Ok, galaxy, can we take a break for 2 whole seconds from being dramatic over the death of admittedly hot Jedi turned political leader Jacen Solo to focus on the more important issue at hand? And, no, this reporter does not mean what color she should paint her nails, although that is also a pressing concern. No, the current issue is the identity of the so called “war orphan” being raised by the Solos, Amelia.

Now, obviously, this is just a convenient cover story. Come on, war orphans are starving and dirty and rude, everyone knows that. Quite the opposite of the cute, well-behaved girl this reporter was lucky enough to get a holo of leaving the Millennium Falcon with her new family.

Equally obvious is the real identity of this child. She is clearly none other than the daughter of Jaina Solo and her missing in action and presumed dead boyfriend Zekk. The girl’s dark hair makes her father obvious, and we estimate she would have been born around the time Jaina and Zekk were Joiners and “coincidentally” rarely seen by reporters. Now that the love of her life is dead, however, Jaina has clearly been unable to deal with raising a family, particularly a child that looks so much like him. In her desperation she has passed Amelia on to her parents, although considering the Solos’ track record of screwing up kids that might not have been such a good idea.

Who knows what the future holds for Amelia? Her mother is currently a recluse, and, we suspect probably suicidal given the recent death of her lover and her brother Jacen. Han and Leia seem to attract trouble so the kid is probably totally unsafe and being dragged around the galaxy in some ugly old spaceship.

We, as a reporter can do nothing to help, only sit back and watch this unfolding drama with total fascination and keep you readers up to date and aware of the truth.

Zekk: First Love
Hotness Scale Score: 9 – Tall, dark and handsome!
The Scoop: Jaina Solo’s first boyfriend; a orphaned vent crawler who grew up on the streets of Coruscant and somehow managed to become best friends with the daughter of the Chief of State. He even turned to the Dark Side to impress her, but took it a little too far and ended up attacking her. Luckily, she saved him and the two carried out a cute adolescent romance while at the Jedi Academy. She drifted away during the Vong war, he remained hopelessly devoted, and the situation pretty much hasn’t changed since then.
Yes, Please: The good stuff about this guy? He sure is committed! No need to worry about him cheating, since his world seems to revolve around the person he’s in love with. A real sweetheart, totally willing to do anything for his SO.
Eww, No: One word, clingy. This guy has been obsessed with the same girl since he was eleven. Come on! Also, he’s kind of depressed, and definitely not the type who likes to hit the town for a night of fun!

Kyp: The Older Man
Hotness Scale Score: 7 – Take a bath!
The Scoop: Quite a bit older than Jaina, this boy used to baby-sit her. He upgraded to her Jedi Master during the war and sparks flew between the two. Their relationship seems to have cooled off for now, but you can never be too sure.
Yes, Please: Come on, Jed Master? Bet he’s got a few fun Force tricks to use in bed. Plus, this guy is all about living on the edge. Look for a wild and crazy time with him around!
Eww, No: Every time you see him on the holonet, he’s, like, wiping his nose on his sleeve or scratching his hair or something! It’s just gross! Also, he blew up a planet.

Jag: Flyboy
Hotness Scale Score: 8 – Eye scars are hot, but not gross bounty hunters!
The Scoop: Showed up during the Vong war to help fight, took one look at Jaina and locked s-foils in attack position. The two spent a lot of time together when they got a break from saving the galaxy, and sometimes even during it, even ending up as wingmates. After the war he took off for the Unknown Regions, but reemerged during the Killik Conflict, this time fighting his old flame. She shot him down, but now he’s back, this time as a bounty hunter.
Yes, Please: Rich, handsome, charming gentleman, this boy’s practically perfect if you’re looking for someone to bring home to mom and dad! He’s a real prince charming, ready to come to the rescue every time.
Eww, No: Come on, who wants a guy who lets a war separate him from his girl? Also, the new look as a bounty hunter is just bad! He looked so great in the military! What happened?

Lowbacca: Grrr
Hotness Scale Score: 6, unless you happen to have a wookie fetish.
The Scoop: Another old Academy friend and the nephew of her dad’s best buddy – these two have been close for years. They were practically inseparable during the Vong war and later, and sure make a cute couple, what with the several feet of height difference!
Yes, Please: Loyal, devoted, and fun, he’s a great date and you’re as likely to end up repairing an old ship together as enjoying a romantic, tree-top supper on Kashyyyk.
Eww, No: He doesn’t speak Basic, so you’re going to need to purchase a translator droid or learn his language. Or perhaps you could communicate through hand gestures!

With all the buzz centering around Hapes these days, it seemed appropriate to take another look at Queen Mother Tenel Ka and her daughter, Allana. As everybody knows, the little princess’s father is totally unknown. In fact, her actual appearance is unknown, so we can’t even speculate based off of that. Rumors of every kind have been flying thick and fast since her birth, but here at Chrono, we have finally gotten to the bottom of it, thanks to some spectacular sleuthing efforts by me, Mekla Meeker, reporter-turned-detective who decided it was totally time someone figured this out!

The Facts: Five years ago, during the Killik Crisis, former Jedi Raynar Thul used the Force to call his close friends to come help him. (Why he didn’t just use a comlink is beyond me. I mean, come on, it would have been so much easier! Whatever.) Although the Queen Mother felt said summons, she somehow mysteriously “resisted” it, remaining on Hapes and making a show of supporting the GA and sending a fleet to help fight the Killiks. A year later, she gave birth to a daughter, who was promptly hidden away for “her safety”, according to Tenel Ka. She had made no announcements about choosing a consort, and no one had seen any strange men sneaking around her chambers nine months earlier.  The galaxy speculated in vain, and the mystery remained unsolved – until now.

When reviewing these facts, a few things struck me as kind of weird. Like, for one, the way Tenel Ka made such a big deal about not joining (no pun intended! Hehe!) Raynar and the Killiks and her Jedi friends. We got it, honey, you stayed on Hapes. Why do you need to keep repeating it?

Another thing that stood out was the way she has been so careful about keeping her daughter hidden. Either there is something really wrong with the girl’s appearance, or she looks an awful lot like her father. I decided that it was probably the second option cause, come on, that makes so much more sense!

I decided I needed more information before I jumped to any conclusions, so I decided to head over to Hapes to see what I could discover, aside from an abundance of gorgeous men. I infiltrated the Fountain Palace using a my daddy’s connections (It’s soooo awesome to have rich parents, you have no idea! If you don’t have them, I feel really bad for you!) And managed to speak to two of the Queen mother’s most trusted advisors.

The first one I found was her faithful handmaiden, Anhaje, who refused to comment on the situation. Refusing to be deterred, I continued my search and eventually, using my feminine wiles, was able to secure some one-on-one time with the sexy Hapian Commander Gadell Vessau. Asked who he thought Allana’s father was, he replied, “A man?” Despite this helpful quote, I was still no closer to an answer.

It was not until my flight back to Coruscant that the pieces finally came together. It was so totally obvious, actually, I was really surprised no one had figured it out before. Obviously, Tenel Ka’s story about staying as far away from Raynar Thul as possible was nothing more than a cover. I mean, why else would she make such a big deal about it, and send all those ships? Obviously, she was just trying to draw attention away from their intimate, and, understandably, politically embarrassing relationship!

And there you have it. Allana’s unknown father is not unknown at all; in fact he makes headlines almost as much as her mother. The one and only Raynar Thul. Maybe now that their relationship is out in the open, the two will finally be able to be open about their feelings for each other. And I hope they remember that they owe it all to me!

Hi, everybody, this is Mekla here to clear some things up. As you undoubtedly remember, in the last issue of Chrono, I published what I believed at the time to be a highly accurate report of the recently exposed love affair between Jedi Knights Tahiri Veila and Zekk. While the public response to said article was totally awesome, the two Jedi in question were, stunningly, less than thrilled. I put it down to shyness. But, anyways, ok, so, the thing is, I totally received letters from both of them, basically stating that I and this magazine suck and anyone who believes that the two of them are a couple is a complete idiot. (Well, they were a little more polite about it, but I believe in being truthful.) If you don’t believe me, check out this nice letter I received from the tall, dark, and oh-so-sexy Zekk!

“Hi Chrono people,

This is Zekk and I'm just writing this little message to let you guys know that there is absolutely nothing between Tahiri Veila and I. What you saw was her talking my ear off about something I don't recall, I think it had to do with the hating of the footwear or stupid people who ask for holos and autographs without saying please or something. She always rambles and it goes in one ear and out the other.

But that's not the point here, the point here is that Tahiri is a good friend and nothing more. Spunky, bouncy girls are not my type -- especially the ones who like, cut themselves and giggle about it. Just thought I'd clear that up. Now that I've stopped shuddering at the thought of her and I together, I can end this letter feeling better about myself.

Sorry to anyone who wanted to see that happen. (What are you, insane?)

Sincerly in a not so sincere way,
Zekk

P.S. I'm not mad at you guys, I just act like that to everyone. So there.”

I received a similar letter from Miss Veila, which I have elected not to reprint, because basically every time she gets worked up, which is often, it sort of switches over into this weird language – I think its Vongish or something. (Tahiri, if you’re reading this, I have a totally awesome therapist I could recommend you too! One of my friends has a friend who goes there and she says he is totally incredible, although it is really expensive, so if credits are an issue for you I suggest looking around!)

But, anyways, like I was saying, both these Jedi totally deny any romantic involvement with each other, which, if you ask me, only convinces me more that they are completely head over heels for each other, but just too shy to admit it, which is really really adorable! I had this friend who had that same problem once, but I finally just talked to the guy for her because she so obviously wasn’t going to, so it worked out great except for the part where he wasn’t interested because he turned out to be gay. Who knew? I seriously hope this is not the case with Zekk, because, lets face it, in terms of general hotness, he’s totally off the charts!

Where was I? Oh! Right! So, these two are in complete denial about their feelings for each other, which is so cute, but I like to think there’s still hope! Zekk, Tahiri, when you two read this article and realize that you both feel the same way, just remember that you owe all your happiness to me! Thank you notes would be appreciated! (Especially if they contain nude Zekk pictures!)

Love is in the air in the Jedi Order, and for once it doesn’t involve the Solo twins. Jedi Knights Tahiri Veila and Zekk were spotted enjoying a romantic dinner together at a small café this weekend. Zekk is well known to have been in an emotional on-and-off relationship with fellow Jedi Jaina Solo for some time now, whereas Veila has remained single since her failed romance with the deceased Anakin Solo over ten standard years ago. Could these two have finally gotten over the Solo children and found each other? It seems likely.

Both Jedi were involved in the now famous Jedi strike team mission during the Yuuzhan Vong War, and fought together in numerous battles afterwards. In recent years they both became Joiners in the Killik crisis. According to Jedi Knight and Healer Cilghal, who worked with both Jedi after they returned from the Killiks, it is not at all unusual for Joiners to feel much closer to each other than to other beings. It would seem that the two bonded during their recovery, and that friendship has now blossomed into a full-blown romance.

Although we have been unable to contact either Jedi to get the details on their newfound affection, it seems as though their relationship is well on its way to true love. They have been spotted together at numerous locations on Coruscant as well as the rest of the galaxy including a recent sighting on Corellia. For two beings who are well known for their aversion to the spotlight, their many public appearances together suggests that they are anything but shy about revealing their feelings for each other.

The Jedi Order is known for it’s strictness regarding romantic affairs between it’s members, although this attitude has softened in recent years, as can be seen by the marriage of many of the most prominent Jedi, including Masters Luke and Mara Skywalker and Tionne and Kam Solusar. But just how much support will there be for this young couple?

And, more importantly, just how will Jaina Solo react to the news that her former lover has moved on? That remains to be seen, although there are rumors that she has rekindled her romance with Jedi Master Kyp Durron. Could this be because of Zekk’s change of heart? Only time will tell. What is for sure, however, is that the Jedi Academy seems to be the place to go for anyone looking for true love.