Tomorrow is my grandmother's 63rd birthday. Tonight I am making her brownies. But I don't really like baked goods that much, so I don't think i'll have issues not eating them. I'm excited for her party. And Oh yeah.. I started a food diary about the same time as my last entry. Its helping kinda...I write how I feel that day and what I did that day and list the foods I eat and how much I eat of the foods. I don't know I still can't understand what a proper portion is, and I am still excited to join the gym next month. We officially move to our new house...on the 20th. I'll be surrounded by family and that will be such a positive thing for me!! I spent the weekend with my grandma..and I think thats why im in a positive mood today. I noticed in my food diary, that I ate a MAJOR amount less when I was with my family. Like on saturday I ate a 6inch sub, ruffles, and a white cherry Icee...and thats all I had the entire day. AND ANOTHER THING! We went out to a restaurant..steak, chicken tenders, big burgers, steak fries, lots and lots of good food...at Texas Roadhouse.. O___O I sat there and watched my cousin and my grandma eat, smelled their food, desired their food, looked at the menu 7 times, and drank four glasses of water.. and my grandma said Cmon you can get whatever you want. And I was like okay can i get subway? And she said okay..and then she complimented me on controlling myself, she said I was doing really well on eating less. That made me feel good. I realized there is many things that make me not want to binge..
Being with friends] Being with my grandma] Being with my uncle]
Going to Barnes&Noble] Reading] Writing] Listening to music] Adderall]
So I am going to focus on these things for now. I don't like Adderall so I don't think im going to start taking it again unless i absolutely need it for school in the fall. I feel better. =) Current Mood:  hopeful | | Sunday, June 7th, 2009 | 11:46 am
[byzantinebarbie]
 |
General Update
I haven't been back to OA, yet I do think it is the right program for me. I have been reading more of the materials, and I like their philosophy. I like their concentration on the spiritual/emotional aspect of addictive behaviors. I like the anonymity. I like the focus on a support group, since I spend so little of my time with social engagement outside work. Now, if I can only get myself to be more consistent about showing up to the meetings... One thing that I realized through the OA approach that probably would not have occurred to me otherwise, is that there are specific foods that trigger a binge for me. They don't seem to follow any particular pattern, except that they involve either carbs or fat or both. I have actually identified a seemingly innocuous food that triggers a binge: roast in pan drippings. Seems wild to me that something like that would trigger a binge, but it does. I cannot seem to stop at a normal serving. Another is home made soup, strangely enough. Both of these foods are "comfort foods" to me, and being someone who has a lot of trouble "self-soothing" without using a crutch, that ultimately has addictive properties for me. In the past these crutches have been as follows: ( Cut for possible triggers ) | | Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009 | 2:58 am
[ana_denay]
|
...
Wow. I've had a pretty terrible week. My mom ordered $70 worth of pizza in the pass 3 days....and I feel supremely obese...I just like binged non-stop. I never have control over these things, especially since pizza is my favorite food. I wish that we didn't encourage each other to overeat so much. I looked up local OA meetings in my area and I mentioned to my mom that I was thinking about going, and she laughed and told me its funny its just a bunch of fat women admitting their obese and then crying all over the place. (-_-) She basically mocked me and other fat people who might be interested in any sort of OA meeting. So I felt pretty discouraged. I don't think I am going.... I've eaten so much in the past 3 days its like im just laying in my bed mouth-breathing. Ever since I got this new laptop for graduation...i've been videotaping myself eating, and then watching myself after im done gorging, I can't even stand to look at myself, I feel so disgusting and unlovable. And then watching those videos...just make me want to throw my laptop against a wall...it just makes me so sad and angry. I'm not quite sure how I will ever get control over my eating, tonight I was full...I had ate pizza all day, but I decided it wasn't enough...so I went to the store on the bus during a thunderstorm...in my pajamas and bought 2 packs of sour patch,2 big bags of doritos, 3 cartons of ice cream, 3 things of ground turkey, and 2 big bottles of soda. Thats alot.....and I mean I went into the drugstore after going to the ATM to get money and I bought a green tea...BEFORE I WENT TO THE GROCERY STORE ( you know how they say never shop on an empty stomach, well I was already uncomfortabley full ) So im drinking the green tea and I can barely finish the bottle because my stomach is already tight, but somehow I managed... After that I stood out in the dark, in the rain waiting for the bus at 10pm during a thunderstorm, I came home and gorged some more. I made taco salad with 2 big bowls of doritos and ate a whole package of the cooked ground turkey, then i ate half a bag of the sourpatch and then drank a 2 liter bottle full of water.... [ I need to be put away in a fucking home or something ] = I can't convince myself that its just going to be okay. I was thinking what if I get struck down by lightning? I'd deserve it for being such a fatass...why can't i ever stop myself...(-_-) and for some screwed up reason i kept thinking god hates me because im fat, i shouldnt have come up here to go to the store, something bad is going to happen to me!!! ( I felt really paranoid ) Then I saw some people from my school which didn't help because I was disheveled and wet, and tired, and ashamed of myself.. I feel like...maybe if my mom left the house more I wouldnt be so focused on food, but i have to handle all the grocery shopping, bills, and all other (out of the house) duties...... I am not capable of going to the store and picking out decent food,,,,all I do on the way to the store...is desire the food...it sounds screwed up but yeah.. I am exhausted and discouraged and somehow im always thinking oh next month is the month im going to do it...its not going to happen...i have hope about a lot of things in my life but being healthy and happy and fit and maybe even skinny someday....those are things I doubt will ever happen.
Current Mood: blank | | Sunday, May 31st, 2009 | 8:22 pm
[mrsmozart]
|
abstaining
Can anyone who is dealing with "abstaining from food" (as part of a 12 step program, for instance) post their meal plans, and possible suggestions to my problems?
BACKGROUND I understand a lot of people find that abstainance means no flour, wheat, sugar, or caffeine. I am wondering what these people do eat. For me, I think abstaining will mean no fast food, italian bread, cookies, cake, chips, pasta, rice, french fries, and anything parmesean. I have come to believe that I am not capable of having any of these while maintaining control of my eating. Logically, I will need to stop eating these thing. Unfortunately, I have two problems with this. PROBLEMS
(1) I am married to a fussy Italian man who only likes those foods. He eats small amounts of it and is able to stop, and has absolutely no appreciation for what addiction is like. He requires that Sunday is "Pasta Sunday." He likes sandwiches. He's OBSESSED with cake, cookies, and candy, and MUST have them every night. He is pencil thin, btw, so suggesting that this isn't healthy for either of us makes no sense to him. He sees no problem with eating like this. So partaking of this "abstainance plan" that I've outlined is problematic. I will have to cook two meals, one of which I would give my right arm to eat, the other that I resentfully will be eating instead. More work, plus constant temptation. (2) My son is 2 years old and ONLY will eat: french fries, mac and cheese, cheese, pickles, pasta, chips, cookies, cake, and ice cream. That's it. I try and I try to expand his foods, but he won't put anything else in his mouth. He lives on pediasure and vitamins. So to make sure he ingests something, I let him have this stuff. That means I get exposed to it and eat it. I also cook him meals - make him a plate of what i'm having, or whatever. It almost always goes to the garbage. But instead of throwing it out, I eat it. SUMMARY OF WHAT I NEED TO KNOW So how do I handle my family and how they impact my food addictions? And finally, what DO I get to eat? Anyone have suggestions for meals that won't trigger me? [I'm cross posting, so sorry if you come across this on another board. Whereever you do come across it, I would very much appreciate your comments. I'm feeling desperate] Thanks :) | | Saturday, May 30th, 2009 | 3:42 am
[ana_denay]
|
I dont know where to start.
I have always been overweight, I come from an obese family, and my mom binge eats all the time and encourages me to join in with her. All I think about is food. I used to think oh im just from a fat family, my eating habits are not out of control or abnormal or anything. But then I started buying big bags of candy and eating the whole bag and soon it became buying 2 big bags of chips, 5 packs of candy bars, and 2 bags of trail mix and a cookies... I just eat so much and I realize I don't have control over it, I know its an emotional thing...because sometimes when im upset ill cry and shove my face as fast as possible and ill be shaking and ill bite my fingers because im just trying to fill myself until i cant breathe and just roll over and fall asleep. I've ate so much I have ended up in the hospital with terrible stomach pain, and sometimes I eat so much I just lay here in pain and just completely exhausted and its taken such a toll on my body. I might even be a diabetic, but I refuse to let a doctor test me.... I've lived like this for the majority of my life, im 18 now, and I have no clue what to do with myself. I hate my body. I hate my eating habits. And I try not to hate myself..but ultimately I do. I want to change my life, but EVERYONE has tried to help me, with diets and exercise plans...and I always go running back to my food...no matter how hard I try to stop myself. I dont want to obese forever, I want to be happy, I want to have someone love me, and I feel like just no one will ever want me if I continue to be this way... I am not strong enough to do it on my own, and the people who have already tried to help me, have given up... Anytime I try to reach out to anyone else now...they dont understand.... im just so lost..
Current Mood: crushed | | Saturday, May 23rd, 2009 | 1:23 pm
[fozziewaca]
 |
Has anyone ever been to Overeaters Anonymous? Thoughts on it? I'm thinking about going to a meeting soon but don't really know what to expect. I'm pretty much dirt poor now, living in a rural area, with healthcare for emergencies only, so seeing a professional therapist is not ideal. Looking for a free, or relatively free, support option. 12 steps program has always turned me off because of the not so sublte religious aspect of it, but I think I might be able to get over that. Current Mood:  anxious | | Tuesday, May 12th, 2009 | 1:03 am
[euphoric1dr]
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slow eating
i struggle a lot with this, especially things i reeeally crave and want. is it because my bodys still malnourished? will i have a hard time eating/drinking anything slowly, until my weight stabilizes? what strategies do you guys use for mindful eating in the moment? |
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