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[01 Jun 2009|02:48am] |
I can't ever say that i've been a thin girl. Even in the 5th grade, I weighed a140lbs. My main size throught highschool was a size 16-18, and once I graduated I was considerably less active. No more dance team, nomore marching band, and I have a lot more time on my hands to eat and snack, and my freshman year in college, I met my fiance. I was even less active and a whole lot more stressed due to certain things happening in life. Then in 2005, I was a size 16-18, I got pregnant, and lost the baby at 23 weeks, 2 days. After this, I went into a greater depression, alongside just having moved to a city 100 plus miles away from my family, never having been away from home or my mother for more than 3 weeks vacation.
Over the years, I have gotten use to being a big girl, even proud of my voluptuousness, but still when I looked at my naked self in the mirror, I was disgusted at what I saw. Now, as brought up in this post, http://community.livejournal.com/100pounds2lose/5322479.html?style=mine, my fiance has given me (as of a couple of months ago) an ultimatum to lose about 100lbs before our August 14, 2010 wedding. I knew being overweight was bad for my health, and blood pressure/cholesterol issues as well as heart problems run well within my family. Now I have a support group of a lot of ladies at a community called ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) 100pounds2lose who have given me not only good advice, but hope that I can do lose the weight to the best of my abilities, and that my fiance saying that he wanted me to lose the weight because of my health and because he was "tired of my gut flapping around." That hurt to hear, and every time he talks about my weight, it brings me to tears and I feel so unloved its unbelivable, but maybe it's just what I need to get going...maybe. At this point, I want to do this for me, but for him even more. I want him to be happy with me, not just me with myself...I'm stuck and so topsy turvy on this. Since I just got a new job, I guess the first thing i'll do is join a gym, and find a weight loss plan.
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