1. First of all, Pete has yet to learn that when the Manager tells him to stop running through the girls’ section, it means to stop running through the girls’ section.

2. He still thinks it’s funny to set up the G.I. Joes and Barbie’s as soldiers in an extra-sexist war spreading through a whole toy aisle where the Barbie’s somehow always manage to defeat the Joes. Go figure.

3. If you disagree with his choice to draw on all the etch-a-sketches “Hey kids! Go to Pen Island.com for a fun time!” he WILL tackle you.

4. It’s never his fault if the old lady in a power chair somehow finds super-size condoms in her basket.

5. It’s also never his fault if the old lady gets stuck between aisles because of the huge box of Kid’s Jeeps that somehow found their way on either side of her.

6. The cameras don’t even work in Wal-Mart.

7. Most people call it childish to constantly sit on the floor and read every greeting card in the aisle out loud in a British accent. Pete calls it character-building. (“Get well soon? Rubbish!”)

8. Ever heard of the Swap game? Where you take an item from one section of the store, such as a pack of hot dogs, and put it somewhere else, like in automotives? Pete Wentz made up that game.

9. Any black towels found in the store will immediately be placed around Pete’s shoulders until he’s done running through the store shouting “Come Robin! To the batcave!” Even when Patrick won’t use the yellow towel.

10. The posters are always open to the least-clothed woman and the lady in Deli seems to always be under the impression that there’s a code red in Fabrics. Don’t ask Pete, he didn’t tell her that.

“What do you mean, bouncy balls aren’t meant to throw at strangers? But they’re so unsuspecting!”

“HE pushed the shelf over, I saw him!”
“Pete, shut up! They’ve got it on camera, dude.”
“How do you even know my name? Stranger danger, RUN!!”

“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave the store.”
“YOU’LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE!”

“Do you like puzzles, little boy? Hey wait, I was just kidding!”