I had an epiphany today. I've been trying to come to terms with the fact that not only have I been celibate for about three years now, I haven't had any actual desire either. Even though my level of "desire" doesn't feel any different than it did before, the thought of actually being with another person just means nothing to me, and actually kind of disgusts me now. It finally popped into my head today that I've never had sex while I was sober, nor have I ever wanted to. It's almost as if, since sex and alcohol were always tied together, they still are, and since I'm disgusted with the way I was when I drank - with the concept of me drinking all together - I am now disgusted by the thought of ever having sex again. I wonder what the fuck I really did to myself through those couple or so years of drinking, psychologically.