Muwaha XD
Title: Smooth Talker
Prompt: # 17 - Car
Pairing: Jam (Johnny/Bam)
Word Count: 1119
Summary: Johnny babbles his way out of a ticket.
Rating: R (wouldn't it be? Don't the movie ratings go R if it's got "Fuck" in it more than once? XD)
Author Notes: Uhm..... XD
Dedication: To mah sister! :D She was talking about how she did this and then that spurred this whole random scenario of her being pulled over and babbling her way out of things and...yeah. Basically, this whole idea, THANKS TO HER! :D
Disclaimer: I really like that one I came up with before. Something about how we "only put these up to save our asses". muwaha. DK/DO/PNH (yes. Don't Know. Don't Own.PROBABLY Never Happened. because I have to entertain the idea that it is, in fact, possible! :P XD)

~*~*~
[Johnny]

Wow. We have been driving for way too fucking long. But at the moment, Bam has been driving for far too long. I turned in the passanger's seat to stare at him. "Mmkay," I pointed out the window a bit up the road, "See that gas station, Bambam?" He nodded to show he was listening, "Pull in there."

"All right..." He sounded confused, but when we came to the station, he complied and pulled into a parking place. He let the car idle and turned to look at me. "Kay, now I have to ask....what the fuck are we doing?"

"We aren't doing anything. You are sitting here and going to go to sleep. I am going to drive for awhile."

"Babe, this was my idea, I can--"

I put my hand over his mouth. "Noooo. I'll drive. You've been driving all day. Literally. I'm gonna drive, and you...are going to sleep."

"All right..." He smiled weakly. It was obvious how tired he was, even though he wouldn't really admit it. He climbed out of the car and we switched places. He practically collapsed into the passanger's seat next to me.

I looked over at him and smiled a little. Reaching over and running my fingers through his hair, I whispered to him, "Just go to sleep, hon." He nodded a little and closed his eyes as I back out of the parking place and go onto the highway again.

Some time later, I realized that driving this late at night--or early in the morning, all depending on your view--is really pretty great. Hardly any traffic, only a couple of assholes on the road. There are still drunks driving, though. You would think, after all these years, people would have gained some common sense... I know I'll eventually need to pull over to sleep, but...I'll deal with that when the time comes.

~*~

It was around noon the next day when Bam woke up again. I heard him moving around and glanced at him, smiling a little. "Hey, babe."

"Mm....hey...where are we?" He asked as a yawn took him over.

"Somewhere between the Gulf of Mexico and the Atlantic Ocean."

"Johnny...." He whined softly.

"We're somewhere between Spring Hill and St. Petersburg, Florida."

"Mm....Okay, next time....I decide it's a good idea to drive from P-A to Texas, either....shoot me or get me on a plane. And...why the hell did I want to go to Texas anyhow? I don't even remember now...." He frowned slightly.

"I don't think there was any particular reason, Bam....I think it was all completely random."

"Next time, try and make me give you a good reason. And if there isn't one....stop me..."

I laughed, "All right, then." After a few minutes, I started in again, "Uh....Bam?"

"Yeah?"

"Grab the map from the glovebox."

"When did I get a map?" He asked, leaning the seat up to more of a sitting position before rummaging through the glovebox and pulling the map out.

"I put it in there when I knew we were doing this." I said before telling him where we were and asking him where we should go next.

"Oh, okay," I glanced over at him and smiled softly when I saw him staring at the map, his eyes scanning over it.

We eventually figured it out and we were on our way for quite a while. Some time later, I poked Bam in the side, earning a soft giggle from him. "Do I need to go left or striaght?"

"Uhm...straight. No, wait, left." He nodded a little.

"All right," I pulled into the turn lane and stopped at the light.

"Shit. No, we have to go straight."

I sighed and closed my eyes, "Bam...."

"Just...go straight anyway. It's not like there's any cops around or anything." He shrugged.

When the light changed green, I went straight. And I swear, not two minutes later, I was being pulled over. "Greeeat. This is just what we need."

"You're Southern. You're a smooth talker. Talk your way out of it."

"What? Bam, you can't just--" He rolled down the window when the officer approached. It was a female officer. At least I had that.

"Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?"

On a completely spur-of-the-moment, insane idea, I decided to take on an accent. Whatever accent spilled out of my mouth, I'd just...go with it. "No, ma'am, I do not." And what do you know? It's a fucking Iraqi accent. Oh, I'm screwed. This is sooo not believable.

She raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything about the accent, but I'm sure she was thinkin' it. "You were in a turn lane, sir, and you were going straight."

I continued with the accent, as fucked up as it was that, that happened to be the one I picked. "I...did not know. My friend told me...that..I needed to turn, and then he said that, no, we needed to go straight. I did not know what else to do. I am not very familiar with your laws in this country. I have only just moved here. But we have long drive and friend had been driving too long--"

"Well, sir, if that's the case....I suppose I could let it slide."

"Thank you, miss."

"...Except that I know that was all cock-and-bull." I stared at her and she added, "I know who you are, Mister Knoxville."

I sighed, "Okay, but...that it really what happened. I mean..." When you use a different accent, you really come to love your own true voice... "It's not like I had much other choice. I don't know this area real well...or...well, much at all, and I don't know where that turn leads and....I wouldn't know how to get back here again because I'd be all turned around and confused.... I don't really think I have the money to pay for a fine or a ticket because, well, I wasn't really expecting it and--"

"If I let you go....will you shut up?"

"Yes."

"Fine. I'll let you go scott-free. Just...go." She said, walking away.

I rolled the window up and looked at you. "Smooth talker? Where the hell did you get that idea?"

"Well...you got out of it."

"But..." I pulled onto the highway again, "where the hell....did the smooth talker come from?"

"Smooth talker, insanely babbler, whatever. You got out of it, that's all that matters, babe." He grinned.

"Smooth talker my ass."

"I've seen it."

"When?"

"At bars and shit."

"Yeah, but...oh, for fuck's sake, Bam! That's a bit more of a relaxed setting!"

Bam just laughed.



Hah. It probably wasn't as funny as it could have been. Oh, well. XD